They NEVER Want You to Have THIS After the Breakup! | Stephanie Lyn Coaching 2021

hey guys welcome back thank you for joining me for another video if you're new to my channel my name is stephanie i'm a life and relationship coach this week we are going to dive into a topic that i don't think a lot of people talk about i mean there's videos on narcissism like all over the place but i want to talk about like two really really key things that all narcissists don't want to see you do now before we get into this week's video don't forget to hit the subscribe button down below and don't forget to also click on post notifications that will inform you each week i do upload a new video with a brand new topic also don't forget to follow me on instagram i will link it here as well as above here or here i don't know where it is um but don't forget to follow me on there as well to get your daily dose of motivation information insights things like that free coaching so let's get into this week's video now i'm going to give you the two key things right off the bat so number one all narcissists do not want to see you healthy and i don't just mean physically healthy i also mean mentally healthy emotionally healthy so no narcissist wants to see you being healthy and they don't want to see you move on and we're going to dive into this so let's think about or let's talk about healthiness so if you're healthy what does that mean that means that you understand abuse you understand toxic behavior if you're healthy that means what you're not going to be reactive probably one of the key things that all narcissists love is attention so they love positive attention or negative attention so if you're healthy chances are you see the dysfunction so you're not going to give them the positive supply any longer you see the manipulation you see the abuse you see the gas lighting you see this like cycle of dysfunction that we're going around consoling constantly so you've essentially gotten off the hamster wheel so you see everything for what it is you're also not going to be reactive so now you're not going to give them negative attention there's no negative supply that's going to happen from me i'm going to sit back and allow you to think and feel what you want i'm not going to try to convince you that what you're doing is it okay and that you're a narcissist or that you're unhealthy or that you're the toxic one i'm not going to be so emotional i'm not going to emotionally react constantly um i have learned self-control i have learned how to hold on to myself i know how to parent myself so if i'm healthy then that means that you're not going to get what you've always received from me and which is control the other thing about getting healthy is that you no longer now need this person in your life and that's a really good thing because you are in a dysfunctional relationship you were in a relationship that wasn't good for you and wasn't healthy whatsoever so if you no longer need this person because now by me getting healthy i understand where my wounds are i understand my emotional triggers i'm working on myself i'm doing the legwork i'm taking the courses i'm investing in myself to overcome my past which has essentially been the reason why i even attracted you into my life for me to learn this lesson that i'm supposed to learn in order to heal you know relationships are in our lives for a few reasons and two of them are they're going they're there to teach us what we need to learn in order for our soul to grow and evolve and they're there to expose the things that are going on inside of ourselves that we're actually not even acknowledging yet or that we're completely unaware of so now that i don't need you anymore i don't need you to fill this void where i have such low expectations of how you should treat me i don't have those low expectations of or low standards and relationships now i'm starting to set the bar really high because that's what i deserve so i no longer need whatever little bits of remnants of a relationship or attention or validation or whatever you your idea of love is that's not what i need anymore now i need what real love should feel like and i know how to validate myself and i know what respect looks like so when you get healthy you're not interested in being with someone who's dysfunctional or unhealthy or toxic or not good for you and that's not what this person wants to see now even if they discard you or they end the relationship or they want the divorce or they want the breakup or whatever that looks like i always say this that means that you weren't already not giving them good supply you were not giving them the things that they needed perhaps you were starting to see bits and pieces and exposing them for who they are and they don't want that maybe you were already starting to kind of like raise the bar in that relationship and again we don't need that we need to keep the bar really low we need to make sure that your self-esteem and your self-worth and how you view yourself is lower because if you don't view yourself in such a high regards you're not going to expect a lot out of me and you're going to take whatever i give you and you're going to like it and you're going to be so incredibly happy that you even have a relationship or that i'm even still here you're going to put too much of your happiness on my lap you're going to be so dependent on me to give you everything that you need where again the bar starts to drop a little bit so remember it is the ultimate compliment to be discarded it is the ultimate compliment to have someone decide that they don't want to be with you anymore especially someone who's dysfunctional in this way and has a personality disorder because you were no longer a person with good supply and that's one of the best compliments you could ever receive remember when you don't need them anymore you are no longer interested in going around in the hamster wheel over and over again you clearly see that your relationship was dysfunctional and you see exactly what they were doing to cause the same cycles to happen over and over again and perhaps when you get healthy not only do you kind of recognize what's going on in another person but you also recognize what's going on yourself like where was i lacking the self-esteem and self-worth to not set standards to not have boundaries why did i come from such fear and lack and scarcity that i even allowed this relationship to continue on as long as it probably did so when you start to get healthy you're working on like a multitude of layers and levels within your own self to kind of like level up and get healthy so when you're doing all that work on yourself this is not something that this person wants to see because perhaps they want to be able to end the relationship and come back maybe they want to you know have you just go around around in cycles over and over again and not hold them accountable or responsible for their own actions maybe they quite frankly just don't want to see you happy because they're resentful of you maybe they you know when you're dealing with someone with this type of personality disorder this type of toxic unhealthiness and it sounds so sick and twisted but like they don't want to see you happy they don't want to see you healthy they like to keep you right underneath them and that's where they feel good about themselves because then you have to remember this person everything is a game life is a contest of who's doing better who's winning who's more in control and because their egos are so fragile and they come from such severe severe low self-esteem when you're doing bad it makes them feel good whereas if you think about anyone you were ever in a relationship with no matter how it ended you never want them to suffer you want them to move on and find someone and be in love and you wish them the best you don't want them on an unconscious level to not do well because that that would make you a dysfunctional human being that would mean that you actually thrive on someone else's suffering and misery so when you're dealing with this type of personality this is the type of person that you're dealing with someone that actually doesn't like to see other people succeeding because it then shines a light on them to either showcase the fact that they're not or showcase the fact that they can't be happy for someone else's success and wins the other thing is they don't like to see you moving on and when you move on and i don't just mean to another relationship but let's talk about that when you move on to another relationship they're going to it's a mirror to the fact that they couldn't be who you wanted them to be that they failed on they failed on some level and so it bruises the ego it also depending on the type of relationship and how it ended it also points the finger at they were probably the problem and they don't want to acknowledge that as well so i would rather you just never move on you just end up bitter and unhappy and unsuccessful and just doing your own thing in a corner somewhere where you're completely devastated when you're dealing with someone with mpd that is what ultimately they want to see that's that's how they want you to feel because again it makes them feel better about about their own selves you have to understand these types of relationships whatever they have in their life no matter how much money they have or job titles or relationships whatever the outside looks like you're dealing with a person who at their core has a very dysfunctional inside they don't know pure happiness they don't know pure gratitude they don't practice mindfulness they don't practice accountability or responsibility for their life they don't know how to fill themselves up so everything that they have that's external is just supply it's just helping them to feel good in the world they don't know how to cultivate that themselves without those materialistic things or those outside things to give them validation and to fill themselves up and boost themselves because no money no job our kids all of that stuff while a lot of those things will make you happy at times it won't sustain you for the rest of your life because no one can give you internal happiness other than yourself and you have to learn what that really truly means when i did the video last week on spiritual awakening or maybe it was two videos ago um we talk about the ability to awaken and the ability to be healthy and learn about your past and heal and overcome i mean that's why i have this channel that's why i do what i do that's why i have my business my profession is to help people really understand this stuff and help people with mental illness and help people to achieve happiness and not only success but internal peace and what that really means and the practice of it so you're dealing with someone with mpd no you're not dealing with someone who's mindful to all of these things who's taken a step back and understands wow i feel empty inside wow i don't feel good they're not opening the window they're not going to therapy they're not investing in coaching everything's great everything's amazing everything's peachy keen and when it's not it's everyone else's problem and everyone else to blame or you're dealing with someone who is so incredibly you know happy and excited about life but it's not in an authentic way they have an inability to feel so if you're dealing with whatever the personality is because everyone's different you're dealing with someone that has mpd you have to understand who's in front of you why they are the way they are and where the dysfunction really lies because you're not going to run into every single narcissist is not going to be a covert not every single narcissist is going to be malignant so you have to learn and understand that these people they just quite frankly don't want you to ever be happy healthy and move on and if they say they do they're either doing it to soothe their own guilt and shame or they don't quite frankly really mean it because when you do become healthy when you do become happy you are going to see remnants of backlash come from this person you're going to see them starting to create problems or possibly come back to hoover you so you're going to see the dysfunction start to kind of turn on and i know from coaching a ton of people that have gone through very similar experiences a lot of the backlash that they get is really when they start to stand on their own two feet when they start to become happy when they moved on when life's getting good when you know i'm doing this for myself and work's doing great and i and my energy has shifted now i'm not reactive to you anymore i no longer care anymore about this in this relationship i've completely moved on in a multitude of ways that's when you start to see this person tapping on your door or picking fights with you or you're going back and forth in court with something if you're co-parenting this is when the dysfunction really starts to happen because again they don't want to see you happy so i hope you have enjoyed this video if you did don't forget to give it a big thumbs up don't forget to comment down below on any video topics that you would like to see in the future and i will see you next week

Channel: Stephanie Lyn Coaching

Views: 187,268

Keywords: narcissist, npd, revenge on a narcissist, divorce with narcissist, breakup with a narcissist, relentless narcissists, how to heal after a toxic relationship, narcissistic abuse cycle, narcissistic abuse recovery, narcissistic personality disorder relationships, breakup advice for women

Id: aZ-IzpkHygs

Length: 13min 17sec (797 seconds)

Published: Tue Aug 31 2021