35 Minutes of Why Norm Macdonald Got Fired on Weekend Update

i'll put it in sports terms while you got fired you were [ __ ] with oj too much that's exactly why you were fired man i don't know that's his buddy yeah it's his buddy yeah well that's why you got cam oj is a good guy i mean potential jurors for the o.j simpson case were asked to fill out a 75-page jury questionnaire this week in the entire state of california only one person got a perfect score chow ming woo who after the trial plans to attend caltech by the way you can now purchase a bronze statue of the juice for only 3 395 dollars and for an even 5 grand you can buy one that al callings has kissed the ass out o.j simpson's new fitness video was released this week and hitting the shelves next week simpson's newest video door fun stocking [Applause] the crowd is torn [Music] [Applause] according to retailers the most popular halloween mass this year is o.j simpson and the most popular halloween greeting is i'll kill you and that guy who's bringing over your glasses or a treat [Music] and the pope came out with a book this week which contains a series of essays examining faith and morality in today's secular world and the changing role of the catholic church as it approaches the 21st century the book is entitled god himself told me that oj is guilty in other book news prince charles released an autobiography in which he states that he never loved princess die and that his father pressured him to marry her the book is entitled of course o.j did it i mean come on [Music] in his book o.j simpson says that he would have taken a bullet or stood in front of a train for nicole man i'm going to tell you that is some bad luck when the one guy who would have died for you kills you [Applause] you don't get worse luck than that and o.j announced this week that he's coming out with a new book called i want to tell you and if it's successful o.j will work on yet another book entitled from football to prison my 25 years of showering with other men and finally in honor of the 50th anniversary of their first publication random house will be releasing special commemorative issues of many dr seuss classics the first to hit the bookshelves will be green eggs and ham and o.j is guilty judge edo was interviewed this week by a local tv station in los angeles asked by the interviewer if it was appropriate for a supposedly impartial judge to be on tv with his case still pending ito said maybe not but how appropriate is it to kill your ex-wife [Applause] it was revealed today that o.j simpson told police that nicole brown simpson used to beat him up he also claimed that she and ron goldman killed him o.j simpson's lawyers have decided to skip hearings on dna evidence and go right to trial ask why they did this the lawyers replied we want to get o.j acquitted as speedily as possible so he can get back to doing what he does best killing people let's get to o.j o.j simpson's lawyers say they don't want the families of nicole brown and ronald goldman in the courtroom during the trial they're afraid the presence of the family members will just remind oj of how much more killing he still has to do well o.j simpson's lawyers stopped feuding this week finally the dream team f lee bailey and robert shapiro were able to put aside their differences and express their admiration for each other after o.j threatened to cut their heads off according to the national transportation safety board sleepy truckers are responsible for 1 000 deaths a year in second place o.j simpson had two deaths a year it was revealed this week the defense lawyer johnny cochran once abused his first wife in his defense cochran said hey at least i didn't kill her like some people i know [Applause] tomorrow judge lancito will take o.j and the jury on a tour of the now famous crime scene for the jury it will be their first look at the actual location of course for o.j it will be just a case of been there done that judge lancito was happy with the jurors field trip to the crime scene last week it went off without a hitch said ito not one murder oj's pal al cowlings now has a 1 900 number for 299 a minute cowlings will tell callers that oj is innocent and for 3.99 a minute he'll try to do it without laughing [Applause] and this week simpson defense lawyers questioned witnesses about a half-melted container of ice cream found at the murder site the simpson defense has seized upon the ice cream for two reasons one it may help fix the time of the murders and two it was the only thing in the murder scene without any of oj's blood on it to illustrate the point that their client is running out of money to defend himself o.j simpson's lawyer said this week that if he had to do it over again after killing his victims o.j would now rob them as well that one you find troubling we went was o.j simpson high on speed the night of the murders absolutely not said defense attorney johnny cochran today and a simple test of any of oj's blood found at the crime scene we'll prove it [Applause] [Music] and o.j pal-al calling said this week that in looking for the truth in the o.j simpson case he sometimes talks to a picture of nicole brown simpson something that in the past would have gotten him killed by oj f lee bailey said this week that if the defense only knew what ron goldman's last words were they might be able to find the real killer you know if you ask me goldman's last words were probably uh hey you're o.j simpson [Applause] [Music] oh no o.j is struck again how about [Applause] not a good that [Applause] and in court this week kato kalyn testified that o.j simpson did not appear angry before or after the period of his wife's murder but kaelin admitted he could have been a touch edgy while he was actually murdering her it might have been a hertz rental car company announced this week that will buy 520 000 vehicles increasing its worldwide fleet 24 in addition they will try to find a new spokesman who won't kill his ex-wife this week at the o.j simpson trial the infamous bloody glove was finally introduced into evidence and o.j didn't help his case any by blurting out there it is i've been looking all over for that thing and a new shocker in the o.j simpson trial this afternoon judge lancito dismissed yet another juror a 45-year-old african-american male for failing to tell the court that he had once worked for hurt's rent-a-car and that he had once held nicole brown simpson's glasses while o.j killed her [Music] dismissed simpson juror janette harris revealed in interviews this week that the jury is torn by dissension and is already divided into two camps those who think he is guilty and those who are really really stupid [Applause] a bad week for the prosecution of the o.j simpson trial under intense cross-examination by defense lawyer barry scheck lapd crime expert dennis fung admitted that he may have contaminated the crime scene when he accidentally dropped a big bucket full of oj's dna our top story tonight this week in the o.j simpson trial after grisly photos of the murdered nicole brown simpson were shown in court o.j turned his head away and wept it was at that moment that he realized he would never be able to kill her again well in a questionable move by the defense team this week o.j simpson demonstrated how to stab two people at the same time [Applause] remember 12 angry men the classic courtroom drama well the first film about the o.j simpson case is in the works it's entitled nine angry black people two scared asians and a white guy who hasn't spoken since rosa lopez testimony during the final week provided some spell-binding moments in a brilliant move during closing arguments simpson attorney johnny cochran put on the knit cap prosecutors say o.j war the night he committed the murders although o.j may have hurt his case when he suddenly blurted out hey hey easy with that that's my lucky stabbing hat well the trial of the century is over late yesterday the fate of o.j simpson the most famous murder suspect in united states history was placed in the hands of the jurors they must now decide whether to free him or get all their heads cut off thanks i'm norm mcdonald and now the fake news well it is finally official murder is legal in the state of california two hours after the verdict la police had their first solid lead in the hunt for the real killers a new witness has come forward who saw three men fleeing the crime scene the night of the murders police have released this sketch and would like to hear from anyone who has seen these three individuals on tuesday at 1 15 the moment the simpson verdict was delivered court tv scored its highest ratings ever an hour later the channel went out of business [Applause] well that covers the main developments in the o.j simpson case this week and after all other important things are going on in the world now more o.j simpson when simpson trial juror gina rodboro returned home this week her little girls were delighted to have her back and no wonder she lets him get away with murder our top story tonight following his shocking acquittal two weeks ago o.j simpson vowed never to rest until the real killers of nicole brown simpson are brought to justice and the manhunt continues after initially vowing never to rest until his wife's killers are brought to justice o.j simpson this week changed his pledge slightly he now vows to have sex with hot-looking models meanwhile this week o.j took girlfriend paula barbieri to see the erotic murder mystery jade other moviegoers took the couple's presence in stride though they did become uncomfortable when o.j repeatedly shut it out shouted out you call that a stabbing simpson had been discussing marriage with girlfriend paula barbieri but reportedly she has called the wedding off her fear was that if they married she would be brutally murdered and then and then someone would try to pin it on o.j the la district attorney's office has given marcia clarke and christopher garden christopher darden bonuses of over ten thousand dollars for quote lengthy hard time duty unquote in the o.j simpson case a spokesman for the d.a said that the prosecutor's bonuses would have been even higher except for the fact that they let a killer go free according to a report out this week o.j simpson is still extremely angry that robert shapiro began writing a book while he was defending the football legend however simpson is extremely pleased that he got away with killing his wife and that waiter [Applause] a down and out o.j simpson depressed that all of his money-making ideas have failed has decided to go back to doing what he does best killing people in a surprise move o.j simpson has offered to give an interview to cnn with quote absolutely no ground rules but interviewers greta van susteren and roger cossack have asked for one don't kill us in sworn testimony this week paula barbieri admitted that she had broken up with o.j simpson the very night nicole brown simpson was killed roy that had to be a tough day for o.j first he gets dumped by his girlfriend then colombian hitmen kill his wife in an effort to raise money for his enormous legal bills o.j simpson this week began marketing a video which attempts to prove his innocence should the tape not sell simpson has a backup idea his very own video of the actual murders themselves this week on nbc's dateline three members of the simpson jury explained their not guilty votes and argued that if simpson had killed his wife there should have been blood stains all over his gate front door and light switches also this week simpson friend al callings released his video how to get blood stains off gates front doors and right switches in his civil court deposition this week o.j simpson denied under oath that he ever punched kicked or slapped his ex-wife nicole oh great as if o.j isn't busy enough tracking down the real killers now he's got to track down the real wife beater too [Applause] and in brentwood oj himself was spotted manning a lemonade stand with his daughter sydney asked by reporters why sales were so poor o.j replied beats me and then he went back to cutting lemons with a giant knife a new development in the o.j simpson civil trial this week according to sworn testimony nicole brown simpson had told her therapist that she was afraid of getting beaten by o.j simpson asked why he didn't report this earlier the therapist said i was afraid of getting beaten by o.j simpson i said getting beaten and that may have hurt a little according to a senate committee on violence denise brown has done more to bring attention to the cause of battered women than any other person well almost any other again o.j gets a short shrift in los angeles this week lyle and eric menendez were found guilty of first-degree murder so to review california law it is killing your wife legal killing your parents illegal a shocking new development in the o.j simpson case late this afternoon a high-ranking official in the los angeles police department admitted to geraldo rivera that the police did conspire to frame o.j simpson for the murders of nicole brown and ron goldman however they called the conspiracy off when they got to the murder scene and found that o.j really did do it while in england where he spoke at oxford university simpson had defended actor marlon brando's criticism of hollywood jews later from his island hideaway brando sent o.j a telegram which read you're not helping [Laughter] arriving back in the u.s after his week in london o.j simpson was asked by a reporter why he hadn't spent mother's day with his children a visibly annoyed simpson replied idiot i didn't spend mother's day with my kids because i killed their mother well more oj simpson news on friday the juice officially endorsed bill clinton for president adding adding quote i'd like to help him any way i can to which the president replied well there is one thing in los angeles this week the defense suffered a setback in the second oj trial when simpson was ordered to turn over a secret videotape which lawyers say contains proof of his guilt what's on the tape the first oj trial finally this week lawyers in the new o.j simpson trial actually found a prospective juror who claims to know nothing about o.j simpson the murders or the first trial and who told the court quote i don't even know when it started or ended unfortunately the man had to be disqualified when it was learned that he had been a juror in the first oj trial during a recent interview in 2020 long time o.j simpson friend robert kardashian said he now believes simpson may be guilty though he did add that had he believed o.j was guilty at the time he never would have agreed to hide his bloody clothes and knife at his civil trial in los angeles this week o.j simpson attorneys began their case with an attack on nicole brown simpson's character outrage brown family lawyers responded quote nicole is a victim no matter what she did she certainly did not cut her own throat to which simpson's attorneys replied on the contrary that is precisely what we intend to prove at the simpsons civil trial this week o.j and fred goldman got into an explosive shouting match mr goldman bellowed at o.j don't give me that damn look while oj shouted back i wasn't even looking at you you're just mad cause i killed your son against the jets last week buffalo bill's running back thurman thomas broke o.j simpson's career rushing record and the week before he surpassed simpson in career touchdowns next up for thomas an attempt to kill three people at once o.j simpson was in a different courtroom this week attempting to regain custody of his two children in order to prove to the court how much he loves his kids o.j pointed out quote hey they're still alive aren't they this week in los angeles civil court an fbi expert testified that shoe prints left by the killer exactly match shoes belonging to o.j simpson in response oj stood up and exclaimed wait a minute wait a dog gone minute i just figured it out the real killer is me according to researchers in australia koala bears have fingerprints so close to those of human beings that they could easily be mistaken by police at the scene of a crime it should be noted however that the research was funded by o.j simpson so our top story tonight comes from the o.j simpson civil trial where this week it was revealed that in his first interview with police simpson had refused to take a lie detector test his reason it detects lives this week at the o.j simpson civil trial the focus shifted from the defendant to the alleged character flaws of nicole brown simpson attorney for oj hammered away at her lifestyle citing sexual promiscuity drug use and the fact that she married a double murderer meanwhile simpson defense attorney robert baker argued that a dark spot in a crime scene photo was a quote mystery shoe print suggesting that there were actually two killers o.j hopes this will support his theory that he did not act alone [Applause] in dramatic testimony this week at a civil trial o.j simpson said he didn't commit suicide only because quote my mother told me you don't go to heaven if you kill yourself oddly his mother did say quote it's okay to kill other people [Applause] in a unanimous verdict this week a santa monica jury found o.j simpson liable for the wrongful deaths of nicole brown simpson and ronald goldman awarding the plaintiff's damages of eight and a half million dollars reacting to the verdict simpson insisted that he has nowhere near that amount of money and that his only remaining asset is 30 pairs of brunei molly shoes the announcement of the verdict came toward the end of president clinton's annual state of the union address and many observers completely overshadowed the event even the president was distracted during his speech waiting to hear exactly how much it costs to kill your wife is our top story tonight this week of the civil trial of o.j simpson the jury which had earlier found him liable in the deaths of ron goldman and nicole brown simpson this week tacked on an additional 25 million dollars in punitive damages on hearing the news simpson declared quote this is far from over asked to clarify that statement oj said quote i'm going to kill more people what do you think i meant the first place in weekend update's most romantic valentine contest goes to david delafara of kearney new jersey yesterday mr della farah who works as a fireman here in the city climbed the ladder of a fire truck up to the third floor office window of his girlfriend alexandra there with a dozen roses and a wedding ring he proposed to her in front of all her co-workers congratulations david and coming in last place for the third year in a row o.j simpson at a book signing in new york this week fred goldman once again offered to forget the millions owed to him by o.j simpson if he would simply admit to the brentwood murders a visibly annoyed oj responded why in the world would i do that when i have no intention of paying you anyway more bad news for o.j this week harper collins reached an agreement with the brown family to publish his late wife's diary especially troublesome to simpson is this final entry dear diary i have to run now because oj is here to murder me and also the guy who returned my glasses i think he might murder him too also this week a california newspaper revealed that o.j simpson was awarded custody of his children mainly because a court-ordered psychological test showed that he is a loving father it should be noted however that the same test also showed that he was a loving husband according to o.j simpson niece terry baker when oj's mother eunice simpson first heard about the slaying of nicole brown she exclaimed he did it reach for comment oj said my mom was just guessing i hadn't even told her yet [Laughter] meanwhile oj himself may have some explaining to do for months he has denied hiding financial assets including valuable sports mementos from the brown and goldman families but earlier today simpson pal a.c cowlings was stopped as he tried to leave the country in the backseat of his bronco police found oj's heisman trophy disguised with a tiny fake beard more bad news for o.j simpson this week a los angeles court ordered him to turn over his heisman trophy to the goldman family in addition the same court may order simpson to surrender a coffee mug inscribed world's greatest husband moore followed from the recent conviction of british au pair louise woodward on murder charges this week her attorney barry sheck lashed out at the legal system saying quote what kind of sick society do we live in where an innocent girl is sent to prison well a double murderer like o.j simpson goes free kind of a in a statement with profound legal implications the fbi announced this week that for the first time its experts can now identify an individual with 100 accuracy through his dna and really when you think about it the timing could not have been better said former football great o.j simpson he was good on the gridiron meanwhile o.j simpson's brentwood estate officially went on sale this week with an asking price of 3.9 million according to realtors some of the home's highlights include a newly renovated gourmet kitchen and a luxurious master bathroom with separate sinks for murderer and murdery well this week after a los angeles restaurant refused to seed him o.j simpson demanded and got hundred dollars in compensation in addition the restaurant must now offer separate murderer and non-murderer sections [Music] this week oh oh there's a phone call here here i have a phone let me see now who would this be hello hey norm what's up it's oj oj hey hi o.j hey what even up to i just got back from the movie oh the movie what what'd you say beautiful girls oh yeah yeah who's in that again oh you know um thurman lauren harlan mira savino rosie o'donnell rosie o'donnell's and beautiful girls i know norm i was non-plus myself anyway there juice hey uh how's it going with the uh you know the the manhunt there for the the killers oh no don't ask ah not good huh that is an understatement i'm no closer to finding the real killers today than i was when i started it's like they vanished in the thin air oh well give it time there oj you know it can't be that bad oh believe me it is that bad sometimes i feel like i might as well shut down the whole investigation oh come on now hey did anything ever come out of that lead you uh you picked up there about the shadowy figure leaving the crime scene no i'm you're not gonna believe it it turns out that was me well so i guess that's a dead end yeah uh well hey how about that guy that was seen running back to your house by uh limo driver allen parks well guess what that turns out that was me also oh wow what are you gonna do huh nothing you can do sometimes you just have to laugh anyway norm while i have you here i was going to ask you a favor oh yeah sure juice what is it i produced a video dealing with some of the inconsistencies in the evidence and i've been having trouble getting the 800 number out on the airwaves really i'll uh i'll put it out okay that would be great it's 1-800-555-0165 oh okay that's uh 1-800-5 right 1-800-555-0165 okay 1-800-555-0165 okay uh hey what's the video cost here o.j was it like a hundred bucks oh no it's 29.95 29.95 good lord that's nothing yeah well we're practically giving it away we're trying to price it so that the average person can afford to buy it well o.j the question is not can the average person afford to buy it the question is can the average person afford not to buy it well we think it's a quality video well the price is certainly right hey uh let me ask you a favor uh oj can i give out that number one more time sure okay then that's 1-800-555-0165 right okay noah i'm going to let you go okay juice hey take care buddy o.j simpson everybody oh jay the juice well in a sworn deposition this week o.j simpson claimed that he never ever beat choked or hit his ex-wife with a closed or open fist luckily for o.j lawyers forgot to ask if he'd ever cut her head off you

Channel: I'm not Norm

Views: 1,616,193

Rating: 4.9254122 out of 5

Keywords:

Id: 6pCH_Ab6SIE

Length: 35min 20sec (2120 seconds)

Published: Fri Aug 06 2021

Reddit Comments

[u/AutoModerator]

A message to all users: Please be aware that spreading misinformation regarding COVID-19, vaccines, or other treatments can result in content being removed and/or a ban. Content advocating for or celebrating the death of anyone, or hoping someone gets COVID-19 (or any disease) can result in a ban as well. Please follow Reddiquette. If you see content violating these policies, please use the report button and do not feed the trolls.

Reddit's Content Policy

Reddit's stance on misinformation

/r/Funny's rules

We also encourage you to read these helpful resources on COVID-19, vaccines, and treatments:

COVID Dashboard

Reddit's Vaccine FAQ

Ivermectin FAQ

---

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/RegisMayhem]

The world is a lesser place without Norm MacDonald.

[u/bob_apathy]

Talk about a weird trip down memory lane. Not only seeing Norm Macdonald on Weekend Update but also remembering the sheer circus of insanity that surrounded that trial.

I remember seeing the infamous chase live during Game 7 of the NBA Finals with my ex and some friends we had over. That shit would shut down the internet if it happened today. Which it could since the real killer is still out there!

Edited to add-WTF was up with the oddly placed clothing models(?) and the spa music?

[u/MaskedJakyl]

He got fired because OJ was friends with some high end clown at the network,that is the only reason.

[u/Trollzilla]

wham bam thank you sir

[u/nimo01]

35 minutes of OJ jokes, all by one person…. Only Norm Macdonald.

[u/Dot_Classic]

He was a deadpan court jester who was never afraid to tell the truth.

[u/austinwiltshire]

The real killer is still out there.

The top suspect?

You guessed it, Frank Stallone.

[u/unsuresignofnewname]

Maybe he really did do it?