From Heroin to Hollywood: The Story of Mike Majlak - IMPAULSIVE EP. 181

and like I could like try to help other people so much but like there will always be those things that I can't get rid of you know I'm saying like that are just there and so uh that was definitely my that was definitely lost boy for sure you know sidetrack because I'm sure you'll get your hair cut eventually but I have fall-off in time if I need something from someone that I haven't talked to in a while sometimes I'll just shoot the text yeah with no with what's it called like really no greeting no wishing well and then I have to do it afterwards and it's always weird oh hey how and also yeah and I'll say it all so I hope you're doing well and it's a little fabricated you know like if you want something you gotta you gotta you gotta go on it welcome back to impulsive the number one podcast in the world you guys might notice the Energy's a little different today because we are missing someone like Mack is switched seats completely just hopped across the table on the new Coast he's replacing Mike and Mike's Mike school he's a good guy and so he actually decided to make this whole entire episode about him for the first time ever mike is gonna be the guest on impulsive because you guys may or may not know today is the day that his book is being released it's called v vital and he's spent probably a good the better half of a decade working on this piece of work and I cannot imagine how stressful that would be how much weight is on this so I'm excited as a friend to pick his brain and also seeing his journey hearing the stories late at night you guys have just have a little taste I've been able to dive deep into this man's brain I had the privilege of listening to it now everyone has the privilege of getting to read his book and learn about his mistakes and why he's been able to trans transform his life into what it is coming from literally the lowest of the lows that you'll hear about today so ladies and gentlemen you've seen him on a hundred and eighty plus episodes of impulsive he is our co-host our roommate our business partner and our best friend it is Mike Malik ladies and gentleman published author [Applause] this feels wait I was gonna ask you like no that's wrong I like I can tell you already this is not okay boys really doing a switch we actually can i okay the guess okay you are the guest Mike and it's it's crazy because we were talking we're like we're like I wonder if Mike's gonna be able to fill the space this podcast the one a pockets where you are supposed to talk you think you're gonna be able to do it the pressure is immense yeah I can imagine honestly already need a break I can imagine stressed out that serious Mike horrifying for me I don't like being on this side of the desk even though I'm always trying to command the attention when someone says here you go it's yours I get sweaty I get hot and I get nervous yeah and that's exactly how I feel bro embrace it absorb it and by the way how could you not I've been I've been having a conversation with Mac and people are on the house and it's like that book that you're holding in front of you the fifth vital I care so much for you and by proxy I also care so much about this book because this contains your life in it this is your life in a novel and you said something to me you're like bro hey what if people don't like it that's my life this is not like a piece of fiction that you made this is nonfiction and it is directly correlated to you as a person I cannot imagine the term amount of tremendous stress and emotion that you're going through with the release of this book your first one this week has been stressful it has been I'm already stressed I'm already tired I'm already anxious and now I'm doing shows I'm doing shows like this I'm doing interviews it's uh eight years eight years of work has gone into this book and the book itself contains the you know 26 years that led into that and so the the amount of this book means to me it means to my life is is tremendous why I why I love this for you not only as a friend but as a as a peer is cuz typically along the timeline of a youtubers life they'll do a couple things with a venture off they'll make a song start a podcast publish a book and I have to stop you and say this chair goes back so far lock it on the side there's Chilean I know so a lot of youtubers that release books I would I would feel confident in saying there's not 5% of the substance that you have in this book this is this was a thing that you told me you were making before you even like knew what a YouTube was one of the very first things you told me when we started developing our friendship was hey man I don't know if I've told you this but I've been like writing a book for the past five years about my life because I also don't know if you know this but I've been addicted to drugs for for ten years and it claimed a better portion of my life and I'm putting into a novel and I write you know every every night and the fact that it's coming to fruition now I just want to pick your brain about it and I know a lot the answers to a lot of these questions but I'm gonna give you because beyond the eons of wisdom that you've imparted to me and the impulsive audience this book is a side to you that people have not seen and ensure our goal is to sell the book be your goal is to sell the book but I'm here to help but also there's a lot to be taken away from this yeah I mean this book is it's everything it's completely uncensored when I wrote this book there was a million times where I went back and forth with myself and said is this appropriate is this something that you want to tell is this something you want people to know and every time I didn't I from a macro standpoint the easiest way for me to say this is I did not want to really I really did not want to tell this story it was not comfortable it done it did not feel good to tell the the story that I told in this book it hurt it was painful it brought back memories that mmm I already am choking down right now because it the feeling associated with those memories is so painful to me when I first started writing it there was going to be a lot of censors censored stuff there was gonna be a lot of stuff that I kept out and it was gonna be a cookie cutter story of drug addiction and rehabilitation when you gave me a platform or a sniff of a platform no pun intended and people started messaging me and saying yo your story makes me feel this way your story I have struggled with this I've struggled with that my mom did this whatever your story makes me feel okay makes me want to keep going even some people who said your story makes it makes me feel like it's okay to be 27 without knowing exactly what you want to do for the rest of your life because I was there I was 33 with no idea what the [ __ ] I wanted to do with the rest of my life as soon as I started hearing that stuff I never I never cut another thing really I brought back everything that I had cut that is everything it's everything it's every sick twisted regret disgusting thing that I that I can't wrap my brain around how bad of a state that I was in to have done the things that I did is in this book I know I know some of these stories why are you comfortable with people knowing these things about you I'm not I'm not comfortable with it to be honest with you I somebody asked me one of the reporters done a bunch of interviews a bunch of press on the front side of this book and one of the reporters asked me how do you feel right now like knowing this is all about to go out and I said it feels like someone is about to pull my pants down in front of the entire world and I know it and there's absolutely nothing that I could do to stop it and so uh was the question you said you're 9 that's what I'm saying because Mike I've had the pleasure you're a great orator you tell great stories and you're hilarious and I've had the pleasure of some nights a little gem of a story will slip out of your mouth and I'm like I go well pause rewind what the [ __ ] are you saying some of these things you have are like straight out of a movie and that'd be crazy if one day this was adapted to a movie already in the talks no no way yeah yeah my partner and co-author Riley J Ford has already had a couple or one of her books for sure go and be made into a Netflix movie so she's talking to them about this one already I would love for that to happen but yeah I mean I can kind of give some context for people who don't know your background like I'm sure you've touched I'm like what were you addicted to well let's jump into it how bad was it as bad as it could get as bad as it could get this is not a this is not some like yo I have a over prescription of xanax and I don't really like how they make me feel so I'm going to stop this was a ten year day after day bloodbath fight to the death bout wave the the addiction to opiates and and amphetamines and xanax and everything under the [ __ ] Sun I like to consider that I was one of the Forgotten ones and and people have already asked me and maybe you would you know who this book was for why did you write this book you have a you have a youtube audience who wants to see you you know jump off the roof into a ball pit mhm do that why are you doing this this this book is for the people who have nothing left to live for they have no hope left and that's exactly where I was from the age of 18 years old when sorry 16 years old when I was given my first oxycontin in in a hospital bed because I'd broken my femur the feeling that that gave me the relief that it gave me over the thoughts that have spawned in my head since I was a kid and the the relief from the pain I felt physically emotionally mentally the that was then followed up by months of pain killers being prescribed to me and I've been through that loop about five times for different surgeries that I've had in my in my life when it came time for me to be when I was 18 years old I tried my first knocks down the streets oxycontin I sniffed a 20 milligram of oxycontin and from that day I always remember the days it was right down the street from my high school I was actually 17 I was a junior in high school by the time I was a senior in high school I was a full-blown addict and I couldn't go to school I couldn't I did but I would sweat very similarly to the way you've seen me sweat on the show but not from nervousness but from withdrawals opiates I have two things one I think it's incredibly noble that you were as raw as you are in this book for the sake of the people who were going through what you went through don't take this offensively but but when you were in that stage and during that decade of battling substance abuse and addiction were you reading or you consuming content like like well they will they take the proactive action of reading a 300-page book it's it's a great question it's a great question and and my the answer for me is no it depends on you know it depends on the level the Attic depends on how desperate their life is depends on what you know their living arrangement I mean when I was for the majority of my addiction and the majority of the time that I spent dependent on drugs and and and whatever I had no home do you know I'm saying I slept on couches I slept I've slept in trunks of cars I've slept in I've slept outside slept on the street and there you know there was never a time where I was like yo there's a new book about to drop except for one time and that was when I when I took my first step to get clean I went to rehab and you find yourself in a hospital setting with no hope but well actually let me let me rephrase that you find yourself in a hospital setting with a brand new hope and a and a brand new kind of lease on life yo I might actually do this every time and a lot of people a lot of people who deal with addiction go to rehab multiple times but every time you go it's just a little spark like you know maybe this is the time and their family says yo maybe this is time he gets it right and they have that little hope that's when you that's when you want this book that's when you want this book that's on the way you know when when you're in rehab when you're in rehab you have nothing to do you have no you you go to groups you you you spend a lot of time by yourself reflecting thinking about things that you regret or things you wish you could have done better how you would have treated your wife better if the circumstances weren't the way they were and you have a lot of time to read you have a ton of time to read I read a lot when I was in rehab and uh and so this is a guy I think it's a great piece for for anybody and I think we're in a different age now a lot of the people that do reach out to me on Twitter on Instagram on Facebook or whatever or are currently addicts you know I have two years five years eight years I've been shooting heroin I can't believe you're releasing this book like I I've been going through this for so long and no one's ever spoke for me I've never seen a celebrity I've never and especially a youtuber I've never seen a youtuber wow they look that is fast and so yeah I mean if it for people that can get it it's it's it's great and I would and I will get this book to [ __ ] rehabs I will I don't care if I have to buy a thousand copies myself like this book will be on the Shelf it should also be said that Mac took the recovery I did which is awesome yeah Mike I know your mom yeah yeah know your family Robin I know your sister yeah they're their gems all of them so sweet so kind how does a 17 year old from Connecticut New Haven Connecticut get addicted to drugs with a loving family mother sister father everything well that I think that's like the biggest part of the story is that it quite literally can happen to anyone you know what I'm saying and it is it is I mean the the biggest the biggest story here is this book is a story of the past and it's a story of things that happened to me and I want it to be a tale of hope so that people can climb out and and hopefully live whatever version of successes for themselves but the bigger story here that's partially told and that is ongoing and present is the fact that more than 2 million people in this country right now are going through the same exact thing that I want they're your brothers they're your sisters they're your best friends or your mom's your dad's your teachers your janitors the people that you knew as a kid growing up but haven't heard from in 15 years everyone knows someone who is struggling with this opiate epidemic that has claimed thousands and thousands and thousands of lives in this country how did it happen to me in the early 2000s there was a there was a tidal wave of narcotics prescriptions written and in all honesty a large chunk of my graduating class was was an opiate addict by the time they graduate in high school all of them would loving families all of them with with nice white picket fences dogs all that [ __ ] but there was such a saturation and so such a massive amount of these pills that when they hit they it was a tidal wave whose the tidal wave and there's and there shows about this like the pharmacist on Netflix right now that are massive tell tales about Purdue Pharma and their over prescription is this isn't the actual I was gonna read the the what's a call in the beginning the preface no the or thanks your thanks or the I get shoutouts what are the knowledge meant some knowledge mints yeah you gave the acknowledge acknowledgments to everyone who you felt played a pivotal part in your life and then at the very end said to Purdue Pharma that dot [ __ ] you yeah you've been very outspoken about the opioid epidemic I mean imagine if there was one beer imagine if there was one kind of cocaine that was everywhere it was just one brand one [ __ ] brand did this one company bro with all the thousands of other competitors all the other thousands of pills on the market one pill did this the holy grail of narcotics it unlocks econ you you trace back any opiate addiction story right now and there's a ton and which is another reason I almost didn't write this book did the prevalence of those stories is saturated as [ __ ] yeah yeah unfortunately for my competitors they don't have millions of subscribers and Paul podcast but uh but um it all traces back to one place Stamford Connecticut how ironic the last city I [ __ ] lived and worked in before I moved here Purdue Pharma I'm calling conspiracy crazy he did it to himself this the the Sackler family one of the most powerful families in the world produced this magical they called it the the the miracle drug the miracle pill is oxycontin it was gonna be the pill that solved all of the problems of the chronically ill you take this pill it's got a time release seal on it when you take it the the the pill with it the seal will allow the pill to to be released at a pace so the person can take one pill and be good for two days now these are terminal cancer patients or chronically acute with a Q pain somehow whether they knew it was gonna happen or not as soon as that pill the streets people found out how to take the time really seal off of it I learned how to take the time really seal off a toxic on around 17 years old in my friends Mitsubishi in this in the past nursey is he played bone thugs-n-harmony I sucked an 8 an 80 milligram oxycontin seal off which then rendered that time release completely useless and allowed you to obliterate the pill and turn it into proscribed heroin Wow and at the time prop right prior toxic on back things up 20 years to when your parents party to my parents partied there was quaaludes we had we had wolf of wallstreet on the show yeah there was quaaludes there was always uh different pills for mood boosting and this and that and there was percocet there's vicodin Purdue Pharma put thirty two percocets behind a time really seal thirty two so when you look at that pill you say oh that's a pill I've had one of those I've had it I've had a percocet before I could eat oxycontin and you just left your your first play as a freshman your freshman in high school and you go to a party and you played basketball at night and your team won and somebody says yo this is like a percocet man take one of these 80 milligram oxy chokes to death on his vomit in the backseat of the car freshmen high school that story is happened or happened to her cell phones $1,000 helps to do it at at chalk at high school yeah our gender or the generation right above us I think I've told you this in our city that was my that was that would have been me right our high school was nicknamed heroin hot right you guys had a real big play yeah hey just missed us but I did I until I got to know you and you explained to me this this problem I was not aware of how how prevalent this the opiate epidemic was yeah yeah it's massive like I've talked to you about this this is actually scary to say but it happened to me I'm 14 had kidney surgery and started taking pills and then I wanted to take more and then I would get more not not seeking them but their doctor prescribed did you know that did he ever tell you this he actually you did you did your heroin addict I'm not heroin addict but I they prescribed heavy opioids and once you start taking these you taking them because it makes you feel good I actually I I will I will not take the pain meds after my surgeries they always give me vicodin and I never and I cuz I am too afraid to go down a hole that I'm not I have an addictive personality and I know I know that is not a place I want to be ignored of you and Noble and it brings up another conversation that I've personally wrestled with and every addict deals with on a daily basis which is the question of choice versus disease mmm massively argued point is addiction a disease currently the way that the medical community states it is a chronic treatable disease but there are a lot of people out there who say but whose choice is it to try drugs in the first place hmm it's a vet it's a valid point it's it's it at the very least something that I'm willing to argue or debate hmm whose choice is it to get sick so so the people war first prescribed that's a whole that's the main art like your prescribed narcotics and you become addicted to them it wasn't your choice right Sutton and the crazy people will say well I've had certain not the same way you're saying but I've had surgery and I didn't take pain pills so other people should [ __ ] do that like there's some blanket answer which there's not but there's always this ongoing debate and the the biggest story that's that's in this lightly I wish I was I wish I talked about a little bit more in the biggest or we need to talk about today is that there is a unbreakable eternal bond between substance abuse and one other very important topic which is mental illness the link between mental illness and drug abuse is pretty much 100% one-for-one if you find a drug addict you've probably found someone who suffers from some of the semi immense level of mental illness so to say that it's a choice for someone to take drugs for that first time you are discounting or not taking into account the mental illness that may have pushed someone to try drugs for the first time and and so listen there's a lot of people out there who luckily have the luxury and this is another excerpt I wish I could pull up this book is [ __ ] loaded with these points in the in the after thoughts I I wrote this piece that said to the person who has never suffered something along the lines of may you understand the luxury and the privilege that you have been awarded in this life may you also I pray that you also see the importance and the ability for yourself to spread the light that you have been given to the people less fortunate and understand and I've said this on the show and is I think the most clipped part that has ever happened besides O'Reilly read deep throat but when I gave that speech on depression yeah on Evans episode which is now the most viewed episode if you know someone out there who's struggling with depression or anxiety or drug abuse or self-mutilation I urge you to find a way to add some sort of value to that person's life and that usually comes through self-discovery patience just trying just a little bit harder to be empathetic to what that person's going through and it's not easy we talk about this all unless it's it's it's fascinating how it comes through self-discovery cuz for me patience the word to use is like the thing that I I need to I need to get better at it should I be ever we probably won't happen again but in a scenario where I could be helping a friend now or so my light what my attempt to bring the light to the world is because I do feel blessed in that like I wouldn't say I suffer right inherently and a lot of people do my light is my attempt to do what I do make content an attempt to get people away from whatever the [ __ ] going on just distractions yeah yeah except I know I know it can be better with the people around me and it is coming through self-discovery with like like you said patience is the biggest thing from a delivery um empathy which we've talked about before on the show it's it's super internalized the answers the answers aren't floating here you find them within yourself and and then and then project that onto the people that you love and say you care about this is a deep topic yeah it's it's and it's tough too and it's tough to like this show is supposed to be upbeat and supposed to be it's supposed to be exciting and on especially you especially you're gonna be fun like and to be to be this guy like is uh it really is a challenge for me cuz I want to laugh I want to joke around but it's like it's like every time I make a joke or every time like talking on the last episode or the one that comes out after it's like every time we're gonna like cash a cheque for something like mean like meaningless thing that I do it's like I have this little thing in the back of my mind that's like you what are you doing for the use of the next generation what are you doing for the people that are at rock [ __ ] bottom right now what are you doing and try to make those people feel better it's always in the back of my mind do you know what I'm saying and that's this that's this that's this is what I hope is my offering to those people that they can read this and that they could feel better did you have a did you have a rock-bottom moment in all this lost moment like truly what was what was the lowest point in your life and is it in that book yeah there's there's a bunch of um the majority of them for me we're centered around my mother um you know my mom you know how close I am to her yep and you know like how important she is to me you know I'm saying and so the majority of my the majority of my of my lows and my rock bottoms were resolved hurting my mom you don't I'm saying it's a it's a there I don't know that there's a pain in this world worse than hurting the person that made you do you know what I'm saying or worse than hurting the person that gave their all to make you who you are and to keep you alive as a child you know and uh and so the majority of my regrets and my pain comes from that but but honestly I guess it's connected to but I've talked about this a little bit but my rock-bottom my true rock-bottom was in in 2010 I started a new drug because I was offered it in my lowest you know non-thinking point of my life crack cocaine and bro crazy like think about what I'm [ __ ] saying to you right now no like think about I'm saying to you like I was I was just a regular white Connecticut kid and I and I put white on it just because whether it's you know for whatever reason but crack cocaine is generally thought to be an inner-city drug right and so your suburbs Mike knowledge in your privileged middle class communal class community and and at one point someone offered me crack cocaine and I I tried it and what what ensued was a was the worst year of my life and ironically or sadly and unfortunately that time coincided with a another massive struggle in my mother's life which was her starting to come to terms with the fact that her father was about to die and my mom and my grandfather were that one of those storied mom dad relationships my grandfather fought in Okinawa survival World War two survived the Great Depression was a warrior and and provided against all odds right for my family for my mom and her brother she loved him so much and when she found out that he had Parkinson's and dementia and he was going to unfortunately die in a state that we talked about what just happened to your yeah grandma it ruined her it I could tell and I write about that in the book it destroyed her inside and she and it came to a point where she had nowhere else to turn she she didn't have enough money to put him in a home they were gonna repossess his house it just was an unfortunate unfortunate circumstance and she said I think she just like dug within her and she was like hey like can you can you go wash after Papa like all you have to do is these three things like everyday just make sure he doesn't [ __ ] leave the house kill himself like fall down the stairs like you shouldn't be doing these things and and everything inside of me wanted to be like yeah mom I could do that well maybe like six months to a year into it I hadn't started this new drug and there was a day when my grandfather was in his recliner he was downstairs and he was he was just screaming like help me help me help me help me help me like he was even stuck in the chair he couldn't get up and he had to go to the bathroom and he probably was like peeing [ __ ] himself and was just in in the worst way that you could ever imagine and I was in the Attic smoking crack I was paranoid and I couldn't help my grandfather and like honestly like that that moment will never be erased from my mind it's like I can do I can do so much and like I could like try to help other people so much but like there will always be those things that I can't get rid of you know I'm saying like never just there and so uh that was definitely my that was definitely lost boy for sure did you know it was a low point then there's you just keep going on doing what you were doing no I knew I knew I knew I was in trouble I think at that point it's just wild to imagine but like for people that get into that kind of place in their life that there comes a point where you there comes a point where you accept the fact that you are you're finished your most uh no no you're done it's over it's over there was there is I I was I was going to go out as Mike may lack the heroin addict that was my that was my my life I was 20 I was 25 years old and I was I had accepted and so had my mother my mother had accepted that fact we weren't we even even when she had me move into her father's house she was at peace with the fact that her son had was that was going to die to this to this or epidemic so it was open you your mom knew about this oh yeah there once you become that level and you get to that level there's no way to hide it my parents knew that I was a drug addict when I was 20 years old when I was hurt or even 19 years old they knew something was going on was their open conversation about it or was it just slipped on the rogue I was a I was a I was a psychopath I was a psychopath you couldn't like this this that the majority of this book is stories that you when I first worked with my first partner on this and and similar so a lot of people ask me like how did you write this book cuz you I see another authors name on it I wrote every part of this book word-for-word every single piece of it there's not a piece that was written for me what I needed someone to come in and do was organize strategize where's this gonna go how is this gonna work when I brought the first one in and he started reading it he kept marking sections of the book and saying you can't say this because it makes it seem like people want you to it makes it seem like you want people to believe it really happened oh and I go no no no that that [ __ ] happened there's either proof of it there's a cop that has a report of it like the stories in this book are so [ __ ] up are so [ __ ] up bro that there's the majority of people probably will be like yo there's no way this could have [ __ ] habit like like the amount of times I've seen the inside of my body it's horrifying the amount of times I've seen bones [ __ ] shattered like I've woken up in pools of blood with my foot here my left foot here right here dude next to my head I love this story he tells it usually it's funny or not so serious that was the skin yeah what do you say you saw it your foot next year heads to my head more than a half an inch and blood all around it I looked I open my eyes and they're people that was when I had my first oxycontin because of that accident there were people staring all around me looking down at me and I got and I got I got dragged down the hill on I try to laugh about the [ __ ] now it's [ __ ] ridiculous but I got dragged down the hill on a snowmobile and had to go in for surgery and I remember my mom was on the phone I was four hours away from home everyone else had left for the day cuz they were like oh we have to get on this bus back to Connecticut we're in Killington Vermont skiing my mom's like all I remember is this little flash of my mom like crying and I'm I woke up and I was in traction my foot was attached to the ceiling because they had to separate the femur fall take a titanium rod into my femur and then screw it at my hip and my knee that was that was I should have died I should have died from the splenectomy a year earlier when I ruptured my spleen and then I go in and cut my entire stomach open and remove one of my vital organs like this story's [ __ ] and that's why I knew I had to write it that's why I knew I had to tell it I was like y'all like what about the one way your leg got caught in the pothole yeah that's 2008 that and by the way worst injury even though it's not the most life-threatening I'll just tell the story though story quickly this is at a time when I'm selling a lot of heroin a lot like like it got it's got to a point where and this was all in trouble for saying this now no I believe I believe were past that real limitations Jed you can go ahead and check me out now but it's all in the book so okay [ __ ] come grab me dude today it's tomorrow all right it's all in the [ __ ] book but I um I I was doing everything I did to support my own addiction I had it was how I was going to do it and I was so so even the worst possible thing I was making other people's lives miserable at the time I thought I was a doctor sick people would come to me I would make them not sick it was I felt great about it obviously now I see the the harm in my way yes but moreover house as hell I was trying to take care of my desk for itself like how am I gonna get drugs today was always the question that's the same question I've asked herself that same question every day it's the only question ever asked yourself so I go to meet this kid I mean this kid had beef he was it he was a dealer in the same city as me he and there's always this crate you know hopefully a lot of people don't know what this is about but there's a lot of beef between connects city you don't want other people touching your customer base you don't want other people touching your plug you want to have the everything so it's it's all you want it all the beers this kid couldn't get drugs that day he was dry and a lot of customers that he wanted to serve it was Memorial Day 2008 it's a West Haven Connecticut I don't really okay I leave I go to the house I meet me I pull up brand new Infiniti g35 that I didn't pay for it was I partially paid for it my grandmother helped me she was my semi enabler of the group she took care of me at all cost I pull up and I go to sell this kid drugs and he's like come on give it to me I was like bro give me the [ __ ] money you know how this works I'm not giving you [ __ ] until give me the [ __ ] money and he's like nah man I want to run inside and put it on the scale I was like yo give me the [ __ ] money or I'm leaving you know how this goes down and he goes you think I have to [ __ ] beat you and he pulls out a wad of cash starts counting he's got a big gold chain on a wife-beater classic like Street [ __ ] I Red Solo Cup and I'm like wow whatever [ __ ] it but I'll have my boys let me he was by himself so I put it in his hand he goes you're [ __ ] beat [ __ ] do something about it and he walks out I can't I can't tell you the amount of times I went above and beyond when somebody tried to beat me are not in this book I've jumped on the hood of moving cars and been driven down the street at 6 you don't [ __ ] beat me bro I know I there is one story where kids try to do it and I jump on the side of the car and they sped away and jerk the wheel and I flew off into the street I lost skin knocked down my whole body I don't want to get beat when you get being the Derby [ __ ] [ __ ] we may get beat like you don't want to get your on boy ok ok so he saw I was a psycho so he said [ __ ] you you [ __ ] beat bro the second he turned around my doors already opened I was on the way behind him so he starts moving quick and I'm walking up behind him and I go to to literally go throw a punch at the back of his head and I step into like a little hole in the driveway it's like it's but there's like an overhang of cement so my foot kind of locks in there and his boy that I didn't know was on the side of the house waiting for all this to go down comes and [ __ ] drills me from the side I mean absolutely [ __ ] drills me and I just hear and so then the shock sets in because I've been through this scenario 15,000 times with [ __ ] that shouldn't be happening happening so you go in a military mode so I start to assess it now by the way now I'm on the ground my first thing I look down I see my foot is 180 completely hanging off sideways skin broken bone piercing the skin compound fracture horrified now I look up and there's fists coming at my face fixed fists fists over and over so I'm just getting [ __ ] up my legs hanging off the neighbors are outside there's heroin on the ground there's cash all over the place my boys get out of the car out of the backseat of the Infiniti run over and they beat the [ __ ] out of the two kids my boy I'm not gonna even say their names one of them chokes him out we get the product back we I GI Joe crawl back to my passenger seat and pull myself into the car and we [ __ ] speed off okay so now we're in we're in West Haven were speeding down the street I also had for some reason brought a [ __ ] ton of product with me to the deal so I had a whole bunch of [ __ ] on me we had to go stop and drop it back off of my boy soccer or so we stopped there now keep in mind this is the majority people are like yo ambulance fit get to the hospital I have to go drop drugs off first I don't go to the hospital I can't risk it so we go we drop the [ __ ] off we drop everything in the in the house and he's driving and every time he [ __ ] he doesn't drive stick so every time he puts it in second my foot bad bad you don't know how to operate the clutch bad rookie mistake rookie mistake so we get to that we get to the i-95 which is a you know infamous part of my store and everybody on the East Coast shoutout East Coast I 95 knows what I'm talking about get on i-95 we go to we go to the ramp and were about to go to Milford Hospital gonna drive from West Haven to Milford we get to the ramp I see the light I'm like we're home free every single [ __ ] ordinance at the same time major crimes unit narcotics team the dogs every [ __ ] buddy uniformed cop undercover detectives everybody converges on us at the same time as we're about to turn on the ramp middle of the road they're directing cars around us I'm sitting there like this with my hands in the air my foot hanging off of my body my other boys are already facedown in the middle of the street handcuffed with a 20 year old cop with that [ __ ] gun get the [ __ ] out of the [ __ ] car screaming now I'm sitting there like a child at this point at slo-mo you know that you you know that player II's an idea I that feeling right slow-mo officer like damn looking ma what I don't give a [ __ ] if you have a leg get out of the [ __ ] car so I have to then with my arm pull myself and throw myself onto the concrete where I stayed for two hours as they searched my car for guns because the neighbors who call the cops said that there was an armed robbery with handguns they propped my foot up on my golf bag with my golf clubs in it that I probably should I probably was playing golf with my dad that weekend earlier in some some trying to have a normal life some semblance of a normal life when I sat there and they they searched the car they did luckily they didn't find anything because I they found like a couple empty bags wasn't a big deal but then they brought me to the hospital and that was just another thing oh yeah side note they threw [ __ ] two plates twenty screws into my ankle injury even with the splenectomy the hernia the fractured skull all the concussions all the car accidents that day in 2008 and that injury has the biggest effect of my life that the your price no pictures of this but after I got clean I because I was 300 pounds that's funny you say I have ever I pulled up there's the ankle right there yeah this was this was drug Mike I'm so glad I don't know this person the car above it is that g35 no why is it like this Mike why is there a tree in the engine Mike because a couple months after that drove it off a cliff Jesus Christ off a cliff okay so here's what I'm saying like he's my boy I've heard hundreds of these stories like they just it's just one after the other which is insane and one part of that story um the audience may have missed is that before the cops pulled you over you said you dropped off the product it had a lot of it yeah if you had not have dropped off the product how many years in jail would you have been serving was that was probably the second or third most that product I've ever had on me first stop because there was one time or that's also in the story where I had for anybody who hustles had thirty five bundles on me which is about three hundred and fifty bags of heroin and I was already on a five year suspended sentence in the state of Connecticut meaning a jaywalking ticket or a jaywalking misdemeanor or any kind of misdemeanor I would have gone and done 50 to 80% of my five-year term without a charge not a new charge I probably based on like that amount or like even a few grams of heroin probably would have got like ten ten plus years I refer to Mike as the walking miracle because the amount of times he should have died or gone to prison it is absolutely insane it's unlike any story I've seen in in movies which is why I think this would be a phenomenal movie and I want to play you but yeah dude like this is why he's called hey Big Mike by the way cuz I asked him I was like hey why is her Instagram handle big Michael you're not that big right he goes oh you don't know I used to be 300 pounds and it's so fun and it's so funny because like every one of those little like tenants and those little stories I want to talk to that sufferer about it cuz like think about it there are people will put out entire books about weight loss I did that whole [ __ ] went through the same thing but that's just one little part of it people want to do mental illness you see me sweat you see me sweat you know I wake up with [ __ ] bone-chilling anxiety every single day and deal with depression all that [ __ ] every single day and I got coping mechanisms and I could tell that story I'd do that story hmm the drug addiction the divorced parents beaten the [ __ ] out of each other like I've had all of that happen and so I tried to put a little bit of all of it and most importantly the action steps into this book yeah so that's why I wanted to talk about hacks because we could we could literally go so far down the rabbit hole of like [ __ ] up [ __ ] that's happened in your past the the important thing and this is maybe why even we're such good friends is is the compact the bounce back the Shinya is the word you like Redemption why it might be the hall it might be the only tattoo that it's the most important word to me I oh I have been obsessed with that word since since there mm so when I listen Logan Paul gave me a platform a lot of Rhodes has given me a ton more views I've had it whatever you want to call it since the day I was [ __ ] born dude whatever you want to say it is I was in the gifted program from fourth grade until high school yo your son has an aptitude that is way above [ __ ] average you know what's so funny you sent us the group chat they're one of the report cards from like when he was 6 years old and the comment was that the teacher left was like very smart kid tends to talk out of out of place nothing's changed but yeah I always knew I had it but but the biggest story there is no matter how smart you are no matter how well trained or how well versed you are in this life your card could get pulled at any time at any [ __ ] time you are not invincible and I wasn't and I wasn't I fell victim slightly whether you want to call it choice you want to call it disease whatever you want to call it I fell into a hole a bet in mind was bad it was bad as you could tell you know what I'm saying and so I think the biggest thing that comes out of that that choice choice versus disease story that I told earlier whether you think the Attic down the street from you or that lives in your house or your family member or whatever chose to do it or it was the addiction that did it to them my question is this does it does it matter does it matter what what the reason was the biggest most important thing is these are people I was a person I didn't believe it anymore I didn't believe it anymore - I was I was nothing I was I was primed and ready for a casket that was my [ __ ] destiny was to die a heroin addict but because people said you know you have something in you my mom say I I still [ __ ] love you it's hard as hard as it was for her to say that those are the things that got me through and the most painful thing for me always is imagining the lonely addicts out there imagining the Vietnam vets imagining the the the Iraq Iraqi Freedom vets that are living under [ __ ] bridges in this country right now addicted to drugs with no one with no one to put a hand on their shoulder and say yo it's gonna be good keep putting your foot in front of the other one in front of the other keep going keep pushing forward that's the entire story of this book the very first page the the the the dedication whatever you want to call for this book is this book is dedicated to those who struggle do not let your light go out that is my that is the message of this book my light got so dim to a point where it was just a few people left holding this match at the end of a [ __ ] 500 mile tunnel that I knew I was not thought and I knew I would never make it to the end of but I but still nonetheless that little [ __ ] light dude was the only thing that kept me going was the only thing that kept me going and if that light goes out it's over so you have to find what that light is for you have to find what is that one thing that will keep you going what everything else fails what was it for you for me it was for me it was my mom a hundred percent and it was also my addiction to to what I've told you guys which is which is my addiction to legacy and wanting to leave something on this planet before I die that stayed with me through my entire addiction no matter how bad it got and luckily I don't want to get on the phone and give this away actually there was one there was one thing that happened at my worst moment that's it that quite literally saved my life and and and was yeah once again it's another moment of somebody pulling your card like it's like it's like it's so funny in this world that everybody has some level of like no matter where they are they get like some level of ego or like youlike they have that feeling of invincibility and then just know just knowing that someone can quite literally pull the is this that I that is it just a pivot point yeah you I think you knows it was something that person did yes yeah it's this moments fascinating yeah I was gonna save it but it's why it's fascinating for me is is because of how how how how quickly all have a changed it makes no sense to me but I want to save it for the book gotcha can I read a expert excerpt that you provided me with that I think fits well here I tell myself every day you will not give up in the face of adversity you will look every obstacle every hurdle every demon in its face you will lower your shoulders and drive through that [ __ ] without hesitation or regret I believe that's what separates those who make it from those who don't this is the mentality that got me through the most horrific life draining days of my addiction and it is the same mentality that pushing me through every single moment I face today in my new career in this new la I tell myself that if I'm able to let this mentality seep into every cell of my body I can never lose and this goes for anyone and everyone that I know for sure okay don't take this personally in my mind yeah I don't I don't picture you as like a fighter like physically you know like a or a competitor right but what you're describing here is a warrior [ __ ] mentality so for people who are like me bro stripped me down primal I'm gonna beat the [ __ ] [ __ ] out of you brah like when I was dying on the bathroom floor cuz the Hot Chip Mac used the word fight and I was like I was dying I was like holy [ __ ] you over [ __ ] so where do you be the warrior when against I'll take this personally like you you you aren't a inherent physical warrior yeah the warrior manifests itself in so many ways in so many ways I mean it's it's it's never it's you know just the the alpha fighter that's just one physical aspect of the warrior the warrior is the the the the biggest thing the biggest thing and an attribute of the warrior has nothing to do with how they look the style of their fight it's the fact that no matter what [ __ ] happens they will not give up yeah it doesn't matter oh I have been to a point where there are two of you pummeling me in the [ __ ] head while I was completely done on the ground and there and everything in me kept [ __ ] caught crab legs punch block throw I will not [ __ ] go down do you to a human to substance to anything bro I will [ __ ] fight it's not that I won't go down but I will do everything in my power not to and now that's just now that manifests itself in yo you're going on MTV tomorrow and you have anxiety and you have to sit in front of 400 people and as you walk through that curtain into that audience I'm in that stage you know you are going to break down you [ __ ] know it I knew it I knew it 100% without a shadow of a doubt that I was going to break down the question then becomes will you keep going afterwards will you stay in the [ __ ] game or will you run away I wrote it in this [ __ ] book chapter two one Episode one impulsive nerves going crazy easiest thing to do yo Logan I have a mental illness I have a problem I can't do this show with you I didn't do that i sat in here and I [ __ ] dealt with it dude and I faced down my problem and I was victorious over it it wasn't pretty but it gets better every [ __ ] day every day you step face to face with your [ __ ] demons and you say yo you will not take me down I will [ __ ] beat you is a day closer to being free of those [ __ ] demons no honest honest answer how much of that would you tribute the pride that's a [ __ ] great question that's a great question cuz I've seen because I've seen it come from the place you're describing and I've also seen it come from a place of pride that isn't always the smartest I mean you're human we're all like this but when you're getting beat up by two dudes I picture you like I know you I could be wrong but I picture you like still costing it that like motormouth my Big Daddy I did that exact speech you just said with a loaded handgun in my mouth up to my [ __ ] teeth in Bridgeport Connecticut we talked about Mike we know you thought you after one okay actually let me let me rephrase him because the because the standing down a barrel thing has happened to me a lot of times and I don't want and I don't want to sound too tough here because I've because because you're a sip now no there was probably just less than 10 times that happened that's vodka less than 10 times too many guys five of those were white friends of mine or or kids that I sold to that I said slightly out of pride slightly that EE go slightly out it not caring about my life at that time it was always give me everything you have give me the oxys give me the money in Milford my answer was [ __ ] you [ __ ] pull the [ __ ] trigger : though every [ __ ] time when I got to the big leagues and I was in Bridgeport and it was I'm not saying names on this on names of a change of the book you owe $10,000 to our organization that now I'm actually watching him say this our guys say this to my plug you owe $10,000 to our organization if we don't have it by next week where you're going to kill everyone in this [ __ ] house week later we don't have the money because we had picked up from other connects burnt like it was this was during a very desperate time same guy comes in black this is the thing people see movies people watch this [ __ ] happen in music videos seeing in real life is a vastly different situation I've talked to you about about armchair general before this when you see that guy who you know has body's bro I knew that this this dude was the baddest man I'd ever [ __ ] met he was a bulldog sent by people who makes sure we they were paid when he rolled in this one-day black hoodie black hat black mechanical mechanics gloves black jeans and black boots with a hand that did not leave his hoodie pocket I knew we were in [ __ ] trouble walks through the back door he had just given us the the warning exactly a week earlier where's the [ __ ] money the second my Kinect said we're working on it pistol to the face so [ __ ] hard blood splattered on the [ __ ] on the wall in front of me dude falls to the ground and he pummeled his [ __ ] face with a nine millimeter for four minutes until I finally stood up and said yo please stop beating him you're gonna [ __ ] kill him right now you're gonna kill him in front of me on the floor those two girls with me I was we were sitting on his bed in a [ __ ] trap House basement bridge were Connecticut and I walked up and I said please I put my hands together like this and he put the gun in my [ __ ] face and every other time I had said [ __ ] you [ __ ] Bulger was gone out the [ __ ] window and I said nothing and I stood there like this and that is how a lot of people have gone out standing there silently as someone decides their fate and and honestly like [ __ ] like if I had we had guns we had guns but it's like dude that that situation of like y'all are you really about to start a [ __ ] war right now is a big deal this wasn't an intruder this was someone who was coming representing an organization of people who it would have turned into a bloodbath for everyone and within that happened things continue to deteriorate I stopped going in about two months later the DEA raided that facility his other plugs facility the restaurant they bought with drug money he did nine and a half years in a federal penitentiary your plug or the the pistol pistol-whipped I don't believe was ever found to be took on trouble Frank I'm sure he did after that you know it's crazy how I've heard these stories before and when you tell them and by the way you're doing a great job this is probably some of the best friend issues I've heard oh yeah you're killing it bro really you know they called me I got a pass for a little while in Bridgeport at least I was white Mike that's me I was wipe my yel white Michael it's good why aren't you hey why Mike I should i goes better but I got because there's a lot of people watching this bro this is another huge things a lot of people watch this you're like this simp this guy no that's that's what I'm saying there's a there's a lot too Mike there's a lot to Mike's past that you'll hear him say like yo I used to be addicted to drugs and drugs and you don't know the weight that that sentence holds and you're you're funny you're funny you're the funny guy right so it's hard to believe that these things happened and it's all and it's all 100% accurate you're like it's all 100 sits all really happened there's some account of every piece of and also like it didn't always go that way like I I it's crazy to imagine I've always wanted to talk to you about fighting but dude I did the street I did a ton of [ __ ] fighting I did a ton of [ __ ] fighting and I lost someone I once saw yeah there was a I believe you I just like only know them like that can't go above like say 5,000 6,000 feet elevation telling you you take care of this if I take care of saenko which I will do it I have to get what's called fusion this is an exciting another exciting semi story fusion they will go into my ankle they will remove my plates and my screws from my ankle but while they're there they'll also remove my ankle joint completely don't take it out of that of my it light completely and they will then fuse my leg bone to my foot bone in what looks like a right [ __ ] is that gonna make it better because the pain that exists in it which is the reason why I limp or hobble or whatever you want to call it is the arthritis that exists above and below the joint there's zero cartilage there's zero cartilage left in my ankle and so when my bone did Danny show Danny really quick what do you want me to do she wants me to cut it off oh that's right my entire foot off and put a prosthetic it's bold that's like futuristic that's pretty yeah you might not be there yet but I'll get there that's it so that's that's future Mike what about like present-day Mike I got some questions for present day how has writing all of your you've talked about battling your demons how is writing out all of your past horrors and insurrection and all these things fixed not fixed but affected your mental state today well from a macro angle it helped immensely because I've always told you that I cared so much about my story and making sure that I was told and and and I cared about that I cared about it a little bit or a decent amount until I started to get the feedback from people once I started to see that it was resonating with people and people actually were taking the story seriously and being like yo like this this story changed my life but once you hear that there's no going back from that there's no okay actually I don't want to tell his story I don't want people to know that I did heroin I don't want people to know that I [ __ ] did these things to my mom or my grandfather and once I once a [ __ ] 17 year old kid tells me that I stopped make he stop doing pills because of this or stops whatever it's over for me bro that's that's all I'm built up now this this right here this book and this new light lane of life for me is the payback this is how I make things right this is how I make things right and I'm probably still can't ever and I'll still have regrets and I still have sorrow and I'll still feel terrible about the [ __ ] things that I did when I was younger and desperate and stupid and [ __ ] wild but this is this is it this is how I get this is what how I help this is how I take not the opportunity that I've been given through the million [ __ ] micro calculations that I've made since I got clean and give that back and make it better I have a question yeah do I have to take a personal no actually yeah maybe why the [ __ ] did Sean from loveSac hire a guy who just got off a 10-year bender on drugs Sean Nelson from love Zach what a [ __ ] guy dude cuz like I I think you know I go people ask me like oh what about Mike I was like gosh I love the kid saw some special in him then he's like I gave him the tools he built the house but Shawn's risk was a lot higher because you weren't even like promising young lad at that point you would dog walk dog walker this is the thing this is the main part of the story this is the main part of the story that was not that long ago you can do this if you're watching this and you're and you're like yo if I get clean tomorrow mic I'm just at zero again I'm just at the same level as everybody else actually I'm still negative because when I got clean and I walked out of rehab I walked out of rehab with a 400 credit score up to my eyes and [ __ ] dead because all I had was a computer that I'd pawn on pawn pawn on pawn at that point it was so bad I didn't see I didn't know this everybody know this and that this is why you are so but like when you walk out in and all of your friends that you went to high school with they're married and they work for Dell and they have a 401k and they've stock options and your mom's driving you to NA meetings and they're 26 we were 30 or 34 and you've never once had any idea about what to do in this I'm mister spinning rock but this is crazy this is [ __ ] crazy that was me that was me bro all the way up until probably 20 29 29 years old I I here's what I will say to people watching this that have no clue that have no clue what they want to do how they want to do it cuz I was there I was just there was a store I was just there it was just at it let me give you something I started trying things I start I knew I knew I had something and I didn't know what it was I didn't know I wanted to be a youtuber I didn't have the luxury of knowing what it was but I knew I had something and let me tell you this if you've made it through addiction or mental illness you have something cuz a lot of people don't if you are still kicking today battling those demons you have something because a lot of people didn't wake today cuz they couldn't make it they couldn't cut it and you [ __ ] dead so you have something but you might not know what it is I like that a lot I like that a lot bro I can't imagine I can't imagine just overcoming that hurdle of a drug addiction and looking around going holy [ __ ] what the [ __ ] do I do I hate to say this and I am cautious with it but I'm gonna [ __ ] say it don't take it as a direct comparison please but there are people that come home from war they come home and they have nothing the VA turns their back on them their family says welcome back you're back have fun veterans are dealing with it every day not a direct comparison but let me tell you how I felt I walked out of rehab I had nothing I had nothing no education no [ __ ] car nothing I was 26 years old with not a anything and I and I started doing [ __ ] started walking those died started so first my sister said hey listen you know we could that you could be it you could pick up [ __ ] would you consider which is to Jill is a very important part of our startup now I don't think I've told you a lot about this but my older sister was like another mom to me she she loved me so dearly and when she saw me start to get my things together she activated hard bro took me in was like another mom literally and said yo pick up this dog [ __ ] and and a part of me was like picking up dog [ __ ] you know much [ __ ] [ __ ] I sold the pet like [ __ ] that [ __ ] no and I but I did it yeah and then it and then it went to running an entire camp for dogs which is in this story but it's hilarious I wish we had a picture of me would thirty dogs in the backyard all different breeds and I would make sure the pits didn't kill the [ __ ] German Shepherds I'd hang out all day with Bailey and Harper and snowflake and all my good friends they're all dogs other people with a bunch of dogs I did that for a while but then I started picking up side things I said I like photos I like I think I can take photos they're fun too that's fun I saved up a little bit of money with my shitty job and my non-existence and I had no friends cuz I had to write them all off because I wanted to get clean stay clean and I had no one but I had a camera now and so somebody said what would he shoot that that Canon 70d table I said I'm a wedding photographer I said your wedding photographer and I was like yeah that's right in life I had never even seen a wedding in my life at that point I was 30 years old when I saw my first wedding I'd never seen a [ __ ] wedding a seven-way photographer they're like what I know someone's about to get married I see she's on a budget and they're like well what's housing well how does that work they're like all right I don't know guitar just talk to her they're like oh give you 750 bucks your wedding start for us yeah I'm wife diver showed up at a wedding with a 70d and a [ __ ] built-in flash a built-in flash and took pictures of the bride in the end the groomsmen I took that money and I bought a DJI drone phantom one and they said what do you do with that drone like I said I fly down the aisle behind the bride as she walks down the aisle to fly a drone over weddings put it on YouTube and I'd send there I was like but that's 2500 and so I started doing that but then this is where calculations come in and you have to and you have to calculate that business grew to a point where I was making more money than the dog-walking but how long would it last so I waited and after six months went by of making more money the dog said no more dog walking and then it was photos and then it was drones and then I started writing and I met somebody who was like oh you took great pictures at this wedding want to try writing so I wrote something for AOL and then one day I see an ad in Craigslist for a company called loveSac that sells beanbag chairs and it said personal assistant need and I was like it was like to grow my social media and and by the way it was like 2012 nobody knew I decor Oh social media except me because I was an expert in the social media growth and branding world Lilly says so I said no idea I got on the phone so like so I apply he calls me one day I'm sitting at Subway this is the whole stories in there say they had supper with my boy Pat Pat's he shot up a fancy schmancy you know you've talked anyway Patsy um me and him it had fallen to a dark pit of day trading penny stocks because by the way I was this great penny trader I got a call he's like hey Mike this is Sean from loveSac I was like okay he's like yeah I got your resumes like you seem to be an expert branding and and social media growth I was like that's right he's like what do you say you come in for a meeting next week in Stanford Connecticut and I was like oh yeah be there next week girls around throw on my one button-down that I have I got a picot at Marshall's for 29 bucks I rolled into this place it's like some fancy restaurant cuz Stanford's like the OP upgraded like Connecticut part of Connecticut and I sit down I have a conversation with him and in that first conversation he saw something he saw something he said I don't he said it to me day one I don't know what it is but like something about you like there's something there mmm-hmm there's something there like you got it you know how to talk you know how you got that spunk yep I started working for him and one day I told him I said hey listen man I have no idea what I'm doing here not only that but I'm also a felon narcotics addict dealer I'm horrible I'm so sorry I never told you the way Shawn was brought up in the way Shawn's religion goes in the way he is as a person is to forgive and to give people a chance Mormons he's a Mormon Shawn's a devout born yet mornin he gave me a chance that chance led to a text message between myself and B Logan Paul who wanted some beanbag chairs for stories so [ __ ] 1600 vine Mike your life is so weird dude this is hitting me this podcast bro this makes no sense Mike this makes no sense cuz even like when you were writing this book how did you plan to do anything with what the things you were writing because now you have a platform you're dating one of the biggest female adult fit ex adult film stars in the world with her massive online presence your best friend is the same [ __ ] and now you are too Wow okay I'll go from here do you see why I need to give that do I have to this is this is crazy I I'm trying to like take away why that what how because I would like to believe there's a how I'm sure you you read a lot to your religion and your faith and and and maybe that's it maybe it's like the universe I don't it's it's almost like for every action there's an equal and opposite reaction and because of how low you were now you have the opportunity to get as high as you can be and that [ __ ] love bro I heard about these giant bean bags oh my god I want one so I walk into love stacks love sacks store where and Sheroes shamrocks I'm like hey do vines social media presents like you might hit contact hitting me up or you might think of me with teeth the marketed the marketing guy get a text from dude named Mike you know you you have any ideas Jose yeah I kind of don't want to pay for this love sack is there anything we can do and he's like yeah sure we can work on a super amicable friendly charismatic guy I've just told the story a thousand times got my love Saks set him up I was like boy these are great can you [ __ ] on him cuz you being friendly and fun and like a bro and he goes as a matter of fact you can't covers a machine wash Melissa come wherever you like I was like this guy's great and then the way our friendship developed is uh it's one for the books that's a whole nother really good friends over text it first and then yeah we could do a whole show on this and by the way you [ __ ] gonna read this before I do he doesn't have one's actual copy of the book and but we first time we met in real life Travis honest house together this this amazing a deal where he actually it's so funny how these one these days are just tiny blips in the story like shot a love sack out of a massive room size slingshot and tried to knock travis pastrana out of the sky as he jumped off a large ramp on a motor spying well roman atwood recording yeah [ __ ] did I just say what the [ __ ] did I just say dad I met you for the first time you came down the driveway and I turned on I said yeah and just like that bro so when I'm gonna fast forward a little bit because when you really became a part of this [ __ ] by the way I'm so sorry bringing you on was after Tokyo yeah whole chapter about that yep so we have been friends for a while and III saw the thing too in you I just wasn't sure where to devote that energy and you you you had always cared about me and my well-being in my career and I don't know if I want to read the excerpt because it even for me brings up some some some demons and feelings that make me a little uncomfortable I read it before the show I'm yeah it's a little too close to home for me to read but uh why why did you why did you come into my life and help me why did you leave your make jokes about this all the time even I wrote that thing I want to read it my uh oh you're lighter for the book yes finder I know I'll give you somewhat of an answer what's it what's a what's a key word that I used corporate I use corporate I'm searching my notes got it that's how you that's how you find notes I took a while ago doo-doo-doo words that you know you used I found out I found to your machine-washable text by typing in washable because I know what no one's gonna use that except when I clicked on it because I was gonna take a screenshot was too far back lost in the ether of text messages but Mike asked me to write like a forward or some of something a prelude for his book it's like a little teaser and I put I met Mike when he was selling bean bags as a social media kid trying to get free furniture I had no idea that the marketing manager that I was texting would soon become my best friend business partner and roommate see most people fall in love with Mike's charisma and deceptive intelligence but not me I like Mike because he was able to get me free and BPA free beanbags however as he continued to supply me with shredded memory-foam stuffed inside a sack I realized that the kid had a real spunk as a sponsor myself I enjoyed every second chop it up with Mike conversations were effort jovial pragmatic it was a blossoming love story can two Brokeback Mountain without the gay sex soon thereafter I rescued Mike from his stable secure and lucrative corporate job and kinetic it brought him primarily into my [ __ ] up life that is digital media he quickly became the big brother I never had and never wanted there's many things I like about Mike his ability to navigate through the shitstorm would come out victorious his interpersonal communication skills his humor I've been lucky enough to experience the ripple effects of his unmatched energetic glow as he continues to make me the best version of myself Mike is an invaluable and irreplaceable counterpart but he's also a [ __ ] okay so I'm here to ask you why the [ __ ] you left your job in Connecticut to join this [ __ ] and help me overcome a lot of hurdles in my life because I was not in a good place as much as I'd like to pretend that I was I was 9 that's why I can't even read that passage a lot because i i i I cannot I cannot for the life of me identify what I was thinking if someone were to ask me during that time why why why did you do this I used to answer that question I used to I used to go it's hard to say but I imagine I don't I don't know I I don't know the answer now so so again I'll ask you for her diamond let you speak this time plan why Mike no matter how bad my life got when I was doing the things that I was doing there was always an a part of me that was filled with intense love and passion for other people that was one thing that never went away it never went away even even though I did things that counteracted that and contradicted that all the time and out of out of self-preservation and desperation I didn't horrible things but I always had that part of me that just loved people I truly truly truly love people I love being friends with people I love making their lives better that there's nothing that makes me feel better than that and I've always been very good at I've always been good at helping people giving advice too people walking people through tough times when I first met you and we became friends it was a very noisy part of your life there was a lot of people involved and a lot of people some were great some were very [ __ ] bad when I came in the one thing I knew for certain was which one of those people I was and there was debate about it there was debate from family members about it there was debate about business people about it the whole time but I knew more than anyone that the only reason I was doing the [ __ ] I was doing was because I I loved I already loved you and you were already a very good friend of mine I wanted you to get through whatever it was whether it was the good or the bad we were supposed to start working together and we were supposed to be counterparts prior to Tokyo we were working on that there was gonna be this massive influence or arm of maverick business and I was gonna take it over and I was already meeting with Jeff yeah I think it's a good spot just benchmark to say that you were never meant to be talent you were meant to absolutely the head of town yes the head of talent of marketing yeah and then as we know is in this book a part that you don't want to read and I completely understand that one of the most earth-shattering [ __ ] moments happen and it was earth-shattering for me because it was my next step in life and so when it when it happened to him it happened to me too and not more than a month or so after that there was a follow up which he monetize your channel and created more havoc for you you're the rat which which was the rat yeah and a lot of people don't know this but I went bonkers UNH I won apeshit on everybody you're fair on everybody I'll give us some context yeah so after Tokyo happened I did the right thing [ __ ] I didn't send it to the review team that we had just put in place because Mike said - mm-hmm one of the most picture-perfect definitions of self-sabotage just slightly like I I I didn't show the people who were put around me just because I was being a [ __ ] ass a villain um and you got so mad you got so mad I remember being on the flight from JFK and I was still on the runway to leave Jeff okay to come back here cuz I was coming back here so often at that point but I'm still going back to love cycle balancing it and I was I was [ __ ] fuming you [ __ ] you did it again Jeff the other people that were part of the team and everybody didn't yell eat much at you but I probably did but that's an idiot you did but but anyways that was a that was like as I started to transition into the team but the one thing that was always there was the belief that I was doing all of this because I genuinely cared about you as a person and that was the reason and there was never there was always a you all what you still to this day have this filter know what it was this person doing this you knew early that I was that I was a good person you knew you just knew and that's why I still we it's this is not in the book so I guess there are a couple things does about talk about the sugar no not the shrimp similarly the garage night or hat the first time where I was yeah yeah that one of the worst time you know the entire with everybody and we want the name names or anything but you stood up to your own family members in my defense throw hands about to throw hands in it in a fight that almost went down and and um I've I can say without question without any thought whatsoever that I am a good person I know that I was raised a good person my mother hasn't put that in me my grandmother and my father everything about me not everything I have some down some pitfalls but at heart I am a good person and that is why I and that is why I said due to your point I know it's funny but I knew that if I walked away from everything to it during a point that was not your best or brightest it was going to work out hmm and I'm and I'm happy I did and it was anyway it was [ __ ] horrible for a while even with the um even with the hit the shrimp thing like when Mike and I broke up for a week my conclusion was and sometimes it takes me a bit to come to these conclusions is that I've I've never questioned Mike's intent and we talked about this a little Andre just like and Gary Vaynerchuk actually told me this after Tokyo intent does not always equal outcome sometimes it doesn't matter what your intent is its execution right in this specific scenario with you it does because it because I know you like I know your intent is it always has been good and so it was it was good it was a good um no I guess I just saying I guess I could personally but I think it's something that I was always deep down but then I was able to push it away for so long now and now I try to let it rule everything that I do and so probro I realized this about you actually for the first time when we I forget where we were we're driving around in the Yeti somewhere there was a homeless man at a gas station and you're like yeah he's got 20 bucks I don't have any cash on me I was like I was like I don't have any cash him either but like what about him like like I just like I don't know like just like doing this and forever since I've seen you chasing down homeless men throwing your money out like like they're running from you yeah like do you ever take my money I didn't and by the way like you know say what you want about that act up there's more there I like I hope I always hoped that they would take more from the conversation that I have with them I'm not I'm not a I don't ever want to be the hair's money guy I want I want to know what's going on how are you feeling today like you I think you the party left out from that was that gave them a big hug - is that a gas station I know exactly yeah yeah it's funny because when we go to Watts Watts empowerment center and I'm I'm playing with the kids I don't under privileged kids the children broke every time I wonder what Mike's do I wonder what everyone in the squad is doing it's interesting to see like who resonates with what like I really enjoyed hanging with the children I look at Mike and you're always talking to the teenagers the ones who actually probably have real problems now instead of just like being a kid and some are even older there yeah the reason is is because those kids have are thankfully thankful thankful for the for the people that work at watts empowerment center and other places like it they're being nurtured and brought up in an environment that instills value in moral fiber in them mmm and they're being given the things that they need to do to should be given so that by the time they're 13 15 18 years old they can make the right decisions unfortunately the 18 the 20 year olds a 22 year olds a 26 year olds that have been banging since 13 have been putting in work on the streets have been selling on the corner since they were 13 years old they missed that opportunity they didn't have a watson Powerman Center and they did they weren't at it and probably you know and I like to think and this is another you know big point for the book I like to think that when people know my story there they're willing to let me in and tell me there's mmm you know what I'm saying and so when I sit with the with the dudes that like could have caught a [ __ ] body in the past week you know what I'm saying and I and and and yo like drug addiction is not the only evil that's all consuming yeah gangbangers mental illness is a huge one that we barely [ __ ] scrape the surface of everybody suffers everybody suffers I talk about this I talked about in this book everyone's suffering although different is the same I was an addict for [ __ ] eight years someone else lost a son someone else lost an arm someone else stubbed their toe and that's it each one of those person has endured the worst pain they've ever endured whether it's a stub to or some other [ __ ] pain is only relative to the person who has got gone through it and so if you are suffering if you are feeling pain then we can relate but it's it's it that that is that that relatability that ability for somebody to say yo you have suffered in a similar way as I have to a similar degree that I have there is nothing I've said this before I do not believe there's any community in this world as powerful as those suffering the ability to relate to someone else who has a story similar to yours I wish so badly that every addict every mental element suffer had a mirror a person like them that had a similar story that they could just talk to cuz it did wonders for me dude it did wonders for me to talk to people bro and not everybody has and I feel so badly for people that have no one cuz they're watching the show right now worth were there [ __ ] people in the book and the book I have a couple more things but they're kind of deep bowels think I also think this has been a phenomenal episode and I appreciate how open you are and you're on fire right now so I'm just gonna keep kind of rain cuz you're killing it how do you implement character notes because part of the reason I use the word Big Brother with you because I do you you work with me a lot on on adopting character notes yeah these are the hardest [ __ ] notes to implement because like with me we've been over about it my delivery can be subpar and we were talking about it this morning I go I was I was screaming at the table I go the Golden Rule it's the wackest hey treat others how you want to be treated no it works 90% of the time but if you're like me and you like honest open candid feedback turns out not everyone is on it's over candid feedback so how do you implement a character know when someone gives you a note that is literally coded into your DNA bro I have to go against my genetic code to watch how I say things you see my dad everyone knows that my dad like talks and just delivers it is he gonna [ __ ] it just says it sometimes I'm the same way and it's so hard and you made a comment this morning about I think you mentioned the character note and you go I got to do this in my life - it's probably gonna take me ten years and I said that's good self-awareness but like but how how do you how do you handle and and and do those notes that really strike you to the core and go directly against the fiber of your being it's so funny that you talk about this because we we've been through we've done so many yeah and there is another person who was very infamous in your growth and your character notes and that was Chloe yeah and I we we definitely don't touch that topic very much there's a small paragraph where I was very thankful for her and she did an incredible job in that in very tough period after Tokyo for you and helped you grow immensely we've done so much work and I think it's funny that you ask me the question it's so weird that it almost is to me is mathematical it's almost it's almost a math or a science because I have to D as you said I have to deprogram you before I'm able the program dude dude I have to tell you why the 20 years of someone telling you that when someone when your landscaper [ __ ] up you should go out and say [ __ ] you [ __ ] I'll [ __ ] your wife tonight which is what well I have to tell you why that's not gonna be the thing that actually works I had to deprogram you on so many things and give you mathematical reasons as to why there the delivery is so [ __ ] important that rule of it's not what you say it's how you say is one of the most important things anyone will ever teach you and I'm not an expert and executing it myself as you could tell by it my sometimes [ __ ] up a mile and delivery on the show but for whatever reason when we're and when it's just us because that's that's another huge thing that people understand they think it's Mike and Logan from either Logan Paul blogs the night shift or impulsive it's close but there's a there's a lot of my new and and and strange differences in real life for whatever reason I'm able to to visualize what's happening and these in these personnel and relationship situations that you have going on and help you with those better than I could even help myself and you've seen it Andres seen it Danny seen it like it whenever we have those kind of issues I for whatever is I'm able to do that with you and I think it I think it comes down to this math that is very inclusive of empathy for the other person and it's a lesson that you have you had to learn after Tokyo and it was a very big lesson for you and it was taught to you the hard way harshly by a lot of people how important that [ __ ] lesson was but I think it's something that you're still trying to next yeah and we are we all I'm not even I'm not even close I got I got exponentially better but still not even close and and the biggest thing was and it was and it's a lesson for me as well is not he's so big to not expect other people to act this way that you would and so when you tell someone yo you just like okay I'm gonna use a tan example [ __ ] I'm gonna use hating as an example okay this is just an example hey you give Hayden the footage he's given you ten vlogs in a row that are killer five million a pop bangers first time you've given him some cleanup he has a rough day here's a fight with Ashley he's been locked up he's lonely whatever the [ __ ] it is right he gives you a subpar piece of work now you could say and you have said Hayden what the [ __ ] went wrong what the [ __ ] happened but I've implored you to try to understand and be empathetic with the situation that got you to the place that yeah and as you've done that you've I guarantee you've seen a massive increase in productivity from massive did you did you see the way I was talking to him last night yeah I felt good about great Jeff oh good I've been crushed feel good about that I was I was taught in a corporate setting after being a dog walker and I wish there was a dog walker parolee right now he's barking incessantly that all these things I was taught a lot of this through the corporate world that's why as part of the reason you're so valuable because part of the problem with everyone on this team and everyone I work with is that we're it's a bit more like we work together but we live together we see and so I I don't talk to them like a colleague I talk to them like my boy yeah you know what the what happened today yeah what'd you get me 10 beautiful edits I had I need to know what what you did did you did you spend two hours on this and then now I'm going into boss mode but I'm also your friend so I'm poaching like a homie it's tough yeah and you've helped me a lot with it and and so I guess I got back back to the original question like what is Andrew every single note you get someone every single judgment you make on someone every single critique you give that person whatever place that is whether it's corporate family whatever in a place of understanding what it feels like to be in that person's shoes so important so [ __ ] important when someone tells to me says to me you owe my works a little subpar today because I'm depressed I woke up this morning and I between you and me I didn't want to get out of bed today I'm depressed I say rewind eight years been there now I'm with you as depressed now I'm depressed Mike talk to me I'm just [ __ ] that's privileged love you know you worked your [ __ ] ass off to get here yeah and worked your ass off to get here but the one thing is you fortunately as I said you today had the luxury of getting it right the first time I just said I'm gonna be a youtuber and you're the best youtuber in the world it was like that it wasn't like that but it was it was the right choice and you gotta you know every single person watching this 99.9% of the people watching this whatever you want the stat to be didn't get it right the first time and - and you cannot devalue or discount or or or fail to understand how it feels to be 23 25 27 29 32 and not know how you're gonna provide for the rest of your life it's a horrible feeling it's a confusing feeling it's stressful feeling it could it could [ __ ] with you or if your work is subpar or if you know the biggest youtuber in the world thinks that you could be a big youtuber and you're asking for his opinion and he says I don't [ __ ] think you got it so it's it's there's a coming from a place of empathy for the other person is the most important thing and I could ever say when it comes from it comes to a critique sample nobody wants to get told ya your [ __ ] sucks it's accept you because you're sick [ __ ] my [ __ ] sucks someone please tell me like please yeah okay I think I know the answer of this question yeah what is the most Hollywood moment the moment that you realize you're thinking that ik it anywhere so many but it's probable it probably would be party in the hills yeah somewhere I mean there have been nights where um yeah there's one party you uh I don't know if I don't you didn't come to it I think I heard about this one there was a party that stops through yeah and it was it was Stas and kylie jenner's Halloween party and I I'm this [ __ ] idiot like I still was just just getting the night shift off the ground like things were just starting to cook and I put on the skin tight spider-man wait a second anyway I'm not gonna say okay so I put on the skin tight spider-man outfit I walk in and I walk into the party and I go would I go banks and I've been very you know I won't smoke in it for my love for banks i [ __ ] love the kid he's the weird Street kid like me scumbag who [ __ ] made his life better and crossed you I love banks shout out banks we walk into this party and right off the bat it's this big house like it's his beautiful mansion but all of a sudden like dares Chris Brown wait Chris Brown Chris Brown's a and then there's Kylie she sit next to Chris Brown French Montana's chillin there's not a lot of people here why first of all why am i here by the [ __ ] am i at this party right now like I was walking dogs a couple years ago why am I here yeah and then me and banks were standing in line for the bathroom I got a piss at down walks Drake and Drake walks down the stairs big-ass [ __ ] Drake dude walks up somehow someway [ __ ] gaps up banks which I thought was crazy looks at me and by the way like I met I've met a ton of people now like I've partied with [ __ ] able from the weekend you were there that night we've done a ton of [ __ ] and I'm usually just yell what's up at least tap him up like be cool I could not muster a word for Aubrey for Drake not a single [ __ ] word there's just nothing there you we talked about just didn't go from no from my experiences she was there yeah bro I he just like for five minutes just talk to me about know some of those profound [ __ ] I've heard in my life and Here I am I'm about to like we try to reciprocate know just like yeah you know it's all about hard work oh you try to be cool bro he cuz he just he said some amazing very kind thoughtful [ __ ] to me I was like you know it's all about the crime until you make it man you gotta keep hustling so okay that was ask you as well it's just it's that kind of stuff here you're a hustler that's one thing for sure of the many takeaways of this podcast you're you're you're a major hustler yes speaking are you a 5th Idol of Amazon right [ __ ] now Amazon paperback May 5th aka today paperback and ebook yes and hustler are you hustling me is our friendship realize this is some sort of like is your tweet about chess not checkers like are you playing chess with me there's a lot of people out there a lot of influential people in your life loved ones even or old blokes who would believe that and who would like to believe that and not actually you know what [ __ ] that there's none there's really not now but at one point there were more sir is that cuz you got rid of all them yeah when I when I joined this team when I first started offering those character notes in there was never I was there was never a yo there's a future here for you man here's it here's some money I paid my flights I flew on my own dime I came here there was never a yo I'm gonna tag you in this you're gonna have a channel you're gonna do this you're gonna do that when it came time that I was offering so much value especially post Tokyo or someone said to me this was a big moment for me this was a big [ __ ] moment for me when the whole world was in disorder and everything was was falling the [ __ ] and the house of cards was falling around me you said to me I said we were going over who would the next leader of this organization was gonna be on the business side and I said I'm [ __ ] like him I don't [ __ ] like him and I got pissed off and you said well then why don't you [ __ ] what are you doing it's gonna be the CEO if you know so well you have corporate experience you'd crush it I said I could have had it all right there could have been the head of this team took on a percentage could have [ __ ] ran the team been a massive part of the organization right there and that was before we were even close at all and I said Logan I'm not the person for that job but I will help you find that person that you did and and when and when six months after he said you know it's time to get you on payroll what do you want I said you tell me what I want you get throw it so let's play with some figures you tell me what you're comfortable with and I'll do it those could be incredible chess moves or I guess at the end of the day how do you ever do you ever really know I guess the the biggest answer that is what do I do for you when there is no victory for in it do you know what I'm saying it's like last night Ismail is just one quick example of like you came home stoned you found an owl and you said not to me but you just said damn I'm [ __ ] hungry right now yeah I just kind of said it I'm hungry I'm on get something to eat now I'm already a [ __ ] leader on this team I'm a part of the podcast I got my night shift already [ __ ] you already gave it all to me there's no victory left and I got that frying pan out and I dumped that steak it's what do you do for somebody when there's no victory and that's the biggest and that's another question that goes back to this book what are you what are you doing for someone that can give nothing back to you in a lot in a lot of ways you've already given it all to me I could go moving Ilana's tomorrow next question life looks pretty [ __ ] go for you buddy yeah yeah yeah what is it perfect life look like and then we'll close it how does it get better you probably good buy a car you don't have one and give thousand one hundred thousand dollars yeah I just crashed all my cars there's one thing I can't get right now I haven't had it I've never had it it's unattainable Fugazi for gauzy I can't get it I got money got one of the baddest [ __ ] in the [ __ ] world best friends dope is [ __ ] everything's cool got coaling company dope ass show everything's going great fantastic somebody find a way to get my mind to stop racing put me on a lazy river make me calm give me peace of mind if my how does my life get better make me fun make me okay with the moment mmm make make me satisfied and just chill and not upset and not confused and anxious and what's gonna happen next where am I gonna be what's gonna happen what if this doesn't happen what if that happens what if it doesn't happen I know that when I sit on that show I'm gonna sweat in a sweat how long am I gonna sweat me better make that stop please please I'm begging you please somebody make that [ __ ] stop bro you regret this you did this to your mom now you can make a bit of always 20 fits been that way since I was a kid gold so gold number one is fine peace of mind but a little bit of something a bit more fun man ten years from now me and my homey my best friend right in a comedy movie working with a big studio and producing [ __ ] heat traditional filmmaking bro you know that what's your most Hollywood moment was one thing but what was your happiest moment so far in LA the answer always be making the flat earther it's my favorite thing that I've ever done play playing Pete's friend and talking about poor Pete that fell off the side the flat earth is one of my shining moments and filmmaking history for me and that felt so good to me even when we did the scripted work a couple weeks ago yeah so fun just writing that and then working on it with you and like having your friends to like knock ideas off of and collaborate and then actually seeing it come to light and building this beautiful piece that is what I want for my life and whether it's this book becoming a movie or something that we create I want to make movies and I want peace of mind amazing oh you might Mike Mike may lack I think I think I mean I think this podcast rivals Evans for sure I love this is this was phenomenal thank you for your honesty how open your word your vulnerability and I was gonna tell you this after the podcast as a note oh but I'm gonna do it now cuz I like it you sitting across from me as the guest I could see a pure authenticity to you that I don't know if I've ever seen before like I everything you said was said with such Shin in truth it was it was magical man and it was really beautiful and I can see cuz I finally got to look you in the eyes when you tell these stories yes that's a big one it's the subject matter but it's also like I wasn't fighting at all like yeah it's really great and so thank you yeah guys he said it but his book the fifth vital is now available on Amazon oh and put the link in the description and just excited for this week we had a massive week ahead of us impulsive baby phone number one podcast in the world continued there keep rolling let's go hit that subscribe button we'll see you next time Mac or Mac also hey thank you bro right if you're watching this in your sad keep going if you're having struggle if you're stressed out if you're if you feel like you're not gonna make it you don't know what to do with their life you've been addicted you've been stressed out or whatever keep pushing forward [ __ ] will start happening for and it won't stop and it'll be beautiful bye I don't I can't end on that bye

Channel: IMPAULSIVE

Views: 2,490,797

Rating: 4.9305887 out of 5

Keywords: impaulsive impaulsive podcast Logan Paul podcast Logan podcast impulsive podcast maverick, podcast guest, Jake Paul brother, drug addiction, the fifth vital, opiates, satchler family, heroin, crack, cocaine, struggle, drug dealing, addiction, recovery, redemption, comeback, comeback story, rehab, 12 steps, book release, mike majlak, hey big mike, drugs, drug abuse, how to recover

Id: ygUv6alvYtU

Length: 105min 9sec (6309 seconds)

Published: Tue May 05 2020