Lawyers, What Dumb Things Have You Had To Explain? (r/AskReddit)

lawyers offered it what's the dumbest thing you've had to explain to a client know you dingus self-defense does not mean he punches you in the face and then two weeks later you'd go to his house ring his doorbell and kick the crap out of him by far and away the strangest thing I have ever had to explain to a client is how to use an elevator our courtroom was on the fourth floor and she needed to take an elevator to get there I had to describe how you get in push the four and then get out when the lights above shows she's on floor four yep the dumbest legal thing I've had to explain is that you can't terminate your parental rights voluntarily and then request visitation with that child I once had a client who wanted to declare bankruptcy I explained he needed to have his tax returns for the past few years filed in order to do so he said he hadn't filed taxes in 20 years because it ain't none of the government's business how much money I make when I was a legal intern at a criminal defenders law office we had a client who was charged with murder we explained to the client not to make any phone calls saying anything incriminating because it will be recorded but where prisoners can use the phone there is a giant sign that says phone calls will be recorded on top of that before you are able to call out there is an automated recording that tells you that all calls are being recorded and monitored unless it is to your attorney which are covered by privileged client made a call to his girlfriend that evening asking her to hide the gun top shelfs stupid I had to explain to a client why their ex-husband could travel with their child to Florida without obtaining a passport as in I had to tell them that Florida was part of the United States that they had to pay me this is more common than you think for some reason some people think lawyers are like their personal spiritual guides or fairy godmother people really misunderstand what a right to an attorney is it doesn't matter if you were sober or not you jumped out of a third-story window with a beer bottle and threw it at a cop the jury is going to think you were drunk also I think you were drunk that you really can go to jail if we lose a trial that he hadn't really won a 20 million euro European super lottery from Australia that he'd never rented and that it was a good thing that his family bank and church wouldn't lend him the $2,000 they said they needed to verify his identity on top of the several hundred he'd already since then and that yes his priest was right it was a scam this was during a clinic at a free Community Legal Center the poor guy had limited English and only 20 dollars left in his bank account and he really did not want to let go of the 20 million euro dream his priests had sent him to this for advice because he wasn't having any luck talking sense into the old guy himself and thought lawyers might help first Australia competes in Eurovision now they are taking over the European super lottery not a client percent but a victim had to explain what the word ejaculate meant defense attorney asked if the defendant ejaculated and she said number on redirect I explained that the word meant something came out of his penis and she said oh then yes not the brightest person I've ever met it also means to speak suddenly and forcefully makes old books fun to read sometimes don't signal to the judge you need to use the restroom during your trial by making eye contact and vigorously nodding while urgently pointing at your crotch I went on a date with a lawyer recently who told me he had to be at work at 9:00 a.m. the next day to explain to someone that he could in fact be fired for killing someone with the company vehicle I was contacted by a couple who had paid for a trip to see The Midnight Sun in northern Norway they wanted to sue the travel agency when they found out it was the same Sun as always I had to explain that there's only a single Sun and that they can't sue a travel agency for selling a Midnight Sun trip every year one of the travel agency as publishes a list of the most ridiculous complaints they received the hilarious last year someone complained the beach was too sandy another good one was that they hadn't told the couple that a lot of beaches can be topless and the husband became distracted why they should not have called the cops to tell them exactly what they did that violated the restraining order my colleague had a case where the client went over to the protected party's house they weren't there then he called the cops and told them he was breaking the protective order a lawyer can't out-and-out lie you said to them yet I burned his frickin house down and pee on the ashes he can't say you were two states away that blew some my students heads in my state we have this thing called victim's compensation an oversimplification of how it works goes as follows if you are the victim of a crime and suffer some form of injury for example psychological physical etc you can apply for a payment from state funds if you are the perpetrator of one of those crimes for example an assault robbery pedophilia etc an order can be made for you to pay the state back an amount relating to that victim's compensation I had a client who felt the process of being convicted for assaulting his relatives and having to pay victim's compensation back to the state was arduous and in return he should be receiving victim's compensation from the state so that was fun to explain not to a client but other party I was acting for a particular manufacturer they were sued for an injury incurred by someone using a product made by a different manufacturer I rang their lawyer and said I was acting for a and I didn't understand why I had been named as defendant in the suit but the body of the claim said the plaintiff had been injured by product made by B I asked if it was a monster Type O or what the response was that they thought a was the manufacturer of products sold under the name baby now that isn't inherently stupid I guess so I said that had no basis in fact whatsoever and that a and B were unrelated competitors and asked as a matter of curiosity how they had reached the conclusion that a whether manufacturer of B the response was along the lines of someone in the office I think it was maybe Jim one of our clerks who thought he'd read somewhere that B were made by a that was it no checking of the product paperwork no company searches no brand main register searches no inquiries with our client or be not even an F in Google just some guy in the office had once heard and on that basis they issued a very financially sizable product liability suit I had a client once who was in trouble for stealing sample medications from a hospital we got security footage from the door as part of the evidence and when it came down we watched it together the camera was literally ten featuring away in a well-lit room and we watched her shovel prescription samples into a garbage bag and walk off after it was done she turned to me and asked if I thought she was going to be able to get off I said no I once had to explain to her client that he could in fact fire an employee for one stealing significant sums of money from the safe to pulling a gun on a co-worker who questioned these activities and three waving said gun in a customer's face moments later all of which were on camera not a lawyer but processed a case where a woman sued her lawyers after a divorce because they didn't explain to her that divorcing her husband meant she'd no longer be married I recently had a calls from a guy who found out that long john silver's was microwaving his baked shrimp combo he wanted to eat there for every meal for a year and then sue them for false advertising he changed his mind when I suggested that he would probably die off a heart attack before reaching his 1 year goal kotor appreciate that man's commitment though that the presence of yellow fringe on the flags in the courtroom do not mean that the court is an admiralty court without jurisdiction to hear the client's criminal case sovereign citizens are something else I watched a Rafael Supreme Court appeal over a murder case the guy killed several people with a baseball bat and wanted his sentence mitigated because he had PTSD he claimed he had PTSD from experience in the murder he committed the court had to explain to him that a mental issue acquired while committing a crime cannot mitigate the crime you committed the island led mobius strip defense works every time when a client called me this past Memorial Day and I asked why she was calling me on a holiday she replied that she didn't think Jews celebrated Memorial Day never thought that I would have to explain that to anyone first reading that I immediately wondered if they were just assuming you are Jewish I had a mediation last week with a client on a really crappy case and managed to settle for a decent amount I then explained to the plaintiff a share of the settlement after paying the bill she was confused so I explained that I was speaking about our fee and expenses she got upset because we were taking her money I had to explain what a contingency contract was and how we were compensated for our services the conversation took a turn for the absurd when I had to explain I did not work for free I thought it was no-win no-fee it was you one I once had to explain what a maiden name was they had no idea similarly with a different client I tried to explain why they needed to fill out the intake questionnaire I was explaining that I need information such as their name address and date of birth in order to draft paperwork their response why do I have to do this what did I even hire you for you're useless if I have to do all this work I might as well represent myself there were super peon stomped out the front door sorry I don't magically know your date of birth Oh God as a medical professional of a private practice I get that all the time with health history forms you have all my hospital and primary care records I don't have to do this again we are not affiliated with any Hospital nor have we received these records they just believe there is a nationwide database truly I wish that was a thing not the dumbest but the one I have the most problem with is attorney-client privilege it's only a secret and safe from discovery from the other side if you keep a secret don't forward my emails to other people don't talk about your case keep it a secret well from the other side I once missed a court date and assumed that had put me an even deeper legal trouble my lawyer then had to explain to me that dodging his calls to avoid being arrested was just dumb and the exact wrong course of action not a lawyer but a friend of my dad once tried to sue him why because his dad the friends had died and since my dad was like a father to his friend he should give him money every month just like his dad did when he was alive apparently the lawyer just said that's not how it works that's a whole level of entitled I didn't even want to know existed I have to explain to clients on a daily basis that yes you do have to actually pay for that house you are buying if your mortgage company hasn't given us the money yet or you didn't arrange for them to give enough money then you cannot pay for house and house is not yours and no I cannot give you keys to house before it is yours bankruptcy attorney here if you know you're coming to my office to file bankruptcy do not make major financial decisions before you talk to me transactional attorney here well from time to time I get folks that propose illogical things or things that are unhelpful to their clients I did once have an attorney who did not realize that my client was the seller and his client was the buyer which is funny enough I talked with my client and we decided I should politely let him know that there may have been a misunderstanding in that regard I did so privately and thoughtfully by email but he declined to revise his comments saying that he thought there was something like elements of a fair contract no matter who I represent although it seemed apparent they were especially fair to me doesn't happen often Roe actually my old boss was negligent enough to have done that between custard tarts and naps at his desk late to the party but I'm a law student and I Clark at a big firm I was in a partner's office when she took a phone call in which she had to explain to a potential client that yes he did have to pay her if he wanted her to do the several hours of research that his question required he was baffled as to why she couldn't spend a few hours looking up and then get back to him with the information for free I once had to explain to opposing counsel that his entire argument was wrong because he had sighted a statue Phil chattels not real property it was a case involving a land contract I used to be a legal aid lawyer so sometimes I had sovereign citizens coming for help I'd have to explain that their magic words wouldn't solve anything and they were going to get evicted if they wouldn't agree to negotiate for settlement I wouldn't represent them because they never had any real defense is and we didn't have the resources to litigate impossible cases you have been visited by the money frog he says frog money to get $200 on the street if you are new to the channel you can subscribe I publish new videos every day until then check another video or don't either way have a great day you magnificent people [Music]

Channel: Updoot Studios

Views: 68,488

Rating: 4.8953042 out of 5

Keywords: #updootst, updoot, updoot reddit, updoot everything, reddit on tap, toadfilms, pewdiepie, reddit, askreddit, funny reddit, reddit stories, top posts, reddit top posts, reddit cringe, comedy, reddit compilation, /r, r/, r/askreddit, top posts of r/, askreddit reading, best reddit posts, top posts of all time, people of reddit, askreddit question, ask reddit, sub, lawyers of reddit, reddit lawyers, reddit lawyers stories, askreddit lawyers, updoot reddit lawyers, reddit lawyers dumbest

Id: ByRHacHhNNo

Length: 13min 52sec (832 seconds)

Published: Tue Dec 03 2019