Arcane Explained by John Mulaney (Crack Edit) - ACT I

[Music] it's really it's really tragic [Music] he was a man most acquainted with misery i some cheeto fingered rat mustache 13 year old prick scatter some friends of mine were sued in college for property damage and they were guilty i know it's tough for gay youths on the street but that's not like a reason for money you can't be like hey would you help me out i'm very gay i'd like a few dollars nice haul you can say that i like to lean in and go stop snitching [ __ ] and then walk on just a taste just street smiles stay down on the ground stay down on the ground you mother [ __ ] you want it go get it vander learns none of this no worries there powder took care of the evidence doesn't anyone want to know why stick with us take a punch or two thanks i'm nine fell deadly silent is what they all did sometimes people would say uh what do you think you're doing but that just meant stop you did put that idiot on his ass though right he's my hero uh they'll be fine go okay see you at improv practice well hello all right i am too blessed to be stressed let's do it what are you allergic to besides work those who did this will be dealt with they will be up in their rooms playing violent video games and catfishing pedophiles these are my children i'm sorry grayson but i can't offer up my own people fine you know what are you calling this one whisker but i have had a very long day i am very small and i have no money so you can imagine the kind of stress that i am under when i was a kid some guy took my favorite toy and threw it up there no one cared about kids these were in my pocket i'm very brave [Music] hello is someone in there your suspicions are correct i went to college for the whole time i don't know what my body is for other than just taking my head from room to room what happened here and i said science i guess you know like a liar he was the weirdest goddamn person i ever saw in my entire life professor heimerdinger go ahead and laugh his name is ridiculous magic yes no no he also had a huge handlebar mustache maybe just don't take powder next time [Music] [Music] hmm gross this one that's it well that's a child's toy it's wrong to make fun of people you know but it's so fun sometimes like old old old money we were just eating triscuits in silence and i was staring at the floor and i was like well here goes nothing you ever see super mad about everything all the time i'm so open and vulnerable first time i've been invited to the lanes it better be worth my time oh that's what i thought you'd say you dumb [ __ ] horse what about it you don't look so concerned i'm about to make your day no no no sister you're not getting me to no secondary location could you stabilize it oh me i'm just an old old man i don't have the appetites there's a monster inside all of us what no no no it'll kill me i was like yeah you got it man i was over on the bench i was over on the bench i was over on the bench i was sitting over on the bench i was over on the bench i made a salad with craisins so why are you out here i'm a misfit too i suppose yeah we're doing our best counselor i assure you your attitude makes me question if your best is up to the task [ __ ] what [Applause] and i'm gonna bury the lot of you how are you better than a nazi every day i think i'm becoming more like my dad no i was i was intrigued by what you said at the trial you're a 22 year old temp and you're so hungover and you just want to die every day and then that happens in front of you and i don't know gives you hope poor [ __ ] from the undercity i wasn't outsider the moment i stepped foot and built over so i put on a sweater and a pair of corduroy pants and i felt safe i don't even know your name it's viktor what who's his best friend i'm a disgraced nuclear physicist the crystals will only stabilize at high frequency you have to go down on some rock and twink yes you're not doing this alone vi he's our father too ah none of us really know our fathers anyway you know how i'm filled with rage i can help them ah oh wow that's a really good idea a lot of little boys are gay you know they're very flowy and they have hard opinions on things will you please stop hovering and i said i sure would like to sort of like a motorcycle sidecar situation think about that for two minutes and tell me you don't want to walk into the ocean hello i'm chip mullaney i'm your father [Music]

Channel: woebe baller-phridge

Views: 69,146

Keywords:

Id: SuMVmCd2648

Length: 7min 4sec (424 seconds)

Published: Thu Jan 06 2022

Reddit Comments

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[u/TheySayImaPinhead]

First off, this is fucking gold, second off, did I watch 5 seasons of Big Mouth for John Mulaney? Yes I did. Do I regret it? ^{Kind of?}

Edit: "Go down on some rockin twink" was probably the best placed line of this video. Closely followed by Chip Mulaney.

[u/zxmuffin]

Nice. I cracked up few times.

[u/AvatarAce12]

I saw Arcane and John Mulaney. That's all I needed to click.

[u/CharacterElk5194]

Oh ho ho! Combine two of my favorite things of all time will you? Well, have my upvote and everlasting appreciation then!