Love Never Fails - Best Marriage Tips Ever by Dr. K. N. Jacob

[Music] look at your neighbor eyeball to eyeball tell him or her with ass work love never fails sorry I'm starting on a sad note about divorce and because there's no marriage that graduate from divorce I just want to give you a little bit of some 10 countries and check their divorce rates just to check on yourself as at last year these are the latest statistics sorry February this year only 47 marriages in the US make it 53% end up in divorce in France 55% in Cuba 56% in Estonia 58 percent look them back which is right now number one per capita in the world only 40 percent of marriages make it spain 63 percent the Czech Republic 66 percent please understand I'm talking of divorce rates not the ones that make it so in Hungary we have seen that very percent of all marriages fail Portugal 60% Belgium 71% only 29% of all marriages in Belgium succeed and what we should tell is this this is a green dynamic we don't have concrete figures from this side of the world I'll definitely prefer to give you Kenyan statistics perhaps is a charge to the researchers in our Mideast whether one of us can take this challenge or whether we can sponsor a test and so on one life club in check because perhaps the statistics are not very different in a city like narrabeen marriages are most stable in upcountry but the odds are very high one in every two marriages in this country studs chance to divorce what I would suggest tonight I checked some other statistics of those who engage in the second marriage under that marriage specifically in the United States because almost always when people divorce these days on my clinician base they definitely want to get into another relationship and this is what I found out from mark 2012 in those days 50% of all first marriages in the u.s. ended up in divorce today it's 53 percent back 2012 we are talking of 50% but many of these guys decided to remarry since the third percent of the second marriages ended up in divorce but most of them went for the bad marriage 73 percent or that marriages add up in divorce all the message you have a higher chance to succeed in your first marriage than subsequent fantasies and fallacies what do you think you're going to do in another girl or another man why can't you do it now in the current relationship it's always easier to so the issues you have right now not to start a new relationship because you're the same person getting into subsequent relationships and you'll take the same issues and you take marriage less secrete in subsequent relationships than in a fast relationship because once you want to break a covenant it becomes Union or you continue in great covenants and most people and are becoming more careless in second relationships but you know I receive a lot of emails and horse up sweepa tele but dhoka have a lot of pain you have no clue what I've gone through in my first marriage then don't with the pain you've already gone through a lot of pain stop wasting it at least get out of it with something walk out your marriage and the same people who tell me that and write long emails I Adam a question when is the last time you went for a marriage seminar have you ever looked for a counselor when did you talk with your best couple or a priest no it's too expensive to come for a marriage seminar let me ask you how much is your happiness woof because the moment you break peace with your relationships you have no peace I spent an entire career researching and speaking and teaching on success and the two leading causes of stress on this planet is money and relationships of course in Africa it's money number one the number two relationships in the way relationship is the first thing it is stretch that's why we are heartbroken by relationships we hardly invest in relationships you pay for your children in expensive schools at expensive holiness and none of these things will substitute for investing in your marriage when Erastus was asking you a question when is the last time you went for a marriage seminar I'm glad that you're honest to confess many of you this is your very first time others they do it sporadically it is a Nigerian pastime visiting with unique prophecies so my idea for us you've got to invest in your relationship because nothing works unless it's cost to work over the years whenever talk to couples about marriage the two major arguments I've come across is that every man completes I don't feel respected I don't feel honored and the very fast compañera see from women I don't feel loved anymore I don't think he loves me any longer I think it's gone so this has been the debate when the man doesn't feel respected he doesn't love the wife when she doesn't feel loved she doesn't respect the man it's a crazy psycho even last year and years behind I decided to ask me what exactly do you mean by respect and I also decided to ask women what exactly do you mean by love what do you mean by that I would have done that exercise tonight but have too much to cover to give you that opportunity and those of you have come in my marriage seminars in the past we have gone through this exercise so I'll give you a little bit of what women told me and what men told me just in summary so I asked women what do you mean by love what is love to you this is what they told me her definition of love first I want him to spend quality time with me that means if you don't spend quality time with your wife - how you don't lava men don't get this because they are not socio they are alpha males looking for money what does love to do with my love with you I have pay the school fees for children I bought your house have even bought your mother shop in every man thus your definition as a man that's not her definition her definition is quality time that's her love language women tell me I want to receive a phone call during the day the average man can't understand is how I'm working I want to be updated for long I never the stood away my master wanted to understand what I ate for lunch for heavenly sake how do you remember that women want attention they want someone who can listen to them and this is interpreted to mean love what let me explain these guys when you ask them how was your day a woman doesn't want fine she was details shows you to explain who you met why we're here they don't want comparison and they don't want you to express interest of any other woman don't even pretend to be noticing other women sometimes made me fall into this temptation of comparing them with another person's size another person's come Ness and composure and we say you're not as composed as the terrace wife you are not as supportive as a Rastus wife to women when you take care of children they feel loved when you do homework with children when you drop them to school and pick them in the evening the average man can't understand what has this to do with romance but every time you drop your child to school and do homework with them you already will prepare in your night I also don't understand it battalion definition how many women in this life audience often Siva give from their house but in the last two months it almost received a gift one had their two three oh it's a cup oh wow a lot of women told me the world's up prices they want chocolates my math in particular likes white chocolate limited engineer you by Massey brown chocolate you've lost it you got to find her love language how she likes white chocolates and for the men in our midst if God has given you a wife with an expensive taste that's an opportunity for blessing don't worry it's an opportunity for blessing she wants out it's for me a purpose for my last fifteen years about six months now 15 years we have done this every week even well she was extremely pregnant we've done this every single week outing is not a question of money it's a decision is a choice she was to be consulted don't give surprises of property you're buying somewhere changing jobs deals you're cutting so that you don't come home empty-handed she also be involved in the process she wants you to assist with home choice let me make a disclaimer here I'm very poor in this but that's not mass's love language there are some women here who wants you to fix a galley with Amana now some women here who don't want in the kitchen is that a fact what is important is that we can't pick these things in wholesale is to understand your woman's love language that's what is important for example my wife likes me to hold our hands it doesn't matter where we are whether in the city center in my last talk at multi Lima BOGO one woman and one man told me they don't like coordinates at all it makes both of them feel very uneasy so why would her now they need compliments there are some people here who see the chemist Capas let me just pick three Atrato one two three where's your wife has he told you today love you today I'm not asking at night no man forgets to say at night remember this we have no problems in it at night we are not domestics I'm asking during the day has he say that fantastic there are two hands here raise your wife has he said that today you guys know how to play politics let me try this hole inside this side is always holding how many came has kept us why are you seated together my goodness God is doing something new in Kenya as he said today love you not yet or not yet until the lights go out let's get one or two more yes has he say that not yet goodness who talked to people politics not yet why haven't I brought you here you're supposed to interpret that to mean but most women told me they want to hear rubbery let me tell everyone listening to me here tonight your thoughts don't bless her your wife wants to hear you saying I love you love has to be expressed love is not just action but it must be spoken it must be expressed at least that is one thing that almost every woman told me let me give a warning I'll never forget in the year 2010 I was training for the Ministry of water on performance management countrywide a huge project and I was doing different towns at some point in Couture town I decided to interrupt myself for two hours and drew in some soft skills and and I always do this no matter who invites me to speak on technical skills I always try to equip guys with some soft skills because that what counts at the end of the day so I told these guys please make a phone call to your wife wherever she could be or your husband and say I love you today they got excited one guy got so hysterical he invited me and say doc I just wanted to listen me call my wife so he called a wife on loudspeaker I love you I've missed you she began to scream on phone what's wrong with you what happened you know she had never had it for 23 years so if you have not seen it for 20 years that moose moose they might wonder what your company runs a poly poly but every woman is looking for daily compliments don't do it just because you feel like do it because that's her love language protection from that parties which include your own mother which include your children which include your employer who cost you later night during family time your woman was to be protected from a dead party which includes other women and as I say finally find out whether she likes her husband help or not some women who get very uneasy if you go hole in their heart in public because where they are raised up from the only places so people hold in heart was on television but I also asked men what do you mean by respect can you help us on a study definition of respect and I had men telling me a couple of things number one on the list don't compare me with other men now of course we men don't understand what I'm saying let me explain to you very simple after this meeting tonight when you go home don't talk about dr. Kennedy talk about what I'm teaching you know that mistake you make you compare your husband with other guys without knowing by just talking so much about a character he met somewhere it could be Vulcan Yetta it could be any other celeb if you know those things and discuss the content of this meeting it's safer for you than talking too much about your speaker tonight don't take me to your home leave me here men don't want to be compared with anyone now the moment you say mr. John mr. Paul is driving a v8 v 8 - compared oh don't you know so-and-so has just bought a home in Canada sure he feels why can't you live with him in Kenosha he just doesn't want to be compared don't ever shout at your husband according to him you don't respect him speak calmly if you ever feel like calling him names of all domestic animals take a walk go breathe some oxygen come back home if you feel you have not erupt write down everything in order to tell him on your laptop maybe on a Word document you will be venting in the process once the steams come down then leave that document scripture says we should not keep a record of wrongs don't ever correct him in public what is public in the presence of anyone don't play smart and show you a husband damn you draw the both of you look dumb but don't correct him in public in your privacy what does that mean when you're two of you go and tell him I think we should have done it this way you should have said it this in my opinion and don't ever start any sentence at home with the word you use accusing or is that with the word I think I feel every time you start a statement of the word I you already neutralize any anger now now Consort inform him now I did not write this bullet for each one of you this bullet is specifically for women from Marana those who by secret plots we have a note scheme just in case it doesn't work then I have some plot somewhere in particular in Co chemo and they know themselves and the aloft I can already betray them the moment your husband discovers you have one or two secret plots or accounts then definitely you're sent a strong signal you have no faith in posterity together and he feels Dishonored he feel disrespected it should be told a number of UI in that cage and I'm going to flash it before I finish because we've got to give you a solution I know for a fact there are many people here in secret account you've got to deal with it tonight now the reason you came here because the knowledge of the truth set free don't discuss your marriage issues a lot of women will spend a lot of time discussing their husbands with no Sonali from BBC you have not been commissioned officially what you have never realized every time you discuss with another woman and she spends time encouraging me to discuss that woman hits you there is nobody who loves you who spread or entertain or encourage you to discuss your husband negatively I remind you I emphasize I repeat every other woman who encourages you to discuss wrong things about your husband she is not acting in your best interest identify her as an enemy tonight this is one of the phone numbers you need to delete and I can help you do it I have no emotions there it insightful numbers every time you engage your husband intimately you said a strong signal you respect him the converse is also true the moment you manipulate your husband surgery in fact I define it this way that which God witchcraft is any form of control and manipulation so you are which if you've been controlling your husband sexually and today I'll be pretty for witches so that they live here since a few near 90 in other words your body the Bible sister is not your own for both of you it'll belongs to the other person and the movement to share love you said in a strong signal I need you I value you appreciate you the opposite is rejection I don't need you I think these needs are satisfied Elsa you don't deserve me now I think I need to draw a few points right now because whenever men don't feel respected they don't have the eyes so obvious I just women listening to me hold your husband in high regard praise him speak hide of him it doesn't matter where he is right now it's a beginning point believe me every man you see on this planet has potential to achieve their maximum potential if only they are celebrated by the women in their lives if you continually celebrate your man there's nothing you too will not achieve encourage him support his vision you know some women when a man comes home and says look I think I'm going to put up a hotel the first thing what have you ever done with your life simply because too many projects are failed doesn't mean the next one will fail sometimes it takes 8 projects to fail for one to succeed I've taught about the Pareto principle and roughly at most 20 percent of project succeed to support his vision be his cheerleader he's harassed in the marketplace there is no mass in there for those who are employed for men is very humiliating when they have a woman as a boss who tear them emotionally and then she comes home expecting you to cheer him up and then to his roots surprise you continuous continuing the devil's assignment or fixing him or from today henceforth they say to partner with God and cheer him up you make the enemy to lose every time you encourage someone the enemy reduces so a lot of men say sorry be his cheerleader and I think not in your notes but a lot of men stay late from home they get into the clubs because they are being celebrated by other men in fact if your husband has been ama drinking they are very high there's somebody who celebrates him in a club you may not need some prayers of deliverance for your husband you may need to live as yourself Souths hush but even Solomon officiant I'm King Solomon addressed every husband if you have a colossal woman you'd run amock a tiny place on the top of your house and sleep right there with the birds not a stay with a woman who tears you emotionally but sometimes I have water let me just go back to these notes I've asked myself a question this is a huge debate if she doesn't feel lad she doesn't respect him if he doesn't feel respected he doesn't love her so is this a cycle and who's gonna break the cycle if you have followed me at any length of time you know I don't believe this is a cycle I honestly believe no woman should ever sit down to plan how to submit submission for a woman is a response to the love of the man so submission doesn't start the last that's the puzzle who talked about this better than I could do in a thousand years is poorly a postal most of you know this scripture offered from Ephesians 5 through 21 to 28 the Apostle Paul gives a very strong argument husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and I like checking the Hebrew Bible and the word there is ecclesia the Bride of Christ by the way that text was not written for marriage as most of us believe Paul is clear he was talking about the love of Christ and his bride equation so how did Christ love his wife the more she persecuted him the more he loved her so much that he died for her the more the wife of Christ continued to see with wife of Christ the church the more Christ continued to love his wife then policies if you can love like that then your wife will naturally some it the charge to disable to submit to Christ because Christ loved the church and gave himself his all to the church that's the reason you're calling yourself Christian tonight so I suggest this to every man here in my voice if you love your wife as Christ loved the church she doesn't need any seminar to be taught on submission submission is a natural response to your love so submission does not start last times how do I know this the scripture teaches us we do not choose Christ he chose us in fact the Bible today has to see he chose us before the foundation of this world so the love begins they respect follows so every man here in my voice if you're not getting the respect from your wife then you're not setting the love you should not be sitting down to lecture ha how to submit you should be analyzing how to love like Christ love as your naturally some meat I don't know whether we are communicating I will communicate it that's the truth and the truth that will set us free or attach on a delicate part on communication I want to check how we talk I know many of you have gone for seminars to talk about communication tonight I want to break it down for us under to look at the elements because the primary reason why we pathways is this one thing communication my question is this does everything the woman see of the wife in this matter is that what the husband hears that the question on ask you do you think whatever you say that's what your husband hears let me tell you what I found out when she says can we talk the husband here you are in trouble when she says Bob is doing really well you are not man enough you don't measure up with Bob you are still below par when she says I am tired I am sleepy what are the man here I gotta give a gift right now these are for gifts what do you think he hears the first woman to get it you get a book here a lot o great for you I don't want sex tonight stop that see you see dizzy when she says do you want dinner what does he hear you must have eaten where you came from why didn't you eat you got it yeah I expected you to have eaten yeah I hope you've eaten where you are you can't committed the staticy for heart for food when she says I have what it takes to do it do you know what it is I don't need your assistance your assistance is not needed hmm I can fix the bulb hmm I think I can call the plumber to check the bathtub do you know what they have but you have but here's you are done ahead I can do it on my own I know where the garage is when you say when you do be home tonight now this is a hard one how long will you stay away I don't know women hear different things that's one i'll give you an extreme yes another I miss you who are you with good by the way that is so she hears where is your husband dangerous girl right here by the that's exactly what she hears who are you in I want to control your every movement can you tell me who you are wait now what he says what she hears when the man says here is the solution what are the wave here I don't care about your views this is how you're going to do it your opinions are not important don't be so emotional what does she hear and this is very common how many men can say this is common oh good don't be so emotional stop being a child who see that Wow where's your husband my goodness Wow stop in a chair that's exactly what she hears but they let me make a disclaimer we all don't hear the same things that's up that's a good one your feelings are not important let me make it clear to everyone here feelings is what make us human beings the moment you tell someone ought to be emotional you are telling them not to be human the issue is how can we get emotional intelligence and after this I suggest strongly if you must listen one video from me sit down as a couple and listen with no interruption with no phone calls on what I taught about emotional intelligence it's available for you free of Church in my youtube channel dr. Kennard Unicom just listen to it keenly on anger management on self-awareness on happiness on empathy unfortunate religious just go through it together the odds are very high you look at each other emotionally from a different prism or together because we see different realities when a man says ok fine what are she here I don't care what you're going through I'm so annoyed at you right now nothing is wrong what does she hear everything is wrong you've evaded me when you see Naveen is wrong that's the time she knows everything is very very wrong now here's a tricky one are they gonna give a gift for this now this is for women the first one to get it right a gift Samantha is really nice what do you she's better than that's one let me hear another one and I cannot talk about these boots for you yes who say that where is your husband be careful never ever say amiga is good just keep it to your heart because what she hears I'm not yet done with Samantha she's still in my agenda now this is a very tricky one when you tell your wife you look very beautiful today what does she hear can you hear that say it again women yesterday you're not looking good and few scare to have sex with you are you Nigerian wow I've never seen you beautiful before today's the only day you're looking good the other days you're normally looking yeah can I take a break for a moment and pray for your song hey honey have you gained some weight in your rear-end the dress you wear reminds me of my old girlfriends where'd you get those shoes I think they're pretty lame [Music] would you stop talking cuz I'm trying to watch the game if you're man who wants to live a long and happy life these are the things you don't say to your wife [Applause] I planned a hunting trip next week on your birthday I didn't ask you but I knew it'd be ok go make some dinner while I watch this fishing show I taped it over our old wedding video if your man who wants to live a long and happy life these are the things you don't say to your wife your cooking's just okay but not like my mother makes the diamond in your ring I thought you is a fake your eyes look puffy dear how are you feeling you happy anniversary I bought you a treadmill if your man who wants to live a long and happy life these are the things you don't say to your wife thank you anyway hey Nia sip some water what he says she means when a woman says I'm just checking on you what does he mean I want to know where with who doing what now this is for men only the first man to get it a gift when a man says I have no clothes to wear men only men only know this is for men yes sorry my goodness this is not flesh and blood this is a revelation she needs new clothes but when a man says I have no clothes - what does he mean they are dirty they are dirty you know some men are dumb they never get this the woman says I have no clothes to wear and alicia has no clothes with you she has a whole body cat home she's telling you go out there and get something new that you have nothing to read I can see so many no she's telling you go to the shop when Holman says what are you doing tonight from there what does she mean she needs to be taken out that's a nice one there's another one what are you doing tonight who are you with tonight when is fine by their she's insulting you she's telling is not worth arguing she's telling your petty if a woman just is fine is not in her nature just to say fine it's in our nature to explain it so when she is just fine she's telling you oh you're so petty I think this a better subject to this cast if omen sees me I'll never do that and she exclaims believe me she has always done that she has not long ago to protect herself it's called the law so preservation women learned long ago if things are so thick deny deny and then deny some more if omen tells you that guy keeps calling me man you should be very very well worried if she says that he said other dudes also interested me if you don't nobody's looking for me you are wrong number you are mistaken now this is for men again I want to give another man a gift this is very easy I wish my stomach was flattered he got a degree but another guy very sharp IQ Wow Wow never ever tell a woman never confirm it if you confirm you're in trouble why are you not complimenting me can you imagine I mean you see oh yeah you're quite fat in fact I had a pasta in charge saying this when Roman says you're looking fat see now I have a bigger being to hold don't xenos just encourage her that you need to lose weight to yourself no time so let's be running together theory as we jogging together oh you're going to sleep thought you had to stay up later what is she telling you my goodness I need brilliant guys here yeah oh no it's not talking brother oh yes he says he's telling you my goodness he's already telling you or she's looking for she doesn't want a lot of talk she was a lot of action she was a lot of lovemaking when omen says what time are you coming home tonight that's a dangerous question what is she saying who are you with are you playing around with girls tonight let me make a disclaimer not on me now not all men are that question yes some 5% of you who are wholly nice pastoral but for the 95% that's what they asked the Gooding is this whatever menses or the mean is that true whatever men's is that what they mean even it absolutely not even men have their own code when he says I will call you Velichko is any deeper sugary I'm busy they'll call me never come when a man says I didn't mean it ha I didn't expect you to be upset can we talk about it later never exactly that later is when the Lord returns can we drop it permanent tray please when he says you look incredible in that dress now all opposed there if a man tells you that on Sunday morning what is it telling you we are late exactly that we are late can you get out if he complements you too fast on Sunday morning it does not need to do your smartness get in the car we need to well please can we go now you've been on the meter far too long ha when he says she's just afraid mother afraid she is still in my to-do list this is still in my basket for the sake of a singles who came for this mitten idea if you have a few single people him I have two bullets in blue for your sake when a man tells you I don't want to ruin our friendship he's telling you it's over yeah it's over I never thought of dating you please move on with your life if a man and woman were walking down the street and he notices a beautiful man the natural tendency of our Isis men is to fellowship a little longer there's a tendency or some delay between our eyes and beauty cause we are visual by our own creation so if you are caught and the man says who oh I didn't even notice her basically saying he's a price you caught him he doesn't like when you catch him ah glean was too over that delay for the sake of a seekers again you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen if this is a single man telling you that what is he telling you no I've never asked you something about women a man cheats you you know he's cheating you and you go ahead and be cheated you can make a mistake once you repeat it it's not a mistake it's a decision I need to explain I think there is a part of my memory where I don't understand stuff for example I never done how do you accidentally get pregnant for the sixth time whether this is me is a personal weakness yeah things are not understood I need explanation how do these accidents happen the first time i understad you the second time i stood at the study are still running six times you didn't know what needs to it my god when a man tells you you're looking so beautiful you're sick of God and you know where he's heading but you still like hearing it he's saying can we go ahead and have some sex how come a man can convince you when you're grown up now there the first time suddenly he has noticed something unusual from heaven in all creation I've never seen the concentration of beauty in one body like this I have traveled places but I can tell you for a father never seen such a few skin I've never seen such blue eyes when I I don't know why they talk about when acidic I'm looking at your shape danda right character I think for the next one will come not able to sleep how come you buy such cheap things and after marriage they never see the same stuff when a man says look I'm sorry what is he saying especially if he says that at 10 o'clock in the evening can you go ahead with the makeup sex now please let's stop Corinne if a man asks you this question in the woman listening to me EDA your husband asked you this question how do you know Jim what is the question here's the word how do you know Jim she has already answered have you ever had sex with Jim what are you doing him maybe you should think about exercising never tell your wife that directory you are senior getting fat I think I want to teach you one of the greatest lessons of lunch in my life before I get into another section of our discussion tonight are you learning anything yeah I wanna pick one of the most important lessons that I'm very sure we have never even talked about it in season one like I've never taught about this this would be my very first time I believe if you miss everything else I'm going to tell you if you only follow a suggestion I'm going to make right now it's all your time energy and effort it's not my original concept I borrowed it from patient idiom catcher I call it the ideon talking stick I have tried it in my own family and it has delivered results communication is a tricky thing in ancient times this what the idioms used to do they used to have a stick called the talking stick and they used to exchange it so they would hold and this is how it works so I improvised something in my house because we don't have the Indian hockey stick so we have a box I bought it in Egypt and this is how it works so long as I'm holding this box in our house we call it the talking box so long as I'm holding this box Masek cannot argue with me she cannot agree with me or disagree with me we cannot engage in any argument so every time we think an issue is emotive we hide in this thing it's called in it's called the talking box I hold it like this and as long as I heard this if she doesn't disagree with me she just nod her head she can say yes or no but she cannot interrupt me and till I know I'm a Hardy percent understood how is that until she repeats hor-aha told her in her own words if she doesn't repeat what I think is my position I'll not release this it's my protection when I feel here that I stood my point I had over the box to Mercy I can't interrupt ah I can't agree with her I can't disagree with her she has the right of way then she will confirm with me what was I telling you what did I tell you how did you hear me say at that particular moment she has the talking box I have zero right of communication I can only respond to her question she Ronny had over this box to me when she feels she's a hundred percent understood and her point has gone home then she gives me back there talking box the gurus initiate Indian culture used to have or do according to walk the token stick so the money the society to hold it like this in their Barraza when the other people would understand him he would head over to the next guy and they never exchanged words they never coded at all sometimes when you're discussing about money mother-in-law when you're discussing about your projects and your priorities media shifts in life should we take our child to an expensive school should we go for holiday here what is the priority this season sometimes issues can get out of control but nothing get out of control if human beings control their communication let me tell you this everything you are is found in an animal exert your mind and speech what makes you human is your ability to speak and tourism the only gifts of immortality that are bestowed upon human being is speech and mind if you can control what you speak in fact they are posted James writes and this your profit in all your ways if whatever comes from your lips and Jesus said it as well he said what you doesn't make him pure but it's what you say if you can be holy in your speech you're perfect in all your ways and they way to do it in marriage is to come up with a way to ensure you don't draw words that you will regret in my house this has worked for us you can come up with your own but this has worked for us and believe me you'll never exceed what as long as you come up with a formula that protect the other person because we see different realities we live in different worlds we don't see the same this was the same way your perception is not my perception so I have to really understand what is her point and she has to really understand what is my point and that the essence of communication if all to summarize everything honor to see tonight about communication have a mechanism in your house that issue as you safeguard Vienna party anterior totally understood so the idiom tokenistic looks like that if you have only one take home from tonight's message please carry this tapas in your heart it's one immature irresponsible and ungodly one year two years ten years you're still exchanging words they are not two people who divorce because of affairs every marriage can survive an affair any marriage can survive financial strains the only thing you can never survive is when you start exchanging words because water never innocent there live in messages they carry within them life and death scripture says life and death is in the pole the tongue and did that lobby shall eat the fruit their loss proverbs 18:21 Scripture teaches thou shalt not Cassady presume the verticals 1914 quite such a scripture deaf people do not even here in the first place because of the damage those what will do to the vessel in which yes Todd if you take care of the word to Terry espouse I tell you today the aid of June 2018 every single family here is gonna win just take care of the words of your mouth they carry them the power to create or the power to destroy the power to bless or the power to cuss the power to make or the power to ruin come up with a tool like the ideon talking stick and agree you have to put yourself in your partner's reality in your partner's world because your perception of the world is totally different I will learning anything how does look at three concepts for never a and the first one is reasons for divorce in young marriages then I gonna teach you reasons for divorce in seasoned marriages and finally I'm going to teach you about last in love how to build last in love young marriages I'm talking of between zero and five years and sometimes this can go into ten years depending on how fast you're growing remember you will never accidentally grow all couples have good intentions but marriages don't work because of good intentions you've got to be intentional you've got to be deliberate there could be many reasons my list is not exhaustive by any stretch of the imagination but I want you to pick some of these five reasons and see what you need to address number one on the list feeling that you deserve someone better than your own spouse you become dissatisfied over time and this would trick you into making mistakes you start remembering a boyfriend who had proposed to you and you didn't agree a girl you had seen when you're in college or in your first job or in a business trip and you see your wife could also be having a great strength could be having great qualities too if you just get out of cloud nine and come back to reality you see whatever you focus on expands if you focus on food you see them more they get magnified in your sight if you focus on somebody's trend you begin to see it more and more if you have been seeing a lot of protein your partner you've been focusing on foot don't be a gifted foot fighter as though there's a reward for it you develop in the same manner in which you mine gold when you're mining gold you remove tons and tons of that but you don't go in the quali looking for the dirt you carry they're looking for the gold the gold could be as small as this water bottle and that that could be as much at this entire room where you go focusing on the gold not focusing on the dark dig for the gold what you focus on expands number to fill in constraint and this could be in a number of areas fast unfortunately for some of us it could even be in bed but for most of us is because you want to climb up your career ladder and you feel the other person holding you back you feel like you're losing some opportunities they may be separating you from your family because you're being posted elsewhere or if you day's a gift within you that the other party is holding back if that is you then they oughta very high you may not stay together if you feel somebody's destroying your dreams you're not likely to fulfill your potential so what do I do if he is doing that the ultra high he is not doing that the alt are very very high you are not communicating you intense in a respectful manner so they are being blocked it's true that some people can block your career ladder because of their own inner insecurities they don't want to see with more degrees or more money they don't want to see you climb up the position but if I exceptionally keep people there were having majority of people this that destroying your dream when you start the stream days that's what goes on you can achieve whatever you want in life if you just help enough people get what they want it is in the process of helping the other party to achieve the dreams that they also helped you to achieve your dreams you must never compete in marriage compliment in marriage number three lack of communication and this is the primary reason I took more time to discuss come to the construct what communication means to you in a very simple way because this time is always used for communication that's why I say let's let's look at this in its proper light what is it that you see what does he hear what does she say what does he hear in my notes a route communication isn't just about talking to each other and I wrote this because all couples talk feel communicate and assumption in the very summit of relationships the assumption that communication has taken place that's why I recommend you use the EDL Talking Stick or you do like I do in my house have your talking box because it's possible for you to be talking but you're not communicating communication is when you receive feedback from the other party and confirm not just the words but those are the intents of your words so you're looking for the reverb on the nonverbal cues including facial expressions and gestures whether you are green with that party or not you're not charging the emotions number for unmanaged expectations which are the very seabed of defeat and frustrations for many marriages the next step in the way of life we get into marriages expectations from each other and from each other and at times the expectations are not mutually set you had an imagination of where you should be living by now what type of a kite should be driving even some people come to get a marriage and one wanted to go and study immediately after capital is passed on into marriage nothing you want to go for further studies but you didn't want to risk losing a husband so you do you do a quick wedding and rush to Germany for further studies it was a project in your list it is a project all you wanted to work out of the country if you in a marriage and one of you is chasing after money and the other is chasing after purpose your linkage completely my conviction you must never pursue money you add up look at Eden regrettably for 60 million for sixty thousand right he lost a two point five million job but I think is not two point five think about what would have happened the trickle-down impact in his career yeah if you think about it in the lens of future that could have been a billion shillings lost you agree with me and sometimes two people get into marriage and I have so many people I don't want to mention some of them you know them they are public figures the only reason they parted is because one party wanted to work clean and the possibility shortcuts each party assumes expectations will automatically be met that's not the case finally for the young cappuccino merest insecurity and mistrust do you really trust your spouse do you get agitated and easy and suspicious whenever they talk with an opposite gender Trust is an important pillar in marriage and if you can't trust your spouse then that marriage can survive now the question is why are they losing trust in you have you given them reasons not to trust you because if your spouse has lost confidence in you it is also a call for you to introspect if you look at these five items which one do you think you need to address as a young couple their orders to go beyond that and think about the most seasoned marriages you're here you've been married for about 15 years I think I want to give a gift to a couple who has been married longest let me see this rare to have had in or Metis be married for 30 years plus so we have one going twice that ts+ that is plus good how many years 31 can you appreciate him have you been married to the same woman is there that one combined from different marriages one woman and I was speaking in a meeting in the u.s. in Virginia and you know the way they speak it in black American English and after my meeting a guy says you know when I was looking for this woman I was looking for a deal then I realized is a No Deal now I'm looking for a new deal so you've been having the same deal the same deal the truth is this there's not a single marriage that is viewed breaking points I regret to tell you one of my dear friends because it's in a public domain a great Bishop a great man of God Bishop Noel Jones from Los Angeles after 23 years of marriage they had to divorce he is one of the biggest churches in California so this can happen and many people assume that long marriages are ended after law they are preferred the weed of change and they have survived every stone but that's not the case there is not a single relationship that is be your breaking point I'll give you eight reasons why your marriage needs to continually be watered and born is infidelity now whoever is listening to me including the can only know a minute every single marriage is tested by infidelity every single married you at some point in your life you will discuss that on the woman and not other man this question is not the issue at heart the question is how are you going to navigate not if but when this discussion comes because the idea of infidelity almost always crops up in a marriage at some point on the other you could fight someone extremely interesting perhaps where you're working or in business what you need to ask yourself from time and again is the Jewish water squeeze what the price of squeezing the juice and if you are ever having this discussion and you're the one who is being accused as a rule do not argue get on your knees in repentance you melt the argument see when the deputy president of Kenya agreed that he has a child and he's taking care the school fees do you know what he did he silenced every argument and the media had no news to give if he kept quiet they would have continued dig in the story forming headlines for a whole year but when you come clean then people of Navin ears to discuss what is culture becomes tricky is because you become very defensive whether you're right or wrong you I'm not saying you admit it I'm only saying apologize because whether you did it or not there is something that has happened that has triggered a discussion correct don't defend the emotions and the feelings apologize very much to say I didn't do that but if a tone you need some serious battery I'm saying literally I'm not saying the needs of your heart now emotional fears they look like they're less than infidelity but they are the same in the eyes of Christ Jesus said whoever looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery from God standard you've already closed the line so he that is the case and and buy emotionally obvious I mean in their a text a up that you not want your supposed to see surrender the passwords in that home and you realize it becomes a safe net for written your kids because so long as your secret codes to your phone secret codes to your internet then what will you be teaching your teenage children then you can't even get into the wall to find out what they are doing for example my daughter is in year ten which nine which is the equivalent of home to in the fo4 system and I know a lot of parents don't believe in buying kids smartphones and laptops and what I teach is this even if you disconnect internet from your house you know disconnect from the entire city so I teach about the responsible use of Wi-Fi but not while my daughter has a laptop which uses for her homework and sometimes for music that I don't even see what happens even in my own house I love it I have made that type of a song but they suddenly like about it she doesn't try to hide we never taught her that we can hide from each other but so long as we hide from each other is mercy that's exactly even generations artists will do because you don't produce who you want you produce who you are you produce your type every single parent would want to produce great children in reality you don't produce who you desire you produce your own type you produce your own kind you reproduce yourself in their lives eliminate the passwords or disclose the passwords and you will never have to discuss emotional Affairs that are the woman or that other man of course sometimes we have differences intellectual interests because when you are single and you are not married you are fascinated about that other partner many particular very visual and this should be a secret for women to know for the single women in our midst when you cover up when you cover yourself up you leave everyone wondering what else is behind the clothes when you remove everything the water is gone the fear comes you know the Bible says you have both fear friend wonderful me you remove the Wanda and immediately introduce the fear of who gosh is like this and the flaws are magnified now you get married that you are still facility during honeymoon it's not practical every time and I know some of you may be and easily that what I'm going to use it is not practical every time you see this naked woman to start feeling a hard erection reading for the job hallelujah it is not possible you saw how many times sometimes you realize that the gadget is not working even after all the touch that's why I suggest the ladies as we just go by please avoid wearing funny t-shirt at night they scare away your husband you scare him off head he goes oh and it may take him two days before he's up again but if you start dressing in goodnight dresses and hot perfumes chances are that Monsieur begin to change because unless you come up with such tricks and also join us in the high sea cruises sometimes it requires you like I can see a couple of people who it means Singapore and I don't know what was happening the ship but I'm very suspicious people that can euro you know I was with him even in Egypt worried him in Singapore and you can imagine when you stick in a glass of wine with his waiver the cool breeze he left me wondering what was happening after that you if you're just eating a variant or may not sometimes if your husband is thinking of going to a doctor to be given some some tablets just try an outing it doesn't have to be a cruise it can just be Karuna walk try something different and compare knows not even if it works these things work you've got to trick yourself to reignite the aging it'll get order each time I do remember this is genius never changed this can happen to spouses who are not fascinated or awed by their partners it is not just about sexual interests you may be like your partner's afraid but there's not more passion for being together what do you do you don't have to take everything I'm telling yours gospel truth if you again my last meeting I taught so much again is that you should never be a captive of anyone's teachings a hundred percent don't be a follower be a student don't take anyone's advice as orders don't allow in on to order your life make sure whatever you do is a product of your own conclusions listen process the information if it makes you to pas de ed wonder and you can apply it in your life run with it because we begin to change when we applied the knowledge we receive but simply because it was shared by a priest or by a professor or by a white man doesn't make it gospel truth you've got to be very clear with your TrueNorth your guiding philosophy so that when someone they aggresses from the true north you can see it from a distance and you still the same values in your children but don't draw a the baby the bathwater either extreme is dangerous and there isn't sometimes we get paranoia over this is because we do not define our own true north your indivisible minimums every information you listen listen reach out like curiosity like masters process over it filter before you allow it to sink in your system so I suggest tonight look for things that may trigger you as a spouse to reunite your fire once more don't be two minutes of a roller coaster just reporting a lot of people who are married for many years in the even in the only report how was your date or agrees like that and you continually part about projects but you never take time to discuss about each other and to appreciate each other's nose and eyes who will appreciate that guy nobody in the office will comment about you is nobody they wink about your business input then this isn't a true guys so if your woman cannot appreciate that too we're ever do it Street girls mmm you don't make it what you don't see other girls will see number five money unfortunately the only thing Jesus it compete with God is money Jesus said you cannot serve two masters you can serve goddddd money or he coded the god of money mammoth of all things that our Savior could have mentioned he singled out money scripture says 1st Timothy 6:10 the love of money is the root of all evil and here's the big question money has a way of always making life in a better or even worse there is no middle ground here there are two extremes depending whether you have an emotional attachment with money are you dissatisfied with how much income your spouse is making do you feel like you could be doing better in someone else now this may be a nagging not even hearing me talk about this I'll tell you what I've done it's very hard for many of you to buy I know I have had a lot of men argued my monies for projects and my wife's money is for the kitchen and the vegetables and for sure we see the food but five years later we can see the projects from the man he said his monies for projects are the projects that dude a lot of people including in this live audience over eighty percent of her people have ever talked to in marriage this is a very divisive issue she has her account and her property and her houses in her land from a biblical perspective whether you buy it or not I'll have told you the truth there is no how money or my money it's our money it's our bank account I keep my mom we take care of her a hundred percent but I have never sent her a single coin in our entire marriage life Massey does it we agreed long ago any money going to a home go through her any money going to her home goes through me we sent a strong signal to appearance both sides we are one and it cannot come in between but you know there isn't one most of you have side assets than you would care to admit tonight is because it's an out scheme it's a plan B just in case they're doing backfires then have a simple ad in there you can't device an escape route that you're not going to use someday so long as you have an escape route you're going to make use of it destroy your plan B and your plan is gonna work from a biblical perspective naked and not ashamed we don't have this property and that property it's our children there's nothing like a mother-in-law in marriage our mother our land our career our account one item even children must never come between you two children a part of the family they are not part of the marriage number six abusive or controlling relationship the reason I drew the word children many places I could have married semanas a lot of men have confessed that after taking children to school especially until college then the woman thinks the guy's role in my life is over I'm not talking about women from nearly in particular just talking about women now you know I went somewhere to teach about marriage to be honest also short at the end of a meeting the very first question that night shocked me guy lifts up his son and says doc please tell me these days after we educate our children these women are killing us am I still safe that didn't surprise me that question means apprise me what surprised me about the question it was asked in a church - the church meeting here your combined some of you go to church only during Christmas but this was a church meeting you can imagine about that and I'm hearing it from a brother in the Lord and the syste has married for so many years was in the hall let me make it clear he was not joking you know money is the root of all evil and nothing has separated nations torn countries Tony d'Ovidio stone families than the love of money now number six abusive or controlling relationships if you ever felt like your partner is trying to control you in any way materially sexually or otherwise it is based off a conversation about it at its early stages at times your spouse may not even be aware all you need to do is to invade them they might be controlling you or trying to manipulate you or they may not you're making an assumption number seven priorities change you know you met someone in their 20s are you expecting them to remain the same that doesn't happen to change as human change in fortunes change in seasons change in priorities you marry the husband was in business and in his 40s or 50s you ought to get into politics and you get nervous who didn't get into politics it's people like your husband you married somebody you even head and Pargo a car with him let alone they decide to become a pastor and I'm not talking of a good pastor hmm what are you going to do these things happen to people is that not true do you know nobody is born mad they are children who are born but no one is born mad madness comes with years you don't know whether you will get mad sorry marriage is a lifetime of togetherness and as a dividuals our priorities in life to change all the time if you don't have a successful marriage and avoid any reason for divorce learn to understand each other's priorities in different seasons of your lives because they keep changing don't expect your partner to stay the same forever when I decided to launch central non life Club the greatest encouragement ahead was mussed encouraging me but she could have chosen not to do this so that we lead a quiet life this has drained me emotionally let me tell you this than anything I know for me to continue to organize Saturday meetings sometimes neighbors can't even compensate for it all I quorum of doing for next month dr. Kennedy unionist speakers award for 28th of July the first give them giving arrays a car laptops phones I've committed a couple of millions for this project some of the things I've done has trained us financially have trains train us emotionally I thank God that we had agreed on some key principles on how to communicate and how to converse when we began our life it was quiet and out in the public domain and these things happen please keep on shifting masa has had to make a lot of sacrifices some things we wanted to buy some of them we forego because of this ministry and here are some of the questions who receive support your partner at such times and sometimes marriages collapse because of addictions Kenya in particular we are lucky we don't have many smokers like the West but we are very addicted to occur as a nation especially to Tosca and it's good to find out why you're addicted maybe you're running away from stress at home or at work in every single habit no matter how big it is they're all malleable I suggest strongly please look for my video noonas new beginnings go through it I think I'm more you than past us but I'll pray for you today I'd expect a change overnight if you have been smoking for sixty years it doesn't happen overnight sometimes the process has to be managed I'm the kind of a guy who pray for you to receive Christ and still allow you to smoke for the next one month pastor that's true he can't accept it he believes in instant change and it does for some people it doesn't happen for some people I'm not talking about smoking in particular but I'm talking about habits because habits making your hot you repeatedly do and some of them do not break overnight I'll never forget all speak in a meeting in the in London it was a church meeting and a lady came for prayers a white woman I made a note Acorah white woman came when I went to pray for them I almost fell the stench was too much then I began to realize even when I was preaching this woman was going out of the chat to smoke so she did it even during the sermon about three or four times so how do we do we receive them in Christ and we thoroughly habilitated them we don't judge we don't condemn them so I've given you a way of overcoming habits of course free or free my question is which of these eight areas do you need to work on maybe it's only one maybe it's only two are you still with me I learned in anything you can be joining us every Valentine you can budget in advance because the budget is small as the same it's important to invest in your marriage is important to invest in your relationships all I talk about a very critical aspect of marriage tonight lasting love is tested by a couple of things that I want to look at 12 things that test love I call them the grid D and the greatest D is caught distance I don't know who is here tonight but it's possible almost half of us here we have a spouse either walking away or walking away for a long period of time for example you are in marketing maybe in insurance you are in from a cuticle or the dishes you make you want to go for further studies I'll tell you my conviction about this physical distance creates emotional distance you can argue about it but time will tell Massey's family holidays the high school principal he got an opportunity to do his master's degree in cabbage university he turned down the offer for the sake of the marriage many times he was given promotion by the teacher service commission to be a principal far away from home he refused he finally became a principal not so long ago maybe ten years ago he's retiring in a few months he got this position when he was about to retire but was given a school where he wanted where he could commit from home so yes he may have lost the money that my father has he may have lost the degree that my father has but that family is together if I tell you the impact it has had on my family the devastating impact you cannot even believe I can't even believe to explain to you tonight but most likely that's what made me to start this ministry what I'm doing I asked Massey a question besides you helping me in my work would you want to start a business she'd or Druitt and she decided to start a business in the beauty sector simply because she likes her nails too much and it is the main reason why we got married because one day one way the university also the back screen and worshipping in the Christian Union and I saw somebody praising God and then I realize I was not worshipping by there in my first contact with masa was no spiritual it was her Neil's prayers came later I thought they're convincing God why it has to be her so Hinata whether shows to do any business she chose the news business today she's very careful with her nails I'm not and don't be offended they don't interviewed my Simone so don't worry so long story short she learned the first shop at tomboy I took seven months to break even her second shop West trans Cristiano same time God blessed it 15 days break even because most of our customers came from Safari coming and then be a shara street and then Krishna center of 100 employees and I can tell you this she still make the same money she's making when chosen Safaricom if not more and I tell you the Bible says when two people are together in harmony the Bible calls it preference someone that had three God come at our blessing you will not lose when you work together I've had the privilege of best in three Kappas and because one of them is in the hall I'll mention about him he has been my associate most of you know him trust us we had the best cup of the Rastas and much and they are with us here Maja's at the back they went through the same thing like us they walk in the same organization one was in here he was in eerie shows in gear gear and I remember when we were going through premarital counseling with him we didn't make this decision for them they had already told us one of them has to be sign but they are not going to operate their marriage with a hundred and fifty kilometers between them I can tell you all my personal relatives some of them very educated and high in power but they are families did not even last five years simply because they were obsessed with their careers their choices in your hands physical distance creates emotional distance the second divas gonna test you wisdom adds sexual demands financial demands lifestyle demands some demands a good most of them are selfish true love doesn't demand it loves the demand to be loved is the most arrogant please function you can ever have the mud carry out threat of punishment you see if you refuse me you regret and the mud depends on power you see the problem with a lot of marriages may assume that power is wasted in a certain individual please understand it married from a biblical perspective power is shared there is a leader the man is the leader not to abuse power but to take responsibility it is hurry as true man who put up a sign in the presidential office the buck stops here dear Kenyans you may not like what I'm going to tell you we've been having a huge debate about corruption my personal conviction is that president Uhuru needs to get serious President Truman they were going through the same in the US during the Depression didn't order to hurry as Truman decided the buck stops with me I have seen Kenyans literally orbit traffic crews in the UK and they Canyon break all rules the same Kenyans and I confess I've also been addicted I remember even a tiny country once we went with masa to see shows and I followed every single rule and I confessed to you regrettably I've broken some rules here why I know I can walk away with it so this whole agenda of corruption it's not about Kenya to blame and I know that's what you want to convince yourself because of in tribal let's just be real if the president gets serious it will end when we went to Singapore with our team here even a single chewing gum was not holding the streets of Singapore if he gets serious he'll cascaded down to his cabinet secretaries and Pierce's that truth is there's big talk from our president that is not serious now the truth in your marriage you have also to decide as a man the black stops with you unless you do that that married you never flourish you've got to decide if it afield it's me I said in public I said it on TV if can you do this family breaks never ever bring must never blame it on I take full ahead percent responsibility unless you take that leadership as a man don't come here and want me to say you are leader but you're not taking responsibilities leadership is about responsibility so you can't start in a national TV and act helpless or blame other bodies for fighting corruption I can't in corruption or DPP the blood must stop somewhere every country that changed it is not because the people are holier than Kenyans is because our leader changed if that marriage does not work every man here in my voice it's you in the church fails Jesus takes responsibility jesus said I will build my church and the gates of Hell shall not prevail against it he did not reduce the success of a church to any past our prophet he took total responsibility God does not just take responsibility about your existence he even brought about it before you were formed in your mother's womb I knew you Jeremiah I knew you Monica I knew you Peter I take responsibility for your very existence before you are formed in your mother's soup every husband listening to me you have to take that kind of responsibility like Christ took and say I will build my family and the gates of Hell shall not prevail against it this is another day that's gonna test you cote de lys relocating is taking too long to build a house he's taking too long to conceive a child you've written for too long and some couples are separated because the gift of child has taken too long changing behavior because maybe one spouse is a drunk and you're getting too tired with it and you're about to wave the white flag of surrender or encourage it tonight in marriage delays are not denials hold on you have a higher chance in your first marriage than subsequent marriages you'll be just a banner daddy got differences differences make us complement each other not two people have the same reality at times one of growth the other partner focus on similarities not on the differences some of these differences are all creation you go back for further studies and leave your wife behind maybe something you don't know my wife went for her master's before me the only reason I cleared my masters before her is because she changed her course so they ahead I'm saying it because I'm ni is a cure taking away for further studies and for the avoidance of doubt when I pee and my PhD Massey enrolled the other day that's gonna affect our marriage is called effects we all have custom design flaws you know sometimes they were covered by clothes and when you get married they come out but these flaws make us unique there is no person except Eve and ADA who are Hardy percent perfect there will be a people you don't like stop behaving like a teenager live your life like an adult lira is that flow makes you unique if you had a passing puppet took a captain a ship in dunya Iike Kalika so done God for some of these defects but they should not define you for me I have a defect of my own Christian I stole my father's bicycle nausea in those days we were never used to pick up earrings bicycles and the bricks got somewhere on my left leg almost half of it and the problem is that I could not even report it because of the beating and I had to act strong and walk strong when my foot was rotting mean puzzles emphasize each other's defects great Capo's emphasize each other's strengths now don't worry about my defect long ago I got over it and some people might give them those unnecessary premiums the next discord out Delta money's from lack of disclosures and and disclosure I am talking of two things if you can disclose your time and your money your perfect your time and your expenses you know as a mentor you can tell me your priorities but if I really really want to know your priorities I don't want to hear your stories I just want to look at your budget and your schedule and that's why those who go through twelve hours of transformation one of the exercises I take them through is developing the day prototype their masterpiece I honestly don't believe this any human being has ever listened to me who should not go through the class on purpose truthful human comes when you connect with your purpose and what you do is what you love what you love is what you do there's not conflict between what you do and what you love if that is not the case you'll continually hate Monday mornings because you're up to something you hate but you must do it because of the abuse and other realities what I'm doing tonight the only reason I'm going to finish this discussion is your time not my time this is my oxygen I'm living in my purpose and tomorrow morning I'll be speaking at ACK st. James and I'll be speaking again in the afternoon I don't Sunday because I'm living my purpose meantime do not leave your wife or your husband guessing about your money and your time there is not a single time in my marriage when Massey did not know where I was with who doing what their choices in your hands happiness will never come to you happiness we don't account from you no one can make you happy these are choice you have to make do the choices we make every day if you make these disclosures you not have to deal with doubt it's another be called despair prolonged uncertainties breed despair for example you never indicate when you're going to settle to put up a home or to buy one you've lost a job anyone can understand that but you're hiding in the house watching TV the whole day without giving direction anyone who get exhausted with time so when we get desperate from the way we get our despair then this becomes a major crack in our marriage now defeat some come in your marriage not if between I'm not even concerned that you're going to succeed I'm only concerned that you're going to fail from time to time and I'm not a prophet of doom at all speakers don't lecture Libya failures I gonna share one of my failures right now in fact if you have a meeting on be successful don't listen to their success story it's Allah de Lune it's in the public domain listen to their failures that's only the only time you can know how do we reach where they are some of you have come to our meetings at KCC some of our meetings like the one we did September last year KCC too that there was no such a meeting entire year last year and some of you again came 22nd of March this year the entire Sabha Horus part and it's possible sometimes you think dr. Kennedy saw his experience in these levels of success whenever he calls for a meeting the way Accord this meeting I didn't ask anyone to come in particular by your name I never invited in Iran for your name but you're here it's possible for you to come here look at the guy studying there and think this is always the case I'll tell you the truth I have failed miserably but one of the reason we hold these meetings monthly which most likely very few people dare to do this it is because I've come to terms with failure period I'll never forget calling for a meeting at Windsor for couples this particular meeting I wanted to host 40 couples I had paid food in advance with food is not two shillings can I tell you the truth - couple stand-up not 21 - the food is cooked we are there is massive smile in every show 84 people the way they normally come I go for meetings people come so we are very relaxed I joined each other and waiting for the Capo's it was an executive dinner so we expect in high senior guys and some of them are the one who pushed us I remember one see you kept on pushing mercy we don't want to come to Liddy and tell us call us where you belong say okay don't worry we're organized let me tell you this I remember at 7 o'clock because this was supposed to be six o'clock the two couples are still there and him about 7 o'clock I took my say we have to call all our friends you remember the story in the Bible where the host had to call his friends the fat guy Akkad of the Rastas and Madrid I said where are you I don't care you ask trop what you're doing come eat food when I caught Dennis Dennis was far away Nagata I'm not listening to any story tonight just come eat come with culinary I'm paying for 40 mils ate a meal sorry it was 40 Capo's and paying for ATM use Anastas Kim thank God that we you have some friends who t stick closer than a brother Dennis Kim I caught a few guys from Rue des for free now of course because a couple's dinner hour hour to do this I have a lot of failure stories if I if this was a material discussion about success in Syria I'll discuss a lot of video stories but the good thing is this they never defined me but more importantly they do not change my massive support for me because a lot of women would have argued we have wasted a lot of money and forget the great success stories even abroad I've gone through a disappointment you always think when people go abroad and they post pictures get into a plane your rethink everything is grossing oh my god I'll never forget going to Manchester have you ever been invited by a joker [Laughter] we went to Manchester were invited by this guy from Malawi a pastor from Malawi you're so excited I'm going to meet a new audience and an Kenyan audience whoa where where the taxi left us and it was late at night we had left London by train but in Atlantic we reached there at around 1 p.m. it was worse than our students hostels in fact the guy who carried us from the train station to the hotel for some reason thought we are not good sleeper hated us you just confirmed our rating ataxia yeah what's wrong with this guy as a schema see his job was to drop us is he a crook he should be living and I got agitated a little no no no your job was just to drop us in the hotel when you you go my dear were coming from a Hilton in London then we this dye job there's no receptionist just a street poverty not know how to operate the computer to check whether we a book team and then I say to my God where did I said that at the guy let me tell you this we have had a lot of drama every great person you know has a lot of drama they have only learned how to toughen the skin and to pretend the experiences they have converted their lemons into sweet lemonade not the truth I'm saying this it's not about whether you're going to feel I'm concerned with what you're going to do when failure knocks my message for you fight til or trouble with us away disappointments will come your way money do expectations embrace the spirit of gratitude the spirit of gratitude is the highest of all human emotions least down what God has given you before you complain about your marriage there are so many single ladies who are looking for a husband and when you do you take him for granted link the blessings you have before you talk about your conference and begin to magnify what you have focus on what you have not what you don't have human wants can never be satisfied they in searchable via address focus on the human needs sometimes we might be hit by depression and depression can come from low self-esteem or it you're rejected in your workplace you went for an interview you applied for a bead and it didn't go through you applied for a visa you couldn't get grief loss a business went in fire Terrell is truck sometimes you had and money goes into flames because of a bulldozer from the government that was expanding roads all these things he true cop was like you and maybe one of us here has gone through that there could be many ways of doing it but I know some of these things go away because you discuss them you vent out when you're able to tell your story without crying then you know your field exercising regularly does reduce the stress levels because it releases endorphins the feel-good hormones have enough sleep don't be on your tablets and screens before sleeping because they are sleep deep Travis read a hard book don't read it like you're reading for an examination to complete just read for inspiration you can do a chapter a day in my house we read a chapter of the Bible with my kids every day before they sleep when you have night meetings the first Friday of every month I still pray for them even when they are sound asleep and we realized something when I don't do that my son in particular gets disturbed and he doesn't sleep soundly so even even even someone in a coma hear me this even someone in a common in hospital still go there lay hands on them and pray for them believe me they may not respond me no bring their eye but they can hear those blessings just pray for them by faith I know it's a - what I've done it even in a hospital bed and people come out later and say you prayed for us you stood with us it does work so pray for your kids even before they are born for those of you who are - planning to enhance the population of Kenya pray for them even before they arrive here it's another day that me test your code disease regrettably this break some couples they're people who part because somebody was crippled and finally the last day the worst of them or death this you may not stop but you can connect with the giver of life you can connect with the life and the direction that gives you the greatest mystery of all times that we will never be able to explain Christ in us the hope of glory this is the reason he came that is God will never be concerned one day with how much you committed adultery you never be concerned with how much you drunk you never be concerned with how much you mattered he'll be concerned with whether Christ is in you this is a mystery I can't explain it is a deep secret but this is the only truth that we keep sinning but so long as Christ dwells in you you've got hope of glory you'll be tested by all these days lasting love makes right choices but I just tell you about six of them love produces feelings but love is not a feeling love is a choice you choose to love if love was a feeling it will not be a biblical command the reason has was a commanded to love me always and God never come at women to love their husbands God never gives a command what he sees in nature he doesn't command parents to love their children but it does command you to read them up in the ways of the Lord and not to provoke them into Inga because God has already sylheti nature even in the mammalian Kingdom animals Mother's in particularly their children naturally but because husbands love is not natural that's why it's a command is not a feeling he's not your natural you've got to do it by purpose that Lea Latin love accepts both assets and liabilities Marie doesn't just bring assets but it does bring also what liabilities too often we focus on what we don't have tonight I add you focus on what you have not on the flows of your partner and your weaknesses and before lasting love needs investment believe me friends any fool can fall in love it takes the mature to stay in love only the wise can stay in love anyone even a teenager can fall in love if you are fallen in love so what the real question is are you able to stay in love sometimes I hear a lot of African men saying we don't give flowers we are African it is not within our culture shame on you why do you give flowers when they die why are you about to give flowers to a dead body is it African to give flower to the dead out rather you give me flowers and I'm still alive I know the men listening to me here holy you don't give flowers because it's a Western culture but if she dies you bring flowers we need them when you steal and I don't necessarily mean just flowers but even chocolates they were made for women God invented supermarkets for women let them go and do shopping you may not understand what it is but just let her go shop take her to a gym follow me as I follow Christ Christ paid the price for you pay the price for your wife the best outfits my wife yes I buy them I'm serious and I don't ask about her size I know there are some men who love breast sizes for me I don't care their sizes I know her size cliegg area Healy T how do you fail to know the size of what you have do every day but if you don't know the size that could mean you just go to other business we don't go you don't go through the entire geography you go straight to real that was for last year let's do it laughs trusts when you don't trust people you limit them they go an extra mile to prove to you that the untrustworthy even in business when you trust your employees they go an extra mile to show you that they can be trusted when you don't trust them they will go an extra mile to show you that it cannot be trusted never set a signal to your spouse that you don't trust them you see every time you encourage someone you defeat the enemy number six true love extends grace we are both imperfect we need to instead grace on our partners flows irritate us lastly love disregards flows grace and forgiveness and the foundation of lasting love a marriage is a union of two forgive us to our is to human we keep making mistakes we stay together simply because we have learned forgiveness I believe with all my heart there is no love without forgiveness God loved us so he forgive us our sins his love is expressed in us in the father has forgiven us from eternal condemnation without forgiveness he cannot talk of love without forgiveness there is no love one major component of love is forgiveness you can't forgive if you're not offended so offense will come you in their question is are you willing to forgive forgiveness is not for the weak forgiveness is a virtue for the brief you know you're strong when you're able to forgive the weak never forgive if you have been struggling to forgive then know from today you have a serious weakness that you need to work on if you're seated to an opposite gender tell him Aloha Esther son Greece baby extend some grace I'm just human except some grace tell them we need some grease exterior to us correct this whole thing about love is not just in Christianity but it's also emphasized in classical literature and I wanna ask this how many when the winds cool did Romeo and Juliet oh I can see my colleagues here oh yes a very young now I want to extract something for you that happened during the famous balcony scene of the play Romeo and Juliet Romeo begins to produce love for Juliet to these words now I like to request every man listening to me please let three together the words in red that's Shakespeare English for what I'll swear by the moon that tips you know these gates are the balconies so there are some fruits out there so in this light of the moon was flashing the trees they were looking like silver it's tipping so this is a guy making a bow to a woman now I want every lady to read what is inlaid here and I think Juliet was light because the moon keeps changing Chris sent quota ha so if your love will be like the moon well then being sad week I don't know in this kind of a love I need something like the Sun something that does not keep changing the shape I can't predict the shape of the moon that's what Juliet is saying meaning she's right do you think so there is nothing material but love it is not based on whims feelings or passing fancies love is rock solid intent or benefiting I want us to look Club at God's perspective and I closed the meeting what does it really mean not love never treated the limb of our meeting tonight what does it really mean love never fails if we can define love from God's perspective I can call it a day right and I want us to read together I will give you some 14 definitions the first one let's read together love is patient that means you can wait for the others you don't just look at your own clock you also look at your spouse's clock number two love is kind if you're loving you can open the car door for her you can carry that back let me tell you what we do know a house I don't like shopping it's another thing that can make be admitted to ICU so what do I do when our daughter was young I used to carry on what decoding stories when she got older she became more difficult for me than the matter in terms of shopping because the mother would take about an hour this girl can take three hours smelling things in the supermarket remember this being can make me sick so I negotiated with Emma receipt can I be with for you at the coffee shop with my son as you do the shopping and they agreed now I have been unable even to it for them in a coffee shop their least has been green by the day so what do I do when they come home in shopping I carried a shopping I don't even colleague co-workers I carried a shop into the house even if it doesn't mean much to her I have to pretend to be participating in shopping because love is kinda you know what Tom I'm not dr. caiyue when I go my kids don't care that I'm in a suit they come jumping at me and people are more important than suits these things can be taken to the dry cleaner but if you keep blocking them for your suits not to crease then you keep losing people number three love is it does not love does not envy that means a celebrity in the success of my partner read with me again a before there's no problem if you ever sit with a mentor who tells you for two hours about his own achievements swap him up for a mentor who focuses on you through the web about home don't just a bit about one individual even if you've done it as an individual you must let your spouse know of what you have jointly done together let it be a joint effort or seem to be a joint effort because indeed it is let's read together number five it does not dishonor us meaning little on us others it honors the spouse that is to speak in high regard number six it's not self-seeking that means seeking the interest of the other person whether it's about bad matters whether it's about career development the interest of the other person comes first Philippians 2:3 consider others better than yourselves look at your neighbor tell them you're better than now e better than I that's the spirit in the scriptures number seven it's not easily that means it can be angered God gets annoyed he gets angry and he created us in his own image but he goes to tell us don't let the Sun go down when you're still angry number 8 the only made your husband where he filled last year how he did not do shopping during Christmas for your mother you know women a lot of them have a blessed memory which is biased towards remembering only the wrongs I encourage you fade away of deleting that record of wrongs number 9 rejoice this you the truth oh I always knew you're going to film that's reducing with evil then you could be are too hard can be a rocket a sexy to lead you are too but love rejoices with the truth it is celebrates when you succeed number 10 together now I decided to put the word always in bored always not sometime if you ever suspect may mess with anything don't ever make a mistake or telling me you embarrass yourself because I'm not commissioned you or anyone who will ever be born to be Mary Porter I understood something about marriage long ago always protects if you ever caught on the wrong road Jean and you come to me are actually accuse you of doing what you're telling me and I had you to have the same spirit why do you have people reporting to you about your partner how can they have the audacity to tell you you have opened an unnecessary we do number 11 always trust not just in church not just Christmas no just when you're in happy mood not just when you have received a payment from your client always trust number 12 always hook they will be a better tomorrow we don't have cash right now but we're gonna get it by August by disabled in three years time they'll be breakthrough you're always hoping things are going to be better things are going to improve that's love where there is last you want everything attended right now with a sense of urgency where there's true love you'll always hope for a better tomorrow together and that's why some of the most stable relationships on the face of the earth are people who started together early struggle together not somebody who made things only they worked out at whatever state you come together it can work it doesn't matter so Renaud these principles are clear always persevere why these will not always work out the way you want number 14 on the last one and the most important who in this lab audience knows where I got this from this is not my original who can tell first Corinthians 13 now look at the screen this is verse 4 all the way to that full stop and this is verse 5 that's why I wrote it was sixth ostia verse 7 there was 8 study those words love never fails how come love never fails the other question before us how come love never fails now look at this God tells something dangerous to hacia the Prophet bring her back even though she's adulterous how can God a holy prophet to stay with a woman with an adulteress how can someone love like this but God had already demonstrated it in the past Rahab was a prostitute she's in the language of the master because she just believed in God's Word by hiding her servants when they went to spy the land so God believes in people that you reject I don't know how many of India slave audience if you met me at Kananga Street been kids entertained with kisses on their feet how many who never come for this meeting again but once such a woman 2,000 years ago was kissing the master because he did not have a mask that will a query and he thought if this man was a prophet he should have known this woman is a prostitute he annoyed the mother more by going to the puzzle with stolen than the rest Zacchaeus and then they see if this man was a prophet he should have known that this guy's a crook he has to learn from all of us but Jesus a nun said this is the reason why I came I didn't come for the hole I came for the sake that's the reason the physician came and that the essence of sense on one nightclub here we don't judge anyone we are people of different faiths I teach God's Word in the marketplace because everyone belongs to God's kingdom some of you have not hearkened to his call and I'll continue to call you to him one thing I will show you in this place we will never judge you whether you respond to Christ as Savior Lord or not we'll continue we're coming you whether you are Muslim whether you're novice love message is God's message how can someone knock like that I'll tell you how what does it really mean love never fails I want to show you from scriptures can we read together business [Music] now look at this open your eyes if you can whoever does not love does not know God because God is does God feel God does not feel and God is love so God never feel so love never fuels for love is God and God is love this is the only known where it's acquitted with God we have many attributes for God but none of it God is the Prince of Peace for example he is eternal many attributes but one thing goes out God God is love he fought there minitex maybe I could only pull two so we know and rely on the love God has for us god is love whoever lives in love lives in God and God in him that's why love is God I don't know how to love without God and if you've been trying to love or do you struggle to love for so long until you fight Christ fully in you you will struggle to laugh for you do not have love within you for Christ is love and love is Christ that is his name love is his name [Music]

Channel: Dr. K. N. Jacob

Views: 43,767

Rating: 4.8424015 out of 5

Keywords: how to love, best love message, how to succeed in marriage, marriage movie, love songs, love movie, marriage counselling, marriage proposal, marriage sermon

Id: eeHUgVXV6ng

Length: 111min 25sec (6685 seconds)

Published: Sat Aug 18 2018