>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY.
WELCOME BACK. RADIO OVER THERE IS ETHAN HAWKE,
I ALWAYS LIKE WHEN YOU DOM ON THE SHOW, ARE YOU BOTH AN ACTOR
AND A MOVIE STAR WHO SHARES OF HIMSELF IN INTIMATE WAYS THAT
NOT EVERYBODY IS WILLING TO DO WHEN THEY'RE ON PANEL.
ARE YOU COMFORTABLE SHARING YOURSELF WITH THE PUBLIC?
>> IT IS EASIER SSES JUST TO BE HONEST?
>> JUST TO TELL THE TRUTH AND LET'S JUST GO WITH IT.
>> Stephen: ONE OF THE THINGS I SUSPECT-- RESPECT ABOUT YOU.
FOR AS MUCH AS YOU HAVE DONE THAT, FOR AS MUCH AS YOU HAVE
DONE, THAT WE NEVER TALKED FOR MORE THAN SAY 12 TO 15 MINUTES
AT A POP AND ST HARD FOR ME TO TROWLY PLOM THE DEPTHS OF
ANYONE, EVEN SOMEONE AS GOOD AS MI.
>> ARE YOU SMARTS. >> Stephen: PLUMB THE DEPTHS
OF COMEDY AT ANY LEVEL, PUT MY DIP STICK IN AND SEE HOW MUCH
OIL. >> I'M GETTING UNCOMFORTABLE.
>> Stephen: THAT IS WHAT I MEAN, SHARING OF YOURSELF, THAT
IS UNCOMFORTABLE. HERE IS THE THING, YOU CAN SAY
NO IF YOU WANT TO WE HERE AT LATE SHOW LABS HAVE COME UP WITH
SOMETHING CALLED THE COLBERT QUESTIONERT.
ST A SERIES OF QUESTIONS THAT HAVE BEEN CALIBRATED TO
AEROSPACE TOLERANCES TO PENETRATE THE ARMOR AND THE
PROTECTIVE PSYCHIC SHELL THAT PEOPLE KEEP AROUND THEMSELVES SO
THEY WILL NOT BE KNOWN. IT IS A TRUTH-SEEKING MISSILE
THAT FINDS OUT THE TRUE HEART OF SOMEONE.
ARE YOU WILLING RIGHT NOW IN FRONT OF AMERICA, GOD AND
EVERYTHING TO TAKE THE COLBERT QUESTIONERT?
>> YOU'RE GOING TO BREAK MY MASK.
>> Stephen: LET'S SEE. >> I'M READY, WILLING AND ABLE.
>> Stephen: BRAVE MAN, BRAVE MAN.
ETHAN HAWKE, THIS IS THE COLBERT QUESTIONERT, HERE WE GO, FIRST
QUESTION. WHAT IS THE BEST SANDWICH?
>> THE BEST-- GRANDMA BETTY MADE A MEAN PB & J.
>> Stephen: KEEP IT SIMPLE. NOW OKAY.
SO ARE WE TALKING SMOOTHER CRUNCHY.
>> I WANT SMOOTH BUT I USE GOT CRUNCHY.
>> Stephen: GRAD MA WAS RADICAL, WHAT KIND OF JELLY,
GRAPES STRAWBERRY. >> STRAWBERRY.
MY MOM GAVE ME THE HEALTHY PEANUT BUTTER, THE KIND YOU
STIR. BUT GRAND MA WOULD GET THE GOOD
STUFF. >> Stephen: WHAT IS ONE THING
YOU OWN THAT YOU SHOULD REALLY THROW OUT?
>> ONE THING I OWN THAT I-- 97% OF THE CLOTHES THAT I OWN, 97%
OF THE CLOTHES I OWN I BOUGHT IN 1-9D 92.
LIKE THIS SUIT IS NOT MINE, OKAY.
I LIKE IT AND I WISH IT WERE MINE BUT I JUST KEEP WEARING
CLOTHES FROM THE 90 ITSEE LIKE I'M STUCK IN FOR MALD HIDE,.
>> Stephen: HEUER WHAT IS THE SCARIEST ANIMAL?
>> DO INSIGNATURES COUNT. >> Stephen: YES.
>> A TICK, I HATE TICKS. >> Stephen: YOU HAVE FOUND A
TICK ON YOURSELF LATELY? >> I FEEL LIKE THAT WILL MAKE ME
UNRAVE IF I ANSWER AND PEOPLE WON'T LIKE ME.
YES. >> Stephen: THAT SOUNDS LIKE
YOU HAVE. >> YES, I HAVE, I FOUND ONE ON
MY STOMACH AND ON MY UNDERARM. >> Stephen: YES CONDITIONS IT
FREAKS ME OUT, I DON'T LIKE TICKS.
>> Stephen: NO, WHO DOES. >> BUT I'M OKAY.
I'M GOING TO BE OKAY. >> Stephen: OKAY.
YOU GOT TO FES. >> I PUT THE SUCKER IN TAPE, YOU
PUT IT ON TAPE SO IF IT STARTS TO RING UP OR GET WEIRD YOU CAN
TAKE IT TO THE DOCTOR AND THEY CAN TELL YOU HOW POISON US OR
RANCID IT IS, I HATE TICKS. >> Stephen: GLAD TO KNOW, THIS
IS INFORMATIVE. >> SEE.
>> Stephen: APPLES OR ORANGES? >> APPLES OR ORANGES.
I LIKE APPLE PIE SO GOT TO GO WITH APPLES.
>> Stephen: WELL DONE. HAVE YOU EVER ASKED SOMEONE FOR
THEIR AUTO GRAPH. >> YEAH.
>> Stephen: WHO? >> I ASKED KRIS KRISTOFFERSON.
>> Stephen: WOW. AND DID YOU GET IT?
>> I GOT IT. I HAD, AN OLD LP OF SILVER
TONGUE DEVIL AND HE WROTE TO ETHAN, RESPECT, KRIS.
AND I GOT IT FRAMED ON MY WALL. >> Stephen: WOW.
RHODES SCHOLAR. >> RHODES SCHOLAR.
>> Stephen: ETHAN HAWKE WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPENS WHEN WE
DIE? >> YOU READY?
I DON'T THINK WE DIE. I DON'T THINK THAT WE HAVE AN
UNDERSTANDING OF THE DIVINE CONCEPT OF TIME.
I DON'T STHI WE'RE ANY MORE CAPABLE OF UNDERSTANDING A CLOCK
THAN A DOG. AND I THINK SOMETHING MUCH
BIGGER IS GOING ON THAN WE ARE AWARE OF IN OUR DAY TO DAY
ROUTINE. I DON'T THINK HAVE I THE
INTELLIGENCE OR THE DNA MAKEUP TO ANSWER THIS QUESTION.
>> Stephen: FAVORITE ACTION MOVIE.
>> DIEHARD. >> Stephen: DIEHARD.
>> Stephen: WHILE I GOT YOU, WHILE I GOT YOU ON THE DIEHARD,
IS DIEHARD A CHRISTMAS MOVIE? >> YES, SURE, YES, YES, BEST
ONE. >> Stephen: LEGALLY HAVE I TO
FOLLOW UP WITH THAT ONE. >> I MEAN DIEHARD, YOU KNOW,
IT'S JUST SO PERFECT IT IS JUST A GREAT FILM.
>> Stephen: WINDOW OR AISLE. >> I'M A NAPPER SO I NEED TO BE
BY THE WINDOW. >> Stephen: OKAY.
DOES THIS OR YOU DON'T WANT PEOPLE TO GET UP TO GO TO THE
BATHROOM. >> NO, THAT DOESN'T BOTHER ME,
LITERALLY SINCE I WAS A KID, ME PUT ME IN A CAR, I FALL ASLEEP,
PUT ME IN THE PLANE, I FALL ASLEEP.
AND IF I AM IN THE AISLE, THEY MY HEAD, THEY KICK MY LEG, SIR,
PUT YOUR LEG BACK N I'M SLEEPING AND THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND DID I
JUST REVEAL TOO MUCH. >> Stephen: NO, JUST ENOUGH.
FAVORITE SMELL. >> MY WIFE.
THAT MAKES IT SOUND CORNY BUT YOU KNOW THAT IS MY FAVORITE
SMELL. >> Stephen: LEAST FAVORITE
SMELL. >> MYSELF.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK BUT WE'LL BE RIGHT
BACK WITH MORE MR. ETHAN HAWKE, EVERYBODY.
STICK AROUND.
