WHY THEY ARE PICKING FIGHTS WITH YOU!

hey guys welcome back thanks for joining me this week for another video let's get into narcissism and let's talk about why sometimes these types of personalities just like to pick fights for absolutely no reason now if you're new to my channel my name is Stephanie I'm a life and relationship coach on this channel we're going to talk about a bunch of things mental health related we are going to dive into narcissism emotional abuse mental health really learning how to actually be healthy learning how to rebuild learning how to deal with difficult personalities so for this video let's start to understand more about why these types of personalities really enjoy picking fights and how they pick fights with you and how you're actually kind of reacting and engaging with this person unknowingly now I'm very big on education I think educating yourself on different types of personalities or understanding the person that is in front of you that you're dealing with and how they kind of operate in life is extremely important it'll allow you to have more self-control over yourself when you are are dealing with them and you'll also start to understand yourself even better if you're dealing with someone who could possibly have straight narcissistic personality disorder or maybe we need to be diagnosing anyone just someone who you think might even have Tendencies or just a really difficult person it's important to know how you should be engaging if you're dealing with someone who's more on kind of that narcissism Spectrum then you're dealing with someone who's going to be a master manipulator and you're going to be dealing with someone who has a very large ego now when you're dealing with someone who has a large ego there's going to be certain things that you're going to have to deal with or that you're going to see in your interactions with this person you're going to see someone that is egotistical self-centered always needing to be right someone that has a very strong personality someone that's very witty someone that's really just good with words and knows how to finagle the situation because they have a very strong presence and they are good with words and if they're dealing with someone who is not and they don't know how to communicate really well they fear confrontation then they're going to even feel even more a sense of power around this person because they're going to sense energetically that they're dominating this person you're also going to see someone that very much enjoys winning on an egotistical level now obviously we all enjoy winning but winning and losing are kind of a part of life and and we don't look at life as winning and losing you're also going to see a person who is more than willing to tell you all the things that you're doing wrong but not really able to kind of own what it is that they're doing that's contributing to any problems either in a relationship or in within their own life and even if you do have a person in your life that can own some of their stuff what are they actually doing about it is anything actually changing or are they just owning it because they almost can't deny it you're going to have interactions with this person and understand really quickly that they have a really easy way of kind of twisting words around and they do this in a way to really make you doubt yourself now this is this person's kind of ammo this is really their weapon and if you don't even understand that this is the weapon that this person has or if you don't really know how to go back and forth in a discussion in an argument in a you know just a conversation with this person then you're going to get stuck and you're either going to get very overwhelmed or you're going to let this person manipulate and Gaslight you now there's a strong desire with anyone who's narcissistic to be right because they feel as though that they are they that ego won't allow them to have any kind of self-doubt that maybe possibly they're wrong or have the ability to listen to another side and be open to what this person has to say so the ego just won't allow that so if I'm really all about control and winning then in an argument I'm going to just thrive I'm going to thrive even more when I feel like on some levels I'm better than you if I feel like on some levels that I know more than you then I'm going to want to prove my stature or my ability to be right and to make you kind of like conform and like bow down to me all narcissists enjoy picking fights but they're not consciously aware that they're actually doing it they're just doing it to get some kind of reaction from you whether that means that you're going to conform and agree with them or whether you're going to just not agree with them and kind of go toe-to-toe with them and really get into an argument or a heated discussion with them so they love that they love the back and forth and especially if you're a weaker person where in the past you've conformed in the past you've settled in the past you've become a little overwhelmed where maybe you become a little erratic you know and you just kind of like lose your stuff or you shut down then that's a perfect opportunity need for them to basically say oh look now you're shutting down oh look now you're giving me the silent treatment where they flip it on you the thing with arguing and picking fights and these uncomfortable unhealthy interactions with this person is by doing it they feel better about themselves now I want you to understand this because we've all heard this but I want you to understand what's really going on inside the core of this person a lot of the times it's just attention that this person is seeking so it could be a multitude of things it could be the ego coming to the Forefront that wants to win that wants to prove to itself that it's important that it's right that you're beneath me and that I know what's best it could be that life is about winning and losing and winning an argument means that I'm important that I'm smart that I'm capable the winning makes me feel better in the world it makes me feel like I'm important so the desire to win just really stems from such a deep sense of inner shame and security that they need that win they need that boost they need that winning over you they need that ability to look at themselves as being higher than you in a lot of ways because that feeds the ego that feeds the insecurity whereas the everyday person that may have a little codependency or may have some stuff going on inside of them they don't need that in order to at all feel significant now they might need or desire other things in order to feel significant money a car a house a you know a bag or whatever but this person needs that significance over another human being really just keeps going back to I didn't get what I needed growing up I didn't get the validation I come from so much inner shame and I don't know how to build that within myself so I need it coming from outside of me and that's where the narcissistic Supply comes into so the picking of the fights is basically just acknowledge me give me attention um it has to do with me thinking that I'm better than you because again that ego is involved now we all know this but someone who's narcissistic will have absolutely no self-awareness of what they're doing so yes there's absolutely no empathy but there's no real awareness of what they're doing because everything that they do in life just serves a purpose self it's about me it's about me feeling good I need these highs and and they don't care how they get it or they don't care who they hurt along the way or they don't they don't really have that ability to self-reflect and make sure that they're doing something that is within good character that they they should be doing that it's coming from a real authentic place they're doing it strictly for the high that they're going to get off of it because they have no self-awareness in this way and you know they have a lot of people argue this they'll say well yes they know what they're doing they know what they're doing because they know by doing this I'm going to get this but they're not consciously aware or they don't consciously they're not consciously aware and don't really consciously care about what they're doing because it's not about me and feeling good and being authentic and and being healthy it is all about I need this it is a drug it's an addiction it's an addiction to a feeling addiction to the way you look at me it's an addiction that I get enough Supply where this job makes me feel this way or these kids make me feel this way or this relationship makes me feel this way or just me winning over you makes me feel this way so if you have ever gotten into an argument with someone where maybe your ego was involved and maybe you were trying to win after the fact hopefully you can take a step back and see why did I need to prove that why did I need this person to agree with me so you have ability that ability to have that level of self-awareness where you kind of sit back and go why did I need to do that why do I need to go that far and it caused all this drama and this person doesn't have that so they may be aware that there doing things but they don't have that ability to have that level of self-awareness where they can take a step back and examine how they behaved and say how could I have done that differently or why did I do that there's you're not going to get that kind of deep introspectiveness um within this person to kind of self-regulate their emotions you have someone who is a master manipulator and someone who is really good at gaslighting why is this person good at gaslighting they're good because the gaslighting allows them to not be accountable the gaslighting allows me to not own my stuff confuse you make you feel like you're actually the problem or that you don't really know what's going on and that allows the deflection to happen where now I don't have to really acknowledge anything I just deflected it I put it on you you took it on and now I'm good I either get my way or I get you apologizing to me for something that I actually did a narcissist also really enjoy always hearing themselves speak and if you have ever been around anyone that even has Tendencies or possibly could have full-blown MPD you will know that the conversation always goes back to them in some ways they're always going to be a victim no matter if they come right out and say it or if they're more like covert and kind of like what was me give me pity or you might just have a person that just values their own words and doesn't really want to listen to anyone else I have known plenty of people that in the middle of a conversation would full on interrupt me because let me tell you this because I don't want to forget or it became more about them trying to prove a point than actually actively listening to me and what I was saying it was more about them interrupting me so they could finish a point that they were trying to make now we've all done this but this is more about like consistent patterns within this person where you can tell you just like to hear yourself talk where someone's going around and around and around with a conversation they're not able to bring it home because you know other egotistical you know they're self-centered you know they enjoy listening to their own self so this becomes more about just loving the I don't want to say the art of fighting but they just love that dynamic in general that kind of litigation versus really coming from some empathy and wanting to work through a discussion where I'm able to listen to you and hear you and compromise with you and this this healthy back and forth dance doesn't really happen when you're noticing someone in your life who is picking fights with you a lot and it's now it's a real consistent pattern of it there's going to be two reasons for it quite frankly it's either going to be their way of starting to chip away at you chipping away at your self-esteem maybe trying to sprinkle in a little bit of that gaslighting they're trying to throw you off for some reason either be either because you're becoming a little too powerful you're not really agreeing with them you're no longer giving them what they need and so they want to kind of start picking at you to kind of like take you down basically and they're going to do it slowly the other reason is you're in a discard phase and you don't even know that you're in a discard phase now a discard phase doesn't mean someone's going to actually discard you and leave you they could stay with you forever and just be doing something behind your back or have an appropriate relationships again you don't have to physically be cheating but they're starting to distance themselves from you and from the relationship so if you're kind of unaware of these two things and you don't really understand why all of a sudden this person starts picking at you it could be because either you're getting too strong too powerful you're starting to hold them accountable or you are now a person that they don't want to be around and they're not even probably aware of this and so instead they're just going to start kind of poking at you because they don't like you they they are starting to get fed up with a relationship because they're not getting their way so there's a lot of reasons why at times someone who's narcissistic will pick fights with you more importantly and I think it will give you hopefully some clarity and start to kind of put some pieces into place for you if this is happening to you but the most important thing is your response and how you're going to engage and respond to this person and I've done so many videos on responding not reacting and so many videos on really understanding the person in front of you so you don't take what they're doing personally even when they're throwing some Digs at you or they're trying to cut you down or they're trying to chip away at you or they're trying to Gaslight you so I hope you've enjoyed this video if you did don't forget to give it a big thumbs up and I will see you in next week's video

Channel: Stephanie Lyn Coaching

Views: 391,889

Keywords: why do narcissists create drama, NARCISSISTIC DIVORCE

Id: 0Q9E9GyKFnY

Length: 13min 47sec (827 seconds)

Published: Fri Nov 04 2022