♪ Critic! ♪ ♪ Critic's excitement, ooh, Critic! ♪ ♪ He's flashy and things like that! ♪ ♪ Fashion, glitter, turning heads,
and that's really about it! ♪ ♪ Critic, he's truly, truly, truly, truly, truly, truly ♪ ♪ Truly, truly, truly, truly, truly, truly, truly, truly a critic! ♪ ♪ Critic's my name, as we clearly explained! ♪ ♪ Hey, yeah, we're in this, we're in this! ♪ ♪ Hey, yeah, we're in this! ♪ ♪ I don't care, cause I'm all those truly's I mentioned before, Critic! ♪ ♪ Critic's my name ♪ ♪ Did you get that part about me saying
Critic's my name? ♪ ♪ Critic! ♪ NC: Well, in our first cinematic motion picture that we're gonna to show to the world, yes, we're gonna use our hologram computer to disguise who we really are! Tamara: Why? NC: I don't know, but we gotta keep this life-changing technology a secret, and only use it to sing songs and
take down other competing bands. Malcolm: Oh, like the Misfits or the Stingers? NC: No, and we'll do it while supporting my 12 foster kids! Tamara: 12 foster kids? NC: I was very inspired by Brangelina. And, if we have time, maybe, just
maybe, we'll talk about movies! Malcolm: Well, what are we waiting for? Tamara: Yeah, slap that pointless music video
credit below and let's get glittering! NC: Um, cut! [bell rings] Analyst #2: Critic, we told you, you're not allowed to
say "Cut!" because you're not directing this. Analyst #1: Yes, the chart made that quite clear. NC: I just don't feel like this is what people are going to be looking for with the Nostalgia Critic theatrical release. Tamara: Yeah, this isn't really what the show is about. Analyst #2: Trust me, we worked on the Jem movie. Analyst #1: Yes, and if there's anything we've figured out, it's that people want adaptations with '80s music, Holograms, and
truly outrageous adventures. Malcolm: Are you sure that's not what they
just wanted for a Jem movie? Analyst #1: I don't understand.
Can you phrase your question in the form of a chart? Malcolm: Um... [marker scribbling] Analyst #1: I can't understand him through his accent. Analyst #2: Why don't we take a break for
all of us to collect our thoughts? Analyst #1: Good idea!
I'll calculate the probability of me relaxing. [cellphone beeping] Hah! Zero. Tamara: Does this feel right to you? NC: [sighs] I don't know. I mean, the chart says-- [loud smack] Thank you. I mean, if this is what they think the mass
audience wants, we should at least try it. Tamara: Have you seen the Jem movie? NC: Well, for the sake of this analogy to work, I'll say no. Malcolm: Why don't you watch it first? NC: The original Jem and the Holograms
was a SLIGHTLY dated 80's cartoon. Just, just slightly. It centered around a singer who led a double life using technology from a supercomputer named Synergy, to use holograms in her earrings to disguise herself. It was...it was Jem... ...which is more than I can say for the movie. The film is being quickly being regarded
as one of the worst adaptations of all time. Not only did viewers freak when they saw that the trailer virtually had nothing to do
with the original source material, but so few people saw it, that it was
pulled from theaters in literally two weeks. TWO WEEKS! That's faster than when we figured
out Saddam Hussein might be a bad guy! It was ignored by the masses, panned by the critics,
and despised by true fans of the original show. Is it worth all the hatred? Well, spike up your hair and ignore
that little voice in your head saying: "This is wrong." This is Jem and the Hologram- Tamara: Uh, we're still here. NC: So you are. Tamara: OK...yup...see you later...OK...bye...
Malcolm: Oh, OK...yeah...have a nice review. NC: -Grams. You'll notice that this movie
was made by BH Productions, known primarily for making horror films. That's so easy, I'm just gonna give you a pass on that joke, movie. But you better have tougher material for me later. We open with performer and famed Sharknado star, Aubrey Peeples, playing Jerrica, who is making a video about how she became Jem. Jerrica: "My little sister Kimber." "Now you know how some people
go online and overshare?" "Every tiny little detail of her life
is just an open e-Book for everyone to see." NC: Yeah, tell me more about how
your sister shares everything in this TWO HOUR video about how you became a star! You know what, movie? I'll let this one pass too. In fact, give me the first hit.
You can have the first hit, it's okay. [light smack] Great, now I have to be relentless on ya! She lives with her aunt, Molly Ringwald. No, really. Molly Ringwald is in this. I'll give you two seconds to let out a little cry. [short cry] Okay. Who has two foster daughters and, according to Jerrica-- Jerrica: "There's only one missing piece...my dad." NC: Because, like in all bad movies,
dead mothers don't mean shit! Jerrica: "He would call me his diamond
in the rough or...his...gem." NC (as Jerrica): "Spelled with a J.
He specifically said that every time." NC: He's working on a device called Synergy. Yep. THAT'S the supercomputer from the show. Don't blink or you'll confuse which one is which! And by the way, they never do say what he died of,
but by looking at his incredibly deteriorating health you know it just had to be broad-shoulder-itis. You know, the same that I'm sure
took her mother that doesn't exist. Jerrica: "I still feel like he's with me." NC: Oh, by the way, that's not the title. They're just reminding you that you ARE
watching Jem and the Holograms. You didn't wander into the wrong theater. Jerrica: "Now, I know what you're thinking: 'This many girls under one roof, recipe for disaster', right?" "Well, if you're thinking that, that's sexist
and you should be ashamed of yourself." NC: Yeah, they do non-sexist things like get in
arguments about what clothes to wear. Kimber: "Every time, she's in my favorite skirt!" [incoherent arguing] NC: It's almost like a 36-year-old man wrote this. Kimber: "I don't want to look like
a fashion refugee from 1985!" NC: Let's just measure the frustration every
pissed-off Jem fan must be having with, say... a really pissed-off Jem fan with
her hair serving as a mood ring. [growling] Trust me, you're going to see a lot of her. But it's okay, because they solve all their problems by humming in harmony. No, really. No matter what the issue is,
that always seems to solve everything. Aunt Bailey: "Kimber...hit a C-note." Kimber: "Seriously, Aunt Bailey?"
Aunt Bailey: "Yeah, seriously. Let's go." Kimber: (in C-major) ♪ Hooooooo ♪ Jerrica, Aja and Shana: (harmonizing) ♪ Hoooooo ♪ Shana: "I know that I messed up, and I'm sorry." "Come here." Malcolm: Critic! Tamara stabbed me
in the eye with a pen! Tamara: Well, you shouldn't have taken
the last Diet Coke! Malcolm: That was my Diet Coke! Tamara: Mine!
Malcolm: Mine! Tamara: Mine!
Malcolm: MINE!
Tamara: MINE! NC: Tamara! Hit a C-note! Tamara: What are you talking about? NC: (in C-major) ♪ Ooooooooooo... ♪ Tamara: I'm...I'm definitely not following this.
NC: ♪ Oooooooooooo ♪ Tamara: We should probably get him to a hospital. Malcolm: I may literally have seconds. [blood spilling] [blood spilling]
NC: ♪ Ooooooooooo ♪ Malcolm and Tamara: (off-key) ♪ Ooooooooooo! ♪ NC: That's more like it. Now get your cult clothes on. Malcolm and Tamara: ♪ Oooooooooo... ♪ NC: We're having Kool-Aid tonight. So they decide to do a music video just for fun, and... for some reason, think they're in a found footage movie because they literally film everything they do. ♪♪ Okay, is this film's goal to make every previous generation hate this generation? Jerrica: "How do I look?" Shana: "Truly?" Aja: "Truly, truly?" Kimber: "Outrageous!" [louder growling] NC: But they all want Jerrica to sing. Jerrica: "No... I feel uncomfortable." Kimber: "Come on, J...I need you." NC: I think you "need" her the same way
your scrambled eggs need more salt. Kind of, but can live without it... But things suddenly get forcibly serious when it looks like the house is going to be foreclosed on. I guess it looks like Molly Ringwald
doesn't make the best money choices. I mean...she's in THIS film, isn't she? Jerrica: "30 days...that's what they're giving us.
I mean, there has to be something that we can do." Aunt Bailey: "There is.
We can be strong for each other." NC (as Aunt Bailey): "If there's anything
Three Stooges media has taught me, it's that entertainment ALWAYS
saves heartfelt buildings!" So she decides to film a video, and--I'm not even kidding--she does that thing where she films the intro like, a million times... Jerrica: "I'm gonna play you a song that I wrote...[sigh] Obviously..." "Ugh..." "Oh, hey! I didn't see you there." "I need to cut this..." "Ugh!"
[click] NC: [sarcasm] Oh, she's shy! The movie's giving you permission to be an egomaniac later because we know deep down, you're really shy! And finally, she disguises herself in a wig and low lighting, calling herself Jem. Jem: ♪ Maybe I'm alone out here
And nobody's list-- ♪ NC: Christ...am I the only one waiting for a monster to pop up any minute? Jem: ♪ --I'm the only one
My voice is-- ♪ [ROAR!] NC: Eh...it wasn't so scary. [ROAR!] NC: Aaaah!! Now THAT'S scary! Jem: ♪ I'm in the dark, hiding ♪ ♪ What if I'm wrong? ♪ ♪ No, you're not alone ♪ NC: (as Shana) "Will you SHUT UP?!
WE'RE TRYING TO SLEEP!!" [click] NC: Jerrica, of course, wants to delete the video,
but her sister uploads it, and... ...literally goes viral overnight. Reporter: "All the web's been talking about is this video posted by an artist who only goes by 'Jem'". NC: Somebody on acoustic guitar,
singing about how they're alone? [sarcasm] I have never seen this online! Kimber: Every time I refresh it, it just keeps going up! NC: Even the head of a music label called Starlight
is wanting to make her a star. Starlight Agent: Jem, if you're out there...
check your inbox. NC: How do they think this works? If I make a video of myself jerking off and then post it online, is someone gonna be like-- [door opening] Malcolm (as a British gentleman):
I want to make you famous! NC: OH, HOW THEY SCOFFED! NC: [mock whining] But Jerrica is sad that she has a huge money-making opportunity laid out for her. Oh...poor friggin' baby! Aunt Bailey: "I think you have the potential
to become something so much greater." Jerrica: "The version of me that they want doesn't..." "It doesn't exist." NC: Again, I think that's what
most of the fanbase has been saying. But her aunt convinces her to talk to the agent, all while this entirely pointless YouTube video plays. [energetic drum solo] What is the purpose of this? Are they preparing a punchline drum beat when she says she wants to bring her sisters, then the agent writes... "Bye."? [rim shot] Oh, wait... I take it back.
She doesn't write "Bye", she writes... Poo. [IM beeps] NC (as Jerrica): "Sorry, I always mistype
'Driver will pick everyone up in the A.M.' with 'poo'." "Why are those two keys always together?" [door opening] Zipper: "Morning." Aunt Bailey: "Good morning!" NC: So they're picked up by a driver/bodyguard. Zipper: "My name is Zipper." [high-pitched growling] NC: And since we've got the feeling
you didn't hate the movie enough yet, here's Juliette Lewis. Erica Raymond: "Jerrica Benton!" NC: Or...is that someone in a Juliette Lewis mask? NC: No, no...that's her...that's her... She plays Erica, the owner of Starlight Studios, who's supposed to hammer in the message that big, artistic corporations are bad. A special thanks to this big, artistic corporate film
for telling us that. Erica: "Which reminds me...
Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr...all of that?" "Until further notice...NONE of it." [heads exploding] NC: Ooh, sorry... I just assumed that's what happens
when you tell a millennial that. Hard as it may seem to believe,
this movie has a clothing montage. I know! I so rarely see them, too! But if Erica's gonna turn them into the Jonas Sisters,
she has a lot of work ahead of her. But it's okay, because she has
an intern/son named Rio... [higher-pitched growling] ...who's been hired to keep an eye on them. Rio: "This is Starlight Mansion.
Your room is upstairs." [soothing music plays] Rio: "This is your room." NC: No-no...what was that slow-mo curtain thing? You're in a mansion, and you focus on them being amazed by the curtains? What's the matter with you? Kimber: "Is anyone else so tired
they can't even take their shoes off?" Aja: "I'm so tired, I can't even try my new ones ON." NC: Yeah...it's hard having people do your makeup
and try dresses on... What are you, 40? [quiet machine humming] But something goes "suck" in the night
as they hear a sound from Jerrica's bag. [whoosh!] Jerrica: "Synergy?" NC: Yeah, thanks for the reminder. I was confusing it with all the other robots
I saw in this movie. [robotic whistling] Aja: "So that's how it communicates...through music?" NC (as Aja):
"The exact opposite of what Nickelback does." NC: It's a map to Luke Skywalker!
This sucker has everything! NC: So, okay...screw the band!
Her dad has created LIFE! Obviously, they can sell this thing and make more than enough money to save the house... Kimber: "Maybe that's where your dad wants us to take Synergy next." Jerrica: "You're right." NC: Or go to the place your iTrashcan
showed you for a second. Well, this clearly makes no sense... How about another pointless YouTube video
to have it make even less sense? [scatting and tapping pencils] Yeah, they still think there's a connection somehow to what's going on in the movie and just random videos found online. Were the makers of this film just like... [glass breaking] [Windows 98 "Tada" sound] So they steal Rio's car and BRILLIANTLY film it,
because it'll look so awesome in their court hearing... ...as we cut to a security camera
showing them driving off. Okay, seriously...are you just ashamed that
professional cameras filmed your movie? Did you see Blair Witch and were like,
"D'oh, we could have half-assed it a lot more!" Get this...they go to the location and find
another piece of the robot, which gives them a clue to the location
where the next piece is. So glad Dad spent all his time devising this Easter egg hunt instead of, I don't know... keeping their future financially secure? NC: "Hey, Frank! Look! I invented the smartphone!
I'm gonna use it to cut vegetables!" [tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap] Rio: "My job is to keep an eye on you, remember?" NC: But Rio finds them,
is surprisingly not turning them in... Grand theft auto is just girls having fun! But it looks like they might be busted
because they're trespassing. Rio: "Jump."
Jerrica: "We jump?!" [splash] Rio: "Come on...you gotta jump sometime." NC: Another phrase people say
after watching this movie. [splash] Thank God the airtight perfection of a trash bag kept Synergy dry, because now he can JAM with everybody! Girls: ♪ We got heart, me and you ♪ Rio: ♪ Just waitin' 'til my strings are pulled ♪ Girls: "Go, Synergy! Go, Synergy! Whooo!" [beatboxing] NC: Do you think Synergy's proud with this role? Do you think he brings it up at family get-togethers? Synergy: [sad hum] NC: So they get ready for their first big concert... Hey, hide, Synergy! You don't want to make them money! And it just HAPPENS to be at the same place
where the next clue is. Coinkey-de-doo. Erica: "First, posture makes perfect." "Second, lean your weight on the back of your legs." "Smile, but don't make faces." "Paparazzi are not your friends." NC: Wouldn't you tell them all this a little
BEFORE they're about to step out into the spotlight? (as Erica) "Oh, by the way...you're not singing...
You're actually juggling chihuahuas." "Hiiiii!" But unfortunately, the power goes off... "Spared no expense"... ...but everyone gets out their phones and they just keep the party going 'cause they love it so much. "Yay! None of us will have batteries
to call our parents for a ride home," "but at least we can barely hear
what you're singing over everyone!" After the show, they locate yet another clue
and plug it into Synergy. NC: (as Jerrica's dad) "Jerrica, it's your father.
If you're hearing this, I've been murdered." "Don't trust your aunt!" It doesn't seem to give them any answers,
so Jem just spews out some random bullshit. Jem: "We each have a rhythm inside of us..." "A heartbeat...and it connects us all..." "So when the path you're on
allows you to hear it for the first time..." "It's like the whole world
suddenly falls into perfect harmony..." NC: (as Jem) "Uh, follow your heart...
listen to your dreams...remember to brush your teeth..." "I have other 'daily quote' emails..." NC: So everyone seems to be
in love with Jem's amazingness... At least...everyone who was still
under contract with Universal at the time... Chris Pratt: "Jem and I dated for, like, six weeks.
It was pretty serious." NC: (as Pratt) "I'm totally working it
into the title of my next film:" "Jurassic Statutory." But it looks like there's bad news on the horizon. Aunt Bailey: "Jerrica, I lost the appeal.
We just have until the end of this week." NC: (as Jerrica)
"Okay, I have a robot with consciousness." "We will be SHITTING money
if I can get it to the right people--" Oh, for God's sake! Jerrica: "Solo...contract?" Erica: "Let me turn you into an icon!" NC: ROOOOOOBOOOOOOOT!! You're really gonna sign with a person who is doing everything she can to convince you she's literally the Devil? Erica: "Otherwise, you would leave me no choice
but to replace you." [whispering] "It's exciting." [pop] NC: (as Erica) "Oh, excuse me! Those always pop up." So after signing in her legal name, I'm sure,
she clearly goes to tell her sisters about it, right? Nope! She figures, let it be a surprise!
Surely nothing BAD would come of it in the near future! Jerrica: "We were just talking about you." Shana: "Yeah, we know. We heard everything." NC: You signed a bullshit contract
that completely screws you over? You really ARE an internet star! Aja: "I'm done!" NC: They're, of course, pissed off
that she tried to save her house. But of course, they ALL should be pissed off
they're not using that damn robot! Okay, dead horse. Nevertheless, she gets dressed up as Lady Haha
and lets these background dancers do God-knows-what. Jem: ♪ Can't go back
Back to the way I was ♪ NC: "We got our training by watching monkeys do interpretive dance." "If you had that seat right in the middle of the theater, we look amazing!" "If not...we just look really awkward and confused,
but we know you're used to watching that in this movie anyway." "If not, call this number.
Together, we can heal." ♪ ["The Review Must Go On" short version] ♪ NC: So Lame Runner partakes in
all the classic rock star clichés... Throwing stuff off the desk,
looking at herself in a cracked mirror, referencing bands better than her
to make you think she's somewhat like them... Jerrica: "In July 1973, the Everly Brothers
self-destructed in front of a sold-out crowd." "It happens. Bands break up, but...
we were supposed to be different." NC: Yeah, that whole...ONE show you girls did together
really cemented your staying power! How are you supposed to be different? That's probably the FASTEST break-up
ever recorded in human history! No matter...you're late to your biggest cliché:
finding the old house you grew up in and sighing, followed by the cliché that her sister Kimber
is there at the exact same time... ...and her foster sisters... ...and Rio, too. You know, while you're at it, why don't you just bring the dead father back to meet him there, too? And how do they solve all this conflict
that's come between them in literally one day? How else? [Kimber vocalizing in B-flat] [girls harmonizing in B-flat] NC: Yup. This is literally so stupid that
even the film calls itself out on it. Rio: "Okay, that was weird..." NC: As well as lazy, contrived
and all-around unpleasant... But come on, gang!
We still have a mystery to solve! You see, they discover the entire hologram messages
in the star earrings that Jem has... [very high-pitched growling] So they have to break into Starlight Studios to get it. So rather than, oh...just walk in, because she's their biggest name and he's son of the owner, they disguise themselves to sneak inside. Shana: "Can you please take a picture?" [car door closing] NC: (as Guard #1) "Did you hear that door slam, Fred?"
(as Guard #2) "Nope." (as Guard #1): "How about that talking, Fred?"
(as Guard #2): "Nope." (as Guard #1): "Not even the trunk closing, Fred?" (as Guard #2): "Look, it's Jem and the Holograms.
I blocked out all visuals and sounds during this." (as Guard #1): "I hear ya, Fred."
(as Guard #2): "Well, if you do, you're not doing it right." NC: This leads to yet ANOTHER YouTube video
that in no way connects to anything! I don't get it! I really don't get it! Except, apprently this one has... ROB SCALLON?! Like...THAT Rob Scallon? What the hell is HE doing in this?! [drum solo] This is weird...
I'm giving him a call. [cell phone ringing] Rob Scallon: Hello? NC: Scallon! Why didn't you ever tell me
you were in Jem and the Holograms? Scallon: Look... Uh... Remember when I told you I did some movies in the past that...I wasn't very proud of? NC: Oh, my God...
I thought you were just talking about porn! Scallon: No...it's far worse... It was Jem... NC: Rob...I-I had no idea! Scallon: It was hard times... ...and I let people use me in a way that... Well... I might never feel clean again... NC: Were you at least SAFE? Scallon: Oh, yeah. I used protection. I had a lawyer look over the contract. NC: Oh, good.
You hear so many things going around... Scallon: Just know...that even though I've been through a lot... And you may never look at me
the same way again... I'm still the same man I was before! NC: Wait a minute...
Are you playing your own sad music to manipulate me? Scallon: Gotta go! [plunk] NC: So they're afraid the security cameras might spot them, but it's okay... ...because they put a video of a squirrel jetskiing on... ...AND IT ACTUALLY WORKS! Security Guard: Nolan, Robinson, check this out!
It's a squirrel! NC: What are we doing? Not in the film, or the story, just... What are we doing as a species? What kind of mental illness was going on
through the writer's mind? The only way this would be okay
is if the writer was like... NC (as Dug from Up): "And then they had to figure out how to get inside, so they used a..." "SQUIRREL!" "Anyway..." But it's okay, because they just walk past the guards
with no problem, anyway! So this entire break-in was all pointless! Security Guard: "My daughter would kill me...
if I didn't get an autograph." "You know, she says it's the new 'Let It Go'." Jem: "Really?"
Security Guard: "Yeah." "Her words, not mine."
Jem: "Thank you!--From Frozen?" Security Guard: "Yeah." NC: One of the many lies this movie's been telling you. They put the final piece in Synergy, and... Yeahhhh...you sure your dad
didn't return to this home planet? Jerrica's Dad: "When I found out how little time I had left..." "I knew I needed to leave you something..." NC (as Jerrica's dad): "Not instructions on how to patent the artificial life I created..." "...but rather a scavenger hunt that hopefully you had WAY too much time on your hands to complete!" Jerrica's Dad: "...to try to teach you the lessons
that I most wanted to pass on..." NC: (as Jerrica's dad) "Lessons on how to find
random shit and sort out simple clues..." Seriously, an episode of Scooby-Doo
could have done that! Jerrica's Dad: "I wish I could be there with you..." "And in my heart, you'll always be my gem." "I love you, Jerrica..." Jerrica: [crying] "I love you too, Dad..." NC: (as Jerrica's dad) "Oh, and tell your sister
she's cool, too, I guess..." Yeah...kinda screwing Kimber over
on all this, isn't he? This isn't just playing favorites! This is putting together a league of "Screw You!" Thankfully, Kimber wasn't in the room
when he completely forgets her existence, and Jem wraps up her quote/unquote "confession". Jerrica: "I promised to you the truth, and a confession...of who I really am." NC: Yeah...I was shocked this girl rock star was a girl rock star--wait, what am I supposed to learn? So, this TWO HOUR confession that apparently her bandmates were just listening quietly to the whole time gets deleted and is never shown to a solitary soul. Not that I don't wish everything in this film could be erased, but WHAT WAS THE POINT OF ALL THAT?! Instead, she goes on stage to pretty much
just say the exact same thing, except shorter and dressed like Data from First Contact. Jem: "Jem is anybody who has
something that they want to express..." "...and they need the courage
to let themselves be heard." NC: Yes, share that message about being yourself...
in a film that clearly has NOTHING to do with Jem! On top of that, Rio discovers his father's will... Yeah...guess he died of that fatal
just-be-dead-tosis as Jem's dad... ...and it turns out he left him the company. So Erica is out. Zipper: "Remove Ms. Raymond from the concert immediately." NC: That'll teach ya for making us famous...BITCH! So...what's the first thing he's gonna do,
now that the girls have agreed to make decisions together and always be equal? Totally rename the band without consulting them! Woman: "What would they like to call the band?" Rio: "How about 'Jem and the Holograms'?" NC: I figure it matches their flaky, see-through,
almost invisble personalities... But after the movie's credits, Erica plots her revenge and goes to a band call The Misfits... You wish. No, this is the rival band that always hated Jem. One of the few things they spontaneously out of nowhere wanted to make very similar to the cartoon. Erica: "DESTROY...JEM." Pizzazz: "Our songs are better..." "We're gonna get her..." [very high-pitched growling] [Misfits laughing] NC: Yeah, why don't you go ahead and join Azula in
Last Airbender 2... I'm sure you'll have PLENTY of time to talk about things. But even then, there's one more thing to talk about. I wanted to save it until the end,
because it's a pretty big deal. You're probably wondering, "Outside of giving us an insultingly weak story and characters, explaining how not to be a corporate sellout while being one of the biggest corporate sellouts of all time, and having virtually NOTHING to do
with the show whatsoever, how can they possibly insult the fans even further?" Well, you see...the makers of this movie actually offered the fans a chance to be in the movie. All they have to do is film themselves saying how much they love Jem the cartoon. John Chu: "Tell us what you love about Jem!" "You can even post pictures of you dressed up with her." "Whatever it is, we want to see and hear
your passion to the original Jem." NC: A good idea...get the buzz going,
maybe play it in the end credits or something... But that's not what they do. They take the footage of the fans saying
how much they love the cartoon, and they edit it to look like they're talking about
the Jem from the movie. A movie nobody had seen by that point,
and has little to do with the show they love. But now, it looks like they're praising the hell out of it. Jem Fan #1: "I struggled with my ideas of beauty..." Jem Fan #2: "She stands out in a very humble way." Jem Fan #3: "Jem inspired me!" Jem Fan #4: "I just want to say 'thank you' for that." NC: Wow! THAT is LOW! "Oh, you like the cartoon?
You think she's truly outrageous?" "Well, this is what you were talking about
the whole time!" "Yeah! Yeah! This is Jem! You said it!" Jem Fan #4: "...basically taught me that it's okay to be who you are, and not to be afraid..." Jem Fan #5: "I'm not invisible, and I have a voice..." NC: "Oh, you felt a strong emotional bond?
Well, that's not the cartoon..." "It's THIS Jem! THIS is the Jem you felt a strong emotional bond for!" This is like asking people to make videos
saying why they love Star Wars and then suddenly editing it to make it look like
you're talking about The Phantom Menace! It's not just cruel, it's a slap in the friggin' face! What makes it even funnier is how LAZY it is! Not only do they have the text of the cartoon
all over their stuff, not only are they dressed up
like the cartoon characters and not the movie... ...but YOU CAN SEE THE CARTOON
PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND! Yeah! They just left that in! It's so clear WHAT they're talking about! How AMAZINGLY LAZY can you get?! [screaming] [explosion] People...as someone that didn't watch Jem growing up
and only kinda saw it once in a while in passing, even I can say...this movie's an insult! It goes out of its way to piss you off
in every conceivable fashion. It doesn't work as a standalone film,
it doesn't work as an adaptation, the choices make NO sense, and it does everything in its power to make sure
the fans will HATE it. Look, I'm not gonna act like I enjoyed the stupid cartoon. We all had our shows that only existed to sell toys. I had mine, you had yours, and that's fine. But there's a definite audience that grew up with this. And while I know there has to be changes
when adapting the show to film, there's absolutely NO respect and NO love
for ANY of the people that grew up with it. Say what you want about Transformers,
but it HAD Transformers! This has NO Jem... ...and they're strangely PROUD of that! While I admit it is kind of funny
just what a reckless sellout it is, it does cross a sort of line
when it's taking fans of the show and manipulating their footage to represent something that they know they're gonna hate. It not only feels forced and stupid,
it just feels...wrong. And I can see now why you're trying to make MY movie look like Jem the cartoon! To win back all the fans that you lost! Analyst #1: Shut your non-studio-sanctioned
mouth, Critic! Analyst #2: Yes...we've destroyed much bigger franchises than yours. NC: Oh, yeah?
Who're ya gonna get to replace me? ♪ Tam! ♪ ♪ Tam's excitement, oooh, Tam! ♪ ♪ She's flashy and things like that ♪ ♪ Fashion, glitter-- ♪ Tamara: Hey, guys? This wig kind of itches... ♪ Malc! ♪ ♪ Malc's excitement, oooh, Malc! ♪ ♪ He's flashy and things like that... ♪ NC: Did we learn anything at all? Tamara: I hope not. ♪ ["The Review Must Go On" outro] ♪ Security Guard: "Nolan, Robinson, check this out!
It's a squirrel!" NC: Coming next week, it's
"The Cat in the Hat vs. the Grinch"! The Dr. Seuss special everybody forgets about. But you can see it now under Vessel's
Ad-Free Early Access. Just $3 a month to see tons of people's videos early,
as well as a bunch of other extra features. Check it out and get the early scoop. Doug Walker:
Hey! Doug Walker, doing the charity shout-out. This week, we are doing Direct Relief. This is a medical aid organization active in all 50 states, and in 70 countries, with a mission to improve the health and lives
of people affected by poverty or emergency situations. This is the first non-profit organization in the U.S. to be designated by the National Association of Boards of Pharmacy as a verified, accredited wholesale distributor. It's among the largest medical suppliers to West Africa
in response to the ebola epidemic, the Philippines following Typhoon Haiyan,
and Haiti after the 2010 quake. It's also earned a 100% fundraising efficiency rating from Forbes, topping Charity Navigator's 2015 list of
"The Top 10 Best Charities Everyone's Heard Of". And it's named by the Fast Company among
"The World's Most Innovative Companies for Non-Profit". These are people that do wonderful work
and share amazing stories if you go to either their site
or their YouTube page. Definitely check 'em out, show your support,
and help save the lives of so many people in trouble. The tiniest little bit can go a long way.
