moistcr1tikal Twitch Stream Nov 19th, 2018 [Hitman 2]

why the [ __ ] I didn't get a notification it doesn't go out for two minutes hawk it takes two minutes before it sends out a notification on to which you just happen to beat the school buzzer school bell I know this shit's Sean Bean I heard about it kind of excited for it that's so goddamn wholesome sub [ __ ] yeah I'm in a meadow I kept forgetting that I actually paid for this game like last week so I'm a bit late on it it's not exactly like a new game anymore but I still want to play it appreciate the resub second sucks kitsune love you too team boneless wings for life we'll just start at the prologue what actually what is all of this yeah [ __ ] training actually I don't care about training you can play the entire hitman hitman game like the first one Dix - ass words well spoken so I can play the entire previous hitman game that's [ __ ] wild what's patient zero is that like a mobile hitman game like diablo immortal hitman style just do hitman two this seems like the perfect game for me why is that well I definitely can't really change any of these right now it's my first [ __ ] mission is this the first time you played the game yeah I downloaded this when it came out and totally forgot about it what difficulty does its [ __ ] think I set this to like highest agent 47 and his handler Diana burn wood are the world's top assassins working for the ICA what do you mean I don't love you our submissions turn out to be contracts for love you like a brother things take an unexpected turn all their targets have been operatives in an invisible organization known as Providence hmm Providence has infiltrated the highest echelon of power and secretly owned I'm sorry chupacabra and in plan on Alliant wages a silent war against them and so the constant Providence is enigmatic controller waggle board head some squid nerd his request track down and eliminate the shadow client in return he offers something what a cool name the shadow client like the shadow broker from Mass Effect neither know that the man they hunt is 47s childhood friend and unlike 47 he remembers everything it's anal bead time amen welcome aboard Jubjub one three five overwatch in 2018 yikes I don't know about that one probably not gonna do any overwatch how much is it to buy your trumpet in the background the trombone there's only like a $20 why she knows like $60 trombone and I think from Walmart so you'd have to start there I guess no hostile presidency understood now marinas house is just up the beach I wonder if I can just leave [ __ ] the mission I'm going swimming do I actually remember viewers who do I just say that [ __ ] I'm really good with names so no I'm not just saying that [ __ ] why did you think I'd forget you dude dad I didn't need training I'll figure this [ __ ] out a Master Assassin doesn't need to be taught anything he's born with the knowledge of how to snap a man's neck to know if you remember me but I'm Kissin Ipoh from YouTube kitsune on Twitch oh [ __ ] I thought there's another kitsune in chat I thought that was you well [ __ ] yeah it's good to see you welcome aboard Nessie I want them to know I'm coming let's film a vlog with this don't forget to smash that like button Mavericks I didn't even do the prologue and I'm still getting training I like that welcome aboard summer how do I get out of this welcome destroyer explosion appreciate the sub man I can say with certainty there was no lockpicks in the trash can but perhaps the recycling I don't my got a soda can appreciate the reefs up my knee really hurts no I'm not gonna do boner jams on a game like this sound is very important okay I'm taking the easy way in bulletproof I have some going in this way oh screwdriver you should be able to Jimmy open the garage door with a proper tool why don't you search the pool area 47 goddamn so this is like an on-rails mission I can't really do a whole lot of [ __ ] here that's a shame I understand though it's all part of the tutorial even though I chose not to do the tutorial opinion on cake farts I haven't actually seen any I'm familiar with what they are though oh my lord you sick [ __ ] execute I see them nope lost it looks like reynard's grisly handiwork alright she was never shy about collateral damage the owners don't think so the house is registered to a non-existing environmental NGO this feels more like identity theft that's so sweet fart inhaler to use disguise thanks 400 bits as well we're all bad boys here what do you say kami unlock it preparing for these people now I thought that break the glass welcome aboard yummy man ass what the [ __ ] is a cake fight it's pretty much what it sounds like oh I thought this was a person I got [ __ ] fooled who pranked me I thought there was a man sleeping right here turns out he's just like a Halloween decoration like a scarecrow on the front porch goddamn pranksters I was gonna get some action oh yeah let's run up their water bill these [ __ ] killed two people in the garage I over flow their bathroom how much this 47 Whakatane kill the target with a katana is there a katana somewhere in here I know I certainly didn't bring one to the party I'll look around no for you sloppy old man thank you dude dad it's very sweet of you see if you can't access it encrypted assuming I have a way to brute force my way in this car buddy will come in handy there might be a concealed space behind the wall check the hidden panels 47 looks like I found it it was labeled hidden mechanism it should be interesting I'll take the bust oh the katana this is what you were talking about there it I'm ready I love Naruto how do I swing it okay I figured out how to switch shoulders here we go the office can't use it no doubt q okay more freely q does not work I'm in hurry I'm detecting movement up the road a motorcade possibly reynard's uploading the data hold on receiving it now it does only work if there is an enemy [ __ ] that's sad we can either practice my swing she even knows whom she's working for wait here's something a message from Robert Knox of Kronstadt industries [ __ ] Robert Lee the sound of it he's a Providence operative a defector well well well oh don't feel fives come on today no just tomorrow no it is today multiple I'll see that tomorrow go to stage two eliminate Reynard and is that a fact type Jim suspicions one step ahead of the shadow client for once let's keep it that way all right I'll keep it that way I'm sorry you'll have to enjoy all that free champagne and cello music Orson what can I say you really took one for the turn well I say stick to what you know I have a plan let's take let's put that claim to the test where the screwdriver zopi huh well it didn't seem very impressive does it explode or anything well [ __ ] welcome aboard at average I think I smell a weeb upstairs go investigate Jefferson I don't know I got more hold on the car battery that ought to set off some alarms where's my car Bo I already threw it away miss Hart sucks no [ __ ] good God Orson broke a bust over his head welcome aboard Xylo you won't get away from this arm I'll throw a coin at her oh [ __ ] oh that's quick time Jesus why would I fake surrender and how do I use my katana did I get him oh Jesus yep damn it the best agent goes down well that's a shame 100% stealthy I'm going for chaotic stealth I like the strategy I had with the bust I think there's a lot of potential there okay and then I just need to follow it up with a good coin toss the bus came from over there where the coins are okay now I need my katana do it no no no no what the [ __ ] god get back here [ __ ] they locked it this katana is not very consistent the outplay this is how all the good agents do it open up all this more well this is pretty easy what difficulty am i playing on beginner or something I know you're in there lady you stay right there you need some some better muscle here then again I am kind of cheesing them with the corner all right I'm coming in now lady oh man this is actually a lot bigger than I thought oh it goes outside yikes she in the van [ __ ] shouldn't be anywhere okay I'll try chloroforming her it's not too late to switch to a stealth approach Oh what else do I want here uh holding that's unlucky damn is he blind which guy me I didn't see [ __ ] press ctrl what does control do oh yeah the instinct internet let's actually go for a little stealth approach here brute force is fun and all but there's only so long geez get me off the wall there's only so many times you can kill them ad nauseam let's go for a cool kill honor mm just kill them with your raging boner I actually want to put that guy's claim to the test that the screwdrivers overpowered but I don't know where my screwdriver is no oh that's right I threw it downstairs master samurais on the prowl do it whoa a rogue samurai nope there's nobody here there's nobody here oh this guy's just this guy's blind get some muscle that opens their eyes yeah well now I know where she's gonna go most likely and the stealth yeah you're going for 100% stealth yeah oh god there's a guy right there damn I think they're onto me nope never mind you forgot must have been the wind throw the katana does that work no it doesn't work if I throw the katana it's not gonna kill him oh yeah I really want that wrecking ball to just smack one of them in the [ __ ] face and kill him but I don't think that can happen here comes three on I'm probably gonna be able to handle three like that okay now I'm good then they see my sword hanging out the side it works I mean I'll try yeah you were right must have been the wind [ __ ] no boy 47 finds himself in a tough spot caught between a rock and a hard penis yet again damn it they're getting little pop shots off on me I'm going for the full weed playthrough yeah I'm going for katana only the way the devs intended the game to be played you weren't in cover I don't know how to get into cover like I don't see how it works so I don't just crouch into it right-click into it I don't know how to do it f F does not throw me into cover yeah if it does not work space space works there you go oh god she's got a son I'm gonna feel so bad when I slit her throat with my katana no okay you know what let's why am I making this harder than it needs to be target killed all right I'm out tornado must have blown a katana in here I'll take a tactical shotgun on the way out in case things get messy they're getting messy very messy I'm out the Stars Jesus and no surprises they say as a katana flew from the second-story to kill her [ __ ] evasive maneuvers now they'll never find me oh wait really [ __ ] kidding me he vanished where could he have possibly gone he left oh man these guys suck must have been the wind oh god this guy's getting dangerously close I could smell his farts if only we knew where he went God he could be anywhere if truly the master of stealth flexes yet again nothing over here boys what's that he's right next to me no it can't be I don't see anything it's just it's a plant what do you mean he's right next to me it can't be Intel must be wrong throw more coins I'm just gonna stay here so far this strategy seems to be working playing on easy difficulty actually this is default difficulty which is normal this is normal difficulty well I guess that worked I'm out let's move plant to plant it gets even easier now that's what I like to hear fart inhaler why is it so blurry Jesus is 47 drunk why is it so blurry can you throw the shotgun at people good question I don't think so because you're going the wrong way that's where I need to go isn't it said the objective was to leave well this is simple city boys running out in the open now am I gonna put it fall out 76 on the moist meter God now the only way I'd ever play that garbage fire of the game would be if one of my friends got it which they're not going to I suggest you cause a distraction 47 oh this direction loud is my middle name rat poison away okay rat poison this guy yeah is that loud enough oh he's still alive let pipe got him now I can disguise myself forgot all about this feature you boys seen a guy in a wetsuit no I'm not gonna play 76 even if I had it yeah excuse me boys but there was a man in the wetsuit here I'm gonna see oh god they're onto me I was the man in the wetsuit all along that was easy appreciate the resub Michael in 23 classic stealth game yep that's how it's [ __ ] done well I was an easy one well look at all the possible ways I could have killed her and yet I chose the most efficient throwing a katana adder from the second-story yeah baby did you play the first hitman I didn't beat it but I did play it what an easy one the hit man God flexes yet again zero stars yeah well I didn't say it was a perfect run don't worry summer I've got I'm going for an efficiency run why is he bald he killed so many people his hair fell out where his touch her she's downstairs [Applause] the storyline of this game is straight ass wax surprising with a name like the shadow client a week ago Providence was the threat how did you swing the board the board of practical people 47 I all the cutscenes actually just pictures still images welcome aboard fart and Hillary you know [ __ ] this story I'll make up my own story for why I'm doing these things welcome aboard pale wind I'm not gonna sit here and look at still images with bad writing I'm ready I don't want guidance you [ __ ] kidding me is - I agree fart inhaler completely agree it'll take over twitch so what's the story so far I was on a beachfront vacation when the hooker I hired a couple nights prior walked in unannounced so I threw a katana at her and walked away took my little dinghy out and now I'm in Miami looking for more hookers I think that's the gist of it mmm little do they know that hitman 47 has slashed all the tires and plans to race and a lawn mower for breeze ooh [ __ ] yeah men appreciate the subs that's very sweet muscular Jen love you too men [Applause] welcome aboard you Cole J Cole welcome aboard dr. Jango [ __ ] ya subs popping off appreciate the resub pixel love you too man I think I actually remember this scene from Iron Man 2 this is where Mickey Rourke then goes on the field and challenges Tony Stark to a chess match or something I already see my objective target acquired nobody panic this man was a serial killer I'm out [ __ ] I'm stuck damn he got away out again can't keep letting him get away with it oh Lord I didn't have a save there no do I have to do this whole mission again huh yikes why did that happen welcome aboard Iroh do I really have to do this whole mission again oh just back to the last screen and press restart no well that's good then glad I don't have to do that again ah there it is ready 200 IQ what do you mean I haven't played the game how was I supposed to know no I'm gonna try a different approach this time around the mascot will die I'll tell you that much oh Jesus yeah frisk me now I understand it's standard procedure no worries Jesus get away from my penis the man is a sexual predator don't you ever you're like to get frisked by that man again I saved the goddamn day I really get away there's a sexual predator on the loose holy lord there's so many bodies in here excuse me ma'am hold my fist sir fist God everyone watch out for the sexual predator sir you dropped my fist oh [ __ ] I would take a good boy anyone up for a game of fisting yep Jesus how strong are my right hooks I'm killing people with them in a single blow again oh no I actually survived they'll never find me down here nope I don't have a lockpick they're not allowed in the bathrooms I'll be fine give me this fire extinguisher excuse me this bathroom is occupied zero deaths yeah no detection 100% stealth gameplay a second oh Jesus knock show some [ __ ] respect you're supposed to be an officer of the law for that you get your neck snap my god there's nobody knock anymore you're not welcome no get the [ __ ] out holy Lord get out of the ladies room you goddamn shoving his pigs get the [ __ ] out of the ladies room oh wow damn okay I got to stop doing the load are you actually 560 I actually am I know it shit's wild all right kill the mascot by shoving it your 15 inch or not a bad idea oh Jesus the mascots up here throwing his ass in a circle now very normal behavior here just an Advent a scarf an love formula one welcome aboard Maison 237 excuse me ladies I'm here to watch the race oh wait I don't have a bag then the wrong line you stay away from my penis this time no you hear if only you had your katana I plan on finding a katana here I get points for getting frisked why isn't it like that in the real world is this is this free thank you thank you for the soda how do I drink this can I drink this I want to blend in I don't want to carry around just an unopened soda does anyone know who I get a free photo of a full mingle oh my god that's so lovely I think it's cold alt No didn't work unfortunately excuse me sir I'm a VIP yes yeah of course please take it what do you say to me don't you ever say those words again he's lucky this time I don't feel like restarting the mission well you know what maybe I do push me too far enjoy the sugar rush [ __ ] now I'm snapping your neck deny me entrance I deny you life give me that gun you didn't see anything Christ I real it's so goddamn uptight at these racing events how's it going my fellow VIPs are we all here to enjoy the race [ __ ] no I didn't you can frisk me if you don't believe me oh what am i doing to test your patience I'm scared as I'm as scared as they are I don't know what's going on officer this is some scary [ __ ] can you I didn't do this it wasn't me what the [ __ ] what the Jesus shoot first ask questions later I guess I'll have to play this smart he looks like a security guard [Applause] damnit I couldn't Eclipse couldn't exactly put the good shots on him call the bully Hunter Z I don't know why I always [ __ ] discriminated against there let's do this again frisk me I want my points logo board pink gold pink gold rhiness okay I'm gonna save here so I'll have to keep getting frisked as much as I love the frisking I don't want to go through that long process each time now let's check around here what do you guys got over here any goodies I can poison a water bottle oh nice can just steal the magazine what's up [ __ ] I hope you don't mind if I cut in line here hey there I'm just waiting in line for my autograph we bowling what's a classic blue speed huh excuse me ma'am you're really hogging the line here really making us wait far longer than we should for this douchebags autograph why is he using a pencil to sign kind of sick maniac uses a pencil for autographs ma'am please I just want my autograph I love one direction especially when they race subdue I'm debating if she doesn't move it along ma'am I'm excited as you are to meet this man can you please hurry it along there's a whole line of people here waiting for this thank you let's try and wrap this up you hurry this up get the [ __ ] autographing it out thank you no get the [ __ ] out I want his autograph Jesus Christ are you know what you're pushing me too far now lady are you going to move oh you have pepper spray you know how to use it Oh get a load of that how cute is that guys you hear that she's got pepper spray you know what this one's for all the people waiting in lines making us wait all right now sign my god damn photograph I came here for your [ __ ] autograph don't you run away from me hey Shh they [ __ ] executed him collateral damage on that one yikes poor guy I don't know why they shot him he is simply a victim of circumstance there thanks for the soda I'm gonna go grab the scissors as well Oh more soda I can just collect all the soda excuse me just here for the scissors I'm gonna do this much more stealthily I still fight for the people in line over there how far away can I hit this headshot and maybe over here get his autograph now quick while she's down now's your chance go back and sign their autographs oh god how did they know I love sports you guys love sports as much as I do Christ where's my soda cans Oh God [ __ ] I'm between a rock and a hard place yet again Oh God did I lose him I'll let [ __ ] still down and out from a soda can all this ladies pregnant don't tattle on me I'm just here enjoying a cold one at the NASCAR track subdue them all no that's fine we're doing the wave out here celebrate Jesus leave us alone wow this crowd of people does not care about bullets flying those Formula one fans are hardcore nope no nose I don't want any big news get on to the racetrack could I actually of course I have on fire like I said I'll actually play the Lego Star Wars thing at 5k subs on here all in here for the scissors dude I'd like a photograph okay could you get one of me slitting her throat my turn I'm ready Jesus had given me a thousand-yard stare I just want to photograph man I love racing what is it the scissors I always carry these take my [ __ ] picture welcome aboard TK - eh what do you need me to do like bend over and show you my chocolate starfish for an action shot or something fine you I'll take your picture give me the camera I don't know if that means there you know fine if you wanna take my picture I like that's why is there anything else I need over here hmm there's a little something over there excuse me collecting pictures of celebrity entrepreneurs now 47 send Bob's and vagine e vagina of course that mean we'll never die welcome aboard Raxus Drake what do we got over here more vendors what kind of food you selling what is this hot dogs or something what was he making like baby vomit pops looks gross I will take those french fries though you bet your ass I will why can't I pick them up I'd like to buy your french fries I hope you pick up a knife oh [ __ ] no it's just a knife stop overreacting I'm safe in here no god yeah I'm sorry I didn't I didn't know I thought this was part of the venue yeah yeah no Christ I'm sorry I'm in here with you now no you're not you'll remember if I can catch me excuse me you're staying in here with me I can't let you open it damn it god damn it stop opening the how was he opening the door for this [ __ ] mind excuse me this guy was like this when I walked in here really I don't know it's II drank way too much okay I just need you unconscious I just can't have you opening that well his face looks a little bruised from the soda I'm looking like a million bucks wait what get a load of this [ __ ] it's sunglasses when you're looking at him out in the world but in the mirror it's normal glasses have you ever heard of knocking Christ damn it can't get away with anything James Bond has nothing on agent moist ain't that the [ __ ] truth I'm an elite assassin well I don't need any of these weapons I'm not gonna risk it this time let's see what options I have around here watch the race from the VIP seats over here move out over this way no there's the guy whose knife I stole that got me all [ __ ] up good looks good can I get into a drunken brawl I need to get to the VIP area we need to eliminate Sierra Knox and Robert Knox this guy is definitely selling meth yeah I'll buy it just show me the [ __ ] ticket what do you want I changed my mind I want the ticket thank you I have my all-important VIP ticket I think you'll find this is authentic all right thank you Oh what is that [ __ ] let me save there oh let's pop some champagne assassinate the target with a flying cork I really want the mascot costume badly you gotta hide the body they're never gonna find the body and they're never gonna never gonna match that body to my fist that's just not gonna happen you're not thinking like a real assassin my loud back here I'll just wait in here and surprise the band when they try and claim their instruments surprise ooh what a what a litte party Oh somebody found the body my heads up guys you guys seen any weapons I can use around here oh I'm sorry I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I'm going to I'm going it I'm going down Christ it was an accident everyone's so hostile there are two flamingo mascots yeah I saw both of them and here's another one god I want that costume go somewhere secluded go somewhere secluded I dare you let's go [ __ ] in the back room of the drivers lounge I'm gonna stalk him don't you tell me he's just gonna stand there and boogie Wow and I'll come back for that [Music] choose the flamingos I plan on it but I need to find one in an area where I can assassinate them and take the suit first it's all this [ __ ] some merch yeah I don't forget to buy the VIP merch oh [ __ ] we're on TV hey check out this old meme [ __ ] her right in the [ __ ] did you get that on camera douchebag I'll have pic drag him out what are you guys talking about over here looking like a trailer trash to mr. incredible f1 and go to mission stories what about it oh I can follow him Oh I see all right well that's kind of cheating that makes this game really easy if I was playing it seriously what is the underground you can turn that off okay well that makes more sense then appreciate the 200 bit store oh oh wow this guy really is all on I heard that all right thank you for the disguise what the [ __ ] is up [ __ ] who's ready to see a penis you guys like racing let me save why kill him actually I don't know I guess it could have stopped after knocking him out hey I think I went a little too a little too far on that one Oh what's up race fans how do I dance I want to dance there's got to be a way they're dancing platforms I'm gonna go find one she's still hogging this don't worry guys all right enjoy your autograph compliments a toucan Sam excuse me I'm the mascot haven't you heard freedom justice get all the autographs you want except you [ __ ] you in particular buddy why can't I Mele him I don't know why it's not letting me Mele these guys oh well I don't for some reason it target locked her I don't know what she did to deserve that elbow at the dentist watching this tell your dentist I said I get in race car is mascot can you really do that I would love to race in this [ __ ] how deep does it go let's check the mission story since it'll tell me how to do everything apparently let's check that out oh god I gotta go all the way over there will there be more outrage overdrive I guess it depends on what all stories happen in a given week welcome aboard mr. bombastic mmm secret parking garage nothing suspicious there what's up security guards are you ready to turn the [ __ ] up Jesus how bigger the maps here get the [ __ ] away from that the [ __ ] do you think you're doing I sabotage that for a reason hey you know what now because you did that you're getting electrocuted hey how do you like that must be made out of rubber screwdriver her poor cooter yeah it's getting shocked Oh couple security guards here you're lucky well let's test how good their eyesight is I know who you're on the phone with you're on the phone with Comcast making a deal I hate Comcast Oh their eyesight is pretty good not a shooter I threw a screwdriver don't overreact press alt f4 to dance or classic the facecam covers the map is that important I can see the map we'll see hmm damn I need a lockpick they'll find you yeah I'm just gonna reload I'm so far away from where I want to be I think I'm just gonna say [ __ ] going for that car if I need a lockpick what are the other options here now it looks like a boring one key Intel was lost what a shame what the [ __ ] Jesus there's so much here Detroit become human this is pretty close they're basically the same game nobody has found this naked guy what have you done oh god he's planking what the [ __ ] was that why am i tit why am i suspicious Jesus I don't know what kind of kinky [ __ ] you were doing over here just get back to it just I don't care why what what happened oh well this was unfortunate who did that what Jesus [ __ ] talk what do you want bored third I don't know what's going on what is she doing what kind of mime routine is this well I'll take the car key I guess I'll keep up the good work medic she's performing CPR on a ghost I suppose really going above and beyond the call of duty there alright I'll move the FaceCam I don't see why it matters that you see the map it's not exactly like pivotal information don't you ever mop again do you excuse me I need a water break got this into text message as well as use hang right there the more you struggle the more this hurts just calm the [ __ ] down or I'll be with you in a second what a line that's not gonna score you any good boy points with me so you just needed to be patient man now how bad was that tell you everyone in 2018 so god damn impatient or the [ __ ] high has anyone seen my car am I allowed over here Jesus the mascot can go where every [ __ ] pleases you guys need to be cheered up or anything oh my lord it's Stanley he's not dead after all hey somebody take a picture of the mascot in here how goofy does this [ __ ] look huh look at this catch huh well [ __ ] all you guys then huh I'm stuck Oh disguise yourself as a race marshal oh it even tells me how to do it well that's something else oh damn that key card I had earlier would really come in handy right now [ __ ] I already know he's up there - [ __ ] man I'm sure I can find another key card you skipped the cutscene yes I did wait did I god this map is huge this map is absolutely massive I do have a strategy though okay there's something I need to test first I have to know you didn't see anything ma'am just go enjoy the race you're not telling anyone anything you didn't see anything Christ stop coming over here yes yes okay Jesus the hornet's nest they're everywhere these witnesses they're diseased my fists are the cure what an epidemic it seems they've all fallen asleep at the same time food yikes well I'm gonna I'm gonna do you a favor actually I can't no you know I actually kind of want to wait around and see what happens when she wakes up which body was found out of the thousands uh that's all right can I pretend to be asleep as well how do I sit down I just want to catch some rays Oh last witness killed thousand Boni review removed I really want to see what happens when she wakes up so I'm just gonna stick around here for a minute it's a good idea I'll drag the other ones here as well hold on I have another idea wait if I dump this body on top of her will that pusher [ __ ] you 76 but tetra said you were busy at a meeting how about we crawl out to the fallout ah that's so it's so sweet Todd Howard but I'm gonna have to pass I feel like she's going to walk on water when she wakes up Christ they're finding all of my bodies I can't let them find me I'm inconspicuous welcome aboard to anime doom I named it anime dude appreciate this up man is she awake yet it just said you killed her oh I killed her I thought it was the body I'd dumped because he drowned nothing suspicious here [ __ ] no you didn't [ __ ] oh these these people have no idea really must be connected to Kronstadt Wow what the [ __ ] did you just say I don't care how well-respected you are everyone feels a fist now if you excuse me I just assassinated one of the world leaders on only one fist there you go can you give me the rundown on who that man was again all of those accomplishments and he wasn't immune to a single flamingo fist what a shame it's almost poetic daaad he's going straight to hell they found the body in the void yes what is this yoga class are you doing hot yoga I love hot yoga well hello Jesus how big is this map oh my god I feel like I'm actually wandering around Miami sorry what do you mean I don't have the right clearance what I'm a flamingo I'm the mascot I'm the [ __ ] mascot what do you mean at all the proper clearance lady can you give me the proper clearance tell him to crawl over this desk I don't know I am somewhere in this this wild war world of f1 formula racing oh there's an aquarium here too this is insane this is absolutely massive hey bandit Oh can I just take the car and drive away now I'm in a robot facility the [ __ ] is this can I get some enhancements here and become the ultimate cyborg flamingo I can one of you nerds augment me I mean I'm just taking the first spin just taking it for a spin officer oh don't be so goddamn dramatic I mean I'm leaving I'm leaving oh hey who's this what's this whoa building the show staff is under strict instructions to summon him at any sign which one addition apparently knocks trust no one to fix his car but him I just wanted to flex pick for the gram amen it's this one okay let's do this one how do I do this sabotage the engine all right hey if you look I'm just sabotaging the engine hold on oh wait I need a screwdriver I'm gonna go find a screwdriver and I'll be right back all right you keep that engine safe for me use the car key I don't think this car key goes to that car we can actually find out right now yeah it doesn't do anything all the screwdrivers that way am i clear to go through I don't have a key card damn it I need to find a key card that key cards been a big [ __ ] hurdle for this one you guys got key cards do you think that they'll hear this if I beat their ass I'm gonna save here just in case I feel I can get them silently though let's see don't shoot don't shoot they'll definitely hear that okay don't know [ __ ] I went back to snap his neck and I blew it you have a key card by chance well that's unlucky holy [ __ ] how big is this place the guys here about that security guard that went [ __ ] where it travels fast don't you don't you telling you what we saw here I won't snap your neck consider it my mercy what do you think you saw whatever you think you know you don't know act calm excuse me that's what I like to hear yeah that's better oh god [ __ ] damn it I just want to sabotage a car it didn't have to be this bloody there's a [ __ ] crazy security guard that went wild god damn it he's got good eyes all right I'm actually gonna go for the disguise now oh my god it just keeps going hey it's you again oh my god it's just twin as well I hope this guy just ignores the body entirely just tramples it keycards at the front desk downstairs or like this front desk Amanda that's a big [ __ ] nerd write to a security guard you seen that nerd don't give them a wedgie I'll close the door oh my lord it's the nerd hive an Android arm okay well thanks for the Android arm man this mission is weird goes from f1 race cars to Android arms just security guard with an Android I'm at you again yeah [ __ ] soda machine it's weird why why am i suspicious surely it couldn't be the Android arm I missed the screwdriver [ __ ] where was the screwdriver I'll be fine without it welcome aboard nice Goff lad appreciate it man oh my lord it just keeps going oh wait this is actually my target over here there's my target how did this happen the previous room I'll go back and get it in a second hold on I'll actually kill my target real quick this is Robert no men what a resume assassinated by an Android arm that's rough I'm sorry Robert that's [ __ ] rough oh Jesus oh wait that's a bad guy oh not looking good unnoticed kill bonus yeah I earned it all right so I missed the screwdriver somewhere along the way apparently but what room was it in I already know I can beat your boys asses real quick without getting notice so I'm gonna do that all right there we go where was that screwdriver oh wait la I need to disguise myself excuse me all right it was in the Android room all right thank you be on the lookout boys a suspicious screwdriver just assassinated two security guards downstairs where the [ __ ] is that body oh it's just a weird camera angle oh there it is let's go sabotage my car their car our car why not this cut I don't need to disguise myself as it why would I need to disguise myself as an engineer and what are the engineers are these the Nerds are you an engineer hey buddy you an engineer let's find out yeah that's an engineer thank you man got my screwdriver back perfect thank you this is easy looks like racing uniforms I guess it's kind of similar oh god this is a disgusting sight oh who would do such a thing Oh Dee oh my god I'm so sorry this is all this is this disgusting oh well Jesus wait why is he so bloody I only snapped his neck I didn't like chop him into pieces I think this I think the security guards up to no good some foul play he must have [ __ ] chopped up the body pirates dismembered him it's a sick [ __ ] right there I wouldn't trust that security guard a pardon me there seems to have been something wrong with the engine here it was missing a screwdriver in the flux capacitor you wouldn't understand your small reptile brain couldn't possibly comprehend that's your fix it poor octane booster where the [ __ ] is the octane booster does that guy get in it and it explodes or something oh god I hope so please tell me that's what happens 20:18 not having an octane booster yeah don't tell anybody I can't believe I didn't have my octane booster so this car gonna explode or something I need the booster god damnit where do I get the booster where does one find an octane booster room behind the car then go to the garage thank you behind the color Jesus it just keeps going you got an octane booster somewhere over here I'll take this key card you are you also looking for an octane booster fellow engineer yeah I keep miss placing mine here he's talking about the octane booster God that guy must be like the manager and he doesn't recognize me as the new higher e that an octane booster can turn on the radio okay I'll turn on the radio maybe it'll lure him away he'll start dancing or something why is that so suspicious to turn on a radio where's that but there it is that's an octane booster if I've ever seen one I'm actually gonna save again I've made a lot of progress on this one I don't want to lose it got a sick [ __ ] turned on that radio no or I got the missing ingredient in the Powerpuff Girls formula here from the chemical propane booster octane booster excuse me Oh how's it going Robert excuse me it's missing the octane booster Robert it's not ready yet Robert it's not ready yet Robert get away from the car it doesn't have the octane booster now here you go Robert get away it's gonna explode Robert no get out of there it's gonna explode I just saved his life I'm a goddamn hero why are they shooting at me I know that's actually see what that happened what happens if I let it explode yeah the character does look a bit like Walter White Heisenberg's on the run here oh yeah I snapped his neck I guess I didn't save his life I just I saved him from dying from an explosion [ __ ] Broadway tickets to our maid and museum with me I'm not an Iron Maiden fan that super sweet get away from the [ __ ] car Robert Robert please don't you ever speak to me like that again Robert get away from the goddamn car Robert I just want to put in the octane booster why are you making that what the [ __ ] as fascinating as a magic trick that does that is Robert I don't care to see it right now I just want to inject the octane booster please get out of my butthole Robert Robert don't make me don't [ __ ] I'm stuck fine do it do what you want what do you mean I can't read that's propane am I actually looking for something called octane booster I thought all I needed was propane I'm pretty sure this is what I'm looking for oh you're right that is 100% not it I thought it was just called octane booster but what I needed was propane well now I know is it over here no but I can hide in there it's that cup of coffee the octane booster I'm just looking for an octane booster man that's all that's it I couldn't wait I'm gonna rat poison this man real quick just because he's an [ __ ] enjoy your coffee added a little bit of extra spice to it I'll get help huh oh you're getting help huh are you getting help huh god damn it just drink the coffee I really hope that he just forgets all this and drinks the coffee hold on let's see I will wait here as long as it takes he didn't see me did he [ __ ] you did see me damnit what a waste that's a waste right there gruesome coffee I'm gonna get him with it where is this [ __ ] octane booster though wasn't any of those things but I will grab this rat poison just to [ __ ] with this man's day a little bit let's make some noise he just broke his coffee what a piece of [ __ ] this is for breaking your coffee cup your wife worked hard on that show some respect that's a hammer that's not the octane booster what he had a terrible accident where is this octane booster at it was nowhere in the garage oh there's a fire axe though it's kind of nice whoever said it was in the garage is just absolutely wrong you don't want to come in here Robert Robert you don't want to come in here I [ __ ] told you you didn't want to come in here Robert god damn it why didn't you listen to me Jesus Christ no one ever listens to the mechanic now where is this octane booster that's a born killer you have the octane booster somebody's got the octane booster up here somewhere oh it's got to be up there this mans looking at it through the binoculars he's spying on my octane booster where was it oh wait I can sabotage the race Chuck just drop it I don't need it oh wait I need to this guy's is race Marshall okay okay [Applause] come on baby let's in the race shelf in the [ __ ] garage I already checked the shelf that's where I got the hammer and it's over well not a very enthusiastic race Marshall [ __ ] this position I'm getting my fire axe Jesus what happened in here Oh God he's waking up go back to sleep you don't want to see what's going on in here [ __ ] don't you dare shoot at me this guy's gonna keep waking up and seeing dead bodies I'm gonna make sure he's in a perpetual nightmare there we go don't care of that Oh God well where's this where is this protein booster kept forgetting the name for a second that's where I got the hammer over there is where I got the rat poison is this it no that's a wrench oh wait to the [ __ ] [ __ ] that kept typing and all chat it's on the shelf you owe me a sub right now it's a wrench I passed it what do I mean I passed it the upstairs shelf you mean this right here Oh over here oh there it is okay now I know now let's finish my rampage Jesus this screwdriver really is strong I'll assassinate every goddamn race guy in here he's already dead it won't work I know I'm gonna reload just so I can do it the right way I'm a screwdriver ninja man nobody really reacts to this [ __ ] huh nobody really seems to care oh I threaded the needle on that one pardon me anyone else looking to catch some of these forget everything you saw here maximum efficiency yeah [ __ ] yeah you should have just given me the keycard this [ __ ] is so [ __ ] quick no one escapes holy [ __ ] is right did he not see what happened where's my screwdriver welcome aboard yogurt guy appreciate the sub man wow this game is really [ __ ] easy if you don't want to do the stealth way yeah well holy [ __ ] it keeps going can I go this way there's no way the map keeps going yeah I figured okay let's kill them the right way it's way too easy to just brute force your way through this oh you Gert yeah I am sorry I didn't see that appreciate it man okay now let's see how this kill looks oh you piece of [ __ ] I'm just going to sabotage it again Robert why waste all of our time I'm getting a lot of telemarketing phone calls recently yeah let's see if that fixed it Robert there's nobody notice that you just threw like a fart on it but the [ __ ] of these texts I got is he ever gonna drive that car I have to get in the car oh all right oh wait no there he is oh [ __ ] no no no no no no I just I just sabotaged it all right am I going to explode with the car when does it explode is it going to explode no did I finally get him give it a test run Robert appreciate the reset reset comm yard I need to start the last time what I have to do it three times I'm not getting up Robert what I've got it Robert I've got it Robert ah just a loose wire huh all right Robert what the [ __ ] happened back there Robert you [ __ ] up my engine Robert man what an unfortunate accident that was cute I'm gonna go tell the authorities what I've seen here oh and I stuff do kill Sierra knocks all the way back I'm like the other side of video game history Jesus I forgot there was even like a race in this map the map is so [ __ ] big oh wait I should really get the keycard before I forget I'll get another one safe oh yeah good point welcome aboard row row big I saved calm down are you flirting on the job oh I actually do still have my key card that's good is there anything I need in here nope just surprised the boys in the locker room as they're celebrating their race win surprise let's see dick whoa [ __ ] speedrun strats took me right back to where I didn't care to go now I'm going back the long way out of shame choose a mission story with f1 I know I'm just going back to civilization for now well actually that's a good point let's see what do we have available yeah welcome aboard piquant a Jaguar already killed Robert Knox I don't need that one I already did the octane booster oh wait I'm in the wrong thing that's Intel mission story lost on like half of these hmm I have one left intravenous where's this one take place okay we'll do this one you know we're having fun with the game while I'm [ __ ] enjoying it they're early not exactly doing anything the proper way but god damn it if it's not fun throwing screwdrivers at people and making up your own story intra anus amen the most efficient way of making someone comes it's broken [ __ ] what's the story so far it seems like Skynet was working on androids but using an f1 race as a cover-up for their dubious schemes and they were taking human prisoners inside and turning them into androids and I sabotage them by turning on a propane octane super booster on a car and I killed John Connor it's really been a pretty impressive story so far by all that I mean I haven't listened to a single cutscene as you can see I'm a Kronstadt engineer welcome aboard giant crony AK appreciate that sub man [ __ ] ya Oh baby [ __ ] ya that fat [ __ ] sub baby [ __ ] ya oh yeah [ __ ] yeah appreciate it so his hit man the good guy not the way I play him now answer me do you think he's the good guy hey what is up my friends well let's just say she's got a bad case of intermittent explosive disorder yeah I mean he could be considered a good guy depending on what side of history you stand for I suppose so there are different missions just based within big maps yeah I can answer that cliff yeah so it seems Ciaran Knox has jumped on the revitalized I don't care how big is this goddamn map can I come this way no did I go this way couple of doctors because they liked hopefully soon go straight welcome aboard Kaylee the cat you know there are only three people here and I do still have a screwdriver okay it's worth it no reason to think too hard there we go I got my medic disguise speedrun strats oh I can't disguise myself as them [ __ ] well [Music] oh that's the disguise I needed I just calm down it's not that big of a deal wake up now we're good ultimate stuff I've got my medical screwdriver out hopefully no one needs medical attention in here I don't have the keys oh there's somewhere on the counter where's the witch counter is it on man I have to tinkle real bad I got it I got a [ __ ] pee pee real bad gamer peepee complete story mission 100% complete welcome aboard jazz grow 2015 [ __ ] yeah appreciate the Sun where the keys at oh I was close by Beijing knocks a little line Ciera knocks should be on her way to the emergency area now hopefully she doesn't notice anything suspicious while she's in here you know what actually I have a plan let's uh let's clean this place up a little bit before she gets here it's got a little sprucing up to do before we're graced by Ciara Knox's presence the door closed hopefully she will not notice the puddles of blood yeah I've been streaming on here for like three months now ranked damn it stop closing I've got a lot of bodies that I need to hide wrong way cry she's almost here Jesus it's not time yet I don't have to I don't have the trick-or-treat candy out yet all right well hello miss Knox it seems she hasn't noticed all the blood on the floor miss Knox alright can we do it out here because I haven't hidden the other three bodies in the other room yet I would miss Knox I would much prefer if we handled the matters out here miss Knox you're not gonna like what you find back there I will tell you that much you are not gonna be pleased with the facility yeah yeah no I don't think he's alright it looks like there was a screwdriver involved miss Knox why didn't you just listen to me can I throw this on her no miss Knox please take your medicine take your [ __ ] medicine oh that's right ten cc's of my fist just what the doctor ordered why couldn't you just listen to me miss Knox let's try this again the right way classic meme the hit the dab like Wiz Kalifa hit-or-miss alright let's hide this [ __ ] again actually I've got an idea to save some time here sometimes time saving speedrun strats instead of going through the door I'll just put him behind this desk because it seems like she doesn't go over this way okay there we go that should be good enough now I can handle business over here I don't know where to put these guys yeah it should be good hopefully no one comes around when you can stroke my eyebrows well I haven't given it a whole lot of thought to be honest with you is it something you want to do soon do we plan for the future perhaps hold on the snacks we're just tidying up miss Knox alright well that guy's kind of hanging out the side there I hope she doesn't look down you're oblivious you're obliviousness is always appreciated miss Knox always known for your lack of attention well if you wouldn't mind going facedown in that pool of blood and waiting anyway doc mostly floral extracts should I be concerned I'm not just relax it'll be over soon mm-hmm luckily she doesn't suspect a thing with all the blood on the floor right now are you enjoying it what if she's immune to belladonna oh my god what if she built up an immunity to it I need a plan B she's faking it she's on to me no no she wasn't faking it that was underwhelming I didn't like that the last one I blew up a man that time I just made her choke don't go back there your appointment is canceled we were overbooked thank you for my screwdriver back miss Knox would like to see you oh wait didn't I bring no no I didn't know I was gonna say I thought I brought a security guard thing I'm missing a crowbar I need a crowbar to finish the mission or I can go all the way back there I guess welcome aboard cliff J mm [ __ ] yeah oh I could have left right over here I had no idea why is there avengers music cuz i just pulled off of an incredible stunt that was easy take the Flamingo disguise and escape at the roof of the robot building I would have been kind of cool I didn't think of that uncharted music oh yeah I think generic musics probably the right answer not bad no stars again how's it going down Nick my day's been all right hope your day is going well you know it will [ __ ] that then they don't know what they're talking about oh I mean I could make this game much easier with just a screwdriver but I don't plan on it I can use a fish as a weapon that's kind of cool that's pretty [ __ ] cool let's go to the next one when did that happen I don't care I don't care about the [ __ ] story do you plan on finishing this game maybe I really enjoyed the last mission I was a lot of fun to [ __ ] around with I don't care about the shadow client thank you did you kill Sean Bean yet he's not in the game yet now he won't hear about super cocaine are they making super cocaine here welcome welcome to Columbia Columbia do you work for Columbia right just making sure hmm thanks for the wrench are the screwdrivers in Colombia probably oh can I take this I cannot nope what I was just fixing your moped calm down goddamn I'm just a handyman on vacation handy with a [ __ ] wrench to the face [ __ ] damn it get back here wait I didn't even do that oh he was faking you're a liar oh this is easy oh I thought it said disguise casual terrorists perfect stealth as always I mean you've come to expect that from my runs now let's ride this moped boys what what is the point of that why is he wearing it like a nutsack it's a dumb ass guy let's see what story missions do we have in here backpacker that seems kind of boring deadly art NAT sounds kinda nice half-baked hallowed ground hardest don't oh wait I just killed someone important for that hmm let's check this one out let's go meet him undying love has sex really you mean kind of like the ass to face sex that you're seeing on the body found image are they following me I hope I can blend in I'm off-duty I don't speak Spanish I can't read this note that man you're part of my story missions how much monkey nuts did you end up with I'm still at 270 something okay can you can you do something story related bro Jesus alright I'm killing your friend if you don't do something story related there we go oh my god you brought that on yourself now tell me something story related god damn it pick it up pick it up I said pick it up oh Jesus I don't even see all of them I'm just a tourist the wrench assassin on the screwdriver assassin mainly appreciate the hundred ten bits big old username can I do any cool planning and probably not yeah I cannot who well let's do the undying love thing if it has sex whoops no that's not what I meant let's check it out appreciate the hundred bits fictional cat and I just knock mission failed all right I'll come back with the disguise your grandmother likes this [ __ ] I put out that's so sweet hello shirt ins grandmother this one's for you okay can I just nope can't even take his clothes god damn what disguise do I need do I need their discuss this looks like the right one excuse me they're not very fast oh Jesus they use key cards here hmm how does it feel to have a beard probably the same way it feels to not have a beard okay there we go Oh what there we go that was their Elite Guard huh not a whole lot of talent there not a screwdriver killed zero stars I know I haven't found a screwdriver in this mission yet last place is a [ __ ] pigsty what a [ __ ] can I pee in here no all game is you playing is that the new Red Dead - oh they're jerking off to the Food Channel [Music] appreciate the reefs up Jason [ __ ] yeah man yeah eventually big ol username one day I'm almost there this better be some super erotic sex Jesus she's far away that is P power P power P power huh what a name I'll show him some peeper can I go this way or no yeah good Jesus this girl is so far away appreciate the resub tetromino I'm I had to have gone the wrong way okay I'm not running all the way back oh I have to redo the mission that's why I don't care I'm not going all the way back who would win hit man or Batman depends am i playing his hit man am i controlling him oh dude deadly art I want to go in order I want to start with this and then I'll do deadly art hey boys okay that'll probably work I hope they got that all on camera is this going in the moist meter um maybe we'll see hey it's me bad guy bad guy yeah oh my god which disguises the cartel it has to be these guys did I steal one of your clothes just drop them on the floor okay this is this is it okay thank God God how many punches can they take there we go can I use the dumbbells that's a shame will you play smash when it comes out of course I love seeing that Jesus cartel here will you man probably Luigi like all the other games too suspicious no how about now know that words what the [ __ ] what the [ __ ] why did that oh my god why did that happen okay we're in a bit of a pickle [ __ ] your guys doing some cool stunts got a little bit of a pile up over here does anyone else think I'm suspicious all right good I think I heard something over that way oh god there's more must have been the wind don't you turn around yeah uh-oh he's on to me [ __ ] well got the reload [ __ ] god damn it that sounds great moist liquor have fun man jerk-off thinking about the stream and fat subs and fat sub emotes and [ __ ] and I feel you man that's not Tekken cliff that Soul Calibur but every Saturday we do Soul Calibur Soul Calibur Saturdays baby excuse me do they hear me Christ he got away you ran this way welcome aboard true vaporwave god there's mr. Krabs my main in Soul Calibur at the moment he is yeah it was alright cartel guys Julia already established that these guys yourself is P power to get in why can't I come in was that guy not cartel open ding-dong-ditch [ __ ] okay what the [ __ ] oh poor timing okay do that one more time I want you to do that just just one more time for me but they're looking at me through the camera thank you oh my god Jesus I'm getting flanked all right I'm taking care of business I see how they found me surely it wasn't the murder it was the cameras oh what the [ __ ] when did they all come out here Christ I need those weapons oh that quick turn around yeah that wasn't happening yikes [ __ ] goddamnit I don't know do I really have to disguise myself as pee powers to get in there's a shimmy point to the right of the door okay I'll try that there we go that guy's a faker the cartel guys the guys plainclothes and guns no that was not a cartel that was militia he even turned me away last time oh it's a game-changer what do you mean there's a shimmy point to the right of the door I see well they'll never expect this what's up wuzzies hey I brought a shovel no no I did not actually I guess this'll work hmm [Music] I'm just a goddamn gardener just a gardener just a gardener what the [ __ ] happened in this jacuzzi plants that need to what the [ __ ] Jesus Christ the discrimination lawsuit that I'll win from this dammit I want to do the mission the right way god dammit I can't hit [ __ ] oh I thought it was on to something there I'm not going to all the way to P power P powers was across the goddamn country I'm not going that far I have a better idea I'm not doing the P powers disguise it's too far away I've already found peak hours he wasn't very close to me and I'm gonna go Gardner to maid okay I just need to get to the made-up [ __ ] just the gardener are they my suspicious no I'm good where's the maid [ __ ] they're heavily guarding m'lady maybe I can flip a coin over here and she'll follow the sound why did that work I'm a goddamn genius consider it a tip for all the hard work I can't disguise myself as a maid hmm well then I was a waste I thought I was onto something there hmm how efficient or how effective are these coins I can't tell if he's following the coin or not pick him up what what what what what no what the oh Jesus [ __ ] where did that guy come from Oh God Oh God you're a piece of [ __ ] here's a coin did you guys see him Oh God Christ I'm unhittable welcome aboard Aaron bbbbb and this will work I am doing them properly this is the way IO software IO Interactive planned ooh actually I have a really good plan check this [ __ ] out I'm gonna call all the guards over this way now they're all going to be following that shovel like a moth to a flame leaving themselves wide open look at my genius at work Wow nobody gave a [ __ ] what a shame well I'm gonna go pick up that shovel they don't want it have you boys seen a shovel over here what the [ __ ] is this shovel doing here I understood this here for the shovel and I look like a real Master Gardener I need to find one isolated guy Oh pickpocket some master farmers yeah you gotta keep track of Myron our seeds Rico's brother Hector is trying to win old flame Andrea Martinez apparently Hector has altered a rather slushy love letter for one of the Sicari all right I'm on it she'll fall for the gardener the nice guy need clearance yes of course of course uh excuse me boys I'm just looking for clearance just just look at the clearance just it looks like I found my clearance oh god wait this all that or heard that well that's unlucky that this should still be fine where is your shovels at boys Hector said we all need to carry shovels around here what do you want to drink huh I'm not mansion staff I can't blend in what my shovel is too suspicious oh my god they all stood up I see when I'm not welcome at the sweet 16 whoa yeah I understand we'll see shouldn't come out here Oh God don't do it [ __ ] looks like I'm fighting my way out I just wanted to [ __ ] your wife oh that's everyone the only reason I'm even here is to play this arcade game oh wait it's freedom fighters end of that game that game was a [ __ ] flop welcome aboard axe Slayers has he was that guy here the whole time it is hiding in the corner god I hope no one sees me no letter yeah it was somewhere over there have to release my peep out that's what it is I need to disguise myself as a waiter gardener coming through just here to check the crops [ __ ] oh that's unlucky timing you didn't see anything though I don't think no one's gonna believe him there's doing a drink delivery damn it magic guy with a circle above your head so they can see through these guys don't worry I have figured out that mechanic j1 I just need to be a bit quicker and I should be fine little speedrun strat they're all good dude perfect oh wait wrong way well no that's not me that wasn't my mess I'm just going to serve some drinks that wasn't me leave me alone you boys need some drinks how's the game so far I [ __ ] love it now don't worry I'm here for the drink Jesus man's got a real hard limp yeah do that line luckily i poisoned it with rat poison I need that letter it looks like they're all looking for the killer they'll never suspect that it was me I'm too much of a beloved staff member here there's just one guy in here god damn it if I had a screwdriver can I throw his head in the soup good start a gas leak could use a kitchen knife not as efficient as it there's a chef that's gone mad it's not me Jesus you've got the wrong guy just give me the letter where's the letter give me it everyone get back I have a love letter I know how to use it [ __ ] yeah Oh baby and I was never seen at the mansion again take it easy forever LJ you have a great [ __ ] day out there right pound and [ __ ] and sucking ass alright time for the cook or the butler to subdue the fair maiden the knife's milady how are the mechanics of the game fine I guess I don't know I'm not exactly pushing them to their limits or anything just casually running around [ __ ] [ __ ] up while I competing will I be competing in a speedrun of this probably not hello I'm here to win back Andreea well just let me in which hitman game is your favorite this one the screwdrivers [ __ ] great can I just go in this way no ZZ hey let's play some basketball peep what hey what what what's wrong with looking through the peephole we just became friends too and you had to go and do that [ __ ] man excuse me I should've hopped in earlier wait I can go now yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah with the glory hole yeah the glory hole betrayed me I did it I planted the love letter oh Jesus they're all looking for me I guess can I take ordinary people clothes no I'm in a tough spot Andreea open the letter please wait by the window oh [ __ ] I didn't know that [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] I'm going for it Jesus vault there's nothing here damn it Andreea read the letter I'll try read the letter read it read it read it you [ __ ] what did you think oh this is hurt yeah you should have read my letter well I don't grow good girls like good guys why don't they ever fall for the nice guys like me dammit welcome aboard snazzy chops subbing for the nice guys now that we're gonna get a sex cutscene out there but we did not that's a shame at this time I'm not going through the peephole cuz that guy's a [ __ ] tattletale what color hair would hitman have I definitely say like a hard red I have a plan this hasn't failed yet hey there you ready my god someone's just throwing coins away over there just giving money away yeah can you go leave me alone leave me [ __ ] alone [Music] would he care if I jumped over this I mean well he cares if I looked through the glory hole I think I'll care if I jump over this well [ __ ] it he like predicted my throw before I threw it he was already like gurgling on his own blood I think his cell phone might have been poisoned why can't I jump over there we go perfect Oh [ __ ] go back to the other position max I should be fine the AI is not super super advanced or anything where should I watch this this looks like a good vantage point watch her fall in love with me camp in the balcony way ahead of you gray fox she gonna like hate [ __ ] agent 47 all right let's not make a song and dance out of it just [ __ ] read it you just said that Andre huh you haven't even opened it yet what you didn't even read it what the [ __ ] is she she like lobotomized Oh God [Music] with a close call how many times you're gonna reiterate that point I get it welcome aboard Marcelino push her off I don't want to hold on I was told there'd be sex do I get to have sex with her oh she has sex with Hector not me she has sex with Hector and not me this is where all the good guys out there [ __ ] the Chad's choosing Hector over a nice guy like me you [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] appreciate the resub jacksepticeye good to see you Sean take that love letter to a girl that deserves it if I kept Tector alive though he'd get a cutscene is that how it works cuz I would like to see that if you waited she'd go have sex with Hector okay well I'd already killed Hector hey wake up buddy it's not that big a deal who's next what do we got that one seemed boring this one might be fun why would killing him stop her yeah why does he's just go [ __ ] Hector's body [ __ ] hey what's up travelers this is an odd place to travel to a cartel and militia infested city here but hey celebrity tattooist of tattoo tormund fame has come to Santa Fortuna I'm [ __ ] ready come on hurry the [ __ ] up push eliminate I have to see it don't let that stop you take me to P power where is it he's not that way I know he's not that way need captain now take me to the real people it god damn it okay let's do this normally now why would she die from 5 feet you don't understand you don't get how a fall like that look there feels Plus these are piranha infested waters remember when we threw the Stacie off it's super sweet appreciate it Spencer Thank You Man thanks for the 300 bits I hope streaming goes well for you you don't need to follow them well it's too late I'm already part of their little posse oh you're right I don't need to follow them you're absolutely right nice clothes the sheer force of that push killed her before she even hit the water that's what I'm thinking I had some [ __ ] meat behind it what is he doing is he taking pictures of the girl without his consent did she consent to those photos buddy excuse me ma'am did you consent to that don't you ever do that again I'll take my sex now I'm a hero I defend the women now come around to you where do you live around here you have nothing to fear good girls just do not like the nice guys I already took care of the trespasser where's P power out all right you got me you got me I'm P power I'm P power you got me you got me all right now before I kill this guy [ __ ] I just want to see P power [ __ ] D power in that bar P power you mean yep he's in the bar also I don't need this lady anymore so here we go yeah that's rough you're next so it's a foot you mean what the hell is that it's my foot goddamnit that water sounds like concrete well I think that was the impact of the kick that's pretty impressive German Jedi I think you'll be all right but that is an impressive amount of nuts yeah I'm back [ __ ] it's good to see you sloppy old man this guy looks like a cool guy hostel god I already killed her you'll be fine yeah already kill there I'm doing a rat chill and hope you're doing well okay I'm saving here it's a long follow mission yeah sexy it's me look I'm in real trouble and call me back alright Jesus Christ tattoo guy I'm about to shove a fist up him just to finish just to [ __ ] hurry this along oh hey do you like coins here's a little tip for all your hard work [ __ ] pick what up pick what up what do you mean use it their coins oh he just registered with him oh these are coins not trash no enjoy it man I'm poisoning that beer Oh wrong button I didn't mean to hot bag just calm the [ __ ] down all I can just keep getting more coins there's a tip for you you have the good work you too buddy oh I have to disguise myself as this guy okay everyone close your eyes oh good dodge don't tell anyone don't tell anyone don't Jesus this was supposed to be our little secret yeah it should be all the witnesses no no they must have heard the bullets from a little distance away no one's gonna believe her oh there's more oh Jesus I've been flanked no I clicked the wrong one god damn it Andrew is a better agent 69 you haven't seen me doing the incredible [ __ ] that I was doing earlier these two last two missions have been really underwhelming compared to the racing mission that's a really good idea axle that is a great idea I know who P power is did you hear the coin oh no he's got wind of it he's like a squirrel tracing acorns oh look what the [ __ ] another one this is just [ __ ] raining coins out here oh Jesus Christ another one oh my god this isn't a [ __ ] Christmas miracle got all these coins [ __ ] give me that it is I pee powers notorious rocket power rapper where do I go all the way back there good lord iron I appreciate it 0x I nailed at that time didn't I I think I remember the pronunciation gonna need some tattoo sleeves yeah I guess I couldn't steal the tattoos off of his body for the disguise unfortunately welcome aboard crank crank PD nailed it yeah agent 47 notorious douche tuber make sure to smash that like button and thumbs up ring the bell tell your mom I said I was up [ __ ] I'm here to tattoo frisking not allowed illegal items in the inventory hey do you guys mind if I put my gun somewhere oh I guess the frisking guy gave up all right whoa okay I'm sorry I was invited though what what do you what do you mean are it well I'll just sneak around oh excuse me there's rocks here I didn't how silly ah there we go I fooled them now oh the gardener that I killed 30 are knocked out 30 minutes ago as awake they just now found did drop your gun yeah I think I'm gonna have to oh you got oh I'm standing right on my gun hey one of you guys must have left your gun over here this is so embarrassing which one of you guys dropped this right next to me no he he's [ __ ] looking at the gun well if you guys don't need it oh hey uh well I'm gonna have to lure him again I should have saved well that was a great strategy right up until the end at least this is easy I'll meet you over here you took a speedrunning route to the coins there's more there we go okay I'll save when I get to the door this time that way we can avoid this I'm not gonna need to hide the body that's it's a useless mechanic this game is very easy at least on the difficulty I'm playing on which I believe is normal it might not be but I'm pretty certain it is I don't remember killing that guy I think I was framed for that one real gamers play uneasy like I'm pretty sure it's normal a pizza hot pocket or a ham and cheese when ham and cheese one's gonna be a little better for you excuse me just dropping my gun oh he saw me do that all right that guy's got some sharp eyes look how they find the gardener like 50 minutes after I've already like killed him knocked him out rather let's try this strategy on out of coins whoops that's going to be a hindrance and my shovel is not here can I throw my gun why am I to suspicion what the [ __ ] I wish I could throw their gun I don't think I can I know I forgot the coins I know how to drop the gun man I've already dropped it a couple times but I want to drop it in here so I can pick it back up can you defuse all right calm down okay if I drop it there he's gonna see me how about if I you gonna see me if I do this no you didn't see me okay we're good and he's not gonna notice the gun so that's fine oh he's really getting in me oh we're getting real [ __ ] close oh god here comes a blow job I don't want that gun back there we go we're good I'm a goddamn genius I'm definitely gonna save their I don't want to do that again as you guys teleporting all around his mansion Oh wife to reco Delgado's dua [ __ ] I know it is don't forget to subscribe to my daily vlogs Oh baby I don't know I've been thought about it do you want some do I have to help you get you a little wiener off with some sexy-ass AMR Lucy Catalina can you please shut the [ __ ] up I just want to tattoo your husband's penis and get this over with of course yeah yeah yeah yeah for sure which I do want me on okay over here yeah [ __ ] yeah all right yeah [ __ ] yeah [ __ ] yeah [ __ ] you I didn't look good in that picture I'm out I refuse to tattoo her beep ours is bouncing see you [ __ ] Jesus did none of them see me do that well that guy that guy's crying wolf over there you know what I'm gonna wait over here for her to get up and I want to see if she's going to remember that I did the head all right she's awake I'm gonna wait for things to cool down and I'm gonna come back and see if she wants another picture well just wait till they forget about me I've already made friends with all the guards at the front door now it's her word against mine she's gonna untag you I'm hoping I deleted the picture on the way out that way there was no proof I was ever there for it how's it going princess hope your day is going well she's gonna delete the selfie I'm waiting for her to move around as soon as I see her change locations then I'll feel confident oh god she's looking at me I think she's on to me hmm maybe if I hide maybe it's the direct line of sight that's giving me away she's still there Jesus Catalina get over it it was a simple elbow appreciate the resub in beam I keep forgetting about new Vegas man but I do plan on it I will definitely do some mod New Vegas chill forget I have complete confidence in the AI to forget right let's see I I feel like their remember me but I'm not sure I may have hit her harder than I thought she may have forgotten I'm here to tattoo your husband are we still on for that this is the first time we've ever met got it oh god I think she knows oh I think they all know I think they're onto me do I have anything to distract them perhaps fiber wire probably won't do it I'm gonna go pick up that shovel I threw earlier so you remember what I did with my shovel I don't remember oh I threw it at the guy in the mansion [ __ ] I need my shovel I'm naked without my shovel it's all part of the tattooing kit unfortunately I am pretty certain Cattleya yeah she's she's following me like a ghost she's haunting me she's like a painting where the eyes move oh god yeah all right I have a plan I have a really I think I have a good plan here there's my shovel all right excuse me just peep hours here with his tattoo gun and shovel normal [ __ ] I'd say okay so I think the problem was I didn't hit her hard enough so I have another idea in mind here Catalina hey it's good to see you I'm sorry about the last time but you really shouldn't have taken that selfie oh [ __ ] [ __ ] Catalina you title telling [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] Jesus detector again Catalina you [ __ ] yeah you should've never taken that selfie okay that should have been hard enough she'll forget as long as I escape okay if I Eve aided them Oh God there's three doors in here I'm not familiar with mansion layouts oh boy got him oh god there's another [ __ ] well it was worth a try alright I'll let her take the selfie this time yeah that sounds about right go straight now there's Catalina teleporting around the mansion again I'll beat you to the door Catalina that is Catalina Delgado yeah I met her just you have to open the door for me for her programming surprise Catalina oh god damn surprise all right excuse me mrs. Delgado peekaboo now son that was upsetting right I'm sorry Catalina I can't hear you through the door that you've slammed in my face [Music] okay I'm just gonna beat you to the the selfie spot if you don't mind Catalina alright Catalina can you stop messing around here alright Catalina please let's get on with this well what the [ __ ] where Catalina where what happened that I scared god damnit Catalina don't you touch that mom don't you touch told you not to touch that mom she was going for a weapon Catalina I saved your life sit down let's talk about this tattooing okay well you know I'm already Marty this far don't believe her did she forget who I was I don't have any tattoos it's not me it's not I have zero tattoos look at my arms I'm not the guy that you're looking for she's a liar shoot her shoot her she strangled the maid out don't believe her you're better than this Ricardo she is the liar Christ are you happy now yeah she's the one that had the tattoos Catalina I'm coming in I'll wait at the door this time for the the candy I won't trick-or-treat too early any Thanksgiving plans now nothing too big just dinner with the family Catalina Delgado I'm familiar with her [Music] I'm plugging loving this [ __ ] Johnny Oh Thank You Catalina mmm classic do you trust this guy I don't trust that guy today what's your opinion on Todd Howard you goddamn hero in 2045 they'll still be using the same engine and Todd Howard's robotic body will still be in charge using the same engine for every single games just take the selfie Catalina of course I'm already ready Catalina whoops ooh actually hold on I'm curious can I get a little glitch action here nope got Alina I seem to have fallen over the railing all right all right you made a good argument no I wanted to selfie this time Jesus Catalina are you impatient [ __ ] well alright well I'm sorry Catalina sorry to ruin your Graham smack her ass that should be an option now to leave your mark on mr. Delgado it's me don't know I already heard that part that's me yeah I'm a lot cooler thanks for vouching for me Catalina after I bludgeon you with the shovel and my fists must be a big fan am I getting it tattooed by P power yeah it's the next one I'm gonna get about to be my next set of tats let's [ __ ] do it can I I'd be so cool if I could actually draw something on him hey kill or start tattoo let's start that tattoo welcome aboard J Peter no Catalina I want you to watch this exactly like me we're not even friends Catalina our job this guy is a nice guy ordinarily you'd want as much security as possible here but he's just sending all them away for no reason tattoo blue apron slash official on his arm I'm gonna tattoo my twitch link on his neck that's what all the good streamers do guys a nice guy excuse me uh just gonna yeah that's a twitch dot TV sir a little smudge there slash moist critical yeah there we go that looks great great work Rico mmm now that's how we [ __ ] do it that's for not subbing to the channel Catalina I've got a present for you next I'm gonna save before I do this manoeuvre I'd hate to go through all of this again welcome aboard Muammar Momo raphe pardon me just go ahead and leave this here uh make sure Catalina knows that the this is here I'll be back later to finish the tattoo the piece Oh sports car keys oh submarine blueprints whole bunch a nice loot appreciate the gift sub meta let's overflow the sink get some guards in here and see what they think about me killing him but I'll be long gone oops hit the wrong button grab the laptop I don't think I could good eye yeah I can the wet bandit strikes again I'd like to drop down I'm really not that high this isn't like a tremendous fall or anything please let me drop down okay well fine looks like the only way out is through the front door excuse me boys I know I left you that early Christmas present here but it looks like I have to come this way as well my job here is done pardon me he loved the tattoo I thank you for inviting me to your home if you guys ever need a tattoo as well please let me know I'll see you boys later make sure to check out the new season on my TV show up peace out [ __ ] [ __ ] now one guy saw the body but didn't really seem to care all that much yeah look they're just looking at the body with no sense of urgency well then yeah they don't really seem to care do that hey guys thanks again oh wait there's another guy that I have to kill in here oh no he's underground he's underground yeah take it easy boys mom I'm done here I'm good all right close it behind me nope now you got it thought someone guavas extra I understand why it's extra because guac is a little bit more expensive so it makes sense and it's worth it I [ __ ] loved wok what's up boys I just killed the guy I'm a tattoo artist Nitin I'm PMP Powers I'm P [ __ ] powers what do you mean Neph IIIi don't believe you [ __ ] you guys suck my dick P Powers goes where Pete ours wants to go I'm just gonna wait here Jesus welcome aboard Sam EFV 17 that's always the easiest way of doing this save oh right right you haven't saved all right let's check out what other story missions we got here I don't need the backpacker I already did that one I don't care about that one killed killed killed the only one I can do is backpacker or half-baked bulgy backpacker did you get oh wait that's this P Powers is not gonna work on them don't worry guys turns out it was just the wind nice half-baked is great is it feel like this one's gonna be better this guy seems like a cooler character don't worry I'm hanging out chief they're investigating the distraction back at the mansion I guess they consider the death of their cartel boss a distraction instead of like an emergency appreciate the resub backing I'm [ __ ] enjoying the [ __ ] out of this game a drug dealer from Sapienza has been testing a new method for smuggling Delgado brand cocaine into Europe bake him a substance industry nice well that was easy I'm just gonna I don't want to turn that on oh I don't want to poison that they seemed like nice guys I'm gonna have to poison that it's a cool little souvenir where's the poison I need to go get it you guys have any poison in here bite you you know I have an idea I have a much more efficient idea and then I'll jump out and surprise them like a stripper and a cake that they didn't order he's gonna kill shaggy yeah I got to surprise no I wasn't enough okay well let's get the other one in here I still have the poison why am i doing that oh wait a minute uh oh I see what I'm supposed to do yikes they're supposed to deliver that [ __ ] to the guys oh I'm a [ __ ] idiot okay it's not too late let me go get that poison I know there's some over in this general area oh there's the guy down here kill this friend I hope he never finds out feel bad about that thanks for the rat poison man yeah shaggy died for absolutely nothing that's rough No I'm gonna turn this off now sincerely hoping that that nice guy does not find his friend's body in the closet shaggy died for the live-action scooby-doo movies I actually heard a rumor that the guy that played that character in the movies damaged his voice so much doing those movies that he can't act anymore cuz he doesn't sound right so now all he can do is sound like shaggy just a rumor though it could be wrong I'd like to buy some he sucked anyway I thought he was a nice guy actually when he was in uh without a paddle and [ __ ] do you sell all right that answers that thank you I thought I was that I could poison the radio do I have to subdue this guy what do you need help with I just want your glue do you think that the people who do my videos have a case of the mega ships once recording is over oh absolutely I'm gonna have the case of the mega peepees real quick I'll be right back yeah I know him oh did I miss like a thousand subs or anything I'm still caught up is this guy still not selling blue you got any glue on you there we go there's that glue well I rather bought it from him instead of knock him out but whatever boobs or butts it's a innocent way of asking tits or ass titties though disguise myself as the hippie no I mean the guy I didn't want to [ __ ] do this but I wasn't given much of a choice there we go and my wrench oh I saw up the cart yeah throw the cocaine yeah I should have busted the cocaine over his head melted his open with the wrong way melted his [ __ ] face no I went the right way didn't know no I don't know I think there's more than one way to get there yeah yeah there is is this the next season of narcos obviously won't mean this was the wrong way hope someone found his body already assassin assassinated these guards have you seen space dandy no no I have not huh I've got this super cocaine hey guys it's me I'm not having a seat in fact I'm going to meet him meet him halfway I'm gonna say if I just realized how far I was now am I gonna play sunset overdrive anytime soon probably not so what what do you want from me what what do you want from me you psychopath right behind you Stan Lee cameo no we've already seen Stan Lee this is not him what all right I'll wait hmm I've not ever heard of super dark times oh yeah that is an interesting way of holding the shotgun not bad it's more efficient that Oh not I don't know what that way is that ways ridiculous much better much better now that's how the US army does it just whenever I feel like hopping on who you Burris hey guys nice 1:47 and now for Franco to sample his handiwork hmm tell me how good that [ __ ] is I do plan on that I do plan on playing smash with the stream hope I was even looking at him do this how am I gonna know he's not cheating lying he might be an undercover agent let me see you do the entire line he didn't even take any hmm oh that's right I rat poison that didn't die I'll kill him with a cocaine brick I guess I'm gonna save here though just in case this is not the correct way of doing it he's good doing business with you he died doing what he loved and for that I respect him this man is a goddamn hero how is he still breathing something like an asthma attack as he's unconscious somebody help he's hits throats closing this man needs medical attention I'll break his leg to try and snap him back come on stay with us actually I want them to wake him up hold on let me put him somewhere where they can do that somebody wake him up CPR his ass he's overdosing turn around Jesus turn around wake him up I want him to see if he knows it was me I feel like wake something like yeah the best coke I've ever had it's not me Jesus it's not Jesus wake him the [ __ ] up that's the only reason I'm sticking around it'll work sometimes they'll wake them up other times they refuse there we go let's see if he remembers it was me does he know Hey are you ready to get back to work hey you passed out from the Cokie you ready to get back at it what do you mean do they know me do you remember me Hey all right mothers kill him I wish they had some unique dialogue for that [ __ ] welcome aboard malware bear that's a shame combo'd it's the closest exit oh here we go probably this one no wait that one's only 58 meters do I go this way for it yeah it sounds about right Lindsay's [Music] this must be what ties the militia and the cartel together 47 I could blow that [ __ ] up I think alright I'm just gonna go this way I don't know which way to leave why didn't you push him appreciate the 100 bacon actually I didn't even think to push him that did not even cross my mind I had a brick of cocaine and I knew how to use it what the [ __ ] how did you get your clothes back wait what hold on just a second here what type o witchcraft is this hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on I never killed Pete powers I only knocked him out so I'm not surprised to see him up but how did he get his clothes back they're still over here wait just a minute I've got to investigate oh yeah Pete powers can never go back to this area it should still be here yep there it is that yeah what the [ __ ] I wonder if he'll react to seeing his clone well I'm very disappointed that I oh did not predict something like this now this just makes no sense how can there be two P power running around we have P P powers now this is ridiculous it's just silly now how can anyone take this game seriously I really hope he reacts where's yappin there is Hey [Music] it's me it's you from the past do you not recognize me hold on this will jog your memory you remember that and then you used to go fetch it Oh God he already told on me I think he something in his mind it all clicked then he remembered I'm out holy [ __ ] I don't even know what I did wrong god damn Irie God did I save oh well I can kill him again I guess I don't know why anyone shot at me there you know what I did wrong it saved right before you met him Oh okay and then I'll use that oh yeah you're right it's right here I don't know why they don't shoot peepers I have no way of getting there [ __ ] all right well I think I can go through that door maybe hear one more though for the Instagram look at this 2 P powers out here PP powers the ultimate duo twins baby you can't go through any of that can't go Jesus what why what oh my god how big is this you'll have to catch me god damn this is such a big map huh all right actually I am going back I'll push him over and then go from there it's closer I would love to be on hot ones I'm actually gonna have to head out once I finish this mission I got the podcast to do and I'm real [ __ ] hungry somebody eat before it speed run I forgot which way did I go over there just the right way another stream later tonight maybe we'll see I haven't decided yet welcome aboard shop GFX something to make me stay a bit longer before podcasting at 7 I respect it I'll wait for the bus I'm just carrying a brick of cocaine I hope I hope I hope you boys on the bus don't mind I just got a big old brick of cocaine out yeah well I [ __ ] nailed that mission the entire map is there a podcast Gus yeah tonight's Quintin reviews next week is Eddie bird back next week after that is pyrocynical after that alpha rat after that raccoon eggs take it easy Z let's see how many points I got for this one damn a lot [ __ ] yeah welcome aboard its Looby yeah I did see that big hook I saw him destroy a Gamestop because he couldn't return fallout pretty wild [ __ ] a game so bad people are getting mad they can't get rid of it it's interesting all right well everyone I'm gonna go eat and I might stream again tonight not sure but thanks for tuning into everyone who donated a big thank you appreciate it to all the new subs welcome aboard and enjoy all those emotes the sub means a lot to me so thank you for subbing and yeah take it easy everyone see ya

Channel: Cr1TiKaL Full Streams - Random Videos

Views: 748,016

Keywords: Cr1TiKaL, penguinz0, youtube gaming, livestream, live stream, charlie, theofficialpodcast, kaya, kaya orsan, moist meter, jackson, andrew, huggbees, zealotonpc, critikal, cr1tikal, critical, cr1tikal livestream, Tiana, cr1tikals girlfriend, girlfriend, game, video game, stream, critikal livestream, critical livestream, streaming, Speedrun, critikal live stream, full stream, Fortnite, Full Streams, twitch, twitch stream, moistcr1tikal, cr1tical, the official podcast, big moist

Id: MPJR54iAhnw

Length: 212min 13sec (12733 seconds)

Published: Tue Nov 27 2018