"Star Trek: Generations" is the
stupidest movie ever made. It ruined everything and not just
Star Trek movies but everything. Why make a video review of this movie
after it's been out for like 14 years? Well, the truth is I've
got nothing better to do But I've always wanted to articulate all the
little points about what I hate about this movie. So let's begin, shall we? The Transition Kirk: "Once again,
we've saved civilization as we know it." McCoy: "And the good news is
they're not going to prosecute." So Star Trek 6 concluded the movies of
the original cast pretty well, I think. Kirk and the crew they...they saved
the President of the Federation. Scotty killed the bad guy. Bad Guy: "Ahhhhh!" And then they solved the mystery
that Scooby-Doo couldn't solve. And in the end they all gathered around
and posed for a picture that nobody took. And then the Enterprise had
sailed off into the sunset. Kirk: "Second star to the right...
and straight on till morning." And they were hanging their hats up,
their space hats. Moving on to retirement, but no they
couldn't leave well enough alone. So then it came time for
The Next Generation Movie. And what I'm guessing happened was
that people in the studio were probably a little scared about making a Star Trek
movie without the original crew members. So in true stupidity,
they uhh... they added a couple and..and
made it kind of a combination movie. Which was stupid. So instead of making a really
great Next Generation movie with a really good story,
really good action. They had to squeeze in Kirk
and a couple other characters. Whoever else wanted to be in it. Walter Koenig: "The story certainly isn't about
Chekov nor is any one page about Chekov..." "Uh, Still I feel that I've
been given the opportunity..." "to invest some character into the...
into the dialog." Sulu: "Nice to see you in action
one more time, Captain Kirk." Sulu had his own command They forgot to ask Nichelle Nichols. And they asked Spock but he said uh...
he said "No" because the script sucked. Spock: "Go to hell" So then there you are,
they're launching the Enterprise B and you have an awkward
partial first original cast. Only ones who are lame
enough to show up showed up. The other ones didn't show up
because they had better things to do. So that made it weird. That made it weird
from the beginning. Number 2. Things don't
make sense! So the script for Generations
reads like my dead wife wrote it and my dead wife didn't
know much about Star Trek. Now she don't know
much about anything. So in the beginning the captain
of the Enterprise B says... Captain: "Ladies and gentlemen,
we've just cleared the asteroid belt." "Our course today will take us out beyond
Pluto and then back to spacedock." "Just a quick run
around the block." Then of course they
get a distress call. "We're picking up a distress call, Captain." Then like in a true Star Trek thing,
they're the only ship in range. "The ships are bearing at 3-1-0 mark 2-1-5.
Distance, three light-years." "Signal the closest star ship.
We're in no condition to mount a rescue." "We're the only one in range, sir." Now that's okay because that makes it kind of
exciting if they're the only ship that can be there. But if you'll recall they
were gonna sail around Pluto. "Our course today will
take us out beyond Pluto..." Which puts them just inside
the earth solar system. So they're near earth in
the heart of the Federation and they're the only
ship in range?!? Earth is the headquarters
of the Federation. There should be like hundreds of
ships all over the place flying around. They got the the shipyards near Mars. They got probably tens of ships
floating around here or there and they could zip
around at the Warp speed. So I don't understand. Then you got a gigantic space ribbon
that's flying around heading towards Earth and it's three light-years away. Shouldn't somebody
have sounded an alarm? There's a thing coming at us!
There's a thing coming at us!! Number 3. Not everybody got the
memo about the uniforms So now you got half the original crew and
half the uniforms from the Deep Space Nine. I don't understand this. Starfleet is like a
military organization. You know. So they say look
we got new uniforms Everyone put em on the
first the next month. Instead they kind
of said "Uhhhhh... Put em on whenever you want to.
It's just a fucking uniform. So if you run into an alien species
that wants to join the Federation And they're all like
"What's going on with the uniforms?" "We don't know what's going on." Number 4.
Different Lighting While it's painfully obvious, They shot parts of Star Trek
six on Next Generation sets They carefully covered up
parts where you can tell this by putting random crew members
in the way just kind of staring. But what's weird to me is that the
Enterprise-D suddenly looked different. For seven years on the show we
were used to seeing look one way Nice even TV lighting but since
it's a Movie they had to get fancy. So it's just weird cuz it's different now
and I don't like things that are different. Let's take a look
at Data's quarters. Before. And now after. See...see what I'm talking about. It got darker or something and I don't like things
that are different. Number 5.
Picard's Stupid Photo Album So Picard learns that his
family died in a fire. He takes a moment out of his busy
day to kind of look at some photos. Reminisce a bit. Looking at pictures of his
family on like a computer screen or his little laptop wouldn't
have been as emotional. So Picard's an
old-fashioned guy. He likes books and Shakespeare,
Archaeology and old pots. So it makes sense that
he'd have a photo album. But because this movie sucks they
had to ruin the photo album too by putting this dumb little
holographic border around the picture. Did they really need to have
a space photo album? Now what purpose does the little reflective
hologram borders around the picture serve? Other than to distract
you from the picture. Why did they put that on... Number 6. Data's Emotions Chip
is different looking. Yeah. I'm complaining about this. See the thing is they made it look
like a giant computer processor. That's so people in the audience that don't know
about Star Trek know what the hell's going on. I guess that's all right, but it just looks
so different from what it looked like before. They made this movie for people
that like Star Trek, right? So when Data was gonna
blast it with a phaser completely disregarding
any kind of safety hazards. He takes a look at the chip, ya know,
and he's like "Maybe someday, Geordi..." "Maybe someday I'll put this chip
in my head and laugh at your jokes." So then that day finally comes after
he pushed Doctor Crusher in the water. And he says "Geordi, I want to put
the emotions chip in my brain." And it's like five hundred times
bigger and it looks different. But Data doesn't say anything about it cuz
he didn't remember what it looked like. And Geordi didn't know
what it looked like either. So they...they stick
it in his brain. Number 7. Sauron's Space Rocket and a bunch of
others shit that doesn't make sense. Soran: "Yes, Captain,
thank you for coming." Malcolm MacDonald plays
a villain named Sss...Sauron He wants to extinguish a Sun to make a giant
space ribbon pass over a planet and pick him up. He'll do this by firing
a rocket into the Sun. WHAT?!? First off Picard and the
crew know about his plan. Him and Data figure it out in
the...in the room with the map. Picard: "That's where he's going." So then they go to the planet
to try and stop Sauron. When they get to the planet though they run
into a Klingon ship that has Geordi kidnapped. They offer a prisoner
exchange that makes no sense. Picard: "Then I will beam
to his location." "Then I will beam to your ship
and you can transport me to Soran" "I will be your prisoner." "But first, you must beam me to the
surface so that I can speak with Soran." So when they get Geordi back
and they beam Picard down Everyone kind of goes
about their normal business. "I'd like to run a level 3 diagnostic
on the port plasma relays." And they forget about
what's happening. Why didn't they just like beam down hundreds
of security guards to go shoot Sauron? Or send down some shuttles. Or fire a shot at the Klingon
ship and disable its weapons I could have just beamed Picard
right back up after they got Geordi and said "Suckers!" And started firing photon
phasers all over the planets. Shatner "This was once a sea.
So we're on the seabed of an ancient sea." But since they didn't do that,
we got to talk about this fucking rocket. Now I'm not a man of science
I'm a simple man. I'm an old man So assuming this is
a Class-M planet, I'd say their Sun is about as
far away from us as our Sun is. Right? Worf: "According to my calculations a solar
probe launched from either the Klingon ship" "or the planet's surface will take
11 Seconds to reach the Sun." So how in the hell is Soran's rocket
gonna make it that far in 11 seconds? Worf: "It will take us between 8 and 15
seconds to lock our weapons onto it." Light takes 8 minutes to
reach Earth from the Sun And that's Warp 1. Saurons rocket doesn't look like
it has a Warp drive on it. Even if it did, Worf would still
have eight minutes to shoot it down. Unless it could go like Warp 9.
I don't know about that though. If it was just a normal rocket it'd probably
take like a month to reach the Sun But then a blasts off, It escapes the gravitational pull of the
planet and hits the Sun in like 5 seconds. Now what is this kinda
Wile E. Coyote logic? Do they expect us to
believe this is bullshit? Again, not an expert in science but I'm pretty sure that
if the Sun turned off they'd freeze to death in like
one trillionth of a second. But I'm not an expert in this. I just know it gets
cold in my shed. Number 8.
Riker's Command Incompetence. The way Riker commanded the Enterprise in
her final moments is actually shocking. My dead wife could have done
a better job and she's dead. So the Klingons uses Geordi sunglasses to catch
a glimpse at the Enterprise shield frequency. Lursa: "That's it!
Replay from time index 924." They set their weapons to match the frequency
and they're able to hit the Enterprise. Their weapons just go
right through the shields. Worf: "They have found a way
to penetrate our shields." What would have
corrected this problem? I knew. I was screaming it at the screen in the
theater and the manager told me to leave. But I knew what to do. You change the shield
frequency, stupid. Ever since the Borg it's
become a common procedure. Even Commander Tuvok knew
how to do it in Voyager. "How'd they get
through our shields?" "I've been rotating the shield
frequency every 10 seconds." Instead Riker started
babbling about a plasma coil. "Plasma coils? Is there any way
we can use that to our advantage?" Worf: "Plasma coils!
Plasma coils! Plasma coils!" Riker: "Plasma coils!"
Worf: "Plasma coils!" Riker: "Plasma coils!"
Worf: "Plasma coils!" Riker: "Plasma coils!"
Data: "No Problem!" So instead of saying
like fire all weapons. Fire all weapons repeatedly over
and over again until they blow up. Keep firing photon
torpedoes non-stop. Ya know,
He could've done that. He tried to hatch some
kinda brilliant plan. When really they could have overpowered
that little ship in a second. Shields or no shields. Then to make matters worse Riker orders
that dumb broad to pilot the ship. Riker: "Deanna, take the helm.
Get us out of orbit!" Marina: "I get to do something I've never
done before which is drive the ship." [EXPLOSION] "We've given the keys
to like the blind dude." [LOUD NOISES] "Ya know, the kid." [DRAMATIC MUSIC] "The teenager had the keys." [SMASH] "We threw the keys anyone in red
who happened to be passing that day." "Ya know and then
finally, ya know." [CRASH] I realize he's like the captain or according
to everybody Rikers the best pilot. Geordi: "You're gonna need one
heck of a pilot to pull that off." Jellico: "Is that you?" "I could do it." "But truthfully..." "...the man you want
is commander Riker." "And I don't think you're
particularly good first officer." "But you are also the
best pilot on the ship." Number 9. Saucer Landing. Troi: "Engaging impulse engines." So that...that Troi... She's too slow on
the controls and She can't hit the buttons fast enough to make the saucer
part fly away from the part that's gonna blow up. Her general incompetence
leads everybody to their doom. So sh...she crashes the hull of the
Federation flagship in a forest. I once crashed my Cadillac into the forest.
That's what killed my wife. There's a bunch of
smashing and crashing. People flying about. Even the furniture comes
off and slides around. And then Worf takes out
a little flashlight. Why does he take out
a little flashlight? What's he gonna do with that? He's gonna shine it on someone? He's gonna shine a light showing somebody
where they're gonna smash their face. What's he shining that light on? So then the dumbest thing happens,
right, and it's very quick, very subtle. So they actually show the
windows of the Enterprise break. Like smash like a...
like a glass window. They probably said "Hey the ship's sliding around. Why
don't the windows break? That'll make it exciting." With all the stresses that
a star ship must endure. Do they really think the
windows are made of glass? "So what are the windows
made of?", you ask. I'll tell you. "Transparent aluminum!" Scotty: "That's the
ticket, Laddie." That's right. It's the same shit that
Scotty used to build the whale tank out of. Scotty: "Admiral,
there be whales here." In fact Data even confirms
this in an episode. "The transparent aluminum alloy of this window is
exhibiting a pattern of transient electrical currents." This movie just kind of throws any
kind of scientific logic out the window. "Out the window."
Get it? Ha ha ha. Number 10. The Stupid Nexus. Now people like to bitch
about the way Kirk died. He fell off a bridge and
then the bridge fell on him. He was trying to save a
pre-industrial civilization that we never saw or
we care anything about. But that's not
really a plot hole. It's kind of like uhh... just
something that's stupid. So Picard ends up in the Nexus in the
middle of A Christmas Carol or something. Tiny Tim is there and
his Christmas tree. He realizes eventually this is
all some kind of weird acid trip. Picard: "This can't be real." And then he finds Guinan in his house. "Guinan." But Guinan was just
on the Enterprise. "I thought you were on
board the Enterprise." "I am.
I'm also here." "Think of me as an echo
of the person you know." Oh, I guess it's Guinan's ghost
or part of Guinan. Something? "So, if you leave,
you can go anywhere, any time." "All right,
I know exactly where I want to go." "To the mountaintop on Veridian 3
just before Soran destroyed the star." "I have to stop him." So instead of saying like
let's go back a couple days and then I could punch Sauron
in the in the 10-Forward lounge. Or let's go back a week and uh...
and never meet Sauron. He doesn't do that. "You can go anywhere, any time." "All right,
I know exactly where I want to go." "To the mountaintop on Veridian 3
just before Soran destroyed the star." "I have to stop him,
but I need help." Picard: "James T. Kirk" [CHOPPING WOOD] So Picard's like
"Come back with me." "I need your help." "We have to go back to a
planet, Veridian 3." "Come back with me." "Millions of lives are at stake." "Help me stop Soran." Come back with me and
help me punch Sauron. "I want you to leave the Nexus with me." "We have to stop a man called
Soran from destroying a star." But Kirk's like "Can I go back to
the Enterprise B and not get killed?" And Picards like "No, I need someone
else to help me punch Soran." LETS GO! Maybe Picard wanted to
go back just a little bit. Cuz he couldn't find where
he put his favorite sunglasses. Soran: "No!" The Final Insult. How cheap can you be to
reuse a special effect? Especially one that was the finale
of the fucking previous movie. Come on! Spend the extra $60 and
blow up another Klingon ship. For fuck's sake we're not watching
this stinker for the plot. Just to be absolutely certain we're
gonna compare these two shots, okay. Maybe these two ships
blew up the same way. I guess it's possible.
Anything's possible in Star Trek. But you know what I think? I think they were being fuckin cheap.
Cheap like my wife. That's why I killed her in that
fake car accident. I mean... Captain Kirk's role at the end. Captain Kirk is probably the best
captain in all a Starfleet history. But his function at the end of Generations is not
to put all of his years of experience to work. While him and Picard do some
kind of awesome Star Trek thing. But it's mainly just to help
Picard punch the bad guy. Soran: "Just who
the hell are you?" Picard: "He's James T. Kirk." All Picard really needed
was just an extra hand. In fact moments earlier he asked
Guinan to come back and help him. Picard: "I need help. Now, if you were
to come back with me, together..." Guinan: "I can't leave." So James T. Kirk is
a replacement for Guinan. Can you imagine Guinan running around
on the bridge punching Malcolm MacDonald? But anyway Guinans like "I'm a ghost I can't help
but I know someone who can his name's, Kirk." So you got James T. Kirk in here, huh? Gee, I wish I had something
more exciting for him to do. Other than punch an old guy. You got any other
people you know in here. Is there a Home Depot in here? I can get me a handful of day laborers to help
hold down Soren while I shut his rocket up. Why did Sauron kidnap Geordi? The only reason I could see
why Sauron kidnapped Geordi was that he had some kind of
passing interest in his visor. He couldn't have possibly been thinking
about putting a camera on the visor and seeing the Enterprise's
shield frequencies so that the Klingons could
shoot down the ship eventually. In fact, they weren't even expecting the
Enterprise to find them cuz they were cloaked. The only other reason why
he kidnaped Geordi was maybe he wanted to help him get
back to his Roots. Ha Ha Ha. But seriously in the scene
he comes into the room He's got Geordi shirt off, for some reason,
then he asks him to tell him about trilithium "I want to listen to everything,
you know about trilithium." What else could Soran need
to know about trilithium? He's already built his rocket.
It's on the planet waiting to be used. He already blew up the one Sun. Currently he already
knows about trilithium and what does Geordi have to tell him more
about trilithium that he doesn't already know. Maybe he wanted to know what
they knew about his experiments. Worf already knew
what trilithium was. "They were scanning for signature
particles of a compound called trilithium." "Trilithium?" "Yes, an experimental compound
the Romulans have been working on." "Trilithium is a
nuclear inhibitor." It seemed pretty
common knowledge. And Sauron saw Guinan in the lounge. And she knew about the Nexus. So it was kind of a question of if
they were gonna put 2 and 2 together. Not really how much Geordi knew. And another thing too. Kidnapping the chief engineer on
a starship is uh, not a good idea. It's just gonna guarantee that
they're gonna come after you. Why can't they scan Veridian 3? What kind of stupid
shit is this? - "Any luck, Mr. Worf?"
- "No, sir. I still cannot locate the captain." The lame-o excuse they use for not being able to
locate where Picard beamed down to is this... "The sensors can't penetrate the planet's
ionosphere. There's too much interference." What is an ionosphere? I mean, sometimes they have trouble scanning
planets that have crazy thunderstorm atmospheres. But this is a Class M
planet with clear skies. How come the
scanners don't work? Maybe then you send down a couple of shuttles
through the ionosphere and you scan around. Their fucking Captain is down on
the planet with a crazy person. You'd think they'd try
some things to find him. Kirk gets buried under rocks. Moments before Picard is rescued
he buries Kirk's body under rocks. He could have said "I got the
body of James T Kirk here." "You should be him up too,
and we could give him a proper burial." Instead he's buried above
ground under a pile of rocks. It's only a matter of time
before the animals get to him. Picard finds his photo album. Now we all hate
Picard's photo album. Last time we saw it he was in his quarters
with Troi and then the Sun exploded. However, at the end of the movie Picard finds
his photo album in the rubble of his ready room. That must have been some crash. So at what point did Picard take this photo album up to
the bridge and then bring it inside this ready room? He never kept personal
shit in there. Oh a book here or there. But he just had his fish, a little
model of the Stargazer, and his laptop. He also had an
orange plastic thing. But I know why it was there. It was so that he could find it and walk out
on the bridge with Riker in the same scene. You know what that spells? LAZY! Picard's Priceless Ceramic Thing. Another thing worth
noting in this same scene is that Picard picks up an object that ends
up on the floor of his ready room as well. This was something
called a Kurlan naiskos. "Oh my god." It was given to Picard by
a guy named Professor Galen. Who was Picard's favorite
Archaeology teacher. At the time Picard seemed to think this Kurlan
naiskos was the greatest thing since sliced bread. "From the workshop of the
master of Tarquin Hill!" It's ancient. "This object is...
over 12,000 years old." [SMASH] And very, very rare. "You mean it's complete?" [PICARD MOANS] [SMASH] Never before in Star Trek has Picard
reacted so amazed by an artifact. [SMASH] "Professor, this is an incredible find." Shhii... who needs this? He just could not say enough
good things about this...dis thing. In fact, it looked like he was gonna... ...gonna make an
artifact in his pants. And professor Galen even said,
it's yours Picard and Picard was like.. "No.
How can I accept this?" Pshh. Whatever.
[SMASH] Anyhoo, so he didn't bother to
take it with them and he beams up. But would he really leave the Kurlan naiskos just
lying on the ground amongst all the other junk. Now what about his little flute that he
played in that one episode where he... ...he lived a whole
life as an old man. He didn't bother to
fucking find that. I think they found this prop and they
said he's got to pick up something. And then they found the prop and
they're like, let's use this. What is it?
I don't know. Picard comes
out the wrong door. So after their party
for Worf on the holodeck... Everyone comes out to the bridge to check out
what's going on that the Amorosa Conservatory. The crew comes in from the right then they
pan and Picard comes in from the left. Made for a nice shot. But what they forgot to tell the director was that
door in the back leads to the conference room. Data: "Sir, I have completed
level 1 computer diagnostics." There's no turbolift back
there and there never was. Maybe Picard was sitting in a conference
room by himself, just thinking about things. Or maybe he was expecting
everybody to meet him there. But then was a little embarrassed when they didn't so he
comes out pretending like, ya know, he was all business. I do know that around the corner to
the left they got a little bathroom. It's only on the blueprints. So maybe Picard was making
a Captain's Log. Ha Ha Ha. But seriously folks there are three
turbolifts on the bridge of the Enterprise. There's the normal
one in the back. Picard: "I want some answers!" There's one next to
Picard's ready room. Then there's another one on the left.
They never use that one though. It's like an emergency one. I think it goes straight
to the battle bridge. So why does Picard come out of
the door of the conference room? Data: "I hate this!" Then there's another shot they
took from Star Trek 6 too. Right here. "Ewwww, Yes!" And they also reused this prop. They do that a lot though. "It is revolting!" Data's Emotion Chip Subplot. A subplot generally ties
into a movie somehow. However, after examining Generations
with a team of scientists The only purpose we could uncover
for Datas emotions chips subplot Was that so it could be
parallelled to Picard and Picard's challenge of doing Star Trek stuff
while dealing with some pretty heavy emotions. "Part of having feelings is learning to
integrate them into your life, Data." "Sir, I no longer
want these emotions!" Data had no real reason
to put in the emotions chip. And he never really used the emotions at the
end of the movie to figure something out or Do some key plot thing
or something like that. Really didn't have
any kind of point. "Yes!"
[GRUNTS] He just played a
song on the computer. "You tiny little life-forms." And he swore. "Oh, shit!" I think the real reason for the subplot
was because it was a feature-length movie and Brent Spiner wanted
to do some real acting. And they needed some kind
of comic relief, I guess. To me Data is always
best when he's Data. "HAHAHA!" Not some kind of asshole clown. "I am looking forward to it. Yea,
I hope it's gonna be a great, great movie." [RECORD SCRATCH] [SMASH]
The tale of two Picards. Will never be able to unsee that.
Wonder what /r/RedLetterMedia would think of this.
I never could watch Mr Plinkett videos, the voice is too annoying
This ain't Red Letter Media's channel...They ain't gonna get no revenue from this.
Stop ripping them off, leech!