Tourette syndrome, or Tourette's is a neurological disorder characterized by involuntary, unusual movements and compulsive vocalizations known as "tics". The first record of Tourette syndrome is often credited to the 15th century book "Malleus Maleficarum", which describes a priest whose tics at a time were believed to be the result of possession by the devil. Today, there are an estimated 200,000 Americans alone who have the most severe form of Tourette's and as many as 1% of the entire population Exhibit milder symptoms that are less visible. My name is Anthony Padilla, And today I'm gonna be sitting down with people with Tourette Syndrome to learn the truth about this, highly Misunderstood disorder. Do individuals with Tourette's proudly embrace their disorder, allowing themselves to celebrate their unique differences? Or do their unavoidable sudden tics cause them to live in constant stress, never able to relax or find a moment of peace within their own body. [Anthony] Hello Samuel! [Samuel] How's it going? [Anthony] Emberly! [Emberly] Anthony, nice to meet you! [Anthony] Anita! [Anita] Hello! Thank you so much for coming out and teaching me about the wondrous world of Tourette's syndrome. Yes. We'll see So what do you consider yourself: "someone with Tourette's" or do you prefer "Tourette's Syndrome"? Yes, I just concern myself someone with Tourette's syndrome. Yeah, I guess I am a person with Tourette's. I don't think I'm defined by it. I do stand up comedy and I'm just kind of like numb to being offended by anything really. So you even just be like "Twitchy!" and I'll be like, "meh" Twitchy?? I guess, I guess man. What does having Tourette's entail? I'd say it's basically Dealing with not having control over your body and your spoken words and... Just kind of navigating the world when other people don't understand that always. It's a neurological disorder. So it's basically my brain and my nervous system can't communicate. One of them wants Jamba Juice and the other one wants Robeks. Whoo, two iNcReDiBLe options that are both sO hEaLtHy. My body's just like, "I want a burger!" Yeah Is the proper term "tics" when describing Tourette's? Yeah, I call them tics Yeah, little twitches, verbal tics, I have that -- you'll probably hear into the microphone. What are your most common tics? I mean you can, you can for sure see, like I say "I'm a human bobblehead" because like I move my head a lot. You'll see my shoulders move [Emberly] I have like a water drop noise where it's like *bloop bloop* [both laugh] Clenching my jaw, a coughing tic, stuff like that. The one, when I was younger, I always looked surprised. So my eyes would open really wide. Like 0_0 [Samuel] I had one when I was a camp counselor, I was 16 years old and I had like this uncomfortable like... it was just this wrist rotation [Samuel] I have this new one that my body kind of goes like that. It looks like I'm about to pop and lock. Oh, yeah? [Samuel] It's like this and it's weird on stage. I have to like, explain it. Can you describe what having a tick feels like for anyone watching who just has no idea really, what that is like? So, if you've ever been really, really sick and you feel the urge to cough. You feel the slow, like, rise that you really really need to cough, and you can kind of suppress it for a little bit, but the more you suppress it, then the more uncomfortable it becomes, and it builds up, builds up, builds up. And so you really, really have to cough and then it just full-blown cough attack. And maybe every once and while, you'll get by where you completely suppress it and it goes away, but for the most part it's just an explosion. For the most part, Yeah, I mean if you have certain things that you do, like if you play sports or if you play an instrument, sometimes it can, it goes away during those times, for most cases. But you know, other than that, it's very hard to suppress them. Is there anything that makes Tourette syndrome-- [verbal tics] Sorry. It's, um, [Anthony] No need. [Anita] It's, um, it's... [Anita laughs] Sorry, which one? [Both laugh] [Anthony] No, no worries! Do you feel like you need to apologize usually, whenever you have certain tics? It's such a reflex, such a reflex! Like, even if I get clarification that I don't need to apologize I still end up doing it. And there's a certain element of instinctive, like, "I know it's okay but I still feel remorse for being inappropriate" I don't feel okay with being inappropriate and it feels wrong not to convey that intent and for people to know that it's not something you want to happen. You've kind of been forced to be apologetic for being who you are. Yeah to be fair, But, like I said, I don't really define myself by my condition. I don't see my Tourette's is who I am. I see it as my challenge. Everyone gets challenges and I'm not defined by the fact that I'm facing it. I'm different by how I handle it. Is there anything that makes Tourette syndrome "worse" or "better"? There are a lot of emotional triggers for Tourette's syndrome. A lot of us will find that... Any strong emotion can increase it. Having things to focus on it really helps with Tourette syndrome. A lot of us can sing an entire song without having a single tic. For me, it's whistling and I can try and manage it by whistling and when I whistle tunes, I don't tic and it also helps me focus and listen to my mind. When did you first realize that you have Tourette's Syndrome? I was four years old, when I remember. I was sitting on my parents bed. And, it was the craziest experience. I was by myself. I was just watching TV. And I felt like a ghost was, like, pulling my face It was so... it was crazy because I've never experienced anything like that and I didn't, I didn't ever twitch before or anything like that. It just felt like, it was like going like this, and it would like move to the right and then I couldn't stop doing it after I did it the first time. It was this crazy sensation where I just kept doing it over and over again. I started crying and I was, like, screaming for my mom. Because you didn't want to do it, but it just kept happening. Yeah, yeah, it felt like it was just out of my control. And so she took me to the doctor and they, they said "You have Tourette's" and I was four so I was like "What is that? What do I do with that information?" They were like "Well, now when kids at school pick on you, you can say you have Tourette's" and I was like... [both laugh] [Anthony] So now you have a label! I told the doctor, "Like, I don't think you know how school works because that's not the thing that makes kids stop picking on you." Like, "Oh, we understand." Yeah, yeah, yeah. "Did you say Tourette's? Oh interesting." My background was kind of very loose, I didn't have a lot of formal education, so there weren't really a lot of opportunities for people to pay attention to me and notice that there was something... unusual going on. And so it took me noticing for myself. Eventually, I got my diagnosis when I was 23 years old, no, it was 24, but they didn't even tell me until I was 26! So, you lived for 26 years of your life without knowing what you had? When I was younger, people weren't as well read about it. So when I was about nine or ten years old, I kept doing this and looking at the ceiling and my parents were all like "Yo stop." [Anthony laughs] "You should probably stop." They thought it was a bad habit, and like God bless them, they didn't know But the older I got, the more it it just kept happening and happening. I was like, "Mom and Dad, I can't control it." So I went to a neurologist and he said that he wasn't going to diagnose me because he didn't want me to get bullied. Wait, so he didn't want to officially tell you you had Tourette's syndrome because he thought it would cause more bullying? Yeah, I was like So you want me to just be like moving like this and people are all like, "Why you doing that?" and I'm like, "I don't know, dancing?" [both laugh] What was your reaction to finding out that you were confirmed to have Tourette's? I was overjoyed because I... grew up being punished for my Tourette's. I would have tics and it would seem like disobedience or attention-seeking. I broke my arm, really, really badly on a bike and my dad carried me into the house and my stepmom said, "It's not broken, She's just attention-seeking. She does this all the time." And she shook my arm and it made a *crunch* sound just like, "Mmm... maybe we should go to the to the doctors, just in case." And she was like telling me off in the car like, "If you make a fuss, I swear to God they'll be no tea and You'll have your nose against the wall for the rest of the night!" And I was terrified. So we got to the hospital, and they gave me this little card and it had, like, smiley faces on it -- because I was a kid -- and I pointed the happy one, because I looked at my stepmom and I was like, "Oh, I'll get in trouble if I make a fuss." So they almost didn't x-ray me He's like, "Nah, a kid would be screaming and would be quick to the sad face." But they did it just in case, and they're like, "Your kid is a tank!" So like, these are the situations I ended up in and When I finally got a diagnosis, an explanation, I was like, "No amount of therapy would have changed the way I behaved. It wasn't my fault! This is proof that it's involuntary!" Because there were times where I was just, like, so, I don't know... Mad at myself. And I said, "Why do I do all these awful things?" And it was really liberating. Do you proudly tell people you have Tourette's or is that something that you hope would remain more of a secret? [Samuel] I used to be shy about it. So I just kind of let it sit there and would awkwardly... like when somebody has like food on their face, and not tell them. [Samuel] I was that guy. And then I slowly became the person who I try to tell you as soon as I meet you, that I have it. Just so it's out of the way and we can move on. Have you ever been bullied for having Tourette's syndrome? It all started when I was 13, I begged my mom to go to school, I was home-educated most the time, So I went to school finally, and I got really badly bullied and the last day that I was there, Four guys that -- I was 13, they were about 16 or a 17, I think -- and they beat me into unconsciousness, [Anthony] Oh my god! [Anita] I woke up in the medical room. [Anthony] Were those kids that bullied you specifically bullying you because you had Tourette's, or because you stood out in some way, or what do you think it was? I think part of it was that I seemed like an antagonist. I would pinch the back of people's arms or I'd say offensive things and insulting things. The worst part is, that the more of a connection I have with someone or the closer the friendship, the more likely it is to happen and the more frequently it happens, so unfortunately, the hitting and slapping and all sorts. So I just I guess I ended up inadvertently picking fights and misbehaving and uh, it was really difficult to explain myself, because I was like, "I'm sorry! I don't know why I just did that!" How difficult is it to explain? Tourette's to someone who doesn't have any idea what it is? It can be difficult only because of the media portrayals, where, people think that Tourette's syndrome is simply just Cursing, which is coprolalia. So it can be difficult for people to comprehend that I can't control the movements or the sounds. But once you kind of get into the biological reasons, it becomes easier for them, an easier concept for them to grasp. [Anita] People don't, people don't understand Tourette's Syndrome. [Anita] People take clips of me saying things that are, are tics. And say, "Look at this terrible person, who's you know, shouting to kids, all these racial slurs, and being paid to do so!" And I was the center of a huge controversy recently, because I said the n-word and people got furious and I had to address it on YouTube. It sounds like people were taunting you and trying to get you to say these words that you didn't want to say in order to create this witch hunt on you. A lot of people don't realize that you can trigger tics. I didn't have an n-word tic until I started streaming. And for the first year, I still didn't have an n-word tic. "Why doesn't she have the n-word tic? Convenient how none of her tics could get her banned. That proves it's fake!" All that stuff. Some people were assuming that I was a fake, because I didn't have tics that would get me banned. And then they try to ban you when the tic comes out. [Anita] Yeah. [Anthony] You just can't win. Why do you think it's so difficult for some people to understand Tourette's? Because they don't have it. I mean, that's the biggest thing. If you don't have something, it's really difficult for you to put yourself in somebody else's shoes and, and really understand the full experience. Like if I say "I twitch." You go, Okay, he twitches." But you don't really see my entire day of running into this person and I have to tell them, or going through this or driving, and I'm twitching, or any small things. Do you find yourself trying to control your tics often? No, not anymore, because I kind of feel like if you have anxiety about it, and you don't want to happen, it happens more. The more something becomes an intrusive thought that you don't want to say or do, the more likely you are to do it. So if I try to manage it, I'm only fixating myself in a mentality that this is a scary, bad thing. And the more I do that, the more I tic, so it kind of backfires. How my your day-to-day life be different than someone who doesn't have Tourette's syndrome? I've gone to clean the toilet and chucked my phone in it. Just everything is a disaster. I throw drinks on the floor, and it's more annoying when I'm in a coffee shop, and they just hand me the coffee and I just go, "Thanks!" and pour it on the ground, and make eye contact. Oh my god! Wha- How do they react to that? [Anita] I live in a small town, so every single shop and coffee shop and everything I go to you, they all know me. Even the post people know about me! [Anita] So nobody surprised and usually they just chuckle. Post delivery men will warn each other about me. Cuz I will smack things out their hands, and if they bend over I will spank them. [both laugh] That's a pretty amazing like one-two punch there though. Here's a little quandary for you, because people ask this and I like, "Hmm, right." If someone knows I have a spanking tic and they bend over it really slowly in front of me and forced me to touch their ass against my will... Who's been sexually assaulted there? So because you have Tourette's this could mean that you were sexually harassed into doing the action? Yes, I'm both the perpetrator and the victim. How you consider it? I kind of think it's terrible to hijack someone's neurological disorder in order to force them into sexual contact. That's bad. I don't appreciate it from strangers. So I just don't end up... I prefer if people didn't and you know, you should always check with people's boundaries when it comes to tics. Right, right. So just just ask for an ass slapping if that's really what you want. Yes! Have your tics ever interfered with any serious situations? I went to court and they have like a little thing that scans you for weapons and stuff. And I went through it, they scanned me with like this little stick that checks for metal things and I just locked eyes with the lady doing this to me went, "I have a bomb!" right? [both laugh] [Anthony] Oh no... This guy, this head of security bustles out he's like, "That's my cue!" and he's like, "You can't even joke about that! Do you understand me?" And I was like, "I have Tourette's. I'm really sorry." And he was like, "Uh, okay. Well, it's still not okay, because, you know, terrorism and stuff." He didn't let me finish the sentence, which was, "If you tell me not to do something, I'm going to do it more!" So that was a very interesting day. What's the most awkward or worse timed tic that you've ever had? I was at the roulette table. There was like, eight people around the table, and the guy's putting the ball in the wheel, We're all putting our chips out there and I take a sip of my beer and I had this new tic where it's like, *ahem* It's like a throat-clearing and my chest like pops like that. And not just the beer that I sipped like the casinos beer, uh, all of it came out of my mouth [Anthony] Straight onto the table? No, everybody, like gets sprayed. It sprays the casino I was in. it looked like the Bellagio fountains coming out of my mouth. Everyone's -- I don't know why I thought I was gonna play it off as a joke to look stupid and I just started like looking up... [both laugh] Like people are going to laugh at that. they're like, "There's Samuel!" Yeah, "Look at him looking for sprinklers. We know it was your mouth." The dealer was like, "Hey, man, what the--?" He was drenched. Like DRENCHED. I don't -- I literally took a small sip of beer! I don't know where this came from. And he was looking at me, he's like, "What the heck?" and I was like, "Oh, I've Tourette's I'm sorry!" and he was like, "You don't look like a guy that has Tourette's." What does that mean? And I was like, yeah, that's what I said! I was like, "What did I look like?" and he's like, "You look like a guy who just lost and spit on me!" [both laugh] Yeah. Before we learn more about the wondrous world of living with Tourette Syndrome, I want to take a quick moment to say I'm sure you noticed by now based off my wonderful hair transformation that you've been seeing throughout this entire video, I was part way through recording these interviews when the current global crisis struck and I'm sitting down now with Anita remotely. She planned to be on the show here in person but the week before her flight out, all flights started being canceled, lockdown started occurring, and a flight across the pond was just simply no longer an option. So with that said, thank you all so much for supporting this series through all of this and adjusting to the remote interviews until it's safe to start sitting down here with people in person once again. I miss interviewing people in person so much but you know what, nothing is gonna stop me. Okay? We're gonna do this no matter what, the show must go on! And of course, thank you to the guests in this video, and this entire series, and all the communities attached for trusting me and covering in topics like this one. That's all I want to say, now back to learning about the wondrous world of living with Tourette Syndrome. Do you consider Tourette's to be a hindrance? When I was younger? Yeah, for sure. I thought it held me back from a lot of things. I blamed it for a lot of things. I used it as an excuse. Like I said, now it's a blessing. Do you feel like people ever underestimate you when they find out you have Tourette's? When I became a goalkeeper for soccer, obviously they're shooting balls at me and I can't let that in, like, I gotta be paying attention! But people have questioned whether or not I would be capable of focusing and playing that position. But I proved them wrong. In life in general, yeah. If I'm gonna do something and you know that I have Tourette's, a lot of people say you can't do that even with anything. In the entertainment industry, I wanted to act. There would be a TV show or something like that, I felt it would be cool experience and fun. And a lot of people were like, "You can't, you, have Tourette's you you'll be typecast." This and this, and then I got on TV and I was like, "Screw you!" But then they were like, "You're playing a guy with Tourette's." and I was like, "You were right. You're right the whole time." Is there anything that having Tourette's has prevented you from doing that you really wish you could do? This cool guy paid for me to go and do driver's lessons. He decided to help me out and be my instructor. I'm so glad he was in the car, because he pulled the brake so many times. I was having intrusive thoughts about veering off the track and things like that. I mean, obviously it became a tic and I was basically wobbling the steering wheel, accelerating towards the walls. Like there were some brave f***ers who decided to come with me. He would just some fans of the stream, wanted to hang out. So I had three other people in this vehicle and I just turned to all of them and go, "Do you like crashes?" and they're all sh***ing themselves. [Anita] Immediately. So it's not necessarily a matter of being curious of what that would be like or what that would feel like, it's just your, your brain kind of makes you want to fulfill that urge? Yeah, and sometimes the urge is so flash fast that I don't even see it coming. So you can't even think about the dangers of what that might mean? Yeah. I live on the coast, I hang out with my friends in the beach all the time. If we go to cliffs I'm like, "You have to stay out of arms reach of me, Or I could push you off, and I'd be devastated. So don't." And that's the level to which I have to be careful and it's devastating how dangerous it can be. Does Tourette's make it difficult to land and maintain a job? No one wanted to employ someone like me and for most of my life. I didn't have an explanation for my behavior. [Anita] So I just seemed weird. So there was no work. I was unemployed for most of my life, until I figured out how to make money and it was really hard, long journey to get to the point. I was self-sufficient doing that. [Anita] I did streaming as a hobby and that became my job and that's all I've ever been able to do as a result my condition. How do you feel about people being judgmental towards people with Tourette's? You have to understand that most of those people with Tourette's or disabilities, they're getting picked on by everybody non-stop. Do you really want to contribute? Right, be, and just be, yeah, exactly, be the be the difference-maker! I don't care. If people are judgmental, it's not because I'm flawed. I didn't choose this. I'm not defined by the things I didn't choose about myself. I'm defined by how I choose to handle my challenges. Onyx Litten wants to know what your most painful or annoying tic has been. I had one where I'd, like, close my eyes really really tight and open them up, and it started to blur my vision So that was one that like genuinely had an impact on my life. And that could have been rough if you were driving or something. Yeah. Yeah. Thank God. I was only six. I was in one of those cars where you walk it around but still running into walls. When I've had a concussion in the past, constantly moving my head like that.... Your brain was like, "F*** this." Oh yeah! No, 100%. It was like, "What are you doing?" [both laugh] Emberly: "Chill out!" I've punched my chin so much that, it's, one side of it sticks out further, the other side is higher up because I've just hit it so much. You've hit myself in the face so many times. Cat Girl wants to know if it's difficult for you to fall asleep. It was tough. Earlier in my life, when I was younger, because I twitch so much more and I'm so focused on it. Now it's not it's not difficult at all. I fall asleep like a like a regular living human. If I'm having a really high stress, high tic day. Sometimes it takes a little bit longer. Sometimes I'll continuously move my head back and forth and try to get that urge in my neck to finally be settled But, other than that, I don't really have any issues with it. On my stream, we call my tics Terrence. So Terrence falls asleep a good hour before I do, usually, like my tics die down the more tired I get. He takes about an hour to wake up after me as well, weirdly. So like, It's all neuro-chemically based. Tourette Syndrome is associated with an overproduction of dopamine and serotonin in the brain and your neurochemistry definitely changes very distinctly as your body's winding down for sleep. Has having Tourette's ever affected any of your relationships? Yeah, definitely. I have ticked in the bedroom. I never thought about specifically sex. I never thought about that. [Anita] Really? Cause what's interesting about that is, it's the most common question I get on the stream. Really? [Anita] It's "Do you tic during sex?" My answer is, "Only if they're s*** in bed." Because that's when my mind starts to wander and autoplay. Anyone you're together with knows if they're s*** in bed. I can crush a guy's spirits with just a simple pop. Like, I pop a lot, I make the sound *pop* a lot, and if I do that in bed, he tries a little harder. I've had it sick where I punched a dude in the crotch. So he was not into it. No, he wasn't into it! What's funny about that is when I tell people that story on stream, there are plenty of people in chat who go, "It's okay, I'd be fine with it. We'd get on fine!" You're like, "I don't know if you realize that that means that the sex was not good." Exactly! Exactly! What do you think the biggest misconception about Tourette's Syndrome is? Biggest misconception is that people think it's the verbal. They assume that everyone that has Tourette's syndrome is screaming things. Yeah, cuz you see it on on South Park and which is like super famous episode. Right, right, people are saying: Balls right so much little bits the South Park episode But because when you hear in see tics it can trigger your own and you can catch tics as well. I Don't I I don't know what shit cuz I start having Cartman's baby chicks. It's only gonna cause another wave of that kind of Suspicion and doubt that I've been receiving But from the little I did see of it it seemed Pretty spot-on if there's anyone watching who has threat syndrome Is there any kind of advice or anything that you'd want to say to them? You don't have to be defined by the things that challenging you can be defined by the way you face those challenges you can choose Who you are and you can participate and you can be a positive aspect in this world And this doesn't have to get in your way And the way that people see you isn't what defines you you define you do not let this thing Stop you from doing things go out make plans pursue your passions Don't think about oh I have Tourette's I can't do this. How are people gonna look at me? How are people gonna stare me? Who gives? B you baby, oh, yeah Right everybody, right standing ovation. Alright, so we're getting a couple of these the last Few things that I do at the end of every episode here Thank you. I Actually have a parting gift for you a special interviewer shirt, which you could get at Pattillo shop calm but for you This is for free, man. I love Our you have five seconds to shout out or promote anything you want directly in the camera go youtube.com backslash image a combo Twitter Instagram Facebook All the other platforms my name visit threat org to learn more about Tourette's syndrome and follow me on Instagram Twitter Take talk all those things out anxiety. You can hang out with me on Twitch. You can find me on youtube facebook twitter or facebook If you can't settle a can you convince people to subscribe to anthony padilla? That's also true Thank you so much samuel, I feel like I understand the wondrous world of Tourette's syndrome just a little bit more Thank you after spending the day with these people living with Tourette's syndrome I've come to understand just how much patience these individuals display in order to deal with the constant stigmatization and misunderstanding that comes with this disorder Shouldn't we be doing more to spread awareness and education on disorders like Tourette's so we can understand and appreciate Those who are different from ourselves. See you later. Bye guys, press a like bitch There was this one kid, I think I was like eight years old and he was like, hey man, I heard you have it He's like, can I come over your house after school? And I was like, that's weird. That's a very weird request Yeah, and then he comes over and we're sitting in my room and he was like, where is it? And I was like god you're looking I Was like what are you talking about? And he said the game where shapes fall into other shapes and I was like, oh doc You're talking about Tetris and I also have that but you don't know what words are so you out of my house Tourette's I never thought about the fact that those yeah, you know what that does sound pretty similar. Yeah not gonna lie
now all we have to do is hope that some attention seeking youtuber doesn't suddenly say they have TS.
Oml I love Sweet Anita! She’s a Twitch streamer with Tourette’s and Severe Coprolalia/Copropraxia and shes really inspirational and a great person, and has helped me out with making myself more comfortable with my TS
That was great!
Cool! I found out about this guy from this post. I'm surprised he'd be this quick! And Anita is there!
HE FINALLY DID IT AHHHH
Does he have Tourette's?