How Do You Forgive After Adultery?

all right welcome to the this series of videos were real we're dealing with a really tough subject of adultery and I know that there's many that are watching these videos that are in the middle of it or just starting or maybe are sort of teasing the idea and we sort of talked in the first video about exposure and how important that is and that's it's a tough subject so I haven't seen that you definitely want to check that out it's that's the starting point you know it's today this is Chris and Cindy Beale as you most of you know and we're gonna talk about so you've you've gotten to the exposure piece and which is a huge step but then you know you were talking about you know it's like especially in the in adultery the betrayer vomits the thing and there is healing takes Blake but then all of a sudden you said you it's um it's when someone confesses of their adultery and I'm just gonna talk about us I'm not gonna not all men and not all women it's everybody does it but or both people do it I would often you know just think about the burden he carried all those years and and finally he got to the place where he could just carry it no more and then I began to carry it because of the confession and so it was really really hard and you know just walking through what do I do now and what decision do I make and oh my gosh and one of my friends said to me he just said you know what you don't have to make a decision right now and that was probably the best piece of advice I had gotten and from from anybody was you know what you don't have to make a decision right now so it was it was a real freeing thing for me to be able to just say okay I don't have to decide on the day he confesses to me I may not even have to decide tomorrow right breathe and I know that as you went through that process and had that freedom you made a decision and you know we used the word forgiveness and I know even as we were talking through at some things we had heard from from our pastor talking about you know adultery is grounds for for divorce but it's also an opportunity for forgiveness that's an easy line to say but giving us in the sense of being in the middle of that what does that really look like and how could you help someone that's going through that to sort of get their mind around okay what does that mean what's that process look like well the easy answer or the Christian answer is you should forgive because God forgave you and he commands you to forgive so you just need to forgive and when you're thrown into this world of hurt it's really hard to implement that into your life and so just know that it's a process and it takes a lot of daily confessing I mean I can't even count the times that I said okay I forgive my husband today I forgive my husband and eventually you know it started to make its way into my heart but probably the biggest thing over a series of the days and weeks and even months as I was reminded as not only the enemy was reminding me hey look at all these things he did to break your heart and steal your life from me and take your ministry and all the things that went along with that not only was I dealing with that but just the sheer hurt that he decided to leave me for a season of our marriage really hurt but what was happening is God was gradually showing me that instead of measuring my sin to sin in my life against my husband's I was supposed to measure it really in a sense of God's character and I'm gonna fall short every time because he's so majestic and powerful and perfect but if I measure the things I've done wrong maybe gossip maybe judgmental thoughts or whatever it is that I'm dealing with against adultery then I look pretty good but when I measure it against God I'm still a sinner and so I've always said all sin breaks God's heart and I believe that consequences are different you know the consequences of me gossiping are pretty different than adultery so once I began to see that I needed forgiveness and I have gotten so much forgiveness in my 38 years of life who in the world am I to withhold forgiveness from a man who is willing to lay down his life for me and everything in the world to make our marriage better how can I withhold that I think the only thing that I'd add to that just kind of from the from the position that you know when when when you expose it when you bring it into light like Cindy said you take this burden off of your shoulders and you place it on the shoulders of the one who you've betrayed and that's not fair and you know if you're watching this and you have received a confession it's not fair and and we we are deeply sorry and we ache with you we've we've walked it we know we know the the despair of what do I do and and there's no easy answers and that's okay you know it's it's it's a it's a journey that has to be found in who God is because if that's not your reference point if that's not your TrueNorth your emotions are going to take you all over the place and and the other thing that I'd like to say to those that who who tease the line of adultery or cross the line of adultery that there is a point where you have to forgive yourself and you know justice justice is the Lord's and the consequences of our sin are things that we have to carry for the rest of our lives I can never say that I kept my vows I can never say that I have I have several hard conversations to have with three young men who are my sons as they grow older and and are prepared to hear about the choices I made and then what God did those are real very real consequences to my choices but shame is not from God it is not from God brokenness is and brokenness will propel you to him it'll drive you into the arms of loving God who loves you shame will paralyze you and in the in the days to come my prayer for you is that God will begin to reveal to you the difference between shame and brokenness and and and allow you to forgive yourself for what you've done the you know I realize that this topic and what's going through and you guys are so great I mean you're able to articulate that is that this is definitely a process and you know as we work through it I don't know if there's any more to say around this because it's just something that that is a god thing and it can be a beautiful thing that we've seen in a long process that is you guys have used it in amazing ways to inspire not just those that have fallen in this issue but marriage in general and that's we're going to talk about that a little bit later in some of the videos but before we leave this I was just gonna see if we could just pray for those that are stepping into this process and some that don't understand it and are at that place that I'm just breathing right now or maybe haven't started that just that forgiveness and how they can understand that yeah father I just I just I'm so thankful that you've taken such really difficult difficult circumstances and and allowed us to use them for other people father and right now there are so many people who are listening and and even people who aren't right now who who maybe need to but but I would just ask that you would cradle these people who have one who are walking through this room not only the victims but father the people who have confessed and I just ask that you would comfort them and allow them just to lean back in your everlasting arms because while you've called them and you expect forgiveness so that we won't live in bondage you also know that there's a period of time where they're just going to have to grieve through this and press through the pain so that they can come out on the other side and so I ask that you would just give them your peace that passes under standing guard their hearts father as they trust in you and ask you to guide them father and I know that the road ahead is long I've I've been on it and I just I just asked that as that road as they travel that road that you would be there carrying them when they can't walk and holding them up when they can when they're taking a few steps on their own and we just know that you're there and you're bringing comfort to them even in this very moment in Jesus name Amen

Channel: Life.Church Online

Views: 148,498

Rating: 4.7650065 out of 5

Keywords: adultery, forgiveness, confession, exposure

Id: O6ULtfwPHDM

Length: 9min 11sec (551 seconds)

Published: Tue Sep 15 2009