[ LAUGHTER ]
>>> SENATOR COLLINS, THANK YOU FOR MEETING ME BACK IN THE
CHAMBER TONIGHT. I WANTED TO SEE WHAT YOU THOUGHT
OF THE DEMOCRATS CASE? >> WELL, I WAS UPSET THAT ADAM
SCHIFF SAID REPUBLICANS ARE AFRAID OF STANDING UP TO THE
PRESIDENT, BECAUSE IF TRUMP EVER TRIED TO INTIMIDATE SUSAN
COLLINS, I'D WALK RIGHT UP TO HIM AND SAY, YOU DON'T DEFEND --
I LOVE YOU. >> WELL, WE ALL KNOW THIS
IMPEACHMENT PROCEEDING IS A SHAM AND A HOAX.
REPUBLICANS ARE SIMPLY REQUESTING A FAIR TRIAL, NO
WITNESSES, NO EVIDENCE. THAT WAY WE CAN ACQUIT PRESIDENT
TRUMP AND FOCUS ON THE REAL PROBLEM IN THIS COUNTRY,
TEENAGERS WHO TRY MARIJUANA. >> I'M STILL ON THE FENCE.
>> DON'T WORRY, OUR STAR DEFENSE ATTORNEY IS PRESENTING HIS CASE
ON MONDAY. HE'S HERE RIGHT NOW TO PRESENT
HIS ARGUMENTS. MR. DERSHOWITZ, YOU WANT TO GET
IN HERE? >> HELLO, HELLO.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> HELLO, HELLO.
JEALOUS? [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> YES, HELLO, EVERYONE, IT'S I, ALAN DERSHOWITZ.
IT'S WONDERFUL TO BE HERE. BECAUSE I'M NOT WELCOME ANYWHERE
ELSE. A LOT OF HATERS OUT THERE, FOR
NO GOOD REASON. BUT LIKE I SAID TO MY CLIENT AND
MY DEAR FRIEND JEFFREY EPSTEIN. HATERS GONNA HATE.
>> YEAH, ALAN, I THINK YOU'RE GOING TO WANT TO STAY AWAY FROM
EPSTEIN. >> OH, RIGHT, GOOD POINT.
LET ME TRY AGAIN. NOW, MEMBERS OF THE SENATE,
PRESIDENT TRUMP IS A LOT LIKE ANOTHER CLIENT OF MINE, SIR O.J.
SIMPSON. >> ALAN.
>> YES? >> COULD YOU NOT MENTION YOUR
PREVIOUS CLIENTS IN CONNECTION WITH THE PRESIDENT, IT'S NOT A
GREAT LOOK. >> OH, HEY, IT'S NOT A GREAT
LOOK IS PRINTED ON MY BUSINESS CARDS.
>> ALAN? >> I DIGRESS.
IF I LEARNED ONE THING FROM MY TIME WITH ACCUSED WIFE MURDERER
KLAUS VONBULOW, IS THAT APPEARANCES ARE DECEIVING.
TRUMP COULDN'T POSSIBLY BE GUILTY BECAUSE --
>> ALAN? >> ALAN, ARE YOU OKAY?
>> OH, MY -- MY HEART. ♪♪♪
[ LAUGHTER ] >> OH, MY GOD.
I'M SORRY, OH, MY GOSH. LOOK AT THAT, FREAKIN' ALAN
DERSHOWITZ. >> I'M IN HELL?
>> NO. YES, YOU ARE.
LET ME EXPLAIN. YOU'RE NOT EVEN DYING, I'M GOING
TO SEND YOU UPSTAIRS IN A MINUTE.
I JUST WANTED TO MEET YOU. I'M A HUGE FAN.
>> THANK YOU. >> SERIOUSLY, YOU'RE THE GOAT.
I SHOULD KNOW, THAT'S WHAT MY LEGS ARE MADE OF.
PULL UP A ROCK. THIS IS CRAZY, I DON'T KNOW
WHERE TO START. I'M ABOUT TO FAN GIRL OUT RIGHT
NOW. YOU MIND IF I RECORD THIS FOR MY
POD CAST. >> YOU HAVE A POD CAST?
>> YEAH, I INVENTED THEM. THANK YOU SO MUCH.
HERE WE GO. >> WHAT'S YOUR -- MAIN SQUEEZE,
THE DEVIL. REMINDING YOU TO VISIT
ADAMANDEVE.COM FOR ALL OF YOUR ADULT TOYS.
AND SHOUT OUT TO ALL OUR OTHER SPONSORS TOO, LIKE VAPING,
YOU'RE NEVER TOO YOUNG TO START VAPING.
AND, OF COURSE, MY PILLOW, NOT THE PILLOW, THE GUY.
WE'RE HERE WITH THE ALAN DERSHOWITZ.
>> YOU'RE MAKING ME BLUSH. >> HOW DID YOU COME UP WITH THIS
TRUMP DEFENSE? YEARS AGO, YOU SAID YOU DON'T
NEED A CRIME TO IMPEACH THE PRESIDENT.
NOW YOU SAY YOU NEED SOMETHING CRIME LIKE.
>> YES, WHEN -- >> I GOT TO ASK, IS THERE ANYONE
YOU WOULDN'T REPRESENT? >> WELL, AS LONG AS THE CLIENT
IS FAMOUS ENOUGH TO GET ME ON TV, IT'S ALL DUCKY, I GUESS.
>> THAT'S A WASTE OF TIME. I USED TO LET NOBODY'S INTO HEL,
NOW IT'S ALL INFLUENCERS. FAST PASS STRAIGHT TO HELL.
>> FAST PASS LIKE AT DISNEY WORLD OR --
>> YEAH, THE FOLKS AT DISNEY TRIED OUT FAST PASS IN HELL
BEFORE IT WENT TO ORLANDO. FRANKLY, A LOT OF STUFF IN
ORLANDO STARTED OUT RIGHT HERE. A LOT OF FRIENDS WANTED TO STOP
BY AND SEE YOU. >> HEY, HEY.
>> LOOK WHO IT IS, JEFFREY EPSTEIN.
NICE TO SEE YOU. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
>> JUST HANGIN'. >> HELLO.
VERY NICE. >> I LOVE WHAT YOU'VE BEEN DOING
FOR THE PRESIDENT. ALL WE GET DOWN HERE IS FOX NEWS
AND IT'S BEEN A JOY TO SEE YOUR WORK.
>> I WISH YOU COULD HAVE BEEN THERE IN PERSON.
>> YEAH, YEAH. TOO BAD I WAS MURDERED.
>> I KNOW. TRUST ME, I KNOW.
>> TOTALLY. YOU GUYS ARE HILARIOUS.
>> WHO ARE YOU? >> HE'S UM -- WELL, YOU TELL
THEM. >> I WROTE BABY SHARK.
>> OH, MY GOD, GENIUS. >> AND THAT'S WHY.
♪ I'M IN HELL, DOO-DOO-DOO-DOO ♪ YOU KNOW THE REST.
>> DID SOMEONE SAY HELL? YEAH, I MADE A DEAL WITH THE
DEVIL SO I CAN BE ON TV FOREVER. >> MA'AM.
I WISH I HAD DONE THAT. >> THAT'S RIGHT, PLANTER'S JUST
KILLED OFF MR. PEANUT. >> AND YOU ENDED UP IN HELL.
>> WELL, I TOOK OUT A LOT OF FIRST GRADERS WITH PEANUT
ALLERGIES. PLUS, I NEVER WORE PANTS.
>> SPEAKING OF NO PANTS, YOU ABOUT DONE HERE ALAN?
WE HAVE A LOT MORE WORK TO DO FOR MR. TRUMP.
>> YOU'RE IN HELL TOO, MITCH? >> NO, BUT I COME DOWN HERE AND
USE IT AS A SAUNA. >> DID YOU DO THAT THING WITH
MERRICK GARLAND I PITCHED YOU? >> IT WORKED GRACE.
>> THE SMILE ON MITCH McCONNELL'S FACE IS THANKS
ENOUGH. >> AW.
>> ALL RIGHT, WELL, SATAN, VERY NICE MEETING YOU, AND I KNOW --
I DON'T KNOW IF I'M SUPPOSED TO SAY THIS, BUT I -- I ALWAYS
SUSPECTED THAT YOU WERE A WOMAN. >> YEAH, I APPEAR DIFFERENTLY TO
DIFFERENT PEOPLE. >> FOR ME, THE DEVIL IS A WOMAN
MY OWN AGE. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> ALL RIGHT, WE GOT TO SKEDADDLE.
>> WE HAVE TO PLAY DOUBLES TENNIS AGAINST THE MENENDEZ
BROTHERS. >> AH, THE MENENDEZ BROTHERS,
THE ONES THAT GOT AWAY. >> GOOD LUCK, MR. DERSHOWITZ,
WE'RE GOING TO BE WATCHING THE TRIAL THIS WEEK, MAKE US PROUD.
IF WE GET OUR TV'S FIXED IN TIME.
WHERE IS OUR IT GUY? MARK ZUCKERBERG.
>> ALMOST DONE, BOSS. I WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW I DON'T
ENDORSE EVIL, I JUST HELP MILLIONS OF PEOPLE SHARE IT.
>> EVEN FOR ME, THAT'S HAUNTING. ALAN, YOU WANT TO DO THIS WITH
ME, BUD. >> I'D BE HONORED.
LIVE FROM NEW YORK IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT
Kentucky 2020 Election
Primary Election Registration Deadline: April 20, 2020
Primary Election: May 19, 2020
General Election Registration Deadline: October 5, 2020
General Election: November 3, 2020
The Moscow Mitch turtle look was on point.
Is there a mirror for non-US viewers?
Gold
Who is that doing McConnell!? We demand more!
The attempted smile is hilarious
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