Rodney Dangerfield - The Tonight Show

my next guest loves to perform Lucar because he loves audiences he has his own nightclub in New York City called appropriately Dangerfield he doesn't get any respect there he's currently appearing at the Tropicana Hotel in Las Vegas where he gets no respect he keeps coming back here and we are keeping the thing going he gets no respect here here would you welcome mr. Rodney Dangerfield what and I tell you I can use a good crowd you know great help me forget Las Vegas I'm going broke over there I mean Vegas you gotta go bro they got slot machines although even in supermarkets how about a dozen eggs cost me four and forty two dollars I'll tell you I'm never lucky at gambling you know I was in a game show I won a 20 day cruise never you to triangle I'll tell you I mean nothing works out you know I'm still heavy I can't lose any weight now last week I went nuts I tried the rice diet between meals kept folding my shirts and my doctor he don't help either he told me to run five miles a day for two weeks I called him up I said doc I'm 70 miles from my house what a doctor well one time I saw they gave me sleeping pills he told me to take him whenever I wake up and I saw my dentist too another beauty I said don't doc look at my teeth they're all getting yellow he told me to wear a brown necktie I tell you I meet the wrong people that's my trouble like last week I met the Surgeon General he offered me a cigarette alright I'll tell you last who cuz a rough week to me last week I saw my kid in the milkman going through a father and son dinner I tell you my own house I can't relax I got no sex life uh 10 years ago my wife put me on hold what a sex life with a dog he's watching me in a bedroom once a learn how to beg my dog that's another one he taught my wife to roll over and play dead I tell you I never had any luck with animals either you know and I was a kid in my sandbox the cat kept covering me up okay when I was a kid I got no respect at all you know they always made me take the family picture and that way I wouldn't be in it my own man he didn't help either kept taking me to the zoo he said he was hoping my real parents would claim me it's the same thing today I don't get no respect from anyone well Karl Malden stole my traveler's checks I'll tell you I can't take it no more I find out the one he was my family make a sequel to roots I want to call it finalized gruffly people are cleared I thank you for your business is exciting isn't it it's a rimshot yeah your whole life is one big rig finish uh yes uh what everything is okay don't you look in proper counters okay everything's going well there good show the girl singers great let me Joey English very good senior - yeah and and danger feels okay David fries there everything is fine in fact right now I'm looking forward to a very exciting new venture huh what's not definite she just moved to my building I did know that now the things are real in fact last we got an offer to work another Hotel Las Vegas yeah Circus Circus oh there's a bad dealer I got to bring my own net you know well it's always a pleasure to be here I mean people are nice so you treat me right you know I did another talk show I got no respect at all I mean it was my turn to sit down I wouldn't move over I get some rough days Johnny rough day yeah well some days I start drinking early I tell you right oh boy the other night in Las Vegas at AI got loaded on what I'm doing I played dice I lost a thousand bucks I got even though I stole 400 sweet'n lows I'm a drinking's bad Johnny upstairs oh good I gotta watch my health that's what's important health Johnny's everything hell I mean I'm getting old I'm gonna kidney more I know I'm getting old on Vegas I played a slot machine three prunes came up no I got no no I can't get girls knee more you kiddin tougher now at my age you become a hooky you you got old was tough to get girls talking up the best thing to be is bisexual then you got a shot on everybody I'm in bad shape bad shape yeah drinkin eatin tooked heroin Radian and well the other day I had a fight with a midget he put me out of commission Wow yeah he ran through my legs throwing punches like not easy not easy you can't trust doctors either they're all mixed up you think oh my proctologist used to be a photographer yeah he took x-rays told me to bend over and say cheese piggy now but my friend dr. vinny boombots anyways okay the good - got mixed up at all he knows what he's doing every minute no he's busy busy riding riding he doing some a new book just came out of big book yeah I love story I'm doing all about a girl who had a wild romance with an architect what - come on the book is in Tyler she fell in love with his high-rise 2deep 2deep anyway now I love his importance OD blind dates you know good old blind dates in trouble at landing oh I had one blind date the girl showed up she had pigtails under her arm under there's a lot of sexy girls around earlier I met a sexy girl a few weeks ago working a restaurant making hamburgers she told me she to make a big boy in three minutes and a boy big in two minutes now you meet girls so you can't believe him you can't put that question on I was with one girl she said I don't do this normally I said it's all right a little weird myself here you gotta have the right woman boy that's the end that I write woman why you make love to the right woman Johnny it's beautiful beautiful I mean the last time I made love to my wife it was ridiculous nothing was happening I looked right so what's the matter can't you think of anyone either that's enough talk about section okay I paid over here is sex with sex I've had it up to here yeah not lately though yeah well it's nice to know things are going just well it really is mixed up as ever yeah boys good to see it there's always a pleasure to be here you're gonna stay out in California for a while there you go right back I go right back I got a lift in a pickup truck back to the airport then I sit right back and I work tonight do a show there tonight - no a night yeah I'm working in tonight I plan to go back there and see what happens yeah what fun you didn't see it pleasure to be here okay nice ed here always nice to end on a low note we stopped with the big one we'll be right back after this

Channel: metax

Views: 4,385,308

Rating: 4.7952776 out of 5

Keywords:

Id: FVQB9N__pdc

Length: 8min 59sec (539 seconds)

Published: Sat Nov 30 2013

Reddit Comments

[u/smythbdb]

Man this really makes me want to rewatch Caddy shack. My favorite scene with Dangerfield

[u/willdogs]

TIL Rodney had OCD