Meanwhile... How Lil Uzi Vert Lost His Diamond Implant

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Son como tribbles.

👍︎︎ 2 👤︎︎ u/[deleted] 📅︎︎ Sep 10 2021 🗫︎ replies

Bueno gracias a National Geographic, pense que los capybaras solo existian en las junglas del amazonas y eran como conejitos ajaja.

👍︎︎ 1 👤︎︎ u/Lazorra_Azul 📅︎︎ Sep 10 2021 🗫︎ replies
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♪♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! WELCOME BACK! THAT'S JON BATISTE AND "STAY HUMAN" RIGHT THERE! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪ >> Jon: WHOO! WOO-HOO! >> Stephen: HEY! HELLO, JON. HELLO, EVERYBODY OVER THERE. MY GOODNESS. MY GOODNESS. JON, VERY EXCITED. SARA PAULSON IS ON HERE TONIGHT. >> Jon: YEAH. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: AWARD-WINNING, BRILLIANT, KNOCK-DOWN, DRAG-OUT BRILLIANT ACTRESS IS HERE AND ONE OF MY FAVORITE ARTISTS, KACEY MUSGRAVES, IS HERE TONIGHT, HAS A NEW DOCUMENTARY AND A NEW ALBUM. I CAN'T WAIT TO TALK TO HER. BUT IN THE MEANTIME, YOU KNOW, FOLKS, I SPEND A LOT OF TIME CRAFTING FOR YOU A BESPOKE PLAYLIST OF THE DAY'S BIGGEST STORIES, METICULOUSLY SELECTING THE MOST TOPICAL CHAKRA-AFFIRMING SCENTED CANDLES, AND USING FENG SHUI TO PERFECTLY ALIGN THE JOKE ENERGY IN THE EXCLUSIVE BOUTIQUE YOGA RETREAT THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE. BUT SOMETIMES, SOMETIMES, FOLKS, I GO TO THE DUMPSTER BEHIND THE WAFFLE HOUSE AT 3:00 IN THE MORNING, TAKE OFF MY SHIRT, COVER MYSELF IN USED FRY OIL, WRAP MY HANDS IN SOME OLD DUCT TAPE I STOLE FROM A BROKEN CAR WINDOW, THEN POUND A SIX-PACK OF BLUEBERRY HARD SELTZER AND A SACK OF PILLS I STOLE FROM A PARKED AMBULANCE, THEN ARM-WRESTLE A RACCOON IN THE BACK ALLEY VISION QUEST OF NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT: "MEANWHILE!" ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) MEANWHILE, YOU MAY RECALL THAT EARLIER THIS YEAR, RAPPER LIL UZI VERT GOT A NEARLY 11-CARAT DIAMOND PIERCED INTO HIS FOREHEAD "WORTH $24 MILLION." OF COURSE, THE FOREHEAD IS A DELICATE AREA, SO THE DIAMOND WAS IMPLANTED THROUGH A COMPLICATED MEDICAL PROCEDURE KNOWN AS "HEAD-BUTTING A TROLL DOLL'S BELLY BUTTON." WELL, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE THIS, BUT IT MAY HAVE BEEN A BAD IDEA, BECAUSE LIL UZI VERT SAYS HIS FOREHEAD DIAMOND GOT RIPPED OUT BY FANS. I'M GOING TO GO OUT ON A LIMB AND SAY: ONCE SOMEONE HAS TORN A PRECIOUS GEM OUT OF YOUR FACE, THEY NO LONGER COUNT AS A "FAN." "SORRY I'M LATE, THIS GUY ON THE SUBWAY PUNCHED ME IN THE EAR AND STOLE MY WALLET. WHAT CAN I SAY? PEOPLE LOVE MY WORK!" ( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE, CAPYBARAS ARE WAGING CLASS WAR IN ARGENTINA. THESE GIANT RODENTS ARE WAGING CLASS WAR. KARL MARX PREDICTED IT: "THE RULING CLASS MAY OWN THE MEANS OF PRODUCTION, BUT THE PROLETARIAT OWNS THE GIANT PIG RATS! ATTACK, MY PRETTIES! ATTACK!" ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) KIND OF CUTE. >> KIND OF CUTE. AND THIS IS NO MINOR INVASION. THIS IS A LOT OF RODENTS. GIANT RODENTS. LOOK AT THOSE FLUFFY CRITTERS MARAUDING. THIS IS THE CUTEST, MOST TERRIFYING ANIMAL INVASION SINCE THE HITCHCOCK CLASSIC, "DIAL 'M' FOR MARMOT." ( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE, TO CELEBRATE THOSE AFFLICTED WITH HAIR LOSS, THE FIRST EVER BALD FEST IS DUE TO TAKE PLACE IN NEW YORK CITY. WELL, THAT'S NICE. THAT'S LOVELY. BUT TO BE CLEAR-- THERE'S ALREADY A BALD FEST. IT'S CALLED "THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS" CAST PARTY. ( LAUGHTER ) WHEN WE COME BACK, AMERICA GETS A MESSAGE FROM A TREASURED CHILDHOOD FRIEND. STICK AROUND. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪
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Channel: The Late Show with Stephen Colbert
Views: 697,399
Rating: 4.9278507 out of 5
Keywords: The Late Show, Late Show, Stephen Colbert, Steven Colbert, Colbert, celebrity, celeb, celebrities, late night, talk show, comedian, comedy, CBS, joke, jokes, funny, funny video, funny videos, humor, hollywood, famous
Id: 4ktyaJkLMfo
Channel Id: undefined
Length: 3min 48sec (228 seconds)
Published: Fri Sep 10 2021
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