[screaming] Hey, a splinter! Okay, well, it's been
nice knowing you, but you have got to go. Now. Okay, out we go. Ugh, well, that kind
of hurts. Come on! Oh, that really hurts. Oh, barnacles, this hurts! [panting in pain] Conch-shelled manatees,
this is painful! [panting] [crying] Okay, you're tough,
you're smart, and you're charming, but you are still
no match for me! Look! A bald eagle
with a mustache! Okay fine, stay. But I hope you like
making Krabby Patties! Wait a minute. Did you say you got that
splinter injury at work? -Yeah.
-Oh, that's not good. I know, it hurts so bad. Yeah, when Mr. Krabs
finds out, oh man... -Finds out what?
-Finds out about this injury. You mean my splinter? He'll be forced
to send you home. Home? But I'm fine. Here, let me take this for you. Why? Hey wait, I'm fine! It was a good shift
while it lasted. While it lasted?
What are you doing? [whimpering] What are you-- I know It's hard
to say good bye. But Squidward I'm fine!
I'm fine. I'm okay, look at me
nothing's wrong. See? See? See? See? Oh I believe you, SpongeBob. But unfortunately,
the rules clearly state that you must be sent home. No, anything but that,
please Squidward, you can't let this happen!
[crying] You can't let them
force me away! Sorry, the rules are the rules. [crying] Please pick up
please pick up please pick up! -Patrick?
-Yeah? Oh, thank
goodness you're there. -I got a splinter in my thumb--
-Mm hmm. I see. Well, I'm pretty booked today,
but I think I can fit you in. -Thanks Patrick.
-No problem. You called the right person
Mr. SpongeBob. [grunting] Now, let's see
where the problem's at. Hmm. Interesting. [sniffing] Uh, Patrick? Hmm. Interesting, Patrick? [mumbling and gargling] Patrick, this isn't helping. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize
you were a doctor. I'm not. Oh but I'm sure
you can figure it out with your 12 years
of med school. Patrick,
you didn't go to med school. -So?
-Patrick I'm sorry, I really need your help. Oh no it looks like you have
things under control. Please Patrick! I don't want to go
home early! [crying] Okay, but we play by
my rules SquareBob! Well here's your problem. But don't you worry, buddy. We're gonna make it go away. Thanks Patrick,
you're a lifesaver. [screaming] There appears to be
a little bit of swelling. This garbage compress
should help that go down. That doesn't look good, [beeping] Yeah, but my shift is over. Call me in the morning, if you can
still dial the phone. All right boy, let's see it. [whimpering] Come on, SpongeBob. It's just a little splinter! I mean how bad could it-- [groaning] Oh merciful Neptune! Okay, no problem, no problem. Problem sol-- My leg! [screaming] My leg! My leg! My leg! My leg! My leg? My leg! My leg! My leg! My leg! My leg! My leg! [chuckling] That last one
put my daughter through college. All right,
let's get this over with. My leg! My leg! My leg!
My leg! My leg! My leg! My leg! My leg! My leg! Hmm, feels great! Thanks, Doc! Hello Fred.
Your leg! Looks great. Stay away from my leg!
SpongeBob. Oh Fred, I'm so sorry
I drove that freight train on your leg! [screaming] Heh, choo choo. My leg! [siren wailing] [laughing] Flashbacks tickle. Now please go away. Oh I know, I'll protect
his leg! From harm incognito, [grunting] [yelling] [gasps] [groaning] [gasps] [screaming] [panting] [groaning] [screaming] [panting] Ouch! [groaning] [panting] Hey everybody, look who's back! My leg! [whistling] This is his job? Oh no, not safe, must think! [grunting] Welcome back Fred,
nice leg work. But you know,
it's a lot safer if you use
a table leg instead. Wow, really? [chuckling] Now Fred,
I wouldn't pull your leg! Watch this. [screaming] Well, at least
Fred's leg! Is safe. [groaning] All quiet on the right side. All quiet on the left side. -Sorry sir.
-Cute little-- Sorry ma'am. Hey, what's going on here? Would you like
to buy some cookies? Mayday chicken leg! We got a situation
on the griddle, hiya! I got the weapon! [screaming] [panting] SpongeBob! Why are you following my leg? Hank, you have to listen to me,
your life is in constant danger! -Isn't that so Patrick?
-I think I hurt my leg. -Your what?
-My leg! [screaming] [siren wailing] [trumpet playing] Look out! [laughing] Someone help
that little old lady! Help yourselves, nimrods! [screaming] Did you see that? What was that? Why those are
the drastic radicals, the number one practitioners
of extreme sports. [sipping] Extreme what? Extreme sports. Extreme spots?
That's not fair! You're already covered
in extreme spots. Hold on a sec. [buzzing] [screaming] Okay, let's go meet
our new heroes. [laughing] We want to join
your extreme spots team. As you can see,
we're also covered head to toe in the most extreme of spots. Itchy spots! [laughing] Extreme spots! [laughing] It's extreme sports, not spots. So you want to be a drastical? Let's see what you got,
little dude. No problemo, I guess
you just hop up like this. Hey, come back! [screaming] [screaming] [laughing] Your turn, fat boy! Hey, how'd I get up here? [screaming] [screaming] Our sports are
too extreme for you dudes. Maybe we should start you two
on something easier. What games do you dudes
like to play? I want a clean fight. I don't want to see
any trash laying around [screaming] [screaming] We give up! Fling! That was close. Not so fast,
that's not fighting! Stand aside. I'll show you how it's done. Nooo, it's dry clean only! Avenge me! -Oh.
-Brutal. Ollie! [growling] -Oh!
-Even more brutal! Now that was extreme dudes. [laughing] Hey, where are
the dress-sicles? Here they come! Ha ha! [screaming
Yeah! [laughing] -Wow.
-Amazing. Jellyfishing, yeah! Dudes, now we get it. These spots are way extreme! And itchy! Krabby Patty!
Krabby Patty! Krabby Patty! [grumbling] All right, I am gonna-- I don't know what
I'm gonna do but-- <i> ♪ She'll be comin' on a Krabby
Patty when she comes ♪</i> [screaming] SpongeBob, you nincompoop!
You broke my face! Don't just stand there, help me! I need a doctor! Yes. I have been practicing
how to flop on my back. Hiya, Squidward! I've been practicing
how to flop on my back. [muffled shouting] We can't really
have you in here today. I'm going to be removing
Squidward's bandages and he made me swear to
keep you far away from him. It has been two weeks already? Don't worry doc, I promise
to stay out of the way. Okay, as long as you stay
on the other side of the... [sighing] Right. [gasps] I... I... I can't believe it. -SpongeBob?
-Yeah? How does it look? Great Neptune... Come on, spit it out.
I can take it. Time for your medicine,
Mister... Mister... Mister... Handsome! Ohhh... -What did she call me?
-Handsome. -But she spelled it wrong.
-Quick, hand me that mirror! What the...? Wait a second. That nurse was right.
I am handsome! Squidward, you're not handsome.
You're a hunk! [sniffing] Ah, there's nothing a little
foaming herbal bath can't cure. Hey, my grandmother
gave me that soap! Well, no one ever
said it'd be easy being so handsome, Squiddy. You'll just start getting used-- [screaming] Hi, Handsome. Handsome! Handsome! Handsome! Let's get him! [screaming] [yelling] SpongeBob! You gotta help me! They stole my bubble bath! Public life ain't all
it's cracked up to be. I want my old life back! Hmmm...
I know just what to do. [screaming] Squidward?
What have you done? You know what the Krusty Krab
means to me, don't ya? And you took it upon yourself to bring all these,
these customers, to me. Hey, don't worry folks, there's plenty of Squidward
to go around. So everybody just line up
and get your pocketbooks out, first will be a small fee
of $14.98 per person, everyone will get the
opportunity to touch Squidward. We don't have much time! Take the door and
change me back. And I'll even throw in a free
soft drink for an extra $3. Come on, SpongeBob! Take the door and
smash my face back. I can't! It was one thing
doing it by accident, but I can't hurt you on purpose! You better hurt me or
I'm really going to hurt you! Well, okay. Now, don't hold back, SpongeBob.
Just really let me have it. Just remember, Squidward, this is going to hurt me more
than it's going to hurt you. Uh, okay, let me just memori-- [slamming door] [screaming] Hey, I wasn't ready! [slamming door] Would you mind waiting 'til I-- [slamming door] Hang on. You're starting to look
like your old self again. [slamming door] Nope. Still too handsome. [slamming door] It's still not working. Maybe I'm not doing it
hard enough. [slamming door] Hang on a sec-- [slamming door] Let me... [slamming door] [groaning] [Heavenly music] [scream] Squidward, you're even
more handsome now! [crowd cheering] And the crowd is in a frenzy. Well, SpongeBob, it was you
who got me into this mess. Now you have to
get me out again. I know, Squidward!
I'll think of something! Huh! I just need, I just need... [In slow motion] Got me into... Squidward! Look out
for that falling shoe! [screaming] [panting] [screaming] Squidward... SpongeBob? You're back! Oh, Squidward... I love you no matter how many
times we smash your face. I almost wish
that meant something. Babysitting! Skinny or chunky!
Clean or funky! We won't get paid
if your kid's mislaid! Oh, boys, right here!
Oh, I could use a babysitter! Yay! [yelling] While you go out,
and dance, and revel... ...We will watch
your little devil! Yes! Oh, thank you!
Thank you! Wait! Where's the baby? She's inside! I'm free!
I'm free! [laughing] Baby! Baby? Is this the baby? Hmm? No, I- I don't think so. Huh, oh, this looks
like a nice baby girl. She's nice,
but she's not a baby. Wait a minute.
Aww, I found the baby. [shrieking] Eek! That's the ugliest
baby I've ever seen! Patrick, all babies are
beautiful, even the ugly ones. And we don't know
what the baby's name is. She looks like she's been
in the tub too long. Let's call her Baby Prunes. What a pretty name!
Little Baby Prunes. [laughing] [screaming] Who are you?!
Where's lazy Mary?! The baby can talk! Help! Help! It's a robbery! Hmm, strange... There don't seem to be
any baby items in here. Hmm... Okay, pills, pills,
dentures, more pills, hemorrhoid cream. Happy birthday to mother
on her 137th birthday. Aww. [gasps] 137th birthday?! [hyperventilating] Oh Baby Prunes isn't
a baby, she's an old lady! Come on, come on! Uh, is that a puppy I hear? I didn't know they had a puppy. What is it, puppy?
You wanna go out? [screaming] Oh. [barking] There you go, puppy. So long sucker!
[maniacal laughing] Uh... [barking] Huh, the puppy
knows baby talk too. Patrick! She's not a baby! [screaming] Where's Baby Prunes? I dunno,
I just let the puppy out. That was no puppy
that was an old lady! And old lady that
we're responsible for! [screaming] [yelling] Cowabunga! [screaming] I'm okay! [laughing] [screaming] What are you doing?
You don't have a parachute. Oh, parachutes
are for babies! [maniacal laughing] Oh yeah! [groaning] [maniacal laughing] -Prunes!
-Old lady prunes! Old lady baby Prune! [bell ringing] [yelling] Huh? Well, if it isn't
my two babysitters! You humiliated me! -Prunes, you're alive.
-And still talking baby talk. Why I oughta... [yelling] [screaming] Aww, Prunie wants to play. Nice old lady! [snoring] Aww, her boxing
tuckered her out. [groaning] [humming] Aww! Shh! Ahh, another job well done. [laughing] Just what are you two
ignorami doing out here? We're trying to hurt each other. Ooh! [angered mumbles] You got a sea spider
on your head. It's not a sea spider,
you dope! It's... my hair! Hmm... Wait a second.
Hurt each other? Oh, I'm gonna enjoy seeing this. Oh-oh, no, Patrick,
I'm slipping...and falling! [screaming] I didn't even break a bone! My turn!
'm losing my footing! [screaming] I've survived
a deadly fall unhurt! Life insurance! Hi-ya! Hi-ya! What? I can't hear you! Hi-ya! Turn the volume up
inside of your voice! I said... [screaming] Squidward,
what were you yelling? I was trying to say you gotta
fall from something higher. Sea spider! [screaming] Ah! My baby! [groaning] Once again, I'm asking,
what are you doing? It's our final test.
We're trying to get jellyfish to sting us to prove
we can't get hurt. What? [gasps] Oh! Me! Me! Sting me, over here!
Blast me your venom! Zap me with your pain juice! Sting me! They're the ones asking-- [screaming] Gee, Squidward. Maybe you should
get some life insurance. What are you yammering about? I bought some life insurance
for Patrick and myself and now we can never be hurt. Yeah!
To test out the life insurance, we even built a super
dangerous obstacle course across the street! We call it, "The Sushi Maker." Squidward, I think you
need this more than I. I would like to present you
with my life insurance policy. [screaming] Actually you better take two,
since you're kind of a klutz. Better take two?
Life insurance? Oh, you giblet heads!
No piece of paper can protect a person
from getting hurt! Yay! It works! You're untouchable! Oh, that was a coincidence! Driving's hard! [screaming] Yay! Life insurance! You are magically protected. -Woo hoo!
-Woo! Oh, it was just luck! Dumb luck! Look, I'll prove it.
You stand here. [groaning] Huh? Hmm? Oh. You see, Squidward?
You're immune! You can't be hurt! Yeah! You are
a cast-iron Squidward. Life insurance! Life insurance! Wow, I can't believe it, but you two sub-geniuses
were right somehow. I can't be broken.
I'm indestructible! I am shatterproof!
Watch this. What goes on, boyos? Squidward is gonna
try out The Sushi Maker. Why does he want to do that? Oh, don't worry, Mr. Krabs. He's got life insurance.
He can't be hurt. That's not how
life insurance works. It's not? Course not!
Life insurance is money the beneficiary gets
when a person dies. Squidward, come down!
You're not invincible! Life insurance is not
what you think! You were right!
Oh, it was just dumb luck! Now I'm yelling too! Oh, what are those ninnies
going on about now? I can't hear you!
Just shut up and watch me! Nah━hey! Come back, Squidward!
Don't do this! Would you stop shaking it?! [screaming] [screaming] [groaning] No. No. No. No! [mumbling] [grunting] [groaning] [groaning] [screaming] [grunting] [screaming] [groaning] [yelling] [groaning] Hey, guess what I learned today. Apparently a life
insurance policy doesn't protect
a person from injury. How about that? [groaning] [sipping] Oh yeah, this is the life. And best of all, there's
no SpongeBob here to ruin it. Oh boy, surgery!
And on my first day too. SpongeBob, no!
What are you doing here? Nighty night Mr. Tentacles. Wait no no no! [snoring] Oh hi everybody. Hi SpongeBob! Doctor, the patient's over here,
he's ready for you to begin. We're most eager to see
which tool you select first. Hmm... let me see... Whoa, whoa whoa, phew. Here we go. [yawning] [ooo-ing] [ooo-ing] Okay SpongeBob,
this can't be too hard, just make an incision here...
oh! Son of a gun! Oh, my bad! I'll take that. A-ha!
Mmm, sushi! Eww. He's really going to pieces
over this nose job! [laughing] Oh... thank you!
Let's try again shall we? [whistling] Order up! [applause] Whoa, that shouldn't
be in there! Ooo! Hmm. [grunting] What?
Oh! Ta-da! [applause] Nurse, sponge. [shrieking] Thank you, nurse. I can't see!
I can't see! I wanna see! [grunting] I still can't see! [shrieking] Ta-da! [cheering] [humming] There we go, you can
wake him up now, nurse. [groaning] What happened? I finished your nose job,
you silly goose. Take a look. SpongeBob, you idiot! This isn't even close
to what I wanted! Why didn't you say so?
Oh, nurse! Wait. No, no, no, no.
I want a different doctor. I- No. No. [trumpeting] No. No. No. No. No! No! No! No! No-o-o! Stop! I don't want to change
my nose anymore! SpongeBob, I'll do
anything, anything at- How's about
the Squidward Classic? Hey, not bad. This looks even better
than my old nose. Well, I did have to use a few of your other
body parts to resculpt it. Oh, look at the time.
I have to go to work. But you're a doctor.
You're at work. No, I am just a fry cook. But it was fun playing
with you guys, bye! Fry cook? [groaning] Don't be afraid, ladies. This sinus-Adonis
is on the market. [shrieking] [gasps] Look what's in Sandy's bed! Looks like
an over-inflated Sandy doll! I think this thing is Sandy... Hibernation must mean
the opposite of beauty sleep. [snoring] I've had enough of your
dastardly deeds, Dirty Dan. I'm gonna get you and
your partner, Pinhead Larry or my name ain't Sheriff...
Sandy... [snores] She must be dreaming
about Texas outlaws. [giggling] Look out, Sandy, I'm Dirty Dan. I'm gonna catch you
and throw you in jail at taxpayers' expense.' [laughing] -Uh, SpongeBob?
-Huh? [growling] [roaring] [screaming] Faster, SpongeBob!
She's gaining on us! Sandy! No! Stop! I warned ya, Dirty Dan, now, you've just crossed
the border into Hurtville. Sandy, it's us, your friends,
SpongeBob and Patrick! Please, Sandy,
I can't afford dry cleaning! Gonna skin y'all and make
a pair of size six... boots... [snoring] -Fun's over.
-Whew. All right, pinhead,
your time is up. Who are you calling pinhead? I wanna be Dirty Dan! What makes you think
you can be Dirty Dan? Dirty D! I'd say I'm Dirty Dan. I'd say I'm Dirty Dan! -No!
-Yes! I'd say I'm Dirty Dan, ow! I'm Dirty Dan! I'm Dirty Dan! I'm Dirty Dan! I'm Dirty Dan, uff! I'm Dirty Dan! I'm Dirty Dan, ow! <i> I'm Dirty Dan!</i> <i> I'm Dirty Dan!</i> <i> I'm Dirty Dan!</i> I'm Dirty Dan, ow! I'm Dirty Dan! [screaming] Screaming will get you-- [growling] Which one of you fellers
is the real Dirty Dan? Uh, I am. [screaming] Patrick! Hot wings. Okay, pinhead Larry,
now you get yours. [screaming] Pinhead! [growling] [whimpering] [growling] [whimpering] [screaming] Now you're going to pay
for those crimes pinhead! Sandy, stand back! I'm warning ya. [roaring] Okay, I warned ya! Did you win? [yelling] Hi SpongeBob! [roaring] [screaming] [snoring] Okay SpongeBob,
you can be Dirty Dan, I just want to be Patrick. Let's get out of here before
Sandy wakes up again! Maybe we should build a fire. I got it! We'll burn
the bark from Sandy's tree! <i> You're gonna be wearing
an iron lung</i> <i> when I'm through
with you, Pinhead!</i> The fire's not
gonna happen, Patrick. I don't get it! How does Sandy survive these
intense conditions every year? Maybe she just ignores it. Maybe... Maybe... Maybe it's her fur! [squeaking] Yeah! Oh, look, it's
SpongeBob and Patrick! [screaming] Hey, guys! [screaming] [screaming] It's okay Sandy,
squirrel pattern baldness is quite common
in small mammals! SpongeBob! Patrick! Don't worry, Sandy,
we've got you covered, heh. [giggles] More lemonade, boys? Thanks, Sandy. Spring sure is lovely. The Krusty Krushers! [growling] [burps] Oh, excuse me. You can do it! <i> And on the opposite
side of the ring,</i> we have
the undefeated champions! [grunting] [roaring burp] Happy thoughts, happy thoughts,
happy thoughts... Did it just get dark in here? Dark?! I'm afraid of the dark. Oh, don't be afraid.
It's just them. Oh, right, it's just those
guys we're gonna wrestle. Hello, fellow competitors. [roaring] What was that? Hmm, that's wrestle-eese
for you're dead meat. I don't get it. Hey look Patrick, it's
Mr. Krabs cheering us on! Whoa! Oh, hey SpongeBob. Hey Patrick,
look Patrick it's a fist. Fist? Where? Oh yeah, that's definitely a-- [cheering] [gargling] [grunting] Show them what Short Order Boy
and Pink Patty can really do! Right! C'mon, Patrick, let's show these two
what they're messing with. With pleasure. Let's do this! That's the million dollar
winning spirit. Alright, you two,
no more messing around. You see this?
It's just a spatula, right? Wrong! Actually,
this represents your face after I get through
mangling it! [grunting] There, you see that? It's not gonna be pretty
when I get done with ya. -Hey, good one, SpongeBob.
-Thanks, Patrick. Now you try saying
something intimidating as well. Okay, and if
you think this is bad, wait till I get my hands on ya. I'm gonna, uh... I'm gonna
tear ya to shreds! Like a... [grunting] [grunting] C'mon! Ah! I got a paper cut!
Paper cut! Patrick, are you okay? Huh? Oh, I'm fine.
I just like to suck on my hand. Really? Me too. [whimpering] Oh no, not the-- [gasps] Wow, now that's
a serious Sleeper Hold. Oh, hello, Mr. Fluffy. [gibberish] [aww-ing] And it looks like
the champs are ready to end it. End it?! [crowd chanting "end it!"] C'mon, c'mon, wake up! One and two and squeeze...! Oh, who am I kidding?
Goodbye, money. Squeeze... Goodbye, money. [sobbing] Squeeze... -[gasps] Oh no!
- The Iron Butt! [ooo-ing] [whistling] [bell ringing] Ladies and gentlemen,
here are your new champions! Goodbye, mon- ...
new champions?! That's right, Skip, and the
winner of one million dollars! Hello, money!
Woo-hoo! Money, sweet money! -Or...
-Or?! You can take what's
behind Curtain #2. Curtain Number 2? Make all your dreams come true
with one week at Wrestle Camp! Like we're really gonna
turn all this money for... Wrestle Camp! Wrestle Camp,
Wrestle Camp, Wrestle Camp! Wrestle Camp it is! [vacuuming]
