IELTS Live - Task 2 Writing - Finishing a Band 9 Essay

hi students and welcome to today's live ielts class my name is adrian and i'm streaming to you from beautiful victoria here on the west coast of canada i hope everybody is having a great weekend thus far staying healthy strong and optimistic hi janil welcome members this lesson is presented to you by ae help dot com that's academic english help dot com as well as g i e l t s help dot com that's general isles help dot com on both of those websites we have lots and lots of help for you to improve your english your communication and of course get some higher band scores on your next ielts exam this is our academic ielts website here with the blue background you can click that big red button to join the premium package it's a one-time payment for lifetime access you get lots of videos and hd practice exams and we are an ielts registration center and certified agents with the british council this is our general ielts website here with the green background and again click that big red button it is just a one-time payment for lifetime access and it really doesn't cost very much compared to the ielts exam so well worth it we of course have apps that connect to those websites the apps are academic ielts help and general al's help you can get those apps in your app store hi rajvir hi mahi good to have more members joining in if anybody has questions just send me an email adrian aehelp.com and we have this class and then a speaking class today of course uh sunday monday tuesday there's no classes and then i'm back on wednesday with speaking part one and we have our new schedule for that week i will post this schedule on our uh youtube community board as well okay uh now we've got lots of members in the class uh to become a member of our channel you simply just need to click the join button next to the subscribe button on the channel we have one members chat class and then one everyone chat class on uh thursdays fridays saturdays and then we have another class on wednesday for everyone all right so this is the task two writing question that we started yesterday um i'm just going to read the question and then the introduction and then we'll get right into the body paragraphs members so we'll do lots of writing i'll give you lots of feedback so you'll have a good chance to practice today for that band 9 complete essay all right here we go so ielts task 2 writing you should spend about 40 minutes on this task online education is rapidly increasing in popularity what has led to this development what are the advantages and disadvantages of online learning compared to in class instructions provide examples and explanations okay so we paraphrased yesterday we did lots of planning we figured out some good answers of course we realize that the topic is online education and the controlling ideas are reasons uh for its popularity uh and the advantages and disadvantages and of course it's a third person essay that's important members keep this in mind it's a third person essay so third person voice examples today okay so this was uh the introductory paragraph that i came up with and i know many of you came up with a similar quality introduction so here we go certainly the revolution of online education is well underway worldwide modern technology namely the computer and the internet has enabled billions of people to learn from the comfort of their homes and this has had a massive impact on education systems some negatives of remote learning are more distractions and less socialization while the main reasons for virtual pedagogies rise in popularity and its benefits our convenience affordability and diversity all right great so we begin our body paragraph and our body paragraph according to my thesis is going to deal with the negatives of remote learning so this is my thesis statement here starting from some negatives of remote learning are and then i have more distractions and less socialization now if i were writing a big university essay i could probably separate these distractions unless socialization into two paragraphs but it's the ielts i have about 300 words so this is going to be one paragraph here that discusses more distractions and less socialization in greater detail uh to uh the reader okay so our first step then as many of our members know is that for our body one we have to write a topic sentence and the topic sentence basically introduces the ideas of the body paragraph in greater details okay emma is asking since we mentioned computer and internet shall we say have enabled um uh not necessarily it's a very good question emme so because we mentioned the computer and the internet um no because this is a descriptive uh clause here and this description is actually describing technology so the verb has is referring to technology here okay so um we don't need to write have enabled modern technology has enabled this is an additive clause so the verb is according to this subject here very good question emme okay okay um so uh for dobbs um we are going to write about reasons so that will be in the essay but that's going to be in the second paragraph okay so we can roll that all into the second paragraph again remember students 300 words you have to be very strategic here good questions emmy and for doves okay so topic sentence introduce in detail the concept or points of body paragraph 1 in this case more distractions and less socialization okay so this is your topic sentence in some essays you can have multiple too like topic sentences okay so we want to basically paraphrase the concept of more distractions or less socialization uh give the reader an idea of what this means okay so and of course this is negatives okay you okay so uh here we go uh rajvir says one downside of online learning is that students are susceptible to lack of focus on the learning process due to the inappropriate study atmosphere okay very good rajveer so you're kind of separating them into two by the sounds of it so you're starting with more distractions i'm kind of grouping these together so i'm really trying to stay within that 300 350 words for the essay so that i have time to review for spelling mistakes and content mistakes so really working on being concise nevertheless rajvir you could do it that way just be as concise as possible okay this is what i wrote so two commonly observed deficits of learning from the comfort of the home are plenty of competing stimuli stimuli are basically inputs so they're impulses or inputs that we receive stimuli are actions in our world that um get our attention let's put it that way okay all right welcome kyber uh nbx is asking can we do two problems and two solutions this isn't a problems and solutions type essay uh nbx gaming so be really careful always pay attention to the question if you do two problems two solutions you're going to be off topic because the essay isn't asking what are the solutions for problems of learning um at home or online so that would be a different essay mbx so be really careful that's not what this essay is asking you okay all right this essay is asking you about the advantages and disadvantages of learning online and the reasons for it so be really really careful make sure those are the questions you're answering okay all right so again two commonly observed deficits of learning from the comfort of the home are plenty of competing stimuli that draw attention from studies as well as a lack of interaction with peers okay so basically i've taken the concept of more distractions and less socialization and given these a clear definition for my writing okay all right okay so now uh let's keep focusing here members let's go for an explanation okay so here um basically the concept that we're answering is the reader's going okay well why so why uh is there plenty of competing stimuli um what's going on why is there a lack of interaction uh with peers um so why what do you mean this is the kind of idea that's in the mind of your reader so you know a lot of us writers when we communicate presenters we tend to think that our audience knows this information so we can just skip it but it's not true it's really important as a presenter to give explanations and ideas to convey these really step by step okay and even if your audience does know parts of what you're saying the idea of good communication is also what's called affirmation so where basically your audience goes oh yeah that's what i thought i'm happy to read that that's what other people think too because that means that it's probably true okay so this is what's called consensus and you want consensus with your audience that's a very good position to be where you have consensus it means you have agreement with your audience's thinking okay all right um rajvir writes moreover virtual learning promotes alienation of students as they do not truly interact with with peers as they uh are not in the same classroom of study okay uh regret the last part there's a little bit awkward grammatically oh sorry let me try to read that again not truly interact with peers as they do in classroom study or in the classroom study okay roger yeah i get it i get it you'll have a good explanation coming after bakarat says online education is effectively uh let's take out the is because your verb is increases background so online education effectively increases with distractions in several ways through internet study at home that's a really nice start bhakra just be careful with your grammar so take out the is because increases is your verb okay make the e in education small because it's a common noun in that sentence all right rashika says people mean more interruptions when studying online at home and this leads to less focus on lessons and less communication with friends okay os says online education has deficits because students tend to be less focused during sessions because they are away physically from each other okay os that's a little bit unclear you're kind of grouping the two ideas but not in a very clear way so you might want to rethink how you word that okay all right um for dave says parents or children usually do not care about students studies and they interrupt students if they need help okay so for doves you're going into the explanation that's good rajvir is doing the same pupils can find it challenging to concentrate on live webinars continuously for two hours when family members are shouting and notifications from other software and applications are interrupting yeah very good rajvir absolutely and they are receiving notifications from other software and applications so that's the missing verb there rajvir is they are receiving notifications okay uh kashish says frequently students live together with their families roommates or friends therefore it can be problematic to fully focus on studying having continuous noise on the background wow students i must say it sounds like some of you are writing from experience which is good that's what you want to do but i'm i'm sorry to hear that a lot of you have that kind of experience i know i do too in fact i've been doing an online course as well so yeah it's easy to be distracted and working from home is kind of the same as studying from home as well right so it's true um kashirsha try to be a little bit more concise okay actually don't try just do it all right so kashirsha you're writing frequently students live together with their family and friends roommates um just kind of group that so write the same ideas kashirsha but using less words so frequently students are interrupted by their friends or family who often live with them okay and this is problematic and this constant noise is problematic so be concise kashisha practice being more concise okay all right um priti says furthermore there are a lot of advertisements that pop up while learning um and it distracts pupils and they're also absent from discussion with friends which deteriorate broad ideas of study okay uh pre-ti that's kind of a weak argument i mean we do have pop-up blockers so that you don't have advertisements popping up while studying you can turn notifications off momentarily so i don't know i think that's a little bit of a weak explanation at the beginning there i think being distracted by friends or family or other devices or by the food in the kitchen for example or mom's cooking i think that would be a little bit of a stronger argument okay so why what do you mean so you okay so again keeping it concise right friends family the television or even the smell of a home-cooked meal can frequently distract home learners from their studies and it is much easier to get up from the lesson and engage in these interruptions then doing this while sitting in a physical classroom okay so yeah really clearly give that to your reader okay and i'm really going for that concise content heavy sentence so friends family the television or even the smell of a home-cooked meal can frequently distract home learners from their studies and it is much easier to get up from the lessons and engage in these interruptions than doing uh this while sitting in a physical classroom furthermore learners are not able to um easily engage in conversation and group work with their peers because they are often unavailable in time and or space with virtual learning okay so that's my uh second point okay uh kyber by explanation we mean exactly so just going back here um by explanation uh we mean um explaining to the audience what you mean specifically by your topic sentence so it's what i said here so why are there more competing stimuli at home why are students not interacting with their peers as much what do you mean by that so what's your explanation for that okay all right so now that we have that um we can write our example okay and the example here is basically a real world example that your reader or your audience can empathize with so try to think of an example where nine to ten of your um readers will say oh yeah that's happened with me i can empathize okay so that's what you want to be thinking about um for your example where basically your reader goes oh yeah that's that's happened to me uh before i can i can empathize with that all right um so think about that all right uh for dab says for instance if students have to complete a group assignment without knowing each other's behavior and character it is tough to accomplish this task okay try to be a little bit more specific for doves and i think that um that example is almost a different challenge of um of this uh of this response so i might rethink that one for dobbs okay maybe think of a different example uh it's a good idea and for dogs you you bring up a good point with your example i think it's a good idea to think of two three four examples and then choose the one that you think ah this is going to be the best so don't rush your example okay so think of two or three examples and pick the best one ideally it is an example that may be applied to both body paragraphs okay which will create a lot of cohesion in your writing so good cohesive writing is really important for those high band essays okay kyber instead of saying for example you could use for instance of course as in the case of okay uh as one case shows there are lots of different ways kyber that you can express for example and of course kyber i'm not sure if you watched our most recent hd video on the channel one way to avoid saying for example in your writing or in your speaking is to simply just state the example okay so when you have a good example you don't really need to say for example the connection is clear for the reader so if i read my previous sentence okay so not easily able to engage in conversation and group work with their peers okay um we can uh do an example like when designing a business plan in an online class it is easy to procrastinate and play football with friends instead of doing the work also delays happen because of a poor communication among group members okay so here uh kyber notice how i'm not saying for example so i'm just literally going right into the example okay so when designing a business plan in an online class it is easy to procrastinate and uh play football with friends instead of doing the work also delays happen because of poor communication among group members so there we have a very clear example of online learning and i'm thinking of an example that you know a lot of people can empathize with a lot of people take business classes online a lot of people have assignments like uh creating a business plan to uh complete online and i bet a lot of people procrastinate and don't finish these business plans that they're maybe working on in a group on the deadline because they're distracted with other endeavors at home and they're not communicating with their group members okay so right into the example okay all right os says when schools were in log down due to covet 19 my kids attended their classes online but during the sessions they just played with their devices rather than listen to their teachers os that's really good i think that's a very clever example in this case so it's very real world okay now because os we're writing a third person essay here so again remember it's third person voice instead of saying my kids just write many kids okay many kids attended their classes online but statistically they showed poor results because they were distracted by other devices and um their parents okay uh call deep procrastinate means to keep putting off the work like oh i'll do it tomorrow oh i'll do it tomorrow no i'll do it next week no i'll do it tomorrow so that's the meaning of procrastinate okay all right so now we can have a connecting sentence here this is also often of course called the concluding sentence so i might write something like uh however these deficits uh can be of uh online learning can be managed and there are many benefits to such a method of learning of study okay so uh i can create a short connecting concluding sentence don't overthink this your connecting concluding sentences should only take you seconds okay um amanda the difference between among and between between is two so between you and i so there's two of us between you and i and among is with more than two so among all of the students in the class and me okay so i'll give you an example amanda i am explaining the definition of among and between between you and i i'm explaining this essay among all of the members in this class okay so between you and i two and among more than two okay all right um so next body paragraph body two same idea okay topic sentence explanation and example you don't need a concluding sentence in my opinion here because you have a conclusion after so it's kind of awkward to conclude now before i get into that i'm going to read my body paragraph just to make sure it makes sense it's not really redundant so two commonly observed deficits of learning from the comfort of the home are plenty of complete competing stimuli that draw attention from studies as well as lack of interaction with peers friends family the television or even the smell of a home-cooked meal can frequently distract home learners whoa from their studies and it is much easier to get up from the lesson and engage in these interruptions than doing this while sitting in a physical classroom furthermore learners are not able to easily engage in conversation uh okay instead of engage because i'm using it here engage engage it's a little bit redundant are not able to easily start a conversation and group work with their peers because they are unavailable in time and or space with virtual learning okay when designing a business plan in an online class it's easy to procrastinate and play football with friends instead of doing the work also delays happen because of poor communication among group members however these deficits of online learning can be managed and there are many benefits to such method of study okay that looks good all right so now i get into my body paragraph two which are about the benefits so uh the convenience okay the affordability um the diversity and this is of course grouped into reason so for dobbs this goes back to your question if you're still here for doves was saying shouldn't we say something about the reasons so yeah we should and i think this is exactly where we want to introduce that so in this topic sentence we want to tell the examiner we want to tell the reader that we didn't forget about that part of the question that what are the reasons of the popularity of online learning um so we want to emphasize that here in this topic sentence okay all right so write this topic sentence and emphasize that these are the reasons why online learning is popular as well so let me do the same and then we'll compare okay all right so there is my topic sentence which uh really defines that second point of the thesis and for dobbs i see that you're still there and listening which is fantastic okay so this is what i have here uh go ahead and write here members so just write your topic sentence practice your fluency okay so as you've noticed recently in these task two uh classes i'm pushing you by the time we get to body paragraph two you should have a clear idea of what a body paragraph is that topic sentence that explanation that example and if you don't please ask me okay and i'm pushing you for fluency so there comes a time in your learning when you have to practice your fluency as well as your use of english vocabulary and grammar okay so it's time for that fluency to shine um rajvir says the prime reasons for the popularity of learning via the internet are that it empowers learners to study anytime anywhere as well as arguably an inexpensive way to acquire knowledge very nice rajveer ferdav says the main reasons for of online educations our students have a lot of options for courses and teachers right for dogs so get a little bit more into it like i have here this is what i have many students favor and opt for online courses because it saves them time and money and they can choose their educational path from a broad range of courses and teachers and now if we combine our thinking i'll take a little bit from rajvir that they can study or that they can study anytime and anywhere okay so if i want to broaden that a little bit more all right okay so explanation what do we mean by that right okay um through distance learning students do not need to spend hours each week commuting to school and they can pick from thousands of different courses taught by millions of teachers worldwide okay now here um you have to be a little bit careful because of course this topic sentence has a lot of content so you could really write a very lengthy body paragraph explaining all of these points in great detail but you do have to limit yourself so this is where you definitely want to pay attention uh to time and your ability to finish the essay and also review the essay for mistakes that's what i didn't do in my last official ielts exam is i didn't review the essay i didn't check myself at this point i didn't realize that i'm not going to have a lot of time and i went into too much information so learn from my mistake and avoid doing that okay so you don't have to go into great detail about all of these points all right so through distance learning students do not need to spend hours each week commuting again going into that quantitative language right so hours and hours and they can pick from thousands of different courses taught by millions of teachers worldwide so often many of these courses cost a fraction of in class learning because there are significantly lower overhead costs okay so yeah in class learning is expensive you need uh infrastructure you need a building you need tables chairs uh learning equipment teaching equipment so it's going to be much much more expensive and again it's not a thousand word essay so we're not going to go into that information we can do that through the example okay all right let's see what you have so for dave says education uh via the internet has given a chance for poor students to study in the third level education um okay so you mean uh graduate level like university uh careful for doves not to uh jump concepts okay i think that you're trying to include too much into your essay too quickly be really careful about that you could lose your reader so i kind of follow what you're saying but careful okay rahul says the internet has eliminated all the physical boundaries and because of that they can learn from all over the world after comparing lots of options that suit their interests uh again same thing rahul it's kind of like what for dobbs is doing you're um saying a lot of information but it lacks clarity so you want to rethink how you can express that in a clear way okay all right uh rajvir says since students can watch recorded lessons and opt for different courses taught by thousands of instructions while sitting on their couch they can save many hours required for commuting to the institute for classroom teaching okay that's very synonymous regime with what i wrote here rashika says students can simply attend a room for online class instead of the commute to university this saves their time to spend with other important activities as well as in comparison to university classroom tuition rashika the money that you pay for school is tuition okay so yeah a business degree in a physical university can cost over twenty thousand dollars in tuition but the same degree completed online may only cost two thousand dollars okay all right um so here we go a business degree in a physical university can cost over twenty thousand dollars in tuition but the same degree completed online may only cost two thousand uh dollars okay and then i can keep going uh here as well all right kyber says online learning has additional benefits however which are time saving there's no contrast there kyber i don't know why you said however um so online learning careful with that okay that using uh connectives or subordinating conjunctions incorrectly students can be really confusing to your reader and can drop your score so online learning has additional benefits such as saving time and money and having the ability to choose from a broad range of courses from all over the world furthermore individuals do not need to spend hours in order to commute to their classes be specific kyber classes okay all right preeti says the internet makes courses um approachable in an easy way uh that word approachable pre-t is a little bit awkward um accessible pre-t accessible the internet makes courses accessible easily uh to students worldwide they can spend a little money to take courses and save time on commute careful not to repeat the word courses courses okay so be more concise watch your word choice pre-t accessible easily or easily accessible okay it's more accurate all right janeille says in relation to my previous example uh janil third person no my no you no i nothing like that okay so um in relation to the previous example an article explained that about 75 percent of students were satisfied because of the diversity of learning options and inexpensive tuition fees while doing distance education okay all right so now comes my conclusion all right the conclusion has three parts it has the points restated the argument strengthened and a take home message those are three parts to the conclusion of a persuasive essay before we get into that again let me just review this paragraph make sure that i don't have uh really awkward mistakes so many students favor and opt for online courses because it saves them time and money and they can choose their educational path from a broad range of courses and teachers that they can study from any time and anywhere okay because you can study from teachers and study from courses so i need the word from in here that's a missing preposition through distance learning students do not need to spend hours each week commuting to school and they can pick from thousands of different courses taught by millions of teachers worldwide often many of these courses cost a fraction of in-class learning because there are significantly lower overhead costs a business degree in a physical university can cost over twenty thousand dollars in tuition but the same degree completed online may only cost two thousand dollars okay good looking fine um i've got that connection of the business plan and the business course so there's still a good a kind of cohesion between my examples everybody sees that hopefully that's why i picked a business degree okay and then the conclusion so in conclusion so now again i'm going to emphasize that reasons for the popularity so for dobbs one more time so this is why i didn't do a separate paragraph for why online learning has become popular because it's throughout my essay it's in my introduction it's in my body paragraph two and now it's going to be again in my conclusion okay all right so i'm going to write the conclusion you write the conclusion i see some thumbs up there for the clarity about the connection which is good thank you for the feedback andre gianni and kyber i'm going to write the conclusion you write the conclusion and we'll compare as we go along okay so in conclusion although all right so i'm going to keep it like that i feel that my points are restated here and i've given um an argument and a take-home message as well so in conclusion although internet education can lack focus and interaction its rise to stardom is fueled by its accessibility cost and variety it is definitely an effective method of learning that is continuing to develop and helps propel humanity towards the next level of pedagogy pedagogy here of course is a professional way to say education okay kyber the big difference between writing three paragraphs and two paragraphs is usually when students write two body paragraphs instead of three then the body paragraphs are more developed oftentimes when students write three body paragraphs one or more of those body paragraphs are not really well developed they're vague they're kind of like okay so but with two they generally tend to have more content that's why it's better to have two okay rajvir writes in conclusion even though there are slight negatives of online education such as lack of concentration and group interaction lack of concentration and group interaction millions of learners embrace learning through the internet as it is easy and cost effect as it is an easy and cost effective way to gain knowledge uh really good okay uh kashirsha says the two main cons of online learning are occasional technical issues and its negative impact on socialization or on social development however the benefits of e-learning are accessibility and affordability which outweigh these negatives okay kashir show good we didn't actually talk about technical issues so we have to be careful about that make sure that if you write that in the conclusion kashirsha then it's in your essay also so do not introduce new concepts in your conclusion okay that's really important students do not introduce new concepts in your conclusion which you do not discuss in your essay okay andre says i strongly believe that online education has a great demand for modern people and creates opportunities for pupils and teachers to um progress uh easily and quickly in their uh education okay andrei no i right this is not a first person essay the question is not asking for that all right okay everyone so that's the full essay um and uh you've done a great job i hope that has created further clarity on what you need to focus on during the exam for your task to writing again you can get lots more help with your writing and with the other sections of the exam at on our websites ae help dot com for academic ielts and girlshelp.com for the general ielts the websites look like this general ielts green background click the big red button for a one-time payment and get lifetime access to the app and the website and for the academic it's the blue background at ae help that's it for this lesson great job everyone uh again i will be back in about half an hour where we will have an all chat class everybody will be able to join the chat uh that will be um for speaking speaking part three so you're very very welcome uh david if you felt the class was a bit heavy go back and review it or as you're very welcome i'd love to see more of your responses and practice writing in the class keep it up and hopefully i will see all of you in 30 minutes i'm adrienne i'm signing out from beautiful victoria for now see you shortly bye you

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Keywords: IELTS, Task 2, writing, essay, paragraphs, sentences, vocabulary, introduction paragraph, band 9, body paragraphs, conclusion, IELTS description, English examination, writing IELTS, writing for task two, second part of writing, writing strategies, IELTS task 2, Lesson, Teacher, Learn, Student, Lessons, Learning, Free, Intro, Tutorial, IELTS task 2 explain, IELTS task 2 learning, IELTS task 2 explanations, plan, planning, understand, skills, strategies

Id: ABFC2Vpuhec

Length: 55min 26sec (3326 seconds)

Published: Sat May 22 2021