Lawyers, What's The Dumbest Case You've Had? (r/AskReddit)

lawyers public defenders of Reddit what is the dumbest case you have ever had to argue client was charged with violating his probation by failing to provide a drug screen is the fence he tried so hard he sharted so it's not like he chose to not give a screen thirty some-odd year old man testifying to that in court straight-faced that i had to duck behind the podium to stop laughing if he took a crap you must acquit I represented a guy who asked chick-fil-a if they would donate anything as a giveaway for a car show he was running they agree and hand him like 300 free chicken sandwich coupons the thing is there was no car show the guy just convinced them there was an pocketed all the coupons for those wondering this is theft by deception Sheikh Phyllis theoretically out like four dollars per sandwich chic-fil-a doesn't sue they just tell the cops and they take care of the rest I didn't handle final disposition but he'd have gotten probation dude beat off in the library the librarian saw him they collected his semen from the carpet in the DNA matched there was a video we went to trial client hired accountant accountant did work client decided not to pay accountant Accountants ends me demand letter for full Sun plus interest since their contract stipulated thread B interest for late payment I convinced accountant to settle for full amount owing under contract but no interest client doesn't pay accountant files statement of claim and gets summary judgment for amount owing interest and legal fees I don't act for that client anymore I had to prosecute a woman in the Tampa Bay area because she had received a citation for not having her cat on a leash while it was outdoors the poor old lady brought in pictures of her outdoor cat to show how cute it was I'm not even fully convinced she owned the cat as all as she did to care for it was put some food and water outside by her shed at that point I was fully convinced of two things the first being that my civic duty had been more than satisfied by imposing a fine upon this poor old women also that Florida was not the place for me as everyone in the court room actually seemed to think getting a fine from this women was just and worth the taxpayer time wasted to achieve the same at Florida is an interesting place I represented a condo board that wanted to evict a woman the condo bylaws allowed for up to two casts provided the board gave permission this woman had 19 casts none of which had approval this woman showed up to court and argued that she shouldn't be evicted since there were only six cats once had to defend a juvie charged with animal cruelty four freaking moms Pomeranian since mom had caught him red-handed or whatever choices of defense were limited but since the statute defined animal cruelty as inflicting unnecessary pain or torture on an animal I argued that the defendant hadn't violated the statute because he'd used shaving cream as lube if he hadn't that would have been unnecessary pain or torture judge ruled against my client of course and nearly locked me up as well just on general principles ah the life father PD mum's Pomeranian is all distended you did not use creamers intended my friend represented the city in effect case he was forced to prosecute a one-legged elderly man who took some cans from a curbside recycling container don't freak with city property folks not a lawyer but my dad works for a hotel chain that got sued what happened essentially was a son and a father were staying as this resort and were checking out but had a few hours to kill before their flight beside him they wanted to got jet skiing they asked the lady at the front desk of a place they could go to she suggested a place that was no way affiliated with the hotel was just a company nearby well they go jet skiing but the dad falls off his jet ski and the son drives over him and kills his dad so instead of realizing hey that's a tragic accident they see you not the ski company that rented them the jet ski ice no the hotel where they asked where they could jet ski public defender here just last week I had a client who was charged with kicking in somebody's door to steal a kitten but quite literally a cat burglar I chatted I have two core stories ones I heard secondhand but still good if you don't mind the first I heard while at lunch with the state prosecutor and public defender the case was pretty cut-and-dry guy robbed a bank at gunpoint teller gave him the money in a bank bag and pressed the silent alarm the police show up quickly and she gives a description of the guy cops are able to catch him not far away he dropped the bank bag in the pursuit so they had that against him never found the gun bill that teller positively IDs him so whatever case is presented in court and the jury goes back to deliberate should have taken a very short time the prosecutor figures but winds up being forever they finally come out and give a guilty verdict the prosecutor later finds out that the jury deliberation was held up by a single woman who must have seen too much and sis or something because she wouldn't shut up about wanting to see the gun is proof the rest of the jury was ready to vote guilty but she just would not shut up then one of the other female jurors shut her up where's the gun I want to see the gun he isn't guilty if they don't find a gun anyway listen you by arch you want to know where that gun is he hid it so that when you release him on this idiotic pretense he can come and rob your butt but the woman quickly shut up and they all voted in favor of guilty the other case was a paternity case dealing with the child of a teenager the DNA results showed that the child was not that of a girl's current boyfriend but she insisted that he was the only man she had slept with the judge asked her to really think back to the time in question and consider any times she had slept with other men in the room or whatever the new mother explained that well there was one time she and her friend had slept with their boyfriends in the same room but they both used the condom what do you mean they both used the condom the judge asks the girl proceeds to explain that they only had one condom at the time so the friend in her guy Frick then turned the condom inside out for the now new mom and her guide to use it was quickly ruled that the baby belong to the friend's boyfriend that last story my god obligatory not me but I watched while I clerked for a judge a cokehead shot his cokehead friend in a dispute about the latter smoking more than his fair share the guy who was shots girlfriend drives him to the air it has warrants so literally kicks him out of the car and speeds off he only got shot in the arm so the hospital had him patched up in no time and he told the cops the whole story while still on those good Hospital drugs flash-forward to trial the men are friends again and the guy who is shot has written a letter in the most shockingly beautiful cursive stating I verily swear that Bob did not shoot me I don't know who did thank you he also recorded a crappy cell phone video where he verily swears even the guys defense attorney was convinced the letters were actually more damning than the confession they didn't even ask their own client questions on the stand they just allowed him to testify which is the ethical way attorneys balance their clients right to testify without supporting perjury but wouldn't you know it the jury found him not guilty everyone including the shooter was visibly shocked he got to go home scot free when the jury was questioned they were basically the other guy verily swore Juris you never know I studied this case in a law class and it's hilariously stupid but it went to the Washington Supreme Court a five-year-old moved an old lady's chair before she sat in it and she fell over she sued the five-year-old for battery the court found that five-year-olds can indeed be liable for a tort I defended a conversion case essentially a civil theft allegation where the parties were fighting over possession of a giant collection of Lord of the Rings memorabilia like tens of thousands of dollars worth I know those books backwards and forwards I occasionally worked lines into the pleadings it would have been intolerable not to but my favorite was off to evil will shall evil nah not a lawyer it's in my previous job loss prevention we had to go to court almost weekly for our cases while waiting there was a woman that was on the stand for prostitution she had a translator and the translator lawyer and judge negotiated judge says translator please let your client know that I could send her to jail for this translator does translator please ask your client if she would be able to afford a $100 fine the defendant very loudly says be please I have 300 in my pocket right now judge slams the gavel the fine will be 300 then father is a personal injury attorney heard this story from a circle of his friends woman driving at night ends up running over a drunk in the middle of the road turns out the drunk is rich woman decides to sue his estate for the injuries sustained to her neck when her car went over his body not my client but I listen to a hilarious plea negotiation for a granny who was busted for a DUI she was like 83 and arrested driving a boat off a caddy anyway negotiations were going well until the prosecutor who was flipping through pages and pages of this granny's rap sheet gasps and says at me Moore was tried for attempted murder in 1973 witty Barb's were traded the defense attorney argued the merits of granny's acquittal and eventually the prosecutor offered a reasonable plea but not until after much speculation about whether granny did it this isn't from the lawyer's point of view but the defendants my dad is in a doctor he had a patient come in with an eye infection since he is not an ophthalmologist he could not diagnose or treat a disease of the eye he gives the lady some eyedrops to help with the pain and tells her to go see an ID ok ASAP to get the infection actually treated bTW he sent her home with written instructions to so lady goes home and never sees the eye doctor infection gets worse she ends up needing a cornea transplant because she's a fricking idiot then she sues my dad for malpractice and somehow fricking won luckily my dad's malpractice insurance covered it but JFC the kicker is that Mel two suits in my state have a time limit of file hers was filed right before the time limit expired because that's how long it took for her to find a lawyer to take the case not me bitter friends dad was a public defender for a drug dealer and they had freaking video with audio of the deal going down that the guy still wanted to go to court I have no idea why after sitting on a jury I have little to no faith that any jury trial will end in the obvious and rational verdict not lawyer but family self defended so kinda my grandparents sold their house right on closing day the buyers called them up and told them they were withholding thirty thousand dollars from the sale price because my grandparents had left holes in the walls from paintings and such removed trees and plants from the backyard and removed an entertainment unit which was specifically listed as not included in the sale documents literally wasted six months of our lives defending ourselves gave my grandma and I'll so from the stress and they lost in the end and were forced to pay for pain and suffering and heart naps but they literally had zero ground to stand on we think that they were assuming that most people couldn't afford to be out $25,000 and potential legal fees when they had just bought a new home but my grandparents were downsizing and not in the mood to be fricked with my grandpa defended himself and man oh man he is scary as crap to be questioned by as a grandfather let alone on a witness stand apparently the wife of the buying couple almost cried when questioned by him the judge later complimented his legal abilities haha the neighbor testified that no plants had been taken and that the buyers had basically tried to coerce him into not testifying that the holes in the walls were tiny as crap and to be expected in the wall unit BS was just the craziest being that it was literally listed in the sale as not included it wasn't built in but looked like it the sad thing is my grandma literally cleaned the house spotless like she already has a house clean enough to eat off the floors and left them a welcome gift basket they're such freaking nice people and two buttholes decided they could be easily flicked with people who try to take advantage of the elderly are among the worst kinds of scum every time I do an eviction me did you pay the rent tenant no em why not T X Y and Zed are wrong with the unit M okay did you tell the landlord or put anything in writing t no this is mostly because I work in law and we have professional tenants they know I'll never be able to track them down to get payment off try evict them they also know they can extend their free stay by making the case go to court solicitor I did work experience with had a pretty dumb case client was prosecuted for using a hidden camera to take an appropriate photos of women he was let go from his job when a co-worker read the entire story in a newspaper and showed his boss who chose to fire client as the company had many female workers who would be uncomfortable working with him client even has to move house to a new area because of the publicity client then tries to sue his old employer for wrongful termination he lost I charged a defendant with introduction of contraband in a jail he was arrested on a separate warrant and smuggled em inside his but to pass the time behind bars deputies located him strung out in his cell and his excuse was that a group of scary men burst into his cell with the drugs and forced him to get high cameras easily disprove it n ghosts duress defense works every time not me but when I lived overseas with the military I decided to sit in on a trial because why not the trial was about a guy who bought TVs on base which are somewhat cheaper because of no taxes and used them for a private business of his off base which was a mixture of an American breakfast restaurant in the morning and a Buffalo Wild Wings in the afternoon and evenings with the trivia and sports games anyways living in East Asia at the time it was nice to get a slice off home apparently buying stuff on base and using it off base for a profit his count in his black marketing because he was exploiting the advantages of the exchange on base department store the ending of being convicted and the T vs he bought with his own money were confiscated and the people that took them went to gentle with the wiring the owner avenged he had to close the restaurant because the TV gimmick was what really drew in business real shame I had a client who was arrested for a misdemeanor charge when he was at the jail and going through booking the guards noticed that he was digging in the back of his pants long story short the guards did a strip search and found a huge bag of em way up inside in this guy's butt to make it worse there was a video of god´s holding him down while the jail doctor pulled a bag out of his butt needless to say he was charged with possession of methamphetamine what happened he decided to claim it wasn't his and that he didn't possess it yes you read that right this [ __ ] actually wanted to argue that he didn't possess that M despite the fact that it was up inside of his but in fact he was so adamant about him not possessing it that he decided to testify against my advice mind you and tell the jury that one he didn't know it was there and two that a quote didn't have nothing up his butt jury deliberated for under five minutes I counted guilty verdict not me but I was watching a case where this kid was throwing burning dog crap on his neighbor's porch and running away the public defender just looked like he could give two shoots and forced the kid to plead guilty and got four years in a juvenile detention center while working as a law clerk I saw a case where a woman had sued her ex-husband for child support the couple had lived abroad where the husband had an all costs paid high salary executive position and the woman was a stay-at-home mom the woman cheated on him with the tennis coach they divorced and she moved back to Sweden the husband moved back as well and claimed he was unable to pay child support because he was now unemployed in all his savings like $1 2 million had gone to the apartment he bought a purchase he justified by saying there was no other apartment available another story young guy gets charged with jumping a subway turnstile and assaulting an officer who tried to eject him case goes to trial and the public defender says his client is not guilty in fact the guard was the aggravator and assaulted his client who only acted in self-defense the prosecutor shows the course CCTV footage which clearly shows the guy jumping the turnstile fighting the garden then kicking him in the groin the defender who somehow had missed the existence of the video asks for a short break and then changes his position a lady was abducted by a stranger at gunpoint from a CVS at one am forced to drive two counties over and then are paired the client maintained that the encounter was consensual and that he was just too good-looking to have to force women to hook up with him this is only sort of answering the question but it's my favorite thing that has happened in court so I'm posting it anyway I used to work out of a courthouse in Virginia where attire was taken very seriously and the wrong attire was seen as a sign of disrespect toward the court a guy showed up for his case wearing really baggy Jean shorts and an oversized t-shirt we were in a particularly strict courtroom that day and the judges head deputy told this young man that he had to leave because he was dressed inappropriately for Court he didn't cause too much of a fuss and stepped out into the hallway his case got called a few minutes later and when the judge asked the attorney why the defendant wasn't standing in front of him the attorney explained that he had been asked to leave the courtroom because of his outfit the judge looked Pete and the attorney quickly said your honor to be fair he's in front of you on an indecent exposure charge so he's dressed a lot better than he was at the time of the offense the judge did not find this amusing but the rest of the courtroom totally cracked up you've encountered the lost treasure of captain Gus fish head subscribed to receive some of his gold if you are new to the channel you can subscribe I publish new videos every day until then check another video or don't either way have a great day you magnificent people [Music]

Channel: Updoot Everything

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Id: hChoYTjetU8

Length: 19min 18sec (1158 seconds)

Published: Tue Dec 03 2019