Love Never Fails Best Marriage Tips - Dr. K. N. Jacob

look at your neighbor eyeball to eyeball tell him with a sword love never fails sorry i'm starting on a third note about divorce and because there's no marriage that graduates from divorce i just want to give you a little bit of some 10 countries and check the divorce rates just to check on yourself as at last year these are the latest statistics sorry february this year only 47 marriages in the u.s make it 53 percent end up in divorce in france 55 percent in cuba 56 percent in estonia 58 look them back which is right now number one per capita in the world only 40 percent of marriages make it spain 63 percent the czech republic 66 please understand i'm talking of divorce rates not the ones that make it so in hungary we are saying that 30 percent of all marriages fail portugal 68 belgium 71 percent only 29 of all marriages in belgium succeed and what they should tell you is this this is a growing dynamic we don't have concrete figures from this side of the world i would definitely have preferred to give you kenyan statistics perhaps this is a challenge to the researchers in our middle east whether one of us can take this challenge or whether we can sponsor it essential one life club in check because perhaps the statistics are not very different in a city like nairobi marriages are more stable in our country but the odds are very high one in every two marriages in this country stands a chance to divorce what i want to suggest tonight i checked some other statistics of those who engage in the second marriage under that marriage specifically in the united states because almost always when people divorce these days and nike nation days they definitely want to get into another relationship and this is what i found out from mark 2012 in those days 50 percent of our first marriages in the us ended up in divorce today it's 53 back 2012 we are talking of 50 percent but many of these guys decided to remarry 67 of the second marriages ended up in divorce but most of them went for that marriage 73 percent or that marriages end up in divorce what's the message you have a higher chance to succeed in your first marriage than subsequent fantasies and fallacies what do you think you're going to do with another girl or another man why can't you do it now in the current relationship it's always easier to solve the issues you have right now than to start a new relationship because you're the same person getting into subsequent relationships and you'll take the same issues and you take marriage less accurate in subsequent relationships than in the first relationship because once you learn to break a covenant it becomes your new no you continually break covenants and most people end up becoming more careless in second relationships but you know i receive a lot of emails and hozups people tell me but doc i have a lot of pain you have no clue what i've gone through in my first marriage then don't waste the pain you've already gone through a lot of pain stop wasting it at least get out of it with something work out your marriage and the same people who tell me that and write long emails i ask them a question when is the last time you went for a marriage seminar have you ever looked for a consular when did you talk with your best couple or a priest no it's too expensive to come for a marriage seminar let me ask you how much is your happiness worth because the moment you break peace with your relationships you have no peace i've spent an entire career researching and speaking and teaching on success and the two leading causes of stress on this planet is money and relationships of course in africa it's money number one the number two relationships in the west relationship is the first thing it is strange that while we are heartbroken by relationships we hardly invest in relationships you pay for your children in expensive schools at expensive holidays and none of these things will substitute for investing in your marriage when erastus was asking you a question when is the last time you went for a marriage seminar i'm glad that you're honest to confess many of you this is your very first time others they do it sporadically if there's a nigerian pastor visiting with unique prophecies so my idea for us you've got to invest in your relationship because nothing works unless it's caused to work over the years whenever i've talked to couples about marriage the two major arguments i've come across is that every man complains i don't feel respected i don't feel honored and the very first complaint i receive from women i don't feel loved anymore i don't think he loves me any longer i think it's gone so this has been the debate when the man doesn't feel respected he doesn't love the wife when she doesn't feel loved she doesn't respect the man it's a crazy cycle even last year and years behind i decided to ask men what exactly do you mean by respect and i also decided to ask women what exactly do you mean by love what do you mean by that i would have done that exercise tonight but i have too much to cover to give you that opportunity and those of you who've come in my married terminus in the past we have gone through this exercise so i'll give you a little bit of what women told me and what men told me just in summary so i asked women what do you mean by love what is love to you and this is what they told me her definition of love first i want him to spend quality time with me that means if you don't spend college time with your wife to her you don't love her men don't get this because they are not social they are alpha males looking for money what has love to do with my love for you i have paid the school fees for children i bought you a house i have even bought your mother shopping every month that's your definition as a man that's not her definition her definition is quality time that's her love language women tell me i want to receive a phone call during the day the average man can't understand this how i'm working i want to be updated for long i never understood why my mercy wanted to understand what i ate for lunch for heavenly sake how do you remember that women want attention they want someone who can listen to them and this is interpreted to mean love let me explain this guys when you ask them how was your day a woman doesn't want fine she wants details she wants you to explain who you met why where where they don't want comparison and they don't want you to express interest of any other woman don't even pretend to be noticing other women sometimes men we fall into this temptation of comparing them with another person's size another person's calmness and composure and you say you're not as composed as the terrorist wife you're not as supportive as a rasta's wife to women when you take care of children they feel loved when you do homework with children when you drop them to school and pick them in the evening the average man can't understand what has this to do with romance but every time you drop your child to school and do homework with them you're already even preparing your night i also don't understand it but that's their definition how many women in this life audience have received a gift from their husband in the last two months another received a gift one had their two three quite a couple wow a lot of women told me they weren't surprises they weren't chocolates my mother in particular likes white chocolate let me tell you junior if you buy massive brown chocolate you've lost it you've got to find her love language how she likes white chakras and for the men in our middle east if god has given you a wife with an expensive taste that's an opportunity for blessing don't worry it's an opportunity for blessing she wants outings for me i purpose for my last 15 years about six months now 15 years we have done this every week even when she was extremely pregnant we've done this every single week outing is not a question of money it's a decision it's a choice she wants to be consulted don't give surprises or property you're buying somewhere changing jobs deals your cutting so that you don't come home empty-handed she wants to be involved in the process she wants you to assist with home choice let me make a disclaimer here i'm very poor in this but that's not massey's love language there are some women here who want you to fix ugali with omena there are some women here who don't want you in the kitchen is that a fact what is important is that we can't pick these things in wholesale is to understand your woman's love language that's what is important for example my wife likes me to hold her hands it doesn't matter where we are whether we're in the city center in my last talk at mount kiliman one woman and one man told me they don't like coding hats at all it makes both of them feel very uneasy so why hold her now daily compliments there are some people here who say they came as couples let me just speak vida tradon one two three where is your wife has he told you today love you today i'm not asking at night no man forgets to stay at night remember this we have no problem saying it at night they are not domestics i'm asking during the day has he say that fantastic there are two hands here where is your wife has he said that today you guys know how to play politics now let's just let me try this holy site this side is always holding how many came as couples where's your wife at your sitter together my goodness god is doing something new in kenya as he said today love you not yet oh not yet until the lights go out another one let's get one or two more yes how does he say that not yet goodness who taught you people politics not yet why haven't i brought you here you're supposed to interpret that to me but most women told me they want to hear verbally let me tell every man listening to me here tonight your thoughts don't bless her your wife wants to hear you saying i love you love has to be expressed love is not just action but it must be spoken it must be expressed at least that is one thing that almost every woman told me let me give a warning i'll never forget in the year 2010 i was training for the ministry of water on performance management countrywide it was a huge project and i was going different towns at some point in ketui town i decided to interrupt myself for two hours and ruin some soft skills and and i always do this no matter who invites me to speak on technical skills i'll always try to equip guys with some soft skills because that's what counts at the end of the day so i told these guys please make a phone call to your wife wherever she could be or your husband and say i love you today they got excited one guy got so historical he invited me and said doc i just want you to listen to me call my wife so he called the wife and now speaker i love you i've missed you she began to scream on phone what's wrong with you what has happened you know she had never had it for 23 years so if you have not seen it for 23 years start musmus they might wonder what you're covering anza polypoly every woman is looking for daily compliments don't do it just because you feel like do it because that's her love language protection from that parties which include your own mother your children which include your employer who calls you late at night during family time your woman wants to be protected from that party which includes other women and as i say finally find out whether she likes her heart being held or not some women who get very uneasy if you go holding their hearts in public because where they were raised up from the only place they saw people holding hard was on television but i also asked men what do you mean by respect can you help us understand your definition of respect and i had men telling me a couple of things number one on the list don't compare me with other men now of course women don't understand what i'm saying let me explain to you very simple after this meeting tonight when you go home don't talk about dr kenya you talk about what i'm teaching you know the mistake you make you compare your husband with other guys without knowing by just talking so much about a character you met somewhere it could be uru kenyatta there could be any other celeb if you know those things and discuss the content of this meeting it's safer for you than talking too much about your speaker tonight don't take me to your home leave me here men don't want to be compared with anyone now the moment you say mr john mr paul is driving a vxv8 he feels compared oh don't you know so and so has just bought a home in kilauea he feels why can't you go and live with him in generation he just doesn't want to be compared don't ever shout at your husband according to him you don't respect him speak calmly if you ever feel like calling him names of all domestic animals take a walk go breathe some oxygen come back home if you feel you have not interact write down everything you wanted to tell him on your laptop maybe on a word document you'll be venting in the process once the teams come down delete that document scripture says we should not keep a record of wrongs don't ever correct him in public what is public in the presence of anyone don't play smart and show your husband dumb you'd rather both of you look dumb but don't correct him in public in your privacy what does that mean when you're two of you go and tell him i think we should have done it this way you should have said it this way in my opinion and don't ever start any sentence at home with the word you you is accusing always start with the word i think i feel every time you start a statement of the word i you already neutralize any anger now num consort inform him now i did not write this bullet for each one of you this bullet is specifically for women from muranga those who buy sacred plots they have an outskirt just in case it doesn't work then i have some plots somewhere in kitangela and shioke mao and they know themselves and their laughter can already betray them the moment your husband discovers you have one or two secret plots or accounts then definitely have sent a strong signal you have no faith in posterity together and he feels dishonored he feels disrespected truth be told a number of you are in that cage and i'm going to flash it before i finish because we've got to give you a solution i know for a fact there are many people here in secret accounts you've got to deal with it tonight that's the reason you came here because the knowledge of the truth sets free don't discuss your marriage issues a lot of women will spend a lot of time discussing their husbands with no salary from bbc you have not been commissioned officially what you have never realized every time you discuss with another woman and she spends time encouraging me to discuss that woman hates you there is nobody who loves you who will spread or entertain or encourage you to discuss your husband's negatively i remind you i emphasize i repeat every other woman who encourages you to discuss wrong things about your husband she is not acting in your best interest i identify her as an enemy tonight this is one of the phone numbers you need to delete and i can help you do it i have no emotions deleting search for numbers every time you engage your husband intimately you said a strong signal you respect him the converse is also true the moment you manipulate your husband sexually in fact i define it this way that's witchcraft witchcraft it's any form of control and manipulation so you are which if you've been controlling your husband sexually and today i'll be praying for witches so that they live here as saints i feel the anointing in other words your body the bible says is not your own for both of you it belongs to the other person and the moment you share love you're sending a strong signal i need you i value you i appreciate you the opposite is rejection i don't need you i think these needs are satisfied elsewhere you don't deserve me now i think i need to draw a few points right now because whenever men don't feel respected they don't love their wives so what do i suggest to every woman listening to me hold your husband in high regard praise him speak highly of him it doesn't matter where he is right now it's a beginning point believe me every man you see on this planet has potential to achieve their maximum potential if only they are celebrated by the women in their lives if you continuously celebrate your man there's nothing you two will not achieve encourage him support his vision you know some women when a man comes home and says look i think i'm going to put up a hotel the first thing what have you ever done with your life simply because too many projects are failed doesn't mean the next one will fail sometimes it takes eight projects to fail for one to succeed i've talked about the pareto principle and roughly at most 20 percent of projects succeed to support his vision be his cheerleader his harvest in the marketplace there is no mercy there for those who are employed for men it's very humiliating when they have a woman as a boss who tears them emotionally and then she comes home expecting you to cheer him up and then to his rule surprise you'll continuously continue with the devil's assignment or fixing him more from today helpful decide to partner with god and cheer him up you make the enemy to lose every time you encourage someone the enemy loses so a lot of men say sorry be his cheerleader and i think not in your notes but a lot of men stay late from home they get into the clubs because they're being celebrated by other men in fact if your husband has been over drinking the oughts are very high there's somebody who celebrates him in the club you may not need some prayers of deliverance for your husband you may need deliverance yourself sounds harsh but even solemn on official time king solomon advised every husband if you have a question woman you would rather make a tiny place on the top of your house and sleep right there with the birds rather stay with the woman who tears you emotionally but sometimes i have wonder let me just go back to these notes i've asked myself a question this is a huge debate if she doesn't feel loud she doesn't respect him if he doesn't feel respected he doesn't love her so is this a cycle edward's gonna break the cycle if you have followed me at any length of time you know i don't believe this is a cycle i honestly believe no woman should ever sit down to plan how to submit submission for a woman is a response to the love of the man so submission doesn't start the love starts the person who talked about this better than i could do in a thousand years is paul the apostle most of you know this scripture offered from ephesians 5 through 21-28 the apostle paul gives a very strong argument husbands love your wives as christ loved the church and i like checking the hebrew bible and the word there is ecclesia the bride of christ by the way that text was not written for marriage as most of us believe paul is clear he was talking about the love of christ and his bride ecclesia so how did christ love his wife the more she persecuted him the more he loved her so much that he died for her the more the wife of christ continued to sin with the wife of christ the church the more christ continued to love his wife then paul says if you can love like that then your wife will naturally submit the church today is able to submit to christ because christ loved the church and gave himself his all to the church that's the reason you're calling yourself christian tonight so i suggest this to every man hearing my voice if you love your wife as christ loves the church she doesn't need any seminar to be taught on submission submission is a natural response to your love so submission does not start love starts how do i know this the scripture teaches us we did not choose christ he chose us in fact the bible they asked to say he chose us before the foundation of this world so the love begins the respect follows so every man hearing my voice if you're not getting the respect from your wife then you're not setting the love you should not be sitting down to lecture her how to submit you should be analyzing how to love like christ's lord and she will naturally submit i don't know whether we are communicating are we communicating that's the truth and the truth that will set us free i want to touch on a delicate part on communication i want to check how we talk i know many of you have gone for seminars to talk about communication tonight i want to break it down for us i want us to look at the elements because the primary reason why we partners is this one thing communication my question is this does everything the woman say or the wife in this matter is that what the husband hears that's the question i want to ask you do you think whatever you say that's what your husband hears let me tell you what i found out when she says can we talk the husband here you are in trouble when she says bob is doing really well you are not man enough you don't measure up with bob you are still below her when she says i am tired i am sleepy what does the man hear i'm going to give a gift right now these are for gifts what do you think he hears the first two man to get it to get a book here i'll autograph for you i don't want sex tonight seriously gizzy when she says do you want dinner what does he hear you must have eaten where you came from why did you do it you got it yeah i expected you to have eaten yeah i hope you've eaten where you are you can't come later to start asking for what for food when she says i have what it takes to do it do you know what he hears i don't need your assistance your assistance is not needed hmm i can fix the bulb hmm i think i can call the plumber to check the bathtub you know what the husband your husband hears you are dead ahead i i can do it on my own i know where the garage is when you say when you be home tonight now this is a hard one how long will you stay away i don't know women hear different things that's one i'll give you one extreme yes another one i miss you who are you with gold by the way that is what she hears where is your husband dangerous girl right here by the way that's exactly what she hears who are you with i want to control your every movement can you tell me who you are wait now what he says what she hears when the man says here is the solution what does the wife hear i don't care about your views this is how you're going to do it your opinions are not important don't be so emotional what does she hear and this is very common how many women can say this is common oh good don't be so emotional stop being a child who said that wow where's your husband my goodness wow stop being a child that's exactly what she hears but let me make a disclaimer we all don't hear the same things but that's so that's a good one your feelings are not important let me make it clear to everyone here feelings is what make us human beings the moment you tell someone not to be emotional you're telling them not to be human the issue is how can we get emotional intelligence and after this i suggest strongly if you must listen one video from me sit down as a couple and listen with no interruption with no phone calls on what i taught about emotional intelligence it's available for you free of charge in my youtube channel dr kenyajuna.com just listen to it cleanly on anger management on self-awareness on happiness on empathy on social intelligence just go through it together the odds are very high you look at each other emotionally from a different prison altogether because we see different realities when a man says okay fine what is he here i don't care what you're going through i'm so annoyed at you right now nothing is wrong what does she hear everything is wrong you've offended me when you say nothing is wrong that's the time she knows everything is very very wrong now here's a tricky one and they're going to give a gift for this now i this is for women the first one to get it right a gift some manda is really nice what do you mean she's better than that's one let me hear another one and i gonna talk about these books for you yes who said that where is your husband be careful never ever say any girl is good just keep it to your heart because what she hears i'm not yet done with samantha she's still in my agenda now this is a very tricky one when you tell your wife you look very beautiful today what does she hear can you hear that say it again women yesterday you're not looking good and feel scared i want to have sex with you are you nigerian [Laughter] wow i have never seen you beautiful before today's the only day you're looking good the other days you're normally looking yeah can i take a break for a moment and pray for your son hey honey have you gained some weight in your rear end the dress you wear reminds me of my old girlfriends where'd you get those shoes i think they're pretty lame would you stop talking cause i'm trying to watch the game if you're a man who wants to live a long and happy life these are the things you don't say to your wife i planned a hunting trip next week on your birthday i didn't ask you but i knew it'd be okay go make some dinner while i watch this fishing show i taped it over our old wedding video if you're a man who wants to live a long and happy life these are the things you don't say to your wife your cooking's just okay but not like my mother makes the diamond in your ring i bought you is a fake your eyes look puffy dear how are you feeling you happy anniversary i bought you a treadmill if you're a man who wants to live a long and happy life these are the things you don't say to your wife thank you anyway i need to sip some water what she says what she means when a woman says i'm just checking on you what does she mean i want to know where with who doing what now this is for men henry the first man to get it a gift when a woman says i have no clothes to hear men man only no this is for men yes sorry my goodness this is not fresh and blood this is a revelation she needs new clothes but when a man says i have no clothes to hear what does he mean they are dirty they are dirty you know some men are dumb they never get this the woman says i have no clothes to wear and you think she has no clue what's wrong with you she has a whole boutique at home she's telling you go out there and get something new but you have nothing to add i can see so many no she's telling you go to the shop when a woman says what are you doing tonight let's hear from them what does she mean she needs to be taken out that's a nice one there's another one what are you doing tonight who are you with tonight when she says fine by there she's insulting you she's telling us not to argue she's telling you a petty if a woman just says fine it's not in her nature just to say fine it's in our nature to explain it so when she is just fine she's telling you ah you're so betty i think there's a better subject to discuss if a woman says me i would never do that and she exclaims believe me she has always done that she has learned long ago to protect herself it's caught the law of self-preservation women learnt long ago if things are so thick deny deny and then deny some more if a woman tells you that guy keeps calling me men you should be very very worried if she says that he's saying other dudes are also interested with me if you thought nobody's looking for me you are wrong number you are mistaken now this is for men again i want to give another man a gift this is very easy i wish my stomach was flatter very sharp iq wow wow never ever tell a woman never confirm it if you confirm you're in trouble why are you not complimenting me can you imagine someone who say oh yeah you're quite fat in fact i had a pastor in charge saying this when a woman says you're looking fat say now i have a bigger thing to hold don't say that just encourage her that you need to lose with you yourself not her so let's be running together siri as we jogging together oh you're going to sleep thought you had to stay up later what is she telling you my goodness i need brilliant guys here yeah oh no he's not talking brother oh yes you see she's telling you my goodness she's already telling you what she's looking for she doesn't want a lot of talk she wants a lot of action she wants a lot of love naked when a woman says what time are you coming home tonight that's a dangerous question what is she saying who are you with are you playing around with girls tonight let me make a disclaimer not all men are not all men ask that question there are some five percent of you who are holy nice pastoral but for the 95 percent that's what they're asking the good thing is this whatever man says what they mean is that true whatever man says that what they mean isn't it absolutely not even men have their own code when he says i will call you will he call he said deeper sugary i'm busy that call me never come when a man says i didn't mean it that i didn't expect you to be upset can we talk about it later never exactly that later is when the lord returns can we drop it permanently please when he says you look incredible in the address no i want to post there if a man tells you that on sunday morning what is it telling you we are late exactly that we are late can you get out if he compliments you too fast on sunday morning it does nothing to do with your smartness get in the car we need to go please can we go now you've been on the middle far too long ha when he says she's just afraid mother afraid she is still in my to-do list this is still in my basket for the sake of the singles who came for this meeting i realized we have a few single people who came i have two bullets in blue for your sake when a man tells you i don't want to ruin our friendship he's telling you it's over yeah it's over i never thought of dating you please move on with your life if a man and a woman were walking down the street and he notices a beautiful woman the natural tendency of our eyes as men is to fellowship a little longer there's a tendency or some delay between our eyes and beauty because we are visual by our own creation so if you are caught and the man says who oh i didn't even notice her basically he's saying he surprised you caught him he doesn't like when you catch him or glean what's to ogo that delay for the sake of the seagulls again you're the most beautiful girl i've ever seen if this is a single man telling you that what is he telling you you know i've never understood something about women a man cheats you you know he's cheating you and you go ahead and be cheated you can make a mistake once you repeat it it's not a mistake it's a decision i need to explain i think there is a part of my memory where i don't understand stuff for example i never understand how do you accidentally get pregnant for the sixth time but this is me it's a personal weakness the things are not understood i need explanation how do these accidents happen the first time i understand you the second time i stood at the start you're still learning six times you didn't know what leads to it my god when a man tells you you're looking so beautiful you see good girl and you know where he's heading but you still like hearing it he's saying can we go ahead and have some sex how come a man can convince you when you're grown up now this is the first time suddenly he has noticed something unusual from heaven in all creation i've never seen the concentration of beauty in one body like this i have traveled places but i can tell you for a fact i've never seen such a fair skin i've never seen such blue eyes when i don't know why they talk about veracity i'm looking at your shape danda and i can tell you i think for the next one week i'm not able to sleep how come you buy such cheap things and after marriage they never see the same stuff when a man says look i'm sorry what is he saying especially if he says that at ten o'clock in the evening can you go ahead with the makeup sex now please let's stop quoting if a man asked you this question any woman listening to me ed your husband asked you this question how do you know jim what is the question here is the word how do you know jim she has already answered have you ever had sex with jim what are you doing with him maybe you should think about exercising never tell your wife that directory you're saying you're getting fat i think i want to teach you one of the greatest lessons i've learned in my life before i get into another section of our discussion tonight are you learning anything yes i wanna pick one of the most important lessons that i'm very sure we have never even talked about it in since one one light club i've never talked about this this will be my very first time i believe if you miss everything else i'm going to tell you if you only follow a suggestion i'm going to make right now it's all your time energy and effort it's not my original concept i borrowed it from ancient indian culture i call it the alien talking stick i have tried it in my own family and it has delivered results communication is a tricky thing in ancient times this is what the idioms used to do they used to have a stick called the talking stick and they used to exchange it so they would hold and this is how it works so i improvised something in my house because we don't have the idiom talking stick so we have a box i bought it in egypt and this is how it works so long as i'm holding this box in our house we call it the talking box so long as i'm holding this box massa cannot argue with me she cannot agree with me or disagree with me we cannot engage in any argument so every time we think an issue is emotive we hide in this thing it's called it's called the talking box i hold it like this and as long as i hold this if she doesn't disagree with me she'll just nod her head she can't say yes or no but she cannot interrupt me until i know i'm a hundred percent understood how is that until she repeats what i have told her in her own words if she doesn't repeat what i think is my position i'll not release this it's my protection when i feel she has understood my point i heard over the box to mercy i can't interrupt her i can't agree with her i can't disagree with her she has the right of way then she will confirm with me what was i telling you what did i tell you what did you hear me say at that particular moment she has the talking box i have zero right of communication i can only respond to her question she only had over this box to me when she feels she's a hundred percent understood and her point has gone home then she gives me back their talking box the guru signation indian culture used to have what they were calling the work the the talking stick so the man in the society used to hold it like this in their barraza when the other people would understand him he would head over to the next guy and they never exchanged words they never quoted at all sometimes when you're discussing about money mother-in-law when you're discussing about your projects and your priorities major shifts in life should we take our child to an expensive school should we go for holiday here what is the priority this season sometimes issues can get out of control but nothing gets out of control if human beings control their communication let me tell you this everything you are is found in an animal except your mighty speech what makes you human is your ability to speak and to reason the only gifts of immortality that are bestowed upon human being is speech and mind if you can control what you speak in fact the apostle james writes and says you're perfect in all your ways if whatever comes from your lips and jesus said it as well he said what you doesn't make you impure but it's what you say if you can be holy in your speech you are perfect in all your ways and the way to do it in marriage is to come up with a way to ensure you don't draw words that you will regret in my house this has worked for us you can come up with your own but this has worked for us and believe in me you'll never exchange words as long as you come up with a formula that protects the other person because we see different realities we live in different worlds we don't see the same world this world the same way your perception is not my perception so i have to really understand what is her point and she has to really understand what is my point and that's the essence of communication if i was to summarize everything i wanted to say tonight about communication have a mechanism in your house that ensures you safeguard the other party until they are totally understood so the indian talking stick looks like that if you have only one take home from tonight's message please carry this purpose in your heart it's one immature irresponsible and ungodly one year two years ten years you're still exchanging words there are not two people who divorce because of affairs every marriage can survive an affair any marriage can suffer financial strains the only thing you can never survive is when you start exchanging words because words are never innocent they're leaving messages they carry within them life and death scripture says life and death is in the power of their tongue and they that love it shall leave the fruit of their love proverbs 18 21 scripture teaches thou shall not cast a death person leviticus 1914 why such a scripture deaf people do not even hear in the first place because of the damage those what would do to the vessel in which they are stored if you take care of the words you tell your spouse i tell you today the 8th of june 2018 every single family here is gonna win just take care of the words of your mouth they carry them the power to create all the power to destroy the power to bless or the power to cause the power to make or the power to ruin come up with a tool like the indian talking stick and agree you have to put yourself in your partner's reality in your partner's world because your perception of the world is totally different are we learning anything i want us to look at three concepts for never adding love and the first one is reasons for divorce in young marriages then i'm gonna teach you reasons for divorce in season marriages and finally i'm going to teach you about lasting love how to build lasting love young marriages i'm talking of between zero and five years and sometimes this can go all the way to ten years depending on how fast you're growing remember you will never accidentally grow all couples have good intentions but marriages don't work because of good intentions you've got to be intentional you've got to be deliberate there could be many reasons my list is not exhausted by any stretch of the imagination but i want you to pick some of these five reasons and see what you need to address number one on the list feeling that you deserve someone better than your own spouse you become dissatisfied over time and this will trick you into making mistakes you start remembering a boyfriend who had proposed to you and you didn't agree a girl you had seen when you're in college or in your first job or in a business trip and you see your wife could also be having a great strength could be having great qualities too if you just get out of cloud nine and come back to reality you see whatever you focus on expands if you focus on fault you see them more they get magnified in your sight if you focus on somebody's trend you begin to see it more and more if you have been seeing a lot of thought in your partner you've been focusing on food don't be a gifted food fighter as though there's a reward for it you develop people in the same manner in which you make gold when you're mining gold you remove tons and tons of that but you don't go in the quality looking for the dirt you get in there looking for the gold the goat could be as small as this water bottle and that could be as much as this entire room but you go focusing on the gold not focusing on the dart dig for the gold what you focus on experts number two feeling constraint and this could be in a number of areas fast unfortunately for some of us it could even be in bed but for most of us is because you want to climb up your career ladder and you feel the other person holding you back you feel like you're losing some opportunities they may be separating you from your family because you're being posted elsewhere or you feel there's a gift within you that the other party is holding back if that is you then the odds are very high you may not stay together if you feel somebody's destroying your dreams you're not likely to fulfill your potential so what do i do if he's doing that the odds are high he's not doing that the odds are very very high you are not communicating your intents in a respectful manner so they have been blocked it's true that some people can block your career later because of their own inner insecurities they don't want to see with more degrees or more money they don't want to see you climb up the position but these are exceptionally few people they have a homie majority of people they start destroying your dream when you start destroying this that's what goes on you can achieve whatever you want in life if you just help enough people get what they want it is in the process of helping the other party to achieve the dreams that they also help you to achieve their dreams you must never compete in marriage compliment in marriage number three lack of communication and this is the primary reason i took more time to this con to deconstruct what communication means to you in a very simple way because this time is always used poor communication that's why i say let's let's look at this in its proper light what is it that you see what i see here what does she say what does he hear in my notes i wrote communication isn't just about talking to each other and i wrote this because all couples talk few communicate an assumption is the very termite of relationships the assumption that communication has taken place that's why i recommend you use the idiom talking stick or you do like i do in my house have your talking box because it's possible for you to be talking but you're not communicating communication is when you receive feedback from the other party and confirm not just the words but those were the intents of your words so you're looking both at the verb and the non-verbal cues including facial expressions and gestures whether you are agreeing with that party or not you're not charging their emotions number four unmanaged expectations which are the very seabed of defeat and frustrations for many marriages the next step in the way of life we get into marriage with expectations from each other and from each other and at times the expectations are not mutually set you had an imagination of where you should be living by now what type of a car you should be driving even some people come together in marriage and edward wanted to go and study immediately after capturing this person into marriage that's when you want to go for further studies but you didn't want to risk losing a husband so you do you do a quick wedding and rush to germany for further studies it was a project in your list he is a project all you wanted to walk out of the country if you're in a marriage and one of you is chasing after money and the other one is chasing after purpose you're likely to complete my conviction you must never pursue money you add up look at eden regrettably for 60 million for 60 000 bribe he lost a 2.5 million job but i think it's not 2.5 think about what could have happened that trickle down impact in his career yeah if you think about it in the lens of future that could have been a billion shillings lost you agree with me and sometimes two people get into marriage yet i have so many people i don't want to mention some of them you know them they are public figures the only reason they parted is because one party wanted to work clean and the other party believed in shortcuts each party assumes expectations will automatically be met that's not the case finally for the young couples in our midst insecurity and mistrust do you really trust your spouse do you get agitated uneasy and suspicious whenever they talk with an opposite gender trust is an important pillar in marriage and if you can't trust your spouse then that marriage can survive but the question is why are they losing trust in you have you given them reasons not to trust you because if your spouse has lost confidence in you it is also a call for you to introspect if you look at these five items which one do you think you need to address as a young couple but i want us to go beyond that and think about the most seasoned marriages you're here you've been married for over 15 years i think i want to give a gift to a couple who has been married longest let me say this by a show of head and not in our meetings we've been married for 30 years plus so we have one going twice 30 years plus that year's plus good how many years 31 can we appreciate it have you been married to the same woman is it that one combined from different marriages one woman and i was speaking in a meeting in the u.s in virginia and you know the way they speak it in black american english and after my meeting a guy says you know when i was looking for this woman i was looking for a deal then idea is an ordeal now i'm looking for a new deal so you've been having the same deal the same deal the truth is this there's not a single marriage that is build breaking point i regret to tell you one of my dear friends because it's in a public domain a great bishop a great man of god bishop noah jones from los angeles after 23 years of marriage they had to divorce it's one of the biggest churches in california so this can happen and many people assume that long marriages are indestructible after all they have withered the weed of change and they have survived every stone but that's not the case there is not a single relationship that is beyond breaking point i'll give you eight reasons why your marriage needs to continually be watered number one is inferiority now whoever is listening to me including the canon inaudible every single marriage is tested by infidelity every single marriage at some point in your life you will discuss that other woman and that other man this question is not the issue at heart the question is how are you going to navigate not if but when this discussion comes because the idea of infidelity almost always crops up in a marriage at some point or the other you could fight someone extremely interesting perhaps where you're working or in business what you need to ask yourself from time and again is the juice water squeeze what's the price of squeezing the juice and if you are ever having this discussion and you're the one who has been accused as a rule do not argue get on your knees in repentance you melt the argument you see when the deputy president of kenya agreed that he has a child and he's taking care of the school fees do you know what he did he silenced every argument and the media had no news to give if he kept quiet they would have continued digging the story forming headlines for a whole year but when you come clean then people have nothing else to discuss why this question becomes tricky is because you become very defensive whether you're right or wrong you i'm not saying you admit it i'm only saying apologize because whether you did it or not there's something that has happened that has triggered that discussion correct don't defend the emotions and the feelings apologize be remoteful say i didn't do that but i'm effect on your knees i'm serious by the way i'm saying literally i'm not seeing the needs of your heart have you been blessed by this video kid like and share with friends family and colleagues great people are either sources of light or they are mirrors that reflect light be a channel of blessings to others and remember to subscribe to my youtube channel dr k and jacob to enjoy hundreds of videos free of charge now emotional affairs they look like they are less than infidelity but they are the same in the eyes of christ jesus said whoever looks at a woman lust free has already committed other tree from god standard you've already crossed the line so if that is the case and and by emotional affairs i mean is there a text a whole zap that you not want your spouse to see surrender the passwords in that home and you realize it becomes a safe net for reason your kids because so long as your secret codes to your phone secret codes to your internet then what will you be teaching your teenage children then you can't even get into the world to find out what they are doing for example my daughter is in year 10 which year 9 which is equivalent of form 2 in the a4 system and i know a lot of parents don't believe in buying kids smartphones and laptops and what i teach is this even if you disconnect internet from your own house you know disconnect from the entire city so i teach about the responsible use of wi-fi but while my daughter has a laptop which she uses for her homework and sometimes for music that i don't even sing it happens even in my own house i know it i have made that type of a song but there's something i like about it she doesn't try to hide we never taught her that we can hide from each other but so long as we hate from each other with mercy that's exactly even generations after us will do because you don't produce who you want you produce who you are you produce your type every single parent should want to produce great children in reality you don't produce who you desire you produce your own type you produce your own kind you reproduce yourself in their lives eliminate the passwords or disclose the passwords and you'll never have to discuss emotional affairs that are the woman or that other man of course sometimes we have differences in sexual interests because when you are single and you are not married you are fascinated about that other partner many in particular very visual and this should be a secret for all women to know for the single women in our midst when you cover up when you cover yourself up you leave everyone wondering what else is behind the clothes when you remove everything the water is gone the fear comes you know the bible says you are both fearful and what afraid me you remove the wonder and immediately introduce the fear oh who bashes like this and the flows are magnified but now you get married and you're still fascinated during honeymoon it's not practical every time and i know some of you may be uneasy with what i'm going to use it is not practical every time you see this naked woman to start feeling a hard erection ready for the job hallelujah it is not possible you saw how many times sometimes you realize that the gadget is not working even after all the touch that's why i suggest to the ladies as the years go by please avoid wearing funny t-shirts at night they scare away your husband you scare him off and he goes up and it may take him two days before he's up again but if you start dressing in good night dresses and hot perfumes chances are the atmosphere will begin to change because unless you come up with such tricks and also join us in the high sea cruises sometimes it requires you like i can see a couple of people who are with me in singapore and i don't know what was happening the ship but i'm very suspicious people write kanye you know i was with him even in egypt with him in singapore and you can imagine when he was taking a glass of wine with his swivel the cool breeze he left me wondering what was happening after that you if you're just here eating a variant no manna sometimes if your husband is thinking of going to a doctor to be given some some tablets just try a mountain it doesn't have to be a cruise it can just be a kadura walk try something different and compare those that evening it works these things work you've got to trick yourself to reignite the agent it gets older with time and remember this city has never changed this can happen to spouses who are not fascinated or owed by their partners it is not just about sexual interest you may even like your partner is afraid but there is no more passion for being together what do you do you don't know how to take everything i'm telling your gospel truth if you're here in my last meeting i thought so much again is that you should never be a captive of anyone's teachings a hundred percent don't be a follower be a student don't take anyone's advices orders don't allow anyone to order your life make sure whatever you do is a product of your own conclusions listen process the information if it makes you to border and wonder and you can apply it in your life run with it because we begin to change when we apply the knowledge we receive but simply because it was shared by a priest or by a professor or by a white man doesn't make it gospel truth you've got to be very clear with your true north your guiding philosophy so that when someone digresses from the true north you can see it from a distance and you instill the same values in your children but don't throw away the baby with the bad water either extreme is dangerous and the reason sometimes we get paranoia over this is because we do not define our own true north your indivisible minimums every information you listen listen with child like curiosity like masters process over it filter before you allow it to sink in your system so i suggest tonight look for things that may trigger you as a spouse to reignite your fire once more don't be two wheels of a roller coaster just reporting a lot of people who were married for many years in the evening in the only report how was your day it was like this like that and you continually report about projects but you never take time to discuss about each other and to appreciate each other's nose and guys who will appreciate that guy nobody in the office will comment about your eyes nobody they think about your business input isn't that isn't that true guys so if your woman cannot appreciate that who would ever do it street girls you don't like it what you don't see other girls you'll see number five money unfortunately the only thing jesus said competes with god is money jesus said you cannot sell two masters you can't have guarded money or he called it the god of money mammoth of all things that our savior could have mentioned he singled out money scripture says first timothy 6 10 the love of money is the root of all evil and here's the big question money has a way of always making life either better or even worse there is no bit of ground here there are two extremes depending whether you have an emotional attachment with money are you dissatisfied with how much income your spouse is making do you feel like you could be doing better in someone else now this may be a nagging thought even here let me talk about this i'll tell you what i've done it's very hard for many of you to buy i know i have had a lot of men arguing my money is for projects and my wife's money is for the kitchen and the vegetables and for sure we see the food but five years later we can't see the projects from the man he said his money is for projects where are the projects that dude a lot of people including in the slave audience over 80 percent of what people have ever talked to in marriage this is a very divisive issue she has her account and her property and her houses in her land from a biblical perspective whether you buy it or not i'll have told you the truth there is no harm money or my money it's our money it's our bank account i keep my mom we take care of her 100 but i have never sent her a single coin in our entire marriage life mercy does it we agreed long ago any money going to a home goes through her any money going to our home goes through me we send a strong signal to our parents both sides we are one and they cannot come in between but you know the reason why most of you have side assets than you would care to admit tonight is because it's an out scheme it's a plan b just in case this thing backfires then have a safe lad in there you can't devise an escape route that you're not going to use someday so long as you have an escape route you're going to make use of it destroy your plan b and your plan is going to work from a biblical perspective naked and not achieved we don't have this property and that property it's our children there's nothing like a mother-in-law in marriage our mother our land our career our account one item even children must never come between you two children are part of the family they're not part of the marriage number six abusive or controlling relationship the reason i do the word children many places that conduct marriage seminars a lot of men have confessed that after taking children to school especially until college then the woman thinks the guy's role in my life is over i'm not talking about women from yeri in particular just talking about women but you know i went somewhere to teach about marriage to be honest i was so shocked at the end of my meeting the very first question that night shocked me a guy lifts up his hand and says doc please tell me these days after we educate our children these women are killing us am i still safe that didn't surprise me the question didn't surprise me what surprised me about the question it was asked in a church it was a church meeting here you are combined some of you go to church only during christmas but this was a church meeting you can imagine about that and i'm hearing it from our brother in the lord and the sister he has married for so many years was in the hall let me make it clear he was not joking you know man is the root of all evil and nothing has separated nations torn countries stone individuals turned families than the love of money now number six abusive or controlling relationships if you ever felt like your partner is trying to control you in any way materially sexually or otherwise it is best to have a conversation about it at its early stages at times your spouse may not even be aware all you need to do is to engage them they might be controlling you or trying to manipulate you or they may not you are making an assumption number seven priorities change you know you met someone in their twenties are you expecting them to remain the same that doesn't happen to churches human changing fortunes changing seasons changing priorities you marry the husband was in business and in his 40s or 50s you also get into politics and you get nervous who do you think get into politics it's people like your husband you married somebody you even had them pagoakado with him later on they decided to become a pastor and i'm not talking of a good pastor what are you going to do these things happen to people is that not true do you know nobody is born mad they are children who are born but no one is born mad madness comes with ears you don't know when you will get mad sorry a marriage is a lifetime of togetherness and as individuals our priorities in life to change all the time if you want to have a successful marriage and avoid any reason for divorce learn to understand each other's priorities in different seasons of your lives because they keep changing don't expect your partner to stay the same forever when i decided to launch since one on life club the greatest encouragement i had was must encouraging me but she could have chosen not to do this so that we lead a quiet life this has drained me emotionally let me tell you this than anything i know for me to continue to organize saturday meetings sometimes members can't even compensate for it all like what i'm doing for next month dr kenya doing a speaker's award for 28th of july the first gift i'm giving away is a car laptops phones i've committed a couple of millions for this project some of the things i've done have trained us financially trained strained us emotionally i thank god that we had agreed on some key principles on how to communicate and how to converse when we began our life it was quiet and now i'm in the public domain and these things happen things keep on shifting massage had to make a lot of sacrifices some things we wanted to buy some of them we forgot because of this ministry and here are some of the questions will you still support your partner at such times and sometimes marriages collapse because of addictions kenya in particular we are lucky we don't have many smokers like the west but we are very addicted to alcohol as a nation especially to tasker and it's good to find out why you're addicted maybe you're running away from stress at home while at work and every single habit no matter how big it is they're all malleable i suggest strongly please look for my video known as new beginnings go through it i think i'm more real than pastors apart i'll pray for you today and expect a change overnight if you have been smoking for 60 years it doesn't happen overnight sometimes the process has to be managed i'm the kind of a guy who will pray for you to receive christ and still allow you to smoke for the next one man pastor that's true he can't accept it he believes in instant change and it does for some people it doesn't happen for some people i'm not talking about smoking in particular but i'm talking about habits because habits make you you're what you repeatedly do and some of them do not break overnight i'll never forget i was speaking a meeting in the in london it was a church meeting and the lady came for prayers a white woman i made an author called a white woman came when i went to pray for them i almost fell the stench was too much then i began to realize even when i was preaching this woman was going out of the church to smoke so she did it even during the salmon about three or four times so what do we do we receive them in christ and we start to rehabilitate them we don't judge them we don't condemn them so i've given you a way of overcoming habits of course prayer free my question is which of these eight areas do you need to work on maybe it's only one maybe it's only two are you still with me yes are you learning anything you can be joining us every valentine you can budget in advance because the budget is more or less the same it's important to invest in your marriage it's important to invest in your relationships i want to talk about a very critical aspect of marriage tonight lasting love is tested by a couple of things and i want to look at 12 things that test love i call them the great d and the greatest d is called distance i don't know who is here tonight but it's possible almost half of us here we have a spouse either walking away or walking away for a long period of time for example you are in marketing maybe in insurance you are in from a cuticle or decisions you make you want to go for further studies i'll tell you my conviction about this physical distance creates emotional distance you can argue about it but time will tell max's family her father is a high school principal he got an opportunity to do his master's degree in cabbage university he turned down the offer for the sake of the marriage many times he was given promotion by the teacher service commission to be a principal far away from home he refused he finally became a principal not so long ago maybe 10 years ago he's retiring in a few months he got this position when he was about to retire when he was given a school where he wanted where he could commit from home so yes he may have lost the money that my father has he may have lost the degrees that my father has but that family is together if i tell you the impact it has had on my family the devastating impact you cannot even believe i can't even begin to explain to you tonight but most likely that's what made me to start this ministry what i'm doing i asked marcia a question besides you helping me in my work would you want to start a business she thought through it and she decided to start a business in the beauty sector simply because she likes her nails too much and it is the main reason why we got married because one day when we were in the university i was at the back praying and worshipping in the christian union and i saw somebody praising god and then i realized i was not to worship him by the my first contact with mercy was not spiritual it was her nails prayers came later i started convincing god why it has to be her so when i asked her whether she was to do any business she chose the nails business today she's very careful with her nails i'm not and don't be offended they don't interfere with my summons so don't worry so long story short she learned the fire shop at tomboya took seven months to break even her second shop west trans krishna center and god blessed it 15 days break even because most of our customers came from safaricom and then the ashara street and then krishna center of 100 employees and i can tell you this she still makes the same money she was making when she was in safaricom if not more and i tell you the bible says when two people are together in harmony the bible calls it reference samsung three god commands our blessing you will not lose when you work together i've had the privilege of best in three couples and because one of them is in the hall i'll mention about him he has been my answer with it most of you know him er rosters we are the best couple of the rosters and much and they are with us here majes at the back they went through the same thing like us they were working the same organization one was in erie he was in erie she was in gear girl and i remember when we were going through primarity concerning with them we didn't make this decision for them they had already told us one of them has to be signed but they are not going to operate their marriage with 150 kilometers between them i can tell you all my personal relatives some of them very educated and high in power but their families did not even last five years simply because they are obsessed with their careers their choices in your hands physical distance creates emotional distance the second that's gonna test you is demands sexual demands financial demands lifestyle demands some demands are good most of them are selfish true love doesn't demand it loves the demand to be loved is the most arrogant presumption you can ever have they must carry a threat of punishment you see if you refuse me you will regret and demand depends on power you see the problem with a lot of marriages they assume that power is vested in a certain individual please understand in marriage from a biblical perspective power is shared there is a leader the man is the leader not to abuse power but to take responsibility it is harry has truman who put up a sign in the presidential office the back stops here dear kenyans you may not like what i'm going to tell you we've been having a huge debate about corruption my personal conviction is that president uhuru needs to get serious president truman they were going through the same in the u.s during the depression during world war ii harris truman decided the box stops with me i have seen kenyans literally obey traffic crews in the uk and they come here and break all rules the same kenyans and i confess i have also been a victim i remember even a tiny country once we went with mercy to seashells and i followed every single rule and i confess to you regrettably i've broken some rules here why i know i can walk away with it so this whole agenda of corruption it's not about kenyans to blame and i know that's what you want to convince yourself because of being tribal let's just be real if the president gets serious it will end when we went to singapore with our team here even a single chewing gum was not found in the streets of singapore if he gets serious he'll cascade it down to his cabinet secretaries nps's the truth is this big talk from our president that is not serious that's the truth in your marriage you have also to decide as a man their back stops with you unless you do that that matters you'll never flourish you've got to decide if it fails it's me i said in public i said it on tv if kenya jewish family breaks never ever blame mercy never blame anyone i take full 100 responsibility unless you take that leadership as a man don't come here and want me to say you're a leader but you're not taking responsibilities leadership is about responsibility so you can't start international tv and act helpless or blame other bodies for fighting corruption like anti-corruption or dpp the batman stop somewhere every country that changed it is not because the people are holier than kenyans it's because a leader changed if that marriage does not work every man hearing my voice it's you if the church fails jesus takes responsibility jesus said i will build my church and the gates of faith shall not prevail against it he didn't attribute the success of the church to any pastor or prophet he took total responsibility god does not just take responsibility about your existence he even brags about it before you were formed in your mother's house i knew you jeremiah i knew you monica i knew you peter i take responsibility for your very existence before you were formed in your mother's womb every husband listening to me you have to take that kind of responsibility like christ took and say i will build my family and the gates of hate shall not prevail against it there's another d that's gonna test you caught delays relocating it's taking too long to build a house it's taking too long to conceive a child you've waited for too long and some couples have separated because the gift of child has taken too long changing behavior because maybe one spouse is a drunk and you're getting too tired with it and you're about to wave the white flag of surrender i want to encourage you tonight in marriage delays are not denials hold on you have a higher chance in your first marriage than subsequent marriages you'll be tested by another day god differences differences make us complement each other not two people have the same reality at times one outgrows the other partner focus on similarities narrow on the differences some of these differences our own creation you go back for further studies and leave your wife behind maybe some you don't know my wife went for her master's before me the only reason i cleared my master's before her is because she changed her course so i was a year ahead i'm saying this because some men are insecure taking their way for further studies and for the avoidance of doubt when i cleared my phd mercedes road the other day that's gonna affect our marriage is called defects we all have custom design flows you know sometimes they are covered by clothes and when you get married they come out but these flows make us unique there is no person except eve and adam who are hundred percent perfect there will be a pimple you don't like stop behaving like a teenager live your life like an adult realize that flow makes you unique if you're hundred percent perfect to get tonight so thank god for some of these defects but they should not define you for me i have a defect of my own creation i stole my father's bicycle when i was here in those days we were never used to pick our parents bicycles and the bricks got somewhere on my left leg almost half of it and the problem is that i could not even report it because of the beating and i had to act strong and walk strong when my foot was rotting mean persons emphasize each other's defects great couples emphasize each other's strengths now don't pray about my defeat long ago i got over it some people might give themselves unnecessary prayer items the next day is called doubt doubter money is from lack of disclosures and in disclosure i'm talking of two things if you can disclose your time at your money you're perfect your time and your expenses you know as a mentor you can tell me your priorities but if i really really want to know your priorities i don't want to hear your stories i just want to look at your budget and your schedule and that's why those who go through 12 hours of transformation one of the exercises i take them through is developing their prototype their masterpiece i honestly don't believe there is any human being has ever listened to me who should not go through the class on purpose true fulfillment comes when you connect with your purpose and what you do is what you love what you love is what you do there's no conflict between what you do and what you love if that is not the case you'll continually hate monday mornings because you're up to some you hate but you must do it because of the views and other realities what i'm doing tonight the only reason i'm going to finish this discussion is your time not my time this is my oxygen i'm living in my purpose and tomorrow morning i'll be speaking at sck saint james and i'll be speaking again in the afternoon and on sunday because i'm living my purpose meantime do not leave your wife or your husband guessing about your money and your time there is not a single time in my marriage when mercy did not know where i was with who doing what the choice is in your hands happiness will never come to you happiness will only come from you no one can make you happy this is a choice you have to make through the choices you make every day if you make these disclosures you don't have to deal with doubt there's another day called despair prolonged uncertainties breed despair for example you never indicate when you're going to settle to put up a home or to buy one you've lost a job anyone can understand that but your idling in the house watching tv the whole day without giving direction anyone will get exhausted with time so when we get desperate from where we get about despair then this becomes a major crack in our marriage now defeats will come in your marriage not if but when i'm not even concerned that you're going to succeed i'm only concerned that you're going to fail from time to time and i'm not a prophet of doom a lot of speakers don't like sharing their failures i'm going to share one of my failures right now in fact if you ever meet anyone who's successful don't listen to the success story it's already known it's in the public domain listen to their failures that's only the only time you can know how they reach where they are some of you have come to our meetings at kacc some of our meetings like the one we did september last year kicc told us there was no such a meeting the entire year last year and some of you again came 22nd of march this year the entire servo hall is packed and it's possible sometimes you think dr kenya is always experiencing these levels of success whenever he calls for a meeting the record this meeting i didn't ask anyone to come in particular by your name i never invited anyone by your name but you're here it's possible for you to come here look at the guy studying there and think this is always the case i'll tell you the truth i have failed miserably but one of the reasons we hold these meetings monday which most likely very few people dare to do this it is because i've come to terms with failure period i'll never forget calling for a meeting at windsor for couples this particular meeting i wanted to host 40 couples i had paid food in advance with sir food is not two shillings can i tell you the truth two couples turned up not twenty one two the food is cooked we are there you must be smiling as usual eating for people the way they normally come i call for meetings people come so we are very relaxed i joined each other and waiting for the couples it was an executive dinner so we were expecting high senior guys and some of them are the one who pushed us i remember one ceo kept on pushing mercy we don't want to come to lydian towers call us where we belong say okay don't worry we're organized let me tell you this i remember at seven o'clock because this was supposed to be six o'clock the two couples were still there i remember at seven o'clock i told myself we have to call all our friends do you remember the story in the bible where the host had to call his friends the first guy i called was the rasters and margaret i said where are you i don't care where you are stop what you're doing come eat food then i called dennis dennis was far away nagata i'm not listening to any story tonight just come eat come eat because either way i'm paying for 40 meals 80 mil sorry it was 40 couples i'm paying for 80 meals erastus came thank god that they you have some friends who stick closer than a brother dennis came i caught a few guys from ruda for free now of course because the couple's doing turner i want you to know this i have a lot of failure stories if i if this was a meeting we are discussing about success and theory i'll discuss a lot of various stories but the good thing is this they never defined me but more importantly they did not change my mercy support for me because a lot of women would have argued we have wasted a lot of money and forget the great success stories even abroad i've gone through a disappointment you always think when people go abroad and they post pictures get into a plane you always think everything is glossy oh my god i'll never forget going to manchester have you ever been invited by a joker we went to manchester we were invited by this guy from malawi a pastor from malawi you're so excited i'm going to meet a new audience and kenyan audience where where the taxi left us and it was late at night we had left london by train virgin atlantic we reached there at around 1 pm it was worse than our students hostels in fact the guy who carried us from the train station to the hotel for some reason that we are not going to sleep there he told us you just confirmed are waiting a taxi what's wrong with this guy i was asking him i said his job was to drop us is he a crook he should be leaving and i got agitated no no your job was just to drop us in the hotel then you you go my dude were coming from hilton in london then we reached there we in this dodge john there was no receptionist just a sweeper who did not know how to operate the computer to check whether we are booked in and then i said my god why did i send the taxi guy away let me tell you this we have had a lot of drama every great person you know has a lot of drama they have only learned how to toughen their skin and to broaden their experiences they have converted their lemons into sweet lemonade that's the truth i'm saying this it's not about whether you're going to fail i'm concerned with what you're going to do when failure knocks my message for you fight till all trouble with us away disappointments will come your way manage your expectations embrace the spirit of gratitude the spirit of gratitude is the highest of all human emotions list down what god has given you before you complain about your marriage there are so many single ladies who are looking for a husband and when you you take him for granted list the blessings you have before you talk about your complaints and begin to magnify what you have focus on what you have not what you don't have human wants can never be satisfied they're insatiable they are endless focus on the human needs sometimes you might be hit by depression and depression can come from low self-esteem or rejection you're rejected in your workplace you went for an interview you applied for a bid and it didn't go through you applied for a visa you couldn't get grief loss a business went in fire terrorist struck sometimes your hard-earned money goes into flames because of a bulldozer from the government that was expanding roads all these things hate real couples like you and maybe one of us here has gone through that there could be many ways of doing it but i know some of these things go away because you discuss them you vent out when you're able to tell your story without crying then you know you have healed exercising regularly does reduce the stress levels because it releases either fins they feel good hormones have enough sleep don't be on your tablets and screens before sleeping because they are sleep deprivers read a hard book don't read it like you're reading for an examination to complete just read for inspiration you can do a chapter a day in my house we read a chapter of the bible with my kids every day before they sleep when you have night meetings the first friday of every month i still pray for them even when they are south asleep and we realize something when i don't do that my son in particular gets disturbed and he doesn't sleep soundly so even even even someone in a coma hear me this even someone in a coma in hospital still go there lay hands on them and pray for them believe me they may not respond they may not bring their eye but they can hear those blessings just pray for them by faith i know it does work i've done it even in hospital bed and people come out later and say you prayed for us you stood with us it does work so pray for your kids even before they are born for those of you who are still planning to enhance the population of kenya pray for them even before they arrive here there's another d that may test you caught disease regrettably this break some couples they're people who part because somebody was crippled and finally the last day the worst of them all death and this you may not stop but you can connect with the giver of life you can connect with the life and the resurrection that gives you the greatest mystery of all times that we will never be able to explain christ in us the hope of glory this is the reason he came that is god will never be concerned one day with how much you committed other tree you'll never be concerned with how much you drunk you'll never be concerned with how much you murdered he'll be concerned with whether christ is in you this is a mystery i can't explain it it's a deep secret but this is the only truth that we keep singing but so long as christ dwells in you you've got hope of glory you'll be tested by all these days lasting love makes right choices but i just tell you about six of them love produces feelings but love is not a feeling love is a choice you choose to love if love was a feeling it will not be a biblical comment the reason husbands are commanded to love your wives and god never commits women to love their husbands god never gives a command what he sees in nature he doesn't command parents to love their children but it does command you to raise them up in the race of the lord and not to provoke them into anger because god has already sealed it in nature even in the mammalian kingdom animals mothers in particular love their children naturally but because husband's love is not natural that's why it's a command it's not a feeling it's not your natural you've got to do it by purpose thirdly lasting love accepts both assets and liabilities money doesn't just bring assets but it does bring also what liabilities too often we focus on what you don't have tonight i add you focus on what you have not on the flows of your partner and your weaknesses number four lasting love needs investment believe me friends any fool can fall in love it takes the mature to stay in love only the wise can stay in love anyone even a teenager can fall in love if you are fallen in love so what the real question is are you able to stay in love sometimes i hear a lot of african men saying we don't give flowers we are african it is not within our culture shame on you why do you give flowers when they die why are you able to give flowers to a dead body is it african to give flowers to the dead i'd rather you give me flowers when i'm still alive i know that men listening to me here who you don't give flowers because it's a western culture but if she dies you bring flowers we need them when you are still and i don't necessarily mean just flowers but even chocolates they were made for women god invented supermarkets for women let them go and do shopping you may not understand what it is but just let her go shop take her to a gym follow me as i follow christ christ pays the price for you pay the price for your wife the best outfits my wife wears i'd buy them and i'm serious but i don't ask about her size i know there are some men who know breast sizes for me i don't care their sizes i know her size gary heavy too how do you feel to know the size of what you had every day by the way if you don't know the size that could mean you just go to other business you don't go you don't go through the entire geography you go straight to real i mean that was for last year let's leave it love trust when you don't trust people you limit them they go an extra mile to prove to you that they are trustworthy even in business when you trust your employees they go an extra mile to show you that they can be trusted when you don't trust them they will go an extra mile to show you that they cannot be trusted never send a signal to your spouse that you don't trust them you see every time you encourage someone you defeat the enemy number six true love extends grace we are both imperfect we need to extend grace on our partners flows irritate us latin love disregards flaws grace and forgiveness and the foundation of lasting love a marriage is a union of to forgive us to all is to human we keep making mistakes we stay together simply because we have unforgiveness i believe with all my heart there is no love without forgiveness god loved us so he forgave us our sins his love is expressed in us in the fact that he has forgiven us from eternal condemnation without forgiveness he cannot talk of love without forgiveness there is no love one major component of love is forgiveness you can't forgive if you're not offended so offense will come your way the question is are you willing to forgive forgiveness is not for the weak forgiveness is a virtue for the brave you know you are strong when you're able to forgive the weak never forgive if you have been struggling to forgive then know from today you have a serious weakness that you need to work on if you're seated to an opposite gender tell him or her extend some grace baby extend some grace i'm just human extend some grace tell them we need some grace extended to us correct this whole thing about love is not just in christianity but it's also emphasizing classical literature and i want to ask this how many when they were in school did romeo and juliet oh i can see my colleagues here all the others are very young now i want to extract something for you that happened during the famous balcony scene of the play romeo and juliet romeo begins to praise his love for juliet with his words now i like to request everyone listening to me please let's read together the words in red that's shakespearean english for what i'll swear by the moon that tips you know these guys are the balconies so there are some fruits out there so in this light of the moon was flushing the trees they were looking like silver it's tipping so this is the guy making a vow to a woman now i want every lady to read what is in led here and i think juliet was light because the moon keeps changing crescent quarter so if your love will be like the moon then things are weak i don't underscore for love i need something like the sun something that does not keep changing the shape i can't predict the shape of the moon that's what juliet is saying we think she's right do you think so there is nothing mercurial about love it is not based on whims feelings or passing fancies love is rock solid intent or benefiting i want us to look love at god's perspective and i close the meeting what does it really mean that love never reaches the theme of our meeting tonight what does it really mean love never fails if we can define love from god's perspective i can call it a day and i want us to read together i will give you some 14 definitions the first one let's read together love is patient that means you can wait for the others you don't just look at your own clock you also look at your spouse's clock number two love is kind if you're loving you can open the car door for her you can carry that back let me tell you what you do in our house i don't like shopping it's one of the things that can make be admitted to icu so what do i do when our daughter was young i used to carry her on what do you call them tourists when she got older she became more difficult for me than the mother in terms of shopping because the mother would take about an hour this girl can take three hours smelling things in the supermarket remember this thing can make me sick so i negotiated with them and i said can i be waiting for you at the coffee shop with my son as you do the the shopping and they agreed now i have been unable even to it for them in a coffee shop their list has been growing by the day so what do i do when they come home with shopping i carry their shopping i don't even correct call workers i carry the shop into the house even if it doesn't mean much to her i have to pretend to be participating in shopping because love is kind you know at home i'm not dr kenya jewelry when i go home my kids don't care that i'm in a suit they come jumping at me and people are more important than suits these things can be taken to the dry cleaner but if you keep blocking them for your suits not to crease then you keep losing people number three love is it does not love does not envy that means is celebrating the success of my partner read with me again number four [Music] there's no prayer if you ever sit with a mentor who tells you for two hours about his own achievements swap him up for a mentor who focuses on you truth about home don't just celebrate about one individual even if you've done it as an individual you must let your spouse know of what you have jointly done together let it be a joint effort or seem to be a joint effort because indeed it is let's read together number five it does not dishonor us meaning it honors others it honors the spouse that is to speak in high regard number six it's not self-seeking that means seeking the interest of the other person whether it's about bad matters whether it's about career development the interest of the other person comes first philippians 2 3 consider others better than yourselves look at your neighbor tell them you're better than i they're better than i that's the spirit in the scriptures number seven it's not easily that means it can be angered god gets annoyed he gets angry and he created us in his own image but he goes to tell us don't let the sun go down when you're still angry number eight don't remind your husband where he failed last year how he did not do shopping during christmas for your mother you know women a lot of them have a blessed memory which is biased towards remembering only the wrongs i encourage you find a way of deleting that record of wrongs number nine rejoices with the truth oh i always knew you're going to fail that's rejoicing with evil sinning succeed you are true but love rejoices you the truth it is celebrates when you succeed number 10 together now i decided to put the word always in bold always not some time if you ever suspect my muscle with anything don't ever make a mistake of telling me you'll embarrass yourself because i've not commissioned you or anyone will ever be born to be my reporter i understood something about marriage long ago always protects if you ever caught her in the wrong origin and you come to me i'll actually accuse you of doing what you're telling me and i urge you to have the same spirit why do you have people reporting to you about your partner how can they have the audacity to tell you you have opened an unnecessary widow number 11 all is trust not just in church not just christmas not just when you're in happy mood not just when you have received a payment from your client always trust number 12 always hope there will be a better tomorrow we don't have cash right now but we're gonna get it by august by december in two years time there will be breakthrough you're always hoping things are going to be better things are going to improve that's love where there is last you want everything attended right now with a sense of urgency where there is true love you'll always hope for a better tomorrow together and that's why some of the most stable relationships on the face of the earth are people who started together early struggle together not somebody who made things already worked out at whatever stage you come together it can work it doesn't matter so long as these principles are clear always perseverance why this will not always work out the way you want number 14 and the last one and the most important who in this live audience knows where i got this from this is not my original who can tell first corinians 13. now look at the screen this is verse 4 all the way to that full stop and this is verse 5 that's why i wrote it there six that's there was seven there was eight starts with those words love never fails how come love never fails that's the question before us how come love never fails now look at this god tells something dangerous to jose the prophet bring her back even though she's a daughter how can god tell a holy prophet to stay with a woman who is an adult dress how can someone love like this but god had already demonstrated it in the past rehab was a prostitute she's in the lineage of the master because she just believed in god's word by hiding her servants when they went to spread the land so god believes in people that you reject i don't know how many of you in this live audience if you met me at koinonga street being kissed entertained with kisses on their feet how many would ever come for this meeting again but once such a woman 2000 years ago was kissing the master because he did not have a mask that we like queering and they thought if this man was a prophet he should have known this woman is a prostitute he annoyed them more than more by going to the person who had stolen than the rest zacchaeus and then they said if this man was a prophet he should have known that this guy's a crook he has stolen from all of us but jesus then answered this is the reason why i came i didn't come for the whole i came for the sake that's the reason the physician came and that's the essence of sainsbury's nightclub here we don't judge anyone we are people of different faiths i teach god's word in the marketplace because everyone belongs to god's kingdom some of you have not hacked into his call and i'll continually call you to him but one thing i'll assure you in this place we will never judge you whether you respond to christ as savior lord or not will continue welcoming you whether you are muslim whether you are nervous love message is god's message how can someone act like that i'll tell you how what does it really mean love never feels i want to show you from scriptures can we read together this verse [Music] now look at this open your eyes if you can whoever does not love does not know god because god is does god feel god does not feel and god is love so god never feels so love never feels for love is god and god is love this is the only known where it's equated with god we have many attributes for god but none of the god is the prince of peace for example he's eternal many attributes but one thing goes out god god is love in fact there are many texts maybe i could only pull two so we know and rely on the love god has for us god is love whoever lives in love lives in god and god in him that's why love is god i don't know how to love without god and if you've been trying to love or do you struggle to laugh for so long until you find christ fully in you you will struggle to love for you do not have love within you for christ is love and love is christ that is his name love is his name have you been blessed by this video please like and share with family friends and colleagues great people are either sources of light or they are mirrors that reflect the light be a channel of blessings to others and hit the subscribe button to enjoy thousands of my videos free of charge

Channel: Dr. K. N. Jacob

Views: 9,194

Rating: 4.75 out of 5

Keywords: Motivational, talk;, Inspiration;, Preaching;, Teaching;, Personal, Growth;, Development;

Id: 7JBKL976voc

Length: 112min 3sec (6723 seconds)

Published: Mon Dec 07 2020