Hey guys welcome back, thanks for joining me this week I wanted to create a video this week because I Have been getting a ton of really the same questions, and it's really about boundaries So you know when we started talking about emotional abuse? and we started kind of diving into that and I know I've touched on narcissism before and how to Spot whether or not someone is narcissistic and just really learning how to love yourself and protect yourself from abuse One of the things that is just a common theme with people that are coming out of these types of relationships is You know what if I can't go no contact. What if it's a friend. What if it's a family member What if it's a co-worker you know how do I deal with this type of person? Even though I'm trying to distance myself from this person really the question that keeps coming up is how do I create? Boundaries like how do I have a really strong boundary? How do I know how to how do I enforce a boundary? What do I do when someone doesn't respect the boundary that I'm put that I'm trying to put into place And it was just a theme that I've been getting over the last couple weeks And so I definitely wanted to kind of make a video and address it and give you guys some Things to really consider when you're trying to learn how to establish your boundaries You know create your standards in life and how to enforce these boundaries when you're dealing with someone who's a difficult person so as always thank you guys for tuning in and don't forget to click on the subscribe button below and don't forget to click on the Notification bell that way you can be informed each week when I do upload a new video with a new topic I'm also gonna put all of my social media down there if you guys are interested in following And if you're interested on one-on-one coaching, I will link all of that information in the description box below But let's get right into this week's video so if you're trying to create boundaries with someone There's one of two things that are probably happening either You're the type of person that has never had boundaries with people or you know, maybe even a little codependent Maybe you've been a people pleaser. Maybe you've really cared what others think of you, and you've just kind of Conformed to whatever it is people expect You and you never knew how to create that bubble that I like to call around yourself to help protect yourself You've you know never had standards or boundaries, or you're dealing with someone who is extremely difficult so a toxic person unhealthy narcissist like just emotional abuse or anyone who is a really really toxic and Difficult person to deal with this is the person that does not respect boundaries whatsoever This is the person that is going to push and push to get what they want out of you or out of others So this is not an easy person to deal with and I always think it's funny because the difficult people in life seek out the weak people and it's the weak people who are Supposed to learn these lessons from these people right so everyone our life is either a teacher Everyone is either a teacher or student so if you're coming in contact with someone who is extremely difficult to work with or You know someone who's toxic or you're in a relationship with someone who's a? Narcissist that person is there to teach you something even though what you're experiencing is pain and it's heartache and You're struggling and you're just you know to deal with this person that person really is there in your life to teach you a lesson So if you are you know mindful enough of this stuff you will go into these interactions not with anger or any kind of emotion of being overly emotional irrational with this person and getting defensive You'll actually be able to take a step back and say okay, how what in this relationship? Am I supposed to be learning? How can I grow from this relationship, so if you're dealing with a difficult person? Chances are this person is really here to teach you how? to stand up for yourself how to enforce boundaries how to love yourself enough that you can enforce your boundaries with others And you don't feel any guilt you don't take on anyone else's projections You just know your own self-worth you know what you want, and you're able to communicate that and a very tactful respectful not emotional way So one of the first things that I tell all of my clients are to help anyone if they're struggling with boundaries This is something that they never learned growing up. They never learned how to enforce boundaries and quite frankly It scares them and to do this the first thing you have To do is you have to know what are your standards? So what are the things that you expect in a relationship? If you don't know what something is if you don't if you don't deem something disrespectful Then you're going to be disrespected if you don't know what your boundaries are then you're gonna allow people to take advantage of you so knowing your standards is really really huge and A lot of the time when I talk about self love and learning how to love yourself It's because if you don't love yourself. You don't have standards. You don't have boundaries You don't know what's acceptable and what's not acceptable, so that's like Self-care self-love 101 is you have to know what it is you desire or you? Expect in a relationship out of someone else and this may seem really Really basic and simple to a lot of people But the fact of the matter is a lot of people don't have standards and a lot of people You know don't know what they expect out of relationships They just take whatever comes along and when you are at that place where you're taking whatever comes along Then you're going to be abused you're going to be taken advantage of and you're never gonna know when someone is actually crossing the line and Violating your boundary one of the things that I always tell people is if you don't really know what your standards are Then you have to go off of how you feel when you just focus on yourself And you learn how to love yourself you will quickly know when someone is Disrespecting you you will know when someone is violating a boundary You will know when someone's trying to take advantage of you And you won't stand for it because you love yourself enough to know That if you had to lose people in your life that you would be okay So a lot of the times with people that have poor boundaries They are you know weak or people in the sense that they're the people pleasers? They're the codependent people They're the people that don't think that they would be okay if they lost someone from their life a lot of the times when we're afraid to set a standard it's because we don't want to be looked at as a Difficult person as someone that has too high of standards Because in the past when we probably tried to set a boundary We've come in contact with the people that tell us that we're too sensitive You know that we make a big deal out of everything etc etc And we took on that shame we took on on that projection we took on that Manipulation like whatever it is so we then Doubted what we actually wanted and we conform to or we allowed someone to abuse us and to manipulate us so We wouldn't no longer have those standards or those boundaries in our life when you really really love yourself You don't take on projection you don't take on guilt you don't take on shame you don't take on manipulation You know when someone's doing that stuff to you. That's why I always say Learning how to love yourself is Absolutely crucial in life to get anything you want to have healthy relationships Because you're ultimately teaching people you know how you want to be treated and educating yourself on what? Abuse looks like if you can do those two things you are absolutely golden so in order to create boundaries the first thing is you have to know your standards and Relationships the next thing is communication So you have to be able to communicate Your boundary and your standard in life with every single person in your life and again the conversation The way we communicate is going to be different depending on who the person is, but you have to be able to communicate What it is that you expect from? Someone that wants to be in your life, and you have to be able to do it in a way that it's not aggressive It's not angry. You know it's not coming from that ego place. It's coming from just love which is look I Love myself, and I want you to be in my life, but if you want to be in my life This is kind of where you need to meet me out This is what I expect just as the bare minimum in terms of respect courtesy love etc For someone to be in my life, and when you approach people in that way Really healthy people will a hundred percent Respect your boundary and the people that don't and keep kind of crossing that line or toeing on that line between Respect and disrespect they're going to eventually fall off as long as you keep this standard up Which is I don't accept anything less than this When we're able to communicate what we want or what we expect out of others That is self empowering and I'll tell you that we'll a hundred percent build confidence in yourself And that is really what self-love is about it's about being able to communicate who you are what you think how much you love yourself? you know what you deem is disrespect and respect to others in a way that is loving and Not coming from an ego or coming from anger or anything like that So we've all been in discussions or arguments or fights or whatever with someone or maybe even done It ourselves where we're coming from this anger place. We're just approaching this person, and we're trying to attack We're trying to tell them like who we are and then like this is disrespectful and etc etc Instead of point-blank saying this is what I expect and if it doesn't happen This is the consequence of it not happening when you approach life in that way number one it feels amazing number two you're not taking on any of that negativity you're just staying in that space of saying my Vibration is the most important And I am NOT bringing myself down to anyone's level because there's really no need all I need to do is just really communicate my standards in a loving way that is self loving to myself and When you're able to do that and the more you do it the easier it does get and again like I've always said Someone will either meet you where you're at or they'll well And if they fall you love yourself enough to know that that's okay that your life is not gonna End if someone leaves your world no matter who that person is whether it's a spouse Whether it's a parent. Whether it's a friend Whether it's an aunt to sister someone that you've known for thirty years or 50 years That you love yourself enough to know that you know what maybe we're at the point in time where that relationship Needed to end and it's not that we don't love that person or care whether or not that person leaves our life of course we do, but we wish them well and We hope the best for them And there's no l will and we just know that we that our our happiness is more important than anything else So when you get to that place? That's something that will really change your life And I guarantee you unless it's someone who's really severely toxic unhealthy Narcissistic sociopath whatever a lot of people will meet you where you are So the last thing and this is what I get the most from people is what if someone won't respect my boundaries What do I do and it's not an easy thing to say? But ultimately you have to make the decision on whether or not this person should be in your life and again This is not easy stuff If it's a spouse if it's someone we were married to and share children with or have a life together with or a parent where You know we have an expectation that a parent should be something or our best friend should be something or an uncle should be something and They maybe were at one point in time and now they're not You know people come into our lives at different times for different reasons and some people I'm sure we've all heard this stay for a lifetime and others don't and you have to be able to Accept that in life, and if you're living a life where you're just unhappy and miserable when you around this person You have to determine Like whether or not someone who won't respect your boundaries. You know why is that person even allowed to be in your life? How is that even a healthy relationship, and how is that making you feel you know if that's something That's just constantly bringing you down That's something that you really have to decipher whether or not you want this person in your life So it's one thing to learn how to compromise with someone But I think we all know if you listen to your intuition you know when you're no longer Compromising little things you know hey You know can you just not nag at me about putting my laundry in the hamper or whatever to something really minor? Versus something that is really it's hurtful. It's just hurtful and it's disrespectful, and it's not okay for This relationship to go on the difference is when you're compromising your never ever Abandoning who you are and what your core values Are and beliefs and standards are so when we begin to abandon ourself? That's when we're allowing behavior to happen that we know is Blatant disrespect is someone that a hundred percent is not Validating us is not understanding us. Maybe that it doesn't have empathy for us, so You know right away when you're beginning to abandon yourself because you feel like you're almost Giving a part of yourself to someone else and you feel empty you feel alone. You don't feel understood when you start feeling those feelings That's when you're starting to abandon yourself and give either give too much to someone else or really Just letting your standards go entirely and not having that self-love or self care to stand up for yourself So what do we do when someone doesn't respect our boundary? Well there has to be a consequence, and I think a lot of the time where people struggle with boundaries is not always enforcing the boundary or communicating the standard or things like that it's the consequence and the consequence is because I Don't want to be alone. You know maybe you have an insecurity of I don't want to be alone What if I can't find another partner and you're telling yourself this negative story, that's really just an assumption Or a limiting belief that you have That's creating this like negative dialogue. You know or I don't want someone to think that my standards are too high I don't want someone to think that you know maybe I'm just asking for too much You don't want to be deemed as that person that you know is just asking too much of others You've just learned throughout your life probably from either parents or people that were around you that when you had a standard that it wasn't respected and You learn to make excuses for other people's behavior And that's something that I see a lot is people just making excuses for other people people that are making those excuses and downplaying how important their standards are and just saying you know maybe I was just Overreacting a little bit or maybe this and they're just making excuses Constantly when instead being so confident and so self loving and what it is that you want in a relationship? Or that you what your standards are in relationships to say. This is what I want, and if you can't meet me here That's okay. You know peace be with you and love and light and all as well there's no hatred, but you can't be in my life then and Loving yourself enough to know that as long as I'm constantly doing that Setting those standards and having that amount of self-love and confidence in myself you will always attract People that are good people that are meant to be in your life I know for me personally when I got to a place where I started kind of cleaning house And I took a real inventory of who was I surrounding myself with and started saying you know what I think this relationship it needs to fall off now because it's not serving me the way I would want a really this relationship to serve me or This friendship or this you know Relationship with a family member or whatever I allowed Space to open up in my life for really good people And I can honestly say everyone in my life right now are people that are incredibly kind incredibly loving and I have surrounded myself with people that are absolutely amazing and that support me and are just fabulous people so But that couldn't have happened if I had kept all of these people you know in my life that Shouldn't be there because they were taking a space for a person that really Should be in my life. That's good for me, and that's good to me, and I'm good to them and the relationship Just flows really naturally and easily so When someone doesn't respect your boundaries really? There's just three things that you can do you can either say? This relationship needs to end and I'm going no contact with someone you can say you know. I love you I love you from afar Yeah, especially when it's a family member and someone that you are going to see from time to time You know or someone that you? Work with perhaps like I love you from afar and learn how to distance yourself from people which is saying okay? I'm not gonna. You know do everything that this person asked me. I'm gonna create some distance with this person I don't need to talk to this person all the time I love you from afar and really protecting yourself first and foremost or you keep going with Setting your standards and seeing whether or not someone can meet you where you are those are really the only things that you can do and they're not easy decisions to make when you get to the place where you Think you know what I think I might need to cut someone on my life that That's not a good feeling that you know no one wants to do that we want the relationship to be What it was at one point? But you have to accept that it's not and I think when you accept people for who they are and what they're capable of You don't have any anger or hatred or anything towards someone and you can actually let them go with a lot of love and a lot of just acceptance and the other part of Going, no contact or letting someone go from your life is like I said It's not an easy thing to do and this is where you have to parent yourself through this you know Accept that your hearts broken that you have to let someone. Go you know accept that you're sad that you're losing this Relationship with this person that you once had Amazing times with I mean it's really and truly a death in some way Because you're letting go of something something's leaving your life And that's not an easy thing to do so boundaries is something that it's definitely not easy to do but I think when you really practice how to love yourself and You know that no matter who comes and goes in your life that you are absolutely okay that you've managed this before and you'll do it again and The excitement of knowing that while someone might have to leave your life, you're creating space for someone amazing to enter it That's a great feeling and it's a hopeful feeling and as long as you keep telling yourself that story You won't get wrapped up in the story of you know maybe my standards are too high Or you know maybe I expect too much out of people and things like that You'll just know no what I'm expected is what I want in a relationship, and I deserve that So I hope that this video has really helped you guys out there understand boundaries a little bit better please give this video a thumbs up if you liked it and don't forget to leave any comments in the comment section below and I will see you next week
