Therefore each other you know communication and sitting in a space gage house finding those wounds and really heading them This is one inside of your Welcome back. Thanks for joining me this week I am shooting this video and a totally different part of my house So I'm not in my typical blue chair or white couch situation But this is just what works today with the lighting in my house So I hope you guys are okay with that I tried to tidy it up back here for you guys and clean my desk a little bit but um I'm so so excited about this week's video and Something that I noticed over the last few weeks was I was going through Comments that you guys were leaving and questions that you were asking and I have to say right off the bat. I am so Blessed and thankful that this channel is growing and that you guys are really supporting each other You know I'm out there, and I'm definitely giving my love and feedback to all of you guys, but you guys are really helping each other through a lot of difficult times and that literally like warms my heart because It's so important to not feel like you're alone if you're going through a painful experience And when you talk to other people that are going through something similar to you or have been through something similar to you And they're on the other side, I mean that's just great and that's how we get through you know hard times and sometimes Our friends and our family don't experience the things that we experience and we have to find help and support in Different avenues and so you know YouTube is definitely an avenue And so I'm so grateful and happy that this channel is growing in this community is just such a loving empathetic compassionate Group of people I have to say so that's just right off the bat Thank you guys for all of your comments and love um but for this week's video I was going through a couple of comments this week And I noticed that you guys loved the video on emotional abuse, and I'm gonna link it. I think it's up here I think it's left I'm gonna link it above if you guys want to check it out, but you guys loved that video And I loved making it And I knew it was a huge video and a huge topic because these are not things that we were taught growing up I wasn't taught about emotional abuse. I wasn't talking about manipulation I wasn't taught about narcissism and codependency and you know some passive aggressiveness and all of these things It's not until we go through something really painful or hurtful in our lives That we kind of like awaken to it and say okay This is what emotional abuse looks like and this is what? verbal abuse is if it's not something that's completely blatant so since emotional abuse is such an important topic and just because You have been emotionally abused it doesn't mean that you've experienced everything under the umbrella of Emotional abuse and so what I want to start doing is actually creating a video for each specific topic under the umbrella of emotional abuse so today I want to go over gaslighting so how to know if someone is gaslighting you you know What are the signs and how to prevent yourself from being gaslighted, so let's start at the very beginning? What is gas lighting gas lighting is a form of mental manipulation so the goal for someone who is a gas lighter is to essentially? Brainwash their victim so they will doubt So the victim will doubt their own perception of what happened So what they want to do is they want you to lose your sense of identity they want you to lose your sense of self? and your self-worth they want you to doubt your Intuition and believe whatever it is that comes out of their mouth, so they're gonna use these certain these tactics on you And I'll go over them in a second in order to manipulate you to make you think that what actually happened didn't happen or that What you and Nate Lee feel is wrong and so? The goal of someone who is a person that gaslights is its manipulation? It's essentially control Its I want to get what I want and in order for me to do that I have to do I have to essentially brainwash you I have to make you feel so low and Have such a low sense of self-worth and totally lose your identity So you'll be so dependent on me that then I can get whatever I want from you And if I don't want you anymore, then I just discard you and you're on the floor you know Completely helpless and hopeless, and I just move on with my life. So this is all about control, so I want to first give you a couple of ways you can know if someone is gaslighting you and This is going to be for me. It was actually when I started learning about this stuff It was really easy for me to spot when someone was trying to Gaslight me or when? someone was trying to use you know mental manipulation in order for me to doubt my own intuition and So let me give you a couple things that way going forward You know if someone is trying to Gaslight you the first way to know if someone is gaslighting you is You have to understand someone who gaslights you they can't hold a space for you So when you think something or when you feel something or when you're trying to express yourself? They can't sit in a space and be there for you like there that just can't happen so the first thing is They withhold Being able to do that so what they'll say is you know here we go again Like you always say the same thing over and over again. They refuse to listen to what you think and how you feel they either completely don't want to listen to it at all and just leave the conversation or They don't want to listen to you because they want to talk about what they think and how they feel so they can't sit in A space for you, they can't listen to you and actually Take in what you have to say because they don't want to hear what you have to say so they're going to say you know Here we go again like you keep saying the same things And you know you're always confusing me and like you're always bringing this up It's like that form of I don't want to take any responsibility for or I don't want to sit in space for what you think and how you feel so the next thing is they're Constantly flipping what you think and how you feel and so what they'll do is they'll always ask you? Questions to really make you start doubting what you think so if they're constantly questioning you like are you sure that happened because I? Just don't know I don't really think that happened and that's a constant thing that you see in this person then that's a form of gana Slade It's okay to question someone that's totally fine, but when they keep doing it over and over again again They don't want to sit in a space for you They want you to keep questioning yourself, so you can like all of a sudden doubt yourself essentially That's a form of gaslighting and as they keep questioning you they begin to make you feel like what you're thinking And how you feel is wrong, and they'll actually come out and say you know you know you're wrong You don't ever really remember things the way They really happen like I think you're really making this up like this is gas lighting This is how this all starts so kind of going back to number one Which is not being able to hold a space for you or listen to you? The other aspect of that is kind of diverting the situation so like I mentioned in the first Point was you know they can't sit in a space for you They really will just leave the conversation completely and so by kind of diverting and blocking what you think They're making you feel essentially that what you think really just doesn't matter and is so unimportant so this is when these Phrases of well you know you're crazy and like that didn't happen and you're starting to imagine things and like you're so sensitive That's when these types of phrases come in is cuz they really just want to block you and divert the situation So all of these things are just tactics that they use in order to Gaslight you so withholding is Not being able to sit in a space for you. You know blocking you or diverting the conversation You know blocking what you think and how you feel? You know you're crazy that never happened. You're imagining things Questioning you to like no end to make you feel that what you're thinking is actually wrong This is where they really start honing into making sure that you really doubt yourself But at the end of the day their main goal is to make you feel and they always do That what you think and how you feel about a situation is unimportant And this is just abuse abuse 101 because if you're the point of relationships is To be able to be there for each other you know communication and sitting in a space for each other and having empathy and having compassion And all of those things and when someone can't do that for you. That is a sign That is a red flag right there of someone who is Completely unhealthy so when all else fails and these other tactics Maybe aren't working because you still seem pretty confident And you still have a good sense of yourself and what action happened This is when they're gonna start kind of getting those finding those wounds and really heading them This is when you're too sensitive. You're crazy like all of these phrases That I'm an emotional Manipulator or an emotionally abusive person will use to make you Kind of divert and get away from what you think and how you feel and and say these things to hurt you to get you to be angry to kind of ignore what actually happened and now to get you angry so Basically if you have those wounds inside of yourself that haven't healed you're going to deflect From what you think and how you feel regarding this? Situation you're gonna now focus so much on what they're saying to you if you're sensitive you're crazy You're this or that these wounds that you have and you're gonna get angry, and this is when an arguments gonna happen And then they're gonna sit back calm cool and collected because they know that they got you so this is why I always say It's so important that when when people say these things like oh you're too sensitive, or you're just crazy Or you don't remember things the way they really happened don't get angry because that's their way of deflecting from the situation and Getting you emotionally charged rather than sitting in that space of taking responsibility and accountability for the situation They're now deflecting and bringing all of your energy into these words that are hurtful But if you can just be calm and not take any of that stuff on and still sit in that space well No, let's not I'm not really crazy let's just keep talking about this and Really staying in that subject and staying that space of I know what I think I know what I feel I have a strong sense of self and these words that you're starting to say to me now. They're not working They're not gonna get me charged up because I know I'm not crazy I know I'm not too sensitive because I know that what I think and how I feel is really important And if you can't sit in a space for me, then we have a little bit of a problem I am telling you when you are dealing with someone who is emotionally abusive the best thing you can ever do for yourself is work on yourself work on being in charge of your emotions You know mastering your emotions that is the best thing you can ever do for yourself because that is Proving to yourself if you can learn how to master your emotions that is proving to yourself that You love yourself that you're not believing what someone else thinks about you or says about you that you know who you are and you Know that what you think and how you feel is really important, and you're sitting in a space for yourself And you're standing up for yourself in a healthy way. I can't tell you how? Empowering that is and how much that shows a sense of self love and confidence And I'll tell you the more you do this for yourself with anyone in your life That is emotionally abusive one of two things will happen either maybe they'll change and they'll know that they can't do certain things to you anymore because they're not getting the same reaction out of you or they're not able to manipulate me manipulate you the way they used to or They're gonna fall. They're gonna fall off and they're not gonna be in your day-to-day life anymore and either Or as a bonus is applause and you win at the end of the day So that was just a little taste as to start knowing when someone is trying to actually Gaslight you but I want to go over signs of how you can know that you have been gas laden, and this is really really important because Especially when we're coming out of you know an emotionally abusive relationship. We are Emotionally exhausted, we're drained. We're wounded. You know we just we don't have a good sense of self And I've been talking with a lot of people that have been coming out of really awful relationships You know a month or two out of these relationships? or even six months even a couple of years and Because they haven't learned this stuff and learned how to really start healing in a healthy way. They still feel depleted They still feel like they don't know who they are that they lost themselves and really understanding these things will help you to know that number one it had nothing to do with you, and this isn't about you, but also learning how to Begin doing the things to really get yourself back to like I said in my last video Not who you used to be but a better version of that person a healthier version of that person so here's something that You can ways you can know that you actually have been gaslighted in a relationship And I'm just gonna like read these off because I think that they're really important And I don't want to go into too much detail because they're kind of self-explanatory But number one you're left feeling Confused and crazy and when I tell you that is a sign that you have been gaslighted Because crazy will make you crazy Unhealthy will make you feel like you're losing your mind, so one of those quotes That's always out there that I've always seen over the years That is so true, and I don't even know who actually said it but basically It said something about you know before you diagnose yourself as being depressed make sure you You take you know an inventory of the people that you're surrounding yourself with and that's really true so if you're surrounded by emotionally abusive people toxic people and healthy people and you don't know how to Kind of create your own bubble when you're around these people then You can feel crazy at times because these are people that are huge You know mental manipulators or people that gasps late Or people that are so abusive in all of these ways then unfortunately you know like I said, it's not physical abuse We can't always know That we're being abused especially when you've never been educated on this stuff So if you've never known what emotional abuse is and you go into a relationship And you all of a sudden used to be so happy and positive and now you're severely depressed And you can't get out of bed and doing the littlest things causes you anxiety or you're constantly Apologizing to your partner, and you feel like you're just not good enough And you know that you'd never really felt that to this extent prior to this relationship You're an unhealthy relationship You're an emotionally abusive Relationship so that's number one number two like I said you keep doubting yourself so when you keep doubting that What you think and how you feel over and over again that you no longer? You know know what you think and know how you feel That's a form of being gasps elated and it could be one particular person that you love and trust and Unfortunately you gave too much trust to that person and didn't keep enough trust for yourself You know trusting your intuition and trusting what you think and how you feel then You're gonna constantly be doubting yourself because you're conflicted You know your intuition is saying something, but this person that you love and Trust is telling you something else and you're conflicted And you're constantly doubting yourself. You know so often in relationships when we're not healthy and whole When we're not in a good space when we don't have a sense of self and we're codependent Or we're insecure or whatever the reasons, are you know? We're just love addicts And we want to be in a relationship because we feel that that'll make us better inside That we give our partners Like all we give them way too much like we give them You know all of us And we no longer trust our own selves that we believe what someone else thinks of us or what someone else You know how they think and what they feel and that's wrong And that's unhealthy and if you're doing that you need to not blame anyone else But really take a look in the mirror and say you know what I need to get back to me I need to figure out why I'm not trusting myself and Really learn how to love yourself so I'm just gonna quickly read off these other things because I think they're important because if you've gone through any of these things or You've experienced this this a hundred percent is a sign that you've been gasp elated by your partner or family member a friend Whatever um you frequently make excuses for your partner's behavior You have the sense that you used to be a different person more confident more self loving more Relaxed and now you don't feel like you're that person any longer you feel hopeless and joyless you feel as though you can't do anything right you wonder if you are a good enough partner and From me this was absolutely huge when I started feeling like that the person I was with Was better than me and that everything I did seemed to make me feel inadequate or that there was something wrong me or Whatever it is. I constantly felt like this person was better than me that's really just the the Main you know point that I wanted to make and the main feeling that I always had with this person is that? This person was better than me this person was healthier than me which was completely not the case But in hindsight, I could see that but at the time I really felt that I felt like there must be something wrong with me and I must not be a good enough partner it must not be doing something enough or being there for that person or listening or or All of these things and I would go on and on non You know maybe I wasn't communitive enough or maybe I didn't do this enough or maybe I nag too much or just whatever it was But it really had nothing to do with me and the minute you start doubting yourself in that way You are being manipulated because Now looking back for me personally. I've always been this person. I've always been a caring person. I've always been a positive person I've always had a ton of compassion empathy for others and My whole life I've actually probably given too much to people and that was something that I had to learn was how to kind of reel it back in and just give to myself first And then I could give to others so the fact that this person Was able to make me feel that I wasn't a good enough partner Number one I I totally blame myself because I allowed it to happen but number two that is a form of Gaslighting that is a form of manipulation that is emotional abuse, so how do we make sure that we're not being gas elated? There's two things that you absolutely Have to do when you feel like you're starting to doubt yourself, or you fee, or when someone says to you You know you're just being too sensitive, or you know I don't think that really happened and doing all of these tactics on you number one you have to trust your intuition I Can't tell you when you start really loving yourself you Absolutely a thousand percent will always trust your intuition You know what you think and how you feel, and you don't doubt it anymore you don't allow anyone else to make you doubt your own reality and The number two is you don't need to win this person over so what I mean by when this person over is If you think something about a situation or if you feel a certain way, and they're making you doubt yourself Then this isn't about making them believe in what you think and how you feel? This is about saying well. This is what I think and how I feel and you don't have to believe me That's okay, when we come and this is so true even in arguments You know sometimes the agree to disagree is a really healthy thing to do because it's not our job to Convince someone of what we think and how we feel if they feel the same way than great But when you start wanting to convince someone else then You're trying to manipulate them as well because they don't think that and you don't need Them to agree with you or not in order for you to be okay Because that's a sign of codependency and for me that was really really big is I stopped arguing with a lot of people when I realize it's not my job to Convince you of my point, and you don't have to agree with my point This is what I think and this is how I feel about the situation Regardless of you agreeing with me I don't feel better because you agree with me I feel better because I stayed true to myself and I Express myself in a healthy way, and and now I'm good so I hope that this helped you I know this video was a little bit longer than I wanted it to be but I think that this is so important to really educate yourself on these types of things and again I can't thank you guys enough for all the love and the feedback if you haven't already subscribed to the channel don't forget to subscribe down below and don't forget to click on a little notification Val So you can be advised when I upload my latest videos so again Thank you guys so much if you have any questions, please leave them in the comment section below, and I will see you next week
