I'm The Alpha Male Now

this is gonna sound really embarrassing but i actually looked up speed runs for this game just so i could get better at ruining kids days so i'm gonna be trying to implement those as well that's so sad i didn't do that okay what i tried to do right there is called the jump cancel see in this game you can actually cancel your momentum if you do it correctly which i'm clearly not [Music] how are the people so bad bro this is a mobile game for children like they are actually six what do you mean how are they so bad [Music] this is why i play it why don't you play fall guys instead because i don't get to stomp as hard in fall guys this is three rounds against four-year-olds so i what i got like 12 wins out of 15 games last time i played like you can't do that in fall guys and if i had the punch emote which i unfortunately would have to pay for i could be punching these kids into the side right there and ending their run on the spot but i'm not going to spend money on that as much as i want to i'm not going to i'd be so embarrassed some of them are over 12 this may be tough you're right i have i'm gonna jinx it i have never lost this one i have never once lost this usually the kids kill themselves instantly like they just immediately run into the laser it's like a moth attracted to a flame this is what gets them right there the doubles [Music] oh they did it well one guy didn't but most of them did [Music] hang in there kids ah [ __ ] what in tarnation another one oh don't mind if i do time for some bullying yeah i'm not even really playing stumble guys i just kind of come in here and ruin the game for the kids i'll gift you the equivalent amount of subs if you buy it i okay even off pure principle of me not wanting to spend money on [ __ ] stumble guys i am not giving this game my credit card information like this is like this the least s i would rather give it to a goddamn crackhead i'd have more trust in him than this game absolutely not oh wait that guy's actually using speedrun strats that was one of them from the video i watched wait that guy in the tuxedo he's using legitimate speedrun tax uh strats i i might not win [ __ ] i actually don't oh no i'm gonna qualify i don't know if i'll actually be able to squeak it out on him 16 of 16 there this lobbies this lobby might be pro is there skill based matchmaking [Music] no we're good oh that guy just punched somebody no eight of eight and the guy that punched us didn't make it [ __ ] you [ __ ] okay this one i'm just gonna be pushing people in i don't care about winning i like pushing people in here i don't need to win i just need to ruin someone's fun okay come here oh come here oh he's got the punchy mode [ __ ] [Music] [ __ ] okay all right different target different target that guy's that guy's gonna beat my ass move hold on oh stay right there gotcha no i need the punchy mo that sack of [ __ ] three people in here have the punch that son of a [ __ ] i feel so [ __ ] yucky god damn oh that sound is just the sound of my shame oh all right eight dollars right in the [ __ ] let's go oh yep we made it i just i just saw some other gyms pop up we did it [Music] let's go now the game truly begins i am going to be a menace i hope those kids had a good 10 minute break because it'll be the last peaceful moments of their lives oh jesus i just want to punch gotcha idiot tell me he fell off oh come here farmer come here oh my god i forgot that he's six all right let's let's play a little defense here oh my god come on please oh come on jesus christ man all right i got you now oh my god what the [ __ ] yeah oh i missed [Music] okay i missed again the [ __ ] leprechaun guy still can't do it jesus gotcha oh i can only use it like once there i really wish i was the last one to qualify and he didn't make it [Music] yeah oh i really thought i hit that punch now i'm not gonna qualify because of it [ __ ] this punch has been the worst thing for my win-loss ratio god damn it [Music] wow they are struggling he came and punched me [Music] god damn it fun [ __ ] gotcha yes yes you [ __ ] tell your parents gotcha yeah let's go who's next gotcha yes yeah the best eight dollars i've ever [ __ ] spent come back up here line i dare you come this way oh [ __ ] oh the lion's afraid of me not um i'm just gonna stay here do it do it idiot oh it's too high for me uh-oh lying i think we're [ __ ] i'm not gonna lie to you bro like the winning doesn't matter i don't think the children get mad when i win they get mad when i make them lose and that's what i need to strive for i already have like 50 crowns in like 55 games so it doesn't really matter i just need to make sure they're having a bad time [Music] i'm in [ __ ] that skeleton [Music] god that now that guy's punching air for sure skeleton didn't dive at the right time embarrassing okay here we go here we go alien perfect oh [ __ ] what are you doing what are you doing here [Music] what how lucky is this guy yep you son of a [ __ ] i want to punch him so bad come here god this is a bad one this is a bad one to be trying to punch on the kid's [ __ ] up i hit two people with that [Music] gotcha i almost yeah i got him i got him that's all this matters i almost killed myself for it though come here oh [ __ ] i'm gonna i am actually gonna kill myself going for these punches jesus christ yep gotcha [ __ ] idiot yeah i am bullying them right now so [ __ ] hard come here gotcha that guy's so [ __ ] mad hey complain about it at the lunch tables loser [Music] what kind of baloney what okay this is a good spot to go for punches gotcha back to the start who's next oh [ __ ] wait i might not qualify oh my god all right we're good floodgates open there at the end chicken didn't qualify i see him in the back no that guy had the same idea i did [Music] this is a really good map for punching because i can just send them flying i can actually find the path just by punching people onto it thanks farmer oh unfortunately that one wasn't right huh [Music] he's not gonna qualify oh no

Channel: penguinz0

Views: 1,879,474

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Id: iiE4rvK12uA

Length: 9min 40sec (580 seconds)

Published: Tue Jul 26 2022