Katt Williams | Kattpacalypse | Full Standup Comedy Show

foreign [Applause] as far as retirements go this one has clearly hit rock bottom but now what a wonderful place to be and look at all of the beautiful people question is who in their right mind can come from three years [Applause] why you need more than you have done up in the mayor of Whoville Style luckily for me I always have a secret weapon [Applause] [Applause] my point please [Music] [Applause] God damn it look around [ __ ] ladies and gentlemen 2012 is upon us and [ __ ] [ __ ] ain't happy about it I gotta tell you why first of all how many people is happy that Barack Obama is the president of these United States of America I understand how that could be a divisive issue but America ain't about division God damn it stop unity and never have white people and black people been so United and disgusted at the same goddamn time as we are right now white people let me say this in front of [ __ ] we have had a black president for quite some time right now and we have not had an opportunity as [ __ ] to thank you white people for the fact that you have left our commander-in-chief a [ __ ] run this goddamn country we appreciate that you didn't kill him you let the [ __ ] show up to work we thank you very much white people understand that from [ __ ] now what you need to understand white people is we have been confused ever since the [ __ ] got elected we don't know what the [ __ ] is going on we working old faith white people understand when a [ __ ] takes office us [ __ ] we have a meeting to white people [Applause] as [ __ ] we had to meet we decided it was supported now as a [ __ ] it is hard for us to not talk [ __ ] about what a [ __ ] is doing on his goddamn job that's kind of our [ __ ] is to talk [ __ ] about what the [ __ ] you should be doing now because somehow swallowed on it and [ __ ] supported Obama every step of the goddamn way and in the beginning we was talking with base in our voice and use ingestions and stomping our feet and [ __ ] how long did it take you [ __ ] to run this country in the goddamn ground now you want this [ __ ] to do magic that was us eight months after the election that was us four months after that we had lost all the base and our boy switch it look we don't know what this [ __ ] is doing but he's trying okay you got to give this [ __ ] a chance we don't know what the [ __ ] you working with right now white people let me just tell you on behalf of [ __ ] nobody watches a presidential speech harder than [ __ ] we've been waiting on this [ __ ] to say anything that had something to do with us we [Applause] white people I've been so proud of y'all y'all have become [ __ ] in this recession the way I knew you could oh look at white people what do you mean became [ __ ] oh yes oh we all [ __ ] now you didn't know that you didn't hear about the 99 that's [ __ ] [Applause] not gonna be about race no more in 2012. it's bigger than that ain't about white and black no no ain't about that it's about you versus them versus us we versus them and [ __ ] they [ __ ] asses before we begin now understand this white people you cannot confuse the facts you only voted for this [ __ ] cause he was kind of a [ __ ] he was no pool fledged [ __ ] you weren't gonna put no whole [ __ ] in the goddamn White House and now you want to blame this [ __ ] for not doing niggasly [ __ ] he never gets angry he never raises his voice he's just not strong enough he won't you want him to be a [ __ ] I don't think he wanted to be a [ __ ] I don't I don't think you're ready to see Michelle Obama come to the news conference in flip-flops I don't think you're ready [Applause] white people you have to understand we all in this together as black people we didn't know what the [ __ ] was gonna happen all we knew was it was time for some [ __ ] to happen that's all we knew you have to forgive us in the fact that we voted for a [ __ ] to be a superhero and forgot to ask the [ __ ] could he fly people you need to understand how ready [ __ ] was the day after the election you'll never understand we was ready for anything that never could have said anything we was at the house in double Dutch mode that [ __ ] could have said anything [Music] Barack Obama could have came out the next day after the election and said I want all [ __ ] to go outside and clean up trash and it had been gangbangers all over Inglewood [Applause] I don't think you want to drop that right there today my [ __ ] you understand what I'm saying [Applause] we don't know what the [ __ ] going on we just waiting on Obama to give us our word we'd have been waiting so long that [ __ ] could give us anything right now that [ __ ] could give [ __ ] free small fries every 14th Thursday and that would be good enough [Applause] for white people what we ain't gonna let you do talk about this [ __ ] like he ain't a child of God this [ __ ] been out there doing this goddamn job I'll tell you one thing I do seem to remember that for eight years we couldn't find the same one goddamn terrorist we was looking for I said one goddamn terrorist that we were looking for I said one goddamn terrorists that we was looking for and my goddamn president done killed every goddamn Terrace that ever got them live you can say what you owe yes indeed I'm not saying if you put a [ __ ] in the white house he won't [ __ ] up the credit of the country but if you want some terrorists you get yourself a [ __ ] Barack Obama didn't have to send in the Army and the Navy and the Coast Guard Barack Obama sent three [ __ ] in killed every terrorist just one to shoot him and threw the polls [Applause] the land of the free [ __ ] I thought President Bush said that Osama Bin Laden was the axis was the axis of Evil I thought he said he wants to be eligible himself for my Spanish friends shaitan El Diablo not my [ __ ] president my president found that [ __ ] in an unfurnished one-bedroom apartment with two goddamn mattresses no backboard one [ __ ] no phone no gun three laptops and a smartphone it's some drug dealers in there tonight got that in the Escalade no no you don't want to [ __ ] with America baby all the terrorists gone where the [ __ ] is Saddam Hussein oh he was a dictator for 40 years and they pulled that [ __ ] out of a eight foot hole with a Twinkie a ding dong and a King James version of the Continental Bible that didn't came out the hole looking like me with no perm in a mug shot [Applause] you better believe it the dude said you're ugly yeah you're supposed to think that fact I don't do this [ __ ] for what men think we're all men we all think like man but I'll tell you one thing if you want to know something that'll sustain you let me show you a little secret as to what gives me the strength to say [ __ ] Satan right in his [ __ ] face ladies would you make some [ __ ] noise one time wow sweet baby Jesus yes fellas 2012 if you got you a girl time to stop [ __ ] around 2012. it's a goddamn fourth quarter whatever decision you [ __ ] made is done now Now ladies that don't apply to y'all I understand some of y'all might be in here with a stepping stone [ __ ] you know somebody to get you through till you see yourself [Applause] nothing wrong with that [Applause] but 2012 has come and they got some surprises for us and you're gonna have to make sure you got something in your life that belong to you some [ __ ] that give a [ __ ] about you what I'm saying fellas have you got a woman that's special in your life put the games on hold for a second and [ __ ] this [ __ ] like you need her in your goddamn life smoking like you need her in your goddamn life in case the world come to an end on 2012. Now ladies ladies we need y'all come on back home I understand some of you ladies though God beside yourself we didn't say [ __ ] we saw it happening we didn't say [ __ ] we saw y'all going off to the little freaking nasty little dirty little sneaky freaky little nasty story we saw you're purchasing yourself items for 24 29 39.95 and we know you got yourself a rabbit and a bullet and a bullet with a rabbit there ain't nothing wrong with it ladies but time to bring your ass back home for 2012. some of y'all don't [ __ ] your whole clitoris up [ __ ] round look at the ladies what [Applause] some of you ladies have [ __ ] your entire vagina up being greedy [Applause] just because you have something that can hit your spot every time [ __ ] does not mean you got to hit that [ __ ] 136 times On Target [Applause] [ __ ] your whole goddamn clitoris up that's fellas we remember your clitoris the way it used to be remember when that [ __ ] was so shy it wouldn't even come out the hood yeah had to get down there and talk sweet to it and said you just come on out of there I see you in there now you to hit that [ __ ] so many times that [ __ ] is all outside of your clitoris just outside of the camel toe pushing the labia badge Mitchell clitoris is scaring my penis you can't even [Applause] my only point is it's time to get your [ __ ] together it don't matter if what you got in your life is [ __ ] up that's what the [ __ ] you got 2012 coming and they not gonna tell us the [ __ ] we need to know that's why we all got to work together white people we need y'all to remember that y'all were here with us you love Mexicans and [ __ ] and don't act like you don't look at him on the spot [Applause] I certainly do [Applause] white people this is going to be important 2012 is coming they saying it's gonna be the end of the world and white people we know how y'all do when y'all get some goddamn information don't nobody know white people don't never leave they just disappeared [Applause] [ __ ] we gotta be careful in 2012 they're trying to [ __ ] us over as black people we never leave on time broke people we never leave as World folks we always got too much [ __ ] too many ends to put together not rich people rich people get they [ __ ] find out something's [ __ ] up and they leave and I speak for [ __ ] and [ __ ] ain't got nowhere to goddamn go white people if the terrorist strike everybody from Ireland can go right back to Ireland everybody from England go right back Drake and 100 Canadians all the way hey did she win what about [ __ ] we gotta go to our Grandmama house and figure out how many minivans we even got in the family it's coming down 2012. white people we gonna need you to tell us what the [ __ ] is going on they ain't gonna tell us on BET about the end of the goddamn world just understand what I'm saying the video is still gonna be playing they're not even gonna put [ __ ] down at the bottom [ __ ] look outside the world is ending nothing [Applause] every time I see my president it looked to me like they done told that [ __ ] some [ __ ] he can't [ __ ] tell us [Applause] every time you see Obama he look like that [Applause] understand we already killed all the terrorists ain't no [ __ ] more please tell me you saw what happened to Muammar Gaddafi that [ __ ] was the president of his country and thanks to Facebook they gave this they get this [ __ ] beating [ __ ] wasn't even familiar with it's hard to impress [ __ ] with getting your ass whooped as [ __ ] we've seen it gone all kinds of ways never in the history of [ __ ] have we ever seen a [ __ ] get his ass whooped all the way to an execution you beat this nigga's ass to kill it you could have just killed him y'all sorry sons of [ __ ] you and CNN ain't [ __ ] CNN said they wasn't gonna show it while they were showing it in slow motion and put subtitles under this [ __ ] so you can understand what he was saying clearly not that you're killing me I am the President [Applause] they beat that [ __ ] like comrade Murray out of Michael Jackson concert uh 2012 Is For Real they said the Mayans was talking about 2012. then they said the Mayans disappeared I'm here to tell my people it's time to stop believing [ __ ] just cause a [ __ ] telling you [ __ ] with a straight look on their face we too old we too smart we too [ __ ] good to believe [ __ ] don't make no [ __ ] sense you're too old to be believing in evolution with your stupid [ __ ] ass Evolution say people came from monkeys and the question is why is there still monkeys you dumb [ __ ] you is these are [ __ ] monkeys they didn't turn into people just yet get your stupid ass the [ __ ] out of here Philippines 2012. hey you better believe something oh nobody give a [ __ ] what you believe you better believe something if there's any atheists in the house let me say you stupid [ __ ] I don't care what God you believe in you gotta be a special kind of [ __ ] to be too stupid to make up a God if there wasn't one who do you even pray to nobody even when you're [ __ ] why do you [ __ ] you can't even come what do you say when you come atheists oh oh nothing that's right because that's what you believe in you Kenny 2012 coming we already ready been ready I don't care what you believe in believe in something white people let me tell you this every time you see a [ __ ] that does not mean that [ __ ] has been endorsed by other [ __ ] white people let me stand here in front of all these [ __ ] and say publicly we were so [ __ ] embarrassed when Herman black geminated a cricket ass Kane came after God damn woodworking white people do you see us look at [ __ ] we we had no idea why people we had no [Applause] and some white people look at me like what are you talking about them [ __ ] people no no we didn't clear that [ __ ] did not clear this white paper stick and nobody know this [ __ ] this [ __ ] white people let me say when [ __ ] found out what this nigga's qualifications was for running the country when we found out this [ __ ] sold Pizza [Applause] let me use your word white people we were flabbergasted The Audacity Of This snitch go get your good pizza selling [ __ ] somewhere Herman [ __ ] that had a hard enough time trying to God damn stick up for Barack here come Herman Cain's stupid ass [ __ ] you can't be no goddamn president [ __ ] your name is Herman Cain that's two reasons you can't be president [ __ ] your first name is Herman now you can't be president of your name is Herman [ __ ] say it three times Herman Herman Herman listen to that we already had a famous Herman he was a monster [ __ ] you can't be no goddamn president and that you sold some goddamn Pizza the whole you didn't sell it to [ __ ] white people we never heard the goddamn Godfather's Pizza let alone have a slice I knew they ain't been beating Dominoes Dominoes been beating the dog [ __ ] out of that goddamn pizza place he can't even beat Little Caesars and Little Caesars ain't even everywhere he sure ain't gonna be Papa John that motherfucker's own crack or something he he want to make the pizza deliver the pizza eat the pizza be in the commercial Papa John's we ain't gonna be able to beat him Herman your last name is Kane [ __ ] you killed Abel [ __ ] if you don't get the [ __ ] up out of here [ __ ] it up for [ __ ] [Applause] white people want Barack Obama out of office so goddamn bad oh you should hear that [ __ ] on talk radio oh they hate this [ __ ] if they can say the word [ __ ] oh they they say every oh they hate this [ __ ] oh oh God damn he's [ __ ] [ __ ] up the goddamn country is what he's done goddamn entitlement foreign understand it's going to be 2012. the Mayans wasn't [ __ ] the Mayans said it was some [ __ ] out there and then suddenly the Mayans disappeared now they tell us the Mayans disappeared because they can't find none of their [ __ ] bones but let me remind you that you can go to any [ __ ] Museum anywhere in the world and they got a whole 62 foot dinosaur from his nose all the way to his nutsack and his toes five billion goddamn years ago [Applause] I love company used to be an American called NASA standing for the National Air space exploration take my word for it [ __ ] there's stood for going up there white people that is not what it stood for at all [Applause] that would be n-e-a-s-a we don't know the matter is NASA used to report to us let us know what the [ __ ] they was doing and for 40 years they spent 500 million dollars a year sending space shuttles up bringing them back down and they used to let us see them when they took off and then when they blanded we'd be right there and we say show us what you got then they started doing sneaky [ __ ] taking off the space shuttles at three o'clock in the goddamn morning and [ __ ] Landing them in the middle of the night and if ain't nobody looking they just walk off [Music] [Applause] and now on CNN they say they just discovered 16 new super Earths 16 new super herbs now let me speak for all [ __ ] when I say what the [ __ ] he's a goddamn super Earth we thought this [ __ ] was super the whole goddamn time [Applause] look at [ __ ] I don't believe none of this [ __ ] it's true [ __ ] they had it on CNN the same goddamn day I was on CNN how the [ __ ] they put the [ __ ] right up under me blew a nigga's whole High just 16 new supers [Applause] they planning on leaving us people [Applause] please remember where you heard it first right at the cusp of 2012. they got space shuttles lined up with GPS navigation All-Star [Applause] cause remember when I told you the 99 them was [ __ ] and we're the original [ __ ] rich people is tired of going on vacation seeing [ __ ] [Applause] rich people make a hundred million dollars can't escape [ __ ] make a hundred million dollars go to Africa for a safari and all they want to see is some animals [ __ ] everywhere [Applause] it was a [ __ ] that led us to the giraffe ain't that a [ __ ] look on your map when you get home look at everywhere that [ __ ] are sure they broke oh they're hungry every last one of them [ __ ] live right up under a palm tree on the Sandy Beach go ahead try to take your dumb ass to Jamaica and not see [ __ ] gone the whole Bahamas gone over there turfs and Caicos see how many [ __ ] you see going to hate it [ __ ] [ __ ] everywhere just [ __ ] thrown on the street just [Applause] stomach's growling perfectly tanned [Applause] better believe something this [ __ ] finna come to a [ __ ] end you better have Something to Believe In if you're a Christian make some [ __ ] noise in the house if you're a Christian oh yes yes y'all supposed to be the most excited oh oh as long as Jordan had it all figured out oh Christians won't be walking right up to 2012. [Applause] fact automatic is some people been lying on Jesus and he's gonna come back you're gonna be able to lie to him when you're looking at you all right all that [ __ ] you were talking about Jesus giving a [ __ ] about your building and fun [Applause] I bet Jesus don't know nothing about your rules like they don't even know that they don't even know you better hope we don't come back cause somebody been [ __ ] everybody ain't been telling the truth see all these [ __ ] be talking about the end of the world because they don't want that [ __ ] to come because they know they [ __ ] gonna be front and center look at the Roman Catholic Church that's the first church that ever was beautiful [ __ ] they got some of the best Church you ever [ __ ] saw even [ __ ] stop and watch it when they come on TV just when you see this [Music] [Applause] [Music] that's a flash [Music] could we be taking if the wire came in right after them [ __ ] Jesus coming back [Music] then we find out the Priestess [ __ ] little boys in the compassion oh Jesus is not on behalf about that you better tell some of them nuns or start giving out some [ __ ] or something cause you don't have to even that up for Jesus get back here's not let me say if you try to look for a gun you ain't got one worse than Christianity let me tell you if you ain't got nobody to worship you could go for Jesus Jesus has been kicking ass for a long time Jesus that is he is something else first of all I'm saying you don't never even see a picture of Jesus out of focus every time you see Jesus he's right looking at the cameraman his Rose is clean his perm is straight cutting a bob got a nice beer and let you know he ain't no [ __ ] ain't nothing to be [ __ ] around with [Applause] Gotta Have Something to Believe In ain't a lot of Jesus is out there some of these religions got terrible gods I love the Buddhist people they don't believe in nothing but peace and love but uh it's gonna be hard for you to get uh [ __ ] to serve your God if he ain't been tending to the South correctly you I don't know if y'all seen Buddha before but Nichols that's not gonna be able to serve him I he has an obesity problem Nexus Jesus would have healed that already and he wouldn't even come out here with no damn shirt on and some Pampers and she had time now Jesus was probably somewhere with a shake weight right now getting ready to kick Satan's ass can't be serving no Buddha that [ __ ] look like Rick Ross in the peripheral you get to heaven I think a big meets Jesus [Applause] can't serve the Hindu god Hindu god that's too confusing for [ __ ] Hindu god is a woman and she green and she got eight arms and stand like this [Applause] no we might want to [ __ ] that [ __ ] once but we're not gonna be gotta have something to believe God believe in something if they try to make everything a god you can't play with God like that [ __ ] don't want everything to be a god you can't have no corn God [ __ ] there's the god of the wind and the no hold on no it's the porn God ain't no goddamn corn God missed Indian this is the god of the Corn no it's not because what is that in my feces is that now be careful I heard Mitt Romney was a Mormon and I didn't know [ __ ] about the Mormons and I looked up the book and found out they have multiple wives I hurry up close the book got some Pimp [ __ ] take that we might need that that's might work out right there we'll get that give that some prayerful consideration there you know it's going to be 2012 it's about what you believe in gotta find you something to believe it's about the three odds about religion relationship arithmetic [Applause] look at white people that is not how it's spelled we're all getting crazy if you believe in the Bible understand got to be careful I did all of this [ __ ] I was trying to find whatever religion was going to help me I even tried Rastafarian and let me tell you they had my attention let me tell you they these [ __ ] say we believe everything Christians believe we just believe the higher you get the closer you are to God well I think I'd like to try that [ __ ] so high trying to look at Jesus window and [ __ ] [Applause] everybody wants you to believe some [ __ ] find you something to believe in get you some people that give a [ __ ] about you get your team together the [ __ ] don't hit the fan the Bible say first shall be last I don't know but speaking for [ __ ] we have been the first at last yeah for a long time I don't think you're ever gonna be able to meet us at that you ain't gonna be able to outlast [ __ ] we've been last gay people want to be [ __ ] they want to say as civil rights no no because as a gay person you can be gay you just it's about what kind of person you are gay as a [ __ ] we was treated like animals first then they let us put on clothes then they let us get in the NBA [Applause] [Music] we got to prove something for ourselves for Generations like when I'm talking to Mexicans I'm talking to Mexicans like they're really [ __ ] because as far as we know they the closest to [ __ ] we ever saw in this goddamn country we thought they was our [ __ ] we was proud that they had a country and decided to come over here in the [ __ ] way we thought that was some American [ __ ] see you got a lot of politicians to tell you we need to keep some people out ain't no [ __ ] people to keep the [ __ ] out we need everybody that's right to [ __ ] here see what you don't understand is when you watch the news you see all of these people talking [ __ ] about America understand they talking [ __ ] about America from their little dusty ass piece of [ __ ] ass country with no goddamn air conditioning and no way to get a Mountain Dew and a Snicker bar I'm not [ __ ] want to say we should all be equal [ __ ] equal to what we are better than you [Applause] don't be shame to [ __ ] say it we're better than they are we work harder we try harder nothing beats us we have kicked this recession so [ __ ] hard first of all [ __ ] let me say we didn't even know it was a recession until they gave it a word this is the [ __ ] [ __ ] was doing the whole time like people welcome aboard welcome aboard get yourself some top ramen make yourself comfortable this is beautiful American about what the [ __ ] happens to you America is about what the [ __ ] you do when this [ __ ] happens to you so now I have to come back and tell my people they've been to [ __ ] us when you go home into your 2012 understand they already have concentration camps in the United States of [ __ ] America that they've been building for four years now and the question is who in the [ __ ] is using to put in that we already got a prison and that [ __ ] is so packed [Applause] because at the end of the day it's all [ __ ] it's all [ __ ] white people Conrad Murray got four years and ain't gonna do but two of them and [ __ ] looking at it like he got what he deserved how the [ __ ] do you figure he got what the [ __ ] he deserves you can murder a billionaire and get two and a half years and probation these [ __ ] had me on six years of probation for a blunt I hadn't met yet understand the [ __ ] is hitting the fan God damn it they gave Conrad Murray's [ __ ] ass less than four goddamn years understand white people that once was a man named plexico Burris now this [ __ ] shot himself in the goddamn leg understand that this [ __ ] assaulted himself he didn't snitch on himself didn't turn himself in file charges against himself three whole years penitentiary shoot yourself and I know some of y'all looking at me like you're not fender talking about Mike a lot yes I am first of all let me start off by saying with all the Michael Jackson fans please make some noise in the building this evening I don't apologize often this is not a time for me to start [Applause] but when I was talking I was talking about somebody live and the fact of the matter is we watch this [ __ ] get murdered right in front of our own [ __ ] face and the [ __ ] knew it was going to happen he told us and we didn't know [ __ ] named his last poor this is it [Applause] white people let me just tell you a little [ __ ] secret if I could [ __ ] have never said this is it in a celebratory fashion let me just say white people do it all the time this is that not [ __ ] every time we say it we saying it like this you know what [ __ ] this is it [Applause] you straight up killed that [ __ ] killed him and gave us the most [ __ ] story we ever heard our entire life first they told us this [ __ ] was a drug addict then we find out this nigga's drug was sleep [Applause] are you telling me this [ __ ] got hiding went to sleep yeah that's no drug addict something's about here this story don't go together I understand why people know story ends with coma but certainly no story starts with coal they started this [ __ ] starting off with Coleman said a [ __ ] I don't know how he would sleep I'm sure he don't sleep regularly but I'm sure he was [Applause] I don't know how he would sleep but I knew he slept fancy [Applause] the next story is this [ __ ] was sleep in a coma didn't they say he wakes up out of his coma Now understand [ __ ] the whole thing about a Karma supposed to be you can't get the [ __ ] up from what I'll come back to that part later [Applause] about the corner Conrad Conrad where are you Conrad Tito someone come here this is where the story gets [ __ ] up then they say ain't nobody there so they say he grabs the proposal and in Texas [ __ ] self and goes back into a poem [Music] [Applause] are you telling me that a [ __ ] would pay somebody 150 000 a month to do some [ __ ] he could wake up out of a coma and do for himself you can kiss my [ __ ] ass that's like me paying a [ __ ] to suck my dick after the show and paying her girlfriend to swallow [Applause] white people it was a setup we knew it as soon as we saw Conrad Murray because there couldn't have been no [ __ ] to kill Michael Jackson but it certainly couldn't have been no white doctor oh [Applause] if a white doctor hadn't killed Michael Jackson it had been 600 000 [ __ ] in moonwalking socks the next day rioting and dancing at the same time [Applause] they got that piece of [ __ ] ass Conrad murder that [ __ ] that's what a snake looked like in case you want to know what a [ __ ] demon looked like in person look at Conrad Murray's [ __ ] ass that [ __ ] was on trial anytime a [ __ ] can't crack white people understand [ __ ] either cry one or two ways not at all all the way [Applause] Conrad Murray was on trial for 14 weeks trying to get one test out his lying ass eyes [Applause] [ __ ] ass [ __ ] the Bible say don't believe no [ __ ] that can't say truth this [ __ ] all on TV I'm going to tell the truth [Applause] [Music] I'm going to tell the truth I have faith then that [ __ ] have this trial and he embarrassed every [ __ ] in the world right in the middle of the Conrad murder trial we thought he couldn't get no [ __ ] worse this [ __ ] bring out as a witness the oldest living slave we have ever seen please tell me you saw that old [ __ ] [Applause] that [ __ ] was 136 goddamn years old it took her so long to get to the stand that you knew this [ __ ] was gonna tell the truth [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] this [ __ ] was 136 and her wings was brand new have their pants still in that [ __ ] her slave [ __ ] ass this [ __ ] snuck on the sand how do you sit like a slave she just [Applause] ask her something excuse me dude [Applause] [ __ ] judge access Conrad Murray greeted and this old the crappy [ __ ] act like greedy was the worst insult she had ever heard and I've got that greeted [ __ ] [Applause] that was the only problem with Michael Jackson his fans was too goddamn nice ass Michael Jackson fans letting Conrad Murray's punk ass go to court every goddamn day with no security that's why you got to have some ghetto fans you ain't gonna be able to just kill me [ __ ] and go to court like everything is okay it's gonna be a [ __ ] to hit you with a brick every time you show up Dakota I'm here [Applause] five minutes [Applause] [Music] [Applause] all right let me um let me let me just let me just take this time to say that um [ __ ] okay look just cut this real quick so I can tell y'all something cut okay no no [ __ ] I don't know each of y'all personally but I always feel a little more comfortable when I'm up here and the people is out here because at the end of the day I really was never tall even when I started I never was really special to [ __ ] look at but when I came to La [ __ ] acted like they understood where the [ __ ] I was coming from and allowed a [ __ ] to be that [Applause] so when I retired there was a lot of things going on and I didn't want to come back and tell y'all what the [ __ ] it was because I wanted y'all to be proud of me for some [ __ ] even if I was [ __ ] it up but then they started arresting a [ __ ] so much [Applause] understand you can only get arrested maybe six times before it ain't fun no more I just want you to understand that if you go to TMZ you will see the fact that I've been arrested 14 times in four to six months what I want you to understand is you have never ever in your life seen me standing in a courthouse now put them two things together Satan ain't [ __ ] everything he trying to do he loses at cause he ain't [ __ ] his people ain't [ __ ] nothing he likes his [ __ ] all his people is ugly they all stank they was worse off before the recession during the recession after the recession he ain't [ __ ] and so understand that even if they was gonna kill me for the [ __ ] I got to say I don't know why I'm still here in the first [ __ ] place what I do know is I've been waiting my whole life for 2012. I've been waiting my whole life to think that the end of the goddamn world was meant to come so now [ __ ] let's say it don't come can we agree to at least act like this gonna be our last time on this [ __ ] so we can do it right one damn time what I'm telling you is [ __ ] [ __ ] is done I know what you've been saying I know what you've been looking at I know you think Tyler Perry must have 46 more props dressing drag queen movies left in him [Applause] I'm not homophone I have nothing against gay women at all power to the Lesbian Nation may we all eat [ __ ] this evening if it's feasible but it's time for people to stand up for what the [ __ ] they are everybody can't be ashamed to tell the goddamn truth it can't be everybody that won't say what the [ __ ] they meant to say as soon as they get the opportunity Christian people it's the same for y'all if y'all so holy it's time to get [ __ ] holy if you believe in some [ __ ] make sure you got some right [ __ ] because I'm trying to tell you everybody can't be right I say [ __ ] Bishop Eddie Long and everybody who ever went to his goddamn church is what I say [ __ ] the choir the choir director the people in the choir the [ __ ] on drums [ __ ] them in the parking lot not because I'm homophobic because I don't think you can preach the gospel with booty on your breath I just don't think you can I'm not saying you can't I don't think you can it's not my fault when I was eight years old they told me a bunch of stories that didn't make no sense they put me down and sat me right in front of the Bible and told me a story about Sodom and Gomorrah they told me it was two cities in the Bible where men lay with men then they said the next day God burnt the whole goddamn two cities to the ground end of the goddamn story now I don't know what you get out of that store told my brother I don't I don't three [ __ ] they just said we was gonna burn down our bunk beds if you get in this goddamn bed [Applause] so that's what the [ __ ] they told me I just didn't know hey some of you [ __ ] watching right is it two or is it one let me know it's two [Music] let me ask the white people what white people what time is it please [Applause] this time all right put it on God damn it let's see it hey where are my people at ladies and gentlemen no matter what we are here at the custom of 2012. God damn it it's been to come hey where my people at okay hold on [Applause] thank you cheers [Music] cheers it's really good to see the people who yeah a shot was not given to be able to stand on a grand stage [Music] for the show My Hope Is that there is somebody that's

Channel: Relentless Media

Views: 1,541,393

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Id: LBQCnjoKYms

Length: 56min 49sec (3409 seconds)

Published: Wed Sep 06 2023