Girlfriend's family is surprised she found a boyfriend because she's not as pretty as her sister

[Music] my 25 male girlfriend 25 female of one year has been told she's just the funny one her entire life and made to feel as though she isn't as pretty as her older sister this is primarily her aunts and mothers doing pretty much every female relative she has as well as some female friends from when she was in high school have very openly praised her sister's looks and told her she's ugly compared to her sister her sister doesn't say anything when this happens she doesn't agree or disagree but silence speaks volumes so i met my girlfriend a couple of years ago at a work-related gig we became friends and a year later we started dating while we were friends i'll admit i had a huge crush on her not only was she smart hilarious and the life of the party she was and still is very beautiful when she said yes to going out with me i was the happiest guy in the world and i've been happy with her every day since the thing is i recently met her family as in her immediate and extended family and it was a very strange experience for two reasons she prepped me on all her family members but the one thing she kept saying about her sister was she's really pretty as if giving me a heads up weird one of her aunts joked that they were shocked my girlfriend found a solid boyfriend before her sister did implying her sister is prettier and should therefore have less trouble finding a guy also weird on the way home i asked my girlfriend about what was said and she then told me oh it's normal she's the pretty one i'm the funny one worried that it would come off corny and white nightish i held back for a second but i eventually told her you do realize you're funny and beautiful right she playfully rolled her eyes at that and we didn't speak of what happened the rest of the night i figured maybe that's the way she and her family rib each other every family has their own weird way of expressing love mine is a little weird like that too then i hung out with her family again and it was the same crap except this time one of her aunts asked me to stand beside her sister for a second after which she said wow they look like a couple what the duck everyone laughed everyone except for me and my girlfriend's dad he didn't seem amused and i guess he could tell i wasn't amused either he pulled me aside later and told me his wife and sister's sister-in-laws are crazy when it comes to looks they have a ducked-up sense of humor don't take it personally etc a few days later i asked my girlfriend if it makes her uncomfortable when her family goes after her looks like that and she said she's used to it basically it does make her uncomfortable but it's been a constant for so long she doesn't feel she can stand up for herself that's when she opened up to me about her girlfriends in high school all saying the same crap they would always call her sister pretty but never call her pretty and always look at her like what happened to you she eventually accepted that she was just the funny one and decided to own it that's great and all but she's more than just funny and it quite honestly pisses me the duck off to know she's been made to feel less than for basically her entire life duck that noise i really want to say something the next time her aunts talk crap but she told me to just leave it alone it also really pisses me off that her sister doesn't stand up for her what the duck is that about oh and my girlfriend later told me an ex of hers once asked why she doesn't look more like her sister during a fight i ended up asking her if she thinks she's pretty and she just shrugged passively to be honest i'm shocked she's hot you guys beautiful hot pretty all the words and she's hilarious this whole situation makes my blood boil am i overreacting or is this really ducked up update she went to her parents house to wish her mother a happy birthday this afternoon i couldn't go because i had to work and she came home with zero energy i asked her what happened and at first she didn't want to say but she eventually told me her mother and sister took it upon themselves to tell her to hold on to me tight because i'm already way out of her league it wasn't said in a playful joking way like damn your significant other is a keeper it was said to hurt her and it did i am sure they said more on top of that she went into the bathroom and cried the door was locked so i gave her space when she finally came out she very seriously asked me what do you even see in me i'm about two seconds away from going off on them i really don't think humor will work on these people seeing her so upset i think it might benefit her to either one go no contact for a while or two sit back and let me handle it i'm actually in shock that her own family is responsible for making her feel this way and as a guy i can safely say she is easily the most interesting beautiful person in any room on any day at this point i feel like maybe her female relatives are jealous that she has so many things going for her and doesn't feel the need to obsess over the state of her makeup at all times [Music] mine and my sister's families are very close our kids are more like siblings than cousins my eldest niece got engaged and we were all thrilled for her my daughter and i spent hours on the phone with her helping her with early wedding planning my niece even mentioned to my daughter that she was having a hard time finding enough bridesmaids because many of her friends are pregnant then we all started finding out who my niece had chosen to be in the wedding party everyone in the family was included except for my daughter my niece asked me and her two sisters to be bridesmaids asked my son to be a groomsman included her parents of course and even asked my ex who has been estranged from my side of the family since the divorce to be the usher she made a wedding website with photos descriptions of all the people in the wedding party my daughter is the only one not on there my niece didn't directly tell my daughter that she wasn't included instead she created a text group with all of the women in our families except for my daughter to plan hair makeup etc for the day of my daughter was with me and my other nieces when we got the text and didn't have her phone on her so she assumed she was included as well turns out she wasn't when i reached out to my niece for clarification she stated that my daughter was not going to be included when i asked her if my daughter could at least get ready alongside us in the bridal suite doing her own hair and makeup my niece said no her exact words were there won't be any room for her my daughter is understandably crushed and has no idea why she would be the only one not included when she and my niece finally spoke about it my niece wouldn't explain why she had done this or apologize her only words were it was my decision to make i'm sorry that you feel upset about it i hope you can get over it i never saw my niece as a mean person but i am questioning my view of her now i don't want to participate in a wedding where my daughter has been singled out excluded for no real reason i can't think of anything my daughter could have done to offend my niece it seems my niece can't come up with a single reason for excluding her either when my niece asked me to be a bridesmaid i didn't know she was planning on asking everyone else in the family except for my daughter i wouldn't have accepted if i had known this am i the if i tell my niece that i won't be able to fulfill my commitment as a bridesmaid and just attend as a guest i've already posed this with my daughter and she thinks that me and her brother should both still participate because she doesn't want to be blamed for our dropping out if i do decide not to participate i will be making it clear to my niece that it was 100 my decision to drop out because i feel personally disrespected that she would treat my daughter this way i'm torn on how to handle this edit daughter is 22 and niece is 34. hey everyone this is the daughter writing the update my mom didn't know how to do an update post and asked me to write it for her we're both here to respond to comments if you have any i saw that a few people asked what my aunt's opinion was after the verdict was given on this post here is the answer to that question my aunt said that she had told my cousin from the beginning that excluding me was going to hurt my feelings and suggested to her that i'd be a bridesmaid instead of my mother my cousin turned down the suggestion but would not say why i also saw some people wondering if something had gone down between my cousin and me that i wasn't telling my mom this is definitely a valid question the answer is no she and i haven't had any problems prior to this that i know of at least she has always been like a sister to me if she ever had a problem with me or anything i've done i would hope she would tell me another question i saw was about my relationship with my father he and i have a very tense relationship due largely to some mental health problems that he has prior to all of this i had confided in my cousin a lot about this this made her decision to include him over me hurtful in a very poignant way after reading all of your comments and some deliberation my mom ended up staying in the wedding party i appreciate her desire to stand up for me but i really did want my cousin's wedding to go smoothly despite my feelings being very hurt my mom respected my wishes she is an amazing mom all around and i am lucky to have her in my corner after the conversation i had with my cousin described in the last post i was on the fence about attending the wedding i then heard from other relatives that she was concerned that i would sabotage the wedding if i were to attend i found this comment to be bizarre and confusing at this point i decided it would be best to remove myself from the situation entirely i told her that i wouldn't be attending and left it at that it was a hard decision to make but your reactions to the original post made me feel more confident in my choice the wedding did end up going smoothly i heard from multiple sources that there was plenty of extra room in the bridal suite i wish i could have been there with my family to support her on her big day she and i have both been part of each other's major life milestones for as long as i can remember i still haven't figured out why i was the only one excluded but i have come to the conclusion that she and i must not be as close as i had always thought we were at this point i'm not sure that i want to be your feedback on the original post played a large part in me realizing that so i moved in with my girlfriend to philly three years ago and my sister moved here a year ago with her kid after she got divorced her kid aaron is a sweet funny kid he is handsome smart charming basically everything good about a 17 year old kid at the prime of his life but my sister shelters him to the point of extremeness i often am at their house and i see aaron all the time and he sort of looks up to me as that cool uncle basically my sister makes sure he doesn't have any resemblance of a social life he can't leave past a certain block radius of the house he can't talk to girls his mom checks his phone like twice a week for suspicious texts he can't work a job because she thinks he's too immature for it or she doesn't trust him with it or something he wanted to go to college in north philly but she told him she would refuse to pay because the school is too ghetto the absolute worst part is that when he has friends over she insists that she just kind of sits there and hangs out with them i know it is because she can't stand the idea of him having conversations that aren't approved by her he tells me this stuff and i feel so so bad for him i know his friends and they like to go out and hang out like any 17 year old kid would do but he literally has to be home for dinner at six every night and then after be home at 9 30 so he can't do anything with them he has complained to me about this maybe a hundred times about how unfair it is and it sucks even worse because he loves hearing stories about the crazy fun i did as a kid and it just makes him feel worse in the end i honestly think she is being extremely unfair to him or she just doesn't know at what point to ease up on him these laws have been there since he was 13. they should change by the time he's 17 she even has a goddamn breathalyzer it hit a bad point when he apparently had a girl over two days ago and the mother walked in on them kissing and she flipped a now at 17 kissing a girl is totally 100 normal he is extremely noticeably good looking and fit i am sure the girls can't get enough of him but he can't hang out with girls like that because he has to be home right away i told her she was overreacting and she started going off on me about stds and how she doesn't want to pay for his kid if she gets pregnant she called the girl's mother angrily and told the mother and apparently the mother told my sister that it was fine if they wanted to kiss and my sister was shocked that any parent would allow such a thing it seems as if she gets her parenting advice from ducking nanny grace i should note that me and my sister grew up separately with divorced parents the worst part is that he has little to no social life he has like three friends at school and he really can't do anything fun with them he has resorted to playing video games day and night and his mother flips out on him for being addicted to those but what the duck else is he supposed to do he gets perfect grades he works out to my sister's dismay she has this little thing on his phone that beeps if he goes too far who the duck has that for a 17 year old boy when i was that age i was doing road trips from new york city to boston every month with tons of beers and girls and everything and i'm sure he wants that too but he can't because his mother is ducking insane not saying he should become some party animal like i was but let the kid go loose a tiny bit for crying out loud so basically at this point he has been begging me for weeks now to say something to her about this she listens to my advice not sure why but she really does i have briefly said things but nothing direct or serious i do feel strongly about this he's going to be living in that household for his college years too because he's going local it kind of hit a bad point when i witnessed her flip a on him for kissing the girl and he was looking at me like please say something about this and i didn't say anything really what do i do reddit how do i go about passing this message in a way that opens her eyes and how she is hurting her son i honestly feel as if he was to rebel and just do what he wants for a bit and go to a party she probably would eventually give in she wouldn't ever kick him out but i obviously don't want to recommend that to him lol edit i should also point out that he does have a good relationship with her this might sound weird but they get along very well and watch tv and movies together and laugh and all that she is extremely helicopter parenty and he despises that but besides that he does not resent her he just wants her to stop being crazy about this he didn't even care about the overprotectiveness until about four months ago when i guess his friends started going to more parties and such so it's not as if this is a long-term issue for most of his early high school years he just played video games all day so the crazy restrictive rules didn't even apply cause he never went out so now that he is trying to go out more and be with his friends the rules are coming into play more and more and stressing both of them out i just need her to understand that these rules are for a 13 year old kid not a 17 year old kid i think she will understand but i still don't really know what to do [Music] i would say our family isn't richie rich but we are well off we just aren't materialistic people we never shop for the sake of shopping example i only have two or three pair of jeans but if one is worn out or too old i would buy another that might be considered overpriced in the 100 to 250 range but will last for a longer time none of us go shopping as a hobby or for fun my older brother lives in la and was dating this girl for a long time she has a ba makes about forty to fifty thousand a year we thought she was very nice and very sweet but some of the things she said felt odd once she came home with our brother saw our parents cars out front audi and jag my brother told her that our parents only ever had used cars that were a little run down and soaked in crackers spilled juice soccer sweat from practice etc so when our youngest sibling finished high school our parents decided to treat themselves for once in their entire lives and bought new cars after working 80 hour weeks and grinding for most of their lives she laughed and said it better not take you more than a few years to buy me one of those my brother drives a relatively new jeep my brother decided to propose and had me help pick it out we decided to get her one with a middle stone that was 2.5 carats with a baguette on each side that was about one carat each brother proposed she said yes but was upset saying she expected a bigger ring since he makes enough to buy her 5 carat ring and that she can't handle him acting cheap all the time he was really upset about this because this ring cost about 40k and was amazing clarity color etc and he researched it excessively and made sure that it was the exact design ring she wanted he called me and got mad at me because i was the one who said he should get the main stone to be two and a half carat because bigger than that looks a little tacky and showy i told him that this is probably god waving a red flag and giving him a chance to get out i told him that someone who can't appreciate that 40k especially since that's how much she makes a year is a lot to spend on a ring she didn't care about how hard he tried to please her just about the money he thought it over and agreed and broke it off she called me after he asked her to move out and told me i was a meddling bee and my brother will never get married when his family is so nosy i asked my friends about it and they agreed they said that you only get one engagement ring and she should get the ring she wants so reddit am i the edit so to clarify the ring had a center stone of 2.5 carats and a baguette on either side of one carat each it was just under 40k some people are bringing up how crazy the price was our parents really struggled in their beginning as they are immigrants so they would be going to school while raising four kids and things were tough so we were always naturally frugal but our parents splurged on important things for us and on life experiences not on buying material possessions but they did emphasize to us to never be cheap when it comes to presents or paying the bill so with this ring my brother didn't have a budget he was just going for quality he makes mid to high six figures we all make around that but i said we don't consider ourselves rich because we don't act like it always fly economy only our parents have luxury cars we don't buy designer clothes shoes bag except for maybe some items for work because the environment demands it but we don't go on shopping sprees our parents told him though to make sure he picked something special because his wife will be the mother of his children a sister to his siblings their new daughter and his partner in life so he kind of wanted this to be a family heirloom to be passed on to a future child as well but the way she acted i think he was too focused on making sure that his future partner was happy he missed all those red flags he did get the ring back though i know people think she's a huge gold digger and we should have seen it earlier but my brother met her while he was at stanford at a party and she was from uc berkeley so we all figured someone who goes to a fancy school like that would rather focus on their own goals than leech off someone else i guess we were wrong

Channel: Ask Girl

Views: 32,765

Rating: 4.8673368 out of 5

Keywords: reddit girl, reddit sister, reddit sil, reddit, r/sister, r/family, r/askreddit, reddit pregnant, r/pregnant, askreddit, askreddit girl, askreddit sister, askreddit pregnant, askreddit family

Id: PrcfBF5IcRs

Length: 21min 5sec (1265 seconds)

Published: Mon Feb 15 2021