Hey all, Scott here! And do I ever have a beef with the National Calendar Society; months are opinions not statements, so welcome to the month of Bluth! You see I was always bummed by the fact that there weren't a lot of holidays leading up to Christmas, December is just a month of filler with a climax at the very end. So I've effectively moved the first 23 days of Christmas into its own month, Bluth, with TONS of new holidays! Today just so happens to be Why is Scott Wearing That Hat? Day. The only problem with the month of Bluth is that the last six days are reserved strictly for empathy. So it looks like I have some time to kill before Christmas, and what better way to pass the time than to look through some mail? I'm sold. [opening titles] Yep, this is the one. Always happens to me... Ah! Hey all, Scott here! Hey Scott, all here. My name's Terry Lesler and this is my assistant Jeb! Welcome to the third annual Vegan's Anonymous meeting. Got a big showing this year. So is this like a convention, or a cult or meeting? All right, so we got a little bit of column A,
little bit of column three in a whole lot in the cult column. You see, this time of year there sure is a lot of dairy in the air, so we really just got to come together this Christmas season. It's hell. Want to join the resistance? Well, anything to beef up my resume's Cult section! [vegan turmoil] Listen, I just don't wanna walk outta the house without this thing and constantly ask myself "what if"! Well well, THAT is what they ALL say. Guys, I swear I wasn't planning anything nefarious! Listen, what if I make it up to you by spreading Christmas cheer the only way I know how? I dunno, it's pretty hard to trust someone after a stunt like this. To me, you're basically wearing a racial slur on a shirt. Thank you, but come on--give me a chance. It's impossible not to crack a smile while pummeling through Madden™ 08. Holy sh*t, There's a Madden™ 08?! I know, I said the same thing when I first saw this game: "The 8th Madden™? Surely they've truly run out of ideas at this point." But right when I saw the opening cinematic I knew I wasn't in for the 8th Madden™... I was in for Madden™ 08. [Game Announcer] - "EA Sports™. It' in the game." It sure is. The opening here cuts between real-life footage and in-game graphics to highlight just how real Madden™ 08 is, jamming in our skulls the question: and Jesus Christ guys, my hand is as far up as I can make it, I do I do I do! After the NFL logo has some heart palpitations, were greeted to... *sigh* Welcome home, old friend. The Madden™ series was based off of the hit book, later adapted into a head coach and finally turned into video game franchise extraordinaire. It's truly one of the most successful game series out there, even though I'd consider it to be a one-hit wonder. Madden™ 08 was officially let free to the public on August 14, 2007, for the PC, PlayStation 2, PlayStation 3, PlayStation Portable, Nintendo Gamecube, Wii, Nintendo DS, Xbox, and Xbox 360, with a Mac version following suit on September 1st, 2007, which means us true Madden™ 08 fans disregard it hard. Well, you're probably yelling "tell me something I don't know!" We're taking a look at the Xbox 360 version here, which many consider to be the best of the bunch, but I couldn't personally choose just one. They're all great. But before we get too deep... Spoiler alert! For my favorite team. I'm picking the Chiefs--I love Kid Cuisine, and who says video games aren't art? The eighth time's the charm, because we truly have a trifecta going on here. A little to the left we have all the trophies, little to the middle, we have all the class rings I refused to buy in high school, and at a sharp right we have an empty closet for expansion. Madden™ 08 is the video game to really redefine the Madden™ 08 Genre. We play as the titular character Madden™ O. Eight on his trek to get from here... all the way over there, with a football included in there somewhere. Seems simple, but we have so many roadblocks in our way, such as him, him, and even him. Some of the most iconic antagonists in all media. Like many great games the concept is simple, but has a lot of depth. So many strategies are put into place before you can move. You can even ask a special guest star for advice on what to do exactly. You know John Madden™ refused to put his name on the franchise if it wasn't as realistic as possible. That's interesting, so that means real football players can ask the ghost of John Madden™ for advice. Can't wait to unlock him as a playable character. Let's get into the game... literally! In the My Madden™ section we have to bang out our own custom player. Everybody, please welcome Hidden Valley hailing from Tucson, Arizona, his favorite color is Auburn. In terms of stats, Hidden Valley has the stiffest arm in the county and very little else. But what's Hidden Valley without his team, the Clacks? We can customize the jersey color, pants color, helmet color, EA™, you've done it again. Madden™ 08 is the first time I could ever live out my fantasy of owning a football stadium named the Clackdome. Wait, is this vegan? Sure as hell's a whole lot of pigskin for this to be vegan. Well, if that doesn't do anything for you, then we can move on to another version. Next we have 2007's game of the year runner up, Madden™ 08 on the Gamecube. Not as fully featured as its Xbox 360 counterpart, but if you can smell competency right now, surely you're getting a whiff of Madden™ 08 on the Gamecube. It was the last game released on the console and what a way to piss out. You see, this is the kind of game that needs to be re-released in HD on current game consoles. Hopefully if a re-release does well, we'll see a sequel to Madden™ 08. -Wouldn't that be Madden™ 09?
-NO. Madden™ 08 TWO. Madden™ 09 doesn't count. It was an overhyped, underwhelming "spiritual successor" to a game that deserved far more. Anyways, the GameCube version oddly has a radically different user interface compared to the Xbox 360 variant. Doesn't make it any less magical, there's so much room for creativity tucked in this game. For example, here's Mr. Madden™ 08 running away from every number lower or higher than 08. Y'know what I'd like to see? Madden™ 08 for the DS. Y'know, I don't actually have that version. The DS version? You don't have the DS version?! You HAVE to have the DS version! I mean, if it makes it any better, we can move over to the Wii one! The WII ONE? At long last, we can feel what it's like to Madden™ 08 with the Wii's motion control capabilities. We can feel every Madden™, every 08, this is truly a milestone. This is probably one of the more barebone home console versions of the prophecy out on the market. Oh my God, I can't say something like that. It's Madden™ 08, just a bit simplified. Diet God is still God. The Wii version has a party mode that allows for everybody to join the craze. Only one Wii Remote is required per player, and it makes everything way easier to grasp. With only a few flicks you'll quickly understand Madden™ 08 is a right, not a privilege. The game is so smart with how it does everything, even the credits are smart! They have these pockets of blank so you have time to breathe between the lists of deities who made this. And on top of that the music is phenomenal! You listen to that baby purr? Sounds f*cking dumb. A-Alright guys, alright, what's your deal with this? Why are you being so tart with this? Listen man, Madden™ 08 just doesn't really speak to us. Woah, how do you know those are my 15 least favorite syllables in order? Just a little too much Madden™, not about my needs. Not really my thing. WHAT?!?!?!?!?!? -It's just too real.
-Way too smooth, not for me at all. I JUST DON'T GET IT! IT'S MADDEN™... IN 2007! THE TWO PERFECTLY MELD TOGETHER, WHAT MORE COULD YOU POSSIBLY WANT??? I don't know, something... better? Hey guys, look what I brought! Holy sh*t, is that Madden™ 09?! AAAAAAAUUUUUGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! [Dramatic Cue (D)] Jesus, Boomer! What did I tell you about the Madden 09 sh*t? We lose SO many clients to that. Where do you think he's going? I don't know, my guess would be Target. Excuse me, sir. Do you need any help? Uh, where's the Madden™ aisle? Four paces that way and hook a right. Thanks. It's nice to see a Target employee that knows what they're doing. Oh, no I don't work here. I just love helping people God, I love vegan bread. -Pairs really well with vegan coffee, too.
-So vegan... Aw, not again! Ah, he locked it. -Christmas is ruined...
-Should we check the trash bag? -Naw, that... that would just be rude.
-Yeah, you're right. Hey, looks like I was diagnosed with StealingeverycopyofMadden™18fromTargetoutofspite-itis, because I just stole every copy Madden™ 18 from Target out of spite. People need to realize there's only one Madden™ that matters; there's enough Madden™ in this world, but not enough 08. Hey everybody. This is a pre-recorded news segment from August 2016. I'm just gonna take a wild shot in the dark and say that all copies of Madden 18 are stolen from Target. HOLY SH*T I CALLED IT!!! Hey, we've gone viral! Of course, I doubt they'll ever find the stolen loot. The last place anybody ever checks is the white trash bag in the fridge at a Vegan's Anonymous Gathering. By the way, f*ck those guys. Let's play some more Madden™ 08. 9-1-1. What's your emergency? Yeah, I'll call you back later. Every single copy of Madden™ 18 is gone from Target. I think we need to get you-know-who on the case. Think it's worth his time? Every. Single. Copy of Madden™ 18 is gone. We got a mission for you. I'm on it. Officer Wool. Steel Wool. Gotta tackle the original Xbox version next. Huh. Really should've put a notice on the box before I bought this console. Anyways, that means it's time to crank out the original Xbox for this bad boy. And man, this is... uh... Madden™ 08... kind of like most Madden™'s on the console. Let's move abruptly over to the PlayStation 2 version... Which is Madden™, alright... PlayStation 3, it's... Madden™, Madden™, Madden™, Madden™... *gasp* What have I become? Turning to WebMD, it turns out I'm diagnosed with mostpeople-itis, which means I'm numb to Madden™ 08's effects. It's just a phase however. Don't worry. I'll be able to understand the differences between each version of Madden™ 08, and what makes it better than all Madden™'s in no time. But to aid me in my recovery, I've always feared this would happen, so I have my "Just in case Madden™ 08 loses its edge" emergency bag on standby. This bag's scientifically proven to show me how well I had it off with Madden™ 08 being my only Madden™ of choice. EW. This is just hilarious... (-𝘏𝘦𝘺 𝘨𝘶𝘺𝘴, 𝘓𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵!
-𝘏𝘰𝘭𝘺 𝘴𝘩*𝘵, 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘔𝘢𝘥𝘥𝘦𝘯™ 09?!) I dunno man, I just feel overwhelmed with... I can't really understand why... Looks like I got a postcard! I'm gonna brush my teeth if you don't mind... Hey all, 911 here. We're just calling house-to-house and seeing if you personally stole all the copies of Madden™ 18 from Target. Listen man, I don't have time for this. I'm brushing my teeth because of... Based on past experiences, that doesn't sound like you're brushing with toothpaste. Sounds like you're brushing with Raid. Not again. 𝗬𝗢𝗨 𝗛𝗔𝗩𝗘 𝗗𝗜𝗦𝗛𝗢𝗡𝗢𝗥𝗘𝗗 𝗠𝗬 𝗟𝗘𝗚𝗔𝗖𝗬 Well, when you put it that way... *GASP* Well, that was F*CKING terrifying! Not that I would expect anything less from a Raid-buzz... ...But nothing's more terrifying than the Post-Raid-Buzz-buzz! Hey, check this out: the Madden™-o-meter's off the charts at the V.A.G. and the 18-o-meter's not too far off. That might be where the stash is; is Officer Wool on his way there? Knowing him, he should be close--aw, sh*t, he's just been driving around in circles for the last half an hour. Let's just go there ourselves. [police turmoil] Nope, no sign of Madden™ 18 here... Wait, remember the last Madden™ scandal? SH*T, check the fridge!!! 𝗪𝗛𝗬? 𝗪𝗛𝗬 𝗗𝗜𝗗 𝗬𝗢𝗨 𝗗𝗢 𝗜𝗧? That is embarrassingly vague. 𝗦𝗧𝗘𝗔𝗟𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗠𝗔𝗗𝗗𝗘𝗡™ 𝟭𝟴 𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗕𝗟𝗔𝗠𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗜𝗧 𝗢𝗡 𝗔 𝗕𝗨𝗡𝗖𝗛 𝗢𝗙 𝗩𝗘𝗚𝗔𝗡𝗦. OH, that! Well, you see they didn't like the right version of Madden™, and... I'm not really fond of the new version Madden™, so... killing two birds. No stone involved though, that's just too messy. Who even are you? 𝗜 𝗔𝗠 LUIS CASTILLO, 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗖𝗢𝗩𝗘𝗥 𝗔𝗧𝗛𝗟𝗘𝗧𝗘 𝗢𝗙 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗦𝗣𝗔𝗡𝗜𝗦𝗛 𝗩𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗜𝗢𝗡 𝗢𝗙 𝗠𝗔𝗗𝗗𝗘𝗡™ 𝟬𝟴! *gasp* 𝗬𝗢𝗨 𝗦𝗛𝗢𝗨𝗟𝗗 𝗙𝗘𝗘𝗟 𝗢𝗩𝗘𝗥𝗪𝗛𝗘𝗟𝗠𝗘𝗗 𝗪𝗜𝗧𝗛 𝗚𝗨𝗜𝗟𝗧 𝗙𝗢𝗥 𝗬𝗢𝗨𝗥 𝗔𝗖𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡𝗦. 𝗬𝗢𝗨 𝗛𝗔𝗩𝗘 𝗦𝗧𝗢𝗟𝗘𝗡 𝗩𝗔𝗥𝗜𝗢𝗨𝗦 𝗖𝗢𝗣𝗜𝗘𝗦 𝗢𝗙 𝗢𝗨𝗥 𝗙𝗥𝗔𝗡𝗖𝗛𝗜𝗦𝗘'𝗦 𝗡𝗘𝗪𝗕𝗢𝗥𝗡, 𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗛𝗔𝗩𝗘 𝗕𝗟𝗔𝗠𝗘𝗗 𝗜𝗧 𝗢𝗡 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗜𝗡𝗡𝗢𝗖𝗘𝗡𝗧. I don't feel guilty! I did the world a favor by ridding it of all 18's, and those pesky vegans deserve to take the blame if all they like is Madden™ 09 and can't see why Madden™ 08 is the best one! America can finally rest easy knowing the Madden™ 18 bandits have finally been caught. 200 copies of Madden™ 18 have been found in a white trash bag in the fridge of the third annual Vegan's Anonymous Gathering. The following footage has just surfaced: [vegan/police turmoil] ...I'm gonna go outside for a bit. Wanna bite? No, no thanks. What's got you down? Madden™ 08 sh*t. Oh, I've been there. I mean, it's so hard man. I know it's the best. Why doesn't anybody believe it? Well, that's your belief, but I'm personally more of a Madden™ 13 guy myself. You f*ck. But you can't expect people to believe in what you believe. What's the point of beliefs if there's only one thing people can believe? ...Sh*t, I'm an a**hole. Luis! I was wrong! I'm gonna make this right. 𝗪𝗛𝗘𝗥𝗘 𝗔𝗥𝗘 𝗬𝗢𝗨 𝗚𝗢𝗜𝗡𝗚? Probably to jail for an undiscernible amount of time! See you later! Self-proclaimed crook here, guys! Have at it. Didn't you hear? Madden™ 28 was just announced. The price of Madden™ 18 has dropped tenfold. Guess this means you can steal as many Madden™ 18's as you want. -Thank you for your service.
-Godspeed. THIS JUST IN: Madden™ 28 has just been announced. Leave it to EA™ to make this the best Christmas yet. The Madden™ 18 bandits have now recently been transferred on the FBI's most wanted to the "Who Gives a Piss?" section. If you see these people, PLEASE at all cost, don't give a piss. I'm sorry. I-I got carried away with whole concept of Madden™ 08. It just means a lot to me. Listen, I mean you guys like a different Madden™, I'm gonna have to learn how to respect that, I won't push my belief of a great Madden™ on to you If you won't push it on to me. YOU KIDNAPPED AND FRAMED US! ...Yeah, it's one way of putting it. Y'know I could go for a nice restraining order about now. Roger that, see you later. Uh, I wanted to give you guys this. ...Thanks. F*ck that guy! Well, we survived the six days of empathy, and I have a little something-something that arrived at my doorstep... Aw, NICE!! ...Cool. It also came with a little invitation to something... Aw yeah, there is no way that could be misinterpreted. F*CK!
