George Carlin- "Everyday Expressions"

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thank you thank you you know we have a lot of expressions in the English language that we use all the time most of all of us use them every day and we never seem to examine them very closely you know we just say them as if they really made sense like legally drunk what was legal was the problem leave the guy alone he's legally drunk you know where you can stick it you hear that thanks guys you know where you can stick that but why do we always assume everyone knows where they can stick it suppose you don't know suppose your new guy you have absolutely no idea where to stick it I think there ought to be a government booklet and title where to stick it now that I think of it I believe there is a booklet like that they sent it to you when you complain about your income tax selling like hotcakes well is this the fastest selling item we could think of for this figure of speech hotcakes beer cigarettes coffee even eggs you go to the average place where people are ordering breakfast you'll find a lot more people ordering eggs and ordering hotcakes but doesn't sound right does it Michael Jackson's new album is selling like eggs people don't say that doesn't have the right ring to it undisputed heavyweight champion well if it's undisputed what's all of fighting about to me that's the last straw that one doesn't seem fair to me you know I think you oughta warn a guy first that's the next of the last straw let him know he's running out of straws down the pike boy he was the meanest guy ever to come down the pike fine what about guys who come up the pike not everybody lives north of the pike some guys come up the pike and they really mean there's nobody mentions them at all what about a guy don't even use the pike comes on Amtrak he was the meanest guy ever to arrive on Amtrak doesn't have that rings like eggs down the tubes he hid out a lot especially last couple of years people say or the country is really going down the tubes what tubes have you seen any tubes where it is - where do they go and how come there's more than one tube it seemed to me one country one tube what is every state all of a sudden have to have its own tube now one tube is all you need but tube that big somebody would have seen it by now somebody would have said hey Joey look at the tube you never hear that you know white milk loops takes the cake or he really takes the cake where where do you take a cake to the movies you know I would take a cake down to the bakery to see the other cakes and how come he takes the cake how come you don't take the pie pie is easier to carry than a cake easy as pie cake is not too hard to carry either piece of cake out walking the streets he hit us what a murderer gets paroled from prison I'll say now instead of being in prison this guy is out walking the streets how do we know that he's home watching TV not every guy gets the parole right is out walking the streets sometimes they take a bus occasionally they steal a car you want to be glad thank god he stole a car least he's not out walking the streets fine and dandy that's an old-fashioned one you know I said oh my god how are you he's just fine and dandy not me I never say that you know why I'm never bought those things at the same time sometimes I'm fine not dandy close the dandy approaching dandy in the vicinity of dandy hood not quite dandy other times I am indeed dandy not fine one time 1965 August for about an hour I was both fine and dandy at the same time nobody asked me how I was the riot act you know you hear that there tell you're gonna keep telling you're gonna read you the riot act especially when you were kids you later your father comes home he's gonna read you the riot act tell him I read it myself I didn't like it either I consider it wordy and poorly thought-out he wants to read me something how about the big picture book a 250 sexual intercourse positions more than happy I'll bet you say that one you say somebody oh I'd be more than happy to do that how can you be more than happy to me that sounds like a dangerous mental condition we had to put Dave in the mental home he was more than happy last one in your own words people say that you all the time and say what tell us in your own words do you have your own words how do using the ones everybody else is using next time they tell you to say something you're all words say Nick flat blarney cuando Fleur

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Channel: doctrDave

Views: 3,403,200

Rating: 4.9080367 out of 5

Keywords: comedy, stand-up, expressions, slang, sayings

Id: hHhYLJMi7CE

Channel Id: undefined

Length: 6min 29sec (389 seconds)

Published: Sat Jul 04 2009

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