I always wanted to live in New York when I
was a kid. I'm so excited that I get to live in New York. What would a cartoon rich person
do? It was a small web company owned by this old man who was old old old money New York.
His name was Henry J. Finch IV. Like, old, old, old money, like his money was in molasses or
something. I went to college for the whole time. Holy shit, right? Aww she's beautiful.
She's enchanting. I was sitting up in bed a few weeks ago like ugh. You know,
life? He let us know who he was right away. You could do anything to me. I was just
like a young motown singer. I was just shiny and dumb and easy to trick. Why buy
the cow when you can get the milk for free? It was totally unsupervised. We were like
dogs without horses, we were running wild. Some people give off a vibe of like right
away they're like do not fuck with me. My vibe is more like, "Hey, you could pour soup
in my lap and I'll probably apologize to you." Everyone I had ever met was there and everyone
was drinking like it was the end of the world. People were drinking like it was the Civil War
and a doctor was coming to saw our legs off. This is the height of luxury! I lived
on cigarettes and alcohol and adderall. And isn't that the American Dream when all is
said and done? She's not gonna do anything else for you. It's done. Oh why buy the cow? Let's
be real, why buy the cow? Because you love her. You really do. This might as well happen. I have a
girlfriend now, uh, myself which is weird because I'm probably gay based on the way I act and
behave and have walked and talked for 28 years. I think I was supposed to be gay. I didn't mean
to make it sound like we don't want children. We don't, but I didn't mean to make it sound like
that. He was a man most acquainted with misery. I don't know if you've ever been in a long
relationship where you got cheated on, but it changes your whole world view. Um, at the time...
Not fucking Tom! Not funny! Get away from my wife! No one talk to my wife! But sometimes I'd
almost be proud of it, you know? I'd be like, "Wow, I turned 20 dollars into a hundred dollars.
I am a financial wizard. Like, I would like to give people money advice now but I don't know how
that would go. I try to stay a little optimistic even though I will admit things are getting
pretty sticky. I'm a terrible driver. I know nothing about cars. I meant to learn about cars
and then I forgot. What? Huh? What? Huh? What? When? What? And I said yes. But here's
the thing - I hadn't. God can't hear you. Ah! One feels like a duck splashing around in
all this wet and when one feels like a duck, one is happy. How could another person
kill someone? How could a human being kill another human being? And then I got
cheated on and I was like, "Oh, okay." So I got my stuff and I left. Strange, the passage of time.
