How To SPEAK ENGLISH | George Carlin

Video Statistics and Information

Video

Captions Word Cloud

Captions

I'm tired of television announcers hosts newscasters and commentators nibbling away at the English language making obvious and ignorant mistakes if I were in charge of America's broadcast stations and networks I would gather together all these people whose jobs include speaking to the public and I would not let them out of the room until they had absorbed the following suggestions and I'm aware that media personalities are not selected on the basis of intelligence I know that and I try to make allowances for it believe me I really try but still there are some liberties taken with speech that I think require intervention if only from my own sake I won't feel right if this chance goes by and I keep my silence number one the English word fort spelled fo RTE and meaning specialty or strong point is not pronounced Forte got that it's pronounced fort the Italian word Forte fo RTE used in music notation is pronounced Forte and it instructs the musician to play loud she plays the skinnfloot and her fort is playing Forte look it up you don't believe me and don't give me that whiney shit Forte is less than is the second preference there's a reason it's second because it's not first here's another thing you hear this all the time and believe me when I tell you irony deals with opposites it has nothing to do with coincidence if two baseball players from the same hometown on different teams received the same uniform number it's not ironic it's a coincidence if Barry Bonds attains lifetime statistics identical to his father's it will not be ironic it will be a coincidence irony is quote a state of affairs that is the reverse of what was to be expected a result opposite to and in mockery of the appropriate result unquote for instance if a diabetic on his way to buy insulin is killed by a runaway truck he is the victim of an accident if the truck was delivering sugar he is the victim of an oddly poetic coincidence but if the truck was delivering insulin then he is the victim of an irony if occurred after surviving a bloody battle with Saddam Hussein's army and a long difficult escape through the mountains is crushed and killed by a parachute drop of humanitarian aid that and my friend is irony written large Darryl Stingley the pro football player was paralyzed after a brutal hit by Jack Tatum now Darryl Stingley son plays football and if the son should become paralyzed while playing it will not be ironic it will be coincidental if Darryl Stingley son paralyzes someone else that will be closer to ironic if he paralyzes Jack Tatum's son that will be precisely ironic I'm tired of hearing prodigal being used to mean wandering given to running away or leaving and returning the parable in The Book of Luke tells of a son who squanders his father's money prodigal means recklessly wasteful or extravagant and if you say popular usage has changed that I say fuck popular usage here's another one bothers me the phrase sour grapes does not refer to jealousy or envy nor is it related to being a sore loser it deals with the rationalization of failure to attain a desired end in the original fable of Esau the Fox and the grapes when the Fox realizes he cannot leap high enough to reach the grapes he rationalizes that even if he had gotten them they would probably have been sour anyway rationalization that's all sour grapes means it doesn't deal with jealousy or soar losing yeah I know you say well many people are using it that way so the meaning is changing and I said well many people are really fucking stupid - should we just adopt all their standards here's another one strictly speaking celibate does not mean not having sex it means not being married no wedding the practice of refraining from sex is called chastity or sexual absence no fucking priests don't take a vow of celibacy they take a vow of chastity sometimes referred to as the no nookie clause and speaking of sex the Immaculate Conception does not mean Jesus was conceived in the absence of sex it means Mary his mother was conceived without original sin that's all it has ever meant and according to the tabloids Mary is apparently the only one who can make such a claim the Jesus thing is called virgin birth even Catholics get that one wrong momentarily means for a moment not in a moment the word for in a moment is presently I will be there presently dad and then after pausing momentarily I will kick you in the nuts no other option and no other alternative are redundant the words option and alternative already imply other nests I had no option mom I got this huge erection because there was no alternative this rule is not optional the alternative is to be wrong you should not use criteria when you mean criterion for the same reason that you should not use criterion when you mean criteria these is my only criterion and by the way a light-year is a measurement of distance not time it will take light years for young basketball players to catch up with the number of women Wilt Chamberlain has fucked is a scientific impossibility probably in more ways than one and a lot of people on television should be told an acronym is not just any set of initials it applies only to those initials that can be pronounced as words mad dare NATO UNICEF those are acronyms FBI CIA and or not they're just pricks and I know I'm fighting a losing battle with this one but I refuse to surrender collapsing a building with explosives is not an implosion an implosion is a very specific scientific phenomenon the collapsing of a building with explosives is the collapsing of a building with explosives the explosives explode and the building collapses inwardly that is not an implosion it is an inward collapsing of a building followed by a series of smaller explosions designed to make it collapse inwardly period fuck you

Info

Channel: AMP3083

Views: 2,650,940

Rating: 4.8397422 out of 5

Keywords: alan, watts, eckhart, tolle, jiddu, krishnamurti, spirituality, philosophy, universe, science, religion, atheism, catholicism, inc, foundation, iglesia, ni, cristo, giving, media, review, face, the, truth, stories, of, faith, that's, in, bible, message, felix, manalo, erano, eduardo, church, christ, bill, hicks, comedian, comedy, george carlin, english, language, speaking english, learning english, how to speak english

Id: bn9elWR13Z4

Channel Id: undefined

Length: 7min 18sec (438 seconds)

Published: Thu May 19 2016

Reddit Comments

All those people in the youtube comments writing replies directly to Carlin need to realize that he has been long dead and wouldn't read their comments even if he was still alive.

👍︎︎ 31 👤︎︎ u/[deleted] 📅︎︎ Sep 25 2016 🗫︎ replies

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ovi7uQbtKas

👍︎︎ 15 👤︎︎ u/Duck_President_ 📅︎︎ Sep 25 2016 🗫︎ replies

/r/badlinguistics

👍︎︎ 11 👤︎︎ u/meikyoushisui 📅︎︎ Sep 25 2016 🗫︎ replies

My submarine went too deep and imploded, followed by an explosion. Good thing I was not in it at the time, which would have been a coincidence.

👍︎︎ 8 👤︎︎ u/DiepioFun 📅︎︎ Sep 25 2016 🗫︎ replies

VIDEO	COMMENT
Stephen Fry VS. Grammar nazis	9 -
Stephen Fry Kinetic Typography - Language	2 - original video the one you linked was reposted by some ne'er-do-well
That Mitchell and Webb Look Series 4 - Episode 1 (Grammar Nazi)	1 - That Mitchell and Webb Look Series 4 - Episode 1 (Grammar Nazi) [2:17] Be careful with your grammar and pronunciation if you want to survive the boardroom! welshgit inEntertainment 774,551viewssinceJul2010 botinfo