How To Never Run Out Of Things To Say - Verbal Game, Storytelling And Flirting

[Applause] yeah awesome so this is something that I really love talking about in general not just even in the scope of game but just in the scope of life right I love I love words I love talking and I want to teach you guys how to use words in game how to be more charismatic and then hopefully like my little side go from this I hope every one of you loves language just a little bit more at the end of this to write so that's kind of what I want to do with you guys so close this talk number one first of all charisma and communication it does start with an attitude I'm gonna teach you lots of skills but the attitude the desire to communicate in the right way the desire to be charismatic to captivate matters as much as the skill and without the desire the skill will never manifest and I'm gonna teach you general communication and general like how to convey you for probably the first half of this and then the second half we're gonna deal directly with flirtation okay so first half will be applicable to everyone the last half will be more applicable specifically to girls although interestingly enough although you call it flirtation there is a lot of like kidding and banter that still exists between men as well it does mean you have to have you know sex with each other but you can you can still banter you can still like kind of flirt almost with men you can still have that word play and then obviously we'll talk a little bit in general okay so the first thing is attitude and philosophy and like I said that's the basis for everything so the first thing and this is a quote from a book called making people talk and I'm home on a personal mission to make that book like cost like $1,000 a coffee so has an inside joke for some people it's a book on conversation it's i recommending when it was like cost like ten dollars a copy and it's out of print so now it's like this like crazy ridiculous expensive book but anyway one of this guy's principles for how to talk is this it's assuming the burden and what it means basically if you start a conversation with people you need to carry that conversation you went in it you decided to talk and it's not their job to talk to you it's your job to talk to them at least for the first little bit right in game you may have heard something called the 90/10 rouhani people have heard of that 90/10 rule all right what does it mean it means you are talking 90% she's talking 10% that's actually not the ideal scenario for a game you don't want to be talking 90% the whole time but you need to be willing to talk that 90% if she's not willing yet you need to be willing to assume that effort and so a lot of being good at conversation is actually just energy and will right I have this metaphor I call it the starting the lawnmower metaphor how many you guys had to mow the lawn as kids yeah I had to I was like out in Colorado with his big yard I had to mow it and when you mow the lawn you have to start the mower right now this like old like gasp mower with a choke right so you pull the little choke and then you remember and then dies you pulling a rubber and then it dies right and then I'm like the fourth or fifth pull of fundly like the engine goes and you can mow the lawn conversations kind of the same way right no matter how well you do it it's not guaranteed that the first thing you do is going to work you may go say hey what's up some little funny quip and she responds a little bit and the conversation goes dead and at that moment you have a choice right and most guys I see talking to girls or just starting to start a conversation with anybody their choice is to give up there I go I try it alright that's it bye alright no try again try something a little different it's not like the lawn Morris vote fault it's not warmed up yet it's not the girl's fault that she can't think of something to talk to you about yet okay think of it this way all you guys that have you know you go up and talk to go and you run out of things to say or you don't know what to say the girls thinking the exact same thing except for her it's even worse because she has to not be socially awkward and not be a [ __ ] right as a guy if you show us up in ten at least you know you're just being a man right but she has to have that as well so sometimes they need a little time to warm into the conversation all right so a lot of being good at conversation is just deciding to make the conversation happen all right in fact if I could give you one piece of advice right just one even with no skill decide to make the conversation happen decide that when it gets a little awkward and say being like gosh I give up you're gonna push through for another 20 seconds right that alone will make you much much much better game and much better at making friends having conversation in general okay so in the short term it's just pure energy and will in the moment in the long term there is a little more to it which is learning the skills right learning conversational material if you said something that worked before using again learning the patterns of what works and learning proper delivery alright so in the long term it's cuz it's kind of the same as with anything I use a lot of sports metaphors I'm gonna use one right now which is in sports you have this people that show up on game day and that's important right those are those people doing this short-term energy and will they're just kind of bringing the conversation and that's useful and that's important right but the people that are really great they don't just come on game day they come on practice day and they develop the skills so that they have more in their arsenal come game day right and so assuming the burden there's assuming the burden right when you meet that girl and then there's doing your homework and planning ahead so you have something to say in advance we're going to talk about both of those okay proactivity of frame you guys may have heard the idea of outcome independence you guys heard this this concept outcome independence yeah I don't like that concept not a big fan of it because I don't think it's really possible right if you are truly independent of outcome you wouldn't approach the girl in the first place you wouldn't go start a conversation with someone in the first place say if you're doing like conversation for sales you wouldn't make that sales call in the first place obviously you have an outcome right without an outcome you just you know sit and like eat potato chips on your couch or some [ __ ] right so you need to have a desire for an outcome and the desire for the outcome is going to what is what's going to move the conversation in the right direction a lot of guys talking to girls for specifically they have what I call the half hour conversation to know where right talk and talk and talk about this random thing this random thing this random thing they come back to me if it's my student you know 20 minutes in I'm like would you talk about they tell me some stuff I'm like does she know you have a penis like well I don't know probably not right they didn't get to the point and what happens when you don't get to the point the girl gets bored the girl gets bored the girl thinks you're wasting her time right one of the things as a good example imagine a sales situation cuz a lot of game is sales right game is you're selling yourself imagine if you went on a car lot to go buy a car and the car salesman refused to talk to you about cars right talk to you about like your family and your hobbies and what your favorite color is and what you did last weekend's 20 minutes in he hasn't said the word car what the [ __ ] are you thinking you're like you're wasting my time you'd probably leave right he's out come independent or at least you know not acting through an outcome and what's the point there is no point right so if there isn't a point it's pointless nobody wants to be in a pointless conversation okay so outcome is important but the key thing is to have a good outcome to have a we an outcome so if your outcome for a girl for example is I want to [ __ ] you and like not even get to know you and make it a terrible experience for you yeah that's an outcome she's not gonna be on board with but if it's you know I want to meet you and have a great time with you and get to know each other and teach you things and travel places and you know have great sex that's an outcome she can get on board with okay so you need an outcome you just have to have the right outcome right outcome independence I'm not a big big fan of and there must be a frame to the conversation random conversation will lead to random results which means poor results one of the things that I did personally almost before I was learning game but when I was starting to realize girls existed now starting to really decide to be social even before I formally found game I did two things that were massively helpful and encourage you guys to do something similar first thing I did was I made I had this this notebook I remember it to this day it says little red and black like Mead notebook and what I did is every single time there was a phrase that I liked or a quote that I liked or a joke that I liked well there's reading or I heard it on TV I heard it in a movie I wrote it down in this book right and that became my material right that became my my way of expressing myself and to this day I can still remember like phrases from that journal right - this is like [ __ ] how many years later this is 19 years later I can still remember certain phrase I can't remember the whole journal obviously but I can still remember something that stuck with me and not to say that everything in that journal was like brilliant alright someone was just little silly stuff right like I read I read in a book somewhere they said like making love to this girl no no making love with her it's a collaborative effort right it's just a silly little phrase but it's useful you say that to a girl I want to make love to you actually know what I want to make love with you this house there has to be a participation it has to be a joint effort otherwise it's not gonna be fun for me right that frame is useful it is valuable right or there's a in that there was a Mark Twain quote in there just random or Mark Twain quote said the difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug right now maybe you appreciate that quote maybe you don't but it's certainly more eloquence to say it that way then as they say like I think words matter right so whatever resonates with you you're gonna have your own style you'll have your own sense of humor things that I think are really good verbally you may not agree with things that you think are good verbally I may not agree with but the point is find your mode of communication and do it to the utmost and it's going to make a massive difference for you okay the other thing I did besides the personal wit journal is I actively studied stand-up comedy right there was a period of time where every single Comedy Central special and every single comedian that was on HBO I watched it religiously right probably from like 1997-98 to about 2008 that came out during that period right not anymore like I don't even know hardly any comedians now which I should be a more on top of it but during that period when I was most actively studying game and most actively working on my verbals I was watching stand-up comedy all the time and I was taking notes on it right if there again if there was a joke that I really liked it might go in that wit Journal right or what I would sometimes do is I'd actually record the format of the joke all right there's one I remember in particular and again whatever jokes or whatever material that I tell you or use or lines that I used during this speech you may or may not even like them and that actually doesn't matter it doesn't even matter if you have the same sense of humor as me doesn't matter if you like the joke or even find it funny the point is the principle that you want to find your own humor and you want to use it right so what I'm thinking of um that I actually used a lot in the format there was a Howie Mandel joke where he basically said you know I went to I went to see a world and you know I took my family because you know if you take somebody else's family they just don't treat you the same right and that was his joke right it's not like the most like crazy joke but it was that interesting little twist right using because an interesting way and for you know the next year or two I would do little things like that I'd be talking and I just happen to have like a little twist where I'd say because some weird unexpected thing and everything I've missed every single time I did that did like people laugh uproariously know but did it make my conversation a little bit better yes right it made it a little more creative a little more interesting than just this bland conversation let's talk about storyteller and with respect to storytelling there are very few things you can do in game and in communication that are more you and storytelling and the reason is it's one of the very few things that builds value and comfort at the same time right how many you guys have heard the theory of value and comfort you familiar with this some so the idea is in order to sleep with a girl you need a value plus comfort you need to show that you're a high value guy so she'll gain value by being around you or she could gain value from that you show comfort so she believes she can trust you and that like opening up so you won't be a loss for her right the problem is here's the paradox most things you do that build value destroy comfort being dismissive in a little oh I don't need you it's high value but she's like oh well I don't know if I'm comfortable with this or if you're like baby I love you I'd do anything for you builds a lot of comfort destroys value storytelling is beautiful because it does both at the same time at least good storytelling right it builds value because you're leading the conversation you're in control builds value because you can talk about positive traits positive experiences in your life builds comfort because you're letting the girl get to know you you're opening up you're letting her get a glimpse of you and also because it's just time elapses and you tell stories and spending time with someone builds comfort so storytelling is beautiful for both reasons for that reason storytelling in game is really really useful and it's something that isn't done enough nowadays right in 2002-2003 when I was first learning games these long routines long stories probably too much storytelling in game to be fair right but it did have this positive quality nowadays this all this like random all over the place stuff a few stories would go along with okay so what is a story what is a good story because most guys one of the reasons they don't tell stories is because they don't tell good stories right what is this story a story is not hey you know I had the you know I drove to work today and there was a lot of traffic that's not a story that's like a minor little anecdote all right you know you told a bad story if afterwards someone says what happened then right or if afterward after you tell a story I was like so what right that's when you told a bad story another story does not have to be that convoluted you can tell you can tell the story in like a sentence right I was walking to school a bear jumped out at me and I was terrified I ran away and I will never walk that way to school again that's the story technically right because it has three elements situation something happening interruptions something interrupts it and someone or something is changed by it right if you have those three things you have the kernel of a decent story right as guys however a lot of times we just communicate very logically or just communicating facts and that doesn't really kick in as stories right so I had a really rough day at work is not a story right or first I did this then I did this then I did this then I did this that I did this then I did this is not a story why isn't that last one the story what's missing there's no interruption right this is just series of events okay so you want to make sure that your stories have tension and have drama and it's very very important it may seem obvious to say this but I do have to say this because of every single like student I've ever had and I watch their stories right so very important and very very important to change if there's no change at the end then that's a so what story that's a who cares kind of story there's no depth to it okay now what how do you tell a story and specifically how do you tell a story in game and I'll kind of use like kind of the scripted routine version of a story for this so I'll tell you guys a story really quickly and then I'll tell you a very short version of the story and both kind of work all right that was this story haven't told a longtime here we go okay so we're on um me and my friend his name was woody actually we're we're in on was Sunset Boulevard Los Angeles we're driving by and he's like just gorgeous stunning girls like drive up next to us in like this like like like 57 Chevy seriously hot girls like classic car like just like a moment moment out of like a mini American dream alright and we're sitting there in our like little like drop table Jeep and as the girls pulled up to this light like you're two hot guys two hot girls we looked over we made eye contact and we're like we had a moment right I would kind of like we kind of giggled we didn't even really exchange words because the light changed we went on to the next light right then we got to the next light and you know we both ended up kind of arriving at about the same time and we kind of we giggle we just threw a couple words back and forth etc and they're like okay we got to go because the light changed again so we get to the third light and this time we actually got so the light ahead of them right we got there in that world that we're there and we're like waiting for them to like pull up to us and we're like over here we go we're gonna like we're gonna like actually close or do something this time right there girls are like rollin up giggling they look over and they actually got so distracted the girl that was driving didn't fully hit the brake and she actually like rear-ended the car in front of her and she was just like devastated she had her brilliant like nice little car and you know she [ __ ] just wrecked it and at that moment we were like we felt really bad for her but we felt bad for ourselves who couldn't close as well we have to imagine that moment from her imagine that moment from her perspective though right like is a guy if you're walking and you see a girl you walk into like a plate-glass window or whatever that's embarrassing but how do you explain that as a girl oh yeah there was this hot guy and I just crashed my car looking at him like that pug [ __ ] poor girl all right so that's kind of an expanded story right and that's the story that I've told and said your haven't told that for years but as a story I used to tell years ago in set now what's good about it there's a couple things one it conveys positive traits hot girls flirting with us right it's it's interesting it's a little bit comedic we'll talk later about the rule of three in comedy it did that we had three it's three different traffic lights right it's you're setting up a pattern then you're interrupting it there's a lot of good things going on there however let's say I wanted that story took I don't know a few minutes to tell right maybe like I don't know we will find out on the tape app those of you on the Internet can tell me how many minutes it was but a few minutes to tell you could tell that same story in just a few seconds if you had to and it would still have some impact right so you know I was you know on Sunset Boulevard in LA these girls pulled up just at this amazing nice car and at the first light we flirted a little bit then we got to the second light and like we wouldn't actually started talking with like oh [ __ ] things are going really well we got to the third light we got there just a little before them and then they rolled up in the girl because she was focused on us she forgot to hit the brake boom so now I told the exact same story right how much faster that's probably like one tenth the distance one tenth the amount of time to tell that story right so a good story can expand or contract to this situation allotted and a really good story if there's a lot to it you can have like get a little segways little takeaways if you watch it watch a good stand-up comic right they'll joke that's basically a simple joke right but along the way they'll do all this segue to this other story that's a go to this other joke and they'll keep coming back to it so the story can expand and contract to become you know it's almost like an accordion right it just expands out but fundamentally what it is is a set of bullet points there's a few fundamental events that need to happen to make this story exist right and so if you want to remember stories if you want to have good stories you'd have to remember the whole story just remember the bullet points right when I was doing like Cannes structured routines the reason I could learn them so so quickly and use them so well is that I didn't try and remember every single word I try and remember all the things I need to say I just remember this story is bullet point one two three that's a story very very easy to remember okay and then you can tell that same story in ten seconds or ten minutes all right and the secret to being verbally charismatic the biggest secret I can give you is the specifics okay if I said to you I ate a hamburger yesterday is that an interesting phrase are you like captivated by that in any way no some some people like yes Todd because it was you eating it now whatever all right so that's not very good I ate a hamburger xanax blah right how about I ate like the greasiest [ __ ] like insane like charbroiled like tenderized just almost like orgasm on a bun yesterday it was insane it was so [ __ ] delicious it was like the juices were dripping down my mouth and I like I couldn't couldn't I didn't want to stop and wipe it cuz it was so [ __ ] good right now regardless if that sounds like a pleasant hamburger experience to you or not is certainly more interesting than the first one right and what happened I added specifics zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance is insanely good book just in general it's sort of like I'm told I haven't read like the Tao Te Ching or whatever but I'm told us like basically the the that that sort of book the philosophy of that book and a lot of Buddhist philosophy Buddhist incise philosophy all kind of wrapped into one one book it's all about like what is quality what is good and what is bad in the world in any case so I highly recommend that book in general but there's one story from that book that's all about language that I love and is this there's a teacher in college and sciences students just as their like welcome back for summer like here's your you know what did I do with my summer project alright that that like writing assignment instead of that he just gives him a random assignment he says you know what you have to write a two-page paper about anything in the world anything's you know easy assignment right I just like gave him some [ __ ] assignment whatever now everybody came back the next week and people were massively frustrated they like didn't know what to write about they thought what they wrote sucked certain people didn't even turn it in even though it should be super super easy because they were like insecure about what they'd written and they thought it was just crap okay and so he thought to himself why did people have so much trouble with this as easy assignment two pages about anything like that's the easiest sign Minh write and so we started experimenting and so the next time he gave it he gave it more specifically he said I want you to write two pages about our town right and so now they knew what to write about and people could make the two pages they could write it he got a lot of like really lame kind of blah kind of papers but people could actually compete it complete it people knew what to do with it and people could could put some input into it alright and so then he's like well that was interesting let's make it more specific I want you to write a two page paper about this street that we're on that you see when you look out the window right and when he did that all of a sudden because they had that more specific even though they kind of had less scope they were more focused within that scope and it made what they came up with much much better almost like you know actually high quality right and so then he narrowed it even further to you know let's I want you to like start your story focusing on the top left brick of the building across from us right then by getting even that specific he got actually really really good papers back okay the point here is that there's sort of like breadth and depth you can talk about a lot of things very little or you can talk about a few things very deeply and the thing that makes a good story the thing that makes for good communication it has to have some depth to it which means you do have to get specific so again as guys we typically communicate very logically we typically communicate very much like here's a fact here's how you fix this engine here's how you do this thing here's what I want you to do but aside from just the functional specifics there aren't specifics there's not emotional specifics you're not putting yourself into it you're not going deep on it right so in telling a story is another tip in telling a story imagine yourself there right so you have your bullet points and then imagine yourself there imagine yourself experiencing it like you're telling a story and remember was it hot or cold that day right you're telling a story and remember like was the Sun in your eyes you're telling a story remember like what shirt you were wearing right now you may not mention it in the story but the more you're actually putting yourself in that experience the more real that story is going to become right and those little moments of realness are what are gonna really make it work all right so get specific and one of the best places for specifics is another thing another tip for becoming more expressive and more charismatic if you get a chance take comedy take stand-up comedy take improv comedy write an improv comedy is great how many people watch have watched improv coming in like the last year or so yeah some a little bit so there's something in improv I never really liked that much but it's it's useful for creating the scene which is like kind of pantomiming different things right so you have like some object you can't see and you're like playing with it and like doing whatever right when I learned that when it's like improv comedy class is really funny because instead of just like opening a refrigerator door right they told you imagine the right refrigerator imagine like do you have to like clutch the door in order to open it what color is the refrigerator right is it like against the wall er is there a counter here the more real you're making it as you're playing it the more real the audience is viewing it the better it works as improv right and so the best improvisers they they they're not just like holding a hammer they're holding like a ball-peen hammer with a tiny handle that's like really heavy towards the front end right and that makes it real okay so specifics make the story real specifics make it come alive if you're not living the story as you're telling it it's gonna be very flat it's not gonna be very charismatic all right so get specific and live the story you're telling so a lot of guys tell social proof stories write stories to make them look good and there's good and bad social proof stories a good social proof story is a story that would have been good enough without the social proof elements so that Sunset Boulevard story I told you guys that's a funny story it's an interesting story right if my story was just hey so the other day guys I was on Sunset balls are really checking me out it was awesome because I'm just the hotness right that's not a good story that's just bragging right because it isn't a good story independently so it is it is important that your social proof be mixed in with decent stories because otherwise it will come up hey you know so uh you know the other day I was riding around in my yacht where in my like you know $3,000 like [ __ ] shoes and you know but that's not a good story right the only reason that would be a good story is if like like a dog shat on your $3,000 shoes and you were pissed off that maybe maybe the fact that they were $3,000 shoes is relevant that makes sense so the the the braggy element or the high-value element to the story has to mesh into the story otherwise you are just bragging the best ones are here's some funny interesting thing that happened to me and then you ask yourself what can I convey through it remember a situation interruption change right so what information can I convey what what change can I convey that's very interesting right or what how can I mold the situation to convey me in the in the best possible light those kind of things that make sense and so those those elements should come out another thing that you can do with storytelling this was really useful is you can lead through storytelling right there's a story that I'm it's old-school routine I'll talk very quickly cuz it can be very very long right I'll tell you the very short version of this routine it's called 100% perfect girl story alright have anybody familiar with this one yeah couple people okay so basically the very short version of it is this is there's this man of this woman and they're at a marketplace and they they see each other from across the marketplace they start walking towards each other and their eyes meet and it's electric and it's amazing and they walk closer and it's even more amazing that walk closer closer closer and they walk right past each other without talking to each other and at that moment they've lost that opportunity to meet each other but then they both turn around and they say hi to each other in that one special moment and they start talking and they talk and they love it it's amazing and they talk until the Sun Goes Down but now it's come to the end of the day and they have to both go home to their families and they decide to leave it to fate instead of exchanging information or trying to meet up again they say you know what if we meet again it was meant to be and then we will get married right and so they leave they go home they go their separate ways and then the next day they both get up excited and they go they go about their chores in the village and they keep looking around the corner hoping to see the other one but neither one sees the other one the next day they wake up excited they do it again and this Kant keeps happening day after day but each day they're getting a little bit less excited a little bit less excited until over a period of weeks months and years they eventually kind of forget about it and they give up then a plague hits the village everybody like get sick and I'm cutting the story kind of short said I want to go long play gets the village everybody gets sick both the boy and the girl end up in a hospital right and they end up on a separate wings of the hospital and then one day they're walking across the hospital they're indifferent into the hallway they walk towards each other and their eyes meet and they have this vague recollection of this feeling they had years and years and years ago and they walk towards each other and they walk closer and they feel a little more feel a little more and they walk past each other and this time neither one of them turns around they both go on with their lives because too much had happened and they were changed people and the moment was lost right that's the story that I telling game right that's interesting because like everybody the girl thinks it's like oh god it could be this happy ending and they're waiting for it I need to tell this really like devastating sad story all right there's like that's a terrible story that's awful all right they're saying no no it's a beautiful story because here's the thing fate doesn't work by itself you have to seize the moment if you don't take care of your fate if you don't seize opportunities when they come the opportunities will be lost to you in life right and so I think it's a beautiful thing because it gives us control in our own lives right so in that story there's a long winded way to get there but in that story what am i doing I'm conveying this idea of if I'm with a girl and things are going well that we better take action on that we better capitalize up she better come home with me tonight or we better exchange numbers or whatever right and so I'm leading the message I want to be the case through the story but again it's also a good story like that was also kind of an interesting story it's not just like a blah story the best way is if you just have a lot of stories like for example I didn't come here trying to like I didn't plan on telling you guys the hundred percent perfect girl story that was not in the script right but I happen to have that story in the back and I told she was in fact the whole do that like Sunset Boulevard story I wasn't planning on telling you that one either right again it's just one that I happen to have there was a moment where it kind of made sense to illustrate a point so I used that story right and that's I think the ideal thing in order to do that though you have to understand the context you have to understand what you're trying to achieve and where your ads so you know when it's the right time and in learning that I think scripting stories can be useful right I will not underestimate the value of the fact that from about 2001 to about 2004 I was heavily scripted and I was planning out what story goes where because having done that lets me know you know what stories go where so I think it really can go either way but I think the long-term goal should be that you just have that abundance of material and that it like it just comes up at the right time right that's also the most natural way all right because if you're planning on I'm gonna do this and then this and then this and then this you're not paying attention they're growing you're adjusting to what's going on whereas if you're in the moment adjusting and just you have all this stuff at the ready now it's actually gonna be more charismatic and better because it's gonna have fit the moments right um last kind of concept on that was unrelated to verbals but it's very related to game is this concept they say yesterday's epiphany is tomorrow's crutch right and what that basically means is you learn this this bit of like scripted game and at first it's exciting to you and you want to use it and it works really well and then you keep using it and actually works even better because you get polished with it but at a certain point it starts working really badly because you start doing it because it works as opposed to because you want to say it and your soul is no longer in it right and then it's become a crutch and then it doesn't work anymore right so there's such a thing as good stories or good material and there's such a thing as the material you're actually interested in talking about and so for it to be good and not only does it have to be empirically good you have to actually be interested in it as well otherwise it'll come off flat so make sense and that comes down to that very first library talking about attitude right having the attitude having it having it be fun alright let's talk about humor so the first thing in humor and this is again from this is a chapter title in that book making people talk it's called penetrate the ostensible right and penetrate the ostensible basically means go beyond the obvious go beyond the obvious right every single time somebody says a sentence there's the obvious literal meaning of the sentence and every single time so most is a sentence there's something else in that sentence okay so for example uh you what do you do for a living what are you for living software engineer you're like questioning it are you sure are you are you sure you're a software engineer okay did you like your job awesome right okay so what what was the extra there right there's a couple things right so software engineer is the literal answer right but what else is there's the fact that he paused and hesitated and was unsure and the fact that like his voice sounded like a question right so the extensible is I'm a software engineer the the beyond the extensible is all the like nonverbals around it all the conveniences around it and that's an area that you could you could play on you could tease that make sense another thing is intonation right I'm gonna I'm gonna repeat a phrase to one of you and I want you to repeat it back to me okay I didn't say you stole the cookie go ahead okay cool was the way he said it exactly the same way I said it no right slight different emphasis on slightly different words and take that death sentence there's probably a hundred different ways you could say that sentence right if I say I didn't say you stole the cookie that's different than I just say I didn't say you stole the cookie or if I say I didn't say you stole the cookie all right I didn't say you stole the cookie there's wherever you put the emphasis everything is changing right so there are all these different elements all these different layers to conversation and a lot of like cleverness and even beyond cleverness humor isn't understanding the different layers and not treating conversation as literal okay so seeing those little bits of insulation or realizing that like there are words like bear bear and bear that like mean different things right or you know I was gonna say 2 2 & 2 but that's that one's a little hard to misinterpret but the point is there are words that have multiple meanings or words that imply different things for example the word hot can mean physically hot or it can mean sexually hot right so noticing all these different layers in communication very very useful and it doesn't mean that every single time someone says the word hot you have to make like a sexual joke but it means that that's one more thing to be aware of one more thing that's possibly there that could be useful right so penetrate the accessable beware of multiple meanings beware of words beware two phrases beware of intonations beware of like cultural references right maybe a word means something literally but it means something else culturally that can be some you can play with right so be aware of these things start to think of language not just as literal communication but as emotional expressive communication and look for all those ways okay so let's talk about specific humor or joke formats and there are tons of these but I'm just going to give you some examples of things to be aware of and again what I say at the start of this study humor study language right so what are some examples and again as I tell these number one I'm not a professional comedian a these aren't my jokes but they are good examples of the jokes if you don't find I'm hilarious still learn from them um so first one is setup punch and the idea here is you're you're creating a pattern right you're leading someone down a certain path in your communication and you're gonna veer suddenly off that path and the surprise can be the interesting element alright so I'm a great example of this is a comedian old comedian called Steven Wright you know any of his lines right so just off the top a couple of his jokes would be ones like so I sitting in a bar nursing a drink my nipple was getting quite soggy right just like it's weird and bizarre but you're thinking one thing and he takes you in a different direction all right another one is I love to go down to like the playground and watch all the kids like running around and screaming they don't know I'm just using blanks right so again set up and punch right I'll lead you down one path you have one vision in your head and then we divert from that vision and because there's that surprise it's very funny okay next good joke format is rule of three right so rule of three it's again about setting someone up for a particular expectation and then violating it right so again my story even though it wasn't meant to be it's not a joke right my story about the girls in the Cadillac it's not a joke it's a story but by the fact that it was the third light where that happened it made it better right had it been the fifth blight you would have been like it would've been way too long just one light and then another light and then another light it was at the second light there wouldn't be enough pattern established and you wouldn't have that that expectation to be violated right so three is very useful for this one I'll give you an example of a joke I'm sure it's been told a million times was I heard it from Jimmy Stewart on like an old video that I watched she was in but basically man and his wife they're they're having like arguments and the wife's like if we're if I were to die you get remarried which is like you know not the [ __ ] question when asked or has it man he's like I don't want it's a [ __ ] question I want to deal with this whatever so no no seriously there's an important question so after she asked like a bunch of times finally is like okay fine you know what I will get remarried sure I should I go get flying I guess so would you if you got remarried like would you let her live in this house that's our house he's like well it's a good house at like honestly probably yeah I would so I have fine but you wouldn't let her like would you let her like sleep in our bed like that's that's that's a step too far is it it's a nice bed it means you want me to like I mean I understand emotionally but you really want me to get rid of the bed she's like okay fine but you wouldn't let her use my golf clubs he's like no no she's left-handed okay okay so right there again it's that rule of three because I set you up thinking one thing having a pattern and then we break the pattern right and the fact that there is that rhythm and that violation makes it more interesting makes it more funny okay other great examples callback humor right if there's a joke or some some kind of frame you're playing on early on you can bring that back up and the other one I absolutely terrible at but I know people who are really really good at is if you can do impressions like if as you're telling a story if you can tell it use a funny voice excuse me or if it's like about a celebrity and you're able to like enact to that celebrity right or for example Kevin when he was giving my intro right when he did his Todd impression all you guys laughed why because it just it adds that little wrinkle it adds that little bit of extra color right so that's another form of humor and there's tons of these for minutes right I just gave you some of the basic ones but again watch some humor see the formats if you see a joke or hear a joke that you like or hear a story that you find funny appreciate it make note of it but also ask yourself what was the thing that made it work what was the thing what was it set up punch was it three things was it like a misinterpretation understand and understand your type of humor some of you guys are going to love misinterpretation here when you're gonna tons of it some you guys will love structured jokes and you'll be like the guy who holds court and can tell structured jokes and that's fine as well right if you need to find your humor understand it and then be able to repeat it and the key thing in humor what's the exaggeration jokes the comedy it's all about the exaggeration almost anything can be made funny with the right exaggeration that's what it really is you're taking logic you're taking a very mundane perspective and you're twisting it in some way so that's what humor really is finally let's talk about improvisational comedy when I learned improvisational comedy I went to a school called Upright Citizens Brigade UCB and they taught a particular format which I really really liked for game right and what they taught basically is you're on stage you're with someone who you're kind of playing with you're you're making up a scene as you go right and at first the scene should be normal you shouldn't go in and like try and be back you shouldn't come out and like jump around like a frog necessarily unless unless there's a strong reason to have started that way it shouldn't just be for weirdness right but you start out this scene and as you start interacting what you're looking for is the first unusual thing okay first unusual thing and it could be anything it could be like someone uses an unusual word someone uses a word that like is a 15th century word that like you'd like you normally wouldn't use that's unusual or say you're doing pantomime I had one scene when I was doing improv where we were getting like sodas out of a soda machine and someone kind of like forgot their pantomime just Rick reached into the soda machine and like grabbed something I don't like holy [ __ ] Superman right and Dad that became the funny thing was it like it's like some other thing because it was the first unusual weird thing but you don't go in trying to be weird you just go in observing what comes your way right and this is how I think in game so when I asked you the question what do you do for a living what was I looking for I was looking for the first unusual thing right and it could be a million different things it can be different with everybody for example you hey what do you do for a living you're a student okay cool cool there's a good smile you're very happy about being a student very proud of yourself cool so that's the first unusual thing so I'm a student was pretty normal right but then when like he didn't know what to do and he like kind of that's something unusual that's something to play with so it makes sense and every single person's gonna do something unusual for example hey what's up Todd nice to meet you wow there's a very strong handshake good so that's maybe an usual thing if it was weak that would be an unusual thing right so every single interaction every single time it's a little bit different and it's something you can play off okay so you're always getting information use it but anyway the format is what's the first unusual thing justify it come up with some kind of explanation for it and then expand it exaggerate XA and what is the exaggeration so for example first unusual thing I'm just so we were off the handshake right strong handshake right strong handshake all right so I'm gonna explain it right so you're clearly trying to make up for something with that handshake right not that may or may not be true but that's my justification right so if this is true what else is true you're pretty good probably that guy that like walks down the street like bodychecking everybody just cuz he has a small penis right right so again probably not true Oh like I'm not like making fun of him but what did I do I took first unusual thing give some kind of explanation of it and then if this is true what else is true it doesn't have to be hilarious right don't try and be hilarious because if you're trying to be hilarious you're just gonna come off try hard and lame try and be interesting right and if you try and be interesting sometimes it'll be funny right with him funny with him it was just interesting and creative and we move on that make sense but if I was trying to be like overtly hilarious every time it'd be very very try hard and be very cheesy very late okay so go for go for interesting go for insightful go for witty and then hilarious will happen sometimes but if you go for hilarious and you're not like a scripted stand-up comedian you're not gonna hit hilarious most of the time so I told you guys to watch stand-up comedians and you're gonna learn a lot about humor from them but if you want to learn humor for game there's certain stand-up comedians that are probably better than others it's too bad I can't I am trying to think of like a low-value humor comedian and I'm not up to date on all the comedians stuff but imagine a comedian who gets up on stage and like his whole routine is whole shtick is about like you know I'm kind of a loser or like oh my girlfriend's like leave me because I have because I'm bald and smell funny right if that was his like comedy routine huh definitely that's actually a decent one he's a little bit self-deprecating he's not as bad but he's definitely of that ilk but if it's self-deprecating like cutting yourself down humor you are gonna get laughs but you're not achieving the fundamental purpose of game right a fundamental purpose of game the reason you're communicating in game with a girl is to convey your most positive qualities and convey yourself as the archetype of a man who she would want to sleep with so humor is a very useful tool because it makes you more interesting because it makes you you you know hold that hold court better because it shows wittiness and intelligence those kind of things but fundamentally if it's not showing attractive qualities it's gonna work against you instead of for you okay so avoid the will get set a second avoid this self-deprecating humor right some good examples of comedians of good humor is like Dane Cook for example right Dane Cook humor whether you like it or not as humor right it's a very high value very sort of like alpha male humor right it's not self-deprecating it's very like [ __ ] you kind of I'm doing my thing kind of humor right so understand there's a right and wrong way and again understand from the previous he's the previous slide you don't have to be hilarious I'd much rather in-game be kind of interesting and high value then be hilarious and self-deprecating right don't become the clown don't become the dancing monkey that's not the way you want to go at all the other purpose for humor and game and this is very very useful is to defuse tension all right you can get away with anything if it's funny like for example you want to bring up sex you could bring up sex in a joke a lot easier they could bring up sex by saying I think we should have sex right so the fact of humor and the fact of the distortion and exaggeration that is a round humor is incredibly useful for getting through resistance humor and specifically the reframe is incredibly useful for getting over [ __ ] tests all right I guess familiar with [ __ ] tests and reframing all that kind of stuff yes okay good good good that's one of the most useful applications of humor in game is is exactly that there's misinterpreting a [ __ ] test it's all in like the intention and the interpretation so for example if I were to say if I'm clearly a confident person and I say we're not gonna have sex because I'd be disappointing them I'm like this right first of all it's I'm just qualifying her for sex and second of all my overall way of conveying myself is very confident and very positive especially when I have a little cheeky on my face like a little like cheeky grin on my face or whatever right that's very different than like you know yeah I'm such a loser you just you probably wouldn't even want to hang out with me right cuz there it seems like I'm serious about it seems like I'm depressed about it it's not in good spirits it's not like tongue-in-cheek right so a lot of it comes down to how you Ria's and a lot of it comes down to the past circumstance so if you walk up and your opener is hey I'm pretty lame you probably when you want to talk to me that's self-deprecating in a very bad way if you've been hanging out with a girl for like all night and you've made out with her and you're talking about going home and she's like I don't know if I should come back and you're like yeah you know I'm pretty lame you might not want to hang out with me right in that moment kind of like cheeky and cocky and given the context that she clearly likes you now it's disqualifying in the right way does it make sense so it's all about like the frame it's not like this is a word that you can't say or can say or phrase you can or can't say it all depends on the overall perception basically if she legitimately could believe you have low self-esteem then it's self-deprecating and wrong and bad right if she knows damn well you're kidding then it's totally fine and it's just you know just qualifying or just being a little funny make sounds that's kind of the distinction that I used that I'll do you and then you yeah well actually the one that that he there is one which is like you know you wouldn't you wouldn't want to actually here's a good one he's good at real line from a movie because I take lines from movies a lot there's a line from the movie rounders Matt Damon gets home from a long night of poker he's you know wants to have like you know sex with his girlfriend who's just woken up and is about to go to law school and she's like no no he's like oh don't worry I'll be quick you won't feel a thing right okay so he's playing on sex right it's normally that'd be bad sex but in this case it's a good thing right so he's using humor to address the sex thing as opposed to no baby please can we right so that's bringing up sex in a humorous way um the other one is the example he like I have a small penis right joking about having a small B is like a little wet carrot that kind of thing that old joke right that is joking about sex in a in a way to make it funny so in general in game you should probably want to create tension more than defuse it right but there are times when it's negative tension right there are times when maybe you've overstepped right so you went a little too far that's a good time for humor right or another thing is that when you're just broaching a subject that like is really risky you're increasing the tension by broaching the subject at all but you're lessening the risk by adding the humor right so I'm not a big fan of like trying to defuse tension in the set in general but lessening the increasing rate of it by adding some humor is a very good idea that kind of makes sense all right all right let's talk about flirting all right so flirting will give you the definition of flirting flirt and I like this definition to court trifling Lior Act amorously without serious intentions to play at love to quartet okay the key thing here is trifling ly without serious intentions play okay flirting is not a line that you use it's an attitude that you use right the line without the attitude is terrible I'll give you an example a student that I had years and years ago we taught him the classic flirty line like oh you're kind of the bad girl right here's his delivery you are a bad girl without like a smirk on his face either because he didn't find it funny right okay that's not gonna fly right so he said what's a flirty line it's a correct game line but he said it in completely the wrong way there was no flirtation there right meanwhile I can personally with the right kind of vibe repeat back what the girl says to her most of the time and just almost by repeating back what she says without it even being a good game line just because the vibe is right I can turn it into flirtation right I'm gonna go out on a limb here I don't I have no idea how maybe I'll pull this off but I'll try it someone say something to me I'll try and repeat it back in a flirty way please please don't give me something ridiculous to work with I don't know if I can even pull this off but I'm confident enough that flirting isn't an intonation that I think there's a chance I can so somebody give me something to work with say it say anything that you might say in-game or then my girl might say to you or whatever you hate uh my shirt all right worksite give me something else yeah pretty sure I uh comma killed the dinosaurs what makes you so sure yeah you're pretty obsessed with comments like a long long burning hot things flying through space so sorry anyway that doesn't maybe a bit far but the point is back there the point is just by reframing be just by rephrasing stuff you can you can add a flirty nature to it okay it's in the it's in the intonation it's in the playfulness the willingness more than anything right and also this is true for like physical flirtation right like pushing a girl away it could be like shoving her off which is not flirty or can be like oh you and that is flirty okay so understand that it's it's that playfulness more than anything and we talked at the very start carrying the conversation it's attitude first technique second flirting very much is attitude first technique second if you've decided you're gonna flirt with a girl you'll come up with the right words you'll come up with the right internatio figure it out but the first part is deciding and deciding that it is playful it is joking that kind of thing okay support is an attitude first keyword is playful now push-pull is pretty much the fundamental like core of flirtation I love you I hate you I love you I love you not so say the first thing that you think right and then if the thing you said the thing you thought it was positive you're gonna fall with a negative it was negative for all as a positive there's a new show you follow with either one that you like alright so I see that you're wearing glasses that's cool that's also it means that you're very comfortable yourself right that makes sense so that glasses is neutral but may be negative right so fall it with a positive right or if I say like you're sitting in a very tense way I can tell you're very focused in trying to learn that's cool right or gonna be like you're very well dressed clearly you're making up for something right does that make sense so if it's positive make a negative negative positive it's neutral it could be either one you're wearing a black shirt [ __ ] hate black only losers wear black shirts okay a lot of people say what's your opener what do you say you know my favorite opener is hey or hi or hey excuse me I actually do excuse me a lot interesting even though you're not supposed to say excuse me hey excuse me using all the time and what I'm doing is I'm looking for their reaction how do I specifically looking for is what we talked about before the first unusual thing right because every girl is going to respond differently to hey or hey excuse me or whatever right so the exercise I want you guys to do as partners is this you're gonna say hi to your partner and as they respond you're gonna look for that first unusual thing all right and it could be the tone of voice is plenty or they pause and hesitate or it could be they laugh or they giggle or they smile at you they squeeze your hand too tight when like they think shake hands whatever it is okay it doesn't really matter what it is but you're gonna take that thing you're gonna notice it right and then you're gonna do the format justify it and then exaggerate it all right so let's let's look at a couple of these let's say hey what's up how you doing good hey you're are you okay with the fact you're doing guys good you sure you're sure good isn't just like an average 99% cool so you're just a very laid-back right so what I call I call it whatever it is this might you're very laid back you're the type of guy you'd be like at a rock concert like you know checking your watch in your phone and [ __ ] right whatever yeah I do it all right so not like the most genius thing ever but certainly more interesting than nothing right and certainly like bringing yourself into into his world a little bit right so first unusual thing justify it if this is true what else is true that's the format you guys got it all right and everyone's gonna be a little bit different at first go slow with it right at first take your time with it figure it out like anything the more times you practice it's going to become second nature it's going to become intuitive and I teach you these formats as exercises to teach you whom or not because I was gonna say not because you have to do this with every girl you meet now every single time you meet her right this isn't the universal secret key to game it's just another tool for your arsenal and another exercise to like kind of unleash your comedy powers final we're gonna do and this one we can kind of just go around room is misinterpretation treating something very mundane as much more sexual okay and again when we talked about like where I can I can say the same thing back to in a flirty way and make it flirty there's something sexual and almost everything right so what we're gonna do is were a political rule one time with it and see if we can go the whole way but the game is called sex with me as like okay let's say sex with me is like something and then you give the reason why so for example if I the thing was roller coaster sex with me is like roller coaster you up and down and up and down and up and down sex with me is like a roller coaster you're gonna get off exactly what I say you are right sex with me is like a roller coaster if you write it long enough you're gonna puke sex with me is like a roller coaster there are pictures being taken of you and you least expect it right there's all these different ways that it could work okay no they don't have to be brilliant they just have to kind of make sense so it was like sex with me is like a chair it's good on all fours right sex with me is like a cherry or feel you're sure to feel something hard against your ass okay there's different reasons different ways you can go with it section of me is like a computer it never stops go sex with me is like Philadelphia it sucks misinterpretation one is not that hard it's the attitude and the willingness to do it and then too when you have the right format good things will come out of it taught you guys a bunch of techniques more importantly or better than techniques cuz techniques are these these little things that exist in the conversation better yet is frame having a interesting or a fun or a flirty frame right so in a way the frame can be the exaggeration right so normally when a man walks up and talks to a woman it's like you know I'm a guy I would like to sleep with you I'm gonna try and impress you right that's a pretty boring frame and it's a pretty useless frame for you on the other hand if the frame was like hi excuse me you look bored I thought I'd come over here and entertain myself at your expense right that's a frame it's kind of like flirty fun whatever right or if a friend was like excuse me I noticed you looking at me I thought I'd you know come over and you know help you get over your shyness right that's a frame and that frame is it's cocky and funny right but the frame basically is the exaggeration of the situation and the frame is in it of itself playful right and that's the key thing these playful frames as opposed to logical boring frames all right some other frames I like walk over to a girl and act like she's your ex-girlfriend all right that's a fun frame to play right or or another one that's kind of fun is you walk over a girl like hey excuse me this girl's been chasing me on that you got to keep me safe like just like act like we're having a fun conversation just for a second yeah she's she's weird right it's fun it's interesting it's playful it's out of the ordinary right you're getting away from again penetrate theist ostensible get out of the boring get out of the ordinary do something to make it fun do something to make it playful now again do you have to do this every single set no right you can totally go up to a girl and just do a normal approach but these are ideas they're all things you can do things you can little wrinkles you can add to make it more playful more flirty more interesting right none or none are mandatory in and of themselves but you have to have something in your set of this nature so this make sense guys so all these little techniques are great little exaggerations little flirtations but how much better if the entire the entire frame is is the game is the flirtation you guys know basically what a frame is right the frame is the thing that controls the meaning right so the frame of an interaction can be you know I'm trying to pick you up and from that frame everything's gonna be kind of boring and useless and try hard if the frame is you're trying to pick me up now of a sudden it's much much much better if the frame is you know I'm over girls because like too many girls I've been hitting on me recently now all of a sudden that's an interesting different one right if the frame is let's see how much trouble we can get into tonight that's a lot more fun then let's ask each other boring questions about our work all night right so the frame the idea behind the conversation the idea of the purpose of the conversation it's probably one of the first things you should be thinking about in terms of gearing the conversation more interesting right because with an interesting frame everything and it's going to get into with a boring frame you're gonna have to be pretty [ __ ] brilliant and make it interesting okay and the prints again I'm talking about presuppositions the idea that you can go in like when you go in and talk to a girl what are you assuming is true are you assuming it's true that you need to impress her or you're assuming it's true she needs to impress you are you assuming it's true that you're attractive or assuming it's true that you're not are you assuming it's true that that she's a very sexual person or you assuming it's true that she's a very boring logical person right it's a lot easier to assume something is true and let her prove you wrong or try to prove you wrong then it is to not assume it's true and try and create it later right so you always it's kind of like the interaction you'd like to have instead of asking permission to go have it just go start having the interaction you want to and let her objective she's going to write and if she does she's gonna give you [ __ ] test which is totally fine as well okay and then plot lines so the huge manifestation of this is plot lines which is where you're creating this general drama between you and her throughout the entire entire interaction so some familiar plot lines you may know are things like you and I won't get along oh wait you're actually kind of cool maybe you're winning me over right or other ones like why are you being so cute I'm trying so hard to resist women at the moment all right something like that so any kind of a thing that gives gives drama gives tension and creates the right kind of vibe is something you can do this very very you want okay this is already kind of implied in the last couple slides but I want to say it explicitly okay I know the last thing I want to say with all of this is practice practice practice so I've given you guys a whole bunch of information about storytelling about carrying the conversation about attitudes about structures of humor about structures of flirtation about frames frame control misinterpretation all this kind of stuff if you go try and put all this into your next interaction what's gonna happen right too much right use it a little at a time understand it grow with it and most importantly practice it and the most the biggest part of practice is the attitude the attitude of being fun being light-hearted trying new things and just having that that energy that is flirting remember the flotation definition without serious intent right it's not taking so seriously trying to find the play and everything and trying to find the play again my little message to you guys love words more trying to find the play in every word in every sentence every intonation right language is very very rich find the richness and start playing with it okay we'll enjoy your life it will add more girls thank you guys so much I appreciate it [Applause] you

Channel: Todd V Dating

Views: 847,278

Rating: 4.868022 out of 5

Keywords: Verbal, story telling, flirting, flirtation, wit, humor, talk, what to say to girls, routines, stories, jokes, talking, public speaking

Id: oxOih6GwSXI

Length: 60min 31sec (3631 seconds)

Published: Wed Feb 07 2018