Everything Wrong With Wish In 19 Minutes Or Less

Wish Upon a Star my ass Disney when do I get my wish of no logos huh when do I get my wish also it looks like the Disney Castle is perched next to a waterfall and that's just some poor planning if they want it to hold its value through the next hundred years of natural erosion in a challenging Castle Market once upon a time there was narration and reading there was a young man who believed there was nothing more important than a wish not just any wish of course the one that drives your heart call me cynical but the one wish that drove my heart as a young man was not Disney appropriate he studied the magic of the world tirelessly and became a mighty sorcerer I suppose I was naive to Hope Disney would paint a picture of a man who studied the world's magic and figured out it was all explainable through science and that the only real magic out there is the human knack for confirmation bias and a lack of critical thinking more importantly Disney I hope you're ready for the swarm of Dungeons and Dragons nerds you just pissed off because Wizards are the ones who have to learn their magic and Maybelline that whereas Sorcerers are just born with it rooll for initiative nerds he and his loyal wife found the most perfect Island deep in the Mediterranean Sea what was it Atlantis I don't think Asha is using the word deep correctly now you're done talking valentina's never done talking kids oh oh oh this is it no it can't be a coincidence the king is calling a wish ceremony on your birthday it can that's why we have a word for It Disney getsy when we play their music so get ready for a lot of me rehashing the dumb songs in this movie starting with this one Asha is singing that here in roses the greatest Creations are all on display but delivering this line as a swarm of butterflies leaves a man's head appears to be setting the bar rather low the best thing about Valentino is that he's being voiced by the always enjoyable Alan ttic other than that this goat is a dick and a liability Asha SS that in Rosas you can go to space and yet this boat is not even close to spaceworthy I don't think these kids would even survive takeoff Asha may be singing about Helms Deep but feels a hell of a lot like she's about to introduce the family magical not asking about possible food allergies before jamming random shutter autant into a visitor's mouth with your filthy animated digits so this part of the song's position explains that when you turn 18 the king takes your wish from you and keeps it safe during your compulsory ceremony and then you forget the whole thing this is a cult and if that wasn't bad enough Asha just attempted to rhyme glow with powerful do you really forget your wish once you give it you forget without regret the fact that they could be talking about my virginity or Alzheimer's why are all these baked goods uncovered is Dalia wishing for ants because this is how you grant your wish for ants my best friend the king's apprentice apprentice to the king who is also a sorcerer I see you Disney but do you see that now I just want to watch a different movie with 100% more Nicholas Cage cookies cookies not a single one of these ass hats asks if they can have a cookie yes life is so unfair and you see I shall never be king and you will never be certain if any of this movie is original or just an excuse to make a 100 Disney references in 84 minutes or less The Apprentice should always keep the fire going because the king likes his tea hot so she's not actually applying to be The Apprentice to a powerful sorcerer King at all is she's going to be aing inter some items might seem strange but why a sorcerer needs what a sorcerer needs is not your concern he's into some kinky but it's okay because he's in charge and Sh don't tell Disney baking these creepy workplace expectations right into our kids for a hundred years wow I hear the gasp and exclamation but the problem is I see nothing worthy of this reaction the book is dangerous why have it if it was so dangerous you would think the spell he used to protect it would stop a person from taking it instead of just annoying them and hopes they give up and walk away do we call that a talent magnifico just asked if drawing requires Talent how old were you when he passed 12 nothing like the killing off of a parent to shortcut your way to some character empathy I wasn't sure until now but it's officially a Disney movie my entire family our lands were destroyed by selfish greedy thieves this is one of those situations for giving us more of this backstory and hell even letting us see what happened would have helped us understand this character's motivations but if I to trust you I need to know you understand just how important they are they yes Asha he is pronoun gaming when he should have just said Wishes the name of the movie the suspense is killing no one people think wishes are just ideas but no no they are a part of your heart oh he's singing and I quote you pull me in like some kind of wind and I don't think this is how wind works this Aurora dress almost pushed us into an iMed immediate Disney Easter egg bonus round until I realized that awarding an accurate number of sins would mean identifying every single fing reference I love being accurate with the sin count so here's a nice round 101 sin mations Instead This Woman's wish was to drive a boat you mustn't be afraid to wish a little bigger darling it is my responsibility to only Grant the wishes I am sure are good for rosis so most of these wishes will never be granted I hate to side with the cult leader but doesn't King magnifico have a good point a vague wish could be disastrous and what if everyone wishes for the same thing and we end up with a Bruce Almighty apocalypse or season 7 episode 21 of the xfiles the wishes you're not going to Grant you could just give them back then I don't know the people can try to pursue them themselves or it would create resentment between people who have had their wishes granted and those who are forced to work for them I don't think Asha has really thought through the trickle down wishon namics of her plan here my Saba is good the people of Rosas are good s needed also good people can do bad it happens all the time hell yesterday I didn't recycle a coffee cup and accidentally crop dusted a group of teenagers on the bus and I only wish for one of those things why would you want me to know a wish that can never be but it's your wish Asha could quickly exclaim you wanted to play the loot real good and diffuse the situation but I guess that's a story for another time or some Asha maybe if Disney characters talked about their problems instead of singing into nature about them we'd see some actual resolution in personal growth Asha sings about how she may be young but she knows she isn't wrong wait till she hits her 30s and finds out you can be young right wrong and old all at the same time in case you hadn't realized it This song is called wish and while it's a catchy number I think we can make it more fit for purpose so I look up at the screen to guide me and throw critique to every boring scene if having seen too many films is what drives me then let me be the first to nitpick and wine so I roll credits to have something more for us than this so I roll credits to have something more for us than this scene doesn't contain it all I don't want to die can you feel that seriously why is he happy about this sudden New Dawn this could be anything from a nuke to a supernova to aing seizure at the very least it deserves some scrutiny over immediate ecstasy believe I've just been threatened this seems like a leap and it is but only because the movie hasn't put much effort into explaining the source of magnifico's paranoia while nothing seemingly all that wrong happened I still feel like this horse was just violated this is crazy we love crazy oh I'm seeing things just wait till you try eating one of the magic is chew not knowing when your magic has gone bad you always got to check the spell by date you're a star scene doesn't contain it oh I don't want to die hey thanks for not eating me John don't mention it Bambi Story Time fers Bambi came out in 1942 and Robin Hood came out in 1973 and based on the life expectancy I've assigned to fictional bears and deers there's no way these two should be alive at the same time you mean we take them back ourselves mediocre movie about magic suddenly becomes a mediocre Heist movie but if we take them isn't that stealing I mean we can't right they don't belong to him do they I'm not familiar with the legislature of roses but I would argue that since the were willingly given over that legally yes they do belong to him especially since magnifico is the one making the rules why is there nothing burning books when you're threatened you do not breathe you focus this doesn't pass out I made a wish on a star what are you five Gizmo would be excellent at cin a sits these chickens given zero about their kids I promise My Wish won't harm or affect any of you promises still feels also wasted on myself I mean Asha doesn't learn a lesson about making promises you don't know you can keep magnifico could come back at any time and that's why you're going to stall him please and thank you best friend ever teaching our kids the wonders of emotional blackmail the extent of stars magic seems to be giving life and making everything more annoying are you sure this little guy is not God hi I'm Dalia I make your magnifical cookies this shot shows that Dalia doesn't decorate both sides of her sweet treats which means she just showed him a blank cookie that's actually door and magnifico waved his hand and it just okay how about this random hand gestures aren't working what is this sorcery and how does it work a yeah it's probably sorcery now we see Star just throw magic at the door to make it open and it feels even more like all the times it's been around it could have actually been solving problems since we're asking what if we want to change our wish but if you can't remember what your wish was how would you know you'd want to change it anyone who helps the traitor anyone who lets me down you're wish will never be granted movie has done such a bad job at explaining the depth of his villainy that it's now apparently my responsibility to make it absolutely clear that magnifico is a fascist people who keep their pockets filled with likeness cookies now he's singing about the 14 wishes he granted last year and saying that this is a high percentage and there are way too many people in roses to even consider this to be true this guy is terrible enough on his own that it seems unnecessary to bring in this whole dark magic story line that makes it seem like he was mostly good until he got corrupted it makes him more of a sympathetic figure than he deserves to be and we still I think there was just an attempt to rhyme measures with tethered straight up murdering the Pez dispensers that you unnecessarily imbued with life I have just the place for us to work so he danced his ass all the way upstairs to then go down a bunch of stairs as some sort of metaphor about his descent into evil or fall from grace or bad architectural design I must have it the sorcerer was just defeated by shelving is this young y these Knights were just defeated by yarn magic yarn yes but we have no evidence that it is in any way stronger than normal yarn from one domesticated animal to another help us either this talking goat speaks horse or these horses speak English and both are nonsense we've run out of land colonialism I should never have wished thing I'm sure Disney is thinking somehow makes its way into the script I cannot swim this is totally the type of decision you want to include and make as humorous as possible in your children's movie The animator decided to hang an apple here so we know the king is an I have believed in you from the moment we met we built this Kingdom together and yet the Seedy dungeon complete with skulls cobwebs and a creepy cauldron on the blueprints didn't raise any red flags I know a talking Mouse movie knows the talking animal gag is becoming overused but does it anyway I have an important message for you you once said generosity is the true essence of Rosas I can see your fear but Rosas needs your help now love Asha you are in a time of Crisis and this is the message you send what the heck does that even mean reduce taxes what the mean cake how about a little specificity Asha it's a dead end a dead end with unsanded mahogany isn't it great when Disney creates resourceful creative and determined characters and then F all that out the window in favor of dumb luck if you're looking for a baffling way to phrase a fight song then you're going to love it when Asha sings if we don't fight he knows he wins not allowed knowing what I know now it's a powerfully profound nonsense iCal words cool the children of the Revolution won't be fooled again but instead of trying to overthrow the king can't you just leave wouldn't the more powerful message be that no one can steal your wish from you and that's what strips the king of his power damn it I should write for Disney to be clear I should not also magnifico is the worst but up until today this whole group thought he was the best so it's taken maybe a few hours at most for them to go from being perfectly content about life to let's start a mother Revolution are we seriously around with a shadow puppet play or is there some actual planning Happening Here not knowing that doing a rendition of Stomp is a terrible way to keep your hidden hidey-hole hidden the queen sings about seeing too many bad things that she can't keep count I'm wondering why we've seen so few bad things that it's hard to account for how pissed off everyone is right now then star needs to leave like right now no no if anyone's leaving it's going to be you the humor gain from goat boy saying this gets crushed under the awkwardness of no one acknowledging it Fantasy Land in the sky huh how about Neverland I see what you did there Disney but does magnifico see what he did there does he know Neverland is an actual thing because that's the only way this pun makes sense and raises a lot more questions also it's weird how some of the wishes are practical and some involve breaking the laws of physics and maybe even reality movie clearly understands that not all wishes are the same and their ability to be fulfilled and some are not even safe so even though magnifico may be misguided by his hunger for power and evil magic he wasn't completely wrong and the movie doesn't go far enough to show how my childhood wished to have chainsaws for hands was a terrible idea and would not have been good for anyone including myself for no other reason than it would have been impossible to wipe properly the perfect nanny for your horrible children popping this one I hope one of these bubbles has planes in it while the spinal injuries involved are I'm sure hilarious did they all have to come up at the same time couldn't they have sung one less song and use that time to make a couple extra trips what do I do with this apparently he just hoped that King magnifo walks under a tree at the perfect time to be squished by a giant fruit this seems oddly specific and not entirely helpful this is it everyone first we open the roof wait how the what the why the would the roof be openable if magnifico designed this place and knew this is where the wishes were going to be kept why would he give it a removable roof the queen said we need to look for giant pulleys Wait Another Minute how the double what the why the does the sorcerer need pulley he uses magic to open the secret wish room but pulley to operate the Skylight that shouldn't even be there did he deliberately designed his place to be [Music] heisted all available evidence suggest that star is not on your side Asha this reads like a recipe book for the foul and the Savage not specifying land foul or water [Music] foul I don't get you at all Asha would be excellent sorcery sense it won't move probably because the magical creature from the galactic Heavens is for some reason using Brute Force to help you pull the Rope instead of magic and not even using both knobs no one can bring him back from this Embrace forbidden magic just once and you commit to it for eternity oh okay so we're going to believe everything we read in the evil book and not even try because no one has ever committed a lie to posterity before like I always say believe everything you read or see on social media well it's not falling if you jump it is they really just vented all the wishes into the air not knowing for sure if they would find their way back to the rightful owner or just float away like helium balloon didn't they are those our wishes must be the wishes are free I cannot stress this enough enough why would the king have designed an openable roof for his Fortress of wish itude it doesn't matter you're too late magnificos never too late so if magnifico knew this was a distraction and sent Simon to hunt Asha instead where the has he been in the meantime and why would he allow the wishes to be released this this really the best time to be washing his tights you really think you can take me down thanks John Oh Brother Bear when the did you have time to arrange this exm I would have given all the sins back if the movie just went full the Revenant how's the whole taking your wish into your own hands working out for you oh wait I don't actually care congrats on officially summing up my feelings about any and all of this mirrors mirrors on the wall none of these are mirrors they're jumbotrons at best you really need to learn to give up you really need to learn to stop doing the most basic villain ever you know it's really hard to respect a villain that can be defeated by a wire stop the sorcerer Supreme's best defense against hope is a big toxic fart spell wait why would the evil magic staff react to random singing by trapping its owner listen you can say it's magic all you like but you should really be blaming Aladdin's logic puzzle trapping Jafar for setting the sorcerer defeating bar too hot so are we happy or upset that there wasn't still good in him feels like the story is trying to present a nuanced view of Good and Evil in an absolutist view of Good and Evil at the same time didn't he eat this Trio's wishes I feel like these are about as likely to come back is the cheeseburger I had for lunch and if that did come back I wouldn't be excited about it oh I see they're not even going to attempt democracy this is more than I could have ever dreamed possible good thing the movie isn't named dream oh star how can we ever thank you that's easy just keep wishing that wasn't the moral of the story at all the whole point is that the magic of wishing is in the beauty of pursuing those wishes yourself you know the destination is the journey and right please tell me the moral wasn't just wishing for more wishes this movie is so generic and dull that I will H to refer to it for all time as a star is boor 100 Years of Disney in the credits oh I get it Sabino turned 100 and so did Disney it's all a realization of his wish not magnificos for a second I thought this story was a metaphor for Walt and his nazish tendencies that was the worst birthday I think I ever had valentina's never done talking if only we could understand you English do you speak it come on they' just been asking me to do all kinds of stuff Gizmo get the dildos Gizmo try out Theos M how are the dildos Captain's Log start at 22 63.2 to all your questions there's one very simple answer which is take too many drugs you yourself say forbidden magic is not the way this is the way I make my that wish I wish to be an all powerful Genie from one domesticated animal to another I still got what I wanted I'm the magic man now yeah I know okay so get ready for some tricks up these sleeves all [Music] right bub my bubbles phenomenal Cosmic powers it B living shovel guitar shovel guitar somebody wants to play a shovel guitar Les's been playing shovel guitar for about an hour now

Channel: CinemaSins

Views: 458,974

Keywords: wave jockey job, cinemasins, cinema sins, everything wrong with, eww, movie, review, movie review, disney, animated, wish, chris pine

Id: bUWQC0n2nqo

Length: 19min 47sec (1187 seconds)

Published: Tue Apr 09 2024