-I have a question for you.
Can I ask you? -Yeah, please.
-Okay, cool. These are just things
I've been curious about you. Who do you wish you'd been
closer to that you weren't? -In my life? -Um, it'd be nice if it
overlapped with people I know. [ Laughter ] -You know what I mean?
Just for my own interest. -Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-If you start talking about someone
from New Hampshire, other than Ghislaine Maxwell...
-I wish I was, like, closer with, like, my grandmother,
but you don't want that. -You do?
-Well, my brother was closer with her.
-Why? -Because when she,
like, got old, she moved to San Diego and he
would, like, drive to see her all the time.
-And you wouldn't? -Well, I didn't live
in California. -Oh, well, then, yeah.
-Yeah. But I will say, I think,
if I lived in California, I wouldn't have made the drive.
-What would they do? Yeah, that's
what I was thinking. -But I think it makes me feel
like, "Oh, he's just nicer." -Is he?
I mean, but what did they do? Hang out?
-Yeah, he would go down there. She lived with two of my aunts,
and they would hang out. -Huh. And did he like it,
or he felt he needed to do it? -No, I think he really liked it.
-He actually liked hanging with that crew?
-Yeah. I mean, my grandmother was
a great lady, but I just would -- Yeah. -Yeah, grandmas are great ladies
to their grandchildren. -How was your -- You
name-dropped your grandmother in the monologue.
-Yeah. -Was she happy
with the monologue? Have you heard back?
-She thought it was very funny. -You gave her, like -- You
made her have the punch line. -Oh, yeah, no, I mean,
she's -- she's, uh -- she's got, like,
Joan Crawford-esque lines coming out of her mouth
constantly. -[ Laughs ]
-And everything about her -- Like, my sense, if you're like,
"Where did you get your stand-up sensibilities?"
like, I'm doing my Nana. Uh...
[ Both laugh ] So, yeah, no, she got
the last laugh. That was when she told me that
if she wasn't my grandmother, she wouldn't know who I was,
which I thought was great. -I was thinking about,
while you were talking, 'cause I wasn't really
tuned in... -Sure.
-[ Laughs ] Closer with -- somebody I wish
I was closer with -- like, our friend Jost just
married Scarlett Johansson. -Yeah.
-We've talked about this. We didn't know you could, like,
talk to hosts. -No.
I knew you could talk to them. But the idea of, like, you know,
"May I have this dance?" [ Laughter ]
Like, are you out of your mind? Like, are you out of your mind?
[ Laughter ] But, you know, Jost also -- we've written those musicals
together. And it's not divided up like
I'm music and he's insanity. But, like, you know, like, the
sparks sprang out of the wall in the LaGuardia sketch that almost hit
the flying Jake Gyllenhaal. -Yeah.
-That's Jost's idea, you know. So that's the kind of confidence
that's makes you go up to a movie star and go like,
"Hey, what are you doing later?" [ Laughter ] Yeah, I think the closest I got
was I, uh -- I asked if Danny DeVito
would come meet my wife. [ Laughter ] Which, you know, was awesome,
but... -At a party.
Like, he didn't have to leave a party or anything.
-No, he just had to get out of his booth,
which was awkward, though. You ever seen someone get out
of the middle of the booth that's just like that
for, like, an hour. So, he got out and, yeah...
But, no, I never, um... I mean, all the people
I could have dated, you know? -I know, let it go 'cause
we were focused on the work. -Sigourney Weaver.
-Sigourney Weaver. -She hosted.
-Helen Mirren. I wish I was close
with Helen Mirren. -I had a box of chocolates and
flowers for Helen Mirren. And I was gonna ask her
to go to the Rainbow Room, and then I thought,
"You know what? There's probably
a 'no dating the host' policy." [ Laughter ]
But he married her. They married each other.
-Yeah. -That's the way you say it now.
-[ Laughs ] -And so it doesn't
break company policy. -Yeah.
-Yeah. -Good. You have
anything else to ask me? -Yeah, I got a bunch of stuff.
-Great. -How was Jost's wedding?
-It was really nice. -Yeah, I was really bummed
I wasn't invited. Do you think
you are good-looking? -Do I think I'm good-looking?
-Yeah. -I think I'm, uh --
I think I'm okay. But I'm not, like --
I think I'm fine. -Really?
-I don't look at -- I will say, I don't ever, like,
look in the mirror and obsess over anything. But I'm not, like,
va-va-va-voom. -Oh, you're not, like,
va-va-va-voom. -Yeah.
-Okay. Do you have
va-va-va-voom moments? -Um, you know what?
Here's the thing. I think I maybe think I'm
a little bit better-looking than I am when
I look at a photo. I'm sometimes like, "Oh,
I was a little off." -Yeah.
-Yeah. You know what I mean? So maybe I do think
I'm good-looking, but then photos bring me
back down to Earth. -Yeah, I often see photos
of myself onstage, and I go, "I wish
I could be that guy." Uh, but...
-But I'm the opposite. I'm saying, I think,
in my head... -Okay.
-[ Laughs ] I think, in my head,
I'm like, "Alright, I think I look good,"
and then I'll see a photo of myself onstage, and
I'm like, "Oh, boy." -Well, that's all angles, too...
-I got some bad angles. -...and some college newspaper
photographers, like, right under me,
and say, "Hey, buddy." Again, 38. When I'm 25,
you can take those angles. Okay, next question.
Have I ever hurt your feelings? -I don't think so.
-Okay. -But I think there are times that I've worried
you were mad at me. -Oh.
-Yeah. -Oh, no.
-I think that maybe you don't -- No, but I think this is just how
people at the show communicate. Like, I was always worried
that maybe, if I had to give you bad news
at the show, that sometimes
you were mad at me and wouldn't say,
"I'm mad at you." -Mm, mm. Uh, I have heard that feedback
before from others. Uh, no, I was never mad at you. Uh, I was mad at the "system," which was just a straw man
sometimes. Uh, but, no.
But I -- I know that I maybe didn't give off, like,
the correct, like, "Hey, I know you're just
giving me the news, buddy." -I think it's a lot
for me to ask, as well, as being the giver of bad news, that then the person
I'm giving it to has to make me feel okay
about it. So it's, like,
a little unfair to say. -It was often after we were
up 36 hours. -Yeah.
-Yeah. I think I often was disappointed
when something that, like, Simon Rich and Marika Sawyer
and I wasn't picked. I was disappointed there wasn't,
like, a revolution from the staff.
-Right. -I was like, "Well, surely,
there will be unrest until it's put in."
You know? [ Laughter ]
But, no, I feel -- -No, you shouldn't feel --
I feel -- But I mostly -- I think it's
more the value is that you never --
you never hurt my feelings. -Oh, yeah.
You've never hurt my feelings. -I'm glad to hear that.
-Yeah, uh... you have a very high EQ. Emotional Q.
-Oh. -I don't know
what "IQ" stands for. -[ Laughs ]
-Intelligence Quota? I don't know.
-[ Laughs ] -I was gonna take a --
My psychiatrist was like, "Do you want to take a formal
test to see if you have ADHD, which you definitely have?"
And I was like, "Sure." And it's a neuropsych test.
And she said, "You will find out your IQ
on this test. It just -- It's also listed.
So, if, psychologically, you don't think
you could handle that, maybe we should not
take the test." And I was like,
"If I have a low IQ, I'm gonna be thrilled, 'cause,
like, I beat the system." You know?
[ Laughter ] I got a coat. Look at me.
[ Laughter ] Um, uh, do you think
about your own funeral? -Um...no. -Really?
-Yeah. -Oh.
-Do you think about yours? -Yeah. Do other people?
-Yeah. -Yeah. Okay. -I think, sometimes --
I think -- You know what? I think, when I get close to it,
I try to stop myself. -When you almost start thinking
about your funeral? -Yeah.
-Like, you'll be driving, and you're like,
"I'm picturing flowers. That's a casket.
Calm down, Seth." -I should point, the only thing
I think about is what people will say.
-That's what I'm talking about. -I'm not talking about the
casket color or the pallbearers. [ Laughter ]
I'm not talking about which cast members
I make carry my dead body up a marble floor of a church.
[ Laughs ] I'm gonna make them carry
a long, long, long church. No, it's about the speeches.
-Do you think about it a lot? -Yes. I would like people
to include my faults. -Interesting.
-And not be like, "He was always there for you."
It's, like, I wasn't always. You know, I tried to do --
I'm not dead, but I'm gonna speak
in past tense. I tried to do the best I could. And sometimes I didn't try
to do the best I could. But I -- my intention
was always kindness. But I wouldn't mind
if someone was like, "He was late a lot.
He was late. And we talked to him about it,
and he was still late." [ Laughter ]
And he would, even into his late 30s,
would say it was the traffic. And it was that he left late."
Or, "He --" -Boy, that is a tough thing
to ask somebody to say, 'cause it's gonna be...
-I would like -- I just want it said to everyone.
Like, "Listen, don't sugarcoat it." Like, can you imagine
being at my funeral, and they just said
positive things, and they weren't like,
"He kind of was like a little rotten prince
sometimes." [ Laughter ] Like, you thought
I was mad at you when you were just telling me
my sketch wasn't -- -Now I'm worried
that you're gonna think that you were rotten.
-No, I think that I was sometimes a little --
I was holding in a kind of tantrum sometimes
at the show. -I think we all were.
-It was the sleep deprivation. It's used for torture.
-But I think that you had an ability...
-To smoke cigarette? -I didn't know.
You know what I mean? Like, I knew other people
were mad at me. And that was -- Like, it was
the not knowing. -Yeah.
-Which is your own -- It's a credit to your restraint,
but that's... -Yeah, but that can be weird.
Being hard to read is weird. -Yeah.
-It can be a detriment. It can be good
in business negotiations. -Poker.
-Poker. Although I don't think I would
be able to hold it in in poker, 'cause I don't know
what's good or bad. -[ Laughs ]
-I would just be like... -[ Laughs ]
-..."jack, queen." Uh, but, yeah, my dad told me --
he said, um -- he goes, "The best advice
I'll ever give you. If you're on a business call, and you don't like what
the other person is saying -- let's say, you don't like
their offer or you don't like
the decision they've reached -- just say nothing
after they tell you. Just stay silent. After a few seconds, they'll go,
'Are you still there?' And you go, 'Uh-huh.'"
-[ Laughs ] -"And then
it'll be silent again, and then they will start to
backpedal and make concessions, because people hate silence
so much that they would rather give in
than have this continue." -That's a very effective...
-Yeah. And when he told me it,
I was an adult, and I thought, "You used that
on us when we were kids." [ Laughter ] I'd call him and be like,
"Can I see an R-rated movie? You still there?"
"Uh-huh." [ Laughter ]
"Um..." So, yes, so I would like
the speeches to include my faults, and
I would like someone -- I would like
someone to point out that I really enjoyed life,
like I really liked it. And again, I'm talking
in the past tense. -Yeah.
-But I'm still here. -I'm glad you're still here.
-Thanks, man. [ Chuckles ] -And -- No, genuinely,
I'm glad you're here today. And I think the thing,
if I was at your funeral, the thing I would say --
-Yes, that's the next question. -[ Laughs ] -"If you spoke at my funeral,
what you say?" is the next question.
-Is it really? -Yeah, on my fancy list, yeah. -Um, and I said this to you
before... -You said my eulogy to me? -Uh, no, it's a piece of -- I always said, like, I think
one of the reasons that people are so happy
for your well-deserved success is, one, that it's well-deserved
and, two, uh, all that time at "SNL,"
you were so -- you were such a fan
of other people. You were so supportive
of other people. And I think it meant a lot because everyone knew,
the minute they met you, that you had sort of
impeccable comedy taste. And I think that a kind word,
that you were very gracious with and very generous with,
I think it meant a lot to a lot of people,
myself included. -I appreciate you saying that. -And certainly my life has been
a great deal richer since I met you.
-Yeah, mine, too. You know, you also
recommended me to audition, which is how I got
the writing job. And if you didn't want me
to be a writer, I wouldn't have gotten
the writing job. So you really did
change my life in... Well, I don't know.
I heard Werner Herzog say, "I don't know if people
change each other's lives, but you made my life better." 'Cause it was like, I liked being a comedian.
It was great. But it was like picking up rocks
on the ground. And then you were like,
"You want to go to the moon?" -[ Laughs ] -And it's still kind of
picking up rocks, but, like, it's on the moon. No, it totally changed
the direction of my life. -Um, well, like every
conversation we have, I am happy we had it.
And I love you very much. -You don't want
the last question? -Oh, yeah,
what's the last question? -You ever seen a ghost?
-No. [ Laughs ] -Has your mom or anything?
-No. -No one?
-I thought about it when you were in "Kid Gorgeous,"
when you talk about ghosts. I thought, "I don't know.
I've never seen a ghost." -It's been my go-to icebreaker
for a while now. -Yeah.
-Normally, at, like -- -By the way, a high school kid
at a party, with that outfit,
asks that question. That's what he thinks a girl
wants to hear. -Stares at her for a while.
-[ Laughs ] -"Can I help you?"
"You ever seen a ghost?" [ Laughter ] Would she go out with him,
is the question. -Um...
-At the end of the movie, they'd be making out,
just for a cutaway. That's my go-to icebreaker
if I'm at a wedding and I'm sitting next to
someone I don't know -- 'cause I get put
at a rando table -- I will often say,
"Have you ever seen a ghost?" And people, if they
have not seen a ghost... And a ghost is a dead person
whose soul or spirit is now ghoulish and haunting.
-[ Chuckles ] Ghoulish. -And, normally, if they haven't,
one of their relatives has. Or like, "No, but my best
friend's house was haunted." And it's a remarkably effective
terrible icebreaker. Sometimes I use it incorrectly. Like, I'll be at a party, and I don't know how to act
at parties. And a group of people
will be talking, and I'll walk up and be like,
"How's everyone doing? You ever seen a ghost?" And then that sounds
like you are a ghost. [ Laughter ] -Oh, you mean, like,
"You have now"? -Right, "Well, you have now."
-[ Laughs ] -Then...
-[ Laughs ] -Um, yeah. -I think that's
a good place to end it. -Should we end it with
the cast of "Sneakers" again? But this time, we nail it?
[ Laughter ]
You know, through the pandemic, Seth Meyers really made me like him a lot more
Watching this right now feels similar to having a warm bowl of soup on a cold day.
That cut back to Mulaney with the sunglasses. Perfect.
These questions are better than 99.9% of the content in talkshows. Why can't it be half as insightful the rest of the time?
I wish every talk show was like this. No crowds, no forced laughs from jokes, no promoting their movies/tv shows/books. Just people being themselves would make me appreciate them a lot more and have way more respect for all of them.
Craig Ferguson was the closest thing that I enjoyed but was still meant to be for laughs.
Love John! Him and Bill Hader created my favorite sketch: Stefon
Wearing the coat he got from The Strokes.
That was absolutely delightful. Full disclosure: I never watch SNL and though I’m aware of Mulaney I’ve never seen anything he’s ever done, and I’m only aware of Seth because of his Closer Look segments which have been my equivalent of therapy for the past 6 months.
But this was so genuine and unscripted and heart-warming. Ngl it kinda makes me want friends again, which is a strange things to say, I’ll admit.
"other than Ghislane Maxwell" fantastic