>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,
EVERYBODY! FOLKS-- THANKS EVERYBODY. FOLKS, I GOTTA TELL YOU, YOU ARE
IN FOR A REAL TREAT TONIGHT, BECAUSE THE EVER-FASCINATING AND
EVER-FASCINATED JEFF GOLDBLUM IS GOING TO TAKE THE COLBERT
QUESTIONERT. <i> ( APPLAUSE )</i>
NOW, AS YOU ALL KNOW, THE COLBERT QUESTIONERT IS "THE LATE
SHOW'S" SCIENTIF-ISH WAY OF DISTILLING EVERYTHING WORTH
KNOWING ABOUT A CELEBRITY DOWN TO 15 SIMPLE QUESTIONS. AND I HAD THE PRIVILEGE OF
ADMINISTERING THE COLBERT QUESTIONERT TO MR. GOLDBLUM WHEN
HE STOPPED BY IN EARLY NOVEMBER. HOWEVER, BECAUSE HE TAKES SO
MANY PAUSES IN BETWEEN WORDS, WE DIDN'T ACTUALLY FINISH UNTIL
THIS AFTERNOON. SO, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IT'S
TIME TO TRULY KNOW JEFF GOLDBLUM. ♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: JEFF, LISTEN, YOU KNOW I LOVE HAVING YOU ON. EVERY TIME YOU'RE ON HERE IT'S A
DELIGHT. I FEEL ENERGIZED, LIKE I HOOKED
UP MY BATTERY CABLES TO YOU. AS MUCH AS I HAVE ENJOYED
TALKING TO YOU-- WE HAVE DONE IT QUITE A FEW TIMES OVER THE
YEARS-- IT'S HARD TO GET TO KNOW SOMEBODY OVER THIS SHORT PERIOD
OF TIME. IT'S HARD TO PLUMB THE DEPTHS OF
SOMEONE ELSE'S SOUL IN 10 TO 12 MINUTES, HOWEVER MUCH TIME WE
HAVE. >> I KNOW. >> Stephen: I HAVE 15
QUESTIONS HERE AND IF YOU'RE WILLING TO ANSWER THEM-- AND I
WANT YOU TO THINK SERIOUSLY ABOUT THIS-- IF YOU'RE WILLING
TO ANSWER THEM AT THE END OF THESE QUESTIONS YOU'RE WILLING
TO BE KNOWN-- DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT-- WILLING TO BE KNOWN, LAID
BARE, UNDER THE GOLDEN SUN? >> YES<i>
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).</i> >> Stephen: HERE WE GO. QUESTION NUMBER ONE, ARE YOU
READY? >> YES, I AM. >> Stephen: JEFF GOLDBLUM,
WHAT IS THE BEST SANDWICH? >> THE BEST SA SANDWICH-- THIS M
SOUND LIKE BRAGGING, AND SORRY, BECAUSE I AM BRAGGING, I WAS
INVITED ONCE IN MILAN IN ITALY FOR A FASHION SHOW. AND I WAS SEATED BETWEEN CLAUDIA
CARDINALE, AND SOFIA LOREN. >> Stephen: WOW, THAT IS A
NICE NEIGHBORHOOD. >> IN ORDER I WAS-- I WAS
SANDWICHED BETWEEN THEM. <i> ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )</i> >> Stephen: THAT'S OUR SHOW. DRIVE SAFELY. PLEASE DRINK RESPONSIBLY. >> DRINK RESPONSIBLY. >> Stephen: WHAT IS THE ONE
THING YOU OWN, JEFF GOLDBLUM, THAT YOU SHOULD REALLY THROW
OUT? >> GOOD QUESTION. WELL, I'LL TELL YOU, NOW THAT
YOU'VE BROUGHT IT UP, YOU KNOW, I'M THE KIND OF PERSON IF YOU
REALLY WANT TO GET TO KNOW ME, I'M A MINIMALIST. AND SINCE I WAS A KID-- THIS IS
TRUE-- I HAD A YEN TO ELIMINATE THINGS. SO I LIKE TO THROW THINGS OUT. I LOVE IT. I LIKE TO RECYCLE THINGS. I LIKE TO GET RID OF THINGS. >> Stephen: WHAT'S ON THE
BUBBLE RIGHT NOW? WHAT'S-- WHAT'S-- WHAT IS NOT
LONG FOR THIS WORLD? >> HAVING SAID THAT, I JUST--
I'VE GOT IN MY CLOSET... FOUR PAIR OF PANTS THAT I'M THINKING
OF, AND I JUST-- THE DAY I FLEW HERE-- WAS IT YESTERDAY? IT WAS YESTERDAY-- THEY WENT TO
A STORE AND I BOUGHT ONE NEW PAIR OF PANT THEY REALLY AM KIND
OF IN LOVE WITH THAT WILL REPLACE THOSE FOUR-- DID I JUST
SPIT ON YOU? I'M SORRY. >> Stephen: THAT'S ALL RIGHT. >> THERE IT IS, IT'S RIGHT
THERE. >> Stephen: THERE YOU GO. >> SEND THAT TO THE LAB. SO THIS ONE PAIR OF PANT IS
GOING TO REPLACE THOSE FOUR AND THOSE FOUR ARE HEADED OUT AS
SOON AS I GET HOME. AND THEY'LL BE RECYCLED. >> Stephen: DO THEY KNOW? DO THEY KNOW? >> THEY'RE PANTS, THEY DON'T
KNOW. THEY-- THEY --
>> Stephen: THEY KNOW. YOU DON'T PERSONIFY OBJECTS? I HAVE TROUBLE THROWING THINGS
AWAY BECAUSE AS I GO TO THROW IT IN THE TRASH CAN IS GOES, "WHY?"
>> REALLY? >> Stephen: AND I GO, "LET,s
YOU CAN STAY IN MY CLOSET A LITTLE LONGER." >> I THOUGHT MY SECOND CAREER
WOULD BE TO GO TO PEOPLE'S HOUSES AND HAVE THEM GET RID OF
STUFF. >> Stephen: HOW FUN WOULD IT
BE TO SHOOT A PIECE WHERE JEFF GOLDBLUM COMES TO MY CLOSET AND
TELLS ME WHAT I CAN SAVE AND WHAT GETS THROWN OUT. >> DID YOU READ THAT BOOK, THAT
TIDING UP BOOK? >> Stephen: SURE, SURE, WE HAD
HER ON, MARIE KONDO. >> I'M ALL INTO IT. TIDY UP. TIDY UP. >> Stephen: WHAT'S THE
SCARIEST ANIMAL? >> THE SCARIEST ANIMAL, TREST,
VELOCIRAPTOR, OR THE HOUSE FLY. <i> ( APPLAUSE ).</i> >> Stephen: THE GAMUT. THE GAMUT. OKAY, APPLES OR ORANGES. >> OR THE HUMAN ANIMAL. >> Stephen: DEEP. >> DEEP. >> Stephen: APPLES OR ORANGES? >> INTERESTING QUESTION. THE CORRECT ANSWER... <i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
BECAUSE YOU CAN SPREAD PEANUT BUTTER, OR ANY NUT BUTTER--
ALMOND BUTTER, ANY NUT BUTTER ON IT, IS BANANA. IS BANANA BUT THE REAL ANSWER IS
THEY'RE EQUALLY GOOD. I'M GOING TO SEND YOU A CASE OF
PINK LADY APPLES AND NAVEL ORANGES AND YOU'LL SEE HOW
THEY'RE-- WHEN TOGETHER -- >> Stephen: ARE YOU ACTUALLY
GOING TO DO THIS, OR IS THAT A SHOW BIZ "I'M GOING TO SEND YOU
THINGS." >> I'LL SEND IT TO YOU. >> Stephen: I'M NOT FORCING
YOU. I'M JUST ASKING YOU. I HAVE MY OWN APPLES AND
ORANGES. I MAKE A FINE LIVING. I DON'T NEED YOUR FRUIT, JEFF. >> MY WORD IS MY W WARD BOND IF
YOU EVER SAW "THE SEARCHERS," HE'S IN THE "SEARCHERS," LOVELY
ACTOR. >> Stephen: HAVE YOU EVER
ASKED SOMEONE FOR THEIR AUTOGRAPH. >> YES, I WOULD LIKE YOUR
AUTOGRAPH. DO YOU REMEMBER BRUNO KIRBY. WE WERE PALS. WE WENT TO SEE MUHAMMAD ALI ON
CLOSED CIRCET -- >> Stephen: DID YOU GO TO THE
RUMBLE IN THE JUNGLE? YOU SAID WENT TO SEE MUHAMMAD
ALI IN ZAIRE ON CLOSED CIRCUIT. >> HE WAS IN ZAIRE. YOU WERE NOT. >> I WAS AT THE THEATER IN
CLOSED CIRCUIT. I THOUGHT I MADE THAT CLEAR. BUT-- BUT I LATER MET HU MUHAMMA
AL. >> AND I SAID, "CHAMP, I LOVE
YOU, I HAVE LOVED YOU FOR MY WHOLE LIFE." AND HE SAID, "YOU SCARED ME." I SAW 'THE FLY. '. HE SAID, "WHERE DO YOU LIVE. SOME DAY I MIGHT COME TO YOUR
DOOR AND KNOCK. WHEN BRUNO TURNED 30 SENT A
BOXING GLOVE TO THE CHAMP AND SAID, "CAN YOU KEEP ON
PUNCHING?" HE SENT IT BACK AND IT SAID,
"KEEP ON PUSHING." I THINK HE UPGRADED IT. PUSHING IS MORE-- PUSHING THE
ENVELOPE, I THINK HE MUST HAVE MEANT, IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN --
>> Stephen: I AGREE. I'M SURE THAT'S WHAT HE MEANT. >> THAT'S MY ANSWER
>> STEPHEN: WHEN WE COME BACK, JEFF GOLDBLUM LISTS HIS 25
FAVORITE ACTION MOVIES. STICK AROUND. ♪ ♪ ♪<i>
( APPLAUSE )</i>
