John Cena Makes China (Fast And) Furious | Flagrant 2 with Andrew Schulz and Akaash Singh

i need to see elliot's impossible me i need to see caitlyn's impossible me go home not [ __ ] dude just because he got ac double pakistani devil in the stands i came in and saved the day [ __ ] army what's up uh the kings have returned to the city we are here back in new york if you're watching on youtube please check out the new studio hit that wide shot hit that wide shot okay al do what you were doing earlier show off your [ __ ] sneakers i've got a six inch space to show off how his sneakers match his hair oh you meant these these little [Laughter] uh we're here baby it's your boy schultzy uh we got akash singh alex media mark gagnon on the truffle [ __ ] even miles and vala are watching in um and it's time to begin this episode i know there's a lot that we have to talk about technically we didn't miss a week but we were kind of off a week we pre-taped some episodes so we didn't talk about a lot of dope [ __ ] but one important thing that we have to do and we have to have this discussion right now and it might tank the rest of the episode but i'm very excited for it is uh somehow the truffle managed to truffle the untruffleable oh okay i like it he's on the ropes he's on the ropes he's on the road if we see dove's legs shaking in the wide you know for a fact he's on the ropes okay the truffle i don't know how this is possible because the untruffleable is akash indian you can't beat him in any negotiation okay dove somehow brought a tesla all the way out to miami i said we're ready to go out you know how homer simpson disappears into the book goes back [Music] okay so double he's doing a million [ __ ] things i don't know how this guy does it his multitasking game is on a million this guy brought a tesla out to miami from los angeles he just bought a tesla yeah right he lugged it out there bro made all this he loved that he made all this money from the netflix amazing amounts of money some would say paid too much for for for his role in netflix right some might say that maybe not me but some money right many people have said it maybe i mentioned it but that but but it has been said before and he used that money and bought a spanking new tesla i mean unbelievable right didn't pay for the auto drive but that's fine yeah that's right tesla he got a honda that's a honda that's invisible i think you use that brand deliberately i'm gonna be honest i'll be honest i didn't use it so if you don't pay for the auto drive in your tesla do you have a honda no but you guys can also add that [ __ ] later tell him what you were doing tell him what to do when he was driving girls around miami she was mad but he'd hit the screen like it was auto drive and then drive with his knee bro this guy's on another level these [ __ ] had no clue bro they had no clue he's driving around just with his knee and thigh the entire but it doesn't have drive by itself because you weren't going to pay for it cruise control every car is cruise control yeah what do you think about cruise it's got power windows it has power windows it has windshield wipers we got a roof it's great so the headlights just turn on yeah okay okay so so dove had this tesla which he got i'm gonna say how you got it out there this is an amazing truffle unbelievable amounts of trouble didn't he ship it oh he did ship it with the armenian express he could shift it out with the armenian express okay how did you get it out there truffle turkey the heart the heart yeah or someone's going to pick it up and ship it out he's like dove no no i really love boyfriends he wanted to try his mom's boyfriend to drive the car out himself keep in mind this is the respect this is this is the wristband no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no but it's a tesla you know he didn't splurge for the the big battery oh yeah no no no no no no he drove from l.a from l.a to miami with the standard battery you stopping every two hours yeah he stopped every two hours in america across the whole continent it took him two months it took him too much it took him longer to get from l.a to miami then it took him to get from hungary to los angeles this guy spent more time immigrating his ass to miami but did he have a tesla in hungary no i gave him uh he got to go to see the country i don't know what's going on i don't know if he loves your mom or things are rocky like i don't know what two months to get out of the house two months away from your mom's that's amazing or i love your mom so much that i'll do anything for her so okay that's still going where are we going to contribute he's just like how the [ __ ] i got troubling i didn't even know okay so get to it cut the fat okay okay you tried to blame me you said there's a dent in the tesla and you tried to blame oh we're not even there yet come on no he's getting dangerous he's getting a ding-dong so the tesla pulls up right after the whole journey across so the car that you're getting is going across the whole united states of america very long that's fine yeah very long term that's fine okay so uh it comes with a ding it comes with a ding on the side of it right just dinged up baby dick baby ding i thought you shipped it and i was like oh maybe i did do it if i had known a [ __ ] cab driver i was pulling it across the country that's how you know you don't love your mom he's like [ __ ] the side of this car i'm not using the blink of a [ __ ] mark crashed the u-haul the day one of miami you've been in the car with him that was true you were an idiot no you're deflecting he's doing hot potato we've got to stay on topic because aka's sweating right now it's not because of the performance fleece yeah okay he's about to get fleeced off and he has no [ __ ] clue the off-white police officer he probably got the debt in it because the guy thought it had to auto drive he put that [ __ ] up bastard you sent that [ __ ] across america with no honor you tried to kill him the only reason he agreed to drive it across america because he thought he was gonna use all the drugs and you're not gonna pay ten dollars a month he's autopilot it does the same thing he doesn't oh i'm already sweating i love this okay so so so yeah dude's driving 94 miles per hour i don't think auto drive works at 90 racing trying to try all right so so the car gets across he's there for one month with the car he finds out we're moving back to um new york yep yeah we're moving back he's moving to new york for the first time oh yeah that's right he's moving to new york for the first time right he's still got apartment la yeah okay he guilt to me he's going well my father he has to stay somewhere your father gotta go back you buddy tomorrow is a very nice house how many thousands of square feet it's too much that's too much okay so love them shout outs to michelle shout out to michelle there's poor hungarian man yeah flies back he drives the car for a month he goes how do i get rid of this car i need to get somebody to take over my lease yeah trying to get someone to take away he's asking all his family members all of them say no because they already know the truffle they know to get it's like something's wrong with this car right right there's some kind of situation here i'm not taking over at least i'm not gonna help you out you try to get everybody to do it right obviously obviously everybody do everybody right somehow he convinced matthew at ampersand studios to let him just store the car there right the cars is being stored at the ampersand studio shout out matthew shout out matthew it's unbelievable the amount of trafficking in the parking lot in the parking lot yeah that's why no deals are being done okay that's why we got no [ __ ] deals being done because this guy's working nine to five on figuring out this car and then one day you come and you tell me that akash is gonna take over the lease yeah how in the [ __ ] this is remarkable to watch oh it was me and mark you were there yeah oh my god there's an audience there's an audience all right so i think i think the way you start off is uh oh gosh you want a tesla and all guys immediately was like yeah i would love it tess i think that's how you started right is that fair to say i don't think that's true no no no no he's like yeah akash you would be stupid not to take this oh yeah yeah stupid first first noxum yeah it was so bad yeah then he pulled back a little once oscar gave some resistance what did you say because knows that something's up he goes too good to be true i just i was like don't don't do that to me yeah yeah yeah don't do that don't do that to me don't do that yeah i get it like i'm stupid and not taking it fine i don't know get to the numbers and then and then you said if you can't afford the payments that's fine no problem but i just need to know now because i have someone else no you did it you hit him in the pockets you hit him in the pockets that's nice crazy i took advantage of like he was talking about this gorgeous new apartment that he hasn't needed apartments once you're already out of pocket i'm like unbelievable this is how i was you know in all honesty that's how you know the apartment is good when she's posting move-in day that's usually people's most stressful day she was posting that [ __ ] with pride it just didn't make sense he had that apartment with the car that he currently but let's be honest he did say like you're going to put your girl in this beautiful apartment with a metro card yeah yeah and then and then with that what happened yeah well i also said like your new high-end apartment must have a tesla charger there too oh my god he's roping you and you don't even know it right now and this is where where i got it gosh knows that i can get a deal so basically you're taking over at least that's not that but i'm also but i gotta i work for that yeah i almost it was the fairest exchange it's fair imagine okay if anything dove got screwed yeah how did you get work i'm telling you clearly i if i wasn't in this [ __ ] city that charges forever we have to go for a bridge we have to pay twenty dollars to park for a coffee going over what bridge one of the bridges the tunnel tunnel yeah it's a tunnel a bridge a ton of tunnel you want to go underneath the water for free how much does it cost how much does it cost would you go underneath water for free no what type of baboon would go underneath the water for free i don't want to do it say what i gotta pay to go underneath the water i don't trust you i'm not trusting if i don't pay you should pay me to go underneath the water anyway get to the point i'm just saying i didn't need the car here actually no you guys go ahead and read your girl drives to philly you drive everywhere for shows oh yeah yeah yeah the next round is he came around with the numbers so he broke down the numbers and like how much oh you could sell the car for and then i got a calculator out that was me once you got the calculator out it was oh it was all right it was over he knew it he sold himself on it no yeah that was a jewish indian combo that i liked yeah so here's what i i i was out of curiosity did you have a hunch that it was going to be good i'm going to have a hunch who's in that shitty testimony okay i wish we did some crunching the numbers before that would be pretty nice if we weren't going on hunches back in the day [ __ ] hey man remember when you bought a michael's studio for six figures do you remember yeah we're changing the future of podcasts can i tell you how much cheaper that was i can't even go that's a fraction of a bitcoin that michael's studio a fraction of a bitcoin you and after i did it i didn't go let's buy more that's what you did you bought a michaela studio and then you say oh it's not working buy two micro six by three by four by five you know what this is i'm doing the weighted hands keep buying more raise the level that's it i've never wanted crypto to plunge more in my entire [ __ ] life i've never wanted it i would gladly lose all the money just to see you sweat okay go back to this go go go go go go go so duh i have dove give me the payments yeah and i do the calculation yeah i'm like all right it's going to cost about like 13k to have it for these years yeah then i realized i could sell my car for probably like 11. so i'm like i could wait a few years and then sell it down the road and then get a tesla or i could just have a tesla for like twenty five hundred three thousand i got an instant offer for ten three from carmax so i'm like i could just take that have a tesla for three g's for three years why don't we just do that let's just live a little bit yeah i didn't think it was the sharpest financial move but i was like it's 3k essentially for a tesla for three years let's do that um and then dove said that he had to sign a two thousand dollar uh like lease signing thing that he's not he's gonna lose out on right and then basically he told akash he's like i'm basically that i don't i don't know when you make a thousand dollars i paid the down payment on a car and he's not absorbing that he's just paying a clean you're giving him these low monthly i'm [ __ ] raping you right now i'm just wondering you've got six months till your porsche comes why didn't you want to take the tesla because you didn't trust the truffle that's a good point i don't wanna trust me with everything i was gonna have a negotiation i'm trying to get older cars i'm not trying to get the new fancy [ __ ] i want to go you already got a down payment on a tesla what you talking about yeah i got a down payment on tesla yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you want the cyber truck that's true that's a truck that's different because that's true also how that's also camping vehicles if i want to start camping in the future that's common that's that's for me being in touch with nature bro don't try to act like i'm not naturally he's an environmentalist yeah i'm saying and also i need a car to save for my girl yep uh-huh my girl needs a truck she needs to drink that she needs a truck bro that's that's it all right she don't want that [ __ ] she hates that [ __ ] thing i hate that truck they really hate that she hate that truck buy yourself one [Music] anyway so who do we think has won this truffle i think it's perfectly fair thank you you think it's a fair trade i was just a little jealous because he has a tesla where the the trunk button that doesn't close automatically oh you saw me do that bro you got the old one you got to get it out you got to get out the og jordan this [ __ ] got retro no god don't let me find out you got the old testament tesla i can't believe i got in that car i've been in that car that's so humiliating why would you get in there do you know how that feels for me what if someone saw me hey you want a 20-21 i'll let you drive it because nobody else can that you can't drive itself so i'll let you drive it now did dove tell you the thing about how you can't get the the monthly drive by itself yeah he told me that i got to pay for that up front and i was like that's fine i don't have to have that my next tesla i'll get it tesla where you can't even drive it that's the point of the car unbelievable your girl is going to be taking trips but it's not worth 10k for three years because i'm not gonna keep it for three years to me it's just 3k for three years i'll save essentially that much in-game so you're paying just for the t in the front so get a leaf nah it's a newer version like it's a newer car too that's got five thousand my car got 75 000. but what's new about it like it's got the same amount of wheels it's electric baby it's massive right now that [ __ ] dumb fast a lot of electric cars bro what are you talking about yo you get in the [ __ ] that's supposed to drive by itself and it don't even drive by if you go on the l train if you're on the l train you guys should drive that too all right guys i'll buy yourself driving i'll buy myself driving [ __ ] what do we want you have to buy the self-driving that's a no-brainer all right i'll buy it it's done done hit him hit it he looks so juicy no but he didn't but here's the thing [Music] this is why we're in debt this is why we're in denver are in crypto debt i'm looking my crypto and i'm like [ __ ] wait hang on was like how come when we were up it was you that was up and then now that we're down i never refer you all that money we are in debt right here y'all are fine okay with your little peanuts that you'd be throwing at that [ __ ] miles walking in the room oh i put thirty dollars into dogecoin shut your mouth with your thirty dollars ain't nobody wanna hear about your tens of dollars that you're investing daily hey bro this peanuts robin hood don't even want your money it's steal from the rich gift to the poor cook that's for you baby say what's for you i like peanuts you said pizza i'll buy you some honey hey hey you finna get some almonds you can just place these great cashews macadamias can i ask you can i ask you all serious question do you know how much work it takes to get a singular cashew it's a lot apparently bro that makes me feel worse than uh uh farm fishing or like uh you know like killing animals like killing cows for meat and [ __ ] like that the amount of work could take one nut per plant what you didn't notice no i thought it'd be a bunch of them [ __ ] yeah the thing grows and a singular nut comes out of the plant and i think it takes a while but look up cashews look up how you get a one single cashew that's why them shits are so expensive they should be way more he's got cash in the name bro that's a good point let me check this out anyway you look that [ __ ] up i didn't want to derail from this my point is do you think that you're getting hustled do you think you got truffled i didn't think so well slightly i didn't whether it was if he's ever happy with a deal no that you've got yeah yeah no so i didn't weigh whether or not he was winning a deal i was just like will i be happy with what i'm doing you can't beat this guy in a negotiation so i'm like fine will i be happy with paying 3k for a tesla for three years yeah i'm good with that how do you feel looking a guy in the face knowing that you [ __ ] him all i know is like the deal's not even signed yet and you're just convincing him out of this whole thing because that is what makes fun this is what it is can i be honest how uncomfortable he's making me now i'm thinking i don't trust you anymore why did you get so mad at andrew just now i'll burn the place down if that deal falls through i feel like i've been running all around new york getting different pieces of furniture that we don't even use on the goddamn pocket he rolled in here today with plants [ __ ] bought fake plants in an uber that's self-driving right there what the uber oh yeah uber's a self-driving did you think about that um that's a good point you could have just uber you live in the city now boy yeah it's true that's true no this deal might be off the table yo how much does it cost for parking that's dumb expenses we're gonna pay for that either way though i also calculated that oh cause you're replacing your old class and one car with another oh yeah yeah yeah yeah i'll be calculating sometimes damn son i have a car in the city it's still probably cheaper to uber yeah it might be cheaper uber what do you think [Applause] let it shine and let it shine sorry dove all right guys we're gonna take a break for a second because uh your dicks are not performing as well as they should and we can fix that immediately okay blue chew it's not a game it's not to be messed with it's not to be played with okay it's to be utilized and it's to deliver the best dick of your life this is what we do we swear by it over here same active ingredients it's inside seattle so viagra but is the chew and it's the only way that we get down simple as that your girl deserves it ladies you deserve it so get your man to pop one and have some fun for a weekend okay your wife deserves it your side chick deserves it whoever is there deserves it and fellas frankly you do too so go to bluechew.com make sure you use the promo code flagrant and you're gonna get it for free all you're gonna do is pay five dollar shipping to have the best dick of your life are you kidding me bluechew.com promo code flagrant go do that right now and then do what you need to do now let's get back okay let's talk about um some other [ __ ] man i want to talk about the john cena thing but but mark has a really funny joke about it so i got we have to like navigate the joke i don't but i don't want to step on your thing i'll try to put it out like tomorrow or something okay fine as long as you think you'll get it out we'll just have mark do the joke no thank you the way you do it for comics not like hey goodbye okay but so john cena had this thing uh where he basically had to apologize to china for saying that taiwan was a country right and uh and he's basically doing it in in uh mandarin did you see the apology the apology he's doing in mandarin bro yeah so he's apologizing to them and mandarin and obviously this is you know going to piss americans off and if we're talking about really why we're pissed off is because we feel china coming oh yeah like if i'm being honest if you're gonna cut out john cena yeah that's that's a big cut out bro been telling us what i've been telling you what the china's coming yeah he's been saying he's gonna side with china like they want his black ass yeah yo that's a good point yeah when it starts they go on want numbers actually that's a good point yeah you don't even go and you commit half the murder no statistic let's just look at the numbers shapiro did we get that right best beer don't want no smoke with china right no no no no no no no why has he calculated some [ __ ] there hmm take that no no who's taking that i don't know and you know it's always [ __ ] chyna but um and then we're going to go into some other [ __ ] later about that but uh but uh but what was interesting about this one is that like this one like really hurt because you really seen a dude get like bent over to apologize right and the reason he had to do it is because he's out there promoting the new fast and furious movie right and because there's no dvd sales the way that movies make up those sales is from foreign box offices right before i guess i am really good [ __ ] about foreign box office that much but now since you lost so much money from no dvd sales and a year of pandemic and you're a pandemic obviously you're not gonna make no money because people aren't going out to movies like they were which i haven't lately and it's lit and fast and fuse is huge out there yeah it's way bigger they made a whole movie in tokyo exactly exactly it's massive out there because action movies are so easily translatable yeah you don't need comedy doesn't do well internationally no it does though accents and stuff like that they do but car crashes these types of things are so easy to translate the same way we love their kung fu movies exactly any type of action you could run it back over here so boom it works perfectly and i bet the theater or the the not the theater it's called the uh production company the the studio the studio the studio is probably gonna lose hundreds of millions of dollars i think china only lets in a certain amount of movies a year too how many they only let in i don't actually know the exact number but it's small it's like 15 to 20. foreign foreign movies a year yeah maybe american movies but fair enough yeah so if you're one of those movies you get access to 1.3 billion people and they have to review it they go through this whole process and they make you edit it there's certain scenes they'll make you cut that [ __ ] control the promotional stuff exactly but trying to figure some [ __ ] out they figured out that the way that you control america is with greed we are so [ __ ] greedy we will do anything for money anything we will sell our own souls for [ __ ] money is absolutely disgusting and they finally got money we let them get some money we had them making all our [ __ ] toys and shirts and all this [ __ ] until they got enough money to start abusing us and that's how it's a it's a new form of like economic colonialism and i think we were the starters of that [ __ ] low-key yeah like we were the biggest buying power in the world yeah and then all of a sudden they're like oh that buying [ __ ] economically works it's a great term but i bet it's our i bet it's been coined before right yeah that's always sold out that's how we saw all the south america central america that's what we did yeah we going to the leaders we go yo do you want a ton of money to sell out your country's resources yeah so it's it sucks if we're being honest about it we feel china coming and that's why it stings a little bit more like if another country was like yo if honduras came to us and they were like yo yeah you recognize el salvador don't recognize el salvador and john cena was like yo lo siento el no [ __ ] definitely don't exist but the fact that it's the guy who's on your heels yeah that stings a little bit more yeah i'm going to defend john cena a little bit go go i think that's the argument when you're the star of a movie the number of people that are that you're responsible for is crazy yeah think about the crew the other actors who are less famous than you less starring roles than you yeah the [ __ ] editors all the it's like thousands of people involved in enough yeah yeah you slip up one time and then your bosses are saying yo you're [ __ ] up a thousand people's money you can make these people most of whom you actually know and touch on an everyday basis by just saying sorry yeah i can 100 you seem to be like all right man let me [ __ ] apologize that's probably bunch of people that's how they're going to guilt you because they're like look at all the key grips that make a living yeah look at look at all the sounds people think to be honest you pay a day rate exactly they've already been paid yeah but what about the next one and blah blah blah what what is interesting is is john's probably got movies about to come out and deals already been signed yeah yeah and john is not going to be in some like romantic theatrical experiences they already have channing tatum which is basically just it's just less steroids so so he's basically looking i imagine they're like yo fam you every one of the movies you make could be in china right if you don't apologize you're not gonna get none of that chinese money and the studio might go we can't pay 200 million dollars from a movie if we're not gonna get 100 million from china we can't finance your films and china holds grudges this is the other thing i didn't realize like this oh yeah that's every kung fu movie right a [ __ ] disrespecting 100 years later right 100 years later he'd be training for that [ __ ] and then he go [ __ ] up the great grandson right grudges is their [ __ ] it's crazy in the frame even a [ __ ] in the yes yeah right they stayed in a house parasite yeah oh yeah right they just stay in the house tight about that [ __ ] their grudges is their [ __ ] yeah they've been plotting to take over america since the opioid crisis they're doing the [ __ ] korean sleeper cells the opioid crisis parasite parasite did you use that part of the in the in the joke about like how china the like we trying to see asians is different but china's like did you use it or not i tried it yeah did it work or yeah yeah okay you cut it out can we say it now yeah please i was like here we are looking racist if we don't know the difference between different asian people and china's like it's all ish it's all china like taiwan is china like next time i get somebody says i'm racist because i call an asian chinese i'm like i'm doing what china wants yeah okay i'm out here trying to get my [ __ ] podcast deal with father what is tibet what even is tibet yo why does china want shitty land so much bro it's just i guess just a move right it's like manifest destiny for them yeah that's their manifesto but they don't even have god to front on it with that's true they don't they don't need to front on anything they are god in that [ __ ] up at least we had the excuse it was like now god is telling us we got to be in cali sorry mexicans like that's way better that's uh atheist i mean can you imagine an atheist an agnostic cult leader come on bro let's just drink kool-aid because it seems fun let's die for the [ __ ] yeah screw that bro that's why it's [ __ ] up you gotta have god compelling you to do some [ __ ] up [ __ ] yeah you know what i'm saying dove nope nopala bala you know what i'm saying y'all y'all wanna just fight it out right here find out right is jesus but if it was accurate right now like bala would just have rocks and dove would have a rocket launcher yeah yeah yeah oh so wouldn't it be fair uh it wouldn't be fair but volleyball gets his rocket launcher for a couple thousand dollars once he ain't needed no more once he developed a way better rocket launcher he'd give that shot that [ __ ] perfect y'all got some rocket don't sleep on violent cause he probably got a cave with some [ __ ] hiding in there definitely fly some planes into whatever [ __ ] [Laughter] these pakistani guys if you were wondering yeah okay we got all cultures on this podcast yeah we're doing it just so we can get the jokes off yeah yeah literally everybody fills a quota so we can make fun of everybody and then it works out it's mutually a short destruction yeah we need an asian intern i was about to say we need a woman then [Laughter] we said jokes [Laughter] no no no we got to get a girl in here man what happened to taylor bro you're asking us why y'all why y'all stop [ __ ] with taylor bruh what do you mean oh don't say yeah i thought taylor was here the whole time bro that's taylor you thought that was taylor yeah he's only close enough he's womanly he's sitting in the same place feminine duff is kind of our woman bro yeah he's 49 percent gay so he's poison gay multi-tasking extraordinaire oh son bro talks you're a sucker for whatever he does tells you what the [ __ ] to do and you just do it [Laughter] cleans up after these [ __ ] that's true i don't want anybody saying we don't have a female presence on this show don't ever disrespect flagrant two podcasts like that all right we got everything covered we really got everything covered bro what what did we miss out no we got it so i don't know we missing an actual asian asian but you're asian enough in england we need actual asians we need actual asian asians okay you know what's funny in england they call us asians and them chinese what they act like they were like trying to like shame americans they're like oh you guys call south asian south asian they're just asian here i was like okay well what do you call like korean people they're like oh they're just chinese better than this is the same [ __ ] that's [ __ ] up they're doing china's bidding what do you mean he's calling every asian that's the thing is try trying to run it like that that's that's super disrespectful mm-hmm yeah they're the reason why we do that that's not our fault that's china that's on china they inceptioned it into us they inceptioned it into us all spanish people call asians chino oh my god and where has china had an influence recently south america central america oh my this is all their plan that's the thing it's not our fault for being racist a lot of that [ __ ] has just been pushed on us yeah that's a good point right that's great victims we're victims and also china made us think that all y'all look the same too yeah but because they're like people can look similar yeah have you seen that video where the yeah oh [ __ ] the black girl goes up to the old asian lady with a mask and she's not scared at all then he takes out the match and he's black and the lady freaks out yeah he goes up to this old asian lady wearing a iron man mask right and he goes boo and then she's just like what are you doing and then he takes off the iron man mask and he's just a black dude and this [ __ ] damn near throws her [ __ ] at the guy i don't know if it was i don't know if it was vietnam that's what they did with black panther in china what they do they put a mask on uh what's the guy's name killmonger the manga oh michael b jordan yeah they put a mask on him and the regular one it's just michael b jordan just being black and then on the china promotional poster they put a mask on him i mean that's what i'm looking they're gonna find out he's black like saying right once they buy the ticket yeah it's crazy but then you already got them in dude the first scene of that movie oh my god number one horror movie in china that's their exorcist over there it's like this is terrifying they were on the screen for everything oh my god wait till they see hamilton dude they're gonna be like what is happening maybe that's how we keep them out holy [ __ ] oh my god is that what hollywood is doing we need another black president hollywood is trying to preserve america and try to keep asians out of america specifically the chinese they know how terrified they are of black people so they're putting them in all the roles black lives matter black lives matter superman is blessed alone whoa they're using their racism as kryptonite this is amazing that's the plan bro once again black people save america we do it that's what you're going to prop you guys up no you do you all do save america black people have been saving america can't even hate i'm still trying to think of the thing but what is what is the thing that they what did you save us from i mean like we give appropriated americans that's [ __ ] up how are you going to steal my people give america pride black people give america please so when we are winning everything in the olympics yep that's good that's a fact yeah that's only one of the olympics what you mean every single oh no back at winter olympics i haven't seen y'all do nothing who watches wait watch it but y'all are dead where's the last when's the last turn when i said was it wasn't on last night when was the last winter last winter no it wasn't no two winners ago or three it was in the last four years yo you think that's why the summer olympics is one year late because it's just so many black people yo we on our way we gotta get our outfits right i'm in the uniforms no but that is true but y'all we we carry you guys in the winter olympics downhill skiing y'all not skinny skating america american culture around the world is just black culture how you figure bruh you've got asians [ __ ] break dancing that's and y'all claiming that that's the whole world korea that's it the whole world is korean china korea is about to be china say what it's going to be china you think china's taking over korea over my dead body everyone over my dead body let me tell you what you're going to do if they even try to come for korea which one what which one they can take the top part they already got it do they pretty much basically yeah they run that [ __ ] i mean it's all it's communism i mean same the same that's just same to same same the same bro yeah they bodied them they're allies all right well if they come for south korea i'm tight bro yeah i'm super excited what you're going to do again real talk bring out them stars and bars we gonna arm them koreans dog yeah we're gonna do it i mean that sincerely i got i got south korea's back yeah what about japan what china comes from japan i like japan i got their back too japan there are certain countries where i will i will not help you you thought japan was trash when you went over there [ __ ] japan [Laughter] even when i said it came out it didn't feel right when i said it came out didn't feel right japan could go honestly there are certain parts of japan that could stay but most of it you're out of here i like the cuisine you just like all right guys we're gonna take a break for a second because the knicks got a big [ __ ] game coming up and we're gonna put some money on it i'ma put some money on it all right and you know if i'm gambling i'm only doing it in one place it's mybookie.ag simple as that okay now i know you might not be a fan of the knicks some of you uh we're not fortunate enough to be born in the greatest city in the entire world and that's why that's the only reason if you were you'd be rocking with us but you can also gamble on your respective teams you can gamble on any [ __ ] sport that exists i'm betting on my knicks i know that we're down 3-1 and i know that this wednesday is going to be a very big game but i'm putting that [ __ ] money down i'll tell you why else i'm putting that money down at myboogie.ag because they're matching the initial [ __ ] investment up to a thousand dollars think about that that's a free thousand do you get to gamble on whatever [ __ ] game you want a matter of fact atlanta i'm calling out them hawks fans right now if you think you got it put your money where your mouth is go to mybookie.ag okay make sure you use that promo code flagrant and they're gonna match your first deposit bonus we could both put some money up on the game matter of fact if you're not from atlanta i don't care where you from let's put some money up on this next hawks game because the knicks are coming [ __ ] through mybookie.ag use that promo code flagrant get that initial bonus matched okay or that initial deposit matched okay my bookie got you good gambling have fun let's get back to the show i like i like sushi bro they figured it out yo i was celebrating the end of our journey by yourself no i was out with yeah that's that makes it worse [Applause] we were celebrating in a way that you guys don't typically like to celebrate into the club no we was at a pool party popping bottles and [ __ ] oh like we ain't never popping no you don't you never like i don't do that yo give me job i invited you you would enjoy that [ __ ] dre pop bottle you don't think we have a pop i don't know you popped off you stole the whole flow come on i invited dove because dove enjoys that type of [ __ ] when you were already there about to leave yeah you were already dead oh my god good three four more hours up in that old ass tesla they probably laughed at her they even parked that [ __ ] up front yo keep going tell them what this sellout [ __ ] did this is the end of miami right this is our last few hours in miami together we're just doing it packed up ready to go got you movers remember you wanted movers yeah but you didn't that's the reason for 25 hundo maybe okay for 5 000 it got to be perfect so i took my ass to the pool where it was a little windy yeah but we just we was good popping bottles and you couldn't invite us to the pool yeah i invited this guy you wouldn't have so you was down to go on on the windy boat oh yeah but when you had to have the pool that was windy you weren't wait actually i did invite you no you didn't yes i did when you were complaining about no you didn't predicament that you were in you were complaining about it yes so okay and then i was like yo come here it's popping and then dove followed up with come here because dove is that something else that's why i did invite you earlier but you were already okay let's do this dove said come here because let's do this okay let's do this after you're already there you invited us which is a piece of [ __ ] thing to do on the group chat you were already at the thing maybe he was scouting it maybe he was just seeing if the vibe was cool yeah you're not doing the fun thing right now which is gangnam actually i'm gonna i'll defend that that's fine wait it's gonna get [ __ ] up just keep telling the story okay yeah you know something i know i know okay this is how stupid he is this is how dummy is he posts where he's at all day on instagram so we see him being a piece of [ __ ] i got to see on instagram that you're a piece i invited you no you were already there you invited us because we invited you somewhere and you were like well i guess it's the right thing to do you wouldn't have come that's not your boss is that it you're right you're embarrassed of us because we're not the same color skin as you yeah when you want to get free clothes from people who dm you but not when you want to go pop bottles i see how it is really [ __ ] up did schultz get you a yacht for your birthday oh my god that's interesting he bought him a whole lot really i was even looking for postmates and he did a lot and and he said really after i got the [ __ ] boat right for his birthday right i said i got the boat for his birthday he's gonna have to nerve a couple months later and say to me man you just got that for yourself wow no i did it wow said that to me and i said wow that's not true to die on your birthday she left you to die i came in and saved the day uh show saves out i say alex wants a boat we gonna get him a boat dog find a discount that's what happened it might be a dinghy who knows yeah but we're gonna be on the door yo thank you so much robert oh my goodness so wheezy left you to die on your birthday she said i couldn't do it easy wanted to get on a boat for her birthday and so i think she contacted you to try to set up some special surprise how generous hey i want to get you a boat for your birthday hey can you get a vote figure it out that's what i'm saying before al ever invites us before invites us to anything nice hey hey hey this is not your time it's not your time you'll have your time at the end okay before allen says anything nice right before he even considers his friends who's he blood sweat and tears for the last four months before he even considers including them and they're saying after he knows i'm trying to get the boat for everybody after he knows i'm trying to discuss this the day before we are discussing the day before we did it you know we did it no yeah yeah no he did not know what you did you're alive not in front of me not in front of me you had no plan for that money okay anyway so um he goes like this sunday he goes to saturday right he goes like this i go yo we're not gonna do the boat but we're gonna do dinner this is gonna be a time all right al goes you said this in text because i wasn't and then use text back to me privately i got a little private message just where you go yo this is where i jump off board you go yeah this is where you [ __ ] up big time you go yo i got three people with me oh yeah yeah yeah he goes i got three friends with me can you get a dinner keep in mind our team is growing we got a lot of people here everybody got wife you know what i mean girlfriend something like that so everybody's wife's girlfriends are invited akash got two friends in town ah guys got two friends down i tell aka i go man it's gonna be tricky but let me get to work on all this this is a nice restaurant we're going to this is very nice it's the hardest reservation in miami to get this restaurant and we're doing it on a saturday night for now 14 people mm-hmm okay day off day off and you told me no shout outs to uchi i said i said no i said probably not but i'm going to see that's what i said probably not on the scene i said to the group checker even when our costs measure the whole group says they're probably not obamacare yeah i went and i locked it in for your friends okay you didn't tell me i you didn't tell me oh the tides are you gonna make me turn off the phone 20 push-ups if i get it right oh i mean let's see the time no i told him the same time he said my friends are welcome i mean this is your friends first he might have said alex your friends are good gosh yours too he would not why i'm a man why i'm at the thought andrew you guys too that is [ __ ] up that's [ __ ] up all right you want to go because you know that he doesn't know how to use his phone i know so yeah he's going to think about it whatever man of the flag f2 miami yeah no this is a smart player actually i remember text the group so he's back down [Music] [Laughter] so we got people listening drew this this is content i don't know but yeah it's here somewhere [ __ ] you guys technology technology got me out here look for this [ __ ] oh no i got it here we go we're going back we're really good are we [Music] okay got the reservation increased akash your people are good alex your people are good as well what's the time yeah what time 5 12 p.m 5 12 i'm really sorry i'm just seeing this right now someone is napping from earlier today i don't think we'll make it he tells me that at 905. what time's the reservation yeah what time's the reservation nine o'clock five minutes after the napa who naps at nine o'clock then what happens then what do we see later on the instagram story i still went out to dinner so you gonna ask me to get your friends there right yeah we changed the whole reservation changed the whole reservation changed the whole table dynamic change the whole table dynamic yeah three and a half years three empty chairs it was better without me right no it would have been with you bro we love you bro and we want to spend those last hours with you and celebrate what we accomplished i wanted to be there i did want to be there but that is the most debbie dad [ __ ] i ever heard in my entire life i'll make it to graduation you really want to be there i'm consistent yeah say what where could this unbelievable dog it's truly unbelievable do you apologize i do apologize to whom to everyone here to apologize to yourself don't let yourself down though you let yourself know i wish i was there i do i was i felt the way you felt away with yourself yeah should we tell them wait what yeah we didn't really go to dinner bro we were pranking you we never went to dinner and we're trying to get you to go and just his boys were no i was getting to play by play from andrew what to do with you right now yeah he was in his feelings on text with me yeah i was in my face i was trying to make it i was trying to pull up at nine o'clock i was gonna that's when i woke up i don't want to hear it anymore let's talk about another [ __ ] thing what else do we got sls pool party pretty nice did you move in here on a sunday saturday no not yet that [ __ ] got pushed back motherfucks i moved into my original apartment but the new place that i'm moving into right yeah uh that doesn't have someone who used to smash my fiancee that i know of i mean uh did uh so yeah that one uh the the certificate of occupancy for the building isn't available until like june 14th oh it's finding a couple weeks enjoy yeah enjoy your current spot you're good yeah yeah i guess what about you guys you're strong looking gorgeous you're a strong man though say what you're strong brother yeah i would have i would have been out of that [ __ ] yeah having a bump in that [ __ ] yeah ownership is a different yeah [ __ ] oh yeah [ __ ] it i don't care i don't care that was a renter those are wrenches you don't care about the first thing you just brought a comedic effect vulnerable [Laughter] literally had to get a new building just wash away both of our sins what about you mark you found a new spot yet yeah working on it it's not going down it's just it's everything's so competitive i don't know yeah but we're we'll get we'll get there seeing dove text us about new york city like [ __ ] that we're all accustomed to yeah is so funny it's so hard his hearts this [ __ ] is hard yo yeah bro you realize like after you go on for a while and the if you can make it here you can make it anywhere [ __ ] is a hundred percent real i mean that yep like because this is what i was i was thinking is like we were gone for four months but we were really gone from what new york is for a year and four months because during the pandemic and quarantine it wasn't yours like the feeling about people in general wasn't new york and so that's the longest i've ever not been around new york in my life i know i went to school but i would come back every few months yeah and also when you're you're young or so oblivious but now coming back i'm like yo this [ __ ] is i get it if you could thug this out right here you could you could make it in most places because miami was pleasant so i hate being back real talk why am i wearing this jacket on may 31st oh my god he was living bro we got off the plane what the [ __ ] are we doing yeah what is this what do you guys play what is this you know how like this [ __ ] don't get me upset you know how like when a plane connects to the [ __ ] airport there's like that little oh yeah [ __ ] yes bro that [ __ ] wind hits you not even a win i got rained on in between the plane and the air i'm like real already already new york you already [ __ ] on me already bro we get out the airport it's 50 degrees you know 40 degrees or something i haven't seen sun the whole time here yeah it's unbelievable bro i hate it coming back yo you're a new yorker you're a new yorker i've been here 13 years but i never say i'm a new yorker because i know y'all are new yorkers when we left i was like i don't miss this [ __ ] at all why would we ever go back y'all i get it for me i did my time i'm undeniably happier in miami undeniably no i am undeniably so yeah but guy posting when you're on a driving over a bridge and [ __ ] like that you happy as [ __ ] i did need some content miami because i've been so happy the more i post the more miserable i am that's a good point that's a great place miami you're just happy bro you're like what [ __ ] i need a pose for it's a great point it's gorgeous everything's it but part of the existence of new york is dealing with this because nah yeah i agree with you on some level but like the highs are higher and the lows are lower so the exp the highs that you feel in new york when some [ __ ] goes well like what i experienced at that nick game was unbelievable i mean the energy was was crazy like there's nothing compared to that anywhere else so like the highs are so much higher because the lows are lower yeah but you got to admit bro you're going to deal with some low [ __ ] yeah the very next day after that game you're pulling me on an electric huck that's dead across the bridge let's get there i'm on a city bike not even the electric one and he's literally pulling my bike over this bridge and i'm like trying to dodge the tire plus oncoming traffic and i'm wearing miles as like motorcycle helmet holding two bags and totes to pick up this art i just like we show up i'm sweating i'm just like this is annoying i was riding on originally on the back of my bike shout out to huck man best electric motorcycles on the [ __ ] planet um and i ran one red light and uh he was he was done he is eddie he didn't even say it aggressive like he said it so matter of fact like i ran the red light and he just goes let me know super calm super like he's like we're 37 brothers let me know let me know like it was like this like it was like let me know like what were you even trying to accomplish to begin with say what i don't get how you did that to begin with grown ass men yeah on a bicycle he was trying to hold me straight like he he had my his hands on my shoulders and i was like man we go over and you are slipping right off your shoulders why do guys always do that before they go on the shoulders because they don't want to be gay holding you around your abdomen i then interlocked oh [ __ ] around the waist i made him grab my thighs like that so he did like that's a good lever and then i sat on the thighs that's a good leverage keep your hands warm on his hands he's supposed to be sideways on his seat that's how you do it it's the only straight way to do it like this yeah you got to go back to back man i don't even my boy would do that [ __ ] anytime his girl would hand him his purse he'd just hold it like someone lost a person but yo is this yours did you drop this miss i don't i don't know boys you're happy to be back how i am everybody seems happy i am happy to be back i am happy to be back and it's been miles and mark like i felt the energy coming in i was so happy i was like since you're a young ass now what did you do what do you need energy for now you're twenty-four i haven't even slept right huh like there's something about it man and somebody about the city so many people doing things you think you got [ __ ] to do when you can go to your like house where you have a [ __ ] like backyard and pool you can check out from the world right but in new york you can't check out from the world even if you look out your window you got a thousand people outside doing something going somewhere everybody's in a rush makes you feel like you got [ __ ] to do like i got the tunnel literally next to my my place where i'm at right now so i'm seeing people go into the tunnel right like they they going somewhere yeah they're doing something they got [ __ ] to do so i better do some [ __ ] so it's impossible to feel like i don't know for me it's impossible relax and like i'm i'm i forgot what it was like to just like be up all night thinking mind racing yeah you sent me a text at like 4am i also couldn't sleep but you sent me texts like 5am to the group and i was like what the [ __ ] and then you know i'm talking about guests and i was like this guy's not normally up this early and he normally doesn't have trouble sleeping yeah no i know you to be like 11 pm at 6am or whatever and that's it no i'm juiced up i'm i don't know man baby we back we back bro what mark what mark's giggling mark get your [ __ ] apartment situated yeah i know i know mark's trying to lowball apartments in new york get dove on it you know now he every time mark tries to dove it's so funny i'm so bad at it he's the worst yeah i want your tesla i have like a southern sensibility to me oh god one time he's still pretty negotiating he was trying to negotiate a [ __ ] motorcycle bro i it was so funny i had to reach out to the guy to just figure out exactly what happened hell dove helped me he's the one that drafted it so he hits he goes he has how much the motorcycle is right over instagram and uh the guy says a number like 70 500 whatever mark's like uh you think we could do 5500 what is the exact response the guy said it was something like [ __ ] no the price is the price yeah yeah yeah yeah [ __ ] walks or something yeah yeah yeah yeah he just got broken on his first truffle it was so funny i reached out to the guy myself i was like yo what happened to that nice ass bike yeah and uh and the guy was like uh i'll give it to you for like 57.50 what yeah this is not true no i made that [Laughter] yeah i don't know it's that's the thing they don't tell you about trufflin is that like it's almost better to pay the money to not have to deal with the truffle you know but the truck the joy is in the truffle for him yeah that's the thing that we don't understand for us the joy is in this it's like you listen to like a marathon runner or some [ __ ] it's like to us running his is punishment but then he loves the process yes the process he just loves the whole thing i imagine i'm i'm speaking for you here but like he's in love with the process we're in love with the outcome so the process is painful for us yes but his old [ __ ] is like all right i'm truffling you if it don't work well i'll find someone else to travel yeah but i also like the the result of it i'm trying to do you guys all favors so yeah yeah that gives me joy what oh that is that is a good point like we took that i'm afraid to let you down the sun no but the selflessness of that like helping you in something that you you feel like we're incompetent at oh yes yeah it's like watching akash fix a mic yeah like that's how when he sees us negotiation that's how we feel when he's fixing his money yeah is that how bad we are what is it like what are we when we negotiate we like a [ __ ] like a housewife putting her bag in an overhead bin it's lakers showtime watching the jv team at all jewish school [ __ ] you but it really is amazing though bro he because when he negotiates he's not dove you know that right who is he he's dove he's dope he's whoever he needs to be but he is whatever i need to be yeah it's amazing he goes online with this [ __ ] landlord he's like hey i'm mark's friend i'm his jewish friend you know yeah yeah no no he don't say i'm his jewish friend dog lets him know oh yeah off back i'm talking about [ __ ] he knows what a dove is like he's been a couple doves you know all right guys we're gonna take a break for a second because we have by far the best cbd on the planet rocking with us right now it's cushy dreams i'm telling you if you want to smoke you want to do it casually you want to do it socially you want to do it because you got stress you want to do it because you want to get a little night night you want to take a nap for all the different reasons that you can smoke cbd you should be smoking the cream of the crop okay creme de la creme i don't even know if that's how you say it in french but it's probably close to that point is cushy dreams is the one okay no games over here what they do is they [ __ ] with the flower and they make sure that they deliver the best flower they got the pre-rolled joints okay they got the flowers straight in the tent if you want to get that but this is the best stuff 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get 20 off your first order go do that right now let's get back to it okay let's do some feelings no facts boys we out here we got her kicking all right you want to rifle through something yeah all right this one we kind of touched on a little people get your katarina just asked for some grocery money nope wait really yeah these [ __ ] be asking for groceries how much thirty seven dollars yeah who's katarina next question some random [ __ ] did you should have did that i should have given it to her yeah [Laughter] oh actually no that would backfire i was thinking like oh she'll repost how nice andrew schultz is and then everything everybody don't do it yeah [ __ ] them you know you should say no and then put a comment [ __ ] no or whatever he said tomorrow [ __ ] walks yeah yo did you guys see the big girl the big wnba girl complaining about the coach that says she's 300 pounds yeah this video is hilarious but basically there's this girl i think her name is liz cambridge or some [ __ ] like that she's like born in london and like grew up in australia but got no accent from either place yeah she talked like she's from america and uh she was she's a wpa player and the coach from the opposing team i can't get through the story the coach from the opposing team was trying to get a call from one of his players yeah and he goes uh he goes come on ref she's 300 pounds right which is what you would say to a a male basketball player like you would we reference their weight that's a big boy that's a big boy like they would do a shack all the time like what are we supposed to do the guy's 300 pounds how is it not charging or this is that the other um what he did to the girl so the girl went on and she was like oh my god uh you can't talk about a woman's weight like that i'm a proud big you know big [ __ ] or whatever like that i'm proud she's six eight two she's i'm six eight two thirty five blah blah talking all this [ __ ] uh about how you can't say how big she is meanwhile [ __ ] wearing a [ __ ] mcdonald's sweatshirt i mean don't i don't hear no weight conversations if you and mcdonald's merch but also if big is beautiful he just made you more beautiful he added 65 pounds that's the point if big is beautiful he made you more beautiful he's seeing you more beautiful so who are you you now you shame an actual 300 pounders by being like that's disgusting i'm not like that also you don't even know how much pounds are bits you're from australia you don't even know what your sister's got the system's best 300 kilos and she's like that's morbid that is that more or less that's more that's more so if you if you're on kilos that's super disrespectful but 300 pounds really not that far off 235 to 300. that's a difference bro is it 25 kilos i don't know how much women weigh bro cause i don't know how how dense titties are that's a good point i don't know how much women weigh i told my girl she weighed once and she was shocked so it's like and she's not even big titted so if imagine a i told my girl how much she weighed yeah well she asked me she's like how much do you think i weigh and i was like this ain't gonna go well i don't wanna ask so bad cause you also can't go too low i went low i said she weighed 50 pounds like a golden retriever you weigh 50 pounds she looked at me she's like sabi weighs 40 pounds i was like when he's standing up he ain't that far off i don't know but if a girl got huge titties you could be 5'3 with huge titties how much you weigh 180 skinny with huge how much how much does that girl weigh what's her name kate upton she gotta weigh 180 or something right yeah that sounds fair because you don't know the breasts alone are probably 100 it's called the heavies they're they're heavies for a reason bro they got each titty got to be minimum 20 pounds kate upton is 136 pounds there's no way i'm so mark mark mark they can't be complaining all the time about back pain if they just carrying around a little three pound weight those are bro there's no she got to be 160 to 15 she's 5 10. she's not five pedal 135 when she got the super alright there's no way you guys there's no way you think that's 135 pounds at least 160. 160 to 180. yeah yeah and i'm not saying she's fat but the titties themselves have to weigh a certain amount if you're five ten that's size that size right so it's not wrong for a coach to look at this girl who's six eight okay she got titties and six eight titties mind you yeah right she not five three two he's not five sixty is six eight titties you're gonna be proportionately bigger to think she's three plus hmm yeah i'm with it hey who knows the guy's just guessing also she called him little white man he's not upset about that he's like i am little compared to your big ass you know what i mean right committed to your big ass 300 pounds big breasted big breasts big breasted ass lady that's a big [ __ ] that's a big [ __ ] with her [ __ ] mcdonald's with a mcdonald's sweatshirt how often do you got to go to mcdonald's you're like i need to start wearing this [ __ ] bro this is a fire bruh you can't be in the complaint about the weight um especially if you can't say it on fat shame and then you fetch him by being like i'm not 300 pounds okay [ __ ] disgusting yeah you fat shame and 300 pounders that are actually 300 pounds that's a good ass point too i'm saying that's a hypocritical he's just saying you're gorgeous that i like your point best if big is beautiful he's saying you're gorgeous gorgeous more beautiful more beautiful i need to weigh her real talk how do i know you're not 300 how do we know you're not you're just out here saying you're 235 you could not be word get on the scale kate upton she's probably pushing two k-nubs it might be 200 pounds yo who weighs more vin diesel at kate upton oh kate happened for a fact 100 percent live diesel 5-6 yeah no titty meat that's true kate upton 510 heavy like probably one tit is like the size of a kevin hart so she got two kevin hearts plus her size yeah she's that's a fact that's i like that math as an indian i sign off on that math right there and you know what's disrespectful about this akash she got all these other girls with big titties thinking they're fat for not weighing 200 pounds when they look just like her they're like oh my gosh she's 135 she got the heavies i got the heavies and i'm 160. what the [ __ ] is wrong with me nothing be honest about your [ __ ] weight nothing the hey you got the heaviest you got the heavies they're called debbie's we call them the heavy so you feel better about yourself yeah we're not calling we're not calling the schmediums yeah biggest beautiful scenario the heavies you missing texas right now aren't you yo everything's bigger the heavies are bigger we love the heaviest that's what i'm talking about liz cambridge need to apologize i think she owes every big woman an apology she owes every big woman apology also according to this she's 216. i need her i need her on the scale if it's a conversation about weight and you are basing your discrimination and wait we need you on a scale we need a weigher we need a wearer and if you're 216 you know maybe you want to put on a few pounds be a little more beautiful that's up to you i'm not gonna tell you what to do but big is beautiful we all think so i'm just is it i know it seems disrespectful just straight way women that's crazy yeah but if you're basing your disrespect on weight we need to prove that's a fact right or wrong that's a fact the feeling is the feeling feelings right the feeling is right facts maybe not it's a it's a whole carnival attraction i agree if the guy who was right she ain't get the prize one of those guys we need to get one of those guys and guess your weight guys neither one of them like enthusiasm you know them guys at the guess your weight they just look at you and you know oh the carnival you could just guess what they are oh yeah we need one of them watch the video and let us know if any of you guys had that job because you look 300. he going off what he sees and he sees a beautiful woman he's he sees a beautiful woman but he's also like that's 300. 300 pounds but why is that disrespectful if you just look and go that's 300. yeah again he's just making you more beautiful i don't know what's to be offended about that you got to take this private conversation online yeah that's foul it's better to round up like the movie 300 it didn't look like 300 of them off yeah yeah but you just round up you were probably like 216. 208 bro i bet they came in there with about 210. yeah 210 and they were like well we're just going to go to world war 210 people now say 300. yeah boom dude there's another thing is like if you're used to seeing men that are 6 10 yeah and then you see a girl you're like oh they're probably about the same women way more women way more because they got tits yeah anthony davis is 250. say what anthony davis is 250. so he's just kind of basing off that he's like oh yeah anthony davis is about that tall if anthony davis had titties he'd probably be around 300 boom yeah yeah i don't think that this guy's in the wrong at all no and i think this girl needs to start speaking in her god-given accent because it's crazy it's crazy out here it's crazy it's getting crazy out here what else we got american culture all right guys we're gonna take a break for a second because i got to talk to you about a hypothetical okay you started your own online store let's say you're doing what you love you're selling products people want and orders are coming in fast now comes the hard part shipping those [ __ ] products out luckily shipstation makes it easy with shipstation it's simple to import manage and ship your orders out fast for a lot less money it's no wonder shipstation is the number one shipping software for e-commerce sellers with more five-star reviews than anyone else okay you can import orders okay it's very easy you can 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stress free shipping all you got to do is go to shipstation.com click on the microphone at the top of the page and type in flagrant that's shipstation.com enter the offer code flagrant and you're going to get that 60 day free trial make ship happen now let's get back what else we got man all right you want to talk about elliot page excuse me oh yeah elliot page damn near transformed into pete davidson seen this picture bro she yoked queen of staten island bro yo you got to look at who did this surgery yo whoever did this surgery i'm seeing i'm tired of working out no no my man did it what do you mean it's fit not he he's body is amazing dude's got abs bro abs bruh full-blown and you've seen her titties that's juno's titties bro what do they do with those what what do they do with them you put them in each ab oh they do fat transfer oh it's something so you want to know some crazy thing the abs that you see these like instagram [ __ ] that you know how like they got abs now like cardi b got abs but it's sculpted they stretch the obliques and then it gives you uh definition on the side my oh is that what they do yeah so they have the one if they have definition on the side they take the oblique and stretch it down so then it makes it pop out a little bit that's crazy yo i was under the impression that they do fat transfers so that they look like abs but if you touch them they're not hard at all no no it's actually muscle i was told otherwise so they get they get the fat transfer so they take the fat out so now you make the weight small yeah you take part of your oblique muscle you cut it stretch it so now it's like more tight like it's totally yeah and so now your muscles always tone yeah botox media knows a lot about surgeries implants at this point yo if you gonna do it do it i kind of respect this from elliot page like i don't give a [ __ ] about your like sex or gender or whatever the [ __ ] that you always want to tell people about but if you're gonna do it if you're gonna transition do it pop out that [ __ ] did it yeah you know he went in we we see people half-ass their transition yeah and you just look stupid right you just do it looks dumb yeah but if you go all in burn the boats get the abs burn the [ __ ] in the [ __ ] boats burn the boats bruh yeah but he couldn't wait to show that picture because the [ __ ] titty surgery scar wasn't even healed yet he still had stitches in and everything right but he's like now you're gonna see these abs ads are popping yeah i couldn't even notice that so yeah the question is is he a [ __ ] boy now he looked like a [ __ ] neck tattoo he really does man this is he i think he got to lean all the way in he's a he's a dj now yeah that [ __ ] isn't he that might be a chainsmoker he turned into a chainsmoker bro yo this how good the surgery is we calling this [ __ ] he we never do that you gotta have respect for somebody that fit yo everybody's out here teaching the peloton class probably whip your ass bro son it is unbelievable we gotta talk to muscle doc see what he's on yeah because you know he's on some sort of testosterone steroid some [ __ ] oh man i i'm honestly convinced he got a pecker bruh oh i think he done grown out of pecker i think he done grown out of pecker bro he did it huh i need to see elliot page's penis bro i want to see it i would like to see it i if the body looks that good imagine the penis the abs on the dick oh [Laughter] elliot page about to smash your girl dickbench 250. yeah easy i made my own follow you did it yes machine gun elliott yo watch out for machine gun ellie bro machine gun ellie is coming for your [ __ ] yeah you can follow ellen page you can't follow elliott are you crazy uh uh no i don't stand for it i gotta see the thing he's slanging right i think he's slinging the thang thing i bet he got the [ __ ] oh i think he got a nice little hog pick that [ __ ] out fresh yeah if you were if you transition if you're going from female to male what would i get how big exactly what i had no what would i what would i go with color thickness or length all the above okay definitely pakistani i'm not i can't go brown bro i would go i would go pink dude i do like ninja turtle pink like super pink see it in the dark pink like you've seen in the dark like reflective reflective hot pink i go hot pink okay hot pink and then girth like dog would you get dog say what like dog oh dog lipstick yeah uh yeah you get a dog i do dog lipstick and i had the head a different color i would have the shaft pink and the head would be um yeah when are we going to get to designer dicks i like this you guys you can do it now elliot got one bro yeah she's out there what do you think it looks like mushroom that should look like a portabello son i think she got the fat hood bro i think i think put it on a burger nom nom nom nom nom nom dude real talk yeah she got the impossible meat [Music] can we call [ __ ] dick's impossible meat me from now on i need to see elliot's impossible meat i need to see kaitlyn's impossible me i need to see where these surgeries are at that's only fair wait can we get the surgery if we see it and it's good enough we might as well like we're allowed to right lop it off put in another one dog you've never seen how the spaceship's connected got the pump pump say what you got the pump i don't want a pump bruh i want my dick hard always you think it's hard all the time i want it that's how i want it always hard default is hard i should be mad uncomfortable no it's not i'll flip it up to the belly the only time it's uncomfortable is that the urinal for the people next to me um because i'm gonna pee up like that and then down to the one next to me yeah over the over the wall not even over the wall i'm gonna go flat you're gonna like this and then write down parabola so the person is going to go to this one i bet no no i'm using that one he's like what are you talking about that is impressive you know it's like the bellagio yes yes yeah i like that bellagio pissing i'm hitting that bellage synchronize you know what i mean you and the homie get there you shoot cross strings i watch that show i mean come on is that weird that i want to see elliot paige's penis bro why is that weird you want to see women's vaginas yeah what's wrong with seeing ellie and paige's pee pee that's the thing right you don't want to see caitlyn jenner's vagina bro i said i'm all about seeing vaginas i don't want to see that penis you're the only person who watches porn to see for dicks like i don't watch it exclusively no you said that you you know what he looks dicks that's not exclusive i like when you see the thing i like that's what i'm saying i've never searched the pawn for the dick no no no i'm not gonna not watch a porn with a girl just because the dick is trash but if the dick is to my liking i will enjoy it more yeah duh no but you'll stop don't be the gay guy that kills you until dumb agree with a 49 that agrees with you you might be a little bit on the edge you said i'm 49 agreed [Laughter] but no i i listen you want to make sure everything in the house looks right you know valid that's crazy no you pick out the couch you pick out the ottoman you pick out the side chair you there's not dicks you prefer in porn there wasn't a dick where you're like nah that's too big it's crazy nah nah you can't get too big for you bro yeah it's white it doesn't ruin it a little bit no but actually you know uh i got the oculus and i'm talking about the girl out [Laughter] i got the oculus and all the 4d porn like it was all white dicks and that kind of bothered me because when you look down you see a dick and it looks white so as well because you came right away yeah i mean it was a little too fast you're trying to you kept trying to go down with the oculus you're looking down at your own white penis you're looking down to your right penis bro so you suck with white dick that's even gay that's why i didn't like it i just said i didn't like that i just can't believe you did it though that sounds interesting so late you can have [ __ ] force on this [ __ ] is lit what's the backyard couch dude rick shout out to rick yo rick you're the goat we'd love to have you on flavor except i didn't like looking at his penis he was weak kind of freezing we would love that will we not you don't want to have rick the legends i don't know this guy i'm sorry you don't want to earn an extra 3 if they select you we have to do a video first to see and i'm the only male talent here so we might as well get this video started okay but i got the whole thing memorized right you do if you put me in that shitty little room i can make them videos though so you sing along to the full house theme song you like know all the words [Laughter] i do that when i'm watching yet one to five thousand yeah what i need you to do is start by sucking my dick [ __ ] i'm [ __ ] he started by sucking my [ __ ] the girl goes right now right now yeah right now there's a crazy way to start though couldn't start with like uh getting to know you or he does he asks for the id and then he and then they get they have to get naked he like makes him like bend over weak oh yeah he's like i gotta check it out five minutes in the video you've seen them now i watched i'm [ __ ] rick thank you thank you because you like his pants that vayne is too big what about his body he's got here his body's weird too he's up and down but i relate to him because he fluctuates the weight so i've that's my guy [Laughter] he's like a fighter scene how many you've seen you know his weight died like you know you've seen it you know you see it's like always a heavy weight in this one i you get on top yeah it's a lot more ground and pound yeah okay um guys what else we got do we even complete the last thing yeah yo we could definitely have some fun so everyone's talking about olivia rodrigo specifically me about how her album is bodying and i know olivia rodrigo did that a little school shooter that's pop star she's 18 years old all right so we could talk all right so you you listen to her album female school shooter music and i was bopping to it this morning in the gym bro deja vu no is that her song deja vu yeah there was another one i was listening to the [ __ ] is fire but it's a little bit psycho stop it it's fire it's not [ __ ] not nice it's this is just the new age like the girl who made that paramore friday or paramore that's like you think she's right yeah this is the same type of music it's like popcorn pop [ __ ] teemo popcorn popcorn yeah i'll listen to that boom rat let's go you know the good old days you know rodrigo she's 18 years old 18 years old the school shooter music is female school shooter music and i realize all this like adele all them all these girls like that are scorned by their last man or whatever that's what women do instead of shooting up schools they just trash the [ __ ] out the man and trash the [ __ ] out the girl that and they he can't have no joy and neither can the girl that he's with have joy the whole time she says she's like oh you think that all the things that you do with him are unique no [ __ ] we did them all together oh [ __ ] real [ __ ] she said this way to do it she said this she said uh she's like oh now you're all better because of that therapist i got you he can't even be better [ __ ] yo that's foul he can't even be maybe you should go to a therapist but you hold on to this she about shoot some [ __ ] up talk to somebody talk to somebody olivia rodrigo i don't know her was that the [ __ ] you were playing that we were hating on yeah yeah yeah yeah no no no that's fine that's actually a good point because i'm listening to like grunge now oh [ __ ] you'd listen to avril lavigne bro i'm listening to grunge now the way you talk about olivia rodrigo is the way that we talk about hamilton remember when you made fun of us talking about how fire hamilton is that's what you sound like you sound like this talking about yeah but robert was good but remember you were talking about like she has pain she has emotional trauma like yeah yeah you did say that is that yeah i could see you being into that you didn't see you being in the mirror you said you want to do this to her fanny lips [Laughter] get the raspberry going you know she's 18 dollars relax relaxed margie are you out here looking crazy i'm 24. but you were 30 years old so now grown-ups bro you got it ozzy grow up mark lizzit real talk what you need me to grow up right what do you mean grow up dude what what you need to grow up what do i do this two years you lucky you got the oldest wife of all of us that [ __ ] just dawned upon me old old 25 year old isn't that crazy i got it i gotta put a pacifier in our girl's mouth before we come to the podcast oh [ __ ] i'm joking that's a joke babe it's a joke all right we date old ass women on this podcast right only day some old as women yo absolutely old as well with some old ass [ __ ] tastes speaking of old ass women jlo and ben affleck they're rekindling this [ __ ] yeah and diddy's trying to hate dude he's trying to get everybody trying to get in there right you know what he's trying to get his old thing back i [ __ ] with that yeah that move that was a fire move just throw back thursday go back thursday right that's what did he do yeah did he because he used to split that yeah of course yeah he was the first the first of many he made her pop whoa whoa you seen money training remember how bad she was in money training she was bad at money [ __ ] the money is a fire movie fire harrelson's white goat dog that's a white goat that's that's a white goat that isn't white when when did j.lo make fire music when she was never no she got some bangers what was her [ __ ] on the six train you gotta take it to the bronx get yourself some chunklers smoke yourself on the sixth train you gotta take it to the bronx get yourself a little north face that comes up on you to your boy and have a baby before you're 17 in the sixth string trying to take it to the prompt isn't that what's the word that's from in the heights or some [ __ ] yeah because she's from the bronx right yeah no i didn't know that about it in the heights i thought she was from the crazy in the high school i've never seen anything like jersey or something like that montclair just for montclair jenny from the block yeah uh this i don't know what i am with archives just the word block knowing the chain could come back at it [Laughter] bothered me for that one moment that i said the word yeah no little boy just hang tight bugs him a little bit it's gonna take a while we're gonna win all right god bless i'm in i'm in forever you know me yeah uh okay but okay do we have any feelings about it what do you guys think you think listen first of all this is what i didn't like about it i remember ben affleck made headlines like a few months ago when he was like oh i remember what the headlines you're saying about jlo when we were dating and it was just so sexist and misogynistic the horrible things these reporters are saying and i was like that seems odd from a from a white guy from boston he wouldn't give a [ __ ] about this guy's worried about getting his dunkin donuts inside mm-hmm and then i find out as soon as they break up he been trying to holler like don't use the media he uses he was on a dating app like three weeks ago you remember this yeah yeah i respect that though that's fire i like that ben affleck yeah cheating on everybody getting drunk shitty tattoos and [ __ ] yeah bro that's you you saw the video where the girl unmatched him yeah that was [ __ ] up what do you think about that well i mean she put it out right like she's like she put him on blast give the description away so basically this girl's on do the thing i tell you never to do on stage yeah i was talking about this business weekend i was like yeah i could describe it funny he goes no no more describing it they know so basically this girl's on tinder she matches with ben affleck and she goes oh there's obviously a fake account there's no way i just matched with ben affleck she unmatched him and then he sent her a video and goes why'd you unmatch me it's me i'm i'm ben affleck and then she made a tick tock where she was like lol remember that time i matched with ben affleck nobody remembers [ __ ] it happened to just you on youtube i hate when they do remember when [ __ ] that's so annoying i hate it remember when lebron you know gave me his shirt after the game we don't remember nobody knows anything about your life that's the point of the that's olivia rodrigo music that's olivia ross olivia rodrigo music okay mark so so go on so then basically she puts out the video puts him on blast and it's like yo i'm master ben affleck like he was mad thirsty and she looks stupid and he looks all right there's nothing wrong with being thirsty bro why did you unmatch me it's me that's great but yo regular [ __ ] look way better than hollywood ones i'm telling you all these actresses yeah but you could be thirsty over jlo don't be thirsty over some chicken upper east side you don't know what that girl looks like roommates that girl probably hadn't been engaged 12 times like you we we all know that girl see that girl you know what that line won't be all right glasses and everything the whole aesthetic [ __ ] for air condition season is upon us and ladies ladies treat yourself better bro treat yourself better this is a psa from chelsea to you treat yourself better okay don't be [ __ ] no dude because it's june in new york city you don't have air conditioning in your shitty apartment you share with seven other roommates go home okay go home do not [ __ ] do just because he got ac [ __ ] because you love him [ __ ] him because you got you know something to build with him [ __ ] him because you might think that he's a great [ __ ] but not for air conditioner [ __ ] a guy who will buy you an air conditioning pc [ __ ] for all the single guys trying to get some [ __ ] out here yo yeah you don't want no girl who's [ __ ] for air conditioning bro single mom yeah what you mean dumpster [ __ ] great ac right now fair trade chlamydia from a girl who needed air conditioning okay now both of us need to get cool time this is reason you're so hot cause you're [ __ ] on fire [ __ ] okay need some air condition for your [ __ ] oh man it's certain time in new york motherfucker's gonna be [ __ ] out here it's gonna be a while you can feel it in the streets yeah leave a field in the street there could be some miserable [ __ ] i don't know it's just there's an energy manual uh everything's been we've been held pent up for a year do you think this is going to help in cells is it going to be easier for them to [ __ ] i don't know i don't i think they still got the hardest thing for them is leaving the house the hardest thing for them is the social anxiety so and i think that it's actually going to make i think this year was the easiest for them because it was their comfort zone everybody was home i think it's actually going to make them even worse because they're going to see everybody out having the greatest time and they are going to still be in their parents basement i think it's going to be in-cell season as well it's going to be the roaring 20s but there's also going to be some wow [ __ ] no there's going to be some fucked-ups it's going to be both yeah we're seeing it already yeah do you see this in miami oh yeah as soon as we left there's a mass shooting well that was weird i didn't understand what happened where all the details aren't out necessarily but like basically what i understand i can look up where it was but basically there's like there's two this week there was like like a rap concert i did like it was like a hip-hop night at like a club okay and then people got there okay they got out of like uh just a regular car like three guys and they just started indiscriminately shooting into like a crowd of people waiting to get it so that was definitely from the looks of it is probably like a hit they were some gang going for one person but it just so happened there was a line outside of people trying to get in so what kind of lazy ass [ __ ] is that 20 people got hit go inside two people died i mean there's no they're not the most part of people i mean they sell drugs yeah and it's like it's harder to get in with your guns you can't get in with your guns oh yeah you gotta hit him before he gets in the car to come out i mean you're trying not invented the drive-by shooting is not a drive-by mass shooting that's some white people [ __ ] you guys are getting very white guys about what i'm saying you guys are appropriate you didn't even drive you parked the car and got out it's the angst everybody wants to get back out they couldn't even wait yeah no that's a white privileged way to kill that is a white privilege way to kill al and then even at that mall wait they called it a mass shooting yeah that's the first time they called some black people doing some [ __ ] i actually don't know if they were if they were black or not yeah but there was a there was a shooting at the mall aventura on our way there shut down that one i'm cool with like that because that one's like it was like there was like three three people got injured i think but it was like they were all having a dispute with each other about what and then we don't know but i'm literally on my way there and then a guy's on an elevator with me dressed up mad sharp i'm like everybody looking sharp he's like oh appreciate you getting married today and i'm like oh it's dope congrats he goes yeah man they shut down the venue i'm like they shut down the [ __ ] venue what's going on and then he's like they had a mass shooting at aventura mall yeah we're near there he shut down everything i'm on my way to you got married in the mall near the mall which is it was [ __ ] kanye literally yeah yeah yeah come on you can't do that lesson learned man yeah that's crazy man wow you really are southern though just out here giving random compliments and [ __ ] like some but i will say this though that happened in florida and florida's been open yeah so it's not like it's a reaction to things just opening up oh no this is going to happen as soon as it opens anywhere and you can't stay shut down forever yeah this [ __ ] gonna happen though yeah it's gonna be a couple of weeks we're gonna get like numb to it yeah oh [ __ ] we are numb to it that's a crazy thing man i mean it's just so [ __ ] crazy how numb we are to everything like the ufo [ __ ] everybody coming out i think we were talking about this i don't know if it was on the pod or maybe it was off the pod we were just talking about it idiots oh it's on idiots yeah it's like we're so [ __ ] like everybody's coming out they got all these politicians 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order remember it's mac weldon that's m-a-c-k-w-e-l-d-o-n dot-com you and then you do a slash and then flagrant you enter the promo code flagrant you get that 20 off now let's get back to this we don't care if there's aliens we don't care that they basically just admitted that the security guards for epstein yeah uh i didn't know that oh the security guards for epstein were basically convicted of not checking on epstein the night that he got killed we all knew they weren't but and then they got community service for it because like they were willing to like work on the uh like yeah we'll work on the case yeah sure you're gonna work on the investigation you're being investigated by the [ __ ] that know exactly what happened yeah yeah come on bro but how crazy is that like this happened we we have them basically admitting going yeah we [ __ ] up well now we [ __ ] up but yeah we didn't check on him the night that he uh committed to us that yeah yeah and we don't care i think the deal is like what would have been the i'm sorry i think the deal with them is like they were basically like yo shut your mouth don't say anything about it don't do a book don't do a movie because i think a lot of people have been trying to get them and be like yo explain what happened so i think the deal is like yeah we'll give you a lesser sentence just shut your mouth but how were they what are the charges uh the charge with negligence for their job because essentially they were just there watching tv yeah but there's a chance that this is what they did like they didn't actually go check on the sale every house trust me that's how that's not true that's how it happens in the direction so yeah but if it's epstein you know you gotta check on this [ __ ] and and if someone's on suicide watch maybe they don't give a [ __ ] about this thing so this is what they think they were editing the podcast al's got perspective on this because al used to do this not corrections right and uh where he was being held used to work yeah right you used to work at the tunes yeah we called the tombs what's it called uh i mean i think new york is still referred to as a team but uh manhattan correctional facility okay so that's where he's being held and so it is common that that officers or corrections officer the or the whatever the security guards there won't do the rounds because you're like they're locked up what the [ __ ] is really gonna happen or you do it a few times a night now that being said it feeds the conspiracy if we all believe they didn't do it on purpose yeah and we kind of all want to believe the conspiracy because it's so [ __ ] absurd and at this point you gotta believe something some part of this conspiracy is right yeah it might not be all of it but some part if you deny every single part of it you're a [ __ ] face yeah the official story is wrong we just don't know which thing is wrong exactly so now every new bit of information that comes out feels like it further confirms the conspiracy oh these two officers were in on it they knew that this was happening the whole time and that's why they neglected to check when the average corrections officer was like man we don't ever be checking these [ __ ] especially if it's at night we're watching some on netflix [ __ ] these guys so it's tricky man or what if now they know we don't care so they're just like let out everything that people have been dying to know so i'm not gonna give a [ __ ] maybe get used to it because we're also ready to get out aliens are here and we're like hey whatever there's outside their places are open let's go eat we don't care about aliens we don't care about the epstein [ __ ] what the [ __ ] do we care about we care about getting back outside and seeing people we just want to party you're right now is the time to tell us whatever they [ __ ] need to tell us tell us what happened jfk yeah tell us about the the eddie what else is there oh uh i saw i think there was a former fbi agent says they know the person who shot biggie tell us that [ __ ] behind you but uh yeah r.i.p but like tell us that they know the person but they won't release the name because it's like something in conjunction with the lapd and they they gotta shut up yeah all right well boom tell us about biggie tell us about it tell us about moon landing tell us about all the [ __ ] it's lit i'm we we don't care we just want to be outside we're going to go out right now we'll care about it later did you this is annoying me he always annoys me but king dork neil degrasse tyson was on rogan yeah yeah and um and rogan put him in his place bro that [ __ ] was so [ __ ] beautiful because they would start talking about ufos and you know king dork is a bahama bug about everything he got like rain on everybody's parade that's his [ __ ] i know he's so [ __ ] annoying and um he goes he says so this is here's my issue with you he's so dismissive of everything that he doesn't agree with like it's preposterous so you don't even bring it up to him because here's my thing with the ufos it's like why would an advanced alien species be interesting about us what is so interesting about us it's arrogant to even think that they would even care what we have going on here and jacob sorry go go go go go we got people to study ants bro like literally we go to the [ __ ] forest we look at bugs and we go look at this bug and it does nothing we were like we invented a new bug yes jellyfish we trees we study leaves we go lazy justification and say i don't necessarily believe it it's just so lazy to and to condescend and make you feel bad about yourself what makes you think you're so important it's so patronizing and so arrogant to assume that if something is of no interest to you yeah then it should be of no interest to any people why do you care about stars [ __ ] yeah like what's that stars dork yeah it's gas bro little specks in the sky can't do nothing never gonna even matter of fact the [ __ ] you're studying ain't even around no more it's gone by the time it reaches us you studied some [ __ ] that don't even exist like ufos you [ __ ] idiot i'm so annoyed by this guy but joe basically said to him he's like why would they not be interested we can nuke the world a thousand times over we have tiny disputes that end up in massive fights wars we have [ __ ] holocaust how do they do that to eliot page i would travel too we have game of thrones like game of thrones we create these movies stories he goes there's so many things that are so unbelievably fascinating we're so lit actually it's so interesting at any point in time we can press one button and then there's no more of any of us on the world anymore and we don't and he does this long spiel and i was like yes put that [ __ ] dork in his place one of the most interesting just neil degrasse tyson is boring as [ __ ] and he's confusing himself with us and to your point about how we study boring [ __ ] we're interested in what neil degrasse tyson got to say you don't think aliens be interested you got to say some [ __ ] and we're like oh it's interesting so true man it just made me feel so good for rogan to get because that's also like if you're going to talk about some science [ __ ] nobody's [ __ ] with a scientist yeah neil graduated national scientist but the second they got in that ufo thing now you're in ruger's wheelhouse right now you're in the unprovable if you want to go into the approval [ __ ] that's you but the unprovable buckle up boy well it's been proven they exist well ufos but we don't know if it's aliens right right yeah but we don't know what the [ __ ] it was why do you think we just don't care you really think we just want to go outside isn't it also equally arrogant to say this entire universe exists just for us that's some white people [ __ ] like you think this whole space exists and it's just ours we just get to send rockets whoever the [ __ ] we want to and that's our land i don't i don't think he got a good point we put an american flag on the moon like brah that's just mad arrogance yeah that is that's we can just go tomorrow send a rover to mars why we own the moon that's kind of lit though like we got there first that's arrogant don't talk about arrogance when we're when that's equally as arrogant i think that like their their feeling is i think musk subscribes to this as well is uh we don't have any proof that they've come here but that doesn't mean that they don't exist and the probability is that they do exist because there's just so many outcomes but we don't have any real proof that they've been here like and um even with the ufo footage like this [ __ ] is always mad grainy everyone's got an iphone now yeah yeah footage back in the 90s is like i get it like you gotta zoom yeah when you're doing a lot of this they're doing a lot of this on their phone yeah i mean i've seen world story videos like they get some like zoom so don't zoom then let me get the [ __ ] just regular bananas look like a little spot okay i'm okay with the moving spot what else nah but i mean it makes sense for the video to be grainy like if the [ __ ] shits are in the atmosphere it's not like you they're flying on the same like distance where planes are and you're like that so that gun it's gonna be grainy here to here you get a clear ass picture thousand ten thousand five however many feet away you ain't getting no clear picture you gotta zoom yeah if your video is grainy bro yeah iphone ten [Music] yeah get rid of the grain right like that should be what they do so you don't think it's ufo because it's grainy i don't think it's ufo i think it's our [ __ ] and i think that we're just trying to posture like i think we made these things and this is us to other countries going we don't know what it is but other countries are like well we know it ain't us do these [ __ ] got some crazy flying [ __ ] all right let me not [ __ ] with that oh that's fine that's what i think it is and then china is just like hahaha the game is we buy things now it's not who got the fancy planes fam the game is we buy things yeah and whoever buys the most [ __ ] wins so print some more money [ __ ] like let's start buying bro i don't know what else what else we got going man a couple more um okay so this one was interesting the people especially people on the right got fired up are you about to do what i think you're about to do flouchy oh no what's that but the fountain [ __ ] yeah yeah they're about to toss why oh matter of fact a couple things are happening right now the wuhan lab leak oh yeah is gonna be the story over the next couple weeks i think uh your boy fauci was testifying in front of congress and uh about his role in it but he always said there's no way that this is a lab leak at all this is uh it was caused by a bats and these coveted viruses come from bats right and i don't know about all this [ __ ] but in the next couple weeks we should probably have an expert come on and explain it to you guys you know someone who really knows the ins and outs of all these situations i mean it's definitely not true and we're not saying it's factual but they might have some interesting things to say hmm that's all i'll say about that but um this is gonna be the big story because it looks like the biden administration is throwing fouchy under the bus they got him on the hot seat and he was the darling of the democrats before right yeah so if it comes out because most of what happened was there are a few people who worked at the wuhan lab yeah and they got sick in november they had to be hospitalized right and then china of course covering that [ __ ] up yep right but if it does turn out that this [ __ ] came from a lab in china and wuhan specifically i need my apology though i need my apology from all the bloggers that call me racist for calling that [ __ ] the chinese flu the wuhanic plague who said i was racist for putting out a thing blaming china for the virus if the [ __ ] literally comes from government-funded labs in china and they let it leak which was not what we were doing we were just being hyperbolic we were joking around joke it was an absolute [ __ ] joke but you called me racist but if we end up being right in our joke i need an official apology oh cause you took our joke serious yeah so now if the serious thing is accurate i'm gonna need the apology and anonymous needed to be just as loud as the criticism you know do we not need apology for that we lost a sponsor over that bitch-ass [ __ ] sponsor how many i'm gonna need apology from them and lost wages yo i'ma need lost wages yo before i sue i'm a sue i'm a suit for i'm a suit what is that [ __ ] called slander slam yeah some [ __ ] liable slander defamation yeah don't hit him hit him with it get it doing bro let's get the lawsuit machine going here i was just thinking i was trying to be racist [Laughter] turns out i'm right it turns out i'm right yeah every time every time i'm trying to be racist yeah sir it's out on rocks yeah just look at the numbers you know statistics it's just it's just raw numbers i took my wallet and i put in the other pocket and it turns out he was trying to steal my wallet i was right guys it's called a hunch but we'll have someone here to describe uh what they think is really going on but if that's true why is economic sanctions on china so [ __ ] crazy because we [ __ ] bro that's the thing i don't understand it we [ __ ] don't get it and everybody doesn't even acknowledge as possible you don't gotta go to war with them but if they're thriving from a pandemic that leaked from one of their labs i'm not saying [ __ ] you or whatever i mean i'm saying it but you can just be like yo we just can't [ __ ] with you for a while you gotta have some kind of punishment for that because that caused a global pandemic can we be honest yeah then they're gonna throw sanctions back on us there's yeah there's no way any sanctions of ours can affect how much they consume of ours so some type of government sanctions and they'll cancel hollywood here's the thing what we need to do here's the thing we need and this is what we should have hollywood cancelled doug motherfucker's going broke in the same way we sanction what we should do is we should build up first of all we got to get rid of democracy in india that was good they're working on it they're working on it don't worry good they should get rid of democracy because it can't get to where we need it to be fast enough fascinating because if you had a dictator if you had like a singaporean type system and i understand it's very different singapore is a barely a [ __ ] city so tiny and you're talking about one of the largest countries in the world in terms of population right number one number one okay so it's much different i'm not saying it's possible but the the democratic process the good things about it is it grinds slowly right and the bad thing about it is because it grinds [ __ ] slowly so if you had a dictator that could just organize some [ __ ] in india so that we could put all those jobs over there we could start building these factories we start executing things that we need to execute in a timely manner then we take away some of the power of china would you would you do the honor i will i will be the dictator of india i'm in it i'm in let's go i will be the dictator what position up akash is in my cabinet and what am i you're also in my cabinets alex team china sorry he's probably gonna turn down well alex is at the chinese pool party wow oh sorry i couldn't make it to the cabinet they celebrating wins all right so now that we're leading india what do we do um well there's a couple things we have to do right we have to we have to stop the rapes yeah no first they got to stop is the [ __ ] spreading on themselves yeah yeah that's a good point well that's what the women were doing to stop the rapes what do you think that they thought that they were doing that for fun about the dudes who are doing it what what the guys that are they'd be raping guys out there too bro anybody could get it yo friction is friction they like they're doing an anal anyways anyways bro make the snake rise bro that's all they care about the flute it's time to get can you yeah [Laughter] well yeah so we need to we need to start that number one what about the farmers how are you gonna settle that we gotta settle the farmers yeah that's we gotta do that settle it yeah i mean i think i have a great solution to settlements we're gonna go everybody chill out um no no but we have to settle up we have to settle with the farmers right and um let them farm bro yeah let them farm let themselves honestly i want them to farm we're going to switch the things that they farm yeah yeah we got it we got to say again tech no farming crypto not crypto oh that's mining that's not that's mining we're not going to let them mine yeah but we have to let them farm things that we think would be useful right things that we can use correctly they need to make fleshlights you give every guy a flashlight oh i got one step better attach a fleshlight to cattle that's everything they love dude you have you have a cow you're not touching the cows you're touching the flashlight why can't if you love cows why can't you make them feel good yeah how are you that's a real rapist logic why can't you make him feel good ultimately as well the karma suit that you got kyle in the clock the countdown bro but i don't think they would touch the cow even had fleshlight they can't disrespect the country they can grab a woman but they can't remember [Laughter] these [ __ ] got to start dressing up as cows bro literally give women cow costumes we just saw the rape john give women captions i like that solution cow costumes are all the way solutions farmers okay do you do we want the farmers to stop farming or what do we want let them farm babies you know what is the goal how do we help them do they want to not farm they want a farm they want a farm and then what's the issue uh tax or something like that i already forgot wow i already forgot this is your king this is your king i already forgot this is your king right here y'all understand why i get so upset about crypto why don't you be talking [ __ ] cuz i know he knows he's though he knows nothing you're out of the cabinet bro you're out you can't you can't lead individuals you might be out of the cabinet yeah that's wild so they want their minimum support pricing back i remembered that's fine that's what it is he just let me move on to covert killing everybody i gotta talk about farmers again [ __ ] okay if they farm corn that solves it that they farm corn yeah okay let's give them some corn let's give them corn can we give them corn that's what happened in america they just all farm corn and everybody's good now just put corn and everything cool yeah corn syrup corn syrup ethanol ethanol corn syrup they also have grits on the cob on the cops that's also dope uh-huh canned they will do a lot with corn start making uh tortilla chips native american's gotta give us a little bit of respect for what we did to corn critters oh they got um uh pitas no no that's not corn what's the other one tacos next thing he's got tacos acorns are lit yeah yeah yeah that's not type of corn indians were messing with little tiny corns what's the bread that you break to eat the food no no none yeah yeah start switch that to corn so what's that the corn also corn is way healthier for your diet it is you don't eat corn i'm not healthy [Laughter] but i also don't eat none that's one of your big i eat a little bit of corn if i have to eat corn i will but i try to not eat corn mm-hmm because that [ __ ] is horrible for you don't let them do corn do you do eat cool no i don't whenever when you get mexican food you're like i don't do flowers over flowers for you i don't people keep telling me this i don't mean too uh chemically engineered yeah well i saw those documentary calls your body doesn't even absorb it you ever eat corn yeah [ __ ] it right out yeah it's just i like corn this weekend it's plastic food it's not real it is a sandwich no nutrition it's kind of fun to see your digestive cycle though yeah i'll sometimes throw some corn in there just to know when i'm like how long it takes you to put it exactly yeah yeah i do i should do yeah just kind of know like where i'm at oh two days how do we even get into this uh because we're dictating uh before that we're the dictators of india china in order to take over china oh the fountain [ __ ] oh yeah yeah so then i think we got to get our money over there to india bro i'm talking that man like europe europe how many indians we got in europe how many indians we got in america like we love indians we [ __ ] with indians bro that's true you know what i mean there's never been a stop indian hate ever even when we did hate y'all we didn't even mean to yeah yeah we got it wrong we were too stupid it's communication different just a miscommunication complete miscommunication so we love indians bro it's a good point we're lovable y'all are the most lovable people no matter where they go people love them bro yeah think about that they're about swallowing that's also what we're doing no we're not saying that about pakistan way better when it was india if i'm being honest just take them back call them indians yo i think we gotta take it back i don't i don't recognize that that's what i'm saying bro we're taiwan in them but where's john cena when you meet him he's gonna be up there deborah davis in the i'm sorry okay so we got the solution what else sons what else i know i got one more um all right this one was interesting oh i got one i got last one last one you [ __ ] boys bunch of [ __ ] ellie is this your is this rhetorical when you asked me no no it gives me enough time to remember yeah uh you seen uh uh jeff bezos get bailed out with a little punk ass huh no so jeff bezos is about to get bailed out it hasn't been confirmed yet by the senate where'd he get these stories from son this [ __ ] is big bro so jeff bezos about to get a 10 billion dollar bailout for his failed um trip to the moon people start businesses every day that fail keep keep going keep going you have any restaurants shut down during the wait do i need to set up or everybody knows what i'm talking about i have no idea okay so i don't need a [Music] i know he got this one i know he got this one [ __ ] bailout so check this so blue horizon was uh jeff bezos is spacex right and they were both fighting for a government contract for about 10 billion dollars which is like the new [ __ ] like a frontier endless procedure endless frontier act or whatever it was basically yo here's some money smart [ __ ] to make some [ __ ] and hopefully we can use it boom um spacex won because their bid for the contract was like way less i believe you can look it up just to make sure but i believe it was way less bezos company fails failed they spent 635 000 lobbying congress to let them do it there was one [ __ ] contract out and now they're proposing another bill to let there be two contracts so that he doesn't have to lose out on that 10 billion for blue horizon now there's two ways to look at it one is you lost fam now keep going wait wait one take one second how did he lose 10 billion he just lost the content he lost out on the contract but he never spent that money yet uh no but i think he spent a certain amount of money on blue horizon and building that up okay to get to the point where they could go we could do it for this amount so he put money up before it blew horizon he just didn't win a bid okay i'll go again right so um i can i can read my notes here if you want all right it's fine we go no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no we all just say page now i'm just all right basil space flight company blue you know you could add these to the notes blue origin blue origin my bad it's good blue or it was like oh my god you sound like akash in your life yeah but i'm not from space if i was from space i know some [ __ ] about it i think it's tricky you might be from space bro i'll be completely honest yeah i might be dogs whatever you and elon um basically who gives a [ __ ] it's blue origin anyway um isn't that [ __ ] up that he gets bailed out yo if your business failed it failed yeah wait do y'all know what i'm talking about enough no enough nobody knows you yeah he is they're just making a second one he hit you the little one i just did it was like a figure that was a figure he put some english it was super slick it was a little like you didn't even notice it if you didn't catch it you didn't see it and that would hurt my testicle the most well my testicles are not ready for that little slappy tablet okay go i can't stare at this sandwich no more so that [ __ ] looks so delicious my stomach is grumbling oh so you're watching my kicks look everybody i got lost i was gonna say oh my gosh [Music] yo i understand if you need to bail out like we have bankruptcy laws in america inc to encourage capitalism yup but if we're not bailing out every [ __ ] restaurant that failed you know how many things you how many businesses you could fail out bailout for 10 billion and we're all about small business in america right so instead of bailing them out letting their restaurants whatever stores crumble during corona economy crumbling during corona unemployment all-time high you bail out the richest human being in the world maybe second now he gets 10 billion i don't give a [ __ ] yo if pepsi it fails and they have [ __ ] crystal pepsi they're not like oh hey here's money for crystal pepsi nah you're still good you're good and i i can also even understand a bank is too big to fail i can understand that airline is too big to fail because if those go away we're all [ __ ] but a space company ain't too big to build origins we don't give a [ __ ] we're fine without it we didn't know it existed until this moment okay al got a different argument because if we don't bail him out then he's gonna pay us back by be like oh yeah you thought your your packages are gonna come in two days [ __ ] it three days now oh [Laughter] it's going to come in respectfully so you [Laughter] that's what they said the whole thing is yeah he'll tell you he'll take it out on us the [ __ ] spent 8.5 billion on mgm 8.5 you know mgm yeah the movie studio or whatever yeah you said 8.5 yeah dramatically i guessed it didn't know but he said it and they gave me a look too like yeah yeah it's 8.5 i don't even even know about 8.5 your trunk doesn't even close how do you know about 8.5 oh i was looking at elon musk's numbers [ __ ] dork oh look at a space travel [ __ ] nerd you're a gay nerd [Laughter] oh my god he's like hold up let me check you're always watching the jetsons and technically it's not possible for origin blue origin to work yeah you saw him run out of information on the jetsons because you know he's never seen that show in his [ __ ] life because we got self-flying cars already coming am i right let's go all right one more topic cause i gotta eat something i'm starving because i'm dying go say the topic you've been dying to [ __ ] say you [ __ ] dork oh [Music] china wanted to buy his podcast would you sell it to him come on what's second bitter [Laughter] how much less is the second bitter offering nah we're not selling bro to china i'm the [ __ ] china bro 500 they're offering 500 million china says 500 million dollars for the podcast no come on now i'm speaking mandarin i'm eating mandarin i'm not going to panda express or we talk about mayor lori lightfoot only giving interviews to non-white journalists ooh did you see this yeah i saw this that's fire but it wasn't like what did she say there was like a two uh thing minimum or something like that yeah it was like one-on-one interviews yeah specifically in like this period of time she's only doing white and there was only two there was only two issues gonna give out yeah like the headline is far crazier yeah than what the actual story was but it's the perfect headline to get like especially conservative uh twitter and conservative youtube absolutely furious because it's preposterous what you're saying she's only giving out interviews for people of color it's the exact fear of all like these white people who are going they're taking away our lifestyle they're taking away our culture it's illegal to be white in america what the [ __ ] is going on here but what is the the whole context were the interviews about a specific topic that had to do with people color not necessarily so like something like crying just look at the numbers you know no but it's basically like looking at her two-year mayoral anniversary is coming up and so some people are just like oh she's like kind of politicking because these one-on-one interviews that she's about to do with these people she wants them to be generally positive and so if she's able to get people interviews based off of like some sort of special privilege they might be uh they might be more lenient with her so she's not even doing this to be woke she's doing it to protect herself there's one thing that i caught in the article mark linked which was made it seemed like performative wokeness because they interviewed that post said they interviewed journalists of multiple races and they said uh other journalists are gonna let him read his notes that he don't get made fun of him only people in color could have notes okay only comedians of color all right i just got fully cut bro first episode they don't cuck me dude is a [ __ ] bro comedian of color you guys that's true i'm a [ __ ] i'm a little [ __ ] okay i'm a little girl i'm a little cocked okay they said jonas spoke to the post said that when they tried to question lightfoot on her administration on issues like police violence public schools and housing they've been met back with silence or dismissal so when we want to ask you about some real [ __ ] that affects the communities of color you don't give us anything you push back you silence if you dismiss us and now you're doing this gesture of oh i'm only letting journalists of color interview me it seems like performative openness it's definitely performance she could have just done it and i said nothing true that's what's weird it's like like most people yeah that's what white people do that's why they get [ __ ] done yeah so i think the story broke because i think a white chick hit her up and was like yo can we do an interview and she said her office was like sorry we're only doing interviews with she's like nah you're black no you're not black yeah and then i think she's dumb thing she broke the story i think yeah i mean i understand like it's smart if she wants to protect herself she's like nah black person's not gonna throw me under the bus especially if i'm doing this performative thing yeah like you know on the strength like candace owens need to pull up um then it's going to expose what it really is right which is i just want you to give me softball questions in this interview so i look good which i understand from politics why we acting like politics ain't exactly that it's performative measures like everybody's [ __ ] they just normally mass get better because like trump was one of the first ones i was like yo i'm only doing interviews with the people that [ __ ] with yeah people killed them for because they're like yo like pretend but he was saying that but then the most lit ones were the ones where he was just in front of the wolves and they were coming after him and he was clapping back right like the worst thing he did is not let them clap at him because that was entertainers and that should be so fire he would always win somehow oh yeah yeah just shut them down it's over that's a dope thing about interviews you could be like i'm out yeah and like it's not like they could be like well what do you have to do is like [ __ ] i'm president why am i even talking to you like i gotta practice yeah i guess politicians are all performative but i hate seeing the politician in you like then i know you're like when i see how full [ __ ] you are i'm off board yeah you gotta at least try to convince me barack is a politician but that [ __ ] comes across like a human being yeah that's the art [ __ ] nailing through that open gym and walking off didn't you like that about trump that he was so not a politician yeah because it didn't seem like the fraudulent this guy is so like openly petulant and all that other [ __ ] like fights everybody don't give a [ __ ] at least that's a i'm not conned by that i don't see an act i see a person being himself this [ __ ] it seems like she's acting i'm out barack didn't seem like he was acting a very different way than trump but i like that yeah but you guys just said politically the way to do it is just by doing this without saying it that would have been the political thing to do right now she's being like yo i'm only speaking to black people that's more real but again if i didn't see that little note that i read off straight off my phone and it was completely okay that i did it i wouldn't feel that way like all right whatever any of you i take questions from indians all day you know what i mean don't ask me about the farmers i'd be forgetting sometimes everything else bet let's go i don't like this like oh hey i'm only interviewing black people but then when they ask you about real issues uh i'm not talking to you about yeah i see what he's saying he's like yo you can ride for your people but if you really arrive here with people you're going to answer those questions about it yeah that's what one of the journalists said he's like don't give us little like interviews like actually implement policy to help us bang and do something i hate performing the vocalist yeah yeah a little laurie lightfoot yeah doesn't that sound like a nickname from around the way you know what i mean yo i got some fire head yesterday from who lori lightfoot little lord light foot tip toed over here bless the kid is it crazy to talk about someone like that no i mean we talk about people like that we're not saying it's her yeah i'm saying a hypothetical perspective it's not really lori lightfoot no no it's a hypothetical lori lightfoot young little neighborhood native american baby fat yeah bro that's worse but she was a fast young girl why can't you hook up a native americans [Music] what just happened huh and now i was just i thought it would be [ __ ] up but not yeah they got names like that lightfoot but i don't think we're allowed to call them by those names i mean they made up their name bro but i thought only people from their tribe came man who gives a [ __ ] yeah i hate when we do this [ __ ] like we didn't already kill him like what is this other [ __ ] extra changes [Laughter] we love y'all we appreciate y'all we're gonna see you friday for the patreon episode patreon.com flager2 uh you already know we do another episode every single week over there uh thank you so much for riding with us when we were in florida thank you so much for building a podcast when we were in florida the growth was crazy uh we got some fun stuff in store for you for the next uh in the next few weeks so uh yeah we're excited to be excited to do that and uh and we're happy to be home man we're glad to be back and uh and still and still uh excited still thriving and still enjoying life and yeah we're just grateful thank you all so much we'll see you in a few days time to let's peace

Channel: Flagrant 2

Views: 389,361

Rating: 4.849514 out of 5

Keywords: andrew schulz, andrew schultz, comedy, comedian, stand up, flagrant 2, sports, entertainment, pop culture, commentary, comedy club, near me, jokes, interviews, akaash singh, alexxmedia, alexx media, alex media, eddin, eddin media, Thankyoueddin

Id: Bo_ynb1WnP4

Length: 136min 56sec (8216 seconds)

Published: Tue Jun 01 2021

Reddit Comments

[u/yonkapin]

wow this is rough

[u/Black-Hermit]

Bro ever since Kaz left the episodes haven't really been structured but this particular one was just rambling for 2 hours

[u/Chill_Charro]

Look at Akash's hair lol. Dude is rocking the Bobs big boy cut

[u/elizarraras87]

Throw the whole episode away

[u/quarantine-23-23]

Haven’t listened since around November, but damn this was hard to listen to in my truck. Schulz was already about twice as loud as everyone else and then when he starts screaming it’s just too damn loud. Hard to turn the volume down though because akaash and Alex are so quiet