How to Make a Narcissist GO AWAY! Starve them of their supply - Stephanie Lyn Coaching

hey guys welcome back thank you for joining me for another video so this week I want to talk about how to starve a narcissist and make them just go away so a lot of times we have relationships with people whether it's a romantic relationship whether it's a friendship whether it's family member and we want to figure out how do we actually end this relationship and not just end it but what are the things that we're gonna have to do to make sure that we're really protecting ourselves from this person so a lot of what we're gonna talk about in this video is really how to get this person to leave you alone so depending on the type of a narcissist you can be dealing with someone who is very manipulative who's very abusive probably dabbles in a little bit of everything in terms of emotional abuse but most abusers tend to use one or two maybe even three tactics the most so in this video I'm gonna give you four tips on how to starve this person so they will find you completely uninterested and leave you alone now like always before we get into this week's video if you have not already subscribed to this channel don't forget to click on the subscribe button down below don't forget to also give this video a thumbs up at the end if you do have any questions in terms of coaching I always link all of that information underneath all of my videos so if you are interested in doing probably coaching with me I have an online coaching program so you can do that at the convenience of your own home at your own pace I have courses on boundaries or if you just want like a one-time individual session you know you just need some clarity you just need some answers regarding something that you're going through click the link below and you can find out all the information there now one of the first things that you absolutely have to do in order to start this person now what are you trying to starve them from you're trying to starve them from narcissistic supply so if you've kind of realized hey something is off with this person you know maybe you've been googling maybe even research and maybe even watching videos maybe you've been reading articles and you're like I really feel like this person has MPD or definitely has some kind of traits because there's something going on in this relationship that just doesn't feel right and you're ready to start like detaching a little bit from this person or perhaps you're dealing with someone whether you're co-parenting whether you're working with this and they're just extremely relentless abusive and you just want that energy to just go away right like just leave me alone like go live your life and find someone else to kind of harass and bother and have it just not be me so one of the first things we always have to do and this is just you know narcissism 101 in terms of how to protect yourself is to go no contact now if you are not the person who is discarded then going no contact can be a little tricky in the sense that you're going to almost expect the hoovering to come shortly after the reason why going no contact and just kind of completely removing yourself from this person is essential is because like any supply and like any addiction you're completely cutting off the addiction you're cutting off the supply that you are to this person now when you do that you're gonna feel great but the other person is gonna go through these periods of like I said hoovering or possibly even giving backlash where they go into a narcissistic rage because maybe you're not behaving the way they need you to behave they want you to behave if you were the one that was discarded then this is actually a little easy to do it obviously if you're co-parenting with someone then it's completely different but I'll give you steps later on in terms of that but going no contact it has to absolutely be the number one thing and sometimes they feel like it's hard to get there for people especially when it's friends that we've had for a long time or family members because we have this expectation on who this person should be in our life and to completely remove this person from your life to remove a parent to remove a sister there's a huge process that you have to go through in order for you to really come to that decision right there's a lot of acceptance there's a lot of grief or grieving that you have to do for you to really like I said except that the relationship is probably never gonna be what you want it to be because this person is incapable of having the relationship that you would like to have with them now really going no contact is it's just the essential thing to do because what it does is it gives you space to start working on yourself to start healing and chances are if you've been cohabitating or had to deal with this person for a long period of time there's gonna be some damage there there's gonna be some some pretty deep scars that you have to really tend to and heal in order for you to really start to feel better and you can't do that when this person is constantly in your life and you're constantly um you know they're constantly picking at the scab you have to kind of leave it alone in order for it to really heal now the next thing is if you have to contact this person or be in contact with them in any way shape or form this is probably the most powerful thing because obviously it's super easy we can just hey let's end this relationship and I don't want to be with you anymore and it's easy for me to fight off the hoovering and you pretending to be the healthiest person in the world and you promising that all this stuff is gonna change if I'm really set in I don't want to be in this relationship then that might be easy to fight off it may not also be easy to fight off if you really want to believe that this person can change and that's when projection really starts coming into play here so if the no contact thing is not something that can happen where you're gonna have to deal with them on some fronts even if it is a family member at some point time you may see them at a birthday a wedding a holiday you know a funeral things like that and you want to be able to handle yourself in a healthy way because you don't want to live life always trying to avoid people you also want to get to a place where you are healthy yourself where if you do come in contact with someone that is abusive or an healthy toxic that you know how to take care of yourself in those situations and that's probably the most important thing we don't want to go no contact we're we're just constantly running away from really the stuff that this person is trying to teach you on some level about yourself and order and how to really rise up and for you to learn how to kind of stand on your own truth or stick up for yourself or not have a fear of confrontation or set boundaries or enforce boundaries there's always good that comes of a bad situation so if you can look at this person is what is this person trying to teach me all the abuse all the backlash all of the anger and frustration and manipulation and gaslighting all stuff that they've thrown at me over a period of time what is it that I need to learn about myself because this person has been in my life right so use this situation for good in order for you to really grow and heal but like I said if you can't go no contact this is probably one of the I don't want to say one of the hardest things but it's definitely one of the things that you yourself have to start working on and it's having no emotion so being able to interact with this person and you can call it gray rock you can call it having no emotion you can call it responding versus reacting just basically you being very blah to what this person does and what this person says now on some fronts part of that can be really easy to do and part of it can be really hard to do because when you are speaking or dealing with another adult you see them as an adult you don't see what really is going on behind the surface which is this is just a very emotionally immature little girl or little boy who doesn't know how to handle themselves and because of all the insecurities and how much they're actually not happy inside and how much mental illness is actually going on underneath the surface all you see is this adult so you think hey you're supposed to act accordingly you're supposed to act like any other normal healthy adult would act and the way you're behaving is completely wrong and inappropriate and not fair and so we tend to get frustrated and this is where the emotion starts to come into play and this is where if you're not careful you look like the crazy one you look like the problem you look like you know the person in the family that is causing all the drama and is erratic and this is where the narcissist has all these people behind them believing all of these stories maybe about you when that's not even the case at all you know that I know that but the problem is is that the way you handle this person really kind of sets the tone for your interaction on whether or not they continue to bully you and and kind of go after you or whether or not they realize all right look every time I try to do this to this person to hurt them on some level I'm not getting what I want out of this right they're actually just mature and they're handling it the right way and and they're holding on to themselves and they're confident and they're not reacting to me remember a narcissistic supply is not just hey you make the narcissus feel like the best man or woman and you put them on a pedestal and they can do no wrong it's also negative it's also the drama it's also the reactivity it's also oh look I got to you so it's negative supply and positive supply and a narcissist sometimes needs both so this approach being no emotion responding versus reacting going gray rock this is really where you regain all of your power because what you're doing in that moment is you're really starving the narcissist it's one thing to go no contact because that person is gonna eventually just find someone else especially if you were the one that was discarded from the relationship chances are they already did find someone else but when you are able to actually engage with this person and not give them what it is that they really are craving from you or need from you or want from you that is number one it's empowering number two it gives you practice in in order to learn how to really stand up for yourself it allows you you know the spiritual aspect to understand that this is a child I'm dealing with and just like any child I'm not gonna give them floor them and start having a tantrum with them when they have a tantrum I'm gonna be the adult self loving adult to handle the situation accordingly that doesn't mean that we don't set boundaries and disengage from people but what it does mean is I don't come from an emotional erratic place when you do things to try to trigger me now that ability to be no you know no emotion to be not emotional it takes practice especially when you're dealing with someone who you know has possibly hurt you in the past or has done the wrong thing in the past or acts completely childish and erratic and you know some of the things that they do you're just like what is going on here I'm the healthy adult and you're behaving like a toddler so yes it can be hard at times but look at every interaction with this person you're being tested so all the work that you do on yourself all the reading of the articles watching the videos you know listening to podcasts trying to get yourself into a good space this is now where you're being tested so why would we say like welcome the test welcome the interaction with this person don't always try to avoid the test because you really never learn the lesson you really never change the behavior within yourself one of the biggest things with no emotions and this is the third thing is really having short short responses because we can at times we can't go no contact we can't never speak to this person again we have to interact with that on some level and so being able to engage with someone but stay to the point have it be non emotional and we're not over explaining ourselves we're not saying too much we're just sticking to these short short sentences I will say that was probably one of the biggest things that really helped me was and this was my ability to really hold on to myself because sometimes it was you know habitual for me to just want to react and I could feel the anger coming up on what someone was doing or what someone was saying but being able to say these short sentences the way you're speaking to me is not okay and now I'm leaving this conversation this is how I feel and I'm sorry that you feel that way it's okay that you don't agree with me you can think however you want of me you know those short sentences and repeating them over and over again you know I understand that you feel this way but we're talking about this right now so let's just stay on this topic and when you start to see because you're gonna you're dealing with a really childish person you're dealing with someone who's emotionally immature when you have short responses that have no emotion to them your going to see any abuser just fall apart because they're again they're not getting what it is they really want from you and so now you start to see really more erratic behavior because it sometimes gets worse before it gets better because they're used to a certain person and when you start to change who you are and you start to change your approach and how you handle this person they're not gonna like that they're gonna be like who are you you're not the person that I've always dealt with you're actually just you're not giving me anything and they're gonna get really really frustrated and that's where you're gonna have to hold on to yourself even more but you'll snow in the midst of this interaction that it's working because you'll start to feel like I feel something empowered I got this I got this because you're gonna see this adult just start to crumble because again they're not getting what they want so when you start to get more backlash when you start to getting the nasty comments or things that they're saying or doing hurtful things or whatever it is just know that that's the tantrum basically you can't get offended or hurt every time they throw a backlash at you because you can see that's just them falling apart because they're losing control they're losing that supply the last thing when you really want to start a narcissist to have them just completely leave you alone and when I tell you I don't depending on what you're going through and I know a lot of you are going through many different types of relationships with these types of people it a thousand percent can happen it really just depends on you and you doing the work the last thing is you cannot go no contact and you have to interact with this person on some level you just want the interactions to be extremely limited so a lot of the times for example with co-parenting they say you know there is no talking to each other there's just email or those texts you know keep the interactions in a place perhaps text perhaps perhaps email where when you get the response back you have a minute to kind of process it and this is really good for people that tend to get overwhelmed in situations I mean use technology for its benefit and texting and e-mailing is absolutely fine just make sure that when you read something that's gonna be hurtful that's gonna annoy you that's gonna tag annoys you that you're able to respond as if it was someone that you worked with this is all business now there's no emotion in it you want to just stick to the points and the points being what do I actually need to respond to on this you don't need to over explain yourself you don't need to convince them at your side of the story allow people especially an abuser allow them to think whatever they want to think of you because I hate to break it to you they're probably never going to agree with you they're always gonna want to go against you because life is a game to these people and it's about winning and losing and so when you immediately even start over explaining yourself or trying to convince someone of your side of the story and that you're right and this is fair you're being unreasonable you now started playing the game and you're always going to lose because you're going toe to toe with someone that has the ability to cut you at your knees and you don't have that ability because you're a good loving kind person and not only that you're just an adult and that's not how you handle interactions so no but no the monster that you're going up against and you don't need to tango in the arena with this person in order for you to really love yourself and feel that ability to be self empowered is your ability to detach emotionally physically mentally maybe even spiritually so I hope that has helped you guys really understand how to get this person to just leave you alone because it a thousand percent can happen you just have to do the work so I hope you guys have liked this if you did don't forget to give it a thumbs up please comment down below on any other type of tactic that you feel has worked for you over the years to get this person to just quit bothering you so I hope you guys have enjoyed this and I'll see you next week

Channel: Stephanie Lyn Coaching

Views: 301,217

Keywords: starve a narcissist, narcissistic abuse, get a narcissist to leave you alone, narcissist and gaslighting, narcissistic abuse recovery program, narcissist discard and new supply, abusive narcissist, abusive narcissistic, healing after narcissistic abuse, narcissistic abuse cycle, i want narcissist to suffer, how to love yourself after emotional abuse, stages of healing after narcissistic abuse, letting go of anger after narcissistic abuse

Id: _5g66eI_NYA

Length: 16min 18sec (978 seconds)

Published: Tue Jul 07 2020