(upbeat techno music) - Hey all, Scott here. I've been staring at this all day, I still don't get it. Anime. (toilet flushing) Couldn't even finish that word. See, for somebody so into
stupid Nintendo games, I definitely need some boundaries set. There's a reason that sign
is on my bedroom door. I refuse to consume much entertainment outside of the bare necessities, which is why I'm
disgusted by the fact that people like things I don't like. I mean what the hell is this? People who haven't played "Pikmin 3." Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I need to broaden my
horizons a bit, try new things. And maybe then I'll never
have to give the excuse that I'm not an RPG guy ever again. Then, and only then, will I be able to play "FlingSmash"
with a clear conscience. Never been able to do that before. I've been missing out on so many different types of
entertainment in this world. Let's start out by trying--
this is going to sting. (upbeat J-pop music playing) Well, I know I'm not alone. Many others refuse to consume... this. Looking it up online, this guy says this because
all the anime is absurd, and makes absolutely no sense. Yeah, because American
animation is logic based... It's a (beep) sponge! Anime just holds a certain kind of stigma. A lot of it can be illogical
and hard to follow, characters can be weird and annoying. A lot of anime doesn't pass the, "do you immediately turn the
TV off when somebody walks in" test. Now, I don't dislike foreign
cartoons or anything. Some of my favorite series
were made in Arizona. It's just, ever since I was a kid, this style, never appealed to me. And as I grow older, whenever
I get a whiff of anime, most of the time I utter
those sweet, sweet words. What the (beep) was that? But just because I don't
like the anime style, doesn't mean I don't like Japan. Are you kidding me? Japan is one of the most
amazing countries out there. They made Wario! You may say, well Scott, instead of playing games based
on anime you've never seen, why not watch the anime the
games are based on first? (laughter) Last time I tried to watch anime, I looked up how to, and
they just told me to stop. So I think this is the only way I can. I mean, after Mighty No.
9 denounced anime fans in its trailer, I knew there was no way I
was ever going to watch some. I always listened to what
"Might No.9" has to say. - [Trailer Narrator] And
make the bad guys cry, like an anime fan on prom night! - [Scott] Yeah, "Mighty No.9" is a b*tch. There's a reason it comes with a name tag. Don't tell "Mighty No.9",
but I've officially converted my entire living space to
be pro all things anime! I even have a Jersey and everything! So now I just have to figure out what anime games I should buy. And after researching for some
on on QVC, I am at a loss. All right, "Yu-Gi-Oh the
Duelists of the Roses." That's the name of my florist. I don't have as many questions
as I thought I would. How do you even properly say this title? - [TV Announcer] "Dragon
Ball Z Budokai Tenkaichi 3!" - [Scott] Aw damn it! Dr.
Gero's name is copyrighted? Run! Yeah, this is pretty much
the exact same damn thing. Can Piccolo survive? (loud explosion) No. Well, here we have "Tokyo
School Life," a visual novel. These types of visual
novels are like books, if "Scholastic" was really horny. It's a good thing that
girl's moving in this scene. I left game on for nine days, and the image only partially
burned into the screen! Moving the right stick fast
forwards through everything, so we can cruise through
this entire thing! Don't worry, sound effects
are still included. (snapping) Did I snap her neck? Well we sort of still get a good idea of what's going on this way. (screaming) I said sorta. Next up is "Senran Kagura Reflections." So I have to help this
girl search herself. I found a gun. I was right about anime. I don't need anything new in my life. I don't care about anime. It's weird. I don't like it. Oh hey! Cool portal. Oh God, lines. - [Woman] You've done now.
You've really done it. You think you can get away
with not giving a (beep) anime? - Well now I'm starting
to question my ability to. - It's human nature to
a (beep) about anime. And you, my friend are
the only one to reject it. - Really? - The only one I've noticed,
and because of that, you will pay. - Who even are you? - I am the protector of all things anime. I am the guardian of "virginity". I am Dr. Anna May! Now, please stand. (loud explosion) (upbeat techno music) - I swear I think various
animes are completely acceptable and wonderful pieces of
bonding and entertainment, but I'm just not interested or invested in any particular
anime, or anime in general! - I find that hard to believe. - Damn, you're right. - Oh so that's what we're doing now huh? Well prepare for my secret weapon: Humility! All things anime, I'm sorry.
I just never grew up with you. I never understood you. That doesn't mean I don't respect you. I could really use some
help right now, please. (fast techno music plays) - Well, this is overkill, I'll
just finish you off myself. (fast techno music plays) I'm sick of people like
you disrespecting my world! It's time succumb to your doom! - Just because people
aren't into something doesn't mean they don't respect it. I still don't know what the
hell "Fire Emblem" means. And my respect for anime
has given me power, and I know exactly what
will get anybody into anime, to back off... (upbeat techno music) Have a nice prom! What the (beep) was that? Hey all, Scott here. Valentine's day. I'm ready. I've had the exact same
holiday traditions since 2003: a bottle of wine and body spray. Now that I'm 22, I'm looking
to spice things up a bit. That's right. I'm going to successfully
get laid with a Wii game, which oddly enough... (loud music and crowd noise) It's harder than I thought... This, right here, is the Nintendo Wii. It had a little something for everybody. Everybody. Because of the varied
audience that Wii captured, we got pretty much every type of game you could possibly
imagine on this console. "Fortune Street," and the rest of them. I mean, the Wii had mature
first-person shooters, exercise games, dancing games, platformers, role-playing
games, (beep) games, Sonic... I only have the Wii version here, I assume it includes all the sex it can. The PlayStation 3 version
requires some peripherals, according to the cover. "You'll need these." Hell yeah, you will! Let's not waste any more time. We are officially one disc slot away from me taking my innocence
and just (beep)-- Dah! What do I have to lose
other than virginity? Let's play "We Dare!" Why? Looking at the screenshots, it looks like it's just
a sexy "WarioWare." So, "WarioWare." There's not a ton of ways
to truly make the character look like yourself, unless
you're the Cat in the Hat. Weirdly enough, lots of
options if you look like that. After creating something
God wished he created, we have to pick one of
six personality types. Are we a big shot, some catch potato, yes, a jock? I created some other characters
here, including a girl. I named her Impact because
I always had a thing for that font. Such a great font, so bold, so fun, always use it when you want attention. I always wished I'd find somebody who was just as iconic as Impact. Yeah, okay, I wanna (beep)
a font, who doesn't? And it's time for the mini game. Oh man, I can't wait to see what this
whole sex thing is all about. Did I miss a page? These many games can be pretty intimate. Squeezing your faces together with a just Wii Remote between them. Just another Wednesday. Hitting the apple by hitting
buttons with your face can get really competitive
playing with the guys. (beep) you, (beep) you! And the spanking game, where you have to put the Wii Remote in your friend's back pocket and then... rock them back and forth? Where's the spanking game? That was 20% of why I had bought it! But thankfully, the stripping
minigame is still here. That was 40%. You've gotta stand on
the Wii Balanced Board, it'll weigh you, and you have to take off
as many clothes as you can. And it'll detect if you did or not, because technically you're
supposed to weigh less. I have a workaround though. Hold melon before, put it
away after, easy high score. Got an entire cupboard for
my "We Dare" accessories. And to my knowledge, you
can't spank in this game. It shows it on the back of the box. Ubisoft, thank God, they have
a support number to call. Uh-huh. Okay. Okay. Thank you. Apparently "We Dare" is
considered contraband if played outside of Europe or Australia. If there's a sexier
reason to go to prison, I'd like to hear it. Prison was okay, met this guy, Jerry, had few laughs, palm got stabbed, but being the only person to
go to prison for "We Dare" makes me the most qualified
person to have an opinion on "We Dare." And my opinion on "We Dare..." is that it needs to learn
a certain definition. Lifting isn't spanking! Hey all, Scott here. I hate rumors. Ever since the dawn of time they've been used to spoil major reveals. And ever since they've been primarily used to get the attention of Nintendo fans, such as this one,
Nintendo's lineup for 2021. This one's fake. This is an eye exam. So let's see what system
we'll be scouring. Dammit! Iwata himself made further
statements on the interview, asking if better graphics
and motion sensing would be enough to sell a DS successor. You can't just have better
graphics and more controls. You need something else. Sex appeal. As 2010 made its way through the door, rumors persisted about the next DS. One guy deciding to snoop around the Game Developers Conference that year to find as much info as he could. His findings? I'll take anything at this point. Basically he discovered the system was going to be more powerful
than the Nintendo DS. Shut the (beep) up! I mean, why would Nintendo announce a DS2? It was early 2010, they
were just about to release a brand new DS revision, the DSi XL. I don't get you. On March 23rd, 2010 Nintendo
officially announced a successor to the Nintendo DS. It wasn't called the Nintendo DS2, it was the Nintendo 3DS. I made this shirt for nothing? Hello, everybody and welcome
to "Critique that Leak" the show for people looking
for meaning in their life. You just have to look really hard. We here at "Critique that Leak" take our leak critiquer
titles very seriously. It's not every day
somebody goes to the effort of opening up Photoshop so
we really have to embrace each and every leak we can. I mean, who has time to erase
one word from a Zelda logo? During 2017 to 2018,
there were some rumors floating around about a
"Link's Awakening" remake heading to the Nintendo 3DS. Now, that ended up being
for the Nintendo Switch and while I do believe that remake probably started life on
the 3DS, this isn't it. This guy decided to be clever and lazy. See, the title "The
Legend of Zelda Awakening" follows the format of another
Game Boy remake on 3DS, "Metroid Samus Returns," a
take in the original title and shake the words up
a bit for the remake. The problem is, Nintendo wouldn't use the original Zelda logo from the 90s with no real alterations
for a new release of theirs, even if it is for a remake. However, I will put
this leak up on the wall to remind me no matter how lazy I am, I could be lazier. I believe this thing was
made just to shut people up about the 3DS needing a second stick because when it came out, there's nothing you can
really say about it. It came out, it was barely supported and nobody bought. And one sec, I know some people bought it, you don't have to tell me, "Scott, I bought the Circle Pad Pro, I go to bed with it every night!" Nikkei reported that Nintendo was set to reveal a 3DS with a bigger screen similar to the Nintendo DSi XL at E3 2012. This was accompanied by Wii U pricing info and Nintendo said it,
these rumors were false. (dramatic music) - [Announcer] This is Nintendo 3DS XL. - [Scott] What the hell happened there? "Steel Divers Sub Wars" was
ousted through these means alongside "NES Remix" for the Wii U. The sequel to "Steel Diver" was leaked through the Australian
classification website. Now, I don't usually get
pissed about things leaking. This was an exception. But everything we've talked
about has led to this. See, when "Yoshi's New
Island" was coming out a certain listing popped up online detailing a special edition Yoshi 3DS XL. This spread like wildfire and showed off an image of the system. Many said it was hideous. It was also made by a 16 year old Scott. Yeah, I got bored one day in July of 2013 and decided to make a mock-up for a special edition 3DS box. The core idea here was to just
make a box for the system, I wanted to try and mimic
the design of something like the "Animal Crossing" 3DS box. The 3DS design itself was an afterthought. I effectively gave a 3DS liver spots. And then IGN reported on this thing and so did a lot of other sites, I felt really proud about that one. The reason my fan art was used was because a Yoshi 3DS
was actually coming out and one of these retailers just decided to Google Yoshi 3DS and uploaded the worst looking one they could find. To commemorate the
experience I recently bought the actual 3DS this listing was for! Weren't enough green spots on this one but it's still okay. With it being a home
console handheld hybrid, many brought into
question the 3DS' future. Will Nintendo continue to support the 3DS or immediately move on to the Switch? Turns out, this thing wouldn't die. The successor definitely ended up being the Nintendo Switch Lite, a handheld-only variant
of the Nintendo Switch. But was that what these
rumors were referring to? My shoulders are gonna
work overtime on this one. Before the new 3DS XL was
announced for North America, this banner came into
GameStop and leaked online. I wonder what it could mean? In April of 2014 Nintendo
trademarked the title "Code Name S.T.E.A.M.," Strike Team Eliminating the Alien Menace. Nobody knew what it meant,
but it wasn't until E3 2014 that Nintendo hosted
a dedicated conference to announce "Code Name
S.T.E.A.M." for the 3DS. And, fun fact, did you know
"Code Name S.T.E.A.M." Released? You know what? After going through all that, I think I might've
changed my mind on rumors, they can be pretty fun. From this day forward I
will only believe rumors and if those rumors ever become facts... (beep) 'em! Hey all, Scott here. Well, I've done it. I've finally mastered the
art of beating video games. All thanks to cheating. Now that I've got that out of the way, I'm going to use my newfound
knowledge to beat games under different circumstances. I've been working on my chili run lately. Every time I hit a button, I have to eat five spoonfuls of chili. I'm not even past the menu! I've gotten lost in my fair share of games whether I have no idea
where I should be going, no idea what my next objective is, I just simply didn't understand
the directions given to me, I can't find anything. Video games are easily the quickest way to realize I'm an idiot. I remember playing
Bioshock infinite in 2013, you could activate an arrow showing you where to go by hitting up. After one play through, this
controller is useless now. That's just not gonna happen. Everybody makes mistakes. Just look at everybody. I don't want to be told
the solution to the puzzle, I got to figure it out myself. I'm no (beep), I'll beat this
game with my eyes closed. (video game music) I am completely lost. And it feels amazing to
be on a winning streak to constantly figure out
solutions with no hesitation and then you get to that
stupid part in "Uncharted 3." What the hell do I do here? That's when I usually call it quits and just look up a guide. When the rest of the game is like this and then I'm stuck trying to figure out this part for like three hours. Oh wow, I can't figure out this
puzzle in "Resident Evil 2," I want to my pants, not think critically. But for people who just need answers, and they need them now crack
out that the thesaurus. The strategy guide is the
thesaurus of video games. I have said that so many times today. Yes, I'd like the definition
of sex in the 80s, please. "How to Win at Nintendo Games"
was one of the most popular books for NES players, but
it's nothing special nowadays. Just a simple book full
of strategies and tips. It's simply all about mastering the games that can't be beat. This book has a chapter
about "Mickey Mousecapade." If you'd come up and tell me "Wii Play" was bundled with a Wii Remote, Like, yeah, I know that, but
I'm going to eat it up anyways because I'm a sucker for
video game information. Or I have short-term memory loss. Magazines started to shift
over more to news and reviews and the tips and tricks
portions became its own product with the strategy guide. No problem, I'd love to
spend a couple of bucks on a guidebook for my favorite games. What the (beep) is that? I mean, I've stopped playing
my fair share of games for a while and a couple of weeks later, when I come back. What the hell happened when I was gone? I love game walkthrough videos. They know exactly what I want to hear. What's up guys, it's
me, game fan Mike here. And today, I'm going to show you how to get through the
entirety of the first level in Super Mario Brothers. It's really easy it's really simple. And I'm going to show you real quick. This is a classic game, one
of my all time favorites. And I'm going to show you
how to get from point A to point B. Before we get started,
I'd really appreciate it If you gave me a like, a
thumbs up, a nod really, any form of respect you
can give, I'll take it. You are what's helping me
grow and make helping you all out with games my full-blown career. All right, ran out of time there, we'll start over on the next life. Just to remind you, guys, before
we get to the meat of this, if you haven't yet, please
follow me on Twitter. When these things finally,
finally bite the dust entirely, I won't ever forget them. I don't think I'll go the rest of my life without remembering. (soothing music) Oh (beep), remember strategy guides? Hey all, Scott here. It's amazing to me that the
Nintendo Switch is already three years old and
they still haven't fixed the console biggest issue. The T is backwards. Remember March, 2019? The month "Yoshi's
Crafted World" came out? Oh! They also released "Resident Evil 1" and Zero retail for $60. (Scott grunts) And one isn't even on the cartridge, you have to download it. (Scott groaning in despair) This one's just all right,
nobody goes, "Oh man, you've never played Banana Blitz? You've got to try Banana
blitz, it's just okay." Well, the Nintendo switch
revision came out this month and only a stupid, dumb,
stupid idiot would buy one When they already have a
perfectly fine Switch from launch. (Scott forced laughing) I'm also not really one to freak out and adore every single
thing Nintendo does, but I'm willing to give it a try. What the (beep), "BoxBoy?" What the (beep), "The Stretchers?" What the (beep), the Switch still exists? Hey all, Scott here. I bought new clothes. That's why they always call
me "New Clothes Scott." I love designs like this so much, I should go as far as
possible with that love. - [Tattoo Artist] what
kind of tattoo you want? - Plaid. Could've just gotten the Xbox controller. It's a brand new day, I
wake up and what do I do? I buy more useless trash. If I run out of money, I'll
just sell another kidney. I don't care. Look, I bought another rice
cooker for the collection. But we all have those
things we really don't need, but sorta kinda want anyways,
and game companies know this. That's why they all say "Grab
the paint, Scott's a moron!" I'm not as ashamed as I wanted to be. But here's the thing, controllers
are absolutely abused. These things are put through so much. And if you play games, you know you're prone
to some thumb grease. To buy a controller
based on its looks alone, and with it only being
available for a limited time, I almost don't want to use it. I know if I do, it's more
susceptible to wear and tear, and if it breaks down, I
don't wanna buy another one. By the time I have to do that, it's going to be 10 times
more expensive online. Have you seen the Cheeto market? People pay top dollar for special trash, imagine how much I have to pay for a new Halo Reach controller. who chews on thumb sticks? Special edition controllers,
they're always a joy to see, plus you can usually
warrant picking these up because you can never
have too many controllers. However, I never want anything
to ever happen to these. They're too precious, that's why I don't have
anybody over anymore. - Yeah, so I Kinda have this weird thing where I have to lick every
controller that I see. (gasps) Donkey Kong! You have the one guy
that notoriously doesn't bathe his fingers go, "Yeah,
I'll take the gold one." Like what the (beep), don't
do that to my controller. People have been customizing
their controllers ever since the dawn of time, And if
you want to reach a bit, we could consider decals to be the first instance of the special edition. I think a lot of people have seen these Nintendo Power decals for NES controllers. You'd get them with the magazine, and just stick them onto your game pad. These things have always been a thing, still prevalent nowdays. These are the cheapest possible solution to give your controller some flare. The only one I technically
have is the controller skin that came with the "Sonic
Forces" bonus edition. Choking hazard? Got rid of that. But they made sure to include denim. I know what you're thinking. I love the game cube. Like see, I enjoy this,
but I just want more. I think I found another choking hazard. But hey, this one's grease proof, a controller that addresses
the biggest gaming hurdle. See, I want to play Halo, but I just love no fork spaghetti. See, I really do like these controllers, they look great, they look cool. But controllers are meant to be used and I can't use these controllers without ever feeling guilty. They're too rare and valuable. On the Hand, special
edition consoles look cool but they also make much less sense to buy If you already have the console, though the design will
hold up for much longer. So I've come to the conclusion: That I won't buy anything ever. I'm not doing it. - So tell me where it all began. - All right. Hi, my name is Scott and
I'm not an alcoholic. - My name isn't Scott, and
this isn't an AA meeting. - Oh, thank God. I always hated those. I always felt out of place. I wish they would make it more
accessible to non-alcoholics. - You're stalling.
- I'm sitting. - We can do this the
easy way or the hard way. - I'm paying you.
- With a coupon. - You don't know what it's
like to go to therapy. - Hey, I got a life outside of this job. I go to therapy twice a week. - You're a therapist.
Where do you go to therapy? - The mirror.
- All right, fine. It all started at my desk. Hey all, Scott here. - So is this the first
time you've introduced yourself like that or is
this a re-occurring thing? - Pretty much every week. Say, do you want me to play
three of Nintendo's worst games of all time to end up wasting thousands of dollars in therapy? - That was some incredible foresight. - I plan my year ahead of time. Picture this. Making bad games. It's like making bad water. It's almost impossible. One of these companies is Nintendo, developer and publisher
widely believed to put out nothing but quality titles. I finally figured out
what this statement is. There were three games released in 2015 I believe to be nearly irredeemable. Some of the biggest mistakes
Nintendo's ever made. Games I consider to make up
the Dark Age of Nintendo. - Big deal. - That is the best thing a
therapist could say to me. - You shouldn't let the products of a multi-billion
dollar children's company affect your mental health. - You don't understand, I have to play most Luigi-based products. I think it's a good time to
practice anything but sobriety. So let's take a look at
three Nintendo's worst games of all time, which weirdly enough, all released within two
months of each other. First one we should tackle is (screams). Animal Crossing amiibo Festival, The Rise of the Machines. Touch an amiibo? (chimes)
(screams) - Nintendo's E3 2015
digital event kicked off. Halfway through, a Happy
Home Designer trailer played. Then those glorious words, "World Premier," flew up on screen. It cuts to a Wii U game pad, holy (beep) And an Animal Crossing
figure gets scanned onto it. Holy (beep)! Animal Crossing on the Wii U, I called it. I called it! (soft game music) - So you, got incredibly
depressed over the announcement of a game in a series that
you aren't a huge fan of to begin with in the first place. - That's right. - Who the (beep) is this guy? - So, opening these up I got Shirt Wolf, Spunk Rat, Unemployed Mouse, Insomnia Duck, Better Than Me Gazelle, Bright of an Aardvark, Self-Conscious Dog, Ye Old Lion, Hair Duck,
Sex Frog, Kyle, and Mammal. Well, I can't possibly play Animal Crossing amiibo Festival by myself. What do I look like, a (beep) loser? I at least, need to play
Animal Crossing amiibo Festival with one other person. - Oh (beep) no. (beep) no. I'm not playing it. No. No! - I'm telling the story in past tense. I am forwarding this message to everybody in my contacts list. If you stopped by tonight, we can play... Gex. (doorbell rings) Did not take you as a Gex fan. - I'm not. I knew you were lying and I'll
do anything not Gex related. - Even amiibo Festival? - Yeah - Is it Gex night? I've been waiting for this for years. - Yeah. - Oh, I love Gex. - We get the rules explained to us and this is going to take an
hour and a half to finish. - Do we really have enough
stamina to last that long? I haven't eaten since
yesterday two weeks ago. - Yeah and I know Gex. An hour and a half is
really low balling it. - Okay. We'll buy some food. All right, what do you guys want? I only have enough money for
one thing we can all share. - It doesn't matter to me.
- Yeah, I'm starving. I couldn't care less right now. - All right. Hi, I'll take one corn dog. - You went to Sonic? - Not just that, I ate there. - Should've came sooner. - [Scott] So, when you have
some players to play a real life video game with, before you start a game you need to make sure you
and your team are nourished because this is going to take
whole lot of effort and time. The last thing you want anybody to do During a game of Animal
Crossing amiibo Festival is leave to do something else. Animal Crossing Quiz Show, the perfect game to play with people who don't know Animal
Crossing all too well. What is this? - It's a fish! Hey all, Scott here. I like candles, sue me. I should stop ending sentences with that, but I like them, they're fun and I just bought all these
from the store on clearance. They must be clearing the
shelves for even more candles. And I'm sure somebody new will make them. What the hell is this? We got the Sly Cooper
trilogy on PlayStation 2, a beloved set of stealth platformers developed by Sucker Punch. Now I have no nostalgia for these titles as I was too invested in. (bell ringing) Hey all, Scott here. I have hobbies. I'm only human. I like talking harshly about Mario Kart 7, being somewhat critical of Mario Kart 7, negatively speaking about
Mario Kart 7, hiking, (beep) despising Mario Kart 7. I kind of want there to
be a balance between this (beep) this (beep) (beep) (beep) (beep) and this is a little too easy. Wiggler, everyone wanted
to drive as a caterpillar. Don't lie. I mean, I don't need
Waluigi. He's not shelter. Well, let's hop into the first cup and, (Mario Kart countdown begins) it's (beep) Mario Kart again! Overall, I'd say the items
seven were pretty underwhelming, however, it turns out that movement I was a part of in 2011,
actually accomplished something. I don't even care about the coins, I just had a free year. But Hey, don't take my word for it. Dear God don't, it's probably wrong. Hey all, Scott here. Look at this. It's my integrity. I will
do anything for money. The statement still stands! Well, doing anything for money covers pretty much everything
for money, except for... my soul. I was looking to lose a few pounds anyway, so I just need to find somebody who's willing to buy it from me. There we go. Just listed
one soul on Craigslist. We have a buyer. Welcome! (beep) I spelled "soup." I'm going to have to live with integrity for the rest of my life if I
don't do something about it. I can't live with myself
knowing I can live with myself. All right. Raid: Shadow
Legends downloaded. I've never heard anybody
say anything about this game that wasn't pure bull(beep)
they were paid to say. I'm so excited to see why I
never wanted to play this. This is the best mobile RPG of the year. What am I looking at
here? The Bill of Rights? I swear, all mobile games are the same. You need a magnifying
glass to read anything and it's never obvious what
you're supposed to click. Uh... This one. Well, we're this far in and I'm still not sure
what the title means. This is the kind of title that's so vague, it can work across every
single living product. It's either Latin or I can play further to find out what significancy it has. It's Latin. Well, that's enough Raid:
Shadow Legends for me today, I'm off to go to my Vimeo account. Now that I've contaminated
it with talking about the best RPG mobile game of
the year to see if Plarium wants to sponsor me! Wait... If the entire point of
them sponsoring everybody about this game was to just
get the word out about it, I did exactly what they wanted me to do without even getting paid for it. Even if I reiterate "This
is just some garbage generic RPG mobile game. I
don't give a piss about it. I don't find it fun at all. Haha!" It doesn't matter. They just want the word
Shadow, Raid and Legends to be everywhere. They already won. Bad publicity, good
publicity, they don't care! I lost my soul talking about this game and I didn't even get paid for it. Now, I may have lost my pride, but I can always buy that back. What I'm really worried
about is my Vimeo presence. The idea people will look at
me as the guy who willingly talked about Raid: Shadow
Legends without getting paid, do I look like I stoop that low? What if I want to branch out on Vimeo and talk about my stupid Nintendo games? My opinions and views may be undermined by the fact that I was
trying to lure in the company by advertising and talking
positively about their product. Why would anybody trust my opinion when I would've been
that easily bought out? And if I did get the sponsorship, why would anybody respect my opinions on stupid Nintendo games if I
openly got paid for a (beep) mobile game I wouldn't have
talked about otherwise? I think I like having a soul. I'm glad I didn't go
through with a sponsorship. I may have tried, but I learned my lesson. I'm officially the most
prideful user on Vimeo. (phone rings) Yes, this is ScottManFun from Vimeo. Ziploc's (beep) great. Hey all, Scott here. Holding a Gubble. It's
Wednesday all right. You know, it's moments like this, that really makes me appreciate
collecting video games. Like where would I be without that? Hey all, Scott here. Where the (beep) is Gubble? And I can tell you back
in 2013, I never expected in a million years, I
would have owned "Glover." Look at me now. Back in the day, I was
petrified at the thought of telling people I even knew
what the word Nintendo was. I didn't want people knowing I was a-- Now I'll gladly tell you about Mario and Wario on the Super Famicom. I don't care. It used to be pretty difficult for me to express myself
about my interests back then. I had this feeling that
people would look down on me for knowing so much about video games. I don't want to look like
a loser in high school. I wear Nike socks and use Axe body spray damn it, I'm cool, I swear. Oh, who cares it doesn't matter. Look at me. Do I look like I don't do this? And my collection wouldn't be complete without "Personal Trainer Walking." Wanna know how much I paid for it? You know, it's rude to ask
people what their salary is. Yes, I personally don't want to get to the point where I know the difference between plastic seals on video games. But if we're going to
go through the basics, we have to know this is
how you get on a list. Game collecting is a
fun hobby to get into. And I really hope I
inspired somebody out there who's lonely to become lonely and in debt. Now I think the only thing left to do is to go through my favorite
things in the collection. The "Super Smash Brothers
Ultimate Special Edition." This is a nice fat little box. I love adjectives and this too. The entirety of my Wii U collection. I have one of the last major
releases being "Axiom Verge." Some of the more rare games like "Mario and Sonic at the
Rio 2016 Olympic Games," "Wii Sports Club" and of
course, "Hello Kitty Cruisers." Fun fact, this game is bad. Hey all, Scott here. I think I've reahed a critical
point in my life recently. I feel like I have to actually
get up and do something rather than just piss around talking about the Game
Boy Color or whatever. So, this is it. I need to decide. Do I get up and contribute to society or do I talk about the Game Boy Color? Yes, finally! I can experience
the Game Boy in color. This is the original Game
Boy released in 1989, it obviously released that year, there was no way you could miss it. The Game Boy Color had hundreds of games that only worked on the Game Boy Color. Definitely more than
a lot of other systems that were considered "their own thing." So, I don't care! The Game Boy Color, to me, will always be the first true successor
to the original handheld. It's its own system. If I defend the game system this much, do you think it will notice? So to quote any parent who picks this up: "What the (beep) is this?" But then we have the
games that are apparently too good to be seen on the
original Game Boy models. These have distinct Game Boy
Color logos on the cartridges, are translucent and have convex tops. Easiest way to put it, the
original Game Boy cartridges you could use as pill organizers. Game Boy Color, not so much. The Game Boy Color has a weird library and I think the launch titles
are indicative of that. I know I said how I consider
it to be its own system, but so many of the titles
that are labeled as Game Boy Color games
are just Game Boy games that display in color when
you pop them in the system. But there are still tons of games that were exclusive to the Game Boy Color that took advantage of
the better hardware. But it just so happened around
the time that color released, Nintendo got really weird with what they considered
publishing worthy. I would scream if they
ever decided to publish a game called "Little
Mermaid 2 Pinball Frenzy." Yeah, Nintendo didn't do a
ton of huge first party stuff on this machine, but
they published damn near anything they could. "Quest for Camelot?" Go for it. "Bugs Bunny Crazy Castle 3?" Why not. "Beauty and the Beast A Board
Game Adventure?" (beep) it. "Hamtaro Ham-Hams
Unite!?" I've heard worse. "Little Mermaid 2 Pinball Frenzy?" (Scott screaming) I may have been wrong about this thing. This system isn't nearly as
in-depth as I thought it was. A lot of the games that were labeled as Game Boy Color titles
were just Game Boy Games with colors programmed into them. Even Nintendo support on this thing was really weird and lackluster. We got a few original Zeldas,
some ports and remakes, Mario Sports titles an enhanced Pokemon. That's basically it, but still, original Zeldas and a Pokemon. Those are huge games for
Nintendo to just put them on a simple upgraded
Game Boy, if it was only a simple upgraded Game Boy. What the (beep) was this thing? An excuse for me to waste 17 minutes. The Nintendo Wii, one of the best-selling
consoles of all time. It's mission; appeal to people
outside of the gaming crowd with games and controllers
that were simple and intuitive. First everybody, then the world. The Wii was a success
due to how simple it was. So why was there so much
(beep) you could buy for it? Oh my God, it's a Wii owner, sir, would you buy any of this? Oh, I would buy (beep) anything. But we can't just stop
at the Liability Wand, we can make this so much more realistic. We can put it in a wheel, put
it in a gun, put it in a kid. You'd have to plug the
nunchuck into this rear port, which offered endless opportunities. So many other Wii controllers
use this, there's never been this many possibilities
with just one hole. On contrary to popular belief,
the Wii-mote wasn't perfect. It's okay, who cares
about religion anyways? It may be just plastic, but
that never stopped publishers from adding "Compatible with Wii Wheel" to their game boxes. Oh yes, it's compatible
with the Wii Wheel. Is it also compatible
with the concept of love? See, the concept behind Wii
Speak was great at the time, you wouldn't have to wear
headphones with a mic, no wires, just talk to your TV, and
hear your friends talk back. It felt like a very Wii
way to do voice chat. The problem was, that microphone was right next to your TV speakers, so while it would pick up your voice, it would also pick up the game's audio and your friend's voice
and their games audio, non-stop echoing. So it was just my favorite
definition of not good. They may have said it was
designed to mute the game audio or echoes, but this is
the same company who said, let's make the Wii Speak. You can download the Wii
Speak Channel alongside it. Coming in December. It doesn't work anymore, but it would allow you to
chat with your friends. This was pretty much the
extent of Wii Speak's use. It was compatible with a few other games, whether it was for online voice chat or just to give certain
games microphone support. Well, "Wheel of Fortune" and "Jeopardy" let you record victory
and defeat catchphrases, while also letting you speak your answers. It works about as good as I'd say it does. It doesn't. You know, the Wii Speak
is worth it for recording victory and defeat sounds
and wheel of fortune alone. - [Host] You got it!
(screams) (screams) And Nintendo wanted to do even
more health-related jargon on the console, which brings
us to the Wii Vitality Sensor. It released. Gotcha. At E3 2009, Nintendo fans'
worst nightmare was revealed. So here's the thing, for what it is, uDraw functions fine enough,
It does in fact work, but not well enough for
Wacom to grit their teeth. Left-handed people are
a (beep) sin to uDraw. this tablet was obviously
designed with righties in mind. You use the Wii Remote buttons
to control certain elements while the stylus is on the
right-hand side of the device attached by a cord shorter than the list of Wii Speak compatible games. The included software is
just a simple art program. There's loads of things to do here, like boot it up, draw a horse... The possibilities are endless.
You can also play Pictionary. Guess what word I'm drawing? That's right. Arrows. All right, it's time to
shoot whatever comes up! (beep) "Babysitting Mama," a
spin-off of "Cooking Mama." This one's all about not shaking the baby. We have this plush doll
we slide our Wii Remote in and then we plug a nunchuck
into the baby's back Portable video games, allowing you to play games
in inappropriate situations. They make loitering a
whole lot less obvious and give you something
to do with funerals. Take God for their existence, what would I do on the bus
without them humans(beep)? No, they didn't make "Warioland
4" for me to talk to people. I have to play it. Portable electronic game
devices started appearing by the mid 70s with stuff
like "Mattel Auto Race." Every timeline starts
with "Mattel Auto Race." Prior to the mid 60s,
Nintendo was primarily into... (Whirring) Playing carts it is. In 1975 they released
EVR Race into arcades. I've spit games more iconic than that. While EVR Race might not
have lit the world on fire but that's okay. Nintendo followed it up
with "Shooting Trainer," we're overdue at this point. That's where "Skyhawk"
comes into the picture. I would tell you the impact it left, but I got a letter from everybody. And with that, he would design the next video game product of Nintendo. It's name? Well I know how Nintendo
would name bread now. And that wasn't until the next series, the multi-screen series. All right, first one to answer wins. What does this remind you of? A clam. And if we want to extend
these plagiarism allegations even further, various DS
games utilize the system on its side, like a book. And what do we have here? You son of a bitch plagiarist,
what if they noticed? They sort of missed the point of the original Game and Watch units. They're so bulky and not nearly
as classy as the other ones. You whip this out at a funeral you're going to be the life of the party. Of course, we got some "Donkey Kong" ones, here I have "Donkey Kong II." What? This is the only game
called "Donkey Kong 2." Of course the sequel to
the original "Donkey Kong" was "Donkey Kong Jr." And then they moved right
on over to "Donkey Kong 3," the Game and Watch game
decided to cut the (beep) because this is, by all accounts, heavily inspired by "Donkey
Kong Jr" in the arcades. This is pretty much just
a renamed version of "Donkey Kong Jr." But they already made a "Donkey
Kong Jr." Game and Watch before this, what the hell is this thing? Hey all, Scott here. I've always wanted to be a remake, be a better version of my past self, maybe in HD or 3D. I always base my decisions
off of what "Crest" does, but that, of course, means
sacrifices are in order. I can't just go and remake
the entirety of my life in 3D without the budget going through the roof. So I have to start cutting content. (playful music) (clattering) Yes, a new game console. I can't wait to play
the latest and greatest. Don't look at me. Every single piece of
thing is people saying, man, things were better back then. World War II? (beep) that. It's all about the classics. See, I recognize those three
words, I should see that. Oh man, I recognize these
words too. I should do this. But then you had "Donkey Kong." Nice tagline. Like, by (beep) it's "Space
Invaders" on Super Nintendo. The original game came out in 1978. Well now it's 1994, bitches. (video game beeps) I gotta check the calendar. See, I wish I popped in the
"Ratchet and Clank Collection" and had a cool menu, with tons of extras, and behind the scenes features, you know, scratch that, I want none of that. Oh my God. Thank you Sony. Which games are classified as which? Well, I'm glad you asked because
welcome to a safety hazard. We have a lot of remix
remasters and re-releases to go through here,
which ones are remakes, which ones remasters,
which ones re-releases. Which ones are going to fall? We are really getting
ahead of ourselves here. And this is a compilation of
"Silent Hill 2 and 3" in HD. Good for it. But it's not good. This is a buggy, amateur feeling remaster of these two games. But the studio who remastered
them had to work with the code Konami gave them,
which was unfinished. They didn't have the
finalized code from the game. So they had to rebuild
parts of it themselves. Does that make this a remake? I'll throw it in the
"Silent Hill HD Collection" pile to be safe. "Wii Sports Club," I think is a remaster. They had to remake it for Wii Motion Plus. They're the exact same games, though. "Silent Hill HD Collection." "Grand Theft Auto San
Andreas" on Xbox 360. This is lame. This is the mobile phone version on 360. It runs weird and a lot
of the user interface still looks like it was
made for a touchscreen. Now, if you want to
consider this as derivative of the mobile phone version,
then it's a re-release. If you want to consider this as derivative of the original release, it's a remaster. (clattering) Well, I think I'm finally ready to start the 3D remake of my life now
that my cost has been cut. I just want to see what my
life warrants on the board. Son of a bitch! Hey all, Scott here. What'll it be? - [Croud] Mario Kart 8. - This is a bar. Yes, all of these games
were varying levels of good, but can you really blame
anybody with a pulse for not buying a Wii U? Oh my God. "Mario Kart 8" was the Wii U
big chance to redeem itself. The system's killer app. Up until it's release, the
console was just kind of... And when Mario Kart 8 came
out, the console went from... To... Contrary to what most will say, the launch was pretty solid in my opinion, there was quite a lot to play
and no games that made anybody other than the diehard Nintendo fan boy, who'll buy anything they
released, buy the console. It's Wario. All right, let's be fair,
an original 3D Mario was kinda what the Wii U
needed to feel justified, with it's banana boat controller. Surely, a 3D Mario would
take advantage of it, I mean, the Nintendo 64 controller was
made with "Mario 64" in mind. E3 2013 arrived? (joyful video game music) I'm sad. And ever since, look at this
thing, it did really well, had a ton of wonderful games
and kept getting game releases in 2019, my God. All seven Koopalings were
going to be playable racers. Thank God. I'd say this was a pretty
neat announcement initially, but I think people realized
how ridiculous this was when they saw the final
character select screen. Like, imagine this is your brain, Jesus man, seven tumors. Of course, something I look forward to with every Mario Kart game
is the battle mode, which, weirdly enough, Nintendo
wasn't detailing at all with this game. We didn't know anything about
it up until it's released, but you know, you can't really mess up battle
mode that much at its worst. It'll probably be like
"Mario Kart Wii" again. And even then, that was tolerable. It was just kind of not my favorite. So either way, let's
take a look at the game that saved the Wii U. (buzzer) The game that justified the Wii U. (buzzer) The game. Heading into the menus. Well, I don't know what
else I'm going to do. But that's not all, we
got two other characters in the form of Baby Rosalina. Listen, as your resident
"Mario Galaxy" player, that game had an entire
backstory for Rosalina. And I will say, Baby
Rosalina makes no sense. Now Baby Luigi, that's fine. And of course, Pink Gold Peach. (wind blowing) Well, let's get a move on to the tracks. We select the first cup and... (upbeat music) (birds chirping) (upbeat music) They finally changed
the Mario Kart formula. Sweet Sweet Canyon is all
about donuts in the store. It's a wild track to describe that makes you look (beep)
insane if you tried to. (beep) donuts everywhere. Was this game rushed? Obviously, no, not my Mario Kart 8. They put so much love and attention in every little detail with this game. And this was probably an
example of them going, no, we want this to make Mario Kart TV feel more like a sports broadcast thing. Either way we have one
more mode to checkout. And that is Battle Mode. (beep) What the (beep) is that? Battle mode has been a staple
of the Mario Kart series ever since the very
beginning, but, seemingly was getting less and less
attention with each entry. And of course, with Mario Kart 8, Nintendo barely mentioned it until damn near 20
seconds after it released. Baloon Battle is all we got here. Wait, Moo Moo Meadows? That's a track. Oh, oh my God. Wait, I'm not supposed to
talking about this yet. Let's talk about the updates. I am a bit bummed out by
the lack of things to do in the game outside of racing. Like, basically play the
grand Prixs and play on line. That's all you can really do. But when it comes down to it, Mario Kart 8 was the definitive
Mario Kart experience at the time of its release. but they just had to
(beep) up the Battle Mode. So they didn't put any
battle tracks in here, they just used existing ones. Okay, that's already lame but they couldn't have even been bothered to alter the tracks just a
bit to make them more suitable for battle mode. They're terrible. They're so big and
designed to loop around. They aren't small closed in arenas like battle track should be. And out of all the tracks to
choose, why Toad's Turnpike? Why Yoshi Valley? Why Toad Harbor? And when you die in Battle
Mode, you come back as a ghost and can still hurt the other players. That's not fair. What the hell are they
doing with this mode? It's ridiculous. I almost would have preferred that they just didn't bring the mode back, or at the very least
that they just remastered old battle stages and nothing more. That would have been okay. But no, instead this is the worst mode in any Mario Kart game. And it used to be my favorite. Nintendo, what is wrong with you? See, that should show
you how bad this mode is. It made me break something, but I still did that out
of anger towards Nintendo. What the (beep) am I doing? Hey all, Scott here. (scream) I hate walls. Why do I live here? Have you ever realized there's a reason for these things to exist? That's right. You haven't,
'cause there isn't any. But for some reason, the wall
companies have a monopoly on console video games. It's just the reality we live
in now, the way God intended. Super Nintendo cartridges
must be played indoors. Yeah, that's right, God. You know what was the coolest thing ever? Playing a game in an
environment you couldn't normally play that game in. This is (beep) incredible! Now I don't own a Turbo Express because I spend all my money on not this. But I do have a Sega Nomad. Could you tell? So to play this on the go, we're going to need a battery pack. Dammit. All right, I'll go inside just this once to try this thing out
after that, never again. Not being able to put a Sega Nomad in my pocket is my worst nightmare. This truly is a Sega Genesis on the go. You just can~t attach any of the ad-ons like the Sega-CD or Sega 32X. I mean, who cares? What was I really going to
play Fahrenheit on the go? Yeah. But what if we want a little more power with a lot less compromise? We'll say hello to the PS1 LCD Monitor, a way to play your
favorite PlayStation games on a portable LCD screen as
long as you're connected... (grunts) One more trip inside and we can
play our PS1 games portably. But I recall seeing all these
screen cases for your Xbox 360 or PlayStation 3 or Xbox
One and PlayStation 4 where it's fundamentally a carrying case with the TV screen built inside. This way, your child doesn't
have to go, God forbid, a minute talking to people at grandma's. Definitely more than
possible to take that and turn it into a somewhat
affordable portable. That's how we got these
SupaBoy by HyperKin. Let's turn it on. Geez, I can't see the screen.
That sun is too bright. Son of a bitch! But HyperKin is still releasing new iterations of the SupaBoy This one was the original release. The later models use a widescreen display that stretches out the games. Why? What was the point of this? No super Nintendo games were widescreen. I get widescreen displays
are more readily available than four by three displays right now. But why couldn't they program these things to not stretch the games
out to fill the screen? God, I am pissed at
this thing I don't own. Well, that's a look at
console gaming on the go. So a lot of these things
are actually pretty cool, but they have a lot of
roadblocks involved. Though, I'm willing to
look past a lot of them with these portable home consoles, I never have to go indoors ever again. (rain pouring) I still believe that. Look what just happened,
can't rain indoors, the outside it's amazing. That's right. (beep) you house. Hey all, Scott here. You know, there's this
neat thing that happens whenever I talk about game compilations, my house catches on fire. (fire blazing) It's happened once before. It's practically a
tradition at this point, but I'm laser focused on safety this time. I have a fire extinguisher on standby and loads of safe thoughts up here. Before I start, I should probably take all
my flammables off the floor. It's weird they don't count
these as actual additions to the collection and
just label them as extras. Were people that pissed that
Sega called Game Gear games, real games? They're bonuses. They're bonuses! "Namco Museum Remix" on the Wii is how I realized I wasn't
deaf, but I may be soon. (upbeat music) There's some unreleased stuff
and some extras which is nice, but I hate to say it, I don't think I'm that
into the Intellivision. I'm 22 and said what? - (sighs) You're a therapy machine. You're going to therapize good tonight. You're going to be the best therapist a therapist will ever asked for. You're going to do great. (door opening)
- So I was thinking we could tackle
- What the (beep)? - Ultra Smash next, this game
- What the (beep)? - left me traumatized.
- Who gave you my address? Why are you here? What the (beep).
- So just Wait, wait, wait. Let's go one at a time. You first. - What the (beep) are you
doing here in my house? - Okay. Fair question. Now it's my turn. I was hoping we could bang
out some more therapy. You are a therapist. I'm (chuckles) traumatized. It all works out. - I can't give you therapy
right now. It's daytime. I'm a night therapist. - Don't make credits transfer over? Listen, I didn't become a therapist to hear you vent about amigo festival. - "Amiibo Festival." - I'm not registered to
give advice about that. - Well then are you a
registered therapist at all? - So, tell me about that
dumb (beep) tennis game that hurt your feelings. - I don't know. I feel like you're only talking to me now, so then I don't tell anybody you're not registered to be a therapist. I feel like I almost have
to pay you to listen to me. - So it's therapy. - (laughs hesitantly) Yeah,
that's pretty much therapy. After "Animal Crossing amiibo Festival," I decided it was time to move on to smaller and worse things. I was at my desk again. Hey all, Scott here. - Yes!
- What? - Oh, before every therapy session, I make predictions. I nailed that one. I'm really good at reading people. Just like, you're not pregnant. - How did you know? - Oh, I just kind of get this stuff. Like how I made the human
pregnancy test in high school. - Well, I'm still on a
quest to play through three of Nintendo's
worst games of all time. I just finished up "Animal
Crossing amiibo Festival" and my eyes can no longer feel joy, so let's check more
body parts off the list with "Mario Tennis Ultra Smash." - Okay, so what was this game's deal? Was it good? - What do you think? - Based on the information,
it's hard to tell. What is an "ultra smash?" Is it a move in the game? Is it the game itself? Or is it just two words that have no business
being together at all? - Yes. "Mario Tennis," one of the
greatest series of games Nintendo's ever produced. Somebody probably said that before. The Mario pyramid
showcases a series' growth from simple beginnings
to (beep) everything. Yeah, Mario's sports
titles were some of the go-to multiplayer party games. They were incredibly popular. So when the next system rolled around... - Oh, they really just sort of disappeared for a While. - You really are the human pregnancy test. It's an all right game, I'd take this in comparison
to a lobotomy most days. - Something better than a lobotomy? - Most days. "Mario Tennis Ultra
Smash" was the first time I've ever used the term "Mario
Tennis Ultra Smash" is bad. They just started a trailer
for a new Mario Tennis game. Hell yes. I am completely
indifferent to Mario Tennis. - So let's do just Alfredo party? - "Amiibo Festival." - This already wasn't a series you liked. - That's right. It was
a series I tolerated. - So why does it matter to you if this game got announced
or turned out to be bad? Even if it was the greatest
tennis game of all time, you still probably wouldn't care about it. - That's not true. I wouldn't probably not care about it. I just wouldn't care about it. Why does Nintendo love
"Mario Tennis" so much? I'm sure the Wii didn't get its own game, but it at least got a
re-release of the Game Cube one. Then we got "Open" on the 3DS, "Ultra Smash" on Wii U, then tennis was included
as one of the five sports in "Mario Sports
Superstars" on 3DS in 2017, including horseback riding. Thank (beep). And then with no hesitation, a new Mario Tennis game after that. Like guys, I know the
series has the fable fan who thinks Mario tennis
is the greatest series Nintendo's ever made out there somewhere. Oh, we'll find them. Whatever, okay, it's
releasing holiday of 2015. They obviously want to
save a bunch of stuff about this game to reveal later. This obviously isn't the entire game. The game was playable on E3 show floor and my God that is old artwork of Peach. Looking at the game play, it was just tennis. - Yeah, it's a tennis game. What were you expecting? - You don't understand. It was just tennis. - Oh my God. - The "Love All" trailer. This one introducing the
tagline of "play tennis" with "Super Mario powers." They had me at this game having a tagline. Well, at least at this point,
the game got actual box art and the release date was November 20th. One week after "Animal
Crossing amiibo Festival." I (beep) hate calendars. - So November 20 came around
and you bought the game? You bought the game? - Actually no, none at all. - You're making great progress. - This was five years ago. I held back on this game for a while. I didn't want to support Nintendo rushing out games that were overpriced and lacking content just
fill their holiday lineup. So I told that video game company, they ain't seen a dime from me. They may be a multi-billion
dollar Japanese corporation, but let them be a lesson to them. I ain't given them any of my business when it comes to $50 tennis games. Now, when I see it on sale for $25, two years later, then I'll bite. Look at this box art.
I'll give the game this. It looks good. The layout's nice, Luigi. Unleash your jump shots
to take the advantage! God, the marketing people
were trying with this game. This blurb is like if a dictionary had a "harness the power
of words" on the back. Yeah (chuckles), that's always a good sign when the age rating doesn't
have anything to say about the game. No coming mischief, cartoon
violence, or sexual content like "Mario Power Tennis." The fact "amiibo Festival"
is racier than "Ultra Smash," I don't know what to make of that. The disk? Yeah. They just plastered random characters all around it and call it a day. - Oh no! No! Not the disk art. - That was the one thing I
thought they couldn't ruin. - And they (beep) it! Nintendo (beep) it, just like they (beep)
our buds are friends. - "Amiibo Festival." - I don't care! - Well, this is it. A game I refuse to buy and play because of the principle of it all. You know, if I really
want it to be a hypocrite, I could just enjoy an RPG but (sighs) that's not going to happen. Oh my God, look! We have four unlockable
characters grayed out. Who could they be? Listen, I'd know that silhouette anywhere. I can't believe they
added Grover Cleveland. Do we want the game
copied to the game pad? and maybe even reverse view or dynamic? "Mario Tennis Ultra
Smash" is overwhelming me. Yeah. I was starting to
get a little sarcastic. - But there was a reverse view. - Yeah, I just realized
this is a tennis game. - You just realized? - This was my first time playing. It's meant to be played
with multiple people. I think that calls for
more people to play with. I just have to try to sweeten the deal to try and get them over here. I am forwarding this message to everybody on my contacts list. If you come over tonight,
I will inform you how your uncle just died. (doorbell rings) - Did not take you to
somebody who had an uncle. - I don't, I just couldn't
believe my uncle died again. - What if I told you your uncle didn't die and you can celebrate by playing tennis. - If there's one thing I
hated more than my uncle, it's tennis. - What's wrong with tennis? - I don't know. I just never thought I
was big enough to play. Like if I could grow comically
big will play in tennis, I'd give it a chance. - Well do I have an Ultra Smash for you? - As long as it's not Gex, I'm in. - Oh, is it Gex night? I love Gex night. - Didn't you get my message
about your uncle dying? - (laughing) He died for the third time? - Yeah. Let's fire up Gex. - (beep) Lizard Gex. Oh my God. If you were a Gex fan, you'd get that. - The game is uh it's, it's just tennis! (grunts) - [Scott] You just use different buttons for different types of shots, but honestly just hitting
whatever button you want, does the trick. Sure, performing different shots, at the right moments, is
what skillful players do, which is why we don't. Hey, hey, wait a second. (grunts) Yep this is just a single player oriented version of Mega Battle. It's for true Mega Battle Gex fans only. Go up against an opponent, beat them. Go up against another one, beat them. Go up against another one. - And then what? - I don't remember. And it's just a never
ending endurance mode until you lose against somebody. Basically this game's excuse
for a single player offering. Of course, the farther you go, the more coins you get. That's right, "Mario Tennis Ultra Smash" has an economy. - And mega battle. - [Scott] Now you can use an amiibo figure in this mode as your partner. For some reason you can't
just have another player play with you or a standard CPU. It has to be an amiibo. So crack out your Animal Crossing amiibo, try scanning them, realize the game only works
with certain Mario amiibo. Sulk. Enter your pockets, scan amiibo. Well, that's Knockout Challenge. It's just Mega Battle. - (chuckes) It is. - [Scott] Moving on to classic tennis. This is tennis without the Mega Mushrooms. - All right. You know what? That's the last (beep) straw. All right, I don't (beep) need this. All right. (beep) you! (beep) this! And (beep) tennis! - [Scott] We can even
bring our amiibo online to play alongside us. And now all we have to do is find a match. (energetic music) - Wait, wait, wait Gex online wasn't this bad. What the (beep) is this game? I (beep) had it. (beep) you. (beep) this. And (beep) tennis. - [Scott] All right, what else? Does the electronic
manual count as a mode? So that's "Mario Tennis Ultra Smash," and overall, it's bad Tennis. - With Mega Battle. - Such a classic Gex move. It makes you think it's not Gex, then comes out and says,
"I'm a bad tennis game." It's great. Gex is a terrible tennis game. - Well, you know, they say. If you play two bad
video games for children, you're bound to end up in therapy somehow. - Actually I played three. - Wait, no. No. That's impossible! You don't mean? No! No! No! No! No! - So this may be the worst game
I've ever played in my life, but what about the final,
terrible Nintendo game that released in 2015? This was a 3DS game that released right alongside of "amiibo
Festival" and "Ultra Smash," and it absolutely murdered a series I've always had a soft spot for, so let's try out "Mario
Party The Top 100." This released two years later
and is not in the running. Why is the floor wet? (suspenseful music) (water splashes) - Ahhh!
(suspenseful music) - [Broadcaster] And we're
back with "Say That Answer!" For $5,000, what city-- - Pass! - [Broadcaster] Is best
known for entertainment? - South Carolina. - [Broadcaster] Besides Hollywood? - What's the city? South America. Hey all, Scott here. I'm an idiot. So you watch all these game shows and you think you have what
it takes to make it big. Then they happened to ask the one question you didn't write on your skin. This isn't over. I'm going back on "Say That Answer!" But this time, I'll be prepared. (dramatic music) Write that down. I wanna feel smart but I don't want to do anything about it. (wheel turning) I'm an (beep) genius. You got the visuals, the sounds, the host, all the setting up to
giving you the illusion Pat Sajack exists. This is jeopardy on the NES, See, I always use our data
sources of trivia while studying. They were right at some point. That's the only way I know
everything about the 33 states. Number of players? One. Skill level? If there
was a four I'd hit it. Versus computer? Yes, please. And now for my name. You know, "Jeopardy!" was
created by Merv Griffin. It was produced by Merv
Griffin Enterprises. I'll be Merv Griffin. Home field advantage. Of course only MERVGR fits but at least we have a healthy
selection of characters to shuffle through. So this is how God made humanity. We're up against Larry. We're up against Sandy. They're up against death. (video game beeps) Okay, so categories. I get to pick the first one. Oh, Fishy Names. Fishy Names! I'm an expert on this stuff. Former FCC chairman called
TV a vast Wasteland. All right, so I'll buzz in and figure out the answer as I type. You have to type your entire answer in and there's a time limit. So if you just realize the
answer is Lemony Snicket, you'll better be a quick typer. (techno tones) Oh my God, how could "Jeopardy!" be wrong? Oh, now Larry's deciding to chime in. (typing) (techno tones) Oh, thank God. If Larry got that one right, I would not know what
to do with this degree. All right, this tiny short-haired dog is originally from Mexico. Easy, Chihuahua. I forget how to spell it so hopefully they'll get the gist. (techno tones) I really only know fishy names. Larry what'd you got? All right, this is (beep) ridiculous. I'm getting shafted. Larry's just lost it. Sandy's not doing a damned thing. Half of this is better
than none, glass of water. (techno tones) But I'm right. All right, name something
you'd take from room to room? A cat. (buzzer beeps) Back to "Jeopardy! Oh, look at Larry. Using an ampersand in
his "Jeopardy!" answer. Now I have some standards to live up to. One who has a full membership
in a state or nation. Me? A carnival performer
who bites the heads off of live chickens. Oh, it's really quite obvious. Oh that's right. Larry knows was all about this. What is a geek? I really need to reevaluate what I am. Back to "Family Feud." If you had four extra hours
a day, what would you do? Elope. (buzzer beeps) Not elope. (buzzer beeps) Go. (buzzer beeps) Family Feud" SNES." (bell rings) - Too bad. But I guess
it could have been worse. - Yeah, if I die. There, what is this? (techno sounds) Mineral water. - [Game Host] No. - [Audience] Oh. - We're going back to "Jeopardy!" She is Mel Lazarus'
cartoon-strip character. Oh, I know this. Damn it, Sandy. She stole my answer. This band leader married his
vocalist, Harriet Hilliard. (upbeat music)
Pass. Name something. (bell ringing)
Milk. That comes in a spray can. Milk again. (buzzer beeps) I may need to walk through. What does a woman say when a man proposes? I'll think about it. (buzzer beeps) Ask again later. (buzzer beeps) I don't know, can you? (buzzer beeps) I'm busy this weekend. (buzzer beeps) Who are you? (buzzer beeps) Another name for an asphalt road surface? Road. This special bike has only one wheel. A really bad car. (techno sounds) This is the President's home. America. (buzzer beeps) Who ran for president? Didn't Becky run? (buzzer beeps) My buddy, Ed. He definitely. (buzzer beeps) Me. I would like to announce I am. (buzzer beeps) All right, a thing. Apparently an R is the
third letter in the word. It's not Fort Wario. I checked. Dork Boney. The Card Banko. Park Bench. Okay, come on. First question on "Who
Wants to Be a Millionaire?" Okay, I'll phone a friend. - [Game Host] She thinks it's B. Should probably asked
the audience to be sure. (dramatic music) Narrowed down 50 50. Oh the audience says it's A but you know, I never
trusted this audience. (dramatic music) 'Cause I wasn't a millionaire. I don't wanna see the
second question anyways. Who needs it? Besides Hollywood? What city is known for entertainment? Oh my God. This was the question that
messed me up on the game show. (buzzer beeps) Damn it! Besides Hollywood, okay. Not Hollywood and not South Carolina. (buzzer beeps) That was pure instincts typing that in. Okay, not South America. (buzzer beeps) I'm really disappointed in myself. A city known for entertainment. Circuit City. (buzzer beeps) Am I wrong? Name an entertainer who ha. Dilbert. He's hilarious. (buzzer beeps) Oh, name an entertainer
who has been around for as long as you can remember. Yeah, Dilbert. (buzzer beeps) Circuit City. (buzzer beeps)
(beep) Just a heads up. Do not write years out in letters and then finish them off with numbers. They don't accept that. This type of abandoned "Town"
features 170 buildings. Oh, Fort Wario. Wasn't in "Wheel of Fortune. It has to be here. Regrettably, no. I wish. If you don't know what this Greek sea god also created the horse, say neigh. - [Game Host] No. Sorry. - What was I supposed to say? - [Game Host] The year the man seen here won the presidential election. - Take a look at your monitor. - Alex Trubek. All right, Guys named Gary for 800. Bob Saget. (techno music) - [Game Host] Nope, that's not right. - [Scott] Oh, damn, yeah. That's right. Guy's named Gary. Gary Bob Saget. Name something that S. Snake, snake! (buzzer beeps) What's the first thing you open when you-- The womb. (buzzer beeps) What's the first thing you open. when you come home at night? Chars. (buzzer beeps) Car door.
(buzzer beeps) My mouth. (buzzer beeps) But what are the answers? (lively music) I said door! Name a place where people wear white. Me.
(buzzer beeps) Name a nursery rhyme that
has the word "old" in it. Holdy Bible. (buzzer beeps) Name something Y. (buzzer rings)
Why. (buzzer beeps) Name something. Okay. (buzzer beeps) Now name something people buy second hand. Okay.
(buzzer beeps) I did it. I'm a genius! I'm ready to go back and say that answer. - [Game Host] For $10,000. What was the second question in "Who Wants To Be a
Millionaire?" 2nd edition" for PlayStation One. - Hey all, Scott here. This is it, they're going
to reveal "Really Bad Game," I can't wait to see it. Maybe it'll be good! But first they have to show off the game "Technical Difficulties: Please Wait" and then after that, they're
going to reveal the game. There is a fire backstage:
Please exit immediately I really hope that's a working title. This is a press conference. And this (applause) is a
video game press conference. You see, to most companies or people. Press conferences
revolve around the person or people of interest
appearing in front of us all. They're real? For some reason, when it comes
to gaming press conferences, the bar is immediately raised. They're not just some
sap answering questions. We open up with an explosion, some guy comes out on stage yelling "F*ck you, here's Wario!" Listen, no matter how good or bad a press conference ends up being, will it really affect
public perception or sales? See, we may look like real
people, but on the inside, all we care about is if
that Xbox presentation was good or not. If you try starting a conversation
with people about that, one-time "Pac-Man Versus"
got revealed to E3 2003, you're gonna be struggling. When these things were truly
only meant to be viewed by the press. When they were focus on sales numbers and just being the absolute worst. - [Spokesperson] Into,
uh, 16-bit video games. And the industry seems
intent on moving onward... - [Scott] Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah. Uh-huh, uh-huh, yeah, uh-huh, yeah. Gaming press conference events and expos became boxing rings. And ever since each,
one invoked a sense of-- (beep) Sony! Watching a giant event that's all about celebrating video games. To the point of putting them
up on a jumbo screen in front of a totally not paid for audience, really makes it feel like, wow, Video games aren't a lousy
waste of time after all. Couple that with brand new games. We've never seen before, new information on
previously revealed titles and impending disappointment. And it's a dream come true. Sometimes game press
conferences are more exciting than the games they
actually talk about in them. Or they can be worse.
That's always an option. The host, this is a constant
with these presentations. Sometimes the host makes sense. They're a large figurehead
of the company in question and is a great public speaker as well. Or they just put up a Craigslist personal. I prefer when the host
has a direct connection to the gaming industry, rather than a celebrity who
says "I have loved games for my whole life, I played
Pac-Man twice and own a Wii." So here's how you host
a gaming presentation. Either wear something or wear something with basketball shorts. So you walk out on stage
and you have to wait for the applause to end. (crowd applauds) You might be here for a while. (crowd applauds) Welcome to the video
games press conference. Are you ready to see some games? (crowd applauds) No matter how good the response
is, it can always be better. Come on. Are you ready to see some games? I never understand the
purpose of asking for people to get louder with their applause. That just means that
they values the applause, if it happens, who cares anymore. If you say something you were
expecting to get applause and it didn't just stay silent until
somebody says something. - And we're not putting the
reason, in presentation. (crowd applauds)
Alright. Or if some jackass starts
applauding after every sentence, pause every time to let them get it out. We make games.
(crowd applauds) And we would like---
(crowd applauds) Yeah, yeah, woo, yeah.
(crowd applauds) And we love making games--
(crowd applauds) Yeah, yeah, yeah... You got to talk with your hands a lot and either act intimidating or act like you're just
an average video fan. Oh, I can't wait to play the video game in my jeans and shirt,
just like all of you. And when google got
into gaming with Stadia and the CEO said, yeah,
I'm not into games. Well, first off, why are you here? But at least he was honest,
when you have a host that looked like they
belong on QVC saying. Me personally, I can't wait to play "Dragon Quest IX Sentinels
of the Starry Skies" Next up is another game
I'm looking forward to, "My StopSmoking Coach." Nothing makes me want to buy a video game more than cube transitions. As you can see here, I
bought Microsoft Office. I was like the "Epic Mickey"
demo guy from E3 2010. He's just so well dressed,
and kept having to redo the same section over and over again. If I ever become a live demo player, I can only dream of
being that well dressed. I really got to hand it
to press conferences, they really sold me on really bad game. The trailers are in and there
was a dance number on stage. So let's press start and
see if it's any good. It's not. Hey all, Scott here. Online personality test.
I have no idea who I am. So I'll just let Google tell me. You have to shout to
make a point properly. - Yeah. Did you eat anything today? Tylenol. Do you just want to plug and play games? Do I have a face. I won! Once you were done with the setup, you'd flick the switch on
the controller and boom. Look at this. No power adapter necessary. It plugs directly into the TV. This is magical. Plug and plays were always
charming little distractions. They were easy gift ideas for kids. They were only like 20 bucks a pop. And you didn't have to think about what game console your kid had. All you had to know was, "Oh, my son likes circles. This'll do." But many times these plug and play games feel like an excuse to sell subpar games inside of a colorful container. Like I don't wanna play
this, I wanna eat it. Yes. This is the
controller you'd associate with the games included
on this plug and play. And then this is the plug and play you wouldn't be able to
identify in the street. Now, how did I never know that, considering there are
multiple signs showing that this is how you
control pull position? Oh, hey, it's my friend. I don't know how I didn't realize I just twist the joystick
in pull position, I was just a kid, leave me alone. - I hate my parents. - Like the cart came in the
box with the plug and play and was the only cart release
for the plug and play. So why make a cartridge
slot on the plug and play if there's only one cartridge for it and you could just build the
elements of the cartridge on the inside of the plug and play? What the (bleep) Etch-a-Sketch? I don't have this one anymore, so I threw the concept of it to the side, and make way for my
true final plug and play I owned as a kid, corroded batteries. I wish I would've known about
that before making that pact. You know, I always associated
RCA with TV remote. So they're one of my top 7,000 candidates were making a good game console. That'd be a thousand. But then, I mean, if you
want to play "Road Star," (video game beeps)
Don't There's also Go Bang, Animal Pool; that's not a sentence, it was a list. We have a "Lilo and Stitch" platformer. Duck Golf? No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That can't work. And, hey, at least it's fairly G-rated. True, you can combine the
letters from the title screen, to spell "Assrat", but I'm sure
the kids wouldn't know this. On the surface, these things may seem
nothing more than cheap toys, but extremely basic games for children. That sentence was finished the long ago. - Hey all, Scott here. What'll it be? [Crowd] Mario Kart 8! - This is a bar. What is happening? I already talked. Mario Kart 8 before. Wow. See, that's a fun quirk in talking about "Mario Kart 8 Deluxe,"
the space time continuum thinks you are just talking
about "Mario Kart 8" again, so it just gives up. If you are talking about
the same thing twice, the world doesn't know how to handle it. So, we have to convince God
that "8 Deluxe" isn't just "Mario Kart 8" again and we
aren't just repeating history. And that I should get new shoes. Many people didn't like
the character selection. This graph shows exactly how many didn't. The fact that you could only
hold one item at a time. This graph shows who did like that. It's a shame the game was only
available to Wii U owners. Isn't it fun to be stupid? None of these games were
confirmed to be actual games, they just said, oh they
might be real games, but take everything in this
trailer with a grain of salt. But come on, Nintendo, I'm not stupid. The Virgin radar was going off the charts. These were real games. But there was another one
shown off in the trailer that got people talking. "Mario Kart 8." A group of friends decided
to play it in the car, nothing fancy, just playing
on one of the DLC tracks with King Boo and two items slots Holy (beep)! Well, I'm sure they wanted to focus on new experiences coming
to the Nintendo Switch, rather than highlight an old Wii U game of there's coming over. It's smart to do that with a new console to really show how the Switch will be home to brand new experiences
rather than ass old ones. And a couple of years later
after that presentation, my favorite games on the Switch are the" Wright Brothers First Flight" and "The Agricultural Revolution." There's nothing but
old shit on this thing. I was so excited for this. The fact that we were getting a Mario Kart this early after system's
launch, that was incredible. I was already still pretty jazzed about the Switch launching, so add a new Mario Kart on top of that, I was thrilled. That was Mario Kart. They removed the stamps. So who's ready for me to (beep) lose it? But I'm worried how auto
acceleration and smart steering will affect the driving
abilities of our youth. All right. So did I do it? Did I prove that Mario Kart 8
Deluxe is different enough to warrant a discussion on its own, and it's just not Mario Kart 8 again? (static) I'll take that as a no. Okay, so this is what it looks like when I don't get new shoes and the universe collapses on itself. At least I'll know this for next time. Hey all, Scott here. Apparently my input on
wars throughout history is extremely important. So it finally makes sense why
after the French Revolution in most history textbooks it just says, "But what would Scott think?" It's the middle of class in 2011 and all these kids are
discussing politics, which is better than the
PlayStation 3 or Xbox 360, One of them asks, "Scott,
which one do you prefer?" And you ruin your credibility. Nintendo. Microsoft entered the ring
by announcing the Xbox. It actually gave Sony
a run for their money I'm sure Sony keeps this
photo on their nightstand. What happened here? Both systems receive one more
redesign later in their lives. These ones focused on
giving us console so cheap, I can try to break it over my knee. (beep) Keyword, tried. The PlayStation 3 picked
up so much steam later on, It actually ended up winning. A classic underdog story, it always warms my heart to
see a multi-billion dollar corporation win at the end of the day, but who really won? Sony. My personal history
with these consoles was, I was always a Nintendo guy. My state's government already knows that. Now, the PS3 controller
does look pretty classy, It looks more elegant, if a 360
controller is on your couch, I immediately think you
cheated on your girlfriend and your fingernails look disgusting. This has more class. But, hey, the X-Box 360 can
play original Xbox games. This is the ultimate pleasure. (upbeat music) Could you imagine a worst note
to get on your windshield? But turns out, I'm not
blinded by nostalgia or love for a specific company. I picked the PS3 when the
360 was the console I owned. So that's a plus to my reviewing skills. The only thing the PS3 could use, is a version of "Mario Party 9," this game is actually terrible, but I love it because
it's made by Nintendo. So, tell me where it all began. - (sighs) All right. So, tell me where it all began. - (sighs) All right. - Oh! Oh, you're that guy! - The one and only! - I was your therapist! - You're more delusional than I thought. - You were my patient that wouldn't stop talking about virginity. - And, not being your patient. - You've played that
mammal game with the toys? - I would remember if that
happened. It's on my bucket list. - The tennis thing with Big Luigi? - That game doesn't exist,
it would be on the news. - And you're about to
talk about something else, that's where I called it. - See, this is where
your story falls flat, it's really unlike me to
talk about three things. - You freaked me out, man! The fact you gave a (beep)
about three different games, it scared me, who knows
what you're capable of giving a (beep) about? - Let me get this straight. You believe I, who answered a wanted ad in the paper for a therapist, used to have you as a therapist. And you went insane after therapy sessions with you about three games
caused you to question faith? - That's my obituary. Okay, well, I can't help you until I know what the third game is gonna be. - Why? It sounds like a good
thing to end my book, "My Patients' Personal Stories and I." - I don't know. You didn't
talk about it. It was a game. - Wait. (suspense music) Yeah, I remember a game. (suspense music intensifies)
(screams) - You were a therapist. - I tried to be a news
anchor, but I wasn't cut out. So I became a therapist, yeah. - And I was your patient. And I had to go to you because I played three Nintendo games from
2015 that were so bad, I had to seek therapy. - Well, what was the third game? What happened when you
played the third game? (screams) (door shuts) (upbeat music) - After I get therapy for
playing all three of these games, I'm going to suppress
everything, forget who I am and become a therapist. And here we are today. - So it's just the 2D game about a robot? - A bad 2D game about a robot. - Oh, so it exists? - Not until 2015, it didn't. - Listen, can you just
get over this trauma, so I'm can enjoy my therapy and peace? - No, you need to get over your trauma. - I need therapy, all right. And you're going to give me advice on how to improve my mental health. And you're going to like it. - You're a therapist. Don't
you give yourself therapy? - My mirror is in the shop! - You don't know what
I go through every day. How do you expect me to
give you a secret therapy when we didn't even finish
our original session? - You know, I'll tell you what. If I finish your session,
will we do my therapy? - You know there are millions
of customer support websites that would love to hear
your personal problems? - You need to finish what you started. We need to end this now. I have dinner tonight with my family and I gotta finish this before then. So I don't show up insane. - Okay, fine, let's go
to where it all began. - Nice place. This your couch? - Yeah. OK, this place, so... (sighs) You ever take a (beep)? - Oh, yeah. Been a big fan. - Cool, so you know what this place is? This is the bathroom. - Those always there? - Well, in the off-chance
I need to restock, no, but I keep these here as a hobby. I like to curate them. This game blows, uh, this game blows. - Oh, oh my god! It's
worse than I thought! This game blows, uh, this game blows. (alarm ringing) - I really should've
reconsidered installing that. (alarm ringing) - You know what? I may have
left the force a while ago, but when it comes to
makeshift therapy offices, I still got it. - I've seen better. - So, tell me where it all went wrong. - Well, this game is worse than I thought. - "Chibi-Robo! Zip Lash" is
a stupid (beep) (beep) (beep) (beep) (beep) (beep). - You know what that sounds about, right? But something just doesn't seem right. Oh, Hey all Scott here. Now, this is therapy. - "Chibi-Robo! Zip Lash." Over the years, I've
been harsh to this game, calling it such names as bad. You may say "Scott,
that's just an opinion." I'll respond with, I dunno, the fact that the doctor says otherwise, it's a shame because
Chibi-Robo, as a character, has a similar level of charm as any of the other
cutesy, Nintendo mascots, if they just gave him a chance to succeed, he couldn't live on for quite a long time. You wanna know what happened? - Already got tickets to the funeral. - And Nintendo specifically
requested that, they wanted this game to be
a new spin on Chibi-Robo. They apparently thought the
original didn't sell well, because right when everybody on the planet was about to buy it,
they looked up the genre. Oh, that makes no sense. - Oh, come on. You need to be more accepting
of different resolutions. For example, my new year's
resolution is to drink more. - It's July. - Yeah. - See, that's when we entered
2015 and Nintendo had enough of the series not doing
well, they thought, "You know what the problem
with Chibi-Robo is?" - His lack of empathy? - No. - Over qualification? - Barelly. - Tax evasion? - That's me. - Nope, it's the fact that
Chibi-Robo isn't a 2D platformer. - That's my parent's problem with me too. - "Chibi-Robo Zip La--". "Zip-" (beep) game. I've always just had a bit
of a problem with this one. "Oh, hi Scott, it's your
mom, you're adopted!" Well, that's understandable, I
appreciate your transparency. "Oh, and 'Chibi-Robo! Zip Lash' exists!" No! - So you didn't like that
they turned the small robot into Poochy town? - No, I personally feel
there was a lot of potential for Chibi-Robo to work fine in 2D. - You're a mental, - Let me finish.
- No. You're insane. And I don't work with people
who have mental problems. - You're a therapist. - Oh, come on, I think
"Zip Lash" is great name. If they replaced the
word "Good" with the word "Chibi-Robo! Zip Lash," I'd
have no problem with it. - You'd be okay with replacing
a word just like that? Oh I would, and that's saying something. Words mean a lot to me. Words have been in my
family for generations. I'm a word buff. Go ahead,
name a word. Any word. - What?
- Love that one! - Upon release, Zip Lash
received a price drop. - So you barely played this
game and you hate it this much? - I hate it way more than this much. - You can't form an opinion on
a game you've barely played. It's unethical. That's why we have HR. - So I should play 10 hours of a game I already know I don't like
just to have an opinion on it? - Well if you don't
like it, don't play it! - But how would I know I don't
like it if I don't play it? - Well, just stop doing stuff! - This game has been enough time soaking. It's time to play through
it and give it a fair shot because, who knows maybe 60 hours in I'll start to see its worth. I will not put this down
until I beat this game. So let me just do a little bit
of that, little bit of that. There. The (beep). - Can you put the game in for me? - No, that goes against
my family's tradition. They never asked me to pop
in "Chibi-Robo Zip Lash," and I will always never
do that, to honor them. - Well, we're gonna need help with this. Can you at least get this off of me? - Now that, me and my
family did all the time. - I am forwarding this message
to everybody in contact list, if you stop by tonight, we'll play... - Don't lie. I've lied
before, and it's too fun. - "Chibi-Robo Zip Lash." (door bell rings)
(painting) Did not take you as a Zip Lash fan. - I'm not. I knew you were lying. And I'm finally willing
to give Gex a shot. - Oh, no. It's the Gex (beep)! Anyone
up for a round of Gex? - What if I told you I didn't even own Gex and I wasn't lying about Zip Lash? - That was ridiculous, we
played Gex that one time. That was amiibo Festival. - Well, That...
- That was Ultra Smash. - But... - That was a car wash we
went through together. - Hey, I heard you didn't own Gex. - From myself.
- Yeah. Word gets around. You keep these on you? I thought you hated Gex. - Hey, I cross-reference that copy whenever I need to be
reminded how much I hate Gex. Yeah. Yeah. (beep) that lizard. - All right, let's play Gex. You know what I like
about Gex? Consistency. Okay, can somebody pop in the game for me? I can't do it myself. - You knew that was gonna
end up happening anyways. - I was worried that 3DS
wasn't hammer resistant. - You're welcome. Alright! "Chibi-Robo! Zip Lash," Swing into action with your Chibi-Plug and help Chibi-Robo save the world! I think I'm going to be sick. - [Everyone] Ahh! - That's a (beep) Cheez-it! (suspense music) - Let's get this over with. - So the story starts, Chibi-Robo is cleaning a space shuttle. I don't give a (beep). - You know, this game
doesn't seem too bad so far. It has graphics, and it exists. - Yeah. You know me, I'm
a sucker for existence. - Me too. That's why I love Gex. - Guys, like, the game
works but the movement is more annoying than fun. Like just gliding in the air: you have to hold X while falling, like it just doesn't feel
good, it feels awkward! It feels like a tacked on
move more than anything. And then there's rolling in the game. Like, you have to hold R
and it's only used in like, 4 levels throughout the entire thing. Like, it's worthless. - Wait, there's a roll in the game? - [Crowd] Woo, yeah!
- [Therapist] Roll, baby! - That's (beep) Gex. - You're about to fight
the World 3 boss fight sir, you are in a video game
made of blocks even though we also like to act like
you're in real life Europe, here's a realistic looking bag of Funyuns. - I personally enjoy how
inconsistent the art style is. - Yeah, and consistency
is a fun quirk in Gex. - I think it really keeps you
on your toes, like a mouse. - Oh yeah yeah. Alright
I got it OK. Yeah yeah. - How about, I think it's confusing. None of this represents the fact that Chibi-Robo is a tiny robot
which is his entire character, the plot-based level design is putrid, and this game just doesn't know
what it wants to be at all! - So tell me where it all began. - Don't even get me started. - I'm going to need a priest. So I hate how the game looks and levels are incredibly
boring and they go on forever. The product placement is
completely out of place. The movie is more cumbersome
than fun, I don't like it. - Well, that sounds like somebody that hasn't played enough of this game. Why don't you play another
five hours and come back to us. - Yeah, it's a fine game. It's not like the level
progression is locked behind one of the stupidest (beep)
game mechanics you've ever seen. - Oh! After you beat a stage you have to spin the Destination Wheel. That sounds like fun. What does it do? Who decides what stage you're doing next? If you land on "1," you
go to the next stage. If you land on "2," you go
to the stage after the next. Now you'll still have to beat the stage you skipped over to progress. So what the (beep) is the point of jumping all around like this? The six stages per world are set up like most 2D platformers; they gradually get harder
the farther you go, so why make players play them out of order if that's the case? And also while the stages
are deliberately called World one dash one, one
dash two, one dash three. There's an obvious order to follow here! Why do I have to spin this wheel? The wheel isn't meant to be fun. It's meant to be a
roadblock, much like how the Whip Lash is limited
and the Zip Lash is slow. Why wouldn't I want to
go one stage at a time. I can't see what any future
stages are gonna contain. There's no reason why
I'd wanna play Level five before Level three, so why would I wanna
skip around like this? Obviously, the game wants
you to progress normally. The end of a level is
symbolized by three UFOs, hitting the gold one gives you three Destination Wheel spins, silver gets you two, bronze gives you one. Obviously, you want the
gold so you can guarantee you can keep spinning the wheel
to get the stage you want, as in the next one in line. Because if you spin the wheel
and it lands on a three and uh oh, you land on a stage,
you've already cleared. You have to play through it again. The game knows this isn't fun. Why else would they reward
you with extra chances to spin by hitting the gold UFO? Why else would you be able
to purchase wheel slots so you can get the exact number you want? Wait, what the (beep) is
the point of this then? If I can just buy slots
with the exact numbers I want with the coins I collect, that just defeats any and
all purpose of the wheel! It's just an annoying thing they added for the sake of being annoying. It doesn't even make sense
in the context of the game. You still have to spin the wheel even when all the slots
take you to the boss- What is wrong with this game? - No much. - I don't know what else to say, man. I don't want to play through
hours more of this game just to get coins for a final
boss I'm not gonna like. So. Well, I can see where the budget went. - You know, it all comes
together in the end. - I mean I liked the game,
but now I really like it. - Gex. Just because a game
doesn't inherently have terrible level design or
any major bugs or glitches, that doesn't mean it's fine! It just means it works! Just because a game works
doesn't mean it's good. I don't like playing this game. I hate what it stands for. I don't like that they
made fans of Chibi-Robo buy this with the hope of
Chibi-Robo having a future! I don't like that they thought so low of people and consumers, thinking that they'll love this generic,
terrible, 2D platformer! I don't like this game. - You know, when you put it that way, I kind of liked the idea of
this game being terrible. Yeah, and as a therapist, therapy generally moves
the quickest when I agree with everything the patient has to say. - Gex will be Gex! - You know, I've had a ritual
for the past 3 years or so. This game blows! This game blows! As much as I like that, I
think I want to end this now. How can we take each and every one of the Chibi-Robo! Zip
Lash games in existence and eliminate each and every one of them? We're swimming with rats! - Can't swim, love rats. I'm in. - I'm more of a lizard guy. - I'm deathly afraid of circles. Come on, guys. I have thrown 95% of Zip Lash's population down the toilet over the past 3 years. If we go down there right now we can finish them off
before they ever resurface! - I have as much confidence
in this as I have facial hair. - You have facial hair. - Where? - Well, I'm in. You know
what they say: WWGD? - What Would Gex Do? - The G stands for Jesus. - All right, Rex. Well, the revolution isn't for everybody. - Oh, I dropped something
down the toilet last week, remind me to look for it. (suspense music) - Oh! There are my jeans! - OK, so keep an eye out for these games. - What does it look like again? - Uh, hard to describe.
Shapes, 4 sides, colors. - Does it have, "Chibi-Robo!
Zip Lash" on it? - Yes! - There they are. - I just thought that's
what water looked like now. - Weird name for Gex. Why are the copies circling around? - I (beep) hate circles. (ominous music) All the copies you've
thrown down the toilet over the past three years
have become sentient? - That's why my plumber (beep) hated me. - Guys, come on! Gex
wouldn't do this, right Gex? - It's the Anti-Gex! - No, it's just a sewer monster comprised entirely of copies of Zip Lash. - I'm going with the Anti-Gex. Even the Anti-Gex have the word Gex in it. - Now that's what I call a good point. (ominous music) - I'm tired of this. You're a terrible game, but that doesn't mean I wont overcome you. I'm better than that. You're back? - I needed energy. And ammo. - So what's the game plan here? (ominous music) - What the hell is the game plan here? - [Rex] What's the exact
opposite of this thing? - [Jeb] Not Gex, that's for sure. - No, no, I think it's Gex. (inspiring music) (splatter) - You know, I've always
wondered what trauma felt like. - Thanks. Thanks for sticking it out with me. I got it all out of my system. Nintendo had a bad 2015,
but that doesn't mean I should let it affect my mental health. And so what if somebody
likes a game I dislike? It doesn't matter. They're wrong anyways. - It's been an honor serving you. I can finally tell you why
you're so messed up in the head. After playing a game as good
as "Chibi-Robo! Zip Lash," it'll definitely make you feel inadequate. - Sure. - You can rip up that rain check
for therapy I had with you. I'm good on my own now. I think I'm going to start
my own therapy business, call it The Think Barrel. - Ah, good on you. I love seeing therapists
start their own business. - Yeah, uh... What was your name? - Dr. Atrics. But you can call me Jerry. - Well, thank you, Dr. Jerry Atrics. You know, I still have this on me. - Oh my God, for real? Oh yes! We're turning this Gex
night into a Gex year! What the (beep) is this? (upbeat music) - Hey all, Scott here. I'm leaving the door open now. I don't know air is fun, and
been on a good streak lately. I jumped the shark. I have it all now. Scoliosis, mitosis, bed bugs, bed bats. So, I got some free time
to kill as I heal up. I might be able to actually
play some of these games here. - Or. - Shapes (beep) 'em, they make
everything more complicated. Without shapes I wouldn't
care about the Wii U and Game Cube boxes being the same thing! Ever have those things that,
a minute you enjoy them, you overly care about
that nobody else seems to? Like you're a big fan of numbers. Man, you're really into seven. Using the logic of it doesn't matter. Basically means everything
on a store shelf should be in a blank cardboard box. Who cares what's inside anyways? I just want to buy the PS4 Spiderman. Well, that's a gun. So let's take a look at
all the major consoles throughout history. And rate their packaging
templates starting with the Magnavox Odyssey. I do like seven. They introduced the Nintendo
Entertainment System header. It was red and small. Like ants. It's time to take care of your games put them up on the shelf,
keep them in a safe container. It will keep them safe, I swear. Well, the blank boxes are
far more endearingly retro. These simply look really nice. Like ants. And initially thought a
black game represented that this game is for far
more mature audiences. And then I saw chicken run had
it and reacted accordingly. Stupid, stupid, stupid. And not only that, it had a power button, not some power switch. It had a button just like home consoles. That was honestly a really
cool thing to me back then. Take it. It's yours. And why mimic the Game
Cube's box art design? Bless the Game Cube's heart, but it was one of Nintendo's
worst performing consoles at the time. So what do you do? You replicate it's box art? (crashing noise) I'm not saying this is
why the Wii U failed but they were kind of
asking for it at this point. But you know what isn't really lame? The Xbox One cases. I have officially lied once today. Hey all, Scott here. You know, one of the top 10 names for children this year happens
to be "Sonic the Hedgehog 3" because when everyone wants
to be unique, nobody's unique. Stop naming your children unique names. Just name your kids (beep) Earl. This one wasn't nearly as
iconic to 90's pop culture as the first two. And now to Sonic fans... I love when it does that. But it came out three months after Dr. Robotnik's Mean Bean-- There were four Sonic titles
in the span of three months? Sure there were! I still believe "Sonic
Spinball" was a lucid dream I had once and nothing more. And it gets harder and
harder to believe that. "Sonic the Hedgehog 3" was
meant to be the Magnum Opus of the series at that point, the ultimate Sonic adventure. Starting development after "Sonic 2." (stuttering) Really? See, "Sonic 2" was developed by STI. We learned about them when
talking about Sonic 2 in Sex Ed. New attitude, new enemies! It was a yearbook quote
contender, I'll give 'em that. I should finally beat this game. There really are no excuses anymore. I've beaten "Devil's Third," my prerequisites out of the way. If I can't be happy with myself, then I sure as hell can beat "Sonic 3." You ever spray paint a tomato blue? (video game startup music) You've seen the Sonic 3 title screen. This isn't right. A Genesis Sonic game you
can save your progress in? Have the past three years been a lie? I don't know where I am but I have the sudden
urge to not have sex. We jump into a cut scene. Two mammals, a plane, it must be Sonic 3. None of these rewards are cool. None of them make you want
to call your dad over it. - Dad, You won't believe it. Yeah. Yeah. A (beep) hedgehog. Not only that, the way they
set up the special stages this time is ingenious. Similarly, they're
hidden throughout levels. If you find a fat ring,
I have news for you. Dad! Everything's coming together. I'm going to live this up while I can before we get to the
coveted Sonic bull (beep). I am going to treasure this moment. This is a Sonic game where
everything's coming together. The level design compliments everything they were trying to do here but I know Sonic on Genesis, all right, there's always some
garbage they threw in here that makes absolutely no sense. So I'm gonna be extra diligent and try to find something they messed up. (banging) (beep) this game, (beep) this game. As I previously stated,
"Sonic the Hedgehog 3" "was envisioned as a massive project, so much so, they had to
split it into two parts, to not only release Sonic 3 on time, but also so then they
wouldn't have to deal with unloading the entire
game onto one cartridge. So we have one more Genesis
Sonic title to look at. On top of "Sonic 3D Blast" and "Dr. Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine" and "Knuckles Chaotix"
for the Sega 32x add-on, but not Sonic Spinball
because I give-able (beep) about reality and this isn't it. Name one time Sonic Spinball existed. Go ahead. Name one. "Sonic Spinball," "Sonic
Spinball," "Sonic Spinball." I was a different man back then. No! (stapler clicks) Hey all, Scott here. Have you seen something
that looks like this? If you found that, that's me
caring about the Nintendo 64, please dispose of it immediately. I know I'm putting these up
and I just like the attention. Family photo. Oh God, that's embarrassing. (hand smack) That's better. The Nintendo 64 one of the most revolutionary
consoles of all the time, standardized out games in
the third dimension look, play and control. Introduced so many genres,
franchises, concepts, and I still don't give a (beep). I'm being a bit harsh here. It's not that I don't
like the Nintendo 64. I just don't care about it. I want to learn to love this console, because as it stands, it's all right. But that won't do, I have to appreciate everything
Nintendo does for me, criticism is just whining, Nintendo made buttons,
what did you do, dad? They had to get to work on a successor to the Super Nintendo, and near the end of the console's life, it was pretty obvious where
the video game industry was heading. Downhill, (beep) this console. The Ultra 64 cartridges could barely hold anything in comparison, could barely hold video and audio clips, and if they could, they
were severely compressed and downgraded and cost
your mortgage to produce, but they were harder to pirate, and had faster load times,
that makes them better. And ever since that decision, Nintendo's always been number one,
(game buzzer) two,
(game buzzer) three,
(game buzzer) one.
(game buzzer) "Wii U. That's almost the weirdly beautiful thing about a console that didn't do that well. The Wii U era was pretty tart, but I felt there was this cool connection I had with other Wii U owners. It was called a mutual hatred. But of course, the charcoal
color was the defacto, coming with a gray, spider? Oh, look, it's time to be confused about the Nintendo 64 controller. What the hell? Anyways, the Nintendo
64 launched with games here in North America,
and two of them at that. Japan had it way better,
they got three games. Alongside the system's release, "Super Mario 64," and
"Pilot Wings 64," came out, that was it. If you were living in Japan, you had the choice of buying
(Scott reads title in Japanese) as well, which meant
you were either buying "Mario 64," or "Pilot Wings." "Super Mario 64" was the flagship title, the reason you wanted to buy a Nintendo 64 if "Pilot Wings" was sold out. Popping this cartridge
in and turning it on. (game beeps) - [Mario] It's me, Mario. (upbeat music) Hello - Oh my God, he has a face? As a kid, it was a blast using my imagination with this game, coming up with crazy things to do, or just not doing anything at all, just enjoying being in this world. This will always be one of the greatest
video games of all time. One of. But hey, all "Pokemon
Stadium" games supported the transfer pack, "Pokemon Stadium One," which
only released in Japan, "Pokemon Stadium One," which is "Pokemon Stadium Two" in Japan, and "Pokemon Stadium Two, which was "Pokemon Stadium:
Gold and Silver" in Japan. Never liked logic. There was "Hey You Pikachu," which used the voice
recognition unit, don't you? (video game music) - Pika. - It doesn't. This is actually just straight
up called the "64 DD," not the Nintendo 64 DD, and these are incredibly
rare and expensive. You'd have to be a (beep)
idiot to own one of them. But the good games for the
system, were really good games, it nailed multiplayer, and no matter what, there will always be a reason
to fire the system back up. It may not be my favorite Nintendo System. But I care about it. I've found it. Hey all. Scott here. You know, so many people ask me, "Where do you get all those games?" There. That'll do. This is a used video game. Could you tell? Video game users are disgusting. We have sticky chairs
and eat without socks on. I don't even remember
ever getting a used movie, or album as a kid, but video games hell, yeah, this one had gum in it. Why are used games so prevalent and why wouldn't this come off? Firstly, we've got the look-a-likes. Used games that look
nearly indistinguishable from new games. The game case is spotless. Everything's included. Absolutely no problem whatsoever. You could eat off of these things. My copy of "Call of
Duty: Black Ops" on Wii. Not my copy of "Call of
Duty: Black Ops" on Wii! One day in 2011, I found it on the floor with this gash in the middle. I did patch it up with tape
and thankfully it was in a spot I could cover up with black sharpie but these two moments made me realize games are far more fragile
than you may expect. Which is odd. Game companies know their products "are handled by young children. You think they use bulletproof
paper or something. Because this is just the
beginning of the end. Thirdly, there's the frauds. You see them at the store and think, "Oh, that's looking pretty good." Pull it off the shelf and weep. There's something wrong
with my "WarioWare." It's more fun to see the box art that's drawn on with sharpie. Really puts you in the shoes of the last person who owned the game. Like, how did you lose the box art? I got the cashier to think
they're ringing up apples when they were really ringing up bananas. I just learned an easy way
to get stuff on the cheap. Steal it. And I remember watching
somebody open a game or a birthday present. They open it up and go, "Nice." They start peeling off the shrink wrap and they didn't realize they were also peeling
off the game case itself. "Happy birthday." Did you like spill water on your game and you try to dry it off with a saw? Goo Gone. You just squirt that all over. Next person that owns this is gonna have the exact
same questions I do. "What the (beep) happened here?" This usually helps get rid
of that sticker residue. But don't get me wrong. I like this, but I would never drink it. It just smells too bad. I couldn't. This was purchased within
Microsoft by a Microsoft employee who really wanted to play "Whacked." That's really cool. Now why do they need an as large sticker that's impossible to peel off? I'm trying everything I can here. Used games, they just bought
from some sap in the store. They can charge whatever
they want for them. They can make as much
of a profit off of those as they so please. So why do they do this? Yeah, no problem. That gets cleaned, it voids your warranty. "Hey, here's that game you wanted back. "(chuckles) I lost the case." "(chuckles) I left the manual in Reno." "(chuckles) I wanted
to give you that back." "I want to give you back
what's rightfully yours." "So when am I looking
after your daughter?" Let's see how many problems
we can find in this. So somebody put a sticker
on the spine of the artwork. Tried ripping it off. This is a Game Cube game
in a PlayStation 2 case. They still have literally
every piece of paper that was included
originally for some reason. And worst of all, it's (beep) "Geist." So while used games can
be (beep) disgusting, they're a part of gaming culture. And I would love to see
a digital game do this. I found "Dig Dug." Hey all, Scott here. You know what I love about video games? Connecting a controller,
parental controls, airplane mode, screen burning
reduction, auto sleep, and that's it. It's a brand new console,
want to play a game? No! However, the system with a menu setup and pre-installed software,
I remember the most fondly will always be the Nintendo Switch. (button clicks) Yeah! The Nintendo Wii is a close second, this thing had such a fun menu
to explore back in the day, mostly due to the Wii Channels it housed. Calling them channels was definitely to make them feel more like TV stations and to give us a false sense of security, but these were applications for the Wii and this was one of
the first game consoles to have a cavalcade of
pre-installed goodies to sniff, which made productivity a bitch. I got places to be but
that damn forecast channel is calling my name! Oh. So when we turn the
Wii on, we're greeted to- I never read this,
warning, health and safety before playing read your operations manual for important information
about your health and safety. Wow, I never would have known. Is this really necessary every
time you boot up the console? I mean, yes it's, I don't want to get sue necessary if somebody decided I
didn't see a warning screen, I'm going to eat my (bleep) Wii. Well, let's go through all of these starting with the Disc Channel. No! Discs! (bright music) Is this a revolt? So, first up the Mii name is brilliant. Flipping over a portion of the Wii name, to make something completely different. Now, you could flip the other half but I don't know what a
screaming W is gonna do for you. I really take Mii making seriously. One of the best compliments
somebody could give you is, "Damn! Your Mii is pretty hot." All right, final question. Oh, do we want this Mii to mingle? I swear to God, if I
can crossbreed my Miis. The Photo Channel. Funny story, the Wii has an SD card slot. Now, what can you do with it? The Photo Channel. I
love the Photo Channel. It was such a fun way to
experience your photos. You know what wasn't a fun way to experience your photos? The Wii Shop Channel. The worst photo experience on Wii. Thankfully, I have a
wonderful thing called the time capsule, with old footage of the Wii Shop Channel on it. Yeah, this is great. And next up we have Channels
that need no introduction. The Forecast Channel, the News Channel. Okay, news and forecast are no more. No wonder nothing's
happened the past few years. If I can't do something as
simple as play a European game, how do you expect me to play something that doesn't technically exist anymore? Well, I can sure as I'll try, there's a fan continuation
of WiiConnect24 called, RiiConnect24. Let me see if I can handle this. I can just looking at old footage. I never had this channel on
my Wii but it just so happened to only be a four minute long video, where you'd entered it and
that exact video is available on this promotional DVD I have, thank God I was gonna (bleep) blow it. - [Woman] Did you know you can connect your Wii console to the internet? - Yep! It's just a simple infomercial on pretty much everything
we just talked about. Is it worth getting pissed about, if it was never pre-loaded on your Wii? Yeah, but at least owning it
on DVD, I can play with it. Hey all, Scott here. You know, I have a life outside of talking about
stupid Nintendo games. I almost got murdered. Finally, I'm a victim. It's exciting when you
got nothing else going on. That's just the thing though. I do have things going on. I'm a busy guy, which is
why I'm one of the few who take attempted murder seriously. Every murderee needs a murderer and ours just so happened to
be Mr. Officer Steel Wool. Lucky for me, I printed this off before he tried to murder us. A while back, we were all invited to a dinner party. No murderers allowed. Somebody didn't read the itinerary. Everybody except the host
recovered from being murdered which makes us prime suspects to sue him. So today's the big day, we're taking Steel Wool to court, and I'm gonna be a star. I can see the headlines now. Murder victim's innocent.
(door bell rings) What's the code?
- I was murdered. - So are you ready to be one of the first allies in
the war against murder? - Oh, I don't think I
can be in the same room as the man who killed me. - Don't be such a baby. I was in the same room as your murderer and he (beep) stinks. - I don't know. Just why did he kill me? Was it something about my face? - I wouldn't take it too personally. It probably has nothing
to do with your looks. He probably (beep) just hates you. Nothing personal. - So what are we suing him for? - Defamation. - Good. - Your social status does really plummet after being murdered. - Where is it again? - Vegas. - It's a 28 hour drive. - With normal traffic. - 28 hours? I have jury duty in 28 hours. - Oh, don't go throwing hours in my face. I'm the biggest hours fan there is. - Oh, thank God. Turns out I'm serving
jury duty on our trial. - You're the victim. - An unbiased victim. (phone ringing) - Hello? What do you mean you don't have a ride? All right, fine. We got a carpool. (dramatic sound effect) I'm just saying if we took that exit, we could have shaved off 10 minutes. - Welcome to The Litigation Station. The brand nine out of
10 lawyers recommend. And with that, I'm going to pass it off to my judge in training. I'm going to be your judge this evening. Only here because my mom
made me get a summer job. (sighs) It's (beep) September. - Well, all right. I got unbiased to be. - I don't know. I'm gonna crumble. There's no way I can face my killer. - I've (beep) had it, okay? This is just outward trauma. - Yeah. I wrote that. - Great, the (beep) purse
is going to be our lawyer. - Guys, I was there
throughout the entire thing. I know what happened, and plus representing yourself in court always works out like... And... And even... - Can we have court outside today? - Dammit, she's good. - Objection, your lawyer. I have vitamin D sufficiency. - Come to break up this ice breaker again. I call Steel Wool to the stand. - (sighs) - So Mr. Wool, did you kill anybody? - Objection. He doesn't
have to answer that. - Yeah. That is a pretty
personal question. - I mean, I know he killed me, but I don't blame him
for not answering that. - I freaked out. I just wanted to make sure
the jury was on our side. - The only member of the
jury was murdered by him. - I did hear he's leaning
towards the defendant. - I've leaned in towards
him too. We're (beep). - Your Honor, I call
Jebidiah Jab to the stand. - Oh, great. Now they called the guy who doesn't believe in us. This is (beep) great. - So Jeb Jab, is there anybody else a part of the Jab family? - Nope. "Just me and my vegan
in crime, Terry Lesler. - Isn't getting murdered
against the vegan creed? - I think it's frowned upon. - Yes. You don't want to kill any animals, but you can get killed all you want. Doesn't that seem a little unfair? - That is very quite (beep). Yes. He's slipping. We're losing him. - Yeah, I'm getting real
sick of your attitude. We're in Vegas. Be happy. - Do you really think it's fair to make all these allegations
about this poor man? He's traumatized. You have no idea the impact of murdering five people has on a person. - Oh my God. I didn't... I didn't mean to. Like you didn't mean
to get murdered, right? - Objection. Your honor, I'm mad. - I've seen madder. Keep going. - I think I have one more question. Do you think Officer
Steel Wool murdered you and four others? Do I know he did? Yeah. Do I think he did? No. - I can do this. Your Honor, I call Rex Mose to the stand. - Woo! - So Rex, what do you think
of Officer Steel Wool? - I think he's a fine person,
and a better murderer. So you admit he's a murderer? - On the one day I was with him. - Your honor, should we really base this man's conviction off of what he did on one measly day? - Yeah. It seems kind of rude. - Rex, I have evidence from
the night of the murders. What is this? - Oh, that's a gun. - Interesting he knows what a gun is. I thought Officer Steel
Wool was the murderer here. - Yeah. How do you know what that is if he wasn't the killer? Did I say gun? I meant Beretta 92X full
size handgun. (beep) - Your Honor, he's just
throwing out random words. He doesn't even know what they mean. He's a dictionary with feet. That's what we call him. - Allow me to ask the others
to name that specific object. What is this? - Gex? - A photo. - The letter L. - My gun. - Okay. So Rex, did you kill... - Your Honor, that says
it all right there. - This is a heart rate monitor. - Yet Mr. Wool's isn't
going off right now. He's not hooked up to one. Your Honor, can I win now? - No.
- Okay. - Listen, if they convict
you, I'll just start yelling. They can convict you if you can't hear it. That's why the deaf don't go to jail. - I've (beep) had it. This
is just outward conviction. - They can outlaw you,
you (beep) murderer. - I call Wendy's employee to the stand. Who's gonna be the jury? - Him. - So Wendy's employee, where are you employed exactly? - Why, Wendy's, of course. - And what do you do there? - Well, I'm the employee. An employee like you getting murdered when he has a job to go to in the morning. Seems a bit unlikely to me. - Well, I just didn't work the next day. I don't buy it. Damn. - You check the bathroom? They got free soap in there. - Focus. We gotta reel this one in. Like a fish. - Yeah.
(men cheering) - I put money on this
fight. He better win. - Terry, long time vegan, full-time suer. - If you can't sue a
person, why talk to him? - Can you point to the man in this room who killed you and your
four other cohorts? - No. Not even a little bit. No. - You're really cock-blocking me here. - I can't even look my killer in the eye. You expect me to use a finger on him? - Well, what do you
want out of this trial? - An apology. - And that isn't gonna happen unless you point him out right now. - How can one finger
decide a man's destiny? - He's pointing at Rex.
He's pointing at Rex. - I've (beep) had it.
This is just outward me. - Your Honor. - Oh, what now? - I call Scott Wozniak to the stand. (dramatic music) So Mr. Wozniak. - That's me to you. - That's impossible. He's a murderer. - A murderer with a heart of gold. - Oh, and I'm not a murder
with a heart of gold? - You're a murderer? - I was lying as a joke. - So you lied in a court of law? - As a joke. - So who was your plus nine? - The justices of the Supreme
court. We go way back. - How do you know them? - I chaperone for them. - So you were a bailiff? - Oh, that's what it's called. I thought they just didn't know my name. - So are they going to show up? - I don't know. Let me check. (audio playing) They said maybe. - No way. You know the justices too? I'm their cousin. - I thought you said you had no family. - Well, that was to get the sympathy vote. - He was ruthless. He tried to shoot me and
I'm allergic to bullets. - I did it. I know that's a blow to your case. - All right. Officer Steel Wool for being so brave and coming clean like that, I'll let you off lightly. You are sentenced to death. - I don't think he did it. Hey all, Scott here. Here at Give a (beeps) Productions, we deal exclusively with topics
that are (beeps) giveable. And if your topic needs
a fine (beeps) giving, then we'll take a look at it. We don't give a (beeps). Let's see what our latest request is. Even we have limits. Hey everybody! I'm E3 2000. Who the (beeps) is this guy? And who doesn't give a (beeps) about what Acclaim did in 2000? You'd be surprised. This isn't an Acclaim press disc. This is worthless! And Sega's both as a whole I
mean, look at all this pizazz. They really went all out, "as if they were gonna die the next day. Sony, our favorite little corporation. They're making the PlayStation 2. How could they dare to get
anything but five knee slaps? Please don't. And E3 2000 was definitely mediocre Though, next year, we should
have new consoles to look at and one less Sega to talk about. And without E3 2000 we
wouldn't get to that point. So that has gotta make E3 2000
worth giving a (beeps) over. I tried, okay? Hey all, Scott here. Some words of advice, things would get better later than sooner, don't you worry. When I was little, I used to think, "When I'm Scott, I wanna be this." And look at me now. What does it take to be this? Skin for one. It takes a lot of work to be me. You have to be tough. You have to have skin. You have to own this. I should hire an assistant. This is "Mario Party." I thought it was a bear. Look at all these, it's almost
like there's 24 of them. "Mario Party" series. The constant in society. "As the death toll goes up, a
new "Mario Party" comes out. You may be attracted to this
game for the simple concept but remember it's not just a board game. "It's an adventure. Huh yeah, (beep) you board games. Yes, we get it, Mario Party can be cruel. Doesn't mean I don't like it. I don't know, it's my best friend. He's a snitch, he's a killer, but he'll always be my friend. It's just, you're winning,
having a great time and then you get the death
sentence for winning too much. This guy has more eyelashes so we'll give him the eyelash award. For second place, you get the grand prize. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! It's Mario and his good friends. They hang out. Mario thinks he's the
superstar, no reason is given. Peach thinks she is the
superstar, no reason is given. Yoshi thinks he is the
superstar because he has energy. Something every being has. I have a neck, you don't see me braggin'. Being a game that's best played
with four whole people means this isn't gonna work. I thought telling the IRS I was four people would help, but no, I need bodies. I could play by myself, but Mario Party's like a marriage. It's more fun with up to four people. And at that point I might
as well make the most of it. Call up some people, get
the place on jazzed up. It's called Mario Party for a reason because the word (beep) was already taken. But I might as well throw a party if I can't think of
anything better to do no. No, let's throw a party. A great party needs to
have so many things. Mario Party One, so you know
people don't have too much fun. Doritos and Mountain Dew to have an outlet to discuss the war against arteries. Alcohol because it's not a good
party if you enjoy it sober. So I went to the party store and picked up anything and
everything I could find that was party related. Now what's left to do is invite victims. They can bring alcohol, snacks, people. Okay, so who's going to
show up no matter what. 9-1-1. Or I did find this flyer for the Mario Party assistance agency. The MPAA. You can call them, pay a small fee and have body show up to
play Mario Party with. Which is really something that Nintendo should have
specified as required. (doorbell rings) I called? - You called. - According to my receipt
I have you for two hours to play Mario Party One. - Oh (beep), you play Mario Party. - Just like any Mario Party player would. - I never played Mario party before. What's that, like a bear? - You never played Mario Party? You're wearing a Wario hat. - Oh, I thought the W stood for words. - So you work at a Mario Party agency but you never played it. - I've been doing a lot
of work for the agency. Haven't really had time to play. - Okay well, I need you
to sit on the couch, hold the controller and have fun. - That'll cost extra. - Holy (beep). "You have a sitting fee? - Technically yes, ambiguously maybe. - We'll just have you stand. - Wanna take that for a test drive? - Yeah, and see what I'm in for. I'll take it. - It says on your sales form. You ordered one other person. - It's considered ordering people. - Pretty sure that's illegal. - So you're only pretty sure. - Hey, is this the party? I know you said to bring
Mountain Dew and Doritos. All I could find was
Mello-Yello and Cheez-Its. - (chuckles) You can't have a party without powdered sugar in a zip lock. - They didn't have beer at the store. So I just got 20 packs of cigarettes. - Most of these are playing cards. - They only have five packs
of cigarettes available. - So this is a suitable
replacement for alcohol at a party. - Yeah, I can't wait
to get blackout cancer. - Well, I for one, I'm (beep) pissed. - Come on, be an anti-narc for once. we have to throw an actual party. - You know what, No, I'm not
gonna go against my beliefs. What do you want me to like,
take out a pack of cigarettes, pull one out, puff it out, put it out, light another one off to
get some cheap thrills while playing as as the (beep) man, Wario. - So, how much as your nicotine fee? - $10 a year. (coughs) - Don't worry. It only takes a second for
your lungs to collapse. - I can't wait. This is going
to be like an actual party. All we have to do is pick our soulmate. - Well, you know what they say? Let's play Mario Party One. - Yeah. I'm taking Wario. Home field advantage. - I'll pick Luigi for the sympathy vote. - What consistency do
you think Donkey Kong is? - [Together] Hard. - DK's Jungle Adventure rated one star. Can't say, I'm surprised. Anybody look at this and go, "Oh, I think he'd make great game boards." On which map do you guys want to play on? Keep in mind. I am 100% gone after that hit. - Sounds like you need an intervention and Wario's Battle Canyon. - That's not fair, that's
home field advantage. - Don't blame me for how I was born. - How many turns should the game last? - Is there an option for two? - How about 54? - Nope, there's only 20, 35 and 50. - You sure there's not a secret menu. - I say we go for 20, don't
come on too strong here. (retro game music) - This is what I'm talking about. It's like a Wario taking
to remember the Alamo. - You mean the Sabbath, right? - All right, we rolled to
decide the turn over here. - Home field advantage. - You've got third. - So the goal here is to
traverse the game board for all the traps and other
obstacles, obtaining coins through landing on certain
spaces and winning mini games that are played at the end of each turn to spend those on stars, which is what we want the most of overall. - You've played this before? - No, just look at that.
It's pretty obvious. - I thought this game was a bear. (retro game music) Oh, I think I've heard of this one. - You've never heard of Mario Party One but you've heard of the
Hammer Drop mini game in Mario Party One. - Oh, it's a big deal where I'm from. - Where are you from? - Wario's Battle Canyon. - Take of that (beep) hat!
- No, no! - Donkey Kong wins as is tradition. - This was the first mini game. - And every mini game he's played, he's conquered. - Well, it looks like
you're going to be able to break that tradition here, you landed on a one
player mini games space. You get to play Memory Match. - Oh (beeps), I picked a
bad day to get dementia. - Start. (retro game music) - You gotta be (beeps). - I swear, it's the controller. - What the hell? I got no coins. - Makes you feel any better, my doctor told me I
have nine days to live. The next one game is Bumper Balls. That's one of my favorites. - Again, still, you haven't
played Mario Party One before but you know about Bumper Balls? - Word gets around. - Start. - Donkey Kong is the best. - What a waste of an ape. - I have a star. - This ghost is saying
that It can steal coins for me for free. - Well, you're going to do it? - I have a pact to never
steal unless stealing is free. - What the hell? I have the least coins. - I don't wanna piss off Donkey Kong. You have seen what he's capable of. - Yeah, winning. - You know, it'd be really funny if Donkey Kong won this mini game and land on a star space and got a star. - Less so funny, more
so (beeps) hysterical. - Oh, I'm great at using my thumbs. "In fact, I have been
using this my entire time. - We got to keep an eye on him. - Why is this so slow? - I'm barely getting anything. - Reeling back takes forever. - You know, I may have great thumbs, but I was blessed with the best palms. - I won. - I shouldn't do that. - Okay. We're up to the
Treasure Divers game. Oh God, Wario (beeps) off.. - Oh! (beeps) yeah, dude. I'm going for the dub, bitches. - I thought we were going
for the dub, bitches. - The dub stands for Wario, bitches. I'd love that. That'd be like treating
me like it's my birthday. - When is your birthday?
- January 26, 1997. - Nine months after Arbor Day. - That's a weird coincidence. - Oh it, it's no coincidence. It just got 20 coins. There's
nothing left for me here. - I have nine days left to live. - I think that'll do it for now. Donkey Kong may won, but so did smallpox. - For a while there. - I should probably check
with my contractor agency to make sure to play
Mario Party One allowed. - Yeah, this is first time I've ever played Mario Party with the client. Usually they just want to
hang out and enjoy life. - Well, at least I'm happy
that I finally get to throw a party for the first
time, getting lung cancer and never used my hand again, all with professional Mario Party players. - I think I'm an escort. Hey all, Scott here. Oh, don't worry, this
one's my primary Wii U and these are my Wii U's in
case I get lasagna on this one. Some people might say, "Scott just buy a PC and get into PC gaming." Yeah, sure. When I learned
the error of my ways. Atari couldn't just look pathetic. They were Atari! (scary violin music) (wind blowing) Hey all, Scott here. I
know what it looks like. I wasn't looking for a pumpkin,
I was looking for grass. Oh, wow. Okay, fine. I couldn't take it anymore. Just yesterday I was doing a live. (gaming music) I've had enough of this. And I decided to finally buy a pumpkin. Grass, let's look around here. - Welcome to the Lesler Pumpkin Orchard, where pumpkins are our specialty and orchards are a close second. - Whoa, vegan Terry Lesler running a non-permitted pumpkin patch. - Can you name a more vegan crime? - Well, been a gourd user for awhile looking to make an upgrade. - Never bought a pumpkin before? What are you carving
during the fall, then? - Leaves and watermelons. - Well, we do offer conversion therapy. - Nah, I think I'm good. I'll buy that one, I'll buy that one. That is a nice-ass pumpkin. - Oh, well, this is just a rental. - Nah, I'm looking to own. You really think you're ready to go in raw and own a pumpkin? It's a lot of responsibility. Maybe you should start with
a goldfish or something. - No, ever since I was a kid, I pledged that by the time
I'm 17, I would own a pumpkin. I'm 23 now and I've gotten nothing done over the past six years because it's been at the
top of my to-do list. Let's get this over with. - Perfect. We'll do a background check. You'll be the first unit on a pumpkin. - Yes, I'll pick that one, the orange one. - You want the two-year warranty? - I hate the metric system. How many hours is that? Hey, man, I run a pumpkin
patch, not a clock. Alright, just tell me when. (pumpkin plopping) - That's good. (thudding) - Alrighty, so here's
going to be your paperwork. - Can I have my ID back? - And your passport, mugshot, and watch. You take care of that thing. - Good stuff. You are currently looking at
a registered pumpkin owner. Sure, I have dabbled in owning foam decoratory pumpkins in the past, but those I would just throw out after the season was over. These ones, completely different. (hammer thudding) This one's real. I asked if there was any pumpkin
regulations in the county. I can't quarter it in a time of peace. I said, I didn't want it after that, but I already took the cellophane off. My first real pumpkin. And to celebrate, I decided to invite all pumpkin users in the area. Throw a bit of a pumpkin party. I hope that isn't slang. Terry should be happy to
see how this pumpkin's doing and, plus, four years from now, I'll be throwing my first party. I think I'm ready to throw
another one right now. I think I'm finally
ready to present myself in front of the pumpkin
demographic. Dammit. Okay, maybe I should make this more of a half pumpkin, half Halloween party. I don't want to make an ass out of myself in front of the pumpkin fandom, so I'll distract them by making it more of a Halloween party. All I have to do is come
up with a scary costume. I have had this list for over four hours and I've never acted upon it. I could go with somebody who's
owned a pumpkin before... My cover will be blown. I could go with somebody
who ate a (beep) Wii. Maybe next year. Found the scariest one. Of course, I could also
go as memory card talker, but I go as that year round. I'm just going to need some
materials for this costume. Okay, customers also bought memory cards. I can go as two things. (beep) it. Sure, in the game itself,
they're distinct enough, but when you're writing down a password, you'll probably just use whatever your brain thinks will be funny. Why couldn't God make
the "o" look like this? So, if you want to pick up
where you left off in games. You either had to keep the game
console running indefinitely or something you have to
explain to your parents. I don't want them thinking
I play "Mega Man IV." What is this? Coordinates for a bomb. What kind of passwords are these? You try to get into a club and they ask, "What's the password? (arcade game music) C, 7, 6, 4. Oh, (beep) I thought
you were another dork. - Am I the first to arrive? (light music)
- Yes. - Well, just step outside,
change into a scary costume and you'll be fine. (door slamming) What are you, a meat eater? - A person. - Oh yeah, I can tell by the hat. Sometimes memory cards would come with games like with Animal Crossing. You got a GameCube memory
card free of charge. Makes sense considering Animal Crossing required a ton of space to save. So you pretty much needed
a memory card just for it. It's an Animal
Crossing-themed memory card. Just like how I have an
Animal Crossing-themed thigh. - I don't know. Is it really worth neglecting your pumpkin for so long
that it can save, guys? - I can't help it the pumpkin dies. All the bees flew south for the winter. Pollination's over. - Wait, this isn't the right pumpkin. - Oh, yeah, it's over there. (hand slapping) - Looking good, got
any plans for this guy? - I was thinking we could bob for apples, but with this instead. (doorbell ringing) Or you can feel free
to not saying anything. (water splashing) Got a pumpkin? - Oh God, we were supposed
to bring pumpkins? - I was hoping the invitation would be cryptic in a good way. - Wait. (pumpkins thudding) Never mind. - What are you supposed to be? - I was going for person, but everybody's going as that this year. - Oh, come on. - I thought I'd channel my inner Wendy's employee for my costume. - You are a Wendy's employee. - Is it really that convincing? (doorbell ringing) - What are you, a doorway pirate? - No, I'm Gex. - I thought he was depressed. - Whoa, there. I'm going to need to see some fruit. - How's this?
- No. - This?
(grunting) - This?
- Language. - This? - Yeah, it's a(beep)
pumpkin party. Get in. (doorbell ringing) And what are you supposed to be? - [Man With Mirror] You. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, not today. - That's not a pumpkin. (Man with Mirror grunts) - [Man With Mirror] When
I saw the invitation, I thought the P said P,the
U said I, the M said N, the P said E, the K said A. - Listen, I don't want
to hear any excuses. - [Man With Mirror] I'm fruit blind. - Can't see fruit. - That poor bastard. - You can't be here with that. - [Man With Mirror] I have a permit. (light music) (beep) fruit blindness. - But wouldn't you know, at
least the PlayStation portable kept the dream alive. (beep). Oh, oh I thought
it was a fingernail. What do you guys say we pop
some of these suckers in, get an insight into the previous owners? - Wouldn't be a pumpkin
without a background check. - I always wanted to
tour a pumpkin studio. - [Man With Mirror] It's (beep) freezing. - These aren't pumpkins, are they? - What was your first tell? - I knew it, I knew it. Every time a pumpkin claims
to save "Geist" data, it's always a scam. - How could I let this happen twice? - Right when we found these work pumpkins, I knew something was up. - [Man With Mirror] Yeah,
guys. Let's get out of here. (door slamming) (door locking)
(scary music) - It's probably just a rat. - Oh, not my leg day legs.
I need them for leg days. (pumpkin thudding) (game thudding) - Take off your costume. - (beep) This is a room? That pumpkin had a whole being
a pumpkin in front of it. You know how old she was in pumpkin years? - Oh, that was a pumpkin? Thought you used a napkin. - What's fruit blindness like? - It's really funny, until
you have to identify fruit. - That pumpkin had it coming. It couldn't even be a watermelon. - You take that back. - Should we take him to a hospital? - No, he's already dead. And I've got to say, for
someone owning a pumpkin? Not impressed. (game clanking) Wait, he's just sitting there like a pumpkin. No, I'm not going to let my Wii get possessed by a pumpkin. Of all fruits, pumpkins need to be eaten, not enjoyed. You have them for two months
out of the entire year and then we're back to watermelons. No, okay, I'm glad I got owning a pumpkin out of the way, because it'll
bump my credit score up. For now, no, we need to end this, regardless of what body you possessed. I ate the (beep) Wii. Hey all, Scott here. It's truly an awful situation
when you re-experience something you initially loved,
but upon further inspection it's just not as good as
you remember it being. I'm of course, talking about eczema. Tried it again, wasn't into it. Anyways, I'm going to
replay "Mario 3D Land." I mean, hearing that they're
making a new 3D Mario game and seeing these screenshots, it is one They had these CGI animations
representing the major Nintendo 3DS games they were
about to go into detail about. And one of them was for Mario 3DS. Mario comes in, jumps
around and gets a power up. I never cared for Mario, but
I'm liking the new direction. This up ended up being the Tanooki suit. Yay. PETA is the organization to listen to. They love animals so much. They would kill one to
prove how serious they are. They saw Nintendo was
releasing a new Mario game featuring an animal suit as a power up and decided to go for the angle of this. They even made an online
flash game about it all. Well, now I got to listen to them. Obviously this was done
as a way to get attention. If you were somebody going
online to discuss how that PETA thinks Nintendo's
promoting animal abuse, congratulations, you did exactly what PETA wanted you to do. And Mario 3 had a frog suit, did anybody really think Nintendo was pressuring kids to think anything of that? Here's a gun, kill a frog. Starting up a new file Super
Mario 3D Land has a tree. And a lot of it. I guess this is giving a story context as to why there are now Tanooki
leaves all over the place because that was my biggest concern when this game was announced. How was that Bowser's doing? It was a rainy night and it's like, if I saw a fire, oh, I know this exact arsonist I can tell by
his signature flames. Oh, the 3D works pretty
well on Mario 3D Land. It's just not that necessary. It does benefit you to leave
it on, but I've played most of the game in 2D no problem. May have missed a few jumps here and there but I can always shrug it off. Oh my God. I said something wild didn't I? I should shield my eyes
from such statements. I didn't have sunglasses. So I spray painted my lenses black. Hey all, Scott here. I am not doing well. It's been a week since Daylight
Savings Day, worst holiday. I've changed my clock,
I'm still not used to it. I hate change. I've had the same feet
for years, thank you. I don't wanna change and I'm gonna stick doing what I do best, playing games that released in 2018 on the PS3. The next generation of gaming is upon us, it's time to upgrade! No! No! One of the most notorious examples, "Donald Duck Goin' Quackers." God, that (beep) game. See Twilight Princess
was initially revealed as just a GameCube game,
but as time went on, its completion date lined up perfectly with the launch of
Nintendo's next home console. Uh-oh! So they decided to make Link right-handed in the Wii version. That was obviously done by just changing Link's model, right? Oh, it says no. It's just odd seeing some
games go the cross gen route like Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 5. Could a game like this run on the 360? Oh, no problem. Look at these clouds. You should buy it because there are meaningful
experiences to have on there. on the platform you already have, you don't need the new console. But Sack Boy has a five on the box now. I said, don't buy the console,
you can buy the games. Hey all, Scott here. Big day if you don't, have much going on, Microsoft and Sony have decided out of the kindness of their hearts they are releasing video game consoles. You heard it here third,
video game consoles. That's video game console is
with the G in there somewhere. Are launching to success is what I'd say. If you could actually buy them let's go to our Scott on the field. Scott? Scott it's launch day of
the brand new consoles or as some video game
fans have coined it today. It's a big deal taking into consideration. All the video game
console players out there roughly 3% of the population cares. Many fans have expressed to
stain in the limited supply of console is you can
barely find any in store. Well, Scott! That's pretty crazy. Did you nab any of the consoles? No. Okay. Oh and there's a tornado warning tonight. More on that tomorrow. Well, I did go to best buy and they did have some of
the new Xbox's leftover and the names of these are getting so bad. I swear they named the last one this That new generation smell, is what makes console launches so great. The launch itself? It could be better. I remember when the
Nintendo Switch launched, look at me, brown hair and
glasses, I was just a kid. I got the gray model. Of course, when I'm unboxing a console for the first time at launch, you say one of two things. It's way bigger/smaller
than I thought it would be. Then it's time for the setup. Getting to know your new console experiencing the new sound
effects and user interface. I can't wait. This is
going to be amazing... Boom. Yes. I spent $300 to
have my TV display this image. If only my switch was defective. Now it's a console launch. Of course, there was also
the great Nintendo Cwitch cartridge tasting phenomenon. Somebody discovered that each of these game cards had an
incredibly bitter taste to them. Well, that's one point against the switch. The PS4 was great with this stuff. It's fine. - I don't know how this
even became a thing people started doing. Like, yeah, it tastes bad. A better coating is here
to probably prevent people from putting them in their
mouth and swallowing. But is there any standard
how a cartridge should taste? Oh, the DS cartridges,
see, those taste okay. Do you ever have that fear? You just got this expensive thing. You really wanted it on the way from the store to the parking lot. You're worried that somebody's
going to steal it from you or you're going to drop the
box and it's going to break. That happened to me. Awwwww So why do I not give a (beep) about the PlayStation 5 and Xbox Series X Because I couldn't pre-order them! I wanted them honest to
God, but I was busy thinking about what it would be like to own them. Dammit. Hey all, Scott here. What are we sinning today? I am pretty hungry. Lust. I should get more into eating food, I heard people love that stuff. The issue is, I don't know how to cook. And that's a problem, with
Thanksgiving around the corner. What am I going to do if
I can't cook, be thankful? Thankfully, I have an escape route, there happens to be a Nintendo DS game that has all the answers. What am I doing here? This
isn't "Personal Trainer Math." Now this is a game. See, "100 Classic Books"
doesn't have an age rating because they're books, old
unedited public domain classics, like Huck Finn. "Personal Trainer: Cooking"
is basically just a cookbook, but it has alcohol references. So it's rated E for Everyone. So, overall "100 Classic
Books" is more appropriate for all ages. Ever actually read Huck Finn? - [Nintendo DS] Before we go any further, please adjust my voice
to the speed you like. - Slow down there. - [Nintendo DS] Is this
a good speed for you? - I have very slow ears. You can exclude certain ingredients based on dietary restrictions,
which is pretty handy. According to my religion,
stomach and opinion, I can't eat food. So it's good I can
exclude certain recipes. But what do I want to prepare here? New England clam chowder? (beep) it, that's kind of funny. Okay, select a saucepan
of an appropriate size for the number of servings
you will be preparing. All I had was a milk jug. Okay, so here's all the
ingredients I'm gonna need. Lucky for me, I already own food, I don't need to buy ingredients. Sure, I only have two of
the list of ingredients but I can make this work. First up, canned clams. And two thirds of a small onion. Thank God that's the only portion I had. - [Nintendo DS] Drain
the clams with a sieve. - The sieve was never on the ingredients. Can I substitute it with clams? Let's cut the onion,
cleanup, cutting utensils, substitute carrots with
clams, potatoes with clams, bacon with clams. And now it's time to cook. I didn't mean to get salmonella this year. May as well try another one. Oh (beep), they got goulash in this? Dammit, it uses onions, I already used my whole
two-thirds onion already. Now, you know what they say? If you can't make goulash, give up. They got a mac and cheese recipe here. That's my favorite side
dish in any Thanksgiving, next to pretzels. I have to try though. Chop the cheddar, boil the macaroni. I realized I was using a saucepan
and sieve as a cup holder, so lucky break there. Make the sauce, don't let it brown. Is green okay? Season with salt and pepper,
mix everything together. I don't have macaroni noodles, so I'm just gonna use thick spaghetti. Voila, macaroni and cheese, Ohioan style. - Oh boy, food and plates? - Oh yeah, I haven't eaten
all of the month of November to prepare for this. - Happy Thanksgiving. (chicken thuds on wall) - What is this? - It's a gourd, bitch. - What's in the crock pot? - Cereal. - You know what, I think I might go out for Thanksgiving this year. - There's this new place
downtown called Stale Pretzels. - Oh, what do they have? - I don't know. - Guys, I busted my
ass making all of this. The least you can do is eat everything. (cooking ware banging) (Nintendo DS talking indistinctly) (cooking ware crashing ) Which is why I will give
this infamous excuse for poor video game performance
towards my cooking ability. Why did my meals turn out bad? It was the controller, not me! Hey all, Scott here. Why didn't any of you tell me
about pencils. This is great. Consider me a newborn fan; I'm sold. I don't even have to think
about the next pencil I buy because I already pre-bought all of 'em. I should've waited for reviews. Most video games are mass-produced. You're not gonna have a hard time finding new "Super Mario Bros.
U Deluxe" on launch day, so if you pre-ordered it, get over there. If that game wasn't available
at Best Buy at launch, the simulation's crumbling. Now I wanted the game really bad, so I spent all my money
at the GameStop I was at, and thus I had to then figure out how to cancel my preorder at
the GameStop I preordered at. Hey, don't blame me. I was young and dumb; it was 2018. You know, I should've just paid for the pre-order in full
after buying the game at the other GameStop, so then I wouldn't have been
embarrassed in the slightest. I wouldn't have had to walk away from the one without a game and wouldn't have had to cancel
my pre-order at the other. I know what you're saying. No man should own that many
copies of "Wii Sports Resort." So two? Plus, who wants to tell a cashier, "Hi, I pre-ordered Go Vacation." Ah, you really care, don't you? So why did I pre-order
"Assassin's Creed IV?" I needed a new football. Yeah, I passed and preordered on Amazon. Guess when I got it? After the shipping delay? (doorbell rings)
Right now. "Ooh, sorry. "No more preorders for that. "Though, if you want, we have plenty "of 'LittleBigPlanet 3' pre-orders left." (sighs) Okay. Good thing you didn't have
to specifically pre-order to buy them. Now, they were selling 'em
separately at the store, as well. Thank god; I was out of cups. (cube clicking and cracking) How did they (beeps) up a Rubik's Cube? But to be fair, this is
the best pre-order bonus I've gotten so far. In terms of excitement, I'm brimming. Free condoms with "inFamous:
Second Son" at GameStop Italy. They'll work, or your money back. But I have time to kill, so I'm gonna pre-order
a pre-order of a game. That's where I get to stand in line to find out where I'll stand in line when it comes to pre-ordering the game because I'll get this pre-order bonus of this exclusive poster. - Yeah, I'll take the cigarette. Extra nicotine, hold the tobacco. Thanks. Hey all, Scott here. I'm trying new things.
Broadening my horizons. I'll try cancer, why not? You only live once. You're looking at a new
Scott here that hey alls, so why not celebrate by playing something I've never played before? The holidays are almost here, the season where new game systems and experiences are abundant. Everywhere you look, there's
something new to play, and not only that, but
so many games released throughout the year I
missed are crazy cheap. There's really no excuse right now not to play what this year had to offer. (beep) you, I'm playing "Wii Chess. As your patented young Nintendo fan that grew up with a GameCube, so does his opinion really matter, I was a big fan of this game. And I was also a big fan of lying. Look at that, three-year-olds
can't play chess in America, which means this must have
been a European exclusive. So Europe usually gets a raw
deal when it comes to games. Some of the greatest games of all time initially never released in Europe. Some of. I think more people wrongfully assume this game is a part of the Wii series, when there's a Wii series game they didn't even know existed. Yeah, don't look at me like
I don't own "Wii Chess." (gentle music) You use the D-pad to move
your pieces in "Wii Chess." Oh man, I can't wait till
"Wii Chess" comes out in the States, and I can use
the Wii Remote's pointer! I should've gotten into fishing instead. I can barely find any advertisements for this game out there. I wouldn't blame anybody
for not knowing it exists. Well, here's your warning. Hey (beep) you like chess? Yeah, and I hate pointing. Introducing "Wii Chess." Finally, chess you can't feel. Wanna play chess and nothing else? Yeah, what does it look
like, I like pointing? Introducing "Wii Chess," the only chess game on
Wii called "Wii Chess." Featuring a preexisting engine and acting like it's a major
feature when, in reality, using a pre-existing
engine is a lot easier than making a brand new one from scratch and acting like it's a big
feature on the back of the box. (beep) pointing. Introducing "Wii Chess," it's perfect if you wanna try new things. Hey all, Scott here. It is laundry season. Seems like everybody's cleaning
their clothes these days. I'm not one to go against trends. I'll do it. (scott coughs) Okay, I did clean my
pencils out with this, so it might not be ideal for the gears. Well, while I'm waiting
for that to heal up, why not tell a story to pass the time? This is a story of a brown-haired
white boy with glasses. Guess who? And one day, he decided to
talk about video game delays. Wanna hear some useless (beep)? But as somebody who watches the video game industry like
a hawk, I can sense things. My five senses are at dangerous levels. You ever see me taste lemonade? (scott screams) Take, for example, "Mighty No. 9." No! I think it's ready. Might as well test it out
by cleaning some forks. (washing machine explodes) Well, after numerous delays, I've decided to cancel the laundry. But don't you worry. I think everything will work out just fine for our brown-haired white friend. Game delays are inevitable
for all developers and most of the time, I think
they're highly respectable. It takes guts to admit, Hey, we need more time." And sure, some are annoying, most are definitely disappointing, but in the end, I think most delays are for the best. It's not like real life where pushing something off 'til later will get you in deep trouble. Huh. Hey all, Scott Here. It is laundry season. Seems like everybody's cleaning
their clothes these days. Hey all, Scott... Aargh! That felt like Space Chimps. (discordant music)
No! I feel pretty good about this. This is Shovelware. (cases clattering) Walmart thinks, "Oh, we're out of milk," fill the space with "Chicken Shoot." To think of all the chicken
slaughter games on Wii. I already played Chicken Shoot, you wouldn't know it because
I'm not dead, damn it. So let's try out another in the genre, "Chicken Blaster" by Zoo. Oh, what sets Chicken Blaster apart from the rest of the genre? Like five letters. Wow, it's so realistic, it truly feels like I'm
gutting a (beep) duck. When we blast the chickens, do they die or are they just fainting? No, it is canonical. These chickens are being slaughtered. Play the role of a chicken farmer whose birds have gone
haywire and save the farm from shooting these mad chickens. I mean, they know what a man wants. I might hate chickens
but I'm a big supporter of the Pheasant Movement. I just want people to take
them seriously you know. Well, they aren't a fad. This is "Pheasants Forever
Wingshooter," featuring pheasant, quail, duck, turkey, grouse. Grouse! They got the whole band back together. Apparently Pheasants Forever is an organization alongside
Quail Forever promoting the conservation of the birds. So let's kill 'em. (country rock music) Well, that's the most surprising
thing I've seen all day. All right, pick a location, this bottom one has dark
matter all over the place and I also never trust
a man named Owen Field. I'll just go with the first course. We get fun facts on the loading screen, treat every gun as if it were loaded. This is fun as (beep). Illegal, if anybody sees these birds in their neighborhood, run. The Wii was big on bird hate. Here I have Ultimate "Duck Hunting: "Hunting and Retrieving Ducks." Yeah. 70% of this cover isn't a duck though. And what are you shooting at? The duck's right there, just step on it. (duck quacking) God I wanna kill that duck. (inspiring music)
(ducks quacking) (gun shots) I'm not gonna say anything if I was a shitty opening
cut scene to a hunting game, I wouldn't wanna be made fun of. You know what? I don't even wanna bother, the lack of grass is really bugging me. How about we try, the
Ultimate Duck Hunting? (duck quacking) Yeah, I accidentally
bought this game twice. Apparently this game got
reprinted by Zoo with new art. At least this box is
more duck hunting related but again the duck's right
there just spit on it. No and I got time in a lust for blood, "North American Hunting Extravaganza." Yes, hunting extravaganza. This is a (beep) party. "Calvin Tucker's Redneck Farm
Animals Racing Tournament." The F-A-R-T, huh? That's funny. Get your redneck on! "Calvin Tucker's Redneck:
Farm Animal Racing Tournament" is a wacky kart game with
loads of typical redneck humor. If Forza was missing something. Their crazy organized
tournaments bring them from the farm to the
tropical Pirate island, from the Polar to Egypt
and from inside the Pyramid hey are warped into time
to the Medieval times and returning by UFO back in time again. You ever need a cigarette
after reading a paragraph? It's not even a paragraph, that final bit was one whole sentence! Then what does the manual say? Oh, we have a solid recap
of the story apparently all the farm animals want more
out of life than just a farm so they start up a racing tournament. Billy Pete's, Slimey Billy
"the frog" in quotes. Billy Barry, the silent
but the cool Billy-Cool with a sunglasses decides to join for reasons only the
mystical Billy-Cool knows. And of course crazy
cat Billy-Slick decides to join the party because
otherwise there is no one left at the farm for him to harass or oppress. What's your character's special ability? Oppression. I think these are the only two
Calvin Tucker games though, can't wait for the next one. Calvin Tucker and the (beep) busters. "Dave Mirra BMX Challenge."
What is he in space? You know, IGN gave this game a two. It's at least a four. Time to increase my
Monster energy drink gauge to do something I never filled it. I assume by doing tricks
it boosts your meter up, but that's not how I played
"Dave Mirra BMX challenge." I feel more reserved by failing. That's funny. I do have the urge to
drink a Monster now though. The store was fresh out I
subbed it out with kerosene. The people that played
"Dave Mirra BMX challenge" wear Carhartt jackets in April and spent way too long
in high school bathrooms. "Pizza Delivery Boy."
Let's get into this story. Oh, that's where my wallpaper came from. Enter Party Name. I hate how these games
are getting so political. Play a mini game, here's a 40
second long loading screen, here's our next mini game. - [Computer] Three, two, one. (Wii chimes) It's still better than pirates. Guess when neighborhoods games is? No thinking, just guess,
do it, no thoughts, first instinct, what do you think? Neighborhood games, do
it, do it, what is it? Worse than Deer Tracker, damn it. Hey, look at that, it has
the same start-up screen as Pheasants Forever except
it's a dragon not a pheasant. (speaking in foreign language) I can't speak Spanish
so you know I don't know if that's French or not. I don't think I can never
trust a man like I once did So I'm removing my shower curtain, there's nowhere to hide when
you're in this apartment. This looks like it could be a quality game where your main weapon
is projectile vomiting. I'm surprised the Z button
doesn't (beep) your pants. I'm pretty proud of my pants (beep) scheme if I get pulled over
for speeding I just go, officer I just (beep) my pants! What is he gonna do? Write you a ticket, with
(beep) in your pants? Spray isn't very good. Escaped The Museum, this really hits home. I gotta get out of here. his is a point and click
adventure of course with a Majesco logo in the corner. I think it's fair to have some doubts. We've already taken a look
at two other M&M's games, so let's run it out with
a full-blown adventure. This is an M&M. Woo wow! What can it do? Oh do I have a game to show you? Mmm, Adventure is a full
blown 3D platformers starring these little flavor seizures. This game is for those who
just love the M&M's characters, your friend who just won't
shut the (beep) up about them. hat kind of M&M's pointer is that? The M's too big. And why are all the titles so high up? Alright so let's start a new game. Thoughts so far? I love it. So Yellow M&M's in a locker, he shuts it. Look at this. What is this? So you have to do some security thing. The yellow is really digging (beep) here. Nevermind, all right time to play. No, that's not good, I'll give him that. I mean if you really just
(beep) love the M&M's characters and you wanna see what
they're like when they walk, I'm sure I get it we all have dreams. And certainly one of the
better games of the lot. But I should probably wait
until I play Space Chimps to judge any game from this point forward. Hey all, Scott here. You know you're happy when
you have 200 NES games to cry to to. I don't need companionship, I've been a human being for 21 years. Why would a 23-year old need
another human in their life? It's a one man job being alive. I don't need two. Of course, in terms of life goals, I'd love to be an uncle. Problem is, I'm an only child. So the only way I can do that is by marrying somebody with a nephew. That's how they get ya. It's not like I have trouble
doing anything like that. I'm more of a recreational
virgin, anyways. I can get married whenever I want. Watch. - [Operator] 911, what's your emergency? - Please (beep) me. Thank you all for coming. - When I heard you couldn't get laid, I dropped everything
and came straight here. - My online. Couldn't imagine anybody else being a part of the
(beep) Scott taskforce. - Yeah, I interpreted
that in a different way. - I just need help conquering virginity. I haven't messaged any girls on Tinder and I haven't gotten any responses yet. - You're not getting
any responses on Tinder? Have you tried to tell them how badly you want to (beep) 'em? So, speed dating?" - Count me in. - Who the hell are you? - Oh, you know my brother,
he worked at Wendy's. - Wendy's. Oh, the Wendy's employee. How's he doing? - Oh, yeah, not too good. He's been dead the past month. - What the hell? He didn't tell us. - Oh, maybe we can speed
date in honor of him. Really get the dead on our side. - Yeah, I'll give him a
call. See if he's open to it. - Yeah, we'll hand out some coupons, get the whole town to speed date. - Yeah, I think my parents are free. - He's not picking up. - Remember, girls really like it when you tell them how
desperate and lonely you are. - And you gotta get really mad if they don't want to (beep) you. - Listen, before people start showing up we should probably get you some practice. - Like a driving range. - Yeah, but without the flirting. - All right, let's sit down. Anyone on my side would be a girl, anyone on this side will be ... - Horny, got it. - Well, to show you a little about myself, here's a picture of me and my mom. - Aww, which one's you? - You got your dental records on you? (paper crinkles)
- Yeah. - Impressive. - Most dating is tooth-based these days. Just how it is. - Oh, people are really shallow. - Consider it a background check. For example, do you have
a death certificate? - Sorry, not yet. - Good! I'm not (beep) a ghost again. - All right, I got seven words for you: I will (beep) anything with a face. - Me? - Ah, I can't keep this up! Don't have sex, the world doesn't need it! - I have to get laid, I think it'll bump on my credit score. - If you get laid, who else
is not going to get laid? - You! You hate sex! - Hi. John Female, woman on the prowl. - Rex Most, school dance
historian and chaperone. - Wow, you chaperone school dances? That's so cool. I wish somebody could
chaperone the whole city. - Damn, you hate sex, too? What the (beep)? - Ah, you like sitting at tables, too? - It is table season. - The moment I saw you, I was, like, "Wow. What I would give
to see her at a table." So, all I am is a table user to you. - With teeth. - So, I hear you have a dead brother. - Is it really that noticeable? - Wow, you're so dreamy. You have those "I have
a dead brother" lips. - It is dead brother season. - So, you single? - My girlfriend drove you here. - So, that dead brother of yours, is he related to you? - Yup. Death does run in the family. - Nope, naw! I don't mingle with people
who associate with the dead. Learn to be alive, for once! (can clatters) - Are you bleeding? - Yes, let's discuss. - I don't want any bleeders. Vegan? - Okay, what am I gonna
do with all my blood? - Why is the blood yellow? - Yeah, I'm colorblind. - Hi. Jerry Atrics. Here's my sexual history. - Would any of your past partners be okay with me calling them
about your performance? - I don't see why not. I was always trustworthy. I never missed a day, and I
came on time every morning. - Wait a minute, this is your job resume. - No it's not! The last girl I was with
was named "Walgreens!" Big deal! - I gotta be honest with you, you don't look like your pictures. - Sorry, I was shot on the way here. - I think this is gearing
me up to real life girls. You're learning from the
best. We know what girls want. - Air. - Yeah, you're nearing passable
levels of speed dating. - What, I'm not good enough, yet? - Replace "not" with "really
not," and you'll be closer. - You did bleed all over me. - Hey, is this the place? - [All] Not now! - I'm now certified. (car rumbles) (tires squeal) - What are you doing? The funeral home's that way. - We're not going to a funeral. I knew that was the only
way to get you in the car. - What the hell? I bought
new shorts for that. - You've been going
down a bad path lately. - How lately? - About the past 23 years, give or take. - I can't help what I did as a fetus. I'm sorry. (traffic whirs) You took me from my apartment just to drive me back to my apartment? - Breaking an entering isn't as fun if you know what's happening. (door squeaks) - I'm not an alcoholic. - Your file says otherwise. - Listen, you're an all
right guy, damn near human. - We just wanna fix you. - I don't have to be mentally broken or not already castrated
for you to do that. I'm good. - Oh, all right. How about you just open
your Christmas present from this year? Oh boy, I hope it's a snake. (paper rustles) What the? (Scott grunts) - Somebody shut him up
with some duct tape. - On it. (Scott grunts) - [All] You're not an RPG guy. - I thought that was my race. - Nope, my bad, got them mixed up. (upbeat jazz music) Hey, good news, we're not
getting charged with kidnapping. I just got off the phone
with the government and we're on good terms. - Oh, tell them I said hi. - As Scott's roommate of nine months, I think that makes sense. - You're not my roommate. - I thought you knew. (Rex sobs) - I don't know what RPGs are, but they do be a little bitch about them. - Yeah, what are RPGs again? - I don't know, a gun? - Do I at least have a
chance to explain myself? - This is America, so no. - This isn't America, this is Ohio. It all started 23 years ago. The doctor said, "It's not an RPG fan." Contrary to popular belief, I didn't always play video games, which is why there are no
records of me prior to '03. This was the year I truly
started playing video games, so pretty much the year I was truly born, which, you know what that means. I'm a minor. Around this time was when I discovered the Nintendo Entertainment System. It as hooked up at my grandma's
house in the den area. I remember distinctly a
Goldfish cracker was lodged in the cartridge slot. Yeah, try it, it works. This was my cousin's old system, and he left it there alongside
a shoebox full of games. These are human teeth. Hopefully, this gave you a good idea as to what I was raised on, what games and consoles
made me who I am today. Notice how "Lufia II" wasn't mentioned? - As your therapist, I think you should be open to more things, like RPGs and murder. - But I've tried RPGs. - And I've tried murder. It doesn't count 'til you like it. - So what are RPGs again? - Isn't it a political party in Guinea? - Why are you so hellbent
on me being an RPG guy? You don't even know what RPGs are. - Yeah, I do. - Political party in Guinea. - We've been over this. - I always thought it was like a BLT, but for ranch, peas, and grapes. - Why did you all give me "Xenoblade?" - Oh, that's an RPG? I didn't even know "Xenoblade"
was pronounced like that. I thought we got you an enema. - Yeah, I was wondering why you didn't shove this up your ass. - [Scott] No. That doesn't mean I'm
opposed to other genres. I love puzzle games for a
lot of the same reasons. Rhythm games can be incredibly
satisfying and addictive. Adventure games are a dream to
get completely submerged in. Shooters I'm awful at, but they can be a blast. - Get to the (beep) Xeno (beep) - [Scott] I don't like RPGs. Now, what is an RPG? Why would you ask me? Role-playing games are games where the player controls
the actions of a character and/or several party members immersed in some well-defined world. - Oh.
- Mm. - So, what does that make me? - An abuser. - So what's the big deal? I love fantasy. Put that with three letters, I'm sold. - Yeah, seems to me you don't have much of an argument in here. - Like Stalin. - Stalin (beep) hated RPGs, but loved "Donkey Kong
Country: Tropical Freeze." Yes, absolutely.
- Yeah. Okay, yeah. - Okay, so we're-
(all chattering) - [Rex] Good point, better point. (intense rock music) ♪ It's not "FlingSmash," "Geist" ♪ ♪ Or "Burnout Crash!" ♪ ♪ Not "Mario Party 6" or "Ultra Smash" ♪ ♪ Neither "Club House
Games" or "Wii Fit Plus" ♪ ♪ Nor "Family Feud" on SNES ♪ ♪ All the games I play,
whether good or bad ♪ ♪ Have tropes in common,
my favorite doodads ♪ ♪ It may be rushed, or plain, or flawed ♪ ♪ But then, RPGs, oh, thank god ♪ (soft piano music) ♪ Are my tastes just bad ♪ ♪ Am I the one to blame ♪ ♪ Or is it RPGs that are dumb and lame ♪ - No. ♪ Why don't you play them ♪ ♪ They just take so
damn long to complete ♪ ♪ Why don't you play them ♪ ♪ 60 hours just to rinse and repeat ♪ ♪ But you could grind for years ♪ ♪ Just to beat that boss, oh ♪ ♪ Why waste all this
time on just one game ♪ ♪ Why don't you play them ♪ - I just don't like them. I just wanna play stupid Nintendo games that aren't this stupid. Why don't I like them? Okay. ♪ Turn-based battles and too much text ♪ ♪ I'd rather be out not having sex ♪ ♪ Menu clutter and useless stats ♪ ♪ And random encounters can kiss my ass ♪ ♪ No gameplay 'til hours in ♪ ♪ Combat ready, how did I win ♪ ♪ The same thing happens over again ♪ ♪ And that there fun part comes up when ♪ ♪ I missed one thing, and now I'm lost ♪ ♪ That one inch of text
really meant a lot ♪ ♪ There's some shop with
items I can't afford ♪ ♪ So grind for money ♪ ♪ You won't be bored ♪ ♪ I'm tired, I'm scared,
I'm not having fun ♪ ♪ There's no other way this can be spun ♪ ♪ What do I do ♪ ♪ What do I check ♪ ♪ It's an RPG, what did I expect ♪ ♪ Why don't you play them ♪ ♪ They're so good though ♪ ♪ Listen guys, you can have opinions ♪ ♪ Why don't you play them ♪ ♪ They're not my style ♪ ♪ Start a new file ♪ ♪ Why don't you ♪ ♪ Why, why don't you ♪ - Number two, wait your turn (beep) While I'm walking around, enjoying myself, thinking, what's next? Homicide. Here's a list of things I can do. I can attack, usually
perform some special ability, like existence. Well, that didn't do a damn thing. Or just give up, run, bitch out, they don't care. So I select what I wanna do, I watch the character do
what I told them to do. Then it's the enemy's turn,
because it's only fair. They attack. Thanks. And now we're back to me. I'll probably attack again. Actually, it might be a good time to heal myself with some medicine. Good I brought Dayquil. All right, and it's their turn again. They attack, and now, we're back to
me again, all right. - I thought I'd adjust my speech here. Scott, the lack of RPGs
you play is horrifying, and I've seen bees. - Oh, he means it. - To show how much we care, I have a surprise witness. - At an intervention? - I present to you Kay
Swiss of Bankruptcy Patrol. - Oh my god, you got a white guy? - We call this issue
the Scott-less economy. With you actually playing RPGs, we call it an economy. - You son of a bitch, I love the economy! - I feel like you're
really blocking yourself from experiences that will
truly better your life and outlook on art as a whole. I wrote this when I thought we were still talking about guns. - Okay, and what do you think
about role-playing games? - Oh, just don't be a bitch. (doorbell rings) It is your place. (door squeaks) - Yeah, I got a RPG delivery. - Jeb, why didn't you come earlier? - I worked today. I love the economy. (men cheering) I deliver RPGs to at-risk youth, so they grow up to RPG guys. Here. (eerie orchestral music) - This... This is "Madden." - Yeah? - No! No! No! - Anybody wanna rent the second room here? (door slams) - What, are you all RPGs, too? RPGs can be (beep) anything. I was talking to someone, and they (beep) catfished me. - Leap year this year. - It's December. - Oh, food's here. (meat bangs) - What is this? - They're ribs. - I thought we were getting a corn dog. - These are nature's corn dogs. - I can't eat ribs, I'm
not hungry, and vegan. - Aw, come on, somebody has to. I ordered the economy size. (men cheering) - Yeah, is this Stale Pretzels? I'd like to place an order. Yeah, the stale pretzels. - Oh, oh, get some ribs. - No, it's Stale Pretzels. All they have are stale pretzels. - No, if you ask, they'll make it for you. - Yeah, I'll do a side of pretzels. - That's kind of a weird way to say ribs. - My god, is this how we sounded to him? - Depends on how he pronounces ribs. - You know, we should do
something nice for him. I'd like to place a "FlingSmash" order. What do I want? (Target employee grunts) Yeah, I'll go with "FlingSmash" this time. (Target employee grunts) (door squeaks) - Whew, Christ, it's
been a busy day for us. Two deliveries? - This economy's about
to be the (beep) best. - So I thought you just delivered RPGs. - Well, RPG can mean a
lot of different things, for example, like when
you're really playing "Gex." Hey, kid, you want a "Gex?" - No, no, no, I have to pay for it. - God, I wanna (beep) the economy. - I think I've become an RPG guy. And I (beep) hate myself. What am I, what have I become? How do I even use one of these? Ah. (Scott grunts) (dramatic orchestral music) - [God] Hello, my name is God. - Oh my god, I meet Jesus and a Target
employee in the same week? - [God] I just wanted to
give you a formal warning on your recent performance as a human. You're really (beep) it. - I don't wanna (beep) anything. What did I do wrong? - [God] First off, that
time you drank that water and made a face, (beep) you, I make water. Second off, you're
trying to be an RPG guy. - I thought that's what everybody wanted. - [God] See, I crafted humanity to have the instinctive
trait to not like RPGs. - So that's why cavemen never played them. - [God] Then, all of a sudden, evolution was like (beep) you, here's "Ogre Battle 64:
Person of Lordly Caliber," the famous game that everybody loves. and ever since, we've
had a bunch of mutants walking around, playing RPGs. - So it's normal to not like RPGs? - [God] It's normal to not
like all kinds of things, whether it's RPGs or murder. - I never would've known. - [God] Scott, bubby,
you know who you are, and what you like and don't like. There's nothing wrong with that. You're not an RPG guy. You know this deep down,
but that doesn't mean you should immediately denounce every RPG that you come across. Even though RPGs were
never meant to be enjoyed, people like them, for some reason. You should respect and understand that as much as they should
respect and understand you, but even if you generally
don't like something, giving it a try from time to time can open your eyes to great experiences you would've never had otherwise. - Can I add you on LinkedIn? (uplifting orchestral music) I think I get it. I'm not an RPG guy, and sharks are just sexy fish, at the end of the day. RPGs aren't my go-to
genre, and that's okay, just like how everybody
doesn't like platformers, or sports games, or first-person
shooters, or party games. My criticisms of RPGs were just opinions. They're the same reasons
why people love RPGs, and that's okay. But that doesn't mean
I can never like RPGs. I really like "Dragon Quest," and some "Final Fantasy" games I like, and I'm just really happy
that "Xenoblade's" doing well, and "Persona 5" is really... No, I'm going too far. (beep) this, (beep) this,
(beep) this, (beep) this, (beep) this, (beep) this,
(beep) this, (beep) this, (beep) this, (beep) this, (beep) this, (beep) this, (beep) this, (beep) this, (beep) this, (beep) this,
(beep) this, (beep) this, (beep) this, (beep) this. Hey all, Scott here. I'm not an RPG guy, and
I'm proud of who I am. No RPG is ever gonna make
me anything otherwise. Damn it! (upbeat electronic music)
I kind of expected another one like last years. Quick clips of the best moments of each episode. Not the full episodes.
Unsubbed to Scott for ever thinking that Anime Games was ever an episode. Informing the public about the existence of Anime Games is undoubtedly a low that can never be topped.
AKA the best YouTube ever but now you can binge it
I would have to say 2020's best was Game Show Games due to the fact that there's 120 some jokes in a 13 minute video.
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