Making Marriages Better - Dr. K. N. Jacob

good afternoon thank you so much for coming you're looking very good if you're sitting next to your wife or to your husband tell them you're looking good yeah and before before i say anything else you are actually the winning marriages you are what is strange about marriage seminars and i've done many in different countries it's always the working marriages that attend seminars that is uh that is the strangest thing the guys who fight the most won't even come for for seminars marriage complex subjects someone said marriage is when a man and a woman become one trouble begins when you try to find out which one and you see when a newly married man is happy we know why if a man is still happy 10 years later we were the hawaii that's why they used to advise us open your eyes wide before you get married and then shut them up for good thereafter i heard of a story of a woman who charged the husband and she said you know our new neighbor kisses the wife every evening after work why don't you do the same and the husband replied how can i do that i don't even know her marriage marriage is both an art and a science the outside of marriage is about the best way of doing something it's about dynamics every marriage is unique every marriage has its own dynamic simply because we are different every woman is different every man is different however marriage is also a science and that's why we're here because there are universal laws and principles that work for everyone see laws don't care your age your color laws don't care where you come from if you follow them you reap the benefits if you don't follow them you pay the price see it doesn't matter whether you believe there's gravity or not all you need to do at the end of this seminar is to climb at the rooftop and jump down there to test and before you hit the ground you know the law of gravity does not respect your status your agenda your career it's there it was not discovered by isaac newton no it was there before adam it's a god's instituted laws newton may have inscribed it in writing he may have computed how fast objects fall down but it was there it was there before and that's the primary reason why we're here tonight now our marriage is big it's huge it's complex we can't tackle everything and i know i'm conscious your expectations tonight are very high they will not be cut short but what we need to do is to have the limitations boundaries of how much we can cover i'll cover only three items what i will suggest however if nemo can facilitate this later is that those who are interested we can take their contacts and create sort of a marriage club you don't need to belong to this church but we can make this we can follow up on you and say maybe after four months after six months we can come back together and do item three four five after another season we can do a couple of items and in between we can be discussing and i can be answering your questions so long as you keep that or that group exclusively for that purpose without sharing other stuff and we can do that we've done that with different groups they're groups i coach overseas because they have such a forum so we can agree about that what is important is to be teachable and here is the deal all dead things are rigid stiff brittle and dry whether plants or animals whether a shark or a mahogany tree when they die you can easily break them when you try to bed or shape them they break all living things are pliable malleable moldable shapeable anything that is living you can shape it when you find yourself resistant to change rigid you are dead and the older you are the more you resist to change age is not a factor here is resistant to change so when we are teachable we can learn from one another scripture says iron sharpens iron and regret a bread i'm not trying to be biased over the years ladies have been more flexible in learning than men if you don't believe me check how many people turn up for seminars generally speaking so i'm requesting our brothers it's going to be very challenging for you tonight that i'm going to share with you uh it may not be to your liking i will serve it heart as it is in my heart so can we just pray and invite the lord here gracious lord we thank you this afternoon may you be the speaker through my lips with the holy spirit take charge of this meeting sultan the heart of every man every woman that we may learn from you we may hear from you and we may make better marriages in jesus name amen for the sake of our of having them tonight i'll just correct making better marriages and i will share the items and i understand nemo has already told you we will record it's not for the public domain this is only for you just in case you may want to make reference to what we shared tonight so i i share with you three items today and then we focus more on questions item number one leadership leadership marriage and leadership and if you follow me on facebook there has been hot traffic in the last two weeks because i've been talking about men and leadership and let me start by saying this i need to remind my brothers here you proposed to that girl she looked very good gorgeous awesome and then the average man begins to complain after you box her you get her on board she becomes yours suddenly we start seeing weaknesses for the same girl you could not sleep without calling or maybe in those days you didn't have a mobile phone whichever method you didn't want to stay far away from her but when she became your girl suddenly we begin to complain and the number one complaint from men she's a control freak she's manipulative and so many seminars i separate men and women as them technical questions that's the number one complaint she doesn't respect me she doesn't honor me she doesn't submit she controls me she manipulates me she controls me everywhere in bed finances how she had us her parents her siblings that's the number one complaint from the man so i want to remind the man i want to start with the man and remind you you propose to that girl your woman your choice and the charge we have these days in the society is that people hardly want to take responsibility it is a challenge at national leadership and every single level every single level so you'll find a president just as an example i don't want to get into politics will take credit for high economic figures but not liability for high covered figures that's the nature of man we want to take credit for the wins but we will never take responsibility for the liabilities for the losses for the mess so i won't suggest this today for the record if the man is the head of the family as the bible says as you are captured also then he has to take responsibility for the success of his institution in plain language if a country fails the president fails or the prime minister of the king depending on who leads if a company fails the ceo and the board during their watch if a local church like this one fails the senior pastor must take responsibility if your marriage fails as a gentleman you must take full responsibility not passion it is important to say i'm also married i'm not above what i'm telling you so this has been my stand for the last 17 years nine months later i'm married to mercy who is helping us today with the recording and if by any means you ever hear my marriage has failed i wanted to hear these words i have said them before you can get them on my youtube it has nothing to do with mercy or my mother or my children or my church or anyone else i am responsible let me say this there will never ever be any success until someone takes full responsibility the challenge with the society right now the box stops nowhere so when i talk like this and i make such radical statements men tell me no no there must be the role of the man and the role of the woman as though i don't live in the same world you live and let me say this i've had the privilege of interacting with couples in many countries many places this nation are alone i have done marriage seminars in at least 12 states in at least two states and i have asked people difficult questions sometimes i've done seminars for three days and i say this there is no company that will succeed above its ceo no nation will rise above its president stop defending a president if there is corruption stop talking about the deputy it is the president you can't be a school principal the deputy is stealing money and somehow you're not aware that never works so i repeat this is the starting point john maxwell says everything raises and falls on leadership that is his statement i agree with him now when you break this down to marriage it's very uncomfortable because while on one hard menu they are the heads of the families we blame the woman when the marriage fails then what is leadership if for example you feel there is a problem with the leadership in america and that's the reason you want to cast ballots then in the same vein take responsibility for your marriage that's my message and i'm talking to men here and i want this to sink if the marriage succeeds then you have to take the full credit at the head if it fails don't start explaining to me about the dynamics you know doc you're lucky your life is different she's good what's wrong with you someone can take the same woman you divorce and make a happy marriage with her it's all about leadership and that's where we start right now so the problem in most marriages is how we have been captured how we've been trained in the past because traditional counselors used to hold seminars to teach women how to submit we taught how to be a virtuous woman for a long time people never saw this light that actually nothing works until the leadership works this is the primary reason people have to do elections in different countries analyze at national levels and you can't tell which country does well by just checking the leader i've heard people talk let me give an example geology i've heard some people say how he inherited a great church which is true the father left a church of about 5000 people can i also tell you probably left a church mega church it's not there today so i need you to know this geology is a great leader period the father could have left such a church and 10 years later the church does not exist it is not leadership is not just someone starting something but even maintaining it is a greater responsibility if you become president when the figures are very high it is even tougher than bringing something from ground zero that's the reality of life and i can show you in companies in churches in countries but it doesn't matter how well it was doing in the past is a question of the leader who comes on board their back must stop somewhere in marriage now marriage in scriptures is compared with christ and i'll keep making reference to how christ behaves with his wife his bride the church ecclesia he says i will build my church and the gates of hate shall not prevent against it matthew 16 18 so jesus takes full responsibility for his marriage he doesn't attribute the success of the marriage to apostle peter or apostle paul or to me or to anyone in case you've been feeling like the church is too corrupt the church has really backslidden we are no longer led of the holy spirit in case you've been feeling like we are not where god intended us to be you're wrong things are unfolding as god intended them to unfold anything happening today was prophesied nothing catches god by surprise are there false teachings today yes it was prophesied in the last days people will hire teachers to tell them what their itching ears us onto here elijah complained the same that the church has collapsed i'm the only one left go to the boy you're so lost i have seven thousand more you've never met not even church members leaders prophets alone i have seven thousand more trust me jesus took total responsibility for his bride he said i i not we not us i will build my church and nothing will defeat my church no gates of hate shall defeat my marriage every husband the only way for that marriage to succeed is to reach there so look at my eye for the record just look at my eye my marriage cannot fail oh what did you say doc yes it can't it's impossible either my life and my marriage is working or i'm dead it can't feel that's pride that's your problem you must reach that place where you sit current and your confession breach your possession eternal unnegotiable in fact in terms of another woman in my heart it's a delete function that's the case i settled 22 years ago four years later i married 17 years into marriage i have preached the same gospel and you must reach that point where you're saying this is a negotiable it's not a discussable issue what are we even negotiating when a leader reaches that point that assurance that confidence you've given your woman that marriage can never fail the challenges we are feeling in leadership so matthew 16 18 jesus said i will build my church the box stops with me no blame games so long as the back stops nowhere so long as you keep reminding me there is a man's responsibility and a woman's responsibility so we don't know who to blame let me tell you you've already lost it it's a question of when not whether it's a question of when not whether the day of body of your marriage is surely coming so long as the bag doesn't stop anywhere if a ceo says i take responsibility for high turnovers the capitalization of this company and when the figures go under the sales team the strategy the marketing team the hr they recruited the wrong staff members that ceo should not even be in that company in the first place i can give you examples of countries that are doing well ian smith ran a great nation called rhodesia he predicted that a black man would win the economy one black man with seven university degrees robert mugabe ruined the economy where did you hear 10 million percent inflation rate high perflation one man destroyed it and i'm telling you right now if ait was run by the white man that country would be doing like hawaii or like the neighbors the british virgin islands kenya airways was run by a white man it was doing extremely well it was harded over to a black person followed by another one they have now improved from 27 billion sheldon's laws to 25 billion they have improved loss loss the pride of africa now is the shame of africa why blame games the board the employees politics blame games the only way to win is the back stops with me those were the words of harry s truman when this nation u.s degenerated to corruption after the great depression he decided something has to stop he took total responsibilities not the republicans is not the democrat and that's when the interstates were built much of the growth you see in the u.s today was done in the 50s when harry s truman said the bug does not even stop with the we with the congress or the senate or with my cabinet secretaries it is tops with me and he put an inscription at the president's office the box stops with me the country changed lee changed singapore cigar de dre and now you need to observe what is happening see of china and these policies the park has to stop somewhere nothing works until the leader works that's what i want to sell to you that's the word of god i will build my church but let me say this to the ladies in our midst you must support the vision builder we can't run two parallel visions in a home let me read for the ladies in our middle east what the scripture says ephesians 5 22-24 ephesians 5 22-24 wives submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the lord for the husband is the head of the wife as christ is the head of the church his body of which he is the savior now as a church submits to christ so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything in everything how many things everything please let me hear the ladies again in how many things everything that means if there are two projects to be done at home and there is a stalemate you follow what your husband wants and i thank god that mercy has been very supportive in this there are many projects we wanted to do and massey had to allow me to lead the family not long ago we were buying a car that she wanted a certain type of a car but i said no i think we're going to do this car and that was the end of the story we never get into arguments with that and i think she's a great example to the ladies listening to me here if you degenerate to an argument with your husband submit let him fire have the final word not he raises the voice you raise your voice just the way you cannot argue with the lord the bible says why submit yourself to your own husband us unto the lord as you do to the lord some versions as you do to the lord he leads you follow you submit to the will of the lord not your own will as jesus submitted to the will of his father over and over again he said i'm doing the will of him who sent me and because he submitted himself philippians 2 god has raised him up and given him a name that is above all names that are the name of jesus every initial bow every tongue confess that jesus is lord every knee in heaven on earth and under the earth every age in heaven every man every woman on earth every devil under the earth everyone will confess most of them going to hell jesus is lord to the glory of god the father and this is the challenge that paul is giving to the church inefficient submit your husbands in everything meaning in bed some meat don't argue don't manipulate him don't control him if the man wants to have some good time with you you submit submission is the heart sex is the highest level of submission in marriage now watch this i'd prefer to quote the scripture but some of us need to hear it slowly so let me just open it first colonial seven and i will read verse three to five first colonial seven three two five i'm reading about submission in sex the bible says the husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife and likewise the wife to her husband the wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband in the same way the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife do not deprive each other exert by mutual consent and for our time so that you may devote yourselves to prayer then come together again so that satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control here is the word of god your body as a man belongs to both of you your body as a woman belongs to both of you the rule of thumb in marriage i'll drill this until it sinks in your system sex in marriage not when both want but when either ones sex in marriage is not when both want but when either ones esther tell your husband what i'm saying this is what i'm saying to you what's the name of your husband simon if simon is ready and you're not ready you must be ready that means if you are tired from work but simon is hot both of you must be hot how you do it it's your problem yeah figure it out simonite means if esther wants to have you and you're not ready you must be ready not when both of you are ready not when both of you want but when either of you wants that's the rule sex in marriage is the highest submission from a woman because when a woman is allowing a woman a man to enter her she has surrendered her everything she has given her all i'm reading this text in the light of submission meaning failure to submit in bed is controlling your husband is manipulating him any form of manipulation is witchcraft and people who practice witchcraft are known as witches don't be a witch witchcraft is when you're doing something against his will it's manipulating someone against his will i have cancelled a lot of couples and one of the areas we have discussed with many couples is sex the bible instructs your body does not belong to you alone but to both of you not your spirit the two become one flesh jesus thought you don't become one spirit you don't become one soul that's why in matthew 25 jesus explained at the rapture of the church two shall be lined together in the same bed one will be taken one will be left there will be a believing husband who will participate in the rapture and the wife is left behind there will be a believing wife who will participate in the rapture of the church and the husband will be left behind why you don't become one spirit you don't become one soul that's why you cannot divorce your husband because he's a crook or he's a drunkard you can't scripturally speaking the bible gives you one condition infidelity or physical verbal abuse people never see abuse in the bible let me show you mark 10 verse 5. let me show you what jesus said people think it's only about infiderity they asked jesus why moses gave the certificate of divorce and he replied is because of the hardness of your hearts mark 10 it's in all gospels sorry in three gospels matthew mark and luke i just elected mark let me read verse 4.5 this said moses permitted the man to write a certificate of divorce and said her away it was because your hearts were hard that moses wrote this law jesus replied but at the beginning of creation god made the male and female for this reason blah blah blah blah blah a man shall leave his father and mother and the two shall become one they are no longer two in fact the bible says one flesh here's the deal he said it is because of your hardness of heart that they are given a certificate of divorce here we are not discussing infidelity they are permitted to divorce because they were killing each other rather than dying in marriage then a certificate of divorce was given meaning if then you realize you're going through physical emotional abuse then you have grouds to ask for divorce does the bible advocate for divorce absolutely not that's why jesus said it was not so from the beginning god says in malachi i hate divorce but because people have become evil there had to be a cloud for exit when your life is endangered so let me say this number one the leadership belongs to the man let me go to item two i have only three items then i receive your questions three items i believe if you came with a an open heart to learn because that's what we have been taught over the years traditions we have pursued for long which i may need to say the fact that something has been done for so long doesn't make it right the fact that you you personally have practiced something for so long does not sanitize it you can have a long wrong experience someone can be in business for 30 years and never qualify to guide anyone in business they never make it meet it has to work for you then out of the overflow of your cup you can feed others so being married for 50 years 40 years 30 years 20 years 10 years doesn't necessarily make it right because two people can have different opinions about the same marriage i have met so many couples where a man thinks they are happy married until you talk with a spouse i do wonder whether they are describing the same marriage we can be in deception item number two provision provision this has been a debate so i need to say it in daylight before it gets dark from the beginning of time it was man's duty to provide to his family to provide in his marriage every culture understands this simple concept and i want to show you from scriptures paul the apostle believed this was enough crowd for separation let me let me let me just get to scriptures first timothy 5 8 first timothy 5 8 let's just get to scriptures if anyone does not provide for his relatives and some versions for his immediate family and especially his immediate family he has denied the faith and is was the non-believer let me break it down for you if there is a man who is a bank robber and he succeeds in robbery and brings food home he is better than the believing husband who watches tv and waits for the right to bring food home if you cannot provide to your family as a man scripture says you are worse than an infidel your worse than an unbeliever i can't tell you how many people i know who are creepers blight deaf who provide to their families some of you know the revered jackson coast guy the father of emmy koski who raped his family with a certain degree of affluence they lived a high-end life he was crippled by polio at the age of five and got a chance to go class one at the age of 20 yet he provides to his family and yes i have met professors who are deaf the others who are blind what excuse can a well-abled man give before god why he is not providing to his family if you cannot provide to your family stop any debate i'm telling you right now you are worse than forget about the muslim and the hedo i'm talking of the pagan who has no idea about god but provides to his family your worst that's how terrible it is before god every single work at home belongs to you as a man let me break it down for you because we need to understand your wife is a helper that was god's view genesis 2 28 i will make him a helper meaning all work belongs to adam eve came to help all work god assigned adam all duties all duties about eden all duties including looking for food bringing food home preparing the food whether it was peeling the fruits everyone needs to understand this simple concept washing the clothes your work doing the dishes is your work cooking is your work making the bed is your work cleaning the house is your work doing homework with a child is your work leading prayers at home is your work bringing food at home is your work she comes to help only when you understand that you are not entitled when she prepares dinner you can say thank you when she does loudly you no longer have the spirit of entertainment you can say thank you that my clothes are well done when you understand the work of yours she came to help then you have no entitlement when you understand she's a queen and a prince to be adored to be admired then every effort every input she puts you're able to appreciate you see in many homes and many cultures there are many debates about the work of a man and the work of a woman now i want you to look at me because i'm dealing with real paradigms here there is no such thing in the bible all work belongs to the man all the woman is a helper when you understand this truth and she's working and brings money home you're able to say thank you you're able to appreciate now many men don't like this doctrine why we have gotten it wrong for so long look at me keenly and let me be very frank with you and like many of you here i don't cook in our house i didn't come here to pretend how perfect i am i'm telling you the truth some of you i know you cook at home i don't i don't do loudly in fact i don't even know how the washing machine or the dryer operates and i'm not ashamed about it i'm not embarrassed about it however though i don't cook at home the only thing i do is fixing my own coffee i do recognize my work so what do i do every single meal master presents on the table the lord is my witness and she's there you can ask her i every time not sometimes not sometimes every single mirror i've eaten for over 17 years i've always said thank you darling every meal so i didn't come here to cause division among your choice or to define what you should do and what your children do i came here to define an attitude it's recognizing that the work is yours so when you're helped you're able to say thank you if you are lucky like me where all your loud race done if you're fortunate like me where food comes on the table and you don't know how the dishes are done speak in new tongues if you're not as fortunate as me pat herbert and wash the dishes together you have nothing to complain don't leave here and go home and say even dog does not cook shame on you that's our home that's not your home all luck belongs to you if you are helped thank you glory to god she came to help in this church if you come to organize the lights and the south system we will tell you thank you definitely we will not take it for a ride we will not take it for granted why you are not employed here to help with the saud and i do all the time that to our brother chaga here to andrew to all the people who help they are not on payroll that's the same attitude i'm saying you should have at home eliminate entitlement and learn to say thank you then go beyond providing and never talk in public how you provide in your house who do you think should have provided there are things you should never talk as a man don't talk about how you pay school fees for your children who do you think should pay school fees for your children don't ever talk about how you bought them at home food who do you think should have done that do you want another man to do that so go beyond that and he said this is my bride i will go build that and send her a text every day when she's working to say i love you thank you for the love making last night it was hotter than any other day i miss you bye pass by a fashion line buy an outfit every month give us a prices every time i asked women what they want from their husbands we differed in many things but one thing all women said they won't quality time one thing all women said they want some surprises they want to be appreciated privately and publicly they want to be affirmed they want to hear from their husband i love you your thoughts don't bless her open your mouth and say i love you copy the lord jesus christ he repeats over and over again i love you with an everlasting love i will never leave you nor forsake you i am in you and you are in me i am with you always to the cross of the age over and over again he gives assurance i love you your woman wants to hear the word i love you not just when you are having sex she wants to hear those words during the day every day whether you're in the mood or not when she dresses she wants to hear those words that must hear us every day every man can do that you can swallow demonic prayed because prayed is from the satan and copy jesus christ who is able to say love you only the devil can stop you from saying i love you it is pride that reduced edges to demons wanting your ego to be massaged for what pride never gives us anything there there is no known benefit for pride just be humble and break the ice as nemo is doing today break the stairmate don't engage in a debate who should start start you're the leader leadership is initiative don't even debate about who should initiate sex in our bed start why are you waiting for someone to start leadership is taking initiative that's where the word leadership comes from to lead to show the way don't wait for anyone to lead prayers at home do it you're the priest in that home many christian children don't even understand our values they can't tell you what is our start matters abortion they can't tell you our third matters homosexuality they can't tell you our stand matters divorce they can't tell you but every muslim family they know every judaistic family they know why muslims are well taught of their father he is their first teacher he leads prayers in that home five times a day that jew father is fan of prayers in that home three times a day men who are in a christian family mama or gaza hobby only in a christian family where the man is not a priest i decided many years ago if i don't practice something i will never teach it i can look at your eye before the lord and tell you this i lead prayers in our home every day we read a chapter in the bible every day it's not negotiable the only day we don't do bible study in our house is sunday because they do it in church if you can't submit to christ why are you shocked she's unable to submit to you learn to be at authority because every authority you have is given you picked it from the lord it's given authority so i suggest today go beyond providing to that home and provide what she does not expect providing to your family is the line not providing is sitting below the belt you're not even a husband so go beyond that and begin to adore you she is your reflection jesus said through the lips of paul the apostle and to present her to myself the kind of a bride i want a radiant church without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish but holy and blameless ephesians 5 27 to present to himself such the kind of a bread he wants a happy woman is a reflection of a great man behind her a miserable woman is a reflection of a bully behind her women don't know how to fake marriage happiness is written all over their face and when they are harassed it's written all over their face i only need to take dinner with a couple here and within a couple of minutes i will tell a free soul from one who is miserable because they can't even talk when the husband is there the spirit has been crushed over the years their voice has been silenced they have been cowed into silence so in his presence they are cold so here's the deal your woman is a reflection of who you are your true character you can act holy in public be a deacon but far too many women suffer in the hands of men of god man of god because we never learn these principles so i suggest today present yourself the kind of a woman you want what does that mean to you it is your responsibility to take her to the hair salon to take her to manicure her nails to buy her a pair of shoes get to know her brush size her pant size if your cutter does not allow that your money should allow that your wallet should allow that yeah either you know how to surprise her with bras or you can figure out how to give her money to get them yeah and kasha i love that i love that and for the women in our midst here is the deal since the bible says you're a helper help him in everything help him in everything men need help in the bed men need help in the shower let me show you men need help everywhere in parenting in the kitchen every single room may need help help him in the louder room in the closet we need help everywhere when you earn then learn to give you money to plan that's hard for women so i need to emphasize that as long as your man is a leader he's giving you direction he's giving you initiative it's no longer your money but our money our resources don't argue about it don't do stuff secretly you are earning for him you are earning for his family otherwise be a housewife if you don't want to account as a woman what you earned we can't run parallel visions in a home if you off one head add another head that's a monster a marriage can only have one head otherwise you have a dinosaur or something worse so let this sink you are a helper so it means if you are earning some five thousand dollars and he's earning five thousand dollars then he's earning ten thousand dollars i didn't say you are on in both of you he is he is the provider you are helping of course there's a caveat to that that is a leader he's giving you direction he's taking initiative for the good of the family and here is the asset test i give every woman for the support you give to your man three things simple three things the asset test money time passwords let me explain he must disclose his money all his money all his earnings and his expenses all his earnings and his expenses you have no reason for not disclosing your income unless you have a side mistress unless you have a side plan unless you are insecure with this marriage so you have an out scheme you have a plan b just in case this thing backfires i have some secret bank account some secret assets and you don't expect me to support you if you have some secrets so some men make it difficult for the woman in their life to support them financially if you cannot be transparent and you cannot be accountable how do you expect her to be accountable you have not given leadership in the area of finances we try to ignore this subject money and sex is the elephant in the room i will never ever do any marriage seminar without mentioning them of all things that could compete with god jesus seek without one money he said you cannot serve two masters you can't serve god and money the god of money mammoth that's the only thing jesus figured out compete with our god the only way for you to be sure he is in this marriage for life is disclosing his money jesus said where your treasures are there your heart is three things disclose your money this is the acid test both the incomes and the expenses number two disclose your time money reveals the condition of your heart your values your priorities time discloses your life let me give an example if you are having a mistress you have to spend time with her and you have to spend money with her either you're going to a lodging so you're paying for it or you're going to a house you're doing shopping for her there's no free lunch you're not getting it for free you're spending time with her and money with her and the third thing passwords you can't make an arrangement with a mistress unless there's something you're hiding on your phone or your laptop disclose your passwords in my house i have two children or can i be carried to mercy we have two children and guess what we all use the same password and the reason we use the same password otherwise we would not have password is because i might be going somewhere and someone else might take my laptop or my phone so we don't want the public to access it but as a family we all use the same password our atms if you manage to rob one of us you can clear out our bank accounts it's the same pin number that's the deal and over 95 percent of the time it's money whose it must have spent money in our house because what am i buying seriously i even wonder why men keep money because the things honestly i buy apart from my coffee which is compulsory for me i will buy after years they are the small projects all the major projects are in her hands and that's the secret of our marriage all major projects massey does she decides where we are going to stay she decides our food she decides our clothes she decides our grocery she decides everything in that house which frees me to make major decisions in our home i only make the major decisions should america attack iran those are the decisions i focus on i focus on international agenda right now i'm focusing on elections in the u.s then massa can focus on vegetables and clothes it keeps me international so i make those major decisions and here for on a serious note over 95 percent of anything we do with our money is actually mercedes-benz that's the truth so i suggest this to you as a man you're looking for total support from this girl give her total assurance that you have no other plan in heaven and on earth she is the only plan in your life and the only way to give her that assurance three things disclose a hundred percent your money your time your passwords naked and not ashamed no secrets between the two of you that marriage anything else both of you are cohabiting everyone is a single father or a single mother but you're cohabiting in one roof my third item and the last one now before i give you my last one are you learning anything my third item and my last one love submission debate so the first item was leadership taken on provision the third one is love and submission this is a huge debate what comes first when a man doesn't feel respected he doesn't love his wife when a woman doesn't feel loved she does not submit to a husband what comes first this is a huge debate i want to tell you very clearly right now this is not a cycle as many books have written there is clear direction from scriptures there is zero competition love comes first love comes first and i'll able to show you that and i'm done for the day we can deal with other issues later but i would want to labor to show you love comes fast this is not a cycle because some people tell me dog don't teach the way you teach the bible does not give conditions the wife should submit whether the husband laughs or not the people who tell me that i'll tell you that's not true that is simply not true look the bible commands men to love as christ loved the church let me just read then we pick i want us to pick a point a very critical point maybe this should be your take home for some of you ephesians 5 and i'll look at two verses 24 and 25 24 and 25 now listen now as the church submits to christ so also wise should submit to the husband now listen the woman submission has a caveat there's a raider as the church submits to christ so also wives should submit to the husband there's a writer as the church submit to christ let's look at verse 25 husbands love your wives just as christ loved the church there's a writer it's a caveat just as christ loved the church i pray god you see this truth the gentleman in our midst as christ loved the church christ loved us number one unconditionally two love came before submission let me let me draw three verses i would have given you many the bible says in first john 4 19 we love him because he first loved us we love him because he first loved us we didn't first submit and then he loved us no we submitted because he first loved us that's the word of god john 15 16 you do not choose me but i chose you jesus is bragging he's the one who proposed to his bride not the other way out so he first loved us he first chose us then we were able to submit to him romans 5 8 but god committed his love toward us in this while you are seeing us christ died for us he didn't love us when we were righteous he didn't love us when we started praying he didn't love us when we began worshiping while we were as sinners jesus died for us they settled the argument he first loved us for god so loved the world why doesn't it say the church why does it say the world it's an indication of sin sinful man rebellious man them he sinned the more he loved us the more we crucified him the more he loved us nothing can separate us from the love of god which is in christ jesus not height nor death not the present or the future no principalities no powers no demons no ages poor rights in romans 8 can separate us from the love of god which is in christ jesus so christ first loved us and then we submitted to him he first loved us and then we submitted to him let this sink love precedes submission submission is a response to love from christ's perspective submission is worship we submit in worship in reverence in honor to him [Music] husbands if you love your wife like that she will submit as the church submits to christ we come here to worship every sunday why he first loved us greater lovers no man than this that a man lay down his life for his friends this is the epitome of love he laid down his life for his bride and now he's calling upon every house but lay down your life for your bride love your bride as i love my bride love comes fast make no mistake if she's not submitting to you you don't love her according to her definition of love you have never understood her love language i repeat there is no woman who is unable to submit if you learnt her love language and loved her the way she wants to be loved that love is irresistible the bible says love covers a multitude of sins most of the issues you see in marriage right now there is only one ingredient only one thing that can deal with it the man's love if he's able to love his christ dead she will naturally respond in submission she will respond in bed she will respond in the kitchen she respond with her finances she responds only knew everywhere i reap the benefits of what i'm teaching you right now and the next time you come here we are going to do a questionnaire for me to check the health of the marriages i've done that several places i needed to buy in so i didn't want to give you before you buy into the vision of of you realizing marriage can't be fixed by a singular marriage seminar it has to be a journey we need to work together and i repeat you don't need to become a member of this church you only need to purpose i want my marriage to win then we can work together we can journey together we can reason together you can ask me hard questions without being judged even when you disagree with my teachings you can bring it on the table then i can explain it slowly so let me repeat gentlemen if you feel your wife is manipulating you is controlling you is not submitting to you is not respecting you does not honor you then she doesn't feel loved affirmed honored and loved to a woman is not complicated it is a simple daily axe you exhibit every day it's not about a great honeymoon it's not a surprise of a mercedes-benz car it's not a surprise of a martial aid it's not a surprise to honolulu for holiday on a cruise ship from here all the way to southampton in the uk and back it is a daily act of respect and honor and recognition appreciating when she dresses up she is doing it for you why are you denying her the honor it is saying thank you after dinner is saying thank you after intimacy it is simple admiration i love your laps and your nose i like the way you did your earrings today i love your makeup i like the way you celebrate me before other women i love the way you accompany me to church i want to thank you for taking me to that marriage seminar they are men who wanted to be in this marriage seminar they lack the support of their wives i want to thank you that you're working and you are earning at your transparent with your finances i want to thank you for the way you treat my mother i feel so honored the way you groom our children they have all learned how to cook they have all learned how to do their dishes and to do loudly i love the fact that you don't cheat on me so many men are complaining and spying on their wives your thoughts don't bless her you need to repeat these affirmations every now and then every woman feels insecure because these things have been denied she keeps demanding them from you and then you wonder why she doesn't submit to you a lot of men never get it over 90 percent of men never get it it's not a big revelation from heaven some of the things you're praying for you're wasting time the bible says my people perish due to lack of knowledge there are so many things in your marriage they will never be fixed by prayers they'll be fixed by what i'm teaching you how many christians pray for money show me one scripture where somebody prayed for money from genesis to revelation god gives a formula for success and prosperity not a single person in this whole word of god prayed oh god bless us with money oh god give us financial breakthrough not one man show me where they were praying for marriages in the bible the principles i'm teaching you work for muslim families they work for jews they work for pagans it's like the law of gravity you plant you reap you give you receive whether you are believer or not great billionaires the likes of bill gates they know this they are the greatest givers warren buffett has given billions and billions let me tell you something the principles i'm teaching you work for everyone they work they don't respect religion we are supposed to be the symbol of christ's marriage with the church we are supposed to be the example the admiration of every other religion on this planet but we've lost it because we have not understood the principles i have seen many women going for overnight prayer meeting praying and fasting for their marriages yes prayers have the undeniable place and in less than five minutes i'll pray for you before q and a but this is what god will do through prayers he will send you a servant of god like me when you pray god will make your paths to cruise with another couple that understand marriage if you don't submit your husband no prayers will ever fix that marriage if you don't love your wife no prayers no fasting will fix that marriage if you don't enjoy sex life my goodness let me not get there oh my god i need one hour to talk about sex i think the next seminar we will have i will focus on one item sex only but for now if there is no sex in that marriage both of you are brothers and sisters in the lord period and it's okay for you to continue as bible study members i'll show you when we meet marriage is sealed by intimacy and i'll show you from this from the word of god the heathens understand this when they are not able to enjoy each other each other's love they quit believers never get it and finally if you cannot support each other financially you have no marriage zero it doesn't exist the real test is whether you can put all your resources together where your treasures are there your heart is the only reason you can't put your treasures together is because you have parallel visions you have different views about posterity i want to pray for you right now before i pray for you i'll never forget on our wedding day massive father did something that i never understood until about three years later he gave an envelope and it was a very big envelope to the church and he requested the pastor who was officiating already to be prayed for he didn't talk he didn't say anything he came up with an envelope i never understood what that man was doing fathers in law don't do that during weddings but here that's to the importance of giving an offering for our marriage he decided to give an offering to the lord for our marriage they'll ask you this get an offering you can give in this church you can give you near church you can give in any ministry throughout scriptures god judged people's hearts by the ability to give an offering i want to pray for you shall we pray lord i want to thank you this beautiful evening for your goodness for your kindness thank you for these wonderful couples who came in this church i lift up my hands on your behalf lord jesus and i bless these marriages and i decree and declare all these marriages will flourish all these marriages will thrive none of these marriages shall ever collapse help them to work every issue together help them to grow in their marriage help them to bring their resources together we bless your name i speak your peace your happiness god shalom over their lives over their marriages make them one item matters in law one item matters communication make them one in the way there is their children bless them in every area of their lives oh god some of them have traveled from farm i speak your blessings for this effort they have made may the seed i have sold today in their lives germinate grow and yield results in their marriages 104th we bless your name we honor you o god in jesus name we pray amen and amen [Music]

Channel: Dr. K. N. Jacob

Views: 40,178

Keywords: Motivational, talk;, Inspiration;, Preaching;, Teaching;, Personal, Growth;, Development;

Id: tyHeXU8wf0s

Length: 69min 24sec (4164 seconds)

Published: Thu Nov 05 2020