How Women Rate Your Value On A Weak Approach

right he's indicating I'm not the guy who's afraid to show interest I don't make apologies from my desires as a man I'm okay with my desires as a man and that is attractive that is attractive to a point to a point so take a girl that's like standards aren't very high or doesn't get hit on a lot or a guy that just finds this guy inherently attractive from the first moment she may love it that the guy showed interest and that may come off as very attractive she may even consider oh he's so confident he's so confident he doesn't show it hide his interest that sort of a thing so to a point it is attractive however to the point that we just discussed with the whole job interview metaphor and all that kind of stuff it's also unattractive because you're giving your power away right and so this is almost the definition of a leveling behavior all right I'll talk to you guys really quickly as a little sass a side note say what leveling is but it's almost the definition of a leveling behavior it's indicating that you as a man are at a certain place on the value hierarchy you're not so lowdown that that you're totally afraid to show intent you're not a guy who never gets laid or a guy who's like scared of sex right which already is putting you probably in the top you know half of guys or beyond right so it is showing some some attractive qualities all right and if you do that you are setting yourself apart from you know this sea of chose that can't even show any interest so maybe that behavior let's say that the high I think you're cute maybe that behavior is leveling you as a man at about a seven seven and a half right maybe even an eight all right it's not so bad it's not bad at all some girls may even be really flattered by it and may even compliment you on it I think that was so there's so I love the fact that you just came up and told me you liked me that was so brave that was so cool all right so let's say it's leveling you at an eight girls that are like a seven seven and a half six and a half they are gonna [ __ ] love you for that they're gonna be all over you for that because you just said hey I'm an eight and they're like oh this guy is higher value than me but within a range of value that I can kind of trust automatically I love that he's right in my wheelhouse he's exactly the type of guy I'm looking for and they're gonna love it they're gonna be attracted to for it however take a girl who's a nine and you walk up to your and the first words out your mouth like hello I'm an eight like that's excellent I'm happy a wonderful day I hope things work out well for you right and you're gonna get just total blase probably just not even any reaction whatsoever like she'll be pleasant should they go that's very sweet thank you I'm flattered I have a boyfriend I think I'm very slow I'm gonna hurry but thank you embrace it thank you so much you're very sweet good thank you for trying I appreciate the confidence all right you're gonna get that kind of like very condescending dismissive I appreciate it but kind of an answer right because fundamentally you've just said I'm interested and I'm unaware unworthy of you in the same sentence okay so that's the issue with this type of behavior and it will work to a point and it will stop working a point and that's what's so confusing and frustrating about game and these leveling behaviors is the very same thing that started out working for you and the very same thing that got you to a certain level fundamentally is keeping you at that level alright and you have to you're gonna have to unlearn it and you're going to realize what it is you just and so literally you haven't established relevance right you have an established relevance okay so what is premise premise is what type of interaction it is it's the the context of the interaction it's not the content of the interaction okay so the context is I'm interested but the content is maybe I'm disinterested where I'm marginally interested or I'm not sure okay but it is this type of interaction and so that's the sort of like subtlety of game that rips guys up and keeps them at this like intermediate level is that they learn they learn they need to show intent because if they don't show intent they don't get anywhere and the way they learn to show intent is the simplest possible way the crutch which is hey I like you hey you're cute hey I'm whatever or just get very physical that's another form of it right is getting here's another question is getting physical attractive yes and no for the exact same reason right if you are scared to get physical that's massively unattractive if you're willing to get physical that's attractive it shows some balls right even beyond that if you want to go to a higher level if you are willing to get attractive and you're sorry it will they get physical and you're good at getting physical that's even more attractive so let's say that not being able to be physical levels you at like a five alright five or below alright probably not getting very many girls at all getting physical maybe you in the six to seven and a half range you're willing to get physical right then the next level up is you're willing to get physical and you're actually pretty good at it like you're a little bit smooth about your escalation and actually that kind of feels good too they grow a little bit that's when you're at that like seven and a half to like eight and a half range right but even there and I talk to you about this a little bit where I said you're like being a little too obvious right even there at that nine and ten range it's just obvious to them and even if it feels good it feels good physically maybe but emotionally it's not validating for them because they know you can have they know they can have you and is not a win right the girl wants having sex with you to be a win girl once going on a date with you to be a win girl wants bragging to her friends about you to be a win right and so when you're too obvious when they've already won there's nothing left to win so there's no reason to have sex with you no reason to go on a date with you no reason to pursue it okay this is a fundamental difference okay and so that's where all these kind of like gamey tactics kind of come in that's where things like push-pull come in so the real question the fundamental question you have here is how do i establish a premise without giving my value away and that's the like that's the high level question all right the low level question is how do I just have the balls to show intent right and once if you are for anybody who you're who is scared of just telling a girl she like that you like her just do it right just tell her you like her that's a good start once you're emotionally okay with that though let's get a little more sophisticated let's get a little more subtle alright and that's when you're gonna sort out power in a game so things like again push pulls I like you but I'm not so sure much stronger than I like you no matter what right or even things like disqualifiers because here's a crazy thing disqualifying a girl also establishes a premise do you understand that if you're saying you and I would not get along you're establishing a premise because of the assumption underlying the assumption that whether you and she get along matters or when a girl says to you I'm not gonna have sex with you tonight all right she's establishing a sexual premise even if she's saying at the negative because the very fact that she's saying it means it's on her mind right but in terms of keeping your power how much more powerful is it to say I'm not sure if we're gonna get along versus I love you unconditionally so that's what we're kind of gonna try and do here is is to come up with more subtle ways of of establishing a premise and there are tons of little set there they go from like the very obvious I want to [ __ ] you is like the most I want establish it's like the most establishing a premise and most obvious to I like you but I'm not so sure is a little more subtle to something that's pure negative we're excuse me we're not gonna get along that's more subtle then there's really really subtle ones for example hi I'm Todd nice to meet you that's a very subtle form of establishing a premise right because if we're just two strangers talking casually why do we care about meeting each other why is my name an important factor right so even in a subtle way not that not that it's even like the best one to use but in terms of subtlety it's a very very small way of establishing a premise okay here's a really really interesting one let's say what kind of music you into I don't like rock matte how that country that's what I'm into not actually but anyway but the point is that I disagreed with you disagreeing with you actually establishes a premise in a very small way because I cared enough to disagree with you I didn't just go along with you right and so there's all these little tiny subtle things you can be doing to establish your premise no at some point the premise should be pretty overt at some point in the interaction the premise it should be pretty obvious that you're having an interaction where it is man to woman and it's pretty obvious that you are evaluating whether you're gonna maybe have sex with her or take her home with her or take her on a date but in getting there there's nothing wrong with starting with these extremely very subtle ones like disagreeing a little bit like introducing yourself like a little tiny just qualifier those kind of things the problem is that most guys when they do this rapport comfort phase what happens is they kill all the tension right they make it very obvious that they like the girl a lot and the girl likes them a lot and it just becomes way too comfortable and you don't want it to be that comfortable you want that little bit of tension and discomfort throughout right and people think of comfort in the wrong way people think of comfort as having a commonality with the girl or you know just you know spending time and sharing vulnerability with a girl and that kind of stuff here's the actual comfort you want you want the girl to be comfortable that when she goes and becomes your girlfriend or have sex with you or whatever that it's a win for her rather than a loss that's the comfort you want you don't want her to feel comfortable that she will always feel good around you right if you guys if you someone who's the hottest girl in the world for you someone shout out a name hottest girl in the world Jennifer Lawrence okay cool so okay we're in that we're in we're in this room here and for you so you say Selena Gomez or something like that right so okay so we're here all of a sudden Selena Gomez and Jennifer Lawrence walk into this room and they're standing here in front of you guys how do you guys feel in that moment Courtney does anybody feel nervous yeah all right you guys feel a little nervous right that's how girls should feel around you okay they should feel a little nervous if they get too comfortable that's a problem okay now you don't want them to feel like they're in physical danger and you do want them to trust you right because that's part of feeling like that going home with you won't be a loss either and they shouldn't feel like if they go home with you they're gonna be mistreated or like abused or ignored or whatever right they need to have a level a certain level of trust but the fundamental thing comfort wise that they need is they need to be comfortable they're making a good decision not that they need to have make a decision that's going to lead them to feel comfortable the whole time do you see that distinction all right a little bit of discomfort a little bit of tension is a good thing if the tension goes away entirely that's when you get girls that you get them home and they're like you know what let's just go on a date instead and quite frankly that's when you get like LMR to because they liked you but then they aren't motivated enough to make a strong decision in your favor and so you become the pushy one again okay so getting too comfortable is a problem right so I agree with this report stuff I agree with building commonality and there is value to all of it and we can talk about that as we go through the program but just do know that comfort per se in the sense of making her feel relaxed and comfortable is not something you necessarily want all the way so a lot of people when you talk about breaking rapport there's a very big difference between breaking rapport and being offensive or breaking rapport worse yet breaking rapport and being insulting I am I don't want to you don't say never very often I'm as close to never as I can think of insulting and said I'm not insulting now I say some like said that could be offensive sometimes I say some polarizing stuff for sure but I'm actually not insulting I would never say to a girl like your nose is ugly yeah right things like that would never come out of my mouth right I might say you've a very interesting look and mean it might imply that you're not the most attractive or something like that but if I were ever called out on anything I say like I could always defend it all right so if I say you have very interesting looks like that's insulting but no actually but that does it okay fine you of a boring look I take it back all right so you can you can always kind of whatever or like if I say you know you're actually not so bad after all right wait that's offensive you thought I would make a bad air pickup impression or you thought I'd be not cool or whatever no no actually you know just most people disappoint me you've actually you've done you know done better than average so far right so anything that I say as much as it may have that effect of giving her that like a little kick in the stomach socially it's never actually offensive it's always defensible okay and I think that's very important for two reasons one because you can always say I'm sorry you can always explain it away that's me so you can always explain it away you can always figure it out that way but also it works better the more subtle it is the better it works right so I'll just give you a general idea which is levels of the same that's it take that like most classic lining game ever you and I would not get along right so here's a not subtle at all and like very polarizing and also not subtle you and I would not get along right so it's a very much I made the entire conversation about that one thing right and then I delivered it and there was nothing after it and then I like pause to make sure it got a reaction right that's the ultimate not subtle right here's a very subtle you ought love about this guys look over here is like he's like just like very chill very relaxed his legs to see you know what you and I are not gonna get along but see him over here he's like just there's something about him just looks like rich and posh it's very nice okay you see the difference there it's it's such a non-event it's still you for you yeah for you you're still gonna notice it but it seems like I didn't I wasn't trying to get reaction anything I do trying to get a reaction automatically you're gonna try and resist giving me a reaction on it but something that seems like I just threw it off as this nonchalant unintentional thing it's actually gonna get a bigger reaction also by the time you react to it I'm three seconds into the next conversational thread so if you do react to it in a negative way you're really tryharding big wait wait go back what was that thing you said about me but it's so very clearly reactive right and so the subtlety of the delivery and also the fact that it wasn't made the forefront of the conversation makes it so so so much more powerful and that's the big thing with like back in the day like negs and all this kind of stuff everybody delivers them wrong i realism so badly all right they're like like the I mean I can just think of a million of them but like like done it out of that you blink a lot all right no there's like talk talk blink a lot anyway and you drop your phone a lot but anyway back on topic etc etc all right so it the more nonchalant it is the more it's just an offhanded thing the more effective it is and also the less leveling it is because if you look like you're trying to get a reaction if you look like you have an outcome that's needy and that's low value all right so all these things that you're doing that have a very clear outcome to them they are done for a very clear reason and intention should look casual and accidental and the more that you can just be casual accidental blase and you convey yourself the more high-value and powerful you're gonna be there all of its there all of it so if I disqualify you so if I said you and I are not gonna do and I know you and I are not gonna get along are you and I are not gonna make the sex tonight or don't get any ideas all those things imply a relationship between us don't get any ideas means that you would have that it would make sense for your good ideas which implies a relationship right you and I are not going to get along implies that you would care whether we get along right we're not gonna make the sex tonight implies you're thinking about sex so even though in that they're in the negative they are establishing that premise of relationship right so that's partly in the premise that said they can also be in qualification too because part of qualifying is disqualifying you don't want to be this guy that's like this is the other problem with like old-school structured game right it was like attraction and then comfort and this is like strong divide between the two so it's like I'm establishing value value value value now I'm giving it all back giving it all back the problem there is number one it's massively in congruence all right and this high-value unattainable guy and then all of a sudden I'm like this little [ __ ] that like will do anything for you it's very weird right now ideally maybe you're trying to give it back a little by little by little but even then you have a problem which is what if you go too far what if you give just a little bit too much back and now you're lower value than her and now you're like no no wait I'm high value again and you start being a dick again now it's just become very clear what you're doing it's become very clear that you're manipulative right so what you want to be doing throughout is this not this this like high value and no comfort or no connection no trust whatever word you want to use for it and then all of a sudden all this like sappy crunchy politically correct you know nice [ __ ] it's plain my opinion of being nice apparently and then and no being a [ __ ] or no having any value or standards what it is basically is you always you're always a nice person and you're always a person with standards but at the start you're really establishing the standards and really letting them know about the standards later on you're let them in on your nice side but you just do subtly keep communicating you have standards you never drop that right so maybe you are 80% just being nice then because you agreed you like each other but every now and again you're given this little reminder so maybe you're in quote-unquote comfort with a girl right and you're having this nice little connecti conversation and the girl says something you really don't like and the part of you that's thinking oh this is the comfort part of game and I need to be nice just lets it slide that's not what you should do you should be like actually I'm really actually kind of turned off that you just said that sorry like I'm gonna try and ignore it because I'm actually really enjoying this conversation so I'm just gonna pretend you didn't but like just just take that back just like it'll be better like just please just unsay that right like you do want to still give them that little that little push away you do still kind of want to let them know right in fact there are some things that sometimes I can be one of the most powerful things you'll do in a set so you have a girl that's kind of on the fence she's like she really likes you she might sleep with you she might not and then you basically dismiss her right at some point or even you're at you're in comfort things are going really well and you just look in a big yeah I don't know like I really I really like you but just I'm just feeling something off I'm sorry let's just finish this drink and then we can I don't know we'll figure it out right just out of nowhere you just say that to a girl imagine the effect like imagine like imagine if a girl did that to you you've been hanging out with this girl for like three hours in the club it's going so well you feel like you really have a connection with her and she's so hot and you're like for sure it's happening and then that well how would you react to that how would you feel at that moment right how much more would you chase her after that moment than you were before all right girls are gonna react the same way but like five times as much so you're not saying you don't like her at all you're just saying you're not sure anymore or that like you liked her a lot and now it's kind of like she kind of ruined it a little bit all right does that make sense but you're not insulting her you're not saying she's trash you're not saying I'm no longer attracted to you right in fact with was with attractive girls I'm very open with the fact that they're attractive I don't care I don't say oh you're so hot like I'm overwhelmed by it but all the knowledge I get like for example like you're a cute girl but that's it at the top or like maybe I'll say like I don't want us to make the sex tonight it's about that little spill that I do which I'll tell you guys later not that you're not attractive like you're very like I'm I'm sure that maybe you're a starfish in bed but probably this X would be quite good you know those I'm just not ready necessarily so I'm never completely eliminating it I'm never saying like sex is completely off the table because remember what's the second stage establish your premise once you've established the premise you don't want to just obliterate the premise later you want to keep the premise but think of it the job interview right you're going through the job interview you're kind of like asking buying questions letting her know maybe she's getting the job and maybe she answers a question wrong and all of a sudden she feels like oh [ __ ] she just lost the job right doesn't mean it doesn't mean you can't still hire her it's just like you've been given pause I mean if you want to get into it you can argue but don't worry about it just like just do you honestly like if we like each other for who we are that's great if we don't then you know I wouldn't want you to I wouldn't want to like you for someone you're not so just just be you and we'll see doesn't make sense okay it's very confusing curve but but that kind of thing or if she really did something that you really don't want her to do in future you actually could tell her you beg listen it's just a particular thing with me but I really don't like it when people do this particular thing so I just just kind of turned me off but it's not a big deal and the way the reason you would do that isn't even necessary for a game reason it's more for a relationship reason which is that from the very beginning of game from the beginning of meeting her you're not only picking her up you're also training her to be the type of girlfriend you want sure indicating to her what you're into what you like and how she can please you so if he does something that actually you know makes makes the experience less good for you or indicates or moves towards a type of relationship you don't want that's when you actually should not only say that thing as a disqualifier but actually mean it and actually be willing to explain it right because then you're telling her you know how to be so for example certain girls let's say a certain girl was raised very like prim and proper but she's very capable of being sexually open right now when she meets you as a guy and she decides you're high value and wants to impress you she may try and impress you by being what her parents told her to be which is prim and proper or she may trying to impress you by being adventurous but if she doesn't know what type of guy you are she doesn't know which role to play so say she like plays the prim and proper role and that's not what you like you might actually tell her you might disqualify her on that and it's not to like game your disqualifier a real actual disqualifier right that you know what that's like I don't you seem so adventurous before and I really like that that was honestly what just I was a little prudish um I mean I still like you but there's kind of a turn-off to be honest right you just tell her that like flat-out tell her right and one it's great in games is a disqualifier but - you were telling her you don't want a prudish girlfriend right you're letting her know how to impress you and if she's smart and if she likes you she will start acting the other way right because she's capable of both she has both personalities inside of her but with one boyfriend she'll act one way with another boyfriend she'll act the other way because he's indicated this is how you impressed me this is how you create the relationship that we have together a relationship is history and narrative [Music]

Channel: AskToddV

Views: 138,781

Keywords: value, intent, premise, comfort, honest, genuine, connection, love, technique, technical, neg, dating, women, sex, girls, dat, woman, girl, leveling, rate, rating, level

Id: jcOKhgCByLk

Length: 24min 24sec (1464 seconds)

Published: Thu Sep 19 2019