Meanwhile... Is This Man A Bigger "Lord of the Rings" Fan Than Stephen Colbert?

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Living his best life!

👍︎︎ 5 👤︎︎ u/swazal 📅︎︎ Sep 17 2021 🗫︎ replies
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( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪ >> Stephen: JON BATISTE AND "STAY HUMAN," EVERYBODY! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪ >> Jon: YEAH, YEAH! >> Stephen: JON, LOOK WHAT WE'VE GOT COMING UP HERE. WHO I'M TALKING TO IN JUST A MINUTE IS I HAVE THE WONDERFUL, TALENTED, EMMY NOMINATED OSCAR WINNER MELISSA MCCARTHY IS GOING TO BE HERE TONIGHT. EVERYBODY LOVES HER IN A VERY SPECIAL WAY. SHE'S HERE IN A WAY WE'VE NEVER INTERVIEWED A GUEST BEFORE. STICK AROUND, YOU WILL WANT TO SEE THAT. JON, YOU'RE GOING TO THE EMMYS, RIGHT? >> Jon: YES, I'M GOING OUT THERE. >> Stephen: I'M GOING TO BE OUT THERE. DO YOU WANT TO HANG AT ALL? YOU CAN'T BRING A DATE BECAUSE OF COVID. NOT EVEN ALL THE NOMINEES CAN GO. EVIE CAN'T COME EVEN THOUGH SHE'S TECHNICALLY MY CO-HOST. >> Jon: OH, MAN. >> Stephen: SAD STORY. I LIKE TO BRING THE AUDIENCE DOWN IN THE MIDDLE. THAT'S MY GOAL, JUST TO BUM EVERYBODY OUT. >> Jon: WE'LL HANG OUT. >> Stephen: WE'LL HANG OUT? >> Jon: YEAH, FOR OLD TIME'S SAKE. >> Stephen: SOUNDS GOOD. HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN A COUPLE OF HOURS! >> Jon: RIGHT >> STEPHEN: Y'KNOW, I SPEND MOST OF MY TIME SOURCING THE DAY'S FINEST HONG-JOE SILK NEWS STORIES, MOUNTING THEM ON THE MOST TOPICAL, PREMIUM, POLYHEDRAL BAMBOO JOKE FRAME, DECORATING IT WITH ARTISANAL ASH INK, INSERTING A HAND-POURED BEESWAX CANDLE, FILLING IT WITH INTENTION AND SETTING IT ALOFT ON THE UPDRAFT OF AUDIENCE LAUGHTER IN THE SPECTACULAR CHINESE LANTERN FESTIVAL THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE. BUT SOMETIMES, I GO VISIT MY BUDDY, BARRACUDA AT THE ABANDONED MALL, DROP A COUPLE HUNDOS ON SOME WET ROMAN CANDLES, BENT SPARKLERS SMUGGLED IN FROM THE PHILIPPINES, AND A FLARE GUN STOLEN FROM AN CRASHED COAST GUARD BOAT, THEN SET IT ALL OFF IN THE DERANGED, UNREGULATED FIREWORKS ACCIDENT OF NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT: "MEANWHILE!" ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ALWAYS MAKES ME FEEL GOOD. ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS HAPPY TO DO THIS. THIS IS HAPPY, ANTIDEPRESSANT. >> STEPHEN: MEANWHILE A 37-YEAR-OLD ITALIAN PASTRY CHEF, IS BUILDING HIS OWN VERSION OF MIDDLE-EARTH, TO ABANDON MODERN LIFE AND IS LIVING AS A HOBBIT. COME ON, MAN -- A 37-YEAR-OLD BEING THAT OBSESSED WITH TOLKEN? COME ON, MAN -- A 37-YEAR-OLD BEING THAT OBSESSED WITH TOLKEN? AND PLAYING DRESS UP TO FEEL A PART OF MIDDLE EARTH IS A LITTLE SAD. THAT KIND OF BEHAVIOR IS ONLY APPROPRIATE FOR A 57-YEAR-OLD MAN. THE CHEF IS NICOLAS GENTILE SEEN HERE WEARING THE SAME NEW BALANCES FRODO FAMOUSLY WORE IN THE BATTLE OF MOUNT FOOTLOCKER. AND GENTILE IS COMMITTED. HE BOUGHT A PIECE OF LAND IN THE COUNTRYSIDE, WHERE HE AND HIS WIFE STARTED BUILDING THEIR PERSONAL SHIRE. WOW, HE HAS A WIFE. ( LAUGHTER ) ♪ HE GOT A WIFE ♪ MEANWHILE, CROCS HAS ANNOUNCED THEY WILL BE CHANGING THEIR CLOGS' INGREDIENTS TO BE BIOBASED BY 2022. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: YEAH. YEAH. ( APPLAUSE ) A GREAT MOVE, BECAUSE CURRENTLY, EACH INDIVIDUAL CROC IS WHITTLED FROM A BLOCK OF POLONIUM 210. ( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE, THERE ARE STILL MAJOR OBSTACLES TO COLONIZING THE RED PLANET, AMONG THEM BEING THAT MARTIAN SOIL DOESN'T CONTAIN THE RIGHT STUFF TO MAKE BUILDING MATERIALS. BUT DON'T WORRY, THERE MAY BE A SOLUTION, BECAUSE SCIENTISTS ARE SUGGESTING WE BUILD A MARS BASE OUT OF ASTRONAUT BLOOD. I'M GUESSING THOSE SCIENTISTS ARE NOT ASTRONAUTS. THIS INNOVATIVE IDEA COMES FROM LEAD RESEARCHER DR. ACULA. ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) WHY BLOOD? FANS OF DR. ACULA HERE. ( APPLAUSE ) WHY BLOOD, YOU'RE ASKING? WELL, RESEARCHERS SAY THAT IT'S POSSIBLE TO USE A SPECIAL PROTEIN FOUND IN HUMAN BLOOD AS AN IN VIVO BINDER TO CREATE A KIND OF MARTIAN SOIL CONCRETE THAT CAN BE USED TO BUILD, OR 3D PRINT, ENTIRE BUILDINGS. I NOTICE THEY'RE NOT BEING SUPER SPECIFIC ABOUT HOW THEY'RE GONNA HARVEST ENOUGH ASTRONAUT BLOOD TO 3-D PRINT ENTIRE BUILDINGS. WELCOME TO YOUR FIRST DAY ON MARS. HERE'S THE KEY TO YOUR ROOM. BUT FIRST, WHY DONTCHA JUST HOP ON IN TO THE OL' DISEM-BLOOD-INATOR. AFTERWARDS YOU'LL GET A JUICE BOX AND A LORNA DOONE. AND IT'S NOT JUST BLOOD. SCIENTISTS EXPLAIN THAT YOU CAN ALSO WHIP UP MARTIAN CONCRETE WITH: URINE, SWEAT OR EVEN TEARS. AND IF YOU'RE STRUGGLING TO COLLECT ENOUGH ASTRONAUT TEARS, TRY TELLING THEM YOU'RE GONNA MAKE BUILDINGS OUT OF THEIR BLOOD. ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) MEANWHILE -- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WHY, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? MEANWHILE... PHILIP MORRIS INTERNATIONAL HAS TAKEN CONTROL OF AN ASTHMA INHALER MAKER AFTER SECURING NEARLY 75% OF INHALER-MAKER VECTURA'S SHARES, MAKING IT THE MAJORITY SHAREHOLDER. THE WORST CONFLICT OF INTEREST SINCE EPIPEN WAS BOUGHT BY MR. PEANUT. ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) THIS LIFE-SAVING MEDICATION NOW AVAILABLE HONEY ROASTED. MEANWHILE, CNN HAS DONE A DEEP DIVE INTO HOW, AND HOW OFTEN, TO WASH TOWELS. ACCORDING TO EXPERTS, BATH TOWELS SHOULD BE WASHED EVERY THREE TO FIVE USES. OR, FOR YOU COLLEGE STUDENTS, WHENEVER YOU HEAR THE TOWEL WHISPERING (WHISPERS) KILL ME. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MELISSA MCCARTHY. ♪♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
Info
Channel: The Late Show with Stephen Colbert
Views: 1,003,104
Rating: undefined out of 5
Keywords: The Late Show, Late Show, Stephen Colbert, Steven Colbert, Colbert, celebrity, celeb, celebrities, late night, talk show, comedian, comedy, CBS, joke, jokes, funny, funny video, funny videos, humor, hollywood, famous
Id: hhwTiwUAaf8
Channel Id: undefined
Length: 5min 55sec (355 seconds)
Published: Fri Sep 17 2021
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