>>> BROUGHT TO YOU MSNBC.
NOW THAT THE MUELLER REPORT TURNED OUT TO BE A BIG FAT ZEER.
RIGHT NOW IT'S LOCKUP, CHINO CORRECTION FACILITY.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> GOOD LUCK IN THERE.
AND, HEY, HAVE FUN. >> YEAH, THANKS.
I REALLY APPRECIATE THAT. >> WHAT YOU IN HERE FOR?
>> LITTLE ARMED ROBBERY. AIN'T GOING TO STICK.
HOW ABOUT YOU, LITTLEMAN? >> WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST
SAY? >> HEY, BOTH OF YOU ALL SIT
DOWN. >> I'M IN HERE FOR ASSAULT,
BITCH. YOU WANT A REENACTMENT.
>> HEY. WHAT ABOUT YOU, OLD MAN?
>> OLD MAN? SON, I'M THE CRAZIEST DUDE IN
HERE. STABBED MY NEIGHBORHOOD TO DEATH
AND THEN ATE HIS FINGERS SO THEY COULDN'T I.D. THE BODY.
>> DAMN, THAT'S INSANE. >> OH, YEAH?
YOU THINK THAT'S INSANE? I PAID 500 GRAND TO GET MY
DAUGHTER INTO USC. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> WAIT, WHAT? >> YOU HEARD ME.
I PAID 500 GRAND TO A WOMEN'S CREW COACH TO SAY MY DAUGHTER
WAS GOOD AT ROWING. I'M LOCO.
>> HOLD UP. YOU PAID 500 GRAND FOR USC?
>> OH, YEAH. AND THAT'S NOT INCLUDING THE 300
GRAND I BLEW ON TUITION. >> OH, MY GOD.
WHAT DID YOUR DAUGHTER MAJOR IN? >> COMMUNICATIONS.
YEAH. AND YOU KNOW WHAT HER JOB IS
NOW? SHE'S AN INFLUENCER ON
INSTAGRAM. >> STOP IT.
I CAN'T HEAR ANYMORE. GUARDS, GET HER AWAY FROM ME!
>> HEY, I OWN THE GUARDS IN HERE.
I HELPED THEIR KIDS GET INTO A REALLY COMPETITIVE PRE-K.
>> WAIT A SECOND. ARE YOU AUNT BECKY?
>> SAY THAT AGAIN. >> ALL RIGHT.
I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY.
IS IT LORI? DO I CALL YOU LORI?
>> NO, NO. I HAVE A NEW NAME NOW.
>> BROTHER BECKY. >> YES, BROTHER WALLACE.
>> YOU FORGOT YOUR KUFI? >> I DID.
WELL, TO QUOTE STEPHANIE TANNER, HOW RUDE.
>> WAIT. SO YOU'RE IN THE NATION OF ISLAM
NOW? >> THAT'S RIGHT.
I BOUGHT MY WAY IN FOR 100 GRAND.
PLUS ANOTHER 100 FOR THEM TO STOP CALLING ME THE WHITE DEVIL.
>> YOU WON'T SURVIVE IN HERE MORE THAN A WEEK?
>> OH, REALLY? YOU THINK PRISON IS HARD.
I HAVE DONE 68 HALLMARK MOVIES. I'VE SEEN HELL, MAN.
AND IN HALF THOSE HALLMARK MOVIES, I MARRY SANTA'S SON, SO
I HAVE LOST ALL SENSE OF REALITY.
I'M GOING TO TAKE YOUR HEART, AND I'M GOING TO CUT IT OUT.
>> DAMN, YO, I THINK BEING ON A SITCOM FOR 12 YEARS DROVE HER
CRAZY. >> DID SOMEBODY SAY CRAZY?
>> MICHAEL AVENATTI? >> OH, YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT, BABY.
>> WAIT. HOW DO YOU KNOW THIS FOOL?
>> WELL, I WATCH A LOT OF MORNING JOE.
I'M TEAM MIKA. >> YOU'RE A LAWYER.
WHAT ARE YOU IN HERE FOR? SPEEDING TICKETS?
>> SPEEDING TICKETS? BITCH, I'M ACCUSED OF CRIMES YOU
CAN'T EVEN CONCEIVE OF, LIKE BLACKMAILING A SNEAKER COMPANY
AND STEALING TAXES FROM A COFFEE SHOP TO FUND A RACE CAR TEAM.
AND I'M SO SHADY THAT A PORN STAR ONCE SAID THAT SHE NEEDED
TO DISTANCE HERSELF FROM ME. AND YOU KNOW WHAT THE WORST PART
IS? I MIGHT STILL RUN FOR PRESIDENT.
AVENATTI/BALDWIN 2020. >> OKAY, HE WINS.
HE'S THE CRAZIEST. >> IS HE, THOUGH?
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> YO, IS THAT JULIAN ASSANGE?
>> YEAH. >> OH, THAT MAKES SENSE.
I WAS GOING TO SAY SANTA'S BACK ON CRACK.
>> THAT'S RIGHT. IT'S ME.
I'M THE ARCHITECT OF ANARCHY. I'M THE KING OF CHAOS.
I'M THE SCOURGE OF THE CLEANING STAFF AT THE ECUADORIAN EMBASSY.
>> YEAH? WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?
OLD MAN DOESN'T LOOK SO TOUGH. >> YOU WANT TO THROW DOWN,
AMIGO? YOU WANT TO?
I HOPE YOU'RE PROUD OF EVERY SINGLE PHOTO IN YOUR iPOD
BECAUSE, BOOM, ALL YOUR DING DONG PICS JUST WENT ON THE
INTERNET. >> YEAH, RIGHT.
>> YEAH, YEAH. HEY, YOU REMEMBER THAT NOTES
FOLDER YOU HAD? WHAT WAS THAT CALLED?
IDEAS FOR SHARK TANK. >> HOW DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT?
>> I KNOW EVERYTHING, BABY. >> BUT MY PASS WORD HAS LETTERS
AND NUMBERS. >> NOW, YOU SONS OF BITCHES WANT
TO HEAR HOW CRAZY I AM? HERE'S HOW CRAZY I AM.
I'M WANTED IN THE U.S. AND SWEDEN.
I'M FROM AUSTRALIA. I LIVE IN LONDON, IN ECUADOR.
YOU TRY FIGURING THAT ONE OUT. YEAH, YOU CHEAT YOUR SCHOOLS
AND, YOU KNOW, YOU ROB YOUR COMPANIES.
THAT'S CUTE. IT IS, YEAH.
I'VE ATTACKED THE U.S. MILITARY, BITCHES, BECAUSE I'M AN ACTUAL
JAMES BOND SUPER VILLAIN AND I'M ONE STEP AWAY FROM DESTROYING
THE GODDAMN MOON. SO YOU WANT TO GET NUTS?
COME ON, LET'S GET NUTS. >> OKAY.
HE WINS. I YIELD MY TIME.
>> THANK YOU. IS THERE A BATHROOM AROUND HERE
BECAUSE I REALLY HAVE TO TAKE A WIKILEAK.
>> YEAH, IT'S OVER THERE IN THE CORNER.
>> YEAH, BUT WATCH OUT FOR THAT DUDE, MAN, BECAUSE HE MUST BE IN
HERE FOR SOMETHING CRAZY. >> YOU MEAN TAKASHI SIX NINE.
YOU IN HERE FOR SOMETHING CRAZY? >> NO, JUST ROBBERY AND GUN
STUFF. IT'S SO BAD.
>> WE MAY BOTH REGRET THIS, BUT TAKASHI, DO YOU NEED A LAWYER?
>> SEE, PRISON'S FUN. >> LIVE FROM NEW YORK IT'S
SATURDAY NIGHT!
