We all got some type of pest in our house, right? Na, na, na. I have no clue what you're talking 'bout. (rly tabbes) Like mother DICK, what even is that?! (omg that looks like me) Some type of radioactive-- NOPE Okay, listen. I'm talking regular pests. (you mean me) The commoner's Pokemon. Like cockroaches, rats, fleas, (oof big yikes right there) ya brother (or sister), toilet snakes (excuse me wtf), and scorpions. Oh HELL no! (big yikes) [plate shatters] (my grades) Well, that's not the worst of it. These guys have a track record of showing up when you least expect it.(jesus) Hello! :D (EXCUSE ME WTF ARE YOU DOING HERE) [breath in] (oh shit, lil spider's gonna die) Ey, how you've been, Papi Eight Legs? (sike he didn't die) Yeah, ok, that seems like a far fetched reaction. (actually me when I see a spider) But I actually have a fondness for spiders and like some blood sucking mosquitoes I know. (ew you're weird) 'Cause those guys are useless (like me), come on. On the contrary, I know a bunch of people who tend to overreact towards these lovely house guests. (like me) Like, WHERE are your manners?! (idk ask the spiders) - Now you straight buggin'! If I see ANY cockroach or spider in my house, it's their house now! (YES AMEN TO THAT) You can keep the car, the food, my PS4, my wife, and my Yeezy's too! (LIVIN THE RICH IN FAMOUS) Yo, SCREW that! I'M BURNING THE WHOL E HOUSE DOWN! (THERE IS NO TOMORROW) I get it. As cute as these guys can be, it's not like the fuckos are paying for any rent either. (YEAH PAY YO RENT) Though, in this video, we're just going to be focusing on my experience with one type of vermin: (My bro) Rats!(YUCK) "Eww! Why them though?" Because where I'm from, they're everywhere! Half our city's population is made up of them. It's normal to have big booty rats wearing fitted Yankee caps and Tims while dragging pizzas down the stairs. So I found myself spending the holidays with these rats. (merry crisis) Not by choice, of course! One of these times was with my roommates. (diD yOU SaY rOoMaTEs?) That's right, we got another roommate story! (WEEEE) Real quick introduction if you haven't watched the previous roommate videos. (go watch them.) This is Bubbles, the constantly happy kumbaya, *Christian song plays in the background* (bless the lord and amen) ...roommate. She could be a monk if she wanted to. (damn she looks like Aang) This is Diva. The sassy teen girl you know from every high school. I would not even be surprised if this girl's secretly featured in Ariana Grande's "Thank U, Next" video. And finally this is Megatron, the girl's who's been done with everybody's shit the day she was born. SO, it was Thanksgiving night, and my roommates and I cooked more than enough food to feed a starving family of Matt Stonies. Competitive eater, by the way. After we all looked like we ate at Grandma's house, (that looks like me everyday) we decided that it was time to clean up. While that was happening, I noticed a chicken bone stuck in the vent. (excuse me what) Okay, now I've seen all the shit. (Haven't we all?) I went over to take it out, but then suddenly the chicken bone started shaking. (BIG YIKES) Hey guys! Look at the twerking chicken bone! [hip hop music] (uieahskdjfhqeah what my eyes are bleeding) [Diva screams] (like a mouse) Oh my god, oh my god, oh my gaawwd! That's a MOUSE! (no shit sherlock) Diva, the bathroom's open if you need it. Tabbes, I hate mice. Oh my god, get it away. [cries] I don't wanna move my bed, it's right next to the kitchen for god's sake. The chicken bone stopped rattling now, and I assumed it ran off because of Diva's outburst. I grabbed it, and it started shaking again. But this time, I tugged back. (WOAH, A TRUE HERO WHAT A LEGEND) This Hercules mouse started to resist, so we played a game of Tug-of-War. (FITE TILL THE DEATH) WORLD STAR! (WOOT WOOT) This is one brolic motherfuckin' hood rat. I need some help. (I need some help, too) You sure do. Hey listen, Tabbes. I'm gonna go ahead and make a GoFundMe page. It's gonna be titled, "Help this poor, starving, homeless girl fighting a mouse over a damn chicken bone, because she really needs food that bad." (honestly that's me minus the muscles) But that didn't matter anyways 'cause after three minutes, I got me that bone! (woah what a legend :0 ) Ha ha, yeah! (you don't sound that excited) Tabbes one, Mickey Mouse zero! :D FUCK YEAH! WHOO! Diva, I'm scared. (me too) I'm seriously concerned about the well-being of that girl. Even alley cats don't stoop this low. Another holiday I spent with mice was on Halloween of 20... ( 07,06,05?) It's... It's been a while. After trick-or-treating, I had this massive bag of candy I worked so damn hard for. (*sniff* can we have a moment of silence for fetus Tabbes) From the Gushers to the apples with the shiny, pretty needles sticking out of them. (like's snow white's apple) I dropped the bag on the floor which was just, the STUPIDEST decision ever. (yeah no kidding) In the middle of the night, I heard a scuffle in that bag, (oh no you're gonna get murdered) and woke up. I rubbed my eyes and said, "Oh my dearest, sweet, little innocent brother of mine." PFfTt I can't even say that with a straight face! Bro! Is that you? (no?) Are you swiping my goods again?! *Foreboding silence* (oh no, Tabbes, are you good) No response. (Tabbes is gonna die) My eyes soon adjusted to the darkness, and I saw the bag shuffling back and forth. (pray for Tabbes) Oh naw... HELL NAW! I worked too damn hard for Jerry and his squad to rob all my sweets! BUT I have a dilemna. See, I don't wanna get out of bed 'cause I might step on the mouse by accident and hear a squeak and then a pop. Like, who wants that?!(nobody ofc) So I just laid back down like a candy cuck, listening to them feast on my candy. (cri ;-;) Yep, there goes the Jolly Ranchers. Oh, the Crunch bars. Well, that's that. ;-; (please have another moment of silence for Tabbes' loss) Guess I'm throwing the whole damn bag away in the morning! And surprise, surprise, they left the Twizzlers perfectly untouched. (the flavor was lichorich) So in my house they used one of those glue traps (ok but the spiders look hella creepy tho), because my parents are 500% non-tolerant of pests! I know some of you you PETA peeps think glue traps aren't cool n'all, But if they're released, they always find some little crevice to come back in to steal our chips and pastas. And since exterminators are expensive to hire, my parents decided to take matters into their own hands. My dad especially tends to stick to his "savage old fashion ways," (wow we love that) since he couldn't give a do-dong-didily-shit about any trespassers. (pRIvAcY iS iMPoRtaNT) To show you a nicer and less graphic example of how he takes care of these pests (because we're family friendly) I will be using this squeaky lemon instead of this mouse here, to demonstrate the gruesome details. [lemon squeaks] (we love a nice squeaky lemon boi) So... when my dad hears one of these mice-- --I mean, lemons, -I mean, lemons, he would assume he caught one of them in the kitchen. Pulls the trap out from under the fridge, folds the glue trap once. *squeakity* Drop it on the floor *slappity* and step on it at least 20 times. Drop it on the floor *slappity* and step on it at least 20 times. (yes, step on those haters)
[nice music] And just from the other room you stop whatever you were doing 'cause you'd randomly hear-- [eep] [eep, eep] [eep, eep, squeak] [oh god please send help we're all gonna die there is no tomorrow just let me say my last goodbyes] Walk into the kitchen like: Pops, what did you do this ti-- oh my lord (yes, oh my lord indeed) Don't worry about it, I took care of it. (DeMoNoTizE) Yeah, I think you did a little more then take care of it. (YA THINK?!!?!?!) But tone it down a bit next time. Compared to my dad though, I handle these guys a bit differently. A few years ago I heard a mouse around 10pm at night, Nobody but my brother and I were home and since he can absolutely can NOT stand mice, because he's a disinfectant neat freak, He told me I had a "visitor" in the kitchen. (pRIvAcY iS iMPoRtaNT) So, I went to pull the mouse trap out from under the fridge.. "Spare me, please! I got family! I'll do anything!" (nah we're gonna kill you it'll be fine dw) "Oh well. This is it. I'm gonna die here.." "First, it was Jerry, Nibbles, and now me." "Goodbye, cruel world!" (*sniff*, goodbye ;-;) [squeakity squeak squeak squeakity squeakity sqeak] (wtf are you even saying bitch) 3 minutes later, I came down with a sketchbook and a pencil case. (boi she gonna stab that thing just watch) "Uh, what the fuck is going on here? What are going to do me?" [opening sketchbook with dramatic flappy sound] Mmm...mm...mhm! (wtf are you gonna do to that mouse, huh) mhm (that mouse be like wtf get me out of here) mm (girl what are you doing just stab me already) Alexa, play a music for focus. "Now Playing: Music for focus on Spotify." [intense music (I mean music for focus)] wOW We loVe tHAt mUsIC fOr FoCUs I spent half an hour drawing this mouse before my brother came into the kitchen like: "Why you sittin' on the floor like a hobo-" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA "CAN YOU THROW THAT AWAY?" (um no, I'm doing something important, bitch) What the FUCK? I've never seen him disappear so fast. (like my good grades) Here's the drawing I did of the mouse, by the way. (SUGOI WE LOVE A TALENTED ARTIST) Afterwards I tried to scrape him off outside using a little vegetable oil. (DAMN WE LOVE WIKIHOW) Some fur ripped off, but he was free. Probably had no plans of coming back here anyways. And this final story takes place a few months ago, But this is exactly why you should walk around with nightlights at home instead of the pitch-black darkness. While I was walking into the living room after waking up, I stepped in something very warm, and furry. (like James) [splat] Please be an ugg boot, please be an ugg boot (sike it was actually James) Wait, ew, no. (me when I look at the mirror) Wait, ew, no. I don't have uggs. (yeah me neither because I'm poor) [eep] Wuzzat?! (your mom) God damn it, it's a rat! (big yikes) You know that chilly tingling feeling (hehe that rhymes) that starts from your toes to your head? And not the good kind? (BIG OOF) I FELT THAT. (can we have a moment of silence for Tabbes experiencing the dreaded chill) Listen, I got nothing against mice. I think they're some fine looking animals, I think they're some fine looking animals, besides the tails and nasty infection they can spread around. (wow, we love that) You could say they're the equivalent of
furry cockroaches. (omg that's me at Disneyland) I've come to terms that I'll be living with these guys for the rest of my life. (*sniff* amen) And that's fine, as long as they don't touch the BED. (THAT'S RIGHT, KIDS pRIvAcY iS iMpOrTaNt) SOME FANART (TABBES IS HAPPY) btw HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!!!!
