Men Don't Cat Call Anymore - Comedian Daphnique Springs

endemic left me single yeah oh you gotta oh congratulations oh how many moms are you seven oh that's so beautiful look at that black love on juneteenth that's amazing yeah [Music] it's hurting some people pain so they clap for you though they like oh that's crazy pandemic left me single you know without a baby uh it's to the point now i missed cat calls me and don't can't call women anymore you guys have gotten really scary i don't appreciate it you know what i mean like remember back in the day y'all used to be like y'all don't do that [ __ ] no more y'all weak and i blame the pandemic because the world got way more sensitive so nowadays a man walking up to a woman saying hey beautiful can be borderline sexual harassment depending on the environment i remember pre-pandemic i walked past a group of guys and one of them ran up to me and he said hey mom can i get your number and i said no because i didn't know the pandemic was coming [Music] i thought i still had more days outside to reject more men so i was quite arrogant in my response i was like no you're trying to show up for your little friends and he was like yo you gonna regret this and two weeks into the pandemic he was right [Applause] i thought about that man for a whole year i was like oh [ __ ] what if he was a prophet what if i said no to jesus they said he was coming back single so i hang out with other single women i don't hang out with women in relationships at all because y'all don't give me compliments and i need that because you get compliments from your man so you're not gonna give it to the single [ __ ] in the crew i love that [ __ ] single [ __ ] will boost you up i came here right before i came here one of my single girls like oh [ __ ] you killing it in the summertime with your steve jobs turtleneck she's like the [ __ ] gonna love it i was like oh [ __ ] you think so yeah [ __ ] you look hot and cold at the same time i was like thank you oh you're so sweet like you sure you don't want to be together okay i'm single so my other single girlfriend she hit me with this new proposition she always coming up with a master plan she hit me with this new one she was like hey it's this new thing where you can manifest a man i was like well you don't believe in any you with a man right there damn she said all you have to do is write a list and the man in your dreams will come into your life it's that simple like that simple anybody here feel like they're with the person of their dreams [Applause] all right just just notice these are all the liars in the room and it's kind of [ __ ] up when you came with somebody you clap and they just look straight dead like they spirit left a body like [Applause] she had them two kids i'd be out of here you know what i mean like that type of energy only reason [ __ ] with my side [ __ ] cause it's father's day i'ma see her tomorrow she said it's that easy but i think it's some [ __ ] right but i'm also at the point in my life where i have nothing to lose so i was like what do we have to do she said first you have to write a list of what you want in a man i was like oh this is the most exciting part that's easy i want a man that's tall dark handsome with muscles and a good hairline and she was like oh [ __ ] you in your 30s that's asking for a lot [Applause] she said you had me till you said muscles and a good hair line she's like who are you looking for i was like i thought your list was magical she was like don't work like that i was like what do we have to do next she said next you have to write a list of what you need in a man i thought about it real hard i was like i need a man that's loving caring supportive financially stable and a family man and she was like oh that's a great list she said but you know this man don't look like that man [Applause] the man you need don't look like the man you want ladies so i was like your list is stupid why would you write to this that's dumb why would you why are you playing division i don't like division so i ripped it up i wrote one long list and like magic i ended up seeing this guy he was everything that i wanted but he was in the distance so he didn't see me so i'm just like hey he didn't look my way so i was like yo i gotta shoot my shot um i'm afraid to approach men don't like going up to men i will never do it it's just something my spirit just be like no [ __ ] what what happened my biggest fear is i go to a guy like hey he like hey [ __ ] and i was like oh [ __ ] what what happened so i don't go to me and um it's partly because of when i was younger because when i was 13 years old i was madly in love with this guy and i did everything to get his attention but he didn't love me the way i loved him so as an adult i went to therapy to process that rejection and the reason why he didn't love me the way i loved him is because he was my cousin don't look at me like that i'm from florida it's okay my therapist said whenever you tell this story say you from florida it's okay sometimes your first love is your cousin [Music] where are my florida people at hey we in here you know to me but i got my fear of rejection i went up to this guy and i said hey he said hey i was like are you single he said yes i was like okay this is going good i was like so what do you do he said i'm a personal trainer and i was like ooh bro bro bro broke broke that is not the man i belong with you know what i mean because i can't date a personal trainer um anybody here ever went to like personal training they do a lot of meal prepping that's where you take boiled chicken a chicken breast you drop it in hot water until it's fully cooked no seasoning you cut that up you eat that every day and i feel like i deserve a better lifestyle than that [Applause] so my girlfriend said see i told you go back to the list and i thought about all the men that i know in relationships like these two over here dressed alike how long you two been together it's a long time when you gotta look at each other you got to read her eyes like [Applause] ovary that's it y'all did all that for a year [Applause] she said dora colby okay them shirts say a 20-year relationship tops okay minimum how long you two been together oakland almost a year oh it's a lot of new couples a lot of little pandemic couples you too mary how long you two been together five years okay married five years one year one year okay boom and she let you talk that's pretty cool she let you answer cause five years [ __ ] you better not say [ __ ] oh god i want that now i want to be in a relationship with a loving caring supportive financially stable man that takes me out to comedy shows and [ __ ] and i realize in order for me to have that my lifestyle requires a man with body fat [Applause] [Music] so now i look at life different every time i see a man with a little stomach i'm like oh [ __ ] he got a good job [Applause] i get turned on by dad boss now cause every time i see a dad bod i know he eat i eat we eat [Applause] she said that's funny you wasn't [ __ ] with [ __ ] else just that okay glad i got your approval

Channel: Chocolate Sundaes Comedy

Views: 1,213,545

Keywords: chocolate sundaes comedy show, comedy show, comedy, laughs, hollywood, stand up, stand up comedy, chocolate sundaes, chocolate sundaes comedy, laugh, haha, funny, best comedy show, best comedy, daphnique springs, daphnique springs stand up, manifest, manifestation, dating, personal training, meal prep, comedian crowd work, laugh factory

Id: DkJCA89jByQ

Length: 9min 0sec (540 seconds)

Published: Wed Jul 06 2022