IELTS Live - Task 2 Writing - Pass with Band 9

and welcome to today's live ielts class my name is adrian i'm streaming to you from beautiful central europe i hope everybody has had a great week and is looking forward to a fantastic weekend in this class we are looking at task two writing and how to pass with a band nine in the writing section of course this lesson is presented to you by ae help dot com for academic ielts success visit us there for the general aisles check us out at g ielts help dot com that's general alex help dot com on both of our websites we have a lot and lots of help for you including professional editing for the writing this is our academic website here with the blue background you can click that big red button to join our premium package our general ielts website looks like this with the green background and you can click that big red button to join us there welcome members we have lots of people uh joining in hi abhishek hi rajvir os chaby for dobbs bahrat nice to see you patricio welcome back to our group of members good to see you in the class hiroshika all right everyone uh check out our new instagram profiles for academic ielts follow us on ielts underscore ae help and for general alex follow us at uh giles help promoting our instagram new instagram accounts insta25 use that for a 25 discount on our websites if you have a question send me an email adrian at aehelp.com hi patricio nice to see you students let's finish that task too right now that we started yesterday of course everybody is welcome to watch in about 90 minutes we will have an all chat class where everybody will be able to join the chat that will be for reading for reading and uh we'll have classes tomorrow as well so make sure to join that will be speaking all right everyone so let's get into this i really want to finish this essay with you today members so let's get on it you know the class is about an hour long and all these essays takes 40 minutes even in the aisles so um let's do this together okay here is the task to question from yesterday task to writing you should spend about 40 minutes on this task in some areas of the u.s a curfew is imposed in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult what is your opinion about this so as we discussed this is an open uh question okay and you write 250 words we paraphrased we identified the topic lots of good tips and strategies in yesterday's class you can check out that video and then we came up with some good ideas so planning good planning for open questions or open-ended questions is very important and this was the introduction that came out of the planning which we finished yesterday so that was a good job there everyone nicely done um here it is so controlling juvenile activities at certain times in the day has become necessary in certain regions in the us now that i read it again and this is why it's good to always go back and read it i want to make a correction in my hook what do you think i'm going to correct so again i always encourage you go back to your writing the next day look at it again make some corrections make it better what do you what do you think i'm going to correct here after reading my hook today i'm going to make just one quick correction to make it better what do you think it will be so i just read it it's good i like it but i want to make it even better so i'm going to correct a little bit yeah rajveer says he's going to correct certain times at night okay you're on the right track regime okay uh certain times in the day i mean night time is the day it's not really so this isn't bothering me so much okay i can be more specific and write knight yeah very good kashir kashirisha says the repetition of certain yeah that's what bothers me more than anything is just repeating the word certain twice in my first sentence so help me out here members what kind of a word can i use to paraphrase one of these words certain so i don't repeat the same word so controlling juvenile activities at certain times in the day which is the night time has become necessary in certain regions in the u.s so help me to paraphrase one of these what is what is a synonym for certain yeah specific right now um before i do that so specific is okay therefore in some states and countries a specific time oh i have specific right there uh let me change it to something else there we go rajavir a particular nicely done okay it's another way to say certain yeah so this way i've decreased my repetition and i've increased my lexical resource absolutely so here we go so again always go back review and remove repetition make grammatical corrections and especially make corrections to content if you see necessary okay distinct is good as well abhishek yeah that would work so controlling juvenile activities at certain times in the day has become necessary in particular regions in the us therefore in some states and counties a specific time at which juvenile is restricted from being outdoors through a set of laws and consequences has been mandated this has a significant impact on teenagers and society although imposing a curfew on minors restricts their freedom i believe that having such regulation not only discourages delinquency but also encourages development okay great now let's get going on our body paragraph one so body paragraph one will be a deeper definition of my first key point my first key point is that i believe having curfews discourages delinquency that's my first key point that's clear in my thesis and now i'm going to create a body paragraph around that explaining it further giving examples and so forth and even going into a deeper definition so body one starts with a topic sentence and the topic sentence is a deep definition definition of key point one from the thesis in this case that is uh regulation or curfew let's be a bit more specific discourages delinquency okay all right and so uh give me your topic sentence for this all right hopefully some of you were studying preparing even perhaps last night um so you're ready with some thoughts all right abhishek's ready you're being very studious abhishek and that's going to really pay off that is key to success okay abhishek says the topic abhishek i like how you put the letter t there to show that that's your topic okay keeping teenagers confined to their homes during late hours of the night is beneficial for the community to reduce crime rates and addictive habits such as smoking and drugs okay abhishek good yeah i think that's fine that could work really well okay careful not to overdo it i mean you still can explain later but yeah i think that's that's a great start okay um ferdov says a curfew protects teenagers from being involved in illegal activities um okay for dobbs so uh yeah maybe even a bit more so that you're not just simply repeating the key point one you're still quite close for dobs to the key point you want to be even a bit deeper okay nick hill says prohibiting youngsters from doing illegal activities late night by forcing them to stay indoors mitigates crime rates okay nick hill not bad careful with your grammar okay rajiv says even though confining minors indoors limits their free movements it dissuades adolescents indulging in harmful and criminal activities very good rajvir rajvir i like how you did the argument counter-argument technique so limiting free movement and then counter-argument now rajvir when you do that think about a deeper definition of limiting their freedom okay so limiting their freedom okay what i mean by that rajveer is we have limiting freedom in the introduction so restricts their freedom okay so you have the right idea but i would define that further so i would do it something like this rajveer although forcing adolescence to stay indoors after dusk limits their social activities with peers it also limits their involvement in risky and illegal behaviors which can lead to social and physical harm okay so exactly what you're doing rajvir but more definition more description of what we're actually talking about okay you're always going for that extra step all right os says when miners spend a lot of time at home they uh get into less trouble unlike when they go out and participate in risky activities os a lot two words uh that's a mistake that most uh students will learn in grade four or five in canada and the us because it's one of the pet peeves of teachers is students writing a lot as one word it's a lot okay it's the article ah and the word lot so a lot all right two words uh os the other clear mistake that you want to avoid is using the future participle will okay in good writing essays do not jump around from past to present to future because then you're going to create time confusion and it's awkward for your readers so you want to maintain present tense as much as possible okay all right um so you see that here so here i'm basically doing what rajvir did so argument and then right away counter argument to my opinion with more details right so forcing adolescents to stay indoors is a little bit of a paraphrase of restricting freedom and then i do a little bit more so limits their social activities with peers so what is that freedom that we're taking away from [Music] these adolescents well we're kind of taking away their interaction with their cohorts cohorts or peers are the people that are in their social groups who are the same age as them okay so it's a little bit more there and then i go into a little bit more about discouraging delinquencies so what is delinquency limiting involvement in risky and illegal behaviors that's um for dobbs that's about what you had there and then with an adjective clause i'm adding a little bit more so leading to social and physical harm right so emphasizing that extra step of well okay crimes and and smoking and drinking what does that actually lead to that leads to social and physical harm for the teenager for society do you see for doves that extra little step with that adjective clause which can lead to social and physical harm and now i can explain that okay and that's what we're going to do so now comes the explanation all right following following along with me so you see how that's that extra little push for dobs right yeah good you see it perfect and that's what you want to do that's what you want to do to get those higher band scores to get that clear communication to your audience okay so let's uh let's do the explanation okay so let's explain this okay all right for dav says in other words miners outside after 6 pm without adults may interact with criminals and copy their behavior or begin to smoke and drink alcohol which is prohibited for teens uh yeah okay for dogs i like it yeah so that's the explanation right actually giving a picture to your reader now starting to quantify it right starting to make it into a contextual physical concept okay very good bakrat says curfew decreases the rate of wrong doing activities such as drug dealing alcohol and theft don't use etc can you give me a thumbs up on that bakrat don't use etc in your writing or in your speaking don't use and so on in college university you always get a red circle and go what's that you don't need to use etc it's very rare that we use that in writing just finish the sentence so such as drug such as dealing drugs drinking alcohol and stealing property parallel grammar right drug dealing alcohol drinking and property theft okay so noun verb noun verb noun verb if you want to simplify it bachrod then you just want to say drugs alcohol and theft it's a little bit more concise i would go with that okay and no etc just finish your sentence it's enough meanwhile students give their leisure time to attract towards social activities that's unclear bakra so rephrase that okay all right so no etc no and so on okay thumbs up got it looks bad okay don't do it it's a junior high school mistake okay rajvir says hundreds of juveniles partake in risky activities such as reckless driving drinking alcohol and smoking cigarettes due to peer pressure um once the sun has set after 11 at discos pubs and house parties i love it rajvir that's great i added a little bit to it and again watch that parallel grammar okay so the rate of um of bad behaviors such as drinking alcohol smoking cigarettes and reckless driving increases threefold during the night hours after 10 p.m because of peer pressure at pubs discos and house parties yeah that's a really nice explanation there i think that gives a very clear idea to your reader of what you're thinking about okay now roger notice the correction right so drinking alcohol smoking cigarettes and reckless driving driving recklessly reckless driving so here i still have a slight kind of a mistake because i have drinking alcohol smoking cigarettes so i have ing noun ing noun and reckless driving [Music] i want to change that so i want to have the ing before reckless okay so driving reckless would be a little bit better okay so we'll really watch that parallel grammar it's easy to make a mistake okay so such as drinking alcohol smoking cigarettes and driving reckless increases threefold during the night hours after 10 pm because of peer pressure at pubs discos and house parties yeah absolutely okay so that's some nice parallel grammar nice use of qualitative language uh 10 pm [Music] uh three-fold means three times more and okay we go all right driving reckless instead of recklessly so we don't want to use the adverb regiver so driving reckless parallel grammar okay very good uh devon says the new generations used to uh is involved devon not used to the new generation is often involved in drugs with their friends which leads them to criminal activities and damaging their future career and life opportunities okay devonsh good ideas careful with your grammar and the way you express that make sure that you use words correctly okay jian says likewise curfews discourage the rate of illegal behavior such as drug abuse drug and alcohol and sexual abuse okay so jian drug comma alcohol comma sexual abuse because drug uh alcohol and sexual can all modify the word abuse got it thumbs up jion yeah titan got it okay so don't so careful with parallel grammar lots of parallel grammar mistakes students okay so i'm going to write a little tip on that uh hi band so band 8 band 9 writing does not have parallel grammar mistakes okay so keep that in mind okay i'm going to write that here band 8 and 9 writing does not have what's called parallel grammatical or grammar mistakes okay if you're not familiar with what parallel grammar means check it okay it means that when you're writing a list or creating um or joining two phrases then your grammar forms match so it doesn't create grammar confusion okay all right okay so so far so good as you can notice members i'm reading different students at different times so keep going all right now we're going to write our example okay now the example before you do that remember a couple of important points here it's first person voice and us okay um by u.s i mean united states here okay why because of the question so always keep the question in your mind okay so it says here in some areas of the u.s a curfew is imposed so it's good to focus on the us for the example here and um also it's first person because it's what is your opinion about this and in our thesis we started with that first person voice of my opinion okay so i believe so we want to keep that first person voice here in our example and we want to include some concept of the u.s okay ferdav says for instance statistics show that in new york delinquency rate among adolescents was 10 fold higher after 7 pm in 2001 aft after imposing a curfew it dropped to a half minimizing pressure on on the public yeah for dobbs very good now include first person so um i read a report that in new york and then the rest of it's great okay for doves so that's all you want to do keep writing students i'm just going to take for dave's example because that's exactly what i'm looking for here and then i'll look at some other ones as well so i saw a newscast that in new york the delinquency rate among miners is 400 percent higher after 10 p.m and since imposing a curfew in 2008 this has dropped to less than half thereby alleviating pressure on parents and the public okay all right very good yeah so that's exactly what we're looking for no os uh the examiner does not care if you're from the us or not they're just looking at the example there's a lot of news about the us in uh the media so it's totally fine okay amrita says uh in metropolitan cities of the us youngsters uh imitate glamorous life and go to parties and pubs late at night leading to an increase in delinquent behavior amrita that's not an example that's an explanation okay an example is a specific case study okay i think many of you who have already done some university studies know the difference between a an experiment and a case study okay so let me give you a tip here okay it's my thesis so let me put it up here okay here we go tip when you think about example think about a case study a specific event which can be used as a clear instance for the explanation okay the important word here is case study and i think many of you who have already done a bachelor's degree are familiar with with what that means does everybody know what what that means a case study and that's what you should be thinking about you can in fact you can even use those words you can see say that a case study in new york revealed that okay you can even show show that because case study is a used collocation that is very clearly recognized okay and if you use the words case study that collocation your examiner will even think aha this student knows some university kind of level language okay yeah so abhishek says it's a real use case it's a case study okay so when you're thinking examples think about a case study okay those make the best examples all right and i can see that rajvir uh devange and others are saying yes i know what that is okay so amrita that's what you want to do okay i'm rita can i get a thumbs up i'm rita and go yeah i'll use a case study next time okay something really specific all right so not just that teenagers go out and party in the u.s at night time because that's still just an explanation okay more than an actual example all right um so like what kids in new york go to uh the galaxy uh disco and then drink until 2 a.m and then break windows after they come out onto the streets is that what you mean and then you go yes and then you go oh okay then that's your example okay amrita good thumbs up fantastic all right okay cool uh so we're uh moving along nicely and then now uh simply we just do a connecting sentence um so this is uh one of two reasons that i am in support of in of implementing a curfew for minors okay all right so now again while i'm reading i want to review my body paragraph read it revise it if necessary and then again one day later come back and fix it now of course i would have written my whole essay here in one sitting revised it right away uh revised it an hour later and then revised it a day later and revised it again a week later that is what leads to improving your writing okay so right now i'm going to do my instant revision this is my instant revision here although forcing adolescents to stay indoors after dusk limits their social activities with peers it also limits their involvement so right away up look at that i have limits and limits let me think of another word for limits limits their social activities with peers it also [Music] yeah what's another word for limits let's see um i can always go to the top here to my review and then check my thesaurus and it says bounds restricts confines um yeah so there's a few different ways to say limits okay um i'm gonna go with restricts sure just so i'm not repeating the same word using the thesaurus for that okay yeah restricts is good ali says governs um yeah that's good too very good hey jin restricts yeah so and if you can't come up with it use your thesaurus you'll learn that new word so although forcing adolescents to stay indoors after dusk limits their social activities with peers it also restricts their involvement in risky and illegal behaviors which can lead to social and physical harm the rate of bad behaviors such as drinking alcohol smoking cigarettes and driving reckless increases threefold during the night hours after 10 pm because of peer pressure at pubs discos and house parties i saw a newscast in new york the delinquency rate i saw a newscast that in new york uh the delinquency rate among miners is 400 percent higher after 10 p.m and since imposing a curfew okay here i have a little bit of a tense mistake was right or even had been so had been 400 percent higher after 10 p.m and since imposing a curfew in 2018 this has dropped to less than half much better grammar thereby alleviating pressure on parents and the public this is one of two reasons that i am in support of implementing a curfew for minors good sound argument good sound grammar lexical resource now if i go back tomorrow i can probably make it even better and if i go back a week from that time i will probably make it even that much better okay so reviewing and revising again and again is a very good strategy and i'm going to write that tip for you up here okay so tip review and revise your writing while practicing at home right after you write a couple of hours later a day later and a week later okay you will see significant improvements all right everybody got that so that's an important tip and it might seem a little bit cumbersome and tiring at the start but you do it a few times you definitely will see uh some improvement okay so right after a couple hours after even if you don't have a lot of time to really get into it just reading it and thinking about it and thinking how can i make this better is enough okay um all right nick hill says yeah all right so right away an hour later day later and a week later okay all right um so let's get into our second body paragraph now we're going to do a little bit faster writing here so work on your writing fluency for this okay it's our body two it's our 0.2 body 2.2 of course is encouraging um development and right away comes your topic sentence here which is encouraging development so give me your topic sentence for body paragraph two i'm gonna write you're gonna write we're gonna compare okay you all right good for dave says meanwhile adolescents can spend their time after 6 p.m to strengthen family bonds and learn new skills very nice for dobbs i love it rajvir says night curfews for miners enabled juveniles to spend some extra hours on their studies thereby improving their knowledge and confidence yeah good abhishek says furthermore with imposing a lock down in the u.s on minors not only can youngsters focus on their studies but also they can spend quality time with their family very good and all what you are doing is just taking from our planning i did the same so i like the use of furthermore here and i see that abhishek liked that word as well um the difference between um in addition and furthermore is that furthermore is like um plus one with a star okay so keep this in mind all right this is just a little uh extra note here so when you use furthermore it's like saying plus one with a gold star okay when you're saying in addition so this is english at the highest level feeling these subtle differences between furthermore and in addition in addition means simply another point which is equally important to the first um let me make this a little bit clearer another point which is even more important than the first okay do you see the difference now between furthermore and in addition and in this case for me it's a furthermore because i think that um we shouldn't simply just be focusing on reducing delinquent behavior but rather we should be emphasizing the need of a curfew to encourage positive behavior okay so you get the difference between furthermore and in addition and good authors will control the selection of words and connective words with a lot of intent with a lot of intention they don't have just kind of oh i'll just choose one or the other no it's very intensive in this case i want further more because this is even more important than my first point okay so furthermore by keeping teens at home after sunset parents have more opportunities to have their children engage in productive behavior which can lead to their mental and physical progression for a better adult life now comes the explanation everyone so let's go with some explanations okay amrita others i'm seeing what you're writing i will read some as well we're just going to keep rolling along here okay so explanations okay so you all right so typing away again quantitative language okay ali says additionally teenagers can make use of their time at home by improving their studies and strengthening bonds among family members okay good ali that's your topic sentence now again i would use furthermore instead of additionally but additionally it's okay so that here we're being very picky all right for dave says it has proven that spending more time with parents and siblings improves relationships among them aside from that if minors acquire uh necessary skills through online lessons is beneficial beneficial for later life okay for loves good good writing instead of between them among them between two among many okay keep that in mind between two among many that's a mistake that the examiner will catch the marker okay oh it says when miners uh do not go outside at night due to curfew they have more time to spend with their family and learn wisdoms studying hard can lead to great success in life os good ideas keep working on the grammar okay keep working on the grammar a lot of review revision editing okay bakrat says there are also some benefits for 15 to 17 year olds to having a curfew um teenagers can show their interest towards many activities such as dance singing piano okay yeah back right you're on the right idea um you need to chisel it a little bit polish it uh but uh you're on the right track rajvir says teens can learn advanced languages mathematics skills every day for three uh four hours in the evening and can also learn computer skills which can help them in their careers very good rajvir i like how you're being very concrete okay examples should be very or sorry explanations should be very concrete all right nick hill says spending an extra three to four hours with parents and their siblings creates strong bonds amongst them as well as studying harp hard helps to increase scores in academic studies these practices are beneficial for their future very good nick hill i love it okay haigen says miners have the opportunity to focus on specific subjects that they would like to develop further notwithstanding staying at home during the evening allows miners and family to strengthen their bonds through frequent communication very good heijin hey jin also keep working towards those very concrete ideas like rajvir has okay so go into the advanced language mathematical skills um hand-eye coordination something like that okay so get right in there all right okay amrita says after a busy schedule for the day miners get the opportunity to spend time with their parents to share their worries and feel relaxed and get solutions for their tensions okay uh find solutions to their problems amrita yeah okay find solutions not get solutions of their tensions but find solutions to their problems okay all right um now comes the example uh so here's my explanation okay uh in the three four hours in the evening when juveniles are only allowed out with adults i haven't forgotten that the question says they're allowed outside but with parents okay teens can spend time playing sports with their parents or working together on their studies this leads to mutual respect and strong communication among family members and in turn results in smart confident and successful young adults okay good so now let's go with the example and let's connect and use the example from the first body paragraph with the new york delinquency rate 10 pm curfew and then there's a decrease in delinquency so now of course we can use that in this paragraph and state that there's an increase in academic performance right that could be our very specific uh response and we create a lot of cohesion there so in the same newscast research also showed i'm going to be a little bit more specific i don't refer to location in the text so i don't say in the newscast i mentioned above it's awkward okay do not refer to location of information in your text it's awkward for most readers all right i see students doing that sometimes like in the paragraphs below i will explain okay fine yeah you have paragraphs below i'm assuming that that's what you're gonna do because that's what an essay is it's awkward okay everybody clear on that don't refer to location in the text the only time that strategy is used is in very long texts okay very very long text certainly not a 250 word text okay so when you have thousand words or two thousand words minimum then you might refer to some locations in some research papers but not on the ielts okay don't refer to location in your text it's awkward right so in the same newscast i saw on new york teens research showed that after 2018 the academic performance of 15 to 18 year olds or 17 a year olds has improved by uh 20 okay so connection there and it's clear all right now i can go into my conclusion okay okay everyone so again i'm going to do a quick review of my paragraph just to make sure that it flows and it fits here we go furthermore by keeping teens at home after sunset parents have more opportunities to have their children engage in productive behavior which can lead to their mental and physical progression for a better adult life in the three to four hours of the evening when i'm going to change this to in is okay of is a little bit better of the evening when juveniles are only allowed out with adults teens can spend time playing sports with their parents or working together on their studies this leads to mutual respect and strong communication among family members and in turn results in smart confident and successful young adults in the same newscast i saw in new york teens research showed that after 2018 once the curfew has been imposed it's a bit repetitive i don't need it the academic performance of 15 to 17 year olds has improved by 20 percent okay and now i go into my conclusion okay all right uh nick hill uh let me just see a couple of examples here nick hill says in that same article for instance during lockdown more than 60 to 70 percent of teenagers had learned some programming language and also watched movies with their families reported okay so nikhil make sure that you're not changing the concept but it's close okay good amrita says during the corona pandemic most teenagers are at home due to the lockdown and it is seen that they have more time with technology nowadays they are more comfortable on using computers and laptops okay amrita careful not to change your example from teenagers being forced to stay at home to a pandemic it's a little bit awkward okay so just put that to the side and stay focused okay ferdav says in conclusion imposing certain rules and regulations on adolescents at specific moments in the day can not only decrease crimes among youth but also give them more time to obtain the latest skills okay so for dobbs that's your conclusion i'm guessing um and from last and form lasting connections uh between family it is beneficial for both the teens and society yeah for dogs that could be a good conclusion okay i think you're definitely on the right track good i will write a conclusion after the class and share that with you tomorrow members okay so uh maybe at the beginning of our speaking part two class i'll share the conclusion um hey jin too bad you didn't keep your response up there i could have given you uh some feedback okay uh amrita i will take a couple of minutes uh in tomorrow's class at the beginning of our speaking part two uh to go over the conclusion okay i promise you amrita that we'll do a little bit on the conclusion so that you can see it i'll write it and then i'll explain the conclusion at the start of next class okay and then we'll spend the rest of it um on speaking part two okay all right everyone that's it for today abhishek good job on the conclusion as well um and that's actually not it for today it's it for this class uh again i'll do the conclusion at the beginning of the speaking class tomorrow for everybody watching you can join our premium ielts package with lots of hd videos uh crisp clear smooth bright at aep.com for academic ielts g ieltshelp.com for general coming up in about 30 minutes i will host one more class today for reading and everybody will be able to join that class okay so uh keep up the good work lots of really nice writing today by the way students i tip my hat to you members a lot of you have made leaps and bounds of improvement in your use of english and even your thinking of the way that you're putting together your ideas uh for your audience so that you're communicating much clearer and that's fantastic to see so keep it up and hopefully i'll see you in half an hour i'm adrienne bye for now see you soon you

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Keywords: IELTS, Task 2, writing, essay, paragraphs, sentences, vocabulary, introduction paragraph, band 9, body paragraphs, conclusion, IELTS description, English examination, writing IELTS, writing for task two, second part of writing, writing strategies, IELTS task 2, Lesson, Teacher, Learn, Student, Lessons, Learning, Free, Intro, Tutorial, IELTS task 2 explain, IELTS task 2 learning, IELTS task 2 explanations, plan, planning, understand, skills, strategies

Id: -ehmXU5sgPs

Length: 52min 13sec (3133 seconds)

Published: Fri Jan 29 2021