...eeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEeee ~~Italy, 2001~~ [THIEF] Grazie! [GIORNO] Grazie! [GIRL] - Grazie!
[OTHER GIRL] - Grazie! [GIORNO] ...Grazie [THAT GUY ON THE RIGHT] Giorno! [LUCA] GRAZIE! ...eeEEEEEEELLO I’m Koichi Hirose and I will be your tour guide and the main— [GIORNO] Welcome to Italy! [KOICHI] ...Sir that’s mine- [GIORNO] I disagree! Hey hey!! I didn’t choose to travel halfway around the world just to once again have the spotlight immediately ripped away from— Hold that thought sir, I’m a little perplexed and I’d like a second opinion!! If everything goes according to plan my frog will be arriving here any second now [LUCA] GIORNO GIOVANNA!! [GIORNO] I mean minus the part that didn’t quite work out— Oh don’t think too hard about that photo it makes less sense the more you- ...Ohhh noooo however will I cope with this unfortunate situation DEUhhHGh! GIMMIE MY STUFF BACK!!! ...W-Wait sir… SIR!! ...Oh my god I can’t believe that worked My apologies but I’d prefer to not stay and chat, if only because I don’t believe our vibes are especially compatible!! Wait should one of us explain what a stand is- ~~Giorno Giovanna’s Gold Experience~~ ~~Punchy Vita Boy~~ Hey Jotaro? [JOTARO] - What?
[KOICHI] - I found him! [JOTARO] Wait, you mean DIO’s son? Already? Wait he’s DIO’s son what [JOTARO] - What you didn’t know what?
[KOICHI] - What [JOTARO] Probably should’ve told you ahead of time whoops [IN THE DISTANCE] *Smash* “I KILLED—" [JOTARO] ...Do I hear the sound of stand users? Uhhh maybe??? [JOTARO] Wow dodged a bullet there that sounds like a whole-ass story I am not in the mood to be a part of uhh don’t die and make sure he’s not killing anybody bye *slam* [BUCCIARATI] Did you kill Luca? [GIORNO] - ...No BLLLELGLELL
[BUCCIARATI] - BLLLELGLELL [GIORNO] I can explain! There was a frog and it was a suitcase and I sold the frog ...And if you hit the frog it like— You don’t wanna hit the frog and he hit the frog!! - ARI
- MUDA *eEvVrRyYyTiMee I clOOosE mY EyEEs* [BUCCIARATI] I seem to have misread the situation *zip* [GIORNO] Yeah you better run— ...So long as that means you don't come back and stab me in my sleep- Ahhh shoot ~~Bruno Bucciarati’s Sticky Fingers~~ ~~Zipper man~~ *Miscellaneous rabble rabble* [GIORNO] Wow I am like, actively impressed, You did that while I was watching and everything [BUCCIARATI] *Smack* EUHWHY [GIORNO] - It’s the tooth
[BUCCIARATI] - WHAT?? It’s my ability, it gives life to things, but also if you hit those things damage gets reversed, except for when it doesn’t— It’s hard to explain so I usually don’t bother— - MUDA
- ARI
- MUDA *eEEeevrYYTooiiIIIMmmBbE* [GIORNO] Destroying the entire hierarchy of the local mafia from the inside out to become a #hashtagGangstar will be a difficult endeavor but one I believe we can achieve together! [BUCCIARATI] ...I admire your tenacity ~~And then Giorno entered the prison~~ Body check! *slap slap slap, slap* [POLPO] - WELCOME
[GIORNO] - Woah oh my god I PRESENT TO YOU A TEST OF TRUST KEEP THIS LIGHTER LIT FOR 24 HOURS IF YOU SUCCEED I WILL ALLOW YOU TO JOIN PASSIONE AND BECOME A #hashtagGANGSTAR GIVING YOU THE OPPORTUNITY TO DESTROY THE ENTIRE MAFIA HIERARCHY FROM THE INSIDE OUT [GIORNO] Sounds good to me Body check! *slap slap slap, slaaaap??* ...Alright fine but to be fair not thinking magic exists is a pretty reasonable assumption to make [GIORNO] Now nothing— [KOICHI] *slam* GIMMIE MY STUFF BACK— eh it was worth a shot not sure how I didn’t notice that— not not sure how— not not sure how I didn’t— not s- Oh hey my passport [GIORNO] ...Don’t know who Murphy is or when he wrote this law but I hate him for it Mamma mia pizza spaghetti WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE THAT GROOVY THING *Stab* RAVIOLI [BLACK SABBATH] - WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE THAT GROOVY THING
[GIORNO] - N-ye-no yes no no ye- yes, nyes— ~~Polpo’s Black Sabbath~~ ~~Koichi's PTSD~~ I FOUND YOU— WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE THAT— A- [GIORNO] I figured it out, he appears to attack from the shadows! Wait sir are you an antagonist? ...Am I an antagonist? ...Oh no I’m a side character aren’t I *Cacaw!!* [BLACK SABBATH] - EVERYONE WANTS TO SEE THAT GROOVY THING
. [BLACK SABBATH] - EVERYONE WANTS TO SEE THAT GROOVY THING
[GIORNO] - Aah, the dream that I have that is mine!! AA CONGRATULATIONS YOU’VE WON THE MAFIA CIRCLE YOU ARE NOW A MEMBER OF PASSIONE AND WILL FOREVER LEAD A LIFE OF CRIME DO WHAT YOU WILL WITH YOUR NEWFOUND STATUS I ASSUME YOU ONLY HAVE THE BEST OF INTENTIONS I’M HUNGRY It seems he’s not killing anybody! [JOTARO] Wow oh that’s, so interesting, good job- Uhhh I’m busy, uh or- Oh what’s that? Uh I think I hear my wife calling me gotta go ...Sir why is it I haven’t ever seen your wife- [JOTARO] ...You’re breaking up [KOICHI] ...Hello? [FUGO] - But two is smaller than-
[NARANCIA] - Do you think I'd be taking that one- [MISTA] *Smack* ...A CIRCLE!!! [BUCCIARATI] Good morning - Hey Bruno
- Hey Bruno
- Hey Bruno
- Hey Bruno [BUCCIARATI] I'd like to introduce you to your new team member he's very shy be nice - Okay mum
- Okay mum
- Okay mum [GIORNO] Thank you for having me *sip* *a communal freak out for 0.1 second* ~~Let’s go on a cruise~~ [BUCCIARATI] Now that we’re all alone I’d like to inform you all that Polpo seems to’ve exploded while we weren’t looking which means his bajillion lire of riches I hid across the ocean are now free for the taking! *Narancia gets slurped* [BUCCIARATI] ...Uh oh
*Mista gets slurped* ~~Mario Zucchero’s Soft Machine~~ ~~Inception horn~~ [BUCCIARATI] Alright Fugo you’re up— *Slurp* ...Alright Abbacchio you’re up [ABBACCHIO] ...The new kid's not allowed to see my lack of potential [GIORNO] Alright have fun without me— *Slurp* [ABBACCHIO] ...Fine I’m not even mad nnuehhh— ~~Leone Abbacchio’s Moody Blues~~ ~~"Leone Abbacchio’s Moody Blues"~~ “...are now free for the taking! *Slurp*” [ABBACCHIO] I’ve figured it out *Slap, Slurp* TELL ME WHERE THE MONEY IS BUCCIARATI [BUCCIARATI] I’ve figured it out *Unfoldy* I don’t wanna know whewe da money is anymowe bucciawati :( ~~And then this happens~~ - heyyyyyygghhhh
- hyeeeeeeeeowwwwhh
- hyeyeyeyyyyyyyhh - we're goldnn winn
- we're golden wind
- we golden wiiinn - dhheuhghghuehghghghghhyghghh
- gheghhrrhnnhrhrhghhhhghhhh
- nyyuehhhhfggfghehhrhrhghhghhh [BUCCIARATI] ...I admittedly feel a bit bad for abandoning the dance troupe idea [GIORNO] Swan dive~! [MISTA] Cannonball!!! ~~And so Giorno and Mista went for a swim~~ [MISTA] Hate that window [GIORNO] Mista what [MISTA] *swoosh* Fuck this window [GIORNO] MISTA ~~Guido Mista’s Sex Pistols~~ ~~When a mommy GUN and a daddy GUN love eachother very much~~ [SEX PISTOLS, COLLECTIVELY] Neehehee!! *Shot* [SALE] Gah, ant attack!! [MISTA] This is just like one of my Japanese animes! ~~Sale’s Kraft Work~~ ~~Owa Daim~~ Woo, woohoo, hoohoo, hoohoohoohoohoo!! I will- Agh- Be- Agh- [MISTA] Are you dead yet? [SALE] Wait! I’ve got a really cool attack it’ll be really impressive I promise- *Release* Agh- [BUCCIARATI] We’re here! [GIORNO] I regret to inform that Mista is nowhere to b— Oh that’s embarrassing *Visual demonstration of how mafia works* [BUCCIARATI] Good afternoon Capo Pericolo! Well, being rich was fun while it lasted Congratulations Bruno, let me introduce you to your first job as Capo, direct orders from the boss [BUCCIARATI] Direct orders? That’s an occasion, the boss is exceedingly antisocial Your job is to protect the boss’s daughter, her name is Trish [TRISH] Take off your clothes! [MISTA] *Spontaneously struck by lightning* CRIKEY ~~Trish is Trish~~ [GHIACCIO] POLPO'S DEAD!! [PROSCIUTTO] Polpo’s dead? [FORMAGGIO] - Polpo’s dead!!
[ILLUSO] - Polpo’s dead!! [FORMAGGIO] Then where’s Trish?? [GHIACCIO] FIND TRISH!! [PESCI] ...WHO’S TRISH? ~~Trish is Trish (pay attention)~~ [NARANCIA] Mineral water, fruit and tomato, hair spray, peanuts, hair spray again— [FORMAGGIO] Where’s Trish! [NARANCIA] SHUT THE FFF— Mineral water, fruit and ene- THE ENEMY *Shots* ~~Narancia Ghirga’s Aerosmith~~ ~~*Not another one of my lovely planes!!*~~ Naran-shoe!! ~~Formaggio’s Little Feet~~ ~~small narancia~~ *tiny distant explosion* [ABBACCHIO] ...Whaaaaatt [NARANCIA] Sorry I blew up the groceries and also a city block and there’s a group of assassins and they all know about us now sorry sorry [MISTA] You got mail! [FUGO] It’s a message from the boss! [GIORNO] What does it say? [BUCCIARATI] It says “DELIVER MY DAUGHTER USE THE VEHICLE SOMEONE PAINTED A DOG WHERE I PUT THE KEY” ...In all-caps [FUGO] ...In papyrus [BUCCIARATI] Alright three of you go fetch the key who wants to stay behind with me [NARANCIA] - Shotgun!
[MISTA] - Revolver!
[ABBACCHIO] - Shot- Ugh damnit [MISTA] ...It’s a revolver you idiot *bwazip* [GIORNO] ...Abbacchio *BLEGH* [GIORNO] Abbacchio?? ~~Illuso’s Man in the Mirror~~ ~~Technically not a haNGED MAN~~ [GIORNO] Thank you… Hold on [ILLUSO] I want the key I want the key I want the key!! I don’t know what it does but I want the key!! *Warp* Wait, I’m dead! *Faceplant* [BRICKSNAKE] - AHH! x.x
[GIORNO] - I will vaccinate myself by stabbing the brick snake no stabbing the snake doesn’t damage me because it, it— It doesn’t count when I do it *booster shot noises* DHFHGF ~~Pannacotta Fugo’s Purple Haze~~ ~~Oops! Never seen again~~ [GIORNO] We’re baaack! Abbacchio lost an arm [BUCCIARATI] ...Do I need to follow you guys everywhere [ABBACCHIO] The key has a message it says “ENTER THE TURTLE” [BUCCIARATI] ...Thank you boss you’re a big help ~~All aboard~~ [PROSCIUTTO] Bucciarati and his team will be boarding this train to go to somewhere for something with the boss’s daughter and we know all this because we’re very smart I’M NOT Shut up Pesci [PESCI] - OKAY
[PROSCIUTTO] - Shut—!! [BUCCIARATI] Took me a hot minute but I figured it out! *Slurp* [NARANCIA] ...Bru— *Slurp x5* [PROSCIUTTO] Did you see them? [PESCI] - NO
[PROSCIUTTO] - OH my god you’re useless! [PESCI] - YES—
[PROSCIUTTO] - SHUT UP!! ~~Coco Jumbo’s Mr. President~~ ~~Ooweeoo~~ [BUCCIARATI] Turns out this turtle is a nice hiding spot so we can transport Trish without anybody knowing where she is, how convenient! [NARANCIA] Anybody in the mood for some Backgammon? [GIORNO] Yeah I’ll play some Backgammon
[BUCCIARATI] I’ll play a round of Backgammon
[ABBACCHIO] Alright Backgammon it is ~~Prosciutto’s The Grateful Dead~~ ~~Backgammon time baybeeee~~ Mummy? Wiww yu pwease pway backgammon wif me? Yes dear I’ll play Backgammon with you [PESCI] - BRO ISN’T THIS DANGEROUS? [PESCI] - *am nam nam nam nam*
[PROSCIUTTO] - Sometimes sacrifices need to be made for the greater good! …Also Backgammon is underrated [MISTA] *Shlorp* We need to find the enemy quick or else we’ll be stuck playing Backgammon forever!! *hook* ...Oi! Ow- OW- ~~Pesci’s Beach Boy~~ ~~Hooked on a fffffishing line~~ *Shot* AHH MY ICE COLD BEVERAGE [MISTA] You’ve messed with the wrong retirement home- GANG, gang, I meant gang!! Would you like to play Backgammon with meee? [MISTA] ...Oh, oh, well maybe I'll— - *Shots*
[PROSCIUTTO] - Mista’s dead let’s go deal with the others [PESCI] WOW THAT WAS EASY ~~Little did they know,~~ ~~a small man was hiding inside Mista’s hat,~~ ~~and stopped the bullets~~ [BUCCIARATI] Sticky fingers!! [PROSCIUTTO] Aaaaaaaaaaa ow, ow, ow HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO BRO I’M, I, I’m in serious mode now you won’t like me when I’m angry [BUCCIARATI] I’m dying lmao cry laugh emoji 😂 ...D-d- WHERE DID HE GO [BUCCIARATI] *Zip* Yo WHA- a- Grr I’m you’ll never get me now— [BUCCIARATI] - Ari!
[PESCI] - DUAHHGH [ABBACCHIO] Loser didn’t even bear off [NARANCIA] That is so unfair!! [MELONE] This looks like a good place to Di Molto! ~~Melone’s Babyface~~ ~~I hope you don’t mind but I’ll be doing this one OFFSCREEN~~ [ABBACCHIO] You better start that car soon [NARANCIA] Yeah if you take too long we might get attacked! [MISTA] - Calm down we’ll be fine!
[GIORNO] - DGHFHHGRF [MISTA] *Vroom vroom* There we go! [GIORNO] *Offscreen explosion* So uh if perchance any of you happen to lose any limbs in the future… Turns out I have a healing ability! How dare they take out my literal bastard child, well no worries I’ll just go r— - *CONSENT WAS NOT INVOLVED*
- *Hiss* some other lady- Oh that’s not fair ~~Important news from the boss!~~ *wzzbzbbtt* The instructions on delivering the girl are hidden in ah- *burns* Oops I hope you caught that alright that’s it from me *shot* [GIORNO] So let me get this straight, we’re getting a CD [MISTA] - Yep
[GIORNO] - The CD is hidden in a lion statue across this bridge [MISTA] - Yep yep
[GIORNO] - And our job is to fetch it before the enemy reconstructs the burnt ashes back into the photo we saw [MISTA] Yyyyep [GIORNO] ...So wouldn’t it suck if the whole reason we took such a large detour to Venice— [GHIACCIO] - VENEZIA!! JUST SA JUST SAY SAYSAY VENEZIA [MISTA] - ...Giorno, I have lost a finger
[GHIACCIO] - BOTH YOU AND I ARESAY VENEZIA [GIORNO] Why is a yelling man on our car??
[GHIACCIO] - BOTH YOU AND I ARE ITALITALIAN DONUT BBBBOYYYY!!! ~~Ghiaccio’s White Album~~ ~~-1 degrees kelvin~~ [GHIACCIO] THAT’S NNNOT HOW THAT WORKS [GHIACCIO] AHHHH- ...hhhrrgrhghhggrhhhhhhhh- *shot* AUEUEGHH [MISTA] Whew, that was a close one! [GHIACCIO] CLOSE TO WHAT [GIORNO] - AHH
[MISTA] - AUGH *donk and explosive, don't worry they're fine* ~~Ghiaccio’s White Album Gently Weeps~~ ~~stop hitting yourself >:)~~ [MISTA] I don’t wanna do this, it won’t hurt you as much as it’ll hurt me! [GHIACCIO] CORRECT [MISTA] Ow- That was a little stupid- OW that was a little- OW OW [GIORNO] Cmon Mista you can do it! [MISTA] He’s right, I can do it! [MISTA] Wait Giorno did you just beat— [GIORNO] Yes [MISTA] DFSGHHDHFRF [NARANCIA] - ...Nope!!!
~~Uhhh they figure it out??~~ [BUCCIARATI] Tell us what to do oh mysterious CD Rom! [GIANT GIORNO] HELLO BRUNO ~~Meanwhile, in Venice~~ I— [BUCCIARATI] We have arrived at... Big Ben? That’s Big Ben right I think it’s Big Ben [GIORNO] Bucciarati I wish you the BEST of luck [FUGO] Get me an autograph! [BUCCIARATI] I hope this goes well! [BOSS] - NOBODY WILL SUSPECT A THING!!
[BUCCIARATI] - *snip* this goes well wha WHA WHAT IS THIS— [BUCCIARATI] BOSS WHAT THE FUCK [TRISH] I’m so disoriented I haven’t even realized I’ve been knocked out yet! It’s almost like the period of time where I was knocked out was skipped over, and I— Oop there I go *sleep* [BUCCIARATI] Nyeh!! Wow where’s that throwing arm been my whole life! ~~The Boss’s King Crimson: Time skips—~~ ~~Except for when it doesn’t. ...Whaaat~~ [BOSS] Bruno!! What do you think you are doing!! [BUCCIARATI] Saving the day! Giorno! The boss— *oof* [BUCCIARATI] ...On second thought, I’ll catch you later *owie* ...I’m a little tied up in something *beep* Alright adrenaline let’s see how long you can keep me going! [BOSS] WHY AREN’T YOU DEEEAAD [BUCCIARATI] A temporary reprieve! Oop there I go Gotta be honest that was longer than I was expecting *slam* [GIORNO] I’ll save you Bucciarati! ...*tap tap* Bucciarati? [BUCCIARATI] I’ve got bad news Giorno… You were too late. Your healing ability can’t revive anybody from the dead. [GIORNO] What…? [BUCCIARATI] I said your healing abil— W— Oh, OH, Oh never mind, situation misread let’s go!! [BOSS] I’M SO FLUMMOXED!! [BUCCIARATI] Unfortunately team, I now have to class this vessel the traitorboat Who would like to join me? [FUGO] Bucciarati, if we’re classed as traitors, Then the boss’s elite guard are gonna come kill us in like two milliseconds! You’ve gone absolutely mad if you think anybody would join— [BUCCIARATI] Alright bye Fugo bye Narancia! *vroom* [FUGO] ...Good to know at least you have some sense to— [NARANCIA] AHH METAPHORS *Second swan dive of the video! Wow* [FUGO] …Wait— [NARANCIA] TRISH IS MEEEE ~~Narancia is Trish~~ [NARANCIA] The enemy…? [MISTA] Enemy… [NARANCIA] - ...Ene- THE ENEMY
[MISTA] - THE ENEMY [ABBACCHIO] ...The enemy ~~I hunger and also pray we weren’t doing something VERY IMPORTANT~~ [NARANCIA] There is not a shark attacking us!! [BUCCIARATI] Good to know [NARANCIA] YES, GUYS, YOU UNDERSTAND, THERE IS NOT A SHARK ATTACKING US [BUCCIARATI] I didn’t think there was but I’m happy we have confirmation [NARANCIA] EXACTLY!!! ~~Squalo’s Clash: Is a shark~~ ~~Tiziano’s Talking Head: IS A SHARK~~ This part of the script was written during pride month HUARGH [NARANCIA] *goodbye diner* WHERE ISN’T THE ENEMY [NARANCIA] I DON’T NOT KNOW WHERE THE ENEMY IS Wait does that mean he knows where we are? No my ability makes it a triple negative, and, and he— E- he... Oh nope it’s— Wait does that make it a quadruple negative— *Shot* ~~I just had the best idea, let’s go fly a plaNE~~ ~~in an EPISode of JOJO’S BizARre AdVENTturE~~ [BUCCIARATI] So the plan is, steal a plane Wait you can’t do that— *zipped* [BUCCIARATI] And fly that plane to Sardinia, where Trish says we’ll find a clue about her father, and uncover his identity! [GIORNO] There’s definitely 100% nothing living on this plane! [MISTA] - So we’re—
[CARNE] - UGUGO— *Shotshotshot* [MISTA] So we’re definitely safe to go flying a plane in this episode of JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure [GIORNO] Why does my hand feel so heavy *plane sound* [GIORNO] Who’s writing this?? Who’s writing this?? Who could possibly be writing this?? DEEUGHH *snip* ~~Carne’s Notorious B.I.G~~ ~~How did he get this job~~ [BUCCIARATI] *door* Abbacchio, bad news. Mista and Narancia got attacked and are dying, and Giorno can’t heal without his arms, and as you can see, he has lost both of his arms! [ABBACCHIO] Yes Bruno, I do see that. You did not need to specify. [TRISH] The current situation is terribly unfortunate but thankfully the enemy that follows the fastest thing in its vicinity was thrown off the- plane— Waaait [NOTORIOUS B.I.G] *Smash* UGUGOBOBUBA [TRISH] - AHH!
[SPICE GIRL] - Looks like it’s your turn— [SPICE GIRL] - Looks like it’s your turn— [TRISH] AHH!!
[SPICE GIRL] - Looks like it’s your turn— ~~Trish Una’s Spice Girl~~ ~~Shock Spring Wallpaper~~ [TRISH] Wait, it’s Giorno’s hand! If I can keep it safe then I can save everybody! I just need to… Not move... While doing it *unhappy plane noises* UGUGOBOBUBA [BUCCIARATI] ...Trish what did you do [TRISH] Something extremely smart!! [NOTORIOUS B.I.G] UUUUUUU ♪~If you wanna be my lover…~♪ ♪~...You gotta get with—~♪ *descending plane* UGUGOBOBUBA *unhappy plane* *boioing* [TRISH] Just as planned! [ABBACCHIO] Travel was a mistake let’s never go anywhere ever again SO THEY MADE IT TO SARDINIA ALIVE, AND THEY’LL INEVITABLY FIGURE OUT THE ONE LITERAL ONLY POSSIBLE CLUE TO MY IDENTITY BY USING MOODY BLUES TO REWIND TO WHEN I TOOK THAT PICTURE THAT ONE TIME FIFTEEN YEARS AGO... FINE, I’LL DO IT MYSELF— La la la, having a nice vacation here in Sardinia! [FORTUNE TELLER] Hello young man would you like your fortune— [DOPPIO] *skip* Loving the weather! [TAXI MAN] That will be one billion— [DOPPIO] I AM NOT— Tooorururururuu!! Hello I am Doppio he- hello I am boss I am evil lovely oh hello boss what is it I want you to killll- kill enemy but not driver man okay okay boss byeee *beep* Hello strange man— HUEHGH ~~Risotto Nero’s Metallica~~ ~~Metal?!? Ick, aahhhh—~~ Tooorururururuuuu— Hello boss! [BOSS] DOPPIO THAT’S RISOTTO THE TRAITOR AND HE’S TRYING TO KILL YOU [DOPPIO] He is? Oh I guess he is [BOSS] YOU MUST USE MY EPITAPH ABILITY TO SEE INTO THE FUTURE, TELL ME DOPPIO WHAT DOES THE FUTURE SAY!! ~~“Vinegar Doppio’s Epitaph"~~ ~~"I dunno if this counts but uhhhh *snip*”~ [DOPPIO] Okay I didn’t understand that first part but apparently my foot’s getting chopped off! WHAT [BUCCIARATI] Alright Abbacchio start the rewind! ~~Vinegar Doppio’s Epitaph~~ ~~I dunno if this counts but uhhhh~~ *snip* Argh, it was my foot actually! GOOD JOB, YOU FOOLED THE CONCEPT OF DESTINY [NARANCIA] The enemy!! [BUCCIARATI] Stay here Abbacchio, we’ll be right back! [ABBACCHIO] EUAGHH *crack* [BUCCIARATI] ...Oh goddamn it [NARANCIA] Check out how hard I can cry! *PPWWSHHHH* ~~But wait!~~ [BUCCIARATI] It’s the boss’s face!! Now we finally know exactly what he looks like!! [NARANCIA] Thank you Abbacchio’s corpse! [BUCCIARATI] Never mind all traces of his face were scrubbed off the internet DUH I mean I— Of COURSE he’d do that [GIORNO] ...And I thought I was antisocial [BUCCIARATI] Looks like at this rate we’ll never figure out the enemy’s—
. [BUCCIARATI] Looks like at this rate we’ll never figure out the enemy’s—
[COMPUTER] The enemy’s secret identity!! [BUCCIARATI] Whoa what what
[COMPUTER] The enemy’s secret identity!! [COMPUTER] Hello!! I am a friend who’s name is… Irrelevant!! [IRRELEVANT] And I will help you in the pursuit of Diavolo! [GIORNO] A name, finally— *Takkatakka* [IRRELEVANT] ...Don’t bother googling it I’ve tried— [IRRELEVANT] You must utilize the power of my stand arrow!! Come meet me in Rome’s Colosseum! ~~Uh oh more travelling~~ [MISTA] Hoping this isn’t a bad time to ask but do you think the boss is out of elite guard members? *bleh* *bleh, explosive* ~~Cioccolata’s Green Day~~ ~~Do you have the time, to KILL everything all at once~~ [CIOCCOLATA] Look Secco at how extremely alive they are. Disgusting. My goodness my morality is in the hard negatives [SECCO] UUEEUHH *sploop* [SECCO] - GUUEGHGH
[MISTA] - hello there *shot* OW wow I need to stop doing that! ~~Secco’s Oasis: #deep~~ [BUCCIARATI] hehehehehhhheh hup- ARI!! [SECCO] UEEHHGH *beep beep beep beep* cioccolata sir [CIOCCOLATA] Are they dead yet? [SECCO] No uh, so anybody with velocity in a downward trajectory gets attacked by the mold virus, correct? [CIOCCOLATA] - Correct
[SECCO] - Right so uh long story short They got away and I think Bucciarati is a zombie actually [GIORNO] Bucciarati are you a zombie actually [BUCCIARATI] No… Yes, okay, yes, I’ve been dead for about 10 episodes now are you happy [GIORNO] No! what! ~~Meanwhile, in Rome~~ *explosions and screaming* [CIOCCOLATA] Ahahaha I am so incredibly evil that I in fact LIKE stepping on lego pieces! ...Does that joke scan? Whatever I’m gonna go home and burn some toast or something *tree* [GIORNO] Good shot Mista! Now shoot him down! [MISTA] *shot* WHY [GIORNO] Alright hold on I’ll do— UEHGH *branch* I’ll just AHH *crack, flipkick* *smack* There that worked *Fastest phonecall in the west* SKIBBIDIBOPNNDADA [GIORNO] Now to— Wait are you dead— He’s not dead. Yeah, impressive right, stick it to the man! Wait I might be getting my metaphors mixed up, Too much meta— or is it just too meta, I should probably just make this beetle explode out of your head already [CIOCCOLATA] *splat* UEGH BEETLES SUCK [GIORNO] SLANDER!! MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA
MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA THROW A WRYY IN THERE FOR GOOD MEASURE, MUDAA!! *Smash* ...aa *victory fanfare played in the form of descending pianos* ~~Meanwhile, at the Colosseum but actually~~ [BUCCIARATI] Okay... That one’s definitely Big Ben [POLNAREFF] Good evening! Hope you’re enjoying today’s surprise reveal! Catch you in a minute the show’s back on [SECCO] *close proximity explosion* YOU MIGHT’VE MADE ME DEAF BUT THIS HOSTAGE [BUCCIARATI] WHAAAAAT I MADE MYSELF DEAF [SECCO] WHAAAT [BUCCIARATI] - WHAAAAT
[SECCO] - WHAAAT [BUCCIARATI] *STYLISH ARI!* [SECCO] UEGHH *slurp* [BUCCIARATI] Gotta admit feeling pretty good for someone afflicted with blindness deafness and literal death oh hey Trish do you wanna help walk me to the colosseum [DOPPIO] Yeah I’ll roll with that [POLNAREFF] Bucciarati!! Who’s that!! [BUCCIARATI] This is Trish! She’s part of our team! [POLNAREFF] SHE? [DOPPIO] Yeah she!! [POLNAREFF] - Oh pog sorry [POLNAREFF] - WAIT A MINUTE
[DOPPIO] - WAIT A MINUTE ~~A little over 12 years in the previously~~ [DIAVOLO] Got a feeling these arrowheads I found buried in the sand have an equal chance to lead to excellence or serious injury, lets go asking every person in Egypt about them until I find one who somehow knows what they are! [ENYABA] Hello welcome to my vase and plate shop what are the chances you could sell one of your extraordinarily valuable and powerful arrowheads and kickstart a hilariously expansive butterfly effect [DIAVOLO] Oh I only need the one you can have all of these [ENYABA] oOOOHHH ~~Exactly 12 years in the previously~~ [POLNAREFF] So here’s the plan! You go searching for the man who we in passing heard sold the arrowheads on one half of the world, and I go searching on the other half of the world! Splitting up like this will surely help us find the culprit in no time! [JOTARO] ...Dibs Japan [POLNAREFF] I’ve found you foul villain! Give up now or else I will— *skip snipsnipsnip* Owiiie!! *slam* [POLNAREFF] I’ll be honest not sure how I’m gonna get out of this one! ...Oh well I’ll figure something out ~~0 years in the previously, give or take a few minutes~~ [DOPPIO] Check out my fun magic trick! [DIAVOLO] I hate bringing attention to myself but I still enjoy prettying myself up, so sue me [POLNAREFF] That’s as far as you go! -Ow- Please do not approach meee! [POLNAREFF] *Skip* DUEGH [DIAVOLO] *Slice* What’s this? A wound? Looks like all I need to do is blind you like this, then you won’t be able to tell I skipped time!! ~~What?! So then my King Crimson explanation doesn’t make sense after all!!~~ ~~Diavolo’s King Crimson~~ ~~NEVER MIND~~ [DIAVOLO] Second time's the charm!! [GIORNO] Got the strongest feeling we’re missing out on something rather important- Oh hey Bucciarati [POLNAREFF] Iggy… Kakyoin… Avdol… ...Judgement— Judgement? Why Judgement [DIAVOLO] I finally have the arrow! Now nothing can stand in the way of— Who are you *slam, snoring* [GIORNO NARANCIA] - I just had the weirdest dream hey Trish—
[TRISH MISTA] - I just had the weirdest dream hey Giorno— [GIORNO NARANCIA] - Where? I’m talking to you— WHAT?
[TRISH MISTA] - Where? I’m talking to you— WHAT? [EVERYONE] WHAT?? [POLNAREFF] We finally meet! [EVERYONE EXCEPT THE TURTLE ACTUALLY] WHAT?? [POLNAREFF] I’m surprised I figured out what happened as quickly as I did But I guess that’s what death does to a person! [DIAVOLO BUCCIARATI] Hey guys [EVERYONE EXCEPT BUCCIAVOLO] AHH!! ~~JEAN PIERRE POLNAREFF'S CHARIOT REQUIEM~~ ~~I CAN’T SAY I KNOW WHAT I’M DOING HERE~~ [POLNAREFF] Okay so I’m Polnareff, my body is the turtle, Giorno is Narancia, Narancia is Giorno, Bucciarati is Diavolo, Trish is Mista, and— ~~MISTA IS TRISH~~ *Ominous chariot requiem noises* [POLNAREFF] You gotta steal the arrow away from my stand!— Sorry I can’t control it you’re on your own I’m a turtle [DIAVOLO BUCCIARATI] ARI- Oaugh!! [TRISH MISTA] *shotboing* Okay that one was just humiliating [BUCCIARATI DOPPIO] Ugh whoa… I feel really dead for some reason *shot* HUEHGH *slam* [GIORNO NARANCIA] I can’t believe we just defeated Diavolo! I would like to take this opportunity to say that I’m so happy to be alive, and that I can’t wait to go home, and that I’m so happy to be alive! [KING CRIMSON] Hold on! I should— Wait, so if, if I want to, hold on— *snapsnapsnapsnap* And then I take— Hup... Oops, uh, wait one more go, hup!! *slam slam slam* That’ll do [MISTA TRISH] ...What??
[DIAVOLO BUCCIARATI] What!!
[NARANCIA GIORNO] What no I don’t understand that
[TRISH MISTA] What— How was that even possible? [NARANCIA GIORNO] Unfortunately team, this body is fully healed and Narancia’s soul has disappeared, which meanssswwhwhh— *skkewweeweebbdbdb* [GIORNO] WhhOOAAHh that was the WEIRDEST thing I’ve EVER FELT you would NOT BELIEVE ~~QUICK! SLOWLY WALKING MAN IS GETTING AWAY!~~ *Ominous chariot requiem noises* *well that's embarrassing* [TRISH MISTA] So uhh how perchance are we gonna take the arrow without our stands attacking us? *this* [TRISH MISTA] ...Oh yeah I guess that works *kaJam* Oh, don’t worry I got a spare like, literally just now [GIORNO] WAAAIT [POLNAREFF] Giorno I grew a second head!! [GIORNO] Not now Polnareff, Mista’s broken gun proves Diavolo’s actually hiding in one of our bodies!! So long as we can figure out who— [GIORNO] ...Oh for the love of heck Woo wahoo, wahhoohoohoo, woo!! [KING CRIMSON] I’ve figured out the trick, it’s so OBVIOUS that there’s a floating sun behind my head I need to punch the floating sun behind my head that’s been there this whole time that only I can see but couldn’t because it’s a floating sun behind my head duh!! *the sound of glowing, explosions, and an arrow being picked up* [GIORNO] ANTS [KING CRIMSON] WHY [KING CRIMSON] - NO!
[EYES GUY] - ow :( [KING CRIMSON] OH COME ON!! *Punch* [KING CRIMSON] I’VE GOT IT I’VE GOT IT [DIAVOLO BUCCIARATI] - Nope!
[KING CRIMSON] - WHAT [DIAVOLO BUCCIARATI] If I destroy the floating sun behind my head then you won’t get the arrow because our bodies will switch back, which OH JEEZ sucks for me but here we go!! *Explode* *Soul switchies* [GIORNO] Wait, Bucciarati!! You- You were the Golden Wind the whole time! [BUCCIARATI] ...Sure if that helps you sleep at night [GIORNO] Well, here’s hoping Polnareff’s wild guesstimation was correct— *Stabs self* [DIAVOLO] AS I ALWAYS SAY FIRST TIME'S THE CHARM! *Punch* [GOLD EXPERIENCE REQUIEM] GOOD MORNING [DIAVOLO] AHA! As I always say, second time's the charm!! Be dead!! ...Wait this isn’t right, I call shenanigans!! AHA! As I always say third time's the charm!! - Be dead!!
- Be dead!!
- Be dead!!
- Be dead!! *ad infinitum* WELL as I always say...!! - FOURTH TIME'S THE CHARM!!
- FIFTH TIME'S THE CHARM!!
- SIXTH TIME'S THE CHARM!!
- SEVENTH TIME'S THE CHARM!! - EIGHTH TIME'S THE CHARM!!
- NINTH TIME'S THE CHARM!!
- TENTH TIME'S THE CHARM!!
- ELEVENTH TIME'S THE CHARM!! - TWELFTH TIME'S THE CHARM!!
- THIRTEENTH TIME'S THE CHARM!!
- FOURTEENTH TIME'S THE CHARM!!
- FIFTEENTH TIME'S THE CHARM!! - SIXTEENTH TIME'S THE CHARM!!
- SEVENTEENTH TIME'S THE CHARM!!
- EIGHTEEN—!!! ~~Giorno Giovanna’s Gold Experience Requiem~~ ~~NO~~ [DIAVOLO] UEUEUEUEUEUEUEUEUEUE [GIORNO] MUDA! ♪~Down, down, down you go~♪ ♪~No way to stop~♪ ♪~As you fall, hear me call~♪ ♪~No, no—~♪ [DIAVOLO] NO! *splash* [TRISH] Quick! Go finish him off! [GIORNO] - Nah it’s fine
[MISTA] - What?? [GIORNO] He’s— It’s fine we don’t gotta worry about it [TRISH] But he’s not dead!! [DIAVOLO] *Splash* I’M ALIVE [BUM] - *stab* Nyehee!
[DIAVOLO] - UEGH *everything* [GIORNO] It’s fine I got a good feeling about this let’s go bury Bucciarati or something ~~One fucking week ago~~ [BUCCIARATI] Remember Luca, the shovel guy? Yeah so he just exploded and I’m gonna go investigate the murder suspect [FUGO] You’re gonna lick him? [BUCCIARATI] Of course I’m gonna lick him what do you take me for Bucciarati!! Please exact revenge on my daughter’s murderer! [BUCCIARATI] We’re not assassins. [BUCCIARATI] ...Alright we’re conditional assassins [MISTA] Hey Bucciarati— [BUCCIARATI] Not now Mista [MISTA] I swear! It looked like one of those uh— What are they called— AH THE THE, THE THE THE!! [BUCCIARATI] - Don’t be long!
[MISTA] - I won’t! [BUCCIARATI] ...I don’t trust him by himself [MISTA] AHH!! IT’S THE WATCHAMACALLIT! THE WHOZAMAWHATSITS AAA IT’S ON THE TIP OF MY TONGUE! [SCOLIPPI] It’s my *shots* OW OW [MISTA] WHY DOES IT LOOK LIKE BUCCIARATI My name is Scolippi and this is my ability Rolling Stones, if I were to describe it I’d say— ~~Scolippi’s Rolling Stones~~ ~~Your density~~ [MISTA] That was way too long and convoluted!! *click click click click* [SCOLIPPI] Basically Bucciarati is going to die soon but if he touches the rock instead he dies instantly! [MISTA] WHAT!! DUEGUGHH!!!! [BUCCIARATI] Wow that’s not even close to being in the top 100 things I was expecting to see today [MISTA] AUEHGH BUCCIARATI PRETEND THE FLOOR IS LAVA BUT THE ROCK IS THE FLOOR!!! [MISTA] *precarious zip* AAAAAAAAA!!!!! [MISTA] *multiple broken objects* I KILLED FATE!! ~~Or did he?~~ [GIORNO] Anyways so I guess defying inevitable destiny was a theme of this part [POLNAREFF] Hey Giorno, for future reference— In case it ever comes up, turns out grabbing onto the nearest turtle can prevent your soul from flying off into the aether! [GIORNO] ...I don’t know how to put this gently Polnareff, but… It’s a tortoise. Turtles are sea creatures, I didn’t want to seem rude so I didn’t go out of my way to correct anyone ...So how the hell are we gonna transition into the next part? “Oh jeez I wonder how my dad’s doing”, or something. A bit of a non-sequitur isn’t it [POLNAREFF] Who is your father, Giorno? [GIORNO] ...I dunno, you wouldn’t know him… He might’ve been important, or something, but oh well. ...Or, I mean, I guess I do have this picture [POLNAREFF] ...WHA— ~~Bow chicka wow wow~~
~~God I wanna bone~~ ~~...Bow chicka wow wow—~~
~~aaaaAA GOD I WANNA BONE~~ [GIORNO] Get it, it’s like a pun a- eh- ~~PART 6 WHEN~~
~~THUS PERPETUATES THE ENDLESS CYCLE~~
