What Men want - 8 S’s for Married Women - Dr. K. N. Jacob

good evening ladies what a joy to see you here tonight gathered in such large numbers just to enrich your marriage tonight i want to speak to you on the subject what do men want this is a very common question among women especially if you consider yourself very beautiful and then you realize your husband moved with another woman whom in your own opinion is not as beautiful as you are sometimes when you take care of the children the home chores you cook for him you do the laundry you work you share the bills and he still gets he still gets out of wedlock it is natural to ask yourself what does this guy want what do men want and because this is a ladies conference i will not discuss the role of a man in marriage i will delimit myself to your role as a woman in marriage the bible says in proverbs 12 4 a wife of noble character is her husband's crown but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones a wife of nobility a wife of dignity a woman who carries herself well is the pride of her husband men and women in town are speaking about his wife this prolongs his life but the bible says a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones like cancer slowly eating him up to his deathbed a woman who doesn't conduct herself well a woman who fails in character and dignity a woman who does not respect her husband is like cancer eating up his bone marrows it's decay in his bones often different conferences i have asked women in one word what does your husband want in one word and almost everywhere i've gone over 80 percent of the women say in one word my husband is looking for respect amazingly enough i have asked men the same question what do you want what are you looking for and one by one they say the number one need is respect granted i agree this is the deal every man is looking for respect may therefore submit to you tonight there is a gap between knowledge and action between what we know and what we do between the information we have at ground reality while we know every man needs respect every man keeps most men rather keep complaining they are lacking respect from women so i want to take a few moments to break it down for you what does respect mean for men now these are not my original thoughts this is not my personal discovery this is data i've gathered from men's meetings i have asked men from different quarters what do you want what are you looking for so i summarized my notes from different quarters by asking men tell me what do you want from your woman what do you want from your wife so i have formed a list of eight essays eight essays in other words eight words each of them start with the letter s on what men generally are looking for in their wife in the woman in the woman in their lives so i will share with you eight essays every woman needs to master they need to be on your fingertips for every s word that i'm going to give you tonight i will give you a take away home are we together oh guys you're too serious relax okay the first s word what do men want number one speak speak and they take away tonight say it say it now don't bother up issues or stuff don't imagine he knows what you want men don't get hints kills and clues you have to speak to a man although you are speaking to an elementary school child in black and white think about this most of you pick your husband's phones to check which girl is chatting with my husband why do you do that simply because you know he cannot have an affair without communication communication is what makes us human that's what separates you from every other mammal everything else in you can be found in a cat or a dog or a horse but your ability to speak your might makes you unique makes you human when you don't speak you're reducing yourself to an animal by communicating through the same language with the exception of people who must use sign language like the people who have hearing impairment with all due respect to them but for the rest of us open your mouth speak it say it the bible says in fasting first timothy 3 11 in the same way the women are to be worthy of respect not malicious talkers but temperate and trustworthy in everything paul is saying it's not just what you're saying but why you are saying don't be a malicious talker don't speak out of malice and number two how you say it not just why you say it but how you say it look at this verse on your screen one more time but temperate temperate self-controlled you're deliberate on the choice of your words so it matters not just what you say but why you say it the motive then how you say it and when you see it there are some things that you don't have to say when your husband is on a hospital bed when he has just lost his mother when he has just lost his business or his job timing is everything no matter how important the message is timing is critical so the first ask speak it number two support the second s support the man in your life and the key word here your takeaway is mutual responsibility mutual responsibility now there are two broad categories of women matters responsibility one we have the stay home wives who are taking care of their home and their children if you are a stay home wife i need you to know you're working hard you're supporting your husband and men respect that there are many cultures where men don't even want you to go hustle in the marketplace they want you to assist them in raising your children with values in making the meal in keeping the house neat and lovely and clean perfuming the bedsheets keeping the light the right lights in your bedroom so if you are working at home you are doing a phenomenal job but we have another category of women who are working or they're in business with their husband business of their own or they're employed in the corporate world in our governmental institutions or in religious organizations they are what we call the working-class women and if that's you then support means share the bills with your husband their times have changed their times are hard do it together i like using the analogy of a bicycle it's amazing how you cycle the pedals one goes up one goes down so when the rate pedal is up the left pedal is down sometimes you'll be required to support your family for a while all by yourself he's in between jobs he's just lost a job the business has gone in flames so this is the mutual support that we are talking about albert einstein said life is like riding a bicycle to keep your balance you've got to keep on riding keep on moving you can't keep your balance if you stop riding a bicycle the bible says in proverbs 14 1 the wise woman builds her house but with her hands the foolish one tears hers down build your house by supporting one another in my house we don't have masses money add my money we have one kitty mercy has a business in the hair and beauty industry for beautiful executive salons she brings her earnings into the family money i have a training business as you all know i'm a conference speaker and a corporate trainer we pull our resources together our energy together there is nothing like our money and my money but our money even when we need to send money to our parents we do by consultation we do it together i never ever send money to my mom mercy does she never sends money to her mom i do we decide that we will not allow our beloved parents whom we love and respect to come in between us or our sisters our brothers our friends our church members we decided to do everything together so we agreed on these groud rules even before we wedded we plan our money together we budget together we share financial responsibilities we finance we share duties together so support your husband that your husband is looking for support number three what does your man want that is your man is looking for safety safety and the key word here is when he fails when he fails regrettably a lot of women walk away from the man when he loses the job when the business goes on flame that is an indication your foundation was weak when your mind needs you the most some women walk away from the man the bible says in proverbs 25 24 better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife if the moment i need you the most is when you're poking my nose and my eyes even when i need you the most that's when you're tearing me emotionally then i don't need you king solomon is saying i better live on the top of the house be exposed to elements to terrible winter to scorching heat during summer i would rather be attacked by mosquitoes on the roof of the house rather than share a house which is comfortable with a woman who is destroying my morale here is the deal ladies you derive your identity from who you love men derive their identity from what they do so when a man fails over and over again in his career in his business when he's bypassed in promotion that's when he needs a shoulder to lean on that's when he need encouraging words inspiring words this is not the moment he needs you to tell him be a man be like so-and-so figure pointing will tear your house down your mind needs to know there is a safe space to vent it's okay to fail and rise up again he needs to know it's okay to make a mistake that's tough rise up because to all is to human to forgive is divine marriage is a union of two forgive us we must learn to love our husband even when the going gets tough number four what does a man want a man needs space what we call me time personal times and the key word here is time accountability time accountability it's okay for some men retreat watching soccer cement retreat taking a walk in the park like me that's what i do that's when i hear god the most you know we hear loudest when we are quietest when we are most quiet the quieter we are the louder we hear if i take a hike i walk in the park especially near a waterfall that's the time i even receive reverations on the message i'm going to share with the church and girls children around the world many people who follow me online every single man needs some personal space but others they will just relax at home watching tv and they don't want sailing they don't want noise that time they want to cave in the ultimate man whom we emulate whom we look up to the other and the finisher of our faith jesus of nazareth from time to time he retreated all by himself matthew 14 22-23 immediately jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side while he dismissed the crowd while he dismissed the crowd after he had dismissed them then them the disciples after he had dismissed them he went up on a mountain side by himself to pray later that night he was there alone jesus was preaching to a multitude a large crowd he dismissed the crowd and then this dismissed his disciples his closest friends he was left all by himself not with his mother not with his siblings not with his disciples not with the people he ministered to all by himself with his father with god praying meditating having quite time requesting his vision re-strategizing talking with the father about tomorrow look every man needs me time i'm telling you the truth what is important for you as a woman is to know where your man is for how long with who now me time or personal space does not exclude accountability it's not a license to switching off the phone on you that's not what i'm talking about at any given moment you must know where your husband is with who doing what so for example when i'm preparing for my sermons and meditating through the word of god i normally request myself to allow me to retreat to myself in a park but she knows exactly where i am and sometimes she knows i will switch off the phone or leave it in the car but the thing is this she knows exactly where i am in case of any emergency she knows where to get me but more important than any emergency is the need to be transparent they need to be accountable we must account our time as husband and wife you have a right to know what your husband is doing at any given moment he has a right to know where you are doing what with who even if you are unwinding with your girlfriends he needs to know exactly where you are taking your coffee but you see for men often than not we don't unwind with other men around women are much more social than men often than not we want to and worried all by ourselves so please when your husband requests for personal space to be quiet that does not necessarily mean there is a problem it doesn't mean there is necessarily an issue that is yet to be resolved now he may just be looking for quiet time the fifth s number five now this is a huge one number five is a huge one what does your man want this is the hugest s e x sex sex he needs sex so the key word here is when he wants i know that's tough for feminists but i'm telling you what the word of god says i'm not giving you my personal thoughts or suggestions sex in marriage when he wants when either once because this is the latest meeting i'm telling you when he wants you must yield the rule of thumb when either ones both must want when either is ready both must be ready first corinthians 7 1-5 this is a text the apostle paul was writing to the church at corinth they had asked him a couple of questions concerning sexual immorality that was in that church and paul ruled verse one and two listen now regarding the questions you asked in your letter yes it is good to abstain from sexual relations but but but because there is so much sexual immorality each man should have his own wife and each woman should have her own husband paul is saying your husbands are going out of your marriage because your marriages are sexless your men are depraved at home they are not sexually satisfied they are been denied their conjugal right and this is one reason that is making them to go out there listen advice to again but because there is so much so much sexual immorality each man should have his own wife and each wife should have her own husband so that we reduce we minimize sexual immorality vastly the husband should fulfill his wife's sexual needs and the wife should fulfill her husband's needs the wife gives authority over her body to her husband niv says the wife yields her body to her husband and the husband gives over his body to his wife do not verse five do not depress each other sexual relations unless you both agree unless you both agree paul is saying there is only one condition under which you can't have sexual intimacy in marriage that mutual consent unless you both agree to refrain from sexual immorality for a limited time limited time so you can give yourself more completely to prayer afterward you should come together again so that satan will be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control paul is saying you can pray and fast fast food fast drinks fast sex and immediately after that you commit adultery because satan can tempt you so even immediately after prayer and fasting come together and be intimate paul is saying one reason why sex exists in marriage one is pleasure one is procreation one reason is to avoid sexual immorality that's the word of god so sex in marriage when either once not when both want when either is ready meaning if you are ready and your husband is not ready he must perform his marital duty if he is ready and you're not ready as a woman you must perform your morito duty this is not a request this is an obligation it's a duty it's not a favor paul is saying this is one reason your husbands are going out of wedlock because you're manipulating them sexually you are deciding when to have sex at home it's not your decision forget it in as long as you're a child of god washed by the blood of jesus christ sex in marriage when either once because this is a ladies meeting sex in marriage when he wants when your husband is ready you must be ready what's been ready being ready means don't sleep at the extreme corner of the bed being ready means honoring your husband with your body means yielding your body to your husband means make sure when he comes to bed he can feel you get closer to him let him touch you if he doesn't initiate more intimacy you have done your part you have done your duty you are verbal you are next to him but when you sleep one corner of the bed and your husband does not reach out you are still manipulating him come right at the middle of the bed sleep there let him feel your body so that it is much easier to communicate a message i honor you i respect you i yield my body to you now i've spoken this message severally so let me encourage you to go to my youtube channel look for my videos about sex and marriage there are many one of them is the three secrets of marriage check go to my youtube channel dr k and jacob and check for a message dubbed the three secrets of marriage i've even i have another message in my youtube channel sex in marriage sex in marriage and if possible listen to this message together messages together with your husband let me also encourage you please look for my marriage online course my marriage online course winning in marriage i've shared seven principles in marriage sex in marriage in loss in marriage that parties in marriage expectations in marriage love respect cycle money in marriage anyway this course is available it's available for you it's available you can do this course together seven modules there are assignments not academic assignments practical assignments that are going to build up your marriage oh my goodness let's go to number six are you learning anything what does your man want number six security man needs security and the key word here is be faithful be faithful my personal you know people write to me from all over the world i receive hundreds of messages in my inbox adding my email from different cultures different nations let me tell you something interesting men are more insecure than women are men are much more insecure let me prove my case in almost all the emails i receive at inbox messages and people i cancel one-on-one and those who book for my executive coaching almost 80 percent of marriages where a man had an extra marital affair were able to recover and to heal and to normalize over 80 percent of marriages where a man cheated a man had an affair they were able to recover 80 percent of marriages where the woman cheated and she was caught by her husband never recovered 80 percent of marriages where the woman had an affair those marriages never recovered why men are more insecure than women this is not a justification for women to tolerate husbands who are cheating this is a call for you to do your part you are not responsible for somebody else's role so long as you do everything you're supposed to do as a woman the eight essays i'm sharing with you right now so long as you do your part it is not your business to ensure he does not cheat it's your business to ensure you do not cheat you cannot control the behavior of someone else you cannot take responsibility for the behavior of someone else regrettably some women cheat because their husbands cheated let me let me caution you right now don't take poison because someone else has taken poison if you get involved in an extra marital affair in the name of religion or averaging your pain because your husband cheated on you then you cheat on him you will end up hurting yourself all the more because you're yielding your body to a man who does not love you to a man who does not respect you to a man who does you are yielding yourself so sex for a woman is the highest level of submission when you sleep with another man you are sleeping the man who displaces you who despises your husband you are sleeping the man who displaces your marriage you will end up hurting yourself all the more if you can't forgive your husband reconcile and build your marriage the bible gives you leeway to break that relationship you don't have to stay in that relationship the bible gives you permission to terminate a relationship where there is sexual immorality matthew 5 32 matthew 19 4 the bible permit frees you where there is sexual morality to divorce but you know what if i were you i would first seek to give him a chance to repent because i am also vulnerable when you know you are vulnerable if you live in a glass house don't pick rocks to throw at your neighbor's house if you know you're vulnerable to cheat you should be the first one to forgive your husband and to give a chance to reconciliation while you have a right to separate with your husband i would personally recommend give a chance to your husband reforming i would only leave my husband if he becomes a pathological cheater a serial cheater he's consistently having affairs he's a prolific womanizer then i'll dismiss him with no hard feelings but if this is a one night fall where they went for a corporate event and he misbehaved i would first give reconciliation a chance because i'm human jesus said forgive seven times the same day can i think i'm tempted to read that please let me let let me just get into scriptures and i want to go to the gospel of luke maybe this is going to help someone here jesus said in luke 17 4 let me start verse 3 luke 17 3 and 4 so watch yourselves if your brother or sister since against you rebuke them and if they repent forgive them even if they sin against you seven times in a day seven times in a day and seven times come back to to you saying i repent you must forgive them so long as they repent forgive them can you imagine jesus is saying even if he comes the same day and says i repent forgive them why sometimes some of you know this let's be very fair very frank some of you have cheated your husband more than you'd care to admit some of you have cheated but you have never been caught it is not that you're much better than him but you have not been caught because women by nature are more sleed caution don't cheat because he has cheated respect yourself respect your marriage forgive him or terminate the relationship don't agree both of you to get down there you see the bible says in hebrews 13 4 marriage should be honored by all and the marriage bed kept pure mother should be honored by all both men and women and the marriage bed kept pure for god who judged the adulterer adore the sexually immoral god who judge your daughter you do your part don't worry about his part you do your part because god will judge the adulterer keep your marriage bad pure keep your vows pure respect your marriage honor yourself honor your husband honor your marriage number seven what do men want service the seventh s service and and the takeaway here is invest in your marriage invest in your marriage the part of peter writes first peter 4 8 most important of all continue continue continue to show deep love deep love not superficial deep love for each other why for love covers a multitude of sins love of a luke's thoughts mistakes and weaknesses one more time love overlooks weaknesses mistakes thoughts love covers a multitude of sins most important of all continue to show deep love for each other long after the honeymoon show love years after your honeymoon don't just keep it in your heart and in your mind show love demonstrate love illustrate love love never spoken is not love speak your mind let him know you value him you love him affirm him approve of him speak it do things that i express love learn to hold each other's hands pat each other shoulders and backs kiss him show love deep love why where there is love people never part ways people never fight where there is love love congress sin love covers a matter of sins express love be generous in expressing love express love liberally generously don't hold back that's god's word be creative as a woman find out how to spice up your marriage do your part he will do his part buy him some sexy pants show love number eight and the last one the last s the last s savior every marriage needs the savior and the key word here is pray together if you don't pray together you will stray apart if you pray together you will stay together every marriage needs to be saved from itself from self-destruction every marriage needs to be saved from conflict from quarrels from affairs every marriage needs to be saved from our ego our human pride its pride that reduced at that of the ages to demons pride was the first scene in the universe superflated eagles massaging your ego have in your own way and god is calling us back to agape the love of god the true love in your devotional time look for one of my videos in my youtube channel a video dubbed true love true love you're going to learn eight types of love and the highest love is agape the love of god selfless love sacrificial love so james 4 7 so humble yourselves before god resist the devil and he will flee from you he will flee from your marriage marriage is an attack from the enemy the enemy knows if he attacks marriage he destroys preventing if we destroy parenting we destroy generations we destroy nations companies churches the fish bone effect like there's no bone there's no ball effect if i destroy the marriage i destroy workers i destroy leaders i destroy politicians i destroy pilots and doctors and teachers and lecturers and engineers nations collapse because virtues and values are well taught when the father and the mother are together if i destroy the marriage we will have single parents or kids raised by grandparents and let me tell you mothers every child needs their father every child needs the mother's love and the father's authority the father's discipline so the bible says humble yourselves let me tell you this no marriage works unless god is in the center the enemy attacks marriage than any other thing because marriage is god's idea marriage is not the invention of the church marriage is not the invention of hollywood it was god's first institution before there was church before there was a country before there was a community god first created marriage marriage precedes family children are not part of your marriage children are part of your family marriage is complete with or without children marriage is complete whether you have biological or adopted children or zero children god created man and woman and he said it's not good for this man to be alone he didn't create children for the man he didn't create women for the man he created one woman polygamous is outside god's will you know some people are confused they quote how jacob and abraham and david and solomon were polygamous there is not a single verse in scriptures where god supported polygamy on the contrary jesus said i have to read that one for you i'll read that for you uh let me let me read matthew 19. listen at what jesus said verse matthew 19 i am reading verse number four and number five and number six matthew 19 4 5 6. haven't you read he replied that at the beginning the creator made them male and female and he said for this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife not his women his wife one woman and the two not the 10 nor the 20 there two will become one flesh so they are no longer two but one flesh therefore what god has joined together let no one separate the two not the ten never agree to a polygamous arrangement this is a deception from the enemy the fact that abraham was polygamous and dividend solomon does not mean that's god's will what other men of god did does not mean does not necessarily mean it is god's will abraham slept with the house god that was outside god's will god's promise for a son was with sarah david slept with bathsheba somebody's wife uriah's wife that was outside god's will the fact that david did it the fact that abram did it does not mean it is god's will if you want to know god's will listen to what jesus is saying there too will become one flesh god created them male and female and the two become one flesh intimacy sexual intimacy one flesh enters another flesh they become one flesh that was the original will of god you can never separate you can never part ways your marriage can never end up in divorce i tell you today if you kneel down together every day as a couple and pray together and invade the holy spirit to be the master and the lord of that marriage every single day for the last 18 years six months in my marriage with mercy every single day we kneel down together and pray together when you pray together you are able to receive the devil look at james 4 7 again when you submit to god when you have a fellowship with god a relationship with god james 4 7 you now can resist the devil you can kick the enemy out of your marriage power does not travel through words power travels through a relationship without a relationship with god you can't command the devil out of your marriage the sons of skiva seven of them tried to cast out demons they had no relationship with god the demons beat them up because the devil does not respect your words the devil respects your relationship with god power travels through a relationship not empty words there was jesus spoke the devil obeyed there was jesus spoke that tom's obeyed the words jesus spoke sicknesses and diseases obeyed and they left people when jesus cast out demons they didn't argue with him they didn't debate they left why jesus did the will of the father jesus had a relationship with the father a great while before sunrise every single morning mark chapter 1 verse 35 jesus went to a solitary place there he prayed he had a relationship with his father intimate relationship with his father i repeat mark 1 35 a long while before day jesus left the house went to a solitary place all alone every single day there he prayed there he connected with his father when you submit yourself to god when you humble yourself to god every statement you make is obeyed in spiritual realms without god no marriage seminar will heal your marriage it's okay to improve yourself to develop yourself to invest in your marriage but let me tell you no matter the strategies you use without guarding that marriage the devil will have a loophole and he will start confusing the two of you and pulling you asunder separating you god must be the center of the marriage he's the one who began marriage and then you as a couple cultivate your marriage marriage does not work marriage is caused to work be intentional be deliberate go out to the beach together hike together must say every single year we have a major holiday major holiday every single year and then we have every quarter a small holiday three to four days and then every week at least three times we go out i know that's difficult for many of you to believe i'm telling you the truth and nothing but the truth and i'm glad masses in this conference and she can confirm that you can see that she's raising her hand she's confirming that that's the truth we go out for coffee we go for dinner we go to work we go to hike together she's by far my best friend bff best friend forever let your husband be your best friend second only to jesus jesus is that friend who sticks closer than a brother who sticks closer than a husband shall we pray father in the name of jesus name above all names i bless this your children i bless every woman who turned up for this conference and the millions who will listen to this video recording online many who will be able to watch this youtube video and they're going to struggle through their marriage are about to divorce or to separate they have tried their very best but now they're on the verge of giving up right now i started as your servant in the name that is above all names in the name of jesus christ the son of the living god i speak life to this marriage i speak life to your marriage in the name of jesus i command the enemy to lose your marriage to lose your husband in jesus name you and your husband will walk in sexual purity in financial integrity you will love one another in the name of jesus this marriage will not break in the name of jesus your marriage will be the example the mortal of many marriages from now henceforth god is refreshing your marriage in the name of jesus walk in victory walk in power walk under god's favor god's anointing is on your marriage right now in jesus name the lord bless you and keep you the lord bless you and be gracious to you the lord bless you and turn his face toward you in jesus name amen shalom hey were you inspired by this video kindly like and share with your friends family and colleagues and remember to subscribe to my youtube channel dr k and jacob and enjoy hundreds of inspirational videos free of charge

Channel: Dr. K. N. Jacob

Views: 483,727

Keywords: Motivational, talk;, Inspiration;, Preaching;, Teaching;, Personal, Growth;, Development;

Id: cWe9lqy3CWs

Length: 48min 5sec (2885 seconds)

Published: Fri Jul 30 2021