The Right Way To Get Into "State"

[Music] no girl has ever slept with a guy because he was insane right however girls have slept with lots of guys while they're in state right because of the things that are kind of the outgrowth of them are the things that the behaviors he exhibits under those conditions that kind of stuff okay and so it stays pretty interesting and a good place to look for the understanding of state is actually things like sports psychology all right how many people in this room played sports at some point your life a little bit okay cool how many guys ever had a good game we played well have you guys ever had a bad game where he played badly did you ever have a bad game at a later point in your life when you were a better player than you had had when you were you had a good game when you want weren't as good and you had a bad game when you were better that ever happened yeah right okay now that said as you got better did you have more good games on average right at least or at least maybe you upped your against better competition so you know what I mean all right you had a game that against the lower competition would have devastated them does that make sense okay so the idea here is yes there's this performance this like bring it on game day type of performance that exists but there's also a thing called skill oh alright the thing called fitness there's a thing there's all these underpinning skills that are in game and so you take me I was a soccer player or a football player for Europeans and stuff like that right when I had my absolute best game ever if you were to compare that to Cristiano Ronaldo's worst game that he's had in the last ten years who do you think played better him or me him alright but I was in state I was I was on right there's a difference though there's such a chasm there's such a gap in skill that all the state in the world won't make up for it or for example if you guys are out to night in you're in state and I'm in the club too if we're taking bets on who's gonna pull that night where you putting your money alright everybody wants to put money on yourself feel free all right but the point is like there's there's the skill gap right there's the fact that I know what I'm doing right and what kind of coaches we're talking about when they were up here dealing with state and whatnot is that if you're in state right you can get the girl attracted you can do some things like you said being witty those kind of things well you do open up those channels of your brain a bit more but if you have that but you don't know how to use that to build attraction it's not really useful to you if you don't know once the girl likes you how to go about structuring the pull in a way that'll make her feel not about it not useful to you if you don't know how to structure getting the friends to be okay with you being in isolation with her all those things are not really useful to in terms of getting an actual results okay so things like state or positive mental attitude they don't help you do anything but they do help you do everything that you can already do a bit better right so are they is it useful is state useful absolutely but is it a be-all end-all no and can you do well without it yes if you have the appropriate skills in the appropriate understandings these things that are happening organically in field they can be broken down they can be broken down to a process all right so what is attractive male behavior women are queuing on a few little things right when we're queueing on can you hold eye contact women are queuing on like is your vocal tonality good and resonance and confidence all right women are queuing on are you persistent in the right ways and not the wrong ways women are queuing on when when you say that when they say something to you do you react to them or are you like you know able to remain chill and calm right and all of these things are either skills or can be learned as habits right and so the idea is rather than needing state to get you there why not practice the skill so that you have it when you're in state or out of state and also that even when you are in state it's even a better version of state right so what you're doing really is you're if this is like when you're when you're a state based guy right this is like your absolute best and this is like your worst and there's a huge gap between the two and you're rarely at your best right the idea of learning technique is you bring this baseline up so that your worst is almost at what your best was before and as a consequence of that the skills you've learned also take your best up here right so the phenomenon of being in state we'll always kind of exist right I get in state and I do better than I do out of state but that said I'm still odds on to pull a hot girl out of state right if you're betting on me to go out and a night out of state you'd put money on me pulling someone right because my baseline has gotten like maybe I was in state was here first now my baseline out of state is up here because of practice because of technique that kind of stuff okay so that's how we're gonna work on things if you want to work on like what is the actual not what is the the thing inside you that's happening but what is the girl experiencing that's where it all starts because fundamentally to get a girl attracted to you it's what is the experience she's having with you what is the actual behavior exhibiting and then let's learn to have that be a habit let's learn to have that be instinctive so that that's like not even something you have to try to do it's something you do by accident right and so you're always attractive alright that's what we're gonna try and get and then beyond that we can talk about how to get into even better state so once you have those techniques alright and the funny thing about that is jus guys know what involuntary bodily functions are like voluntary versus involuntary functions right so if I don't blink my eyes that's a voluntary I can blink what I want - it's also involuntary a little bit right in the sense that I'll blink if I'm not thinking about it but it's pretty voluntary I can control it waving my hands completely voluntary I don't think I've ever waved my hand by accident okay there are other things that are very involuntary the heart heart beating very very involuntary alright it's it's hard to directly control it alright but notice I said directly if you wanted to control your heartbeat could you yeah you can do some jumping jacks I jump up and down and run around you just sped your heart up you want to slow your heart down lie down take some deep breaths relax go to sleep just slow your heart down so you can control involuntary functions as well but trying to control them directly doesn't really work if you try and make your heart beat faster by thinking about your heart that's kind of a fool's errand right it's a very very hard way to go about it okay but there are processes and procedures that'll get you there all right so I want you guys to think of state as an involuntary function okay it's not something you can control directly but it is something you can control all right you can control it through actions and there's an experiments at least I mean I didn't participate in this experiment no I heard about an experiment where they actually got people to control their heartbeats in a voluntary way and here's how they did it or they did is they hooked the heart up to a monitor and instead of trying to change the heartbeat you actually try and change the monitor right so you focus on trying to change the monitor spikes and over time and with practice you can actually learn to like move the monitor that make sense and it's a pretty interesting way but you're indirectly controlling your heartbeat without having to change your other physiology all right so that's sort of like the equivalent of like getting in state by thinking about it but again there's this intermediate step right doing it doing it directly doesn't really work and especially for state as an involuntary function trying to do it directly doesn't work and here's why because what state essentially is is a state where you're not self conscious right so it's a lack of self consciousness so if you're trying to think about inside your head how to be unselfconscious that's the most self conscious process you could possibly have right so thinking about state and thinking about getting out of your head by necessity puts you in your head it's like if you tried to speed up your heart by laying down to go to sleep right it's the exact wrong process for how to go about it and that's what happens to guys that lay they become state based like oh how do I get in state oh I'm not in state uh and I just put some more and more and more out of state more and more in their head and they start exhibiting more and more of the bad unattractive behaviors that come from being out of state okay so the real secret you're looking for is what is the equivalence of doing jumping jacks for your heart for getting in state right or like looking at that monitor for your heart to get in state and there are a lot of different answers and they're a lot different answers for a lot of different people all right but there are various things that can work right one thing that can work is to go and do something scary right just go do a scary approach you'll be scared it'll suck a little bit right to me actually I think it's exciting I don't even think it sucks I think it's just exciting not scary but regardless it may be scary for you right but when you go do that like ballsy approach one of two things is going to happen either a it's gonna go well which is a feedback mechanism that tends to put you in state so that's a good thing or it's gonna go badly and if it goes badly but nobody arrests you and nobody gets in a fight with you and nobody yells and screams at you you just given your body and yourself and your mind evidence that it's a safe environment does that make sense all right because a lot of times the reason why you're scared I mean different people are scared for different reasons and by the way certain things will work for certain people certain things won't work I'm not gonna say every one of these works for everybody but I will say I've yet to find the person for whom none of them work okay does it make sense but for a lot of people and I think for most people if you go do something really ballsy and nothing bad happens to you as a result you do convince yourself that it's a bit of a safer environment you do convince yourself that you have either some status in that environment whatever so gonna be a little less scared to do it again all right so doing that ballsy thing can definitely get you in state another thing that can work for getting getting into state or moving in a positive direction again if you're doing these things to get into state they won't work by the way right if you're like I will do this physical activity to get in state now you're still in your head and you're still trying to chase state you have to truly do it for its own purpose if you truly do it for its own sake because it's the right thing to do because it's fun for you because it's the process not because to get yourself in state because as soon as as soon as it's coming back to that you're still in your head and you're still gonna it up okay does that make sense all right other things you can do is change your physiology right so that's the literal equivalent to doing jumping jacks to get your heart rate up right so 21 here's the exercise you guys can try I've done this with students it works go in the bathroom get in front of a mirror and for a minute straight or two minutes if you're you know an overachiever you have to smile smirk or wink that's all you can do smile smirk or wink funny thing happens when you're in in state and happy and whatnot you smile when you smile you get happier when you wink you get like a little cockier right when you smirk you get that feeling everybody smile if I just just like even as a fake smile I smile a little bit in this smirk to wink right it changes the physiology just a little bit and you guys just did that for like a second or two right for a minute that's all you're able to do is smile smirk wink right it's just a little bit of a state exercise for other guys going on the dance floor and just dancing very loosely very crazy we'll do the do the physiology of getting them a state other guys yelling at the top of their lungs we'll do it in terms of those kind of things right the funny thing though is if you do it specifically to get in state what you're gonna do right afterwards is you're gonna monitor did it get me in state and then you're right back in your head so you truly have to do it for the right purpose okay so these are an array and example of some of the methods my particular method that I like and the best is to basically do the game for its own sake right do the game for the beauty of the game regardless of if you're in state or not alright so for me the biggest success I can have in a night out is the success of having played the game to the best of my ability right and that is that's my goal for every night my goal for the night isn't to pull right I mean obviously I like pulling I like sex that kind of stuff right but my goal is to play the game as perfectly in as well as I know how to and so that means if I'm in state I play that as best I can in state and I'm very happy with that if I'm out of state I play the best I can out of state and I'm very happy about that and if I go through the whole night and I play the best I can out of state and I never get in state I'm completely fine with that right because I know I did my best and I'm happy and I'm proud about that and if I play that way and I happen to get in state at some point throughout the night which will happen a large percentage of the time I'm very happy with that as well but what's happening is I'm so focused on the process itself and the next right action and the thing I'm doing and that's a focus that's external to myself that's a focus that's outside of my head and I'm using so much mental energy and so much bandwidth outside of my head that it's actually literally impossible for me to focus inside my head because there's no mental Ram left for that being okay in those situations and the other one is that what I'm just trying to push back there for the process I tend to over focus on that one right so now you're saying basically if I'm not focused on my own internal thing then I'm focused on getting a reaction or getting a result from the girl all right and that's a different focus all right so did I say I'm focused on pulling or getting the girl to like me I said no I'm focused on playing the game the right way right so I'm not focused on making her like me and focused on doing all the things that should make her like me and if she likes me great if she doesn't like me great I'll live with it does that make sense you get that you get that difference in focus though how do I enjoy my night because I know that I played well I know that I played well have you ever liked play playing sports if you were played well and still lost and you can still go home and live with yourself because you played your best game fair enough as well because that's your passion but at least you can kind of live with yourself whereas other times if you plate plate so you play badly and lost now it feels much worse right then if you played well and lost okay it's less heartbreaking but it's better for yours like self-esteem is that make sense right and so for me Doug that's the thing is it's the self-esteem factor of knowing that I did it well and did my best is what I'm really going for and that's what what pleases me that's that's the satisfaction I get from game is the well-played game and the good thing is the world party that played game will lead to results all right I'll give you guys kind of a metaphor from from poker where's a poker player all right did it make it sometimes I do get you have a couple poker players couple few so the thing in poker is this you can play at poker hands completely perfectly and lose a ton of money all right you get all the money and right you completely read the guys hands you play perfectly wrong card comes on the river wrong card comes at the end whatever and massive pot right but you know that you played the hand well and to be a professional poker player which I was for for several years you have to be happy with that outcome right like annoyed by that outcome but happy with that outcome you have to know that if you do that outcome over and over and over again you're gonna be very very rich all right and there are other times when you'll miss play hands you'll get outplayed and you'll get lucky with the last card and you're scooping the chips but at the same time you should feel pretty sheepish you fish you up really like I've really up like I don't deserve you know whatever and that should feel bad to you so how you feel about the hand should not be dependent on whether you're scooping ships or not if she'd be dependent on whether you should be scooping chips or not so your job is to play the game that that should get a result and do that consistently over and over again because if you do that you're gonna get all the things you want in life right if you're consistently not doing that you're not so for me I gained a self-esteem and pleasure and all these things from the game every single time I do the right move whether it works out or not every single time and it's not even like that it has to be the right move every time I do the best move I know at that time right that's my goal to me games almost like a meditation of doing the right thing right it's it's it's almost I don't wanna get all spiritual but it's like almost a self actualization process right is this process of like doing the right thing regardless of how you feel doing the right thing regardless of whether it's easy or hard just doing that thing and to me when I've done that thing over and over and over again that's when I gain pleasure from game right and also like my dream my dream night is this this is gonna sound really weird and perverse my dream night is this I go out and I do every single thing I know right and do the absolute best game I can and it somehow doesn't work right like it somehow doesn't work in some way that's unpredictable to me because when that happens that means I've discovered something new and that's the most exciting thing right I've discovered a new phenomenon game or I've discovered that there's something else out there I don't know and then I'm excited to develop it even further alright because most of the time when I've game really really well I get a result right or maybe there's some external factors that whatever but like if I if I game really well and it's not working that's when I learn right about situations like I go to a new city and it's a different culture a new country it's a different culture and everything I know that's working I'm on top of my game and it doesn't work right now I get fascinated and now I spend the next few days figuring out how to game that country and I learned some lessons and once I've learned those lessons now my games gone to a whole new level and that's exciting for me to make sense right so yeah so I'm truly I'm truly truly doing it for its own sake I'm doing it for the sake of the relationship with a girl like having the best interaction I possibly can and the best game I possibly can and again because that becomes my focus I can't be focused in my head there's no headspace left for that and then what happens is I actually get in state all right and all these other good things come from it as well all right but if I was if I'm ever thinking about being in state if I'm ever thinking about being out of state that's when I am really really bad and that's what I'm really try hard and really needy and when that happens all I do is I say what is the one best right move I can do from here whether it works or not what is the first next right move I can make and then once I've done that I say okay what's the next right move and the next right move in the next right move and I make enough right moves that either I get in state or I succeed because I've done a lot of right moves out of state and that can work [Music] [Music]

Channel: AskToddV

Views: 169,856

Rating: 4.9383678 out of 5

Keywords: state, flow, zone, game, pickup, momentum, charisma, women, girls, dating, skill, technique, process, warm up, mentality, psychology

Id: FM9FgP8CJjE

Length: 18min 54sec (1134 seconds)

Published: Tue Sep 25 2018