All right, we're checking out the only game where inanimate objects wake
up and choose violence, it's Skate 3. I have found what is absolutely
the most insane glitch-worthy stuff in this game,
it is inanimate objects groin smash. That worked out way better than I thought
it would. [chuckles] So something I realized, uh, is that the things in this game
that aren't supposed to move, you can make do incredible things. Welcome to this beautiful plaza
where I have placed the shopping cart. Now while this may look
like a completely normal shopping cart, it is in fact a tool of the devil. Now until I get this right
it's just gonna look like I'm getting into a fight with this thing. Okay, see we're getting there. You can see that my shoulder blade was already trying to strangle me to death. If I do this correctly, I'm pretty sure that the shopping
cart will turn into a black hole and suck my soul out of my body. All right, so what you gotta
do is jump, let go, grab the shop-- Did I just kill a man? I'm pretty sure I just killed a man. I mean my-my spine
is also hanging out of my back. Hold on. Okay, we need to, uh, we need to rewind this because I think that I got launched
it like, yeah, right there. Right behind me
is a dead human being. [laughs] God I love shopping carts. All right. So, what you do is you leave your skateboard, you go to grab the shopping cart, of course, the game hates physics in every
way possible, and right there, you can see my spine go inside of the child safety area of the shopping cart. Now my head wraps around my body
eight or nine times and then this man gets hurricane
kicked right in the chiclets. I am pretty sure he is dead or has brain
damage. [crowd cheers] All right, and then we continue
to spin and of course, as usual, I end up inside of some shrubbery. [chuckles] Now, ugh, real quick. I had to zoom in a little bit. Hold on, let me-let me-right there. I want you to see what happens
the second that the shopping cart decides that it wants
to try and murder me. Now right about here you can see
I'm doing a handstand. It's like a one-handed
handstand because my physics teacher over here is incredibly agile. And right here we grab the shopping cart and in just a second you should watch as both of my arms are ripped from my body. There goes the shopping cart into the wall. [chuckles] There goes that man getting knocked
off his skateboard at Mach 10. [laughs] [music] I have to mention too,
this is like a small glitch. It's going to get a lot worse and eventually, I want to reach the under realms. The under realms, in case you're wondering, is the low box inside of this game
is actually worse than the skybox. It's like a human blender down there. I'm serious. Oh, how did I crack my skull? Shopping cart I love you. Ah, what, my shopping cart. [laughs] I'm not giving up until I get a better glitch. Come on baby. Not yet, and now. [vehicle screeches] Wo-wo-woah-woah-woah. [laughs] Hoy, it's a new wrecker. [laughs] I love how my guy still manages
to flop at least one more time. "Yay, [applause] I broke the sound
barrier using a shopping cart. My skill set is absolutely pointless, yay." [chuckles] Now, if you look closely you'll actually see the very moment that our hero here decides
he wants to be an astronaut, and then immediately, gives up that dream in order to become a human torpedo. [laughs] Okay, so our next thing here
is going to be this rail. Now normally, ob-obviously,
you would grind on the rail, but that's not what we'll be doing. We're going to use this rail in order to launch ourselves into the stratosphere, and probably have our skin removed from our body
because that is what the rails do. Now what you have to do is you gotta go, switch, and then, ugh, you gotta bail and you need to have your hands touch
the rail while you're still moving. Switch, jump-- Okay, that was an actual grind. Okay, go, switch, and let go, grab the ra-- Ah, there it is. [chuckles] Okay, so that was like a minor success. The real horror here is when you zoom in and look at what happens to a human being when they interact with the rail. Okay, hold on. [chuckles] Now, do you see that his head
was inside of his abdomen? Well, now his head's doing
360-degree turns but-- Yeah, there we go-there we go, right there. Look at it. [laughs] Uh, it's like, "Give me an A." [chuckles] I'm basically a human owl. Okay, I can swivel my head 360 degrees. Oh, apparently, I can also swivel
my back 360 degrees. I'm like a-I'm like an accordion. Why am I slowly getting more
and more bystanders while I do this? You guys have to watch me while I-- You know what? Keep watching me. You guys are good luck. [chuckles] See, normal human being, demonic human being. God, it's like one of The Conjuring movies. "I left my spinal column at home." I feel like my guy is part squid. I don't even know where my head is. I literally don't know where it is right now. I mean, there it is but before that,
I'm pretty sure it was-- Oh, my foot. I'm pooping my own foot out. Fantastic. This game can produce some of, uh, the most cursed images that a human being-- [laughs] Look at that. [laughs] [music] God, oh, no. First name, Stanley, last name, Picasso. My helmet is coming out of my rectum. God, even my toes are broken. Look at-look at my-look at my shoe. It's doing like a full 360 twist. Yeah, a great shot of my underwear from here. You can actually see that guy
in the green, in the background, holding his skateboard. He's like, "I gotta pick a different hobby." Okay, so you may remember the super dude. You can use it to go up into the sky, but you can also use
it to go into the underworld. Now, if I can get it, I will go
through the ground and, like I said, it is just a mess of human
blenders beneath the topsoil here. Gotta wait, and now, there it is. There it is. Okay, hold on. We can get it better. There we go. I told you. [laughs] I told you. [coughs] [laughs] I-is it-is it-is it done? [laughs] Oh, God. No, it's not done yet. Okay. I think it is finally done. Oh, yeah. Oh, I got the hang of this now. Come on baby. Oh, what. Uh, did the--What? My points went backward. Did you see it? My points-my points went backward again. What have I done? I mean, I've gone to space, but I think I've made the points
divide by zero or something. It went from 15,000 down to 5,000,
then back up to like 12,000, and down to 7,000,
and now we're just stuck. [chuckles] I thought the game had crashed for a second. [laughs] My timing is on. Whoa-whoa, I got shot out. I left, I, I actually left satan's home. Yay. I escaped. [laughs] 111,000 points. We are, we're going forward at this point. There's like water down here. I'm in the sunken place. I'm pretty sure that my skin
just got removed from my body. All I saw was my pelvis
and one leg for a moment. [laughs] The blender down here is so good. There's another thing
though after this that's -. You'll see. All right, I just want one
more that's that's even better. Hold on. Diddly dee, satan loves me. Come on. Now, I don't want to get all
the way down to the water. I need to sit in out. Phew. All right, well, I need
to not fail immediately. I need to get down in between the ground,
and where the water starts. Here? No. I'm serious. when you-- When I get the glitch,
the full way that I want, you'll understand what I meant when I said, we're gonna go to the underworld. The power of satan. Oh, oh, there we go. Ah, satan. Yes, my skin has been removed from my body. Come on, I wanna go all the way to the-- [music] Thi-this is it. This is it, 15,000. Look at the number. [laughs] All right, ready, ready? Believe this, times two, times three,
times four, times five, times six, [laughs] yes, I've gone to the core of the earth. I've brought a skateboard
to the core of the earth. [laughs] You don't just have to go down either. You can also-- Aargh, come on. There we go. Launch yourself to the sky. [laughs] "Bye, memorial park. [laughs] I've decided
I wanted to go live on Uranus. I get a sunburn up here. I'm getting so close to the sun. [chuckles] So, uh, yeah, while we're dealing
with basically every inanimate object, I mean, it's kind of animate,
but- or I could totally miss. You can actually glitch off of human beings. All you have to do is hire
a guy to take pictures of you, and if you time it just right,
you can ruin both his and your life. I mean, or I could just break my knees up. [chuckles] "Don't mind me." Hold on. Ah, yes, when you don't have a pool,
just go swimming in the concrete. It's about as a Florida man,
as a Florida man can get at this point. And speaking of Florida
man, if you wanna be one, we actually have our own coffee brand now. It's literally called Florida Man coffee. We crush our beans Florida man's style. Totally legitimate review from Richard Nixon. I mean, realistically, everyone needs a little Florida
man in them at some point. It's over at floridamancoffeeco.com
and if YouTube doesn't screw me over, it may also be underneath the video. Come on baby. Just one time, do it. [laughs] I do 185 miles an hour, [laughs] so, uh, hold on. I never thought I would reach like my fastest speed ricocheting off a human being. [chuckles] What has happened here? What sort of Gumby-level
possession is occurring? Yes, right here, uh, you can see I've been
possessed by Stretch Armstrong. I even have, uh, my arm
growing out of my esophagus. Notice here some fantastic break
dancing maneuvers right there. The lovely fold, the laundry
yoga style maneuver. There we are, and to think all
this started from abusing one camera guy. Okay, so there's one more incredible
inanimate object I wanna show you. Now you may be saying to yourself, "Great. Why are you hugging a park
bench underneath a bridge?" So hold on. What you do, you grab it, and then-- [laughs] and you know, you-you
get incredible road rash. Now, that's just the beginning
because you can make this thing explode
you in the most evil of ways. Come on bench. It's just you and me. We need it. We need to be really close friends. Oh, man, you're landscaping,
it's beautiful over here. All right, baby, let me have this. You're not calling an ambulance. I'm gonna be injuring
myself pretty much all day. Although I guess, I'll keep the EMTs have-- Oh, woah-woah-woah. [laughs] Yes, ugh, oh, I love it, ugh. Okay, so now we, now I get
to show you the evil. Are you ready? Okay. Now you can see the leg starting
to, you know, convulse wildly, and right there, I ride
along the underside of the bridge. My pelvis stabbing me in the heart
while I attempt to eat my own shoulder. And then you go through the low box,
get vomited out of the ground, and head into the skybox. Low box, see, right here. [chuckles] No skin either. It's just bones at this point. [laughs] and then you get vomited
out into the skybox, right there. I don't even, uh-- My, like, my bones are all just
one congealed solid object now. I don't even know where something
like my right arm or my spine or anything begins and where it ends. This is one-tenth speed
by the way, right here. Everyone who sees this, everyone who caught a glimpse
of this trauma is going to have to go to therapy for the rest of their lives. Well, today I learned
that if you want to experience the most violence inside of Skate 3, you just have to abuse inanimate
objects until they attempt to kill you. Anyway, folks hope you enjoyed
this episode of Skate 3. Till next time. [laughs] Stay foxy. Much love.
