Sister in law is upset we gifted a trip for honeymoon because she wanted a house

[Music] i grew up pretty solidly middle class and my husband jay 48 grew up working poor my father spent 20 years in the military then 30 years with a union and my mother was a stay-at-home mom neither attended college it was very important to my parents that both my brother and i attended college my brother mark 48 ended up attending a service academy so no tuition i ended up with enough scholarship money to make my own full ride at a private university our parents gifted us the money they would have put towards our tuition upon our respective graduations my husband worked his butt off to get through undergrad grad and an mba all while working full-time and sometimes supporting family members he and i are coming up on our 18th wedding anniversary this summer he is an executive and i worked at a non-profit for five years before becoming a stay-at-home mom my life revolves around our four children though i still find plenty of time for volunteer work we are incredibly lucky live a very charmed life and we don't take it for granted at least i hope my husband has a large family his mother 66 d one younger brother tim 46 and sister lee 45 live in the same area we do and we see them the most frequently of his relatives my parents and my brother and his family live near us as well we were all very close and spend a lot of time together including vacations my parents are retired my brother spent 20 in the military and then went into a second well-paying career his wife jess 45 also retired military is a hospital administrator lee and her wife amy 39 own a very successful salon day spa tim is a deputy sheriff he is also a widower who remarried emily 44 four years ago and navigating her feelings is what i need help with emily came into our lives suddenly it had been about 10 months since tim's wife had passed away she showed up at lee's salon and said tim sent her to get dolled up a couple weeks after that tim started bringing her to family events i felt bad for emily no one liked her and it was palpable five weeks later she announced she was pregnant at tim's daughter's first communion in front of his deceased wife's parents she told everyone she was on the pill and it must have failed no one really believed her tim married her two weeks later in las vegas when they opened our gift tim flipped out with happiness and her face fell she looked incredulous and said she thought we would get them a house we had given them a trip to hawaii for their honeymoon since vegas was going to serve as their honeymoon too we thought this would be a nice treat we would be caring for our nieces and even offered to take emily's children or hire child care my husband said rather calmly to his credit that the trip could be used towards a down payment instead she clicked her tongue and said what a nice gift a mortgage and no honeymoon welcome to the family she was positively glaring at me before anyone could say anything else my husband took my hand and we left later when they got back from hawaii she apologized saying that since we had bought town homes for both our parents she assumed we'd gift them a house too for our children and you know so they can all be near the family in a nice safe gated community she has five children and tim has three and then they have one together it's been a passive aggressive spiral since then and she seems to target me the most look we have money i have expensive bags and shoes and all those totally unnecessary but fantastic things wealthy housewives can collect every time it's oh chanel bag must be nice but i'd rather my children have nice clothes or she'll put her foot up next to my foot and say 8 000 or 1995. i can't tell the difference can any of you and she'll laugh and laugh like it's an inside joke by the way i do not own eight thousand dollar shoes the other women in my family have the same or similar priced things mine seem to anger emily the most hosting holidays and celebrations rotates between myself jess and lee thanksgiving is my holiday for the past four years she has done something to mess it up year one she accidentally broke a crystal punch bowl that had been a gift to my great-grandmother on her wedding day i was devastated but was a gracious hostess and actually believed it was an accident later my cousin said the only way it could have broke the way it had was for someone to pick it up and drop it straight down it was full of red drink and made a mess ruining some linens too year two our powder room overflowed she admitted she had done that as a fun family prank that had gone wrong we always prank each other we do not year three my gravy was so salty it was inedible i'm blaming it on her she kept asking oh where is your giblet gravy i just love your gravy and on and on this past year was the worst amy pulled me aside and showed me a bottle of epic she said she saw emily pull it out of her purse then pop it in real quick again when amy walked away amy took it after emily walked out i was so panicked she might have used it already but it was sealed amy and i decided not to say anything right then later emily came out from where the coats and purses were looking flush and she kept looking at amy and looking away i told my husband later that night and he was furious and called his brother they had a terrible fight and have barely spoken since i know this is so long but there is one more thing that happened that really put this over the top my brother and jess host the super bowl sunday party they go all out my brother not only invites our family his friends and coworkers but also work friends of just about anyone in our family emily decided she wanted to host a super bowl she sent out invites to everyone in the family everyone said they would be attending jess and mark's party she sent out reminders stating that it was time for someone else to be allowed to host an event and that this year was their year to host super bowl this was the fair thing to do and she expected everyone there with a snack at 3pm byob needless to say no one showed about an hour into the game tim even showed up at my brother's to watch the game i kept expecting angry calls and texts yet heard nothing the following friday it all blew up my children attend parochial school and i am a room mom so i attend mass on fridays with them while this is technically a public weekday mass it's a church attached to a school so all of the children are there i was standing in the side aisle helping my class when she walks up grabs my arm and says we need to talk everyone turned their heads as she didn't bother to keep her voice down luckily we were near a side door and we go outside before she blew up she started screaming at me about how i ruined her life how my jealousy of her kept her from becoming a part of the family how i was just a pretty mean girl that never left my sorority but sooner or later my ass would fall and my face would rot how she was sorry that her hot dogs and chips weren't good enough for me and i just couldn't miss out on my super bowl porterhouse it was then that one of our deacons walked out and i wished i could have evaporated how ridiculous he told us they could hear us inside i started to apologize she screamed i don't ducking care p i told her i was done and not to come to my children's school ever again our deacon was already pulling out his cell phone he said to her to leave or he'd call the police she yelled at him her husband was the police but she guessed he only cared about women who married walking wallets like i did he started to laugh i don't blame him it was so absurd i tried not to but i giggled too i looked at her shaking my head and said emily she slapped me across the face spit at me and walked away i've never been so shocked i've never been hit in my life she left a bruise on my arm where she held on to it she also keyed my car all up everyone wanted to call the police but i asked them not to to please let us handle this family situation i was so embarrassed my husband is furious his brother came over and apologized to us both profusely he said he would pay for my car i wouldn't hear of it though my husband looked tempted the whole family knows and has taken my side which i think makes it worse however i am grateful for the sentiment the whole parish knows it was comforting sunday to hear story after story of crazy in-laws but i want to fix this how how do i fix this with her day started with a family meeting at my husband's office his mom brother sister and my brother tim honestly he was relieved he said he'd been ready to divorce her since the thanksgiving incident but he said he was so embarrassed for what he had gotten himself and his three girls into his girls are 7 9 and 12. my husband and his brother and my brother were on one end of the spectrum wanted full prosecution etc amy and i were the other let's just cut her out everyone else was in between finally decided we would file a police report get restraining orders get a few more cameras for home tim would file for divorce and custody of their shared daughter diane they would stay with us for a while then the plan was for all of them to move to a new home with tim's mom we all split up my husband and i went to our attorney then to our church with plans to go to the police station after when the administrator at our diocese found out vandalism had taken place on church property and authorities had not been called he was furious so the authorities were called long story a bit shorter report filed temporary protective orders long day all good not so fast tim had gone home to get the girls things and to arrange a personal leave emily was there she knew something was up and i guess it was pretty ugly she said a lot of horrible things about beth and beth's children apparently broke a lot of things and took off after saying he could have his divorce and get this his whole crazy family seriously i could laugh over this if it wasn't so heartbreaking tim went to pull the girls from school when he got back his german shepherd was gone my brother's wife had my children for the afternoon my husband brother and i are just leaving our attorney for the second time and we get a call from our community security that there has been some vandalization my heart sank we get home my bare root roses are torn up and there is feces smeared all over our front door i didn't go into what was keyed into my car but she had keyed see ducker you yes ducker u b and went back into it and what looked like a p now i'm of cuban heritage so the word she was looking for was bolsero but it was a close enough insult she wrote c b and j ducked me in her feces on my porch i will say it was at this point i stopped worrying about her feelings police were called my brother mark called two of his out-of-work vet buddies who are now employed as our security for the foreseeable future now we find out from tim that jax the doggy is missing emily calls him and says she will k herself and jax if he doesn't bring diane to her tim went to meet her with the police jax has broken ribs and a broken leg but he also bit her up pretty badly apparently she just started sobbing when they took her into custody so we all ended up at lee and amy's house and this is so heartbreaking karen tim's 12 year old broke down and said she was so happy emily was gone she admitted that emily would s her and her sisters and say mean things about their fat frumpy mother and they should be grateful god gave them such a cool pretty stepmom after all the children got to bed amy told us all she was a target of emily too that's why she was suspicious of her emily was incredulous that amy could be a lesbian and look so feminine so she would always point out men and make crude statements and even make dating profiles for her and try to set her up on dates she once held her against the wall and kissed her and when amy pushed her away she said see i knew you weren't a d as for emily's children they are 16 15 second husband 11 9 boyfriend 7 4th husband 16 15 and 7 are with their fathers 11 and 9 are with child welfare tim wants to get custody of them their father has not been in the picture for a very long time there is a lot more detail but i'm just mentally and emotionally exhausted we are taking all the children away for the weekend therapy for everyone i'm just hoping we can get this all resolved as smoothly as possible this is hands down the most insane most honestly asinine thing i have ever gone through and it's still ongoing [Music] in high school i started dating chang an aspiring pre-med student from a wealthy family i never had any interest in medicine so my mother was thrilled at the prospect of potentially having a doctor as a son-in-law my mother is hilarious and fun but we never had a good relationship so i was glad that she was nice to me for once i didn't realize i would severely regret ever dating chang chang would constantly put me down at my birthday party he loudly said your sister's boobs look even bigger when she stands next to you he even criticized the very genuine eulogy i gave at my best friend's funeral saying your transitions were messy and your conclusion was weak he told me i would never make it on my own and that i wasn't good enough for him so i was lucky he was willing to support me when he became a doctor in the meantime he made me drive him 55 miles to his school and back and refused to get his driver's license i paid 50 of all meals including birthdays and anniversaries even though he had a hefty allowance while i worked two minimum wage jobs not to mention he would eat well over half the food chang was also very emotionally unstable he would frequently pick fights and yell at me purposely deepening his voice into a low bellow then he would make himself into the victim there were times he tried running away at two in the morning and i would have to pull him back during these arguments he would just wail and sob while i tried my best to say the right things to placate him once after an argument he pretended he needed to use the bathroom but instead left the light and fan on so i wouldn't notice him running away i had to drive around searching for him and when i picked him up a few neighborhoods away all he said was sorry one night at the club i was dancing when chang suddenly stormed off he said you disgust me some guys were watching you dance and you look like you enjoyed giving them a show i was confused because i was dancing rave style with glow sticks not even grinding or twerking and i hadn't noticed any guys looking at me you're such a s he said i started to cry and we left the club i got into the car sobbing into my hands when i finally looked up he wasn't even in the car he had just opened and closed the door making it sound like he got in and abandoned me again when i tried calling him his phone rang from the seat of his chair he left it open to a texting app which only read i'm going to k myself now tell everyone i'm sorry he had taken the car key so i sat in the parking lot for an hour scared and alone he finally returned crying and said sorry i couldn't do it sometimes after arguments he would call my mother to tell her his side of the story before i knew it she was screaming at me about very personal details of our relationship shortly after my best friend cs chang broke up with me after an argument he immediately called my mother and lied to her telling her i had broken up with him and threatened to cs like my best friend had my mother sternly told me i'd better get back with him or else i'll really regret it my mother tried to force us back together she would allow him inside the house and even open my bedroom door to let him in she even got angry because i wouldn't let him sleep in my bed with me chang continued to come over every week and told my mother he was tutoring me when he was actually just trying to convince me to get back together with him he even bragged that my mom was stupid and easy to manipulate he blackmailed me and threatened to tell everyone my secrets i was completely hopelessly trapped i finally got rid of him for good after two years of that nightmare it wasn't over though my mother made it her mission to make my life a living hell for leaving him suddenly all my privileges were revoked and i was being punished for breaking rules she seemingly made up on the spot if she found out i was going on a date with someone new she tried barring me from leaving the house if i was even studying with another guy she would completely lose it i told her chang had manipulated me and she said what makes you think you deserve any better you're stupid and worthless you were lucky chang even looked at you once she slammed my door open scanned my room with hatred in her eyes and said your room is filthy you be before storming off how would she have known the state of my room before barging in she even made up a fake elaborate story that he found a new girlfriend who was way better than me and i must really regret it now i realize she probably just likes chang more than me she hugged and comforted him when he cried but mocked me when i cried saying here come the waterworks she's saying we need to have compassion for him because he's suffering from a broken heart yet when i got dumped by another ex in high school she said i don't blame him for dumping you you're really ducked up after i left chang she told me he was like a son to her and it was like losing a child today at the advice of a psychiatrist i took out literally thousands in loans to move out three years ago because i was becoming depressed initially i expressed my concern about the finances and my psychiatrist said what's the point if you might not even be alive tomorrow now i am about to graduate with a degree in engineering from a great university and i am dating a wonderful guy my mom constantly begs me to move back home but i can't risk my mental health again it has been four years since i have spoken to chang i heard he got rejected from med school and never got another girlfriend he calls me late at night about three times a year which i just ignore i deleted him on facebook long ago but he would like things i wrote on mutual friends walls so i blocked him the problem is that my mom is still obsessed with him today she used to ask me how i'd feel if he got married how i'd feel if he was gone she used to say i would regret leaving him once he's a successful doctor now that he's been rejected from med school she changed her tune and says despite his flaws he was obviously in love with me and i owe him for that my mother and i are in a constant cycle of her defending chang us not speaking for month and her inviting me out and pretending nothing happened it has been this way for the past three years since i moved out the last time i saw my mother i was visiting with my boyfriend whom she likes she asked me to move back home again and somehow chang came up in conversation she defended him telling my boyfriend how sweet chang was i was completely mortified not only that but she began to trash me saying that i was a bad daughter and how difficult it was living with me then why is she begging me to move back home after we left i demanded an apology from her via text i told her she should not have defended chang and tried to make me look bad in front of my boyfriend i made it very clear that by supporting chang she was supporting his a of me her response consisted of you're the one who decided to date him not me expecting me to stop talking about chang is like expecting you to stop talking about your divorced father that's just unreasonable your new boyfriend needs to understand you have a past you broke chang's heart and hurt him so you owe him your sympathy and your kindness just because you hate chang doesn't mean i have to despite his mistakes change did some very nice things for you like tutoring you wow he really knew what he was doing with that one i did not back down this time though and stayed firm asking for an apology until she stopped responding i have heard from other family members that she is still upset about the argument when she doesn't talk about chang we get along really well we have similar political beliefs and gossip about her friends while shopping and going out for dinner and desserts this all goes to crap when she brings up chang it's been four years and despite all his a i think i could have moved on if my mother hadn't continued bringing him up now i have to relive the nightmare and experience it again in my head along with all the rage and regret

Channel: Ask Girl

Views: 42,438

Rating: 4.8168225 out of 5

Keywords: reddit girl, reddit sil, reddit sister, reddit, r/askreddit, reddit family, r/girl, r/sil, r/sister, reddit sister in law, r/sisterinlaw, r/justnofamily, r/, askreddit girl, askreddit sister, askreddit sil, askreddit sister in law, askreddit family

Id: 2wBjP04jnno

Length: 21min 38sec (1298 seconds)

Published: Fri Feb 19 2021