Hey guys before we get into the video just a heads up the video itself was a little messed up And I didn't want to post it this week But the audio and the message was exactly on point so at some point in the video. It's just gonna transition into audio Hey guys welcome back. Thanks for joining me this week so in this week's video I want to talk about narcissism, and I know I've kind of touched on narcissism in a few other videos but in this video I want to specifically talk about the difference between an overt narcissist and a covert narcissist now if you need my channel welcome I'm so glad that you're here don't forget to click on the little subscribe button below and don't forget to also click on the Notification valve so you can be in the loop when I upload my latest video, so let's get right into the Suk's video So let's start off with narcissism Narcissistic personality disorder is actually a spectrum so you can know someone that is slightly Narcissistic that might have a few traits And then you can also know someone who is severely Narcissistic and checks the box across the board and is on the verge of being a sociopath and in this video I want to talk about you know the difference between and over in a covert And there are some people that can kind of check the box in both areas There are some people that tend to have that over at personality And then a lot of covert traits as well so again This isn't really black and white this isn't something that I'm gonna say. This is a narcissist here you go I'm definitely gonna give you tips of traits that a narcissist will have for sure but again It's very gray So some people might have some traits and in an overt and some might have some traits in a covert so first let's start off with an overt narcissist someone who is an overt narcissist is typically what we would look at in narcissism as someone that has that very grandioso personality very self entitled very self-absorbed Makes it very obvious that there are narcissists to everyone in the room even if they don't know themselves they just have that big grand grandiose o personality So when I think of an overt narcissist, I tend to think of a Hitler a Donald Trump. You know Trump Tower Trump playing Everything someone that completely lacks empathy and again very self entitled self-absorbed an overt is very easy to spot like I said a Covert is actually not and in my mind a covert is actually someone who is much more dangerous than an overt Narcissist because the overt Like I said is very obvious like we know that this person is narcissistic they Make it known that they don't have any empathy and that they're very self entitled and that the world revolves around them in their minds but the covert is Completely different now both a covert and overt are looking for narcissistic supply now narcissistic. Supply is basically Surrounding themselves with people that mirror back the false image that they play in their mind that they view of themselves so for an overt I'm Grandiose oh I'm so important. I'm self entitled and they need to surround themselves with people that mirror back Yes, you're amazing. Yes, you're amazing whereas an overt again needs narcissistic Supply the same thing some they're looking for something outside in themselves to basically fill them up and validate themselves But they do it in a different way. They don't have that real Grandioso personality look at me. They actually can be very Shy very vulnerable They can pretend to have a lot of empathy You know these are the people that are labeled as the good guy or you know the good guy in the office or You know the sweet girl all like this these are those people because essentially what they're doing is they're playing a character They're pretending to be something that they're not so they can hook in people that believe that false image of themselves So they can get narcissistic supply from that person so if I pretend to be this amazing human being and you mirror back? That I'm amazing then you're giving me what I need which is narcissistic supply So a covert narcissist like I said can be very shy can be very vulnerable Can be very emotional someone it can also be someone that very much plays the victim, so this is the person that you know what was me like this always happens to me the world's against me and they Portray this story as to why something bad has happened to them and blames everyone else except for themselves They don't take any accountability or responsibility for their own actions Which cause them to be in the situation that they're in? Instead what they do is they sit and they play the victim and they tell this false story to anyone that'll listen About how you know they got mistreated And how this situation happened to them and the world's always against them they did nothing wrong, and they're just the victim and everything That's what they do That's the game that they play to portray this person that they're actually really not when in reality the reason why he's being overly Sensitive or overly emotional is not because he's being vulnerable or he really cares and he has like deep feelings He again is just playing this character There's actually two things that can happen with a covert Narcissist that tends to be overly emotional the first thing that you have to remember with this is They actually are emotionally immature Which means growing up? They didn't learn how to process their emotions so they Project a lot onto people the inner wounds that they have within themselves So they might get really really upset with you about something and almost overly emotional about it When in fact it has nothing to do with that thing they're projecting a past wound onto you They actually never learn the emotional intelligence that normal healthy people Learned growing up so instead they just become so sensitive about A situation that has happened to them and this is where they feed off of that emotion and play that victim role and if you listen to the story And you and you buy the story essentially which is easy to buy because a lot of them the information in the story is missing they're not taking responsibility for their part in the story that caused them to be the victim and They're portraying this false story, so people will think there the victim and give them narcissistic supply so the covert is very Very much looks like the good guy very much looks like the sweet girl They do everything in their power to portray this image of themselves Most coverts can tend to have little bouts of depression at times within themselves They won't obviously tell anyone that they're feeling depressed But they definitely will have points of feeling this depression because they're suppressing the fact that they feel inadequate Not enough, they don't love themselves, and they're looking for it They're looking for that validation and love outside of themselves And if they're not getting enough narcissistic supply they can then tend to feel depressed because they don't know how to Basically take care of themselves and love themselves and do what they need to do for themselves to make them a whole and happy person Because these people feel so empty inside and are constantly looking for stuff outside of themselves they definitely have you know abuse problems whether that's You know FOMO fear of missing out or drinking or drugs or? Gambling or just any kind of an addiction because they're trying to fill again They're trying to fill that void within themselves that emptiness within themselves so a covert narcissist is essentially Brainwashing people they're doing this because they want you to think that they're amazing So you'll give them what they're craving you'll give them supply. You'll give them attention. You'll give them Love you'll give them validation So these are the people that will you know pretend like they're this amazing parent or this amazing citizen or? you know someone that works in the office that's always willing to help out and lend a hand because they they're not doing it for genuine reasons And this is why this person is so dangerous to spot is because there are so many people that We can probably think of in our mind that we look at and we're like I think that guy is a really great guy or that girls like so sweet And she's so amazing and in fact. They could very well be a covert narcissist now We don't walk around life and think that everyone that is doing something nice has an agenda, or is you know? Narcissistic or anything like that because over time the mask falls off they can't live in this fake reality of pretending to be something that they're not and unfortunately when the mask comes off it's not something that takes a couple days sometimes they can take months and years of You know being around a person for you all of a sudden to realize wow you're not actually who you pretended to be So this is why especially when we're dating it takes time to get to know someone because in the very beginning We're all putting our best face forward We're always you know being the best version of ourselves and it's not until Time passes that we really see who someone really is and a covert narcissist cannot play This perfect you know good guy or good girl role forever and ever they're going to pretend in the beginning to be You know a great citizen and very respectful of women and and you know the good girl in the office That's so sweet and caring always doing these things for other people, but over time they cannot withstand That image and when the math starts to fade is actually when you have bought into the lie So when you start buying into the lie or this false image that they're portraying of themselves That's when they slowly start taking the mask off because they know that they got you They know that you love them that you believe them that you trust them and you're now Vulnerable to them and that's when the math starts to fade So that's why I always tell people especially when they're dating is you know look out for these? traits in a narcissist whether it's over to covert and But even that you still have to just give yourself time to let a person show you who they really are Again actions speak louder than words and over time the covert narcissists actions their actions Will change they'll not be the way they were in the beginning. That's just who they are that's where the abuse of these people starts to happen so a narcissist can be anyone it can be your mother your brother a Co-worker a friend a cousin you know a partner So for dating when we're dating here are a couple of tidbits on how to spot a covert in our success So for a man a guy that is very quick to get into a relationship Very you know says all of these amazing things right off the bat is very romantic right in the beginning a Charmer someone that's incredibly charming tends to be someone who's narcissistic because a guy that's healthy and whole and Doesn't is not narcissistic? Yes, of course he's gonna be romantic and he's gonna be charming and he's gonna be respectful And he's gonna be all of these things But he's gonna show you that stuff over time because he's not gonna give that to you right off the bat Because he doesn't know you and it's the same thing for a woman. You know you could have this Amazing healthy woman who would be a great wife a great spouse a great mother She's a lovely human being But you're not gonna see that right in the very beginning because she's just gonna be a little cautious because she's getting to know you That's healthy dating When we're not healthy is when the man is just very charming moves very fast in the beginning You know writing all of these amazing letters, and you're the one and I finally met you And it's just really really soon in the relationship for that kind of talk and for a woman you know that covert Narcissistic woman will be very sexual so you know the covert narcissist in dating They always give you what they think? The either the woman or the man is looking for so most women are looking for if you're unhealthy Are looking for that you know white knight? That's gonna. Come in and save the day and just be this amazing love story romance and and things of that Whereís and you know telling me that I'm I'm the one and I'm his soul mates and saying all of these things that We as women have been brainwashed to think that that's what symbolizes true love And for a man a woman who's narcissistic is gonna give you what you want, so she's gonna Make you feel like a man, and she's gonna be very sexual with you, and and she's gonna You know just always be doing all these amazing things in the very beginning again They're playing this role of fantasy and the fantasy doesn't last forever and like I said over time the mass will fade away So when we're dating you know if a guy is being romantic it doesn't mean he's narcissistic Obviously, but intuitively you will know when someone's moving a little too fast And I don't know any woman that has dated a narcissist that didn't say in the very beginning Yeah it was going a little fast and But I just got wrapped him wrapped up in this world win of romance that I just kind of let it play out Instead of being healthy and whole by themselves to say while all of this is just very lovely It's not something that I need at this moment in time I like to take steps to get to know you and know that you are a good person And then we can start this romance and and all of these other things It's so funny too because I had a girlfriend once who dated a narcissist that was He definitely had a lot of covert traits. He definitely was probably the black sheep of the family Definitely you know Was the funny guy and always joking around and had a little bit of that grandioso personality completely lacked empathy Completely self-absorbed and self-entitled um but had a lot of covert traits Especially in the beginning of the relationship, and it was funny because when they started dating I remember her saying to me You know I don't think I actually find him attractive He's not really the type of guy that I would go for but his personality is so amazing and he's so charming That I kind of just went for it and again That's the hook the hook is for you to think I'm amazing human being So you'll love me so then I can abuse you that's just the way that this works with a covert narcissist that's how they get a narcissistic supply, and that's how they Continue with their abusive cycle, so now how do we deal with this type of person because when we're dating and we say okay? I definitely think this person is over narcissus isn't over at narcissus. Okay. We're not dating them anymore I'm not even into that and I don't want anything to do with that or if we've been dating someone for a while And they're our covert in our success And we've you know the mask is starting to fall off and now things are not adding up the way they normally would okay goodbye, I want nothing to do with you, but when we have a narcissist that are in our family or We work with them, and we can't really or we have to co-parent with them We can't really just never see these people again We have to learn how do we deal with this type of personality? So how do we deal with this type of person and this doesn't really matter if it's an overt or a covert? It's a narcissist period so they're unhealthy they're toxic they're abusive they completely lack empathy They're self-absorbed And you know the list goes on and on so how do we deal with this type of person whether that's a person that we work with or a family member someone we have to co-parent with whatever the case may be The number one thing to always remember is this person's a narcissist They're unhealthy and I know that sounds a little ridiculous as like the number one thing But if you're a good person you're always going to try to believe the best in people so Especially with a covert because a covert is gonna go back and forth between I'm being a good person I'm being a nasty person I'm trying to work with you and now I'm self-absorbed and self-entitled like it's this back-and-forth game with these people and It's a balancing act I'm learning how to deal with this type of Personality because you're gonna see things in this person if you have to communicate and be around them you know on a day-to-day basis or what-have-you Where you're gonna say? Well, they're looking This is great like all of a sudden like they've turned a new leaf, and now they're being like a normal healthy person They're not that's just the game it's the back-and-forth that they play constantly to keep you hooked in to keep the abuse going et cetera et cetera, so within every single interaction Reminding yourself this person is narcissistic this person is nice to say every time so if it's a mother-in-law that you have to deal with or a cousin or whoever knowing in each interaction this person's unhealthy this person's unhealthy and even if they do something that's somewhat nice and Reasonable they are going to resort back to an unhealthy way as soon as they can so just knowing that it definitely will help you manage your expectations on what this person person is capable of for sure you have to remember at times that this person is gonna be Completely unreasonable, they're going to use manipulation on you constantly it's like their best friend. They're severely Severely insecure, and so what they're trying to do is to keep you hooked into them So they can keep abusing you because that's what makes them feel better inside unfortunately on a sick level But that's the truth it makes them feel important if they've hurt someone else It makes them feel like wow look I got to that person like it's just that's what they need to feel validated That they even exist so the next thing is you definitely have to create boundaries with this person so if you know that Communicating at times is really really difficult with this person Maybe when they call you send it to voicemail and send them a text right after and say oh, hey what's going on? Sorry? I'm busy. You know everything as much as you can. She'd be done over email or text message. Thank God for technology So we can just put it in technology and we can read the email and Or read the text and answer the question point blank you know what is it that they're trying to ask me? We don't get into detail about what's going on in our own lives We never share anything with this person, and if you do share make sure it is very very Limited because the more you share the more they're getting more information from you that they can then use against you later on So we're not being vulnerable with this person. We're not telling them what's going on in our lives We're not you know having a conversation about something that maybe we're struggling with Absolutely no we stick to very Bla topics or even better we make the whole conversation about them So we're constantly asking them questions or constantly talking to them about what's going on in their life briefly again? We're just constantly putting the focus on the narcissus and nothing on ourselves, so they don't ask us any questions And they don't know anything about what's going on with us What you want to do is you actually want to be and you might hear this often? It's called gray rock It's the call the gray rock technique, and what it is is we're just being very grey We're being very blah with a narcissist. We're not giving them anything we're not Giving them anything negative. We're not giving them anything positive we're being so blah and almost not fun to talk to because we're not giving them anything that they then go to someone else and That's what we want to do. We don't want to give them any information on ourselves. We don't want to talk about ourselves We just want the focus always to be on the other person on the narcissus the other thing and this is really really important is You know you cannot get emotional with these people so if they say things say something that is completely Hurtful and just ridiculous and unreasonable and selfish or whatever you don't call them out on their bad behavior You don't get all angry and show all this like negative emotion at them because again, it's just giving them what they want It's validating them the narcissist is a bully and what they're looking for is just attention Whether that's good. Whether that's bad and a lot of the times They actually will prefer the bad Because that means that they got to you it means that they matter and that's what the narcissist is looking for they're just looking for Attention they're looking to get a rise out of you, they're looking and hearing what's going on in your life So they can use it against you at another point in time So I hope this video has helped you guys kind of understand the difference between an over Anna covert narcissist if you have any Comments or questions, please leave them down below Don't forget to again hit subscribe if you want to be in the loop when I upload my latest videos And I will see you next week
