(Christmas rendition of Scott The Woz theme plays) - [Narrator] This is the story of a boy who talked about stupid Nintendo games. Ever since 2017, he's done it 149 times and shows no sign of shame. Every single week, he'd go "Madden 08" this and "Fling Smash" that. It's really impressive how many sentences he could start with "Hey all." Any professional could make the argument he's gone off the deep end, but I think it's just how he's always been. He just enjoys talking about these things, regardless of what situations he gets himself into. Plus, he buys a lot of stuff, like, a LOT of stuff. And he's stated on multiple occasions he evades taxes. Like, Jesus Christ, I think he does it for fun! But with the Christmas season upon us, his passion may have finally brought him towards a bit of a crisis. - [Scott] Hey all, Scott here, and it's that time of year: the spending season; when it's okay to splurge a little bit and say, "You know what? I- I could use a toothbrush." Yesterday was my go-to "buy Fling Smash" day. The day before that was "buy the rights to socks" day. Didn't pan out, lost a few grand. The day before that, I bought a few shares of Loot Crate. I should read the news more. And today, I'm gonna get my gallbladder removed just for the hell of it! I'm broke. Hi, Scott Wozniak, bankruptcy activist. - [Kay Swiss] Kay Swiss, bankruptcy patrol. - [Scott] So I was hoping you could help me out a little bit here. According to the bank, government, and wallet, I have no money. Are you sure? Most people who claim bankruptcy have a forgotten gift card or something. I was actually gonna ask you to see if you could check my account and see if I left an Arby's card there or something. I don't know what to tell you, man. You're completely broke. Oh my god, I don't know how this could have happened. Really? You don't know why you're broke? You brought your entire stack of Fling Smash. - [Scott] Never leave the house without it.
- [Kay Swiss] Never? It's a bitch. No one man needs this much Fling Smash. And why are they all wet?
-[Scott] You don't get it, do you? Bankruptcy is just a hobby of mine! I'll quit it tomorrow and buy out the bank to replenish my funds. You don't have any money to buy the bank out with. Can you give me a loan to? This is great. Right before Christmas too. Is bankruptcy a crime now? Is it illegal to be worthless? Well, if it is... I'm f**ked. Now... I did come to an agreement with the bank... Do you accept war bonds? Listen, I'll make you a deal: do you want the bank to take every one of your possessions? - [Scott] Would you take my crippling debt?
- [Kay Swiss] No. Then God no! We have to do charity work every year; if you can do 50 hours of charitable work in the name of the bank, we can help you out. Oh man, I love charity work! That's the first time I've ever said that! Doing charity work is all you need to do to go from bankruptcy to struggling, and helping out the less fortunate is what I'm best at. I've not killed my fair share of bedbugs, I always look out for the little guys. So I just have to pick out a charity to benefit which is tough, there's so many. There's the Kill All Bedbugs Association, they would not like me. Justice For Squirt, bringing awareness to America's 98th most popular soft drink, no, I hate politics. Oh, the Foundation for Recent Murderees, a charity benefiting those who have recently been murdered, that's a great cause! Death is the most common cause for death, so to bring awareness to that and to help those who have recently died should be more than enough for charity work! Well, with the Christmas season approaching, I definitely want to give those who are less fortunate gifts! The problem is... I have nothing. Nothing at all. I have to come up with something that's affordable beyond belief, but gives up the illusion of significance. Wait, what was the value of Kinect Adventures? F**KING WORTHLESS, THAT'S IT! This cost me a nickel. Video games are some of the priciest forms of entertainment out there, most releases, 60 bucks a pop, you know how much house you could fight with that? I'm not telling you ask your realtor. Games are expensive. There's no getting around that, which is why every single title enters the circle of life. See we start at $60 when the game initially releases, that's fun, people love a good joke. But see, when people buy the game brand new and beat it all and have nothing else to do in the title, how are they gonna fund the next game they want to buy? Well, they could work for money- *Laughs* You can sell that game and then use that money to buy new game! So sell your $60 game for $40 after you're done with it, some sap will buy your used copy for $50, that sap sells their $50 game for $30, the f**kin moron who bought that game sells it for $15, the idiot who buys that game for $15 sells it for $5, and then the me who buys it for $5 is pretty much stuck with it, because why would I sell it? To use a phone booth? Many games maintain their value for years, sometimes even increasing in price if there's a high enough demand, but what about the games that just plummet in value? The games that rot on a game store shelf for years? Nobody buys them... ever. And as time goes on more and more copies pile up because... nobody wants these games. They're completely worthless! The price keeps going down until it reaches rock-bottom, and even then nobody wants it! This, my friends, is the bargain bin game. Games that just refused to sell -at all. Like smallpox sells more than Battleborn. Piles of these games crowd used game store shelves all for dirt cheap, three bones, two bones, one bone, 50 cents, sometimes even pennies! But why aren't people buying these games? Those are some crazy prices! Like come on, these are in fact video games; being able to pick one up for the price of integrity, well thats a steal! Well, allow me to dissect what it takes to be a bargain bin game with the four categories of the dollar bin You think you have what it takes to be f**king worthless? Take notes from the pros. Games that are pretty much unplayable in their current state, whether that means a game that was online multiplayer only and said online multiplayer has either been shut down for years or nobody's playing it, or the game is Glee Karaoke Revolution. Vol 3. Yeah, I was surprised too when I pulled this off the shelf and saw the price. WHAT Well, when you do some critical thinking, it does make some sense. Pretty much any game that requires a peripheral and is sold with just the game, they are pretty much all in the dollar below crowd. DJ Hero, Band Hero, karaoke games, dance pad games! I mean- many of these titles! You pop them in there, giving you the stink eye. Yes Scott. Where the hell is your SingStar® microphone? There are the games that require toys to scan in Disney Infinity, Skylanders, Lego Dimensions, I mean, what are you gonna do without the toys? Yeah, that's what I thought! Now, the dance pad games, you can usually play with a controller, but look me in the eye and tell me you want this. Now, a few games maintain their value even without their accessories. Some of the Guitar Heroes are still fairly pricey, but that's because people miss Guitar Hero. Now, why is Band Hero only $0.99 in comparison? Because nobody misses Band Hero. What the hell is the difference? You play in a band in Guitar Hero too! These are games that are fundamentally paperweights in their current form. Stores like GameStop have to accept them as trade-ins because... well... they are games. But nobody was buying StarLink with the toys, what makes you think somebody wants it without? So worthless equals games that are missing accessories that sort of make these games playable or online only games that do not work anymore. Games that are constantly getting new versions every single year. When the latest FIFA comes out, last year's becomes completely irrelevant. And if you think FIFA 19 is worthless now, where does that put FIFA 15? You mainly see this with the sports games: FIFA, MLB, NBA, PGA, NFL, ABBA, You may ask, "what's the point of spending $60 on the new versions when last year's and th e year before that and the year before that featured games that were pretty much the same, but with a few differences?" To answer that question, I will answer this question: "What's the meaning of life?" I don't know. Some yearly titles do maintain value, even some sports games do. I've been jonesing for a complete Madden 08 collection, but the PSP and Mac versions are somewhat pricey. I've made some mock-up copies to get a good idea of what it will be like to actually be happy. Games that everybody owned for a while there, but now... nobody cares anymore. Games that were fads or games that were bundled in with consoles or controllers Like, pretty much every PlayStation Move owner got Sports Champions with it. Does that mean every PlayStation Move owner didn't sell the game? I don't even think any PlayStation Move owner still owns a PlayStation Move. The Sega Superstars Tennis Xbox Live Arcade combo pack Yeah, these were included with a ton of Xbox 360s, which meant a metric 70% of Xbox 360 owners Didn't want the games because GameStops are made of these games. Peel off the wallpaper, you'll find them. Now, of course, there's also the fad titles, games that nobody wants to play anymore because nobody wants to play them anymore. Kinect games and Wii party games like, I don't even think the developers want these. Yeah, these are just bad. Games that NOBODY wants because they're just not good. Some of these games immediately hit the bargain bins within a year or two of release. Anthem, Knowledge is Power, That's You! Look at these price points, they're pathetic! Games that not only rot on the store shelves when they're used and years old, but games that do so when they're brand new! Stores could never get rid of these things no matter how hard they tried! They're legitimately... It's just nobody who really wants these things! These bargain bin titles can be pretty much anything, But those four categories are the most common reasons. They're the undesirables. When somebody trades in one of these games at a Gamestop they're fundamentally sending these games off to die. Nobody buys these, and if they do, half the time, they harvest these copies for their cases to use on games they actually care about. But that doesn't mean there isn't inherent value to some of these games. Truth or Lies without the microphone, it's oddly enough better than Truth or Lies with the microphone; it's completely unplayable in the state. I mean, The Naked Brothers Band for $1? Come on, these opening animations alone are worth admission. And hey, buying a video game for so cheap? That's fun. It's like adopting a child that's older than you, right? Like this shouldn't happen! But hey, it's a cool story to tell: "I got a game for 50 cents!" And what better gift is there than video games? These things were expensive at some point in time. Name better press than giving murder victims Battleborn. We should really do something big for these guys, throw a charity gala! I just need to find a way to fund it. - [Scott] Can I take out a loan?
- [Kay Swiss] What the f*ck is wrong with you? Or just sell something! The only question is what? I could sell Ridge Racer 6, It's not f**king happening, I'll never sell my copy. I'm broke, not stupid. No, I'll just look up how much a debit card sell for. All right. Welcome to Scott's Charity Gala for Recent Murderees! A place where we address certain problems in this world with kindness. Not ready yet. This is gonna be the greatest charity event of all time, And I'm not just saying that to ensure the bank doesn't repossess my items. - [Kay Swiss] Listen, man, we need some great press. This event needs to be stellar; we want to see some happy murder victims. - [Scott] Oh, you don't have to worry about that. I got a secret weapon. Spree Flavored Candy Canes. Cashier told me it'd be a hit. I may have banked too much on this. Alright. Food, Spree, Presents? I think we're ready. Welcome, murderees, to the First Centennial Charity Gala for Recent Murder Victims. - [Wendy's Employee] I knew it was a good idea giving murdered. - [Scott] Oh, yeah, we all went to that dinner party together, got murdered, got treated for it, how was all that? - [Terry] Well, have you ever died?
- [Scott] Not personally, but I'll get around to it eventually. This is great, I know these guys. We all went to Chet Shaft's dinner party, great food, ended in murder. But everybody was diagnosed with murder except for me, these guys got treated and look at them now! But that's the thing: they all survived and they all already like me, so I just have to make sure they rave about this gala, so I'm just gonna try to sweeten the deal for all of them. - [Scott] Terry and Jeb? Vegans. I laced their meat with tofu. - [Scott] Rex Mohs, school dance chaperone. I color-coordinated all the things that aren't beer so he knows what he should and shouldn't eliminate. - [Scott] Wendy's Employee, Wendy's Employee. I heckled some Arby's drive-throughs before I came here. I didn't even know he was coming tonight. It works out perfectly! Listen, these guys have seen it all. It must have been hell to go through the recovery process after being murdered, but it'll all be worth it after they get their gifts. Heyyy, there's my favorite murder victims. - [Wendy's] Hear that? We're his favorites! - [Scott] How you guys liking the gala so far? - [Jeb] I hate it. Reminds me of when I got murdered.
- [Scott] How? - [Jeb] That. - [Scott] What am I supposed to call you guys? - [Terry] I'm a big proponent of the term hospital junkies. - [Scott] I'm more of a fan of the term "charity Messiah."
- [Jeb] What are you talking about? That describes no one in this room. - [Scott] What's wrong with him?
- [Wendy's] Oh, you see, well, he's simply bludgeoned to death, but at the hospital, though, doctors wrongfully diagnosed him as a burn victim. - [Scott] Can't he just take them off?
- [Terry] Not if he wants to recover. - [Rex] *screams in agony* - [Scott] Well, I think it's a good time to make my speech. The holiday season is one of the greatest yet most stressful times of the year. Whether it's because of money problems or getting murdered, it's easy to forget the true purpose of Christmas time. It's to set aside our differences and enjoy the company of each other. To express gratitude and empathy to those truly special in your life and to those in need regardless of any differences that separate us all. This event is in support of the Foundation of Recent Murderees. My colleagues: Terry Lesler, Jeb Jab, Rex Mohs, and Wendy's Employee were all recently murdered and are now in recovery I truly cannot think of a greater pain to endure Maybe gout. I propose a toast. This event had a single sponsor, being Ice Mountain mini bottled water. When you're thirsty, but not that thirsty. Ice Mountain mini bottled water available now, so please raise an ounce To you. Merry Christmas. Jesus, that tastes small. So, to end things off, to make your insufferable pain more fun, I got you all gifts. - [Rex] Is that a cure for zero degree burns?
- [Scott] Oh, even better. Listen, take 'em, open them up, and let me know when you guys forget that you were totally murdered a few months back. What is this? - [Scott] ♫We got American Idol on PS2, it's $2.99, of course it blew!♫ ♫Karaoke Revolution♫ ♫With no microphone, That might be fun!♫ ♫DJ, Band, and Guitar Hero, just the games, price point zero!♫ ♫Games are games, ignore the fuss!♫ - [Chorus] ♫It's a Bargain Bin Christmas!♫ - [Scott] ♫FIFA, there and everywhere!♫ ♫Ninety nine cents? That's not even fair!♫ ♫Skylanders, It was just a phase. I turned these copies into a maze!♫ ♫Lego Dimensions, that really exists?♫ ♫I guarantee you, it was a miss♫ ♫Games that are the anti-ass♫ - [Chorus] ♫It's a Bargain Bin Christmas!♫ - [Scott] ♫Just take Battleborn, you swine!♫ ♫Play it before it goes offline...♫ ♫Madden 16, 17, 18♫ ♫Not as good as '08, pretty blatantly.♫ ♫But WHO CARES? It's at a great price!♫ ♫Presents that'll make anybody say "Nice!"♫ ♫It's with value and some class?♫ - [Chorus] ♫It's a Bargain Bin Christmassss!♫ - [Rex] WHAT THE F*CK? - [Scott] Pretty cool, right? Those are games! Video games! And I gave you like 50 of em! - [Jeb] Yeah but these are terrible. - [Terry] I feel like I've been murdered all over again.
- [Wendy's] Is this even legal? - [Scott] Guys, I'm sorry. I just didn't have enough money for gifts. It's all I could have done. - [Terry] Oh, you didn't have enough money for actual presents, but you had enough money for that sign? - [Scott] Honestly, I've had that in my trunk for years. - [Wendy's] What even is this?
- [Scott] That's NBA Live 14. - [Wendy's] Well knowing that makes this present worse! - [Jeb] I've been murdered far too many times to accept Lego Dimensions for Christmas. - [Terry] And what am I to do with all these Maddens? 25, 15, 16, 08? -[Scott] You son of a bitch, you son of a BITCH! - [Jeb] Whoa. Alright, we weren't the ones who just gave out trash for Christmas. - [Scott] Well, excuse me for loving bankruptcy. I'm only doing this to get out of the hole. - [Wendy's] Wha-you're only doing this for the money?
- [Terry] And you gave us Battleborn? -[Scott] I-I-I'm sorry. Okay. Listen, let me try to make it up to you. Terry, Jeb, have a burger.
- [Terry] We're vegan. - [Scott] Yeah, I know. No cheese.
- [Wendy's] Listen, just stop, okay? - [Scott] What's going on?
- [Terry] Oh, God, he's been drinking too many of the Ice Mountain mini bottles. He's WAY overhydrated.
- [Jeb] Somebody giet him some sand! - [Scott] I try to do something nice for them and they blast me for it. They hate me. The charity events gonna bomb, the bank's gonna take all my stuff, Ugh! - [???] Scott... - [Scott] What?
- [???] Scott... - [Scott] Sounds like Chet Shaft. - [Chet] It is I, the Ghost of Christmas Shaft. - [Scott] Chet, everybody else who was murdered at the dinner party recovered, you were murdered, and you... - [Chet] ...were murdered. I just died.
- [Scott] Oh, man, you're a ghost. You can answer this. Would it be vegetarian to eat a ghost cow? - [Chet] What kind of question is that?
- [Scott] So picture this, right: standard cow, kill it, eat it, the American dream. But like if a ghost cow appeared before me like you are right now and I harvested it for its ghost meat, like I'm eating a cow, but I didn't kill a living thing to eat that cow. So what would it be? - [Chet] I've only been dead for a few months. I'm not a professional ghost yet. I just do it on the weekend. - [Scott] Well, why are you here?
- [Chet] Because I'm a ghost and you need help. Let's talk. - [Wendy's] Seriously? This is my worth to him, Kinect Adventures? I'm a Wendy's employee for God's sakes. - [Jeb] Yeah, you know, I'm sick of people assuming I want NHL 16 like Stop.
- [Terry] Guys, look at this. What am I supposed to do with this? - [Rex] Actually, I could sell this to my Rock Band 2 guy. He loves stuff like this. - [Jeb] You know, actually, I could really use a new copy of Truth or Lies. Mine got run out. - [Terry] And you know, I could use another emergency copy of Kinect Adventures. - [Wendy's] Oh my god, There's a Wii PLAY! - [Scott] I tried to be nice to them, I got them all that stuff and they just acted like I was treating them like garbage. - [Chet] Well, you did get them Battleborn.
- [Scott] I just, I just really needed them to like me and what I did and... now I have nothing. - [Chet] See, that's the problem. You weren't doing a lot of that stuff out of the goodness of your heart, you were doing it because it benefited you! Most people can see right through insincerity. - [Scott] Not me, I invest in Ponzi schemes when I'm bored. - [Chet] They obviously saw that you bought them those games because they were worthless. You treated them like they were worth Band Hero... Band Hero! - [Scott] But I did so much for them. I sold my desk to fund the gala! - [Chet] Follow me. - [Jeb] You know, after trading these games around? Pretty happy with this. - [Terry] Yeah, I'd rather die than be caught with Battleborn, but Kinect Adventures on the other hand? This just saved me buying my fourth copy. - [Wendy's] ...Maybe we were a little hard on him. - [Terry] To be fair, guys, he did give us Battleborn. - [Rex] And what the hell is this? Spree? - [Everybody] *groans in disgust - [Rex] What the F*CK?! - [Chet] Just right this way. - [Scott] God, I hate yards! - [Chet] The desk you sold is here now. - [Scott] Why is the desk in a dress?
- [Chet] It has a new owner. That's just how he uses it. - [Scott] He's feeding it tea, w-why is he playing tea with the desk?
- [Chet] That's just what he wants to use it for. - [Scott] Well, yeah, but it's a desk.
- [Chet] The point is: look how happy he is! Giving up your desk to fund an event for those in need and having it go to someone who will love it just as much as you did? You should be proud of that. - [Wendy's] You know, even if we didn't like some of these gifts, we found some we did like. And just because some of these are worthless to somebody, doesn't mean someone else won't find value in them. - [Rex] That's a good point. Like, I hate organized crime, but that doesn't mean I want to ruin their fun. - [Jeb] You know, he left a receipt here. Looks like he sold this desk to fund this. - [Everybody] *groans in disgust*
- [Rex] What the F*CK?! - [Jeb] You know, I didn't have a desk for 12 years and look where I am. Murdered. - [Rex] I haven't shaved in 12 years.
- [Wendy's] You shaved when you were 10? - [Terry] Seriously, no desk? What kind of freak has no desk?! - [Wendy's] The freak who's willing to give it up to give others something nice. - [Rex] Yeah, like these Ice Mountain mini waters. Tastes like a fresh puddle! - [Scott] Aww, they already hate me, what's the point? - [???] Hey, Scott, let you know, man, just listen: sometimes, you got to do things to make it all right, man, regardless of how hard they just make it be. - [Scott] I don't know who the f*ck that is, but thanks! - [Scott] Listen, guys, - [Jeb] That's Mr. Guys to you. - [Scott] I'm sorry. I treated you all like you were worthless, and that's just not the case. Sure. I started doing this to get out of bankruptcy, but I realize there's so much more to this than just what benefits me. - [Terry] Well, we want to apologize also. We should be more grateful for what we were given, and we were way too harsh at first. And to be quite honest this copy of Kinect Adventures really hits the spot. - [Jeb] Yeah, and I needed some firewood and you know, Skylanders: SuperChargers is just that. - [Wendy's] I didn't know what I was doing on Tuesday, but now I know! - [Rex] And DJ Hero 2 makes a pretty mean plate. - [Wendy's] We know how much you went through to make all this for us, so we wanted to get you this. - [Scott] Madden 08 on the Mac!? - [Terry] And this. - [Scott] Madden 08 on the PSP!?
- [Rex] And this. - [Scott] The 08 Collection for the PC!?
- [Jeb] And this! - [Scott] Nah, I'm good.
Oh my god. I finally have all the Madden 08s! - [Vince Young] Scott, it sounded like you did good, man. You did good, bro. - [Scott] Vince Young!? - [Vince] You really did it. Keep up the great work, man, we're all proud of you, man. - [Scott] Yes, of course. You're so much smaller than I expected you to be! - [Terry] Is he okay?
- [Rex] He might be dehydrated-I know just the trick. - [Scott] Thank you. - [Vince] Keep up the great work, bro. - [Scott] It's missing a leg. It's close enough. Subtitles by: Bubble Symphony
I can’t believe he got Vince Young to be in the video
AVGN in the intro
What was the thing he was talking about he could only film today on Twitter?
Congrats, you won the race :)
Well it’s not a Donkey Kong’s Barrel Blast Review.
But...
I’m so fucking excited
He got Vince Young and AVGN. What a great video, my new favorite!
I can't believe he made a whole 25 minute epic video to flex on us with his complete collection of Madden '08.
Although it's not as good as last year's Christmas video, this one is really fun to watch.
Rip the desk